A Different Love - 13. Chapter 13

“How far away do you live Connor?”

“Oh, the other side of town, about 10 minutes’ walk away. C’mon Jason, it’s this way”

He led us through a maze of streets to an area of town I wasn’t particularly familiar with, until finally we reached a large open square surrounded by imposing Victorian houses. When they were first built in the 1800’s, no doubt each one would’ve been inhabited by some rich industrialist or upper class family, but I guessed that these days they’d probably all been converted into flats.

As we crossed the square, Connor fished about in his pocket, eventually producing a sizeable bunch of keys. He stopped outside a freshly painted house with a huge brass door knocker and motioned for me to follow him through the gate. As I’d suspected the house had been converted into flats, confirmed by the presence of a row of four doorbells, each one denoting the name of a resident. Number 1 on the left hand side was marked C. O’Reilly in neat handwriting and was obviously Connor’s. He unlocked the door and we stepped into a smart communal hallway. The walls were painted in a muted grey with matching carpet and several framed prints hung on the walls. He led me up the curving stairway to the first floor and opened a door about halfway along the wide landing.

“Welcome to my flat Jason!” he exclaimed with a flourish, holding out his hand to let me enter first.

I smiled nervously and with a final bout of trepidation, stepped over the threshold. The inviting smell of food cooking immediately drifted towards me and I turned towards Connor, commenting enthusiastically.

“Something smells really good!”

He thought for a second before his expression turned to alarm and I don’t think my compliment had even registered.

“You’re not a vegetarian by any chance are you?” he asked anxiously “I never thought to ask!”

“No worries on that score Connor, I can’t wait to get some meat inside me”

His face creased into laughter and he visibly relaxed. “I’m sure that can be arranged” he answered, winking suggestively.

Once again, innuendo masked my nervousness and after taking my coat he ushered me through to the living room. It was pretty impressive to say the least. Connor’s flat was at the front of the house on the first floor, overlooking the square. The huge bay window made the room seem light and airy and a lofty ceiling ringed with orrnate plaster cornice work only added to its grand appearance.

“Wow, this is nice Connor!”

“Yeah, it’s not bad is it? he agreed, obviously pleased that I’d commented favourably. “C’mon, I’ll give you the grand tour if you like”

He made as if to move away and I quickly grabbed his arm to stop him “Hey, don’t I get another kiss from my new boyfriend first?” I asked him, smiling happily.

“Yeah, of course you do” he laughed, taking my hand.

At last we were able to engage in a long slow embrace that felt so much better than the snatched opportunities of the outside world. Here in Connor’s flat we were completely alone, free to do whatever we wanted. We kissed passionately for several minutes and when Connor eventually pulled away, I was left in a state of complete euphoria, desperately wanting more.

“C’mon Jason, I promised to show you the rest of the flat” he laughed, grasping my hand tightly “We’ll continue where we left off later on”

My heart leapt at the prospect and I sighed in resignation as he pulled me across the room. The smell of cooking grew stronger as I reluctantly followed him, spurred along by his last remark.

The contemporary kitchen was much bigger than I expected and beautifully fitted out with modern units and appliances. My eye was immediately drawn towards a huge American style fridge freezer that dominated one corner, whilst the glow of light from the oven couldn’t fail to attract my attention. He picked up a tea towel from the work surface and bent over the cooker, carefully opening the door. A rush of hot air immediately rose upwards and Connor stood well back to avoid the escaping heat. A dish on the middle shelf was steadily bubbling and he hastily turned down the temperature.

“Look’s about ready” he said, half to himself. He closed the oven door and turning around, gazed at me with an innocent smile. “Don’t worry though Jason, I’ll show you the bedroom later!”

The sensuous way he said it left me breathless with desire and half of me wished we could skip dinner altogether. It just wouldn’t be fair after all the trouble he’d gone to though and I struggled to push away the erotic thoughts that had crept into my mind.

“It’s sausage casserole by the way” he announced nervously “I hope you like it”

“Don’t worry” I quickly reassured him, rubbing his shoulder “I love it”

The relief on his face was evident and he relaxed slightly as he realized my enthusiasm was genuine.

“Oh, that’s good Jason”

“Look, is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, definitely not!” he exclaimed “You’re my guest”

“Ok then. Can I use the bathroom?”

“Yeah of course, it’s back through the lounge, first door on the left”

I followed his directions and by the time I returned he’d lifted the dish onto the table and was busy filling two plates with the steaming casserole.

“This looks absolutely fantastic Connor!”

He smiled at me bashfully and hurriedly made an excuse in case I didn’t like it “As I said before Jason, I’m not the best cook in the world so I hope it’s ok”

“Don’t worry” I reassured him “I’m sure it will be!”

We both sat down to eat and he couldn’t help watching me with his fork poised halfway to his mouth, waiting for my reaction. Even if the food had been bad, I wouldn’t have admitted it and caused him any embarrassment, but as it was the casserole tasted absolutely delicious. Until we began eating, I didn’t realize just how hungry I was and I tucked in enthusiastically.

“This is amazing Connor!” I gasped between mouthfuls “Really tasty!”

The anxious expression slipped from his face, quickly replaced by a beaming smile as he watched me enjoying the food.

“I thought you said you couldn’t cook!”

“I can’t normally, but this is one of my grandma’s recipes”

I had a sneaking suspicion he was being more than a little modest but I didn’t say anything. I knew from my mother that cooking required a certain level of skill and timing, even when following a recipe. Conversation momentarily ceased as we both concentrated on eating, until finally I pushed my plate aside and gave a sigh of contentment. Shortly afterwards Connor did the same and I grasped his hand across the table, squeezing it slightly.

“Connor that was awesome, the best meal I’ve had in ages!”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it Jason, I’ll cook for you again if you like?”

“Yeah, I’d love that”

A second or two later the smile dropped from my face as the reality of my circumstances came back to haunt me.

“It should be me cooking for you next time Connor, but you know I can’t”

There was a short pause and my voice began to tremble slightly. I shook my head in exasperation and gave a wistful sigh before carrying on.

“Can you imagine what mum and dad would say when I told them? Oh erm by the way, this is my boyfriend Connor! Is it ok if I cook him a meal?”

He laughed at the incredulous way I phrased the question and it wasn’t long before I joined in with his laughter.

“On top of which, I’ve never cooked a meal in my life before!” I went on, raising my arms in mock despair.

Despite the continued hilarity Connor was quick to reassure me that everything would turn out right in the end.

“From what you’ve told me about your parents Jason, I’m sure they’ll be fine when you finally decide to break the news. Just take your time and pick the right moment. And remember, there’s no rush!”

I nodded in agreement, secretly wishing that I shared his confidence. He stood up and carried our plates to the sink, calling out over his shoulder

“Go sit in the lounge Jason, I’ll make some coffee”

There was no point in offering to help as I knew what he’d say, so I wandered through to the lounge and sat down on the big sofa facing the fireplace. What was obviously a family photograph took pride of place in the centre of the mantelpiece, flanked on either side by two silver cups, each one engraved with the image of a swimmer poised to dive into the water. Now that I recalled it, Connor had talked about his love of swimming on our first date last week, but I didn’t realize that he’d ever swum competitively.

I heard the automatic kettle switch itself off in the kitchen and a short while later Connor came into the lounge with two steaming cups of coffee. He carefully put them on the table and sat down beside me on the sofa, stretching out his legs as he relaxed. Keen to regain our earlier intimacy, I moved closer to him and rested my head against his shoulder. He instinctively lifted his arm and draped it over my shoulders, drawing me in towards his warm body. I sighed with contentment and gently played with the buttons on his shirt before tentatively continuing with the subject of our earlier conversation.

“So when did you come out Connor?”

A slight frown played across his face and he gave a sigh of resignation before responding “It seems such a long time ago now” he mused, with a faraway look in his eyes.

There was a slight pause as he gathered his thoughts and I gently urged him on. “How old were you when you first realized you were gay?”

“Oh, about 15 I think. I had this massive crush on a guy in my class at school. We’d been friends for a while and my feelings for him gradually built up. I tried my best to ignore it, tell myself that it wasn’t true, but in the end the feelings just wouldn’t go away. I’d never really acknowledged my attraction towards boys before but I realized I had no real desire for girls either. I just assumed it was an age thing and I was what my mother used to call ‘a late developer’

“But you weren’t”

“No, definitely not!” he said firmly, as if now it were the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“Anyway” he continued, getting back to his story “We were alone in the classroom one day and I had this sudden overwhelming urge to kiss him. I leant across the desk towards him but before I could get too close he realized what was about to happen and recoiled in horror. When he asked me what I was doing, I foolishly told him the truth. It was the worst possible thing I could have done! By the following day it was all over the school and I was the butt of every joke in the place. I tried to deny it of course but by then it was too late, the damage had already been done.

“Some friend!” I chipped in, shaking my head in disgust

“To make matters worse” he went on, giving a rueful laugh “My mum was a teacher at the time and I was pretty sure that she’d heard about it too. She never said anything but I could tell from the way she looked at me. After that it was only a matter of time, but I still spent the next couple of years coming to terms with being gay, but scared to death to do anything about it”

“So when did you finally meet someone?”

“Oh, not for a while after that. I was about 18 I think”

“What happened?”

He shifted slightly and I lifted my head to look at him, suddenly wondering if it was uncomfortable for him to discuss.

“Sorry Connor, I didn’t mean to pry. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to talk about it”

“No it’s ok. I don’t mind”

My head slowly sank down onto his shoulder again as I relaxed and my fingers began playing with the buttons on the front of his shirt again. He leant over slightly and softly kissed the top of my head before beginning his recollection.

“I left college at 18 and got a temporary job on a building site. We were living in London at the time and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. I needed a temporary job as quickly as possible, so when a mate told me they were looking for guys to work on the new hospital site, I was round there like a shot. That’s where I met Alex. He was about my age and most of the time we seemed to be working on our own together. We became really good friends and when he split up from his girlfriend I was there for him when he needed someone to talk to”

My eyebrows rose in surprise and I lifted my head to look at him “He had a girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I even met her once or twice when we went out for a drink together after work. She was relly nice”

“So he didn’t tell you he was gay!”

“No, not at first! I fancied him from day one but he never gave me a single reason to think that he was anything but one hundred per cent straight”

“What was he like?”

“He was tall and lean with a body to die for!” he exclaimed, giving a low whistle to emphasise his meaning. I smiled at the depth of feeling in his voice as he continued to talk about him “He used to drive me absolutely crazy in the summer”

“Why?” I enquired with a puzzled face

“If it was really warm he’d take his shirt off and all those rippling muscles used to make me go weak at the knees”

“Sounds as if you were well smitten!”

He gave a small laugh and shook his head as he recalled his past feelings “Yeah, you could say that! I used to pray like mad for hot weather, just so I could see him half naked!”

I laughed along with him but couldn’t help admitting to myself that I’d probably have done the same.

“One day we were working next to each other when he suddenly slipped and fell off his ladder. He landed with a dull thud on the ground about 10 feet below me and by the time I climbed down my ladder and knelt beside him, he was crying out in pain. Tears were running down his face and as I tried to wipe them away he grasped my hand and wouldn’t let go”

“Jesus Christ! Was he badly hurt?”

“Yeah he was. His leg was tucked underneath him at a funny angle and I was pretty sure he’d broken it. His face had turned as white as a sheet and by the time I managed to ring for an ambulance he was shaking all over. I didn’t want to move him but I could see that his head was in an uncomfortable position so I tucked my coat underneath it as gently as I could. When I took my hand away it was covered in blood and I didn’t know what to do”

Even though it had happened years ago there was still a hint of panic in his voice as he recalled the incident and his arm tightened slightly around my shoulder.

“You must have been pretty worried!”

“Yeah, I was frantic. By this time he was drifting in and out of consciousness and the ambulance seemed to be taking forever to arrive. He never let go of my hand the whole time and whenever his eyes opened he kept whispering to me ‘You won’t leave me, will you Connor?”

“I kept telling him that I wouldn’t, until eventually the ambulance arrived and they stretchered him in” His voice carried a hint of disdain as he continued speaking. “Everyone else was just standing around looking useless!”

“I suppose they were unsure what to do themselves”

“Yeah, you’re probably right” he conceded, sighing heavily “but by then I wasn’t thinking straight. I just wanted Alex to be alright”

“Course you did, I can understand that”

“I couldn’t let him go the hospital on his own, so I went with him in the ambulance”

Connor seemed totally wrapped up in his recollection of events and continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “I was right. He had broken his leg and cut the back of his head quite badly. The doctor said he was extremely lucky to escape further injury, it could have been a lot worse!”

He gave a sigh of relief and I was surprised to find that it could still affect him so much.

“I went to see him every day after that and we became really close. He had no family living nearby, so most of the time he was on his own and he just needed someone to be there for him”

His face lit up with joy as he recalled in his mind’s eye what had obviously been a special time for him and I realized that his feelings for Alex must have been really strong.

“He must have been really grateful to have you” I commented, gently rubbing his stomach.

“Yeah, I think he was. We used to talk for ages and got to know each other pretty well. After a while I had a slight inkling he might be gay from some of the thing he said, but I didn’t want to pressure him, not whilst he was in hospital anyway”

“Did he know that you were gay?”

“No, not at first, but I wasn’t going to deceive him. I didn’t want to just announce it out of the blue, but one day he was talking about his ex-girlfriend and how he’d broken off their engagement. It gave me the perfect opportunity and I just mentioned that I would never have that problem with a woman. When he realized what I meant it didn’t seem to faze him at all and eventually he admitted that he’d been struggling with his own feelings for some time. He explained that he’d tried as hard as he could to have a relationship with his girlfriend, but in the end he couldn’t make it work and was forced to admit to himself he was gay”

“It sounds as if he had a really tough time of it!”

“Yeah, he did. By the time he came out of hospital, I’d fallen head over heels in love with him and all I wanted to do was look after him”

“How long was he in hospital for?”

“Oh just a few days, but he was really worried about what would happen when it was time for him to be discharged”

“Why?”

“He knew it would be a good while before he could work again. With no money coming in he couldn’t afford to keep his flat and was desperate for somewhere to stay. His parents lived abroad so he didn't want to go home”

“I never thought about that! So what did he do?”

“Well recently I’d started to think about leaving home and getting a place of my own. Up until then it had only been an idea, but I decided it was a good time to take the plunge and rent my own place. I invited Alex to come and stay with me and the rest is history”

“So you became a couple?”

He laughed slightly at the memory and kissed the top of my head “Yeah, we did. I didn’t really know how he felt about me at that time but it soon became obvious that his feelings were as strong as mine. We were together for six years”

“Six years! So why did you break up?”

He sighed dejectedly. “Oh, eventually he got himself a job that meant travelling abroad quite a lot. At first we thought it‘d be alright, but sometimes he’d be away for weeks at a time and in the end we just drifted apart”

“That’s a real shame”

“Yeah it was. In hindsight I can see what a stupid thing it was to do. We still loved each other and were both to blame for letting it happen!”

He paused for a few seconds before continuing and a melancholy tone crept into his voice “It’s been nothing but disaster ever since then. Another failed relationship after that and then following Ben to Hamborough, only for that to fail too!”

Recalling past memories was obviously quite painful for him and I was determined to cheer him up. I shifted slightly and the button on his shirt I’d been twisting suddenly popped open. He flinched slightly as my fingers slowly delved further inside and began tickling his bare skin.

“Stop it Jason, please!” he cried, laughing out loud and creasing up his body in a failed attempt to stop me.

By now his shirt had rode upwards, revealing his naked stomach and I began furiously tickling him on both sides of his torso. He stiffened, sinking further down in the sofa and I quickly straddled him, bending down to kiss his bare stomach. Suddenly we were both still and silently gazed at each other, knowing that this was the moment we’d been waiting for.

“I’ll show you the bedroom now if you like Jason?” he whispered, breaking the involuntary silence.

“Yeah, that’d be good” I answered in a hoarse voice, as my heart began to thud uncontrollably.

Up to a short while ago I’d only been able to dream about this moment and now it was finally about to become reality. I felt sick with anticipation and desire, desperate to experience Connor’s gentle touch once again. I stared in admiration at the taught muscles of his stomach, clearly on display through his open shirt. My unquenchable thirst to see more of his naked body ensured that my leg swung back over and immediately freed him. Quickly standing up, he grasped my hand and pulled me up from the sofa, guiding me purposefully towards the bedroom. A willing recipient, I eagerly followed him, pulling out the remainder of his shirt from under the waistband of his trousers. He slammed shut the bedroom door behind us and grasped my waist with both hands, urgently pushed me against it. My breathing came in short intermittent gasps as we began kissing each other in a frenzy of passion and lust, my resolve to take things slowly completely blown apart. Seconds later his shaking fingers found the front of my trousers and when he began unfastening them, I didn’t try and stop him. His warm hand quickly disappeared inside my briefs and as he gently ran his fingers up and down my hard shaft, his expert touch sent me spinning into ecstasy. My eyes were tightly closed as I became totally intoxicated by his touch. Before I realized what was happening, he’d dropped to his knees in front of me and was busily engaged in easing down my briefs over the stubborn obstacle that was my bulging erection. As success became his it sprung forwards in all its glory, dancing tantalizingly in front of his face. As his tongue darted towards me, the muffled ringtone of a mobile phone began playing and it was several seconds before I realized it was mine. The spell was immediately broken as I bent over to retrieve it from my trousers, nestling unceremoniously around my ankles. Connor grasped my shoulder and his face was etched with disappointment as he urged me to ignore it.

“Leave it Jason! They’re bound to ring back”

“I can’t Connor. It could be about Dad”

“Sorry, I didn’t think. Here, let me help you”

I hurriedly tugged my briefs and trousers upwards and stood back against the door to stop them falling down again. The persistent ringing of the phone grew louder as I hastily retrieved it from my pocket and Connor began fastening my trousers as I rushed to answer it. Mum’s familiar voice rang out at the other end, rising steadily in panic as she struggled to explain what had happened coherently.

“Hello, Mum?”………… “Oh god!! When?” My heart sank like a stone as I listened to her terrified voice echoing in my ear “Is he ok?”

Connor obviously realized what had happened and rubbed his hand up and down my arm sympathetically. I placed my hand on top of his and squeezed it tightly, desperately trying to appear calm. The inner turmoil threatened to explode at any moment and I had to make a conscious effort to quell the rising tide of panic before I answered Mum’s next question.

“Oh I erm….I’m in town at the moment mum….”

I couldn’t help glancing at Connor guiltily and he raised his eyebrows slightly, unable to hide his surprise.

“But I’ll get there as quickly as I can….and mum, don’t worry, he’ll be ok!”I added finally, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

“Your dad?” Connor asked when I came off the phone.

“Yeah, he’s been rushed to hospital!”

My voice trembled with fear as the news began to sink in. Dad had suffered yet another heart attack and had been rushed to the local hospital. It was at least a couple of miles away on the outskirts of town and my voice began to rise in panic as I realized it would take me ages to get there. I looked at Connor in despair and all rational thought seemed to have momentarily deserted me.

“How am I going to get to the hospital? I asked, as the hysteria rose in my voice “I need to be there as soon as possible!”

“Don’t worry Jason, I’ll drive you. My car’s outside”

“Oh thanks Connor” I sighed gratefully, leaning over to kiss him “That’s brilliant!”

“C’mon, get your coat” he urged “We can be there in no time”

His words mobilised me into action and a short time later we were speeding towards the hospital in his car as fast as he dared to go.

“Sorry about before Connor”

“What do you mean?”

“When mum asked me where I was”

“It doesn’t matter Jason. You could hardly tell her you were in your boyfriends flat about to….well, you know!”

“About to get a blowjob off the best looking guy in Hamborough you mean?” I said, smiling at the expression of surprised gratitude that spread across his face.

“If that’s how you want to put it” he smiled, colouring up slightly.

Grinning at his modesty, I reached across and kissed him on the side of the cheek “Yeah, that’s exactly how I want to put it”

Smiling and laughing was the last thing I felt like doing at the moment, but if I didn’t try and do something to alleviate the worry, I would fall to pieces. Mum would be upset enough and if I was going to give her the support she needed, I would have to stay strong. We fell silent and a few minutes later Connor pulled into the large hospital car park.