A Different Love - 31. Chapter 31

It was earlier than I would normally have left, but after yesterday I couldn't risk being late again. Getting away with it once was lucky, but twice was really pushing it. Going to work didn’t usually bother me, in fact most days I quite enjoyed it, but today was most definitely not one of them. Uncertain how Aiden was going to play it was having a profound effect on me and my head was all over the place.

As the bus sped along towards Hamborough, an image of him lying sprawled on the ground forced its way inside my head. I recalled the sight of blood oozing from his mouth and soaking his shirt and the nausea returned with a vengeance. I was almost physically sick and wished I hadn't eaten so much breakfast. There was no doubt he deserved it though and the remark he'd made before I hit him had been the final straw. The fact that I would love to do what he referred to made it all the more personal, but I definitely didn't need my private aspirations broadcast for all to hear. Unfortunately, the blow was delivered in the heat of the moment and was something I would never normally have done. Hurting people just wasn't in my nature and the feelings of nausea and self-loathing I was now experiencing were testament to that. I still hoped he wasn't hurt too much though, despite how odious he'd been. The prospect of facing him at work loomed ahead and my stomach was doing somersaults thinking about the consequences. The thought of what he might do sent a shiver down my spine and I hated the fact that I was now at his mercy. The bus gave a shudder as it came to a halt and I looked up, surprised that the time had passed by so quickly. We’d already arrived at the bus station and the doors suddenly swung open with a loud hissing sound that made me jump. People began to stand up and leave the bus, but I waited until everyone had passed by me before standing up myself. I nodded my thanks to the driver and took a deep breath of air in a vain attempt to clear my head. My eyes were immediately drawn across the road to the bus shelter where I'd first met Nathan and my heart began to beat a little faster. Knowing it would be hours before I saw him again, I sighed wearily and began to trudge up the hill towards the railway station. As I rounded the corner it immediately became apparent that something was wrong. The normally quiet road was brimming with traffic and cars were parked along both sides of the road. Thin plumes of exhaust fumes rose into the air, as drivers tried to keep warm whilst they waited for someone or something. The station was equally busy when I stepped into the crowded concourse and people milled around the departure boards, straining their necks in an attempt to ascertain what was happening. The loudspeaker system suddenly crackled into life and I listened to the message with dismay. It seemed there was a major problem with the signalling system and no trains were able to enter or leave the station. I caught the attention of one of the staff who was obviously stressed with the situation and he reluctantly turned his attention towards me.

"Excuse me. Have you any idea how long it'll be before the trains start running again?"

He'd probably answered the question a thousand times already and gave me a rather curt reply.

"No idea mate, but if you need to get somewhere in a hurry you've got no chance"

This was all I needed, and I walked out of the station in despair. I had to get to work as soon as possible, and it looked like the only option was going to be the bus. A taxi would have been a lot quicker but even if there was one available, which I doubted, it would cost an arm and a leg, and I barely had enough money for the bus. I quickly walked back down the hill to the bus station and discovered that the next bus left in about half an hour. As I joined the end of the queue, the irony of the situation dawned on me. If I'd stayed on the bus I came into town on, I would be halfway to the city by now.

After what seemed like ages, but was in fact only twenty minutes or so, the bus arrived, and people began to shuffle slowly forwards. I wasn't exactly sure how much the fare would be and by the time I'd counted the loose change in my pocket it was my turn to pay. I was embarrassed to find myself a couple of pence short, but luckily the driver waved me on, and I sat down near the back and looked out of the window. The bus was getting pretty full by now and a sudden wave of strong perfume wafted through the air as a stunningly beautiful girl about my own age stopped nearby. She wore jeans so tight they could have been painted on and a frilly low-cut top that showed off her ample breasts to their full advantage. She gave me a broad smile and pointed to the seat adjoining mine.

"Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here?"

"Erm, no I don't think so. I mean no, no they're not" I stammered nervously, immediately blushing.

"That's a definite no then" she said with a mischievous grin.

"No. I mean yes, sorry"

She laughed at my flustered state and sat down next to me, the smell of perfume becoming even stronger as she made herself comfortable.

"I'm Nicole by the way" she said, holding out her hand in anticipation.

"Oh, it's erm Jason" I answered, barely touching her hand.

"You don't seem very sure" she remarked as the same mischievous grin returned to her face.

"No sorry!"

I frowned slightly and for some reason immediately turned into a gibbering wreck with a face the colour of beetroot.

"So where do you live Jason?"

"Oh, in erm Dryford. It's a village just outside…”

She quickly interrupted. "Yeah, I know where it is"

"Oh right. Sorry"

There's no need to keep apologizing Jason, you haven't done anything wrong"

"Yeah course. Sorry"

Her laugh was loud and raucous, causing some of the other passengers to turn around and stare. All of a sudden, she stroked my leg seductively and pushed herself against me.

"You're cute Jason....and funny. I like you!"

I didn't find the situation in the least bit funny and if I ever needed any confirmation that I was gay, this was it. Finally releasing my leg, she reached into her handbag and pulled out a perfumed spray. I couldn't help noticing her breasts wobbling up and down as she shook the bottle vigorously and sprayed it liberally on her wrists. The cloying smell hung in the air like smoke from a fire and there was no way to avoid it invading my nostrils.

"What do you think" she asked, thrusting one of her wrists under my nose.

I wasn't a particular fan of strong perfume to start with and found it completely overpowering, but out of politeness decided to agree. "Yes. Very nice"

She smiled, obviously pleased with my answer "I'm glad you like it Jason. My last boyfriend hated it, but then again he hated everything about me in the end"

"I'm sure that's not true" I said, feeling guilty for secretly thinking that it probably was.

I'd only met her a few minutes ago and she was already getting on my nerves. Suddenly moving near me again, she cupped her hand over my ear, attempting to make sure no one else heard. She might as well have announced it to the whole bus and I sat there in amazement, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"It wasn't awfully big anyway, so it was no loss"

"What wasn't" I enquired innocently.

I really should have known better but was totally unprepared for the answer.

She's nodded her head downwards and pointed between my legs "You know Jason. His thing!"

I squirmed in my seat at this totally unnecessary piece of information and looked around in horror to see if anyone else had heard. Several people nearby were shaking their heads or grinning, and I longed to shout out that I didn't actually know her. I'd never met anyone so incredibly forward before and I could feel my face burning with embarrassment.

"I'm not embarrassing you, am I Jason?" she said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that that was exactly what she was doing.

"Oh, erm no" I said, hardly able to speak or look at her.

"Oh good" She nudged me firmly in the ribs to make sure I was paying attention and carried on with her incessant chatter. "So, do you have a girlfriend Jason?"

I opened my mouth to speak but before I could answer she was off again.

"Jason....." she said dreamily, as though hearing it for the first time. "What an incredibly sexy name"

I rolled my eyes upwards, failing for the life of me to understand what was sexy about my name, but I definitely wasn't going to encourage her by asking.

"So…..have you?" she said, her tone demanding an immediate answer.

By now I'd forgotten what the question was in the first place and had to ask her again

"Have I what?"

"Got a girlfriend!" she repeated impatiently.

My heart skipped a beat. God knows what the response to this answer was going to be. I half considered lying but decided instead to make it sound slightly better.

"Erm no, no I haven't. Not at the moment anyway"

"What!" she exclaimed incredulously "A gorgeous guy like you and no girlfriend. I don't believe it"

"It's true I'm afraid"

"Why not?" she exclaimed suspiciously "You're not gay are you?"

"No, definitely not!" I said indignantly, in a voice that hopefully sounded convincing.

There was no way I was about to come out to a bus full of people that I didn't even know, and I stared at her defiantly.

"Ooh it's my stop coming up" she suddenly announced, as we approached the outskirts of a village.

Scrambling about in her bag she pulled out a pen and quickly began to scribble something down on a tiny scrap of paper. Placing it in my hand she wrapped my fingers around it and gave my knee a final stroke.

"Here's my phone number Jason" she whispered seductively. "Call me"

I was pretty sure that Nathan would have been in there like a shot, but of course I had no intention whatsoever of calling her. Just as I thought she was about to stand up she caught me unawares with one more surprise. Before I could resist, she unexpectedly put her hand on the back of my head and pulled my face towards her, kissing me full on the lips. I tasted her deep red lipstick and hastily wiped it away with the back of my hand.

"Bye Jason. See you soon!"

Momentarily stunned, the power of speech deserted me and all I could do was nod my head and smile. I realized with disdain that she hadn't stopped talking the whole time she'd been sitting beside me and had hardly taken a breath. In a final waft of incredibly strong perfume she was gone, and I heaved a sigh of relief as I watched her walk down the bus towards the doors. The sight of her curvy bottom and swinging hips in the skin-tight jeans drew stares of admiration from all the male passengers watching. For me, however, the whole episode had left me as cold as a dead fish, serving only to reinforce what I already knew. It was in stark contrast to the feelings of lust I'd experienced when Nathan had walked down the bus on that first night we'd met. She waved from the pavement and blew me a kiss as the bus pulled away and I hoped against hope that it was the last time I would ever see her. I felt a sudden tap on the shoulder and turned around to face the man sitting behind me.

"I think you would have been better off telling her that you were gay son" he said, as his face creased up in amusement.

"You're probably right" I agreed, laughing at the irony of the situation. "But somehow I don't think it would have stopped her"

The rest of the journey passed by uneventfully and we were soon approaching the outskirts of the city. The traffic was extremely heavy, and the bus crawled along behind a line of cars, losing its place in the queue every time it stopped to pick up or drop off passengers. At last we arrived, and I hurried to the front of the bus to ensure I would be one of the first to get off. The bus station was a lot further away from the store than the railway station and I hurried through the crowded streets, anxious to get to work as soon as possible. By now I was already an hour and a half late and there was absolutely no chance of getting away with it today. My absence would definitely have been noticed by now but there was nothing I could do about it.

As I expected, the shop was extremely busy and I decided to walk straight in through the front doors, as any attempt to sneak in unnoticed would be futile. Julie was finishing a telephone call at the counter and unfortunately lifted her head just as I walked past. She gave a sigh of resignation and ended her call, quickly following me down the corridor into the staff room.

"Nice of you to join us today Jason!"

Her remark was loaded with sarcasm, but choosing to ignore it, I quickly apologised in the most remorseful voice I could muster.

"I'm really sorry Julie, my train was cancelled" I explained hastily "I had to catch a bus and it took forever"

I gave her my best puppy dog look and her tone softened slightly as she gazed at my worried face. She smiled and shook her head.

"OK Jason. But don't try too hard!"

There was no fooling her that was for sure and she continued in her usual business-like manner.

"Anyway Jason, can you get ready as soon as possible, we're already short staffed today"

"Why, who's not here?" I enquired innocently, already suspecting what the answer would be.

An annoyed expression immediately clouded her face, and she shook her head despairingly "Oh just Aiden"

It was almost certainly my fault that he wasn't at work and her next words confirmed my worst fears.

"He's had to have an emergency appointment with the dentist" she explained wearily "Something about a loose tooth"

The news made my heart sink like a stone and my legs suddenly felt weak. The whole situation was turning into a nightmare and I didn’t want to say a thing in case I gave her an inkling of my involvement. I had to know if he was coming to work though, so I held my breath and tentatively enquired.

"Will he be here later Julie?"

"He'd better be! He's had enough time off sick lately"

Now that she mentioned it, he did seem to have been off an awful lot just lately. Although he hadn't confirmed it, there were rumours going around the store that his mother was ill, and it didn't make me feel any better to think that this time his absence was down to me. I certainly hadn't meant to cause him any lasting injury, but it had been quite a punch and I winced as the moment that my hand had connected with his mouth came rushing back to haunt me.

"Of course, I'll have to mention it to Mr. Buchan, you do know that Jason"

"Sorry, what was that Julie?" I said, suddenly realising that she'd continued talking.

"I said, I'll have to mention it to Mr. Buchan" she repeated, annoyed that I hadn't been listening.

All I could do was nod forlornly. As if I didn’t have enough problems already!

"Anyway, it'll have to wait until tomorrow now. Mr. Buchan's not in today"

I nodded unhappily, wishing that the situation could have been avoided. The manager was quite strict where time keeping was concerned and the last thing I wanted to do was get in his bad books. She gazed at my dejected face and seemed to relent a little.

"Look, if you’re willing to make the time up, we'll say no more about it"

She smiled as my face lit up. "Oh, thanks Julie" I said gratefully "That'd be fantastic"

She turned and quickly left the room, once again urging me to hurry along.

I saw Aiden arrive about an hour later. His lip was swollen and red and as he glared across at me, I could see he was still seething with anger. If looks could kill I'd have dropped dead on the spot there and then, but I just turned away, a part of me still thinking he deserved what he'd got. Because of the way he looked, Julie had him working mainly in the storeroom and I managed to avoid him all afternoon, despite the fact that he tried his best to corner me.

At last it was time for my break, and I hurried to the staff room, desperate to put as much distance between us as possible. It was a chance to relax for half an hour away from Aidan's glares and the hustle and bustle of the busy store. I'd almost finished my break when the door opened and Sarah Benson walked in, about to start her break. My body tensed and I hurriedly gulped down the remains of my coffee, suddenly in a hurry to return to work.

Sarah was an extremely attractive 18-year-old, who'd only recently started working at the store. All the other guys fancied her something rotten and several of them had asked her out, but without success. Unfortunately, I had a horrible sinking feeling that it was me she had a crush on and that was the last thing I either needed or wanted. Once or twice I'd caught her looking at me in a way I can only describe as flirtatious and there were several occasions when her hand had brushed against mine, lingering that little bit longer than was necessary.

"I thought you weren’t due back for another five minutes? she said, sitting down opposite me.

I blushed slightly and looked at my watch, only to realize once again that it wasn't there. "Oh, I thought it was later" I spluttered unconvincingly.

"Whatever have you done to your wrist…and your knuckles!" she exclaimed in a shocked voice. "They look terrible"

"Oh, it's nothing, really” I said airily, attempting to brush it off “It looks a lot worse than it is. I just scraped them against a wall"

"It doesn't look like nothing to me" she said sympathetically, quickly grabbing my hand and running her fingers softly up and down the jagged scar. I winced and drew my hand away sharply, quickly pulling my sleeve down. The legs of my chair scraped the floor as I quickly stood up, eager for once to return to work.

"Don't go yet Jason" she pleaded "I wanted to ask you something"

"What?" I said, reluctantly sitting down again.

She paused slightly and gazed at me nervously "I…erm just wondered if you'd like to come for a drink with me after work"

By now I was beginning to feel acutely uncomfortable. The palms of my hands had become sweaty, and I would have given anything to loosen my tie and unbutton my shirt collar. The power of speech seemed to have almost deserted me as I stammered weakly

"Oh, erm sorry Sarah, I can't tonight, I've got stuff to do"

"Ok, but it's the Christmas party on Friday" she went on eagerly, "Perhaps we can get together then?"

"Oh, I'm not going this year" I said quickly, trying to hide the sound of relief in my voice. "It's my birthday and I'm going out with a friend instead"

The disappointment was evident in her expression and I hated giving her the brush off.

"Oh well, never mind" she sighed "Another time maybe"

"Yeah, maybe"

I heaved a sigh of relief. It was a situation I'd managed to avoid several times in the past, but I realized with unease that this time might not be so easy. For some reason I couldn't shake off the feeling that I hadn't heard the last about this and I mentally kicked myself. Why on earth hadn’t I just said that I already had a girlfriend? It had worked in the past and instead of my mumbled refusal, at least it would’ve sounded plausible. Then again, I reasoned, why get stuck in a web of lies. It would only get more difficult in the long run and if Aiden started mouthing off, she'd probably start thinking I was gay anyway and then the problem wouldn't exist. I shuddered inside at the thought of everyone knowing my secret. One half of me was terrified and ashamed that people would know and treat me differently, yet for some reason since meeting Nathan, even though he probably wasn’t gay, the other half of me wanted to shout it from the rooftops for all to hear, proud to be my true self at last.

"Right, got to go now" I said hurriedly, pointing to the door. "I'm due back any minute."

"Well have a nice birthday anyway"

"Yeah, I will. Thanks"

I left her sitting there with a disappointed look on her face and for a fleeting moment a feeling of regret washed over me at not being able to accept her invitation. Then I thought of Nathan's handsome, smiling face and in an instant the feeling was gone, replaced by one of undeniable pleasure.

Aiden didn’t catch up with me until much later in the evening when the store was quieter. I'd just finished serving a customer who'd changed his mind about what he wanted to buy several times and this was my second trip to the store room to put away his unwanted items. The equipment I was carrying was heavy and awkward and I really shouldn't have been carrying it on my own. The rules stated that any large or heavy items to be returned to the storeroom must always be carried back with the assistance of another member of staff. Aiden, however, was the only other member of staff available at that time and there was no way I was going to ask for his help. He would almost certainly have refused to help me anyway and I was desperate to avoid him. Instead of waiting for someone else, I stupidly carried on against my better judgment, struggling slowly along the corridor with the heavy box in my hands. Thankfully, the storeroom had no door, and I was able to negotiate my way inside quite easily. Now the problem was putting it away. This type of computer was housed on the second shelf, accessed using a small purpose-built ladder with steps at each side, making it easy for two people to assist each other. One person on their own, however, was a different matter and I weighed up the possibility of waiting and asking someone else to help, foolishly deciding against it once more. Struggling up the two steps, I rested the box precariously on top of the rail that ran halfway around and struggled to catch my breath.

"So Jason, did you tell your boyfriend about hitting me?"

Suddenly, Aiden was there beside me! He’d obviously crept up on me and the shock of hearing someone's voice so close by made me jump and I watched in horror as the box slipped out of my hands. With a sickening crash it hit the floor and the silence that followed was broken only by the sound of Aiden's nervous laughter.

"Fucking hell Aiden, you made me jump!"

"Hey, don't blame me, you should have asked me to help!"

He was right of course. There was no excuse and we both knew it.

"It serve's you right anyway!" he went on, shaking his head angrily "You shouldn't have fucking hit me”

"And you shouldn't have said what you did!" I retorted, almost before he'd stopped talking.

Our voices were gradually getting louder and louder and the tension between us was rising. Before I could stop him, he’d moved closer and pinned me roughly against the wall with his arm against my throat, until his face was inches away from mine. I struggled to escape but Aiden was strong and his grip was firm, leaving me helpless to move. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek and his clenched fist was drawn back ready to hit me. At that moment, despite the seriousness of the situation, a strange fantasy rushed through my mind and I longed to feel his hot lips pushed against mine in a passionate kiss. It instantly dissipated and I closed my eyes in anticipation, waiting for his blow. Only it never came! All of a sudden, for some reason, he changed his mind and released me, the look on his face changing to a self-satisfied smirk.

"You are in so much trouble!" he said quietly, with a triumphant look on his face. "Let’s face it Jason, you haven’t exactly been employee of the month, have you?”

He started counting my failures off on his fingers one by one. “Late on Monday. Even later today, an hour and a half wasn’t it…..”

I immediately interrupted him “How do you know I was late today?”

“What can I say Jason, news travels fast in this place”

“So, I’ve been late a couple of times, it’s no big deal!”

He continued as though he’d never been interrupted. "When I tell Mr. Buchan you hit me......as well as smashing the computer……" He laughed, nodding his head towards the crushed box "It'll be bye bye Jason"

He waved his hand mockingly to emphasis his meaning and my heart sank. He did intend to tell the manager about our fracas after all and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"Fucking hell Aiden. You can't do that!" I cried desperately

"Watch me!" he replied, laughing mirthlessly

"Dropping the computer was half your fault anyway!"

"Nothing to do with me. You were holding it......or not as the case may be"

"You shouldn't have startled me"

"Ah, never mind! Does Jason get frightened easily" he replied mockingly, stroking my hair.

I pushed his hand away roughly and fought back the tears of frustration, trying instead to appeal to his better nature.

"Fucking hell Aiden, I need this job!"

"You should have thought about that before you decided to hit me" he spat out.

I hated to crawl but the time to try was well and truly here. "Look Aiden, perhaps I went a bit too far. Lost my temper. But you've got to understand......"

"I haven't got to do anything" he interrupted

"Aiden!!........"

"Too little, too late Jason" he laughed, turning away "Fuck you!"

He walked towards the corridor, turning back towards me at the last moment "Anyway Jase, you never answered my question"

"What question?" I asked him wearily

"Did you tell your boyfriend that you'd hit me?"

"Aiden, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't have a fucking boyfriend! And don't call me that either!”

"Whatever.........Jase!"

With the final jibe he was gone, and I sank down against the wall with my head in my hands, unable to stem the flood of tears that engulfed me. I must have sat there without moving for at least five minutes, before the sound of Julie's raised voice caught my attention. My heart began to pound with fear and I quickly struggled to my feet and hastily straightened my uniform before she saw me.

“Jason.....Are you there?

There was no need to answer because seconds later she rounded the corner and stopped suddenly, taking in the crumpled box and my guilty expression in one glance.

Her voice was full of shock and concern as she gazed at me in puzzlement. "Jason, what happened?"

"I'm really sorry Julie. I....erm...I dropped it"

"I can see that. But are you ok?"

"Yeah, I guess"

"What about the person who helped you. Are they ok?"

My heart began to pound even faster, and I nervously chewed my bottom lip as I prepared to confess.

"Erm...that's the thing you see Julie, there was no one else. I was on my own"

"Jason! she exploded angrily "You know the rules. If you have to use the stepladder to put something away, you ask for help! "

"I know, but I thought I could.….."

"But you couldn't though, could you?" She interrupted in an icy voice "And now you've damaged expensive equipment!!”

“Look, I’m sorry....I...”

“Not good enough Jason!” she exclaimed in an angry voice “You can forget all about our earlier arrangement, it's straight to Mr. Buchan in the morning and god knows what he's going to say!"

I shrugged my shoulders in despair. Aiden had a lot to answer for. Ultimately, I had to take responsibility for dropping the computer, but if he hadn't startled me, I doubt it would have slipped through my fingers.

Julie cut through my thoughts abruptly with her curt request. "Bring it to the office Jason".

I picked up the crumpled box and followed her down the corridor, slipping through the office door whilst she held it open. No sooner had it shut behind me than she started to berate me.

“What on earth were you doing?” she exclaimed in an exasperated voice. “Why can’t you be more careful?”

My voice stuttered as I tried desperately to apologise “Look, I’m really sorry Julie. I.......“

“That’s twice you’ve been really sorry today” she interrupted testily “It’s just not good enough”

I looked at her helplessly, unable to stop repeating myself. “I know, I’m really sorry”

She shook her head with annoyance and responded in a despairing voice “So you keep saying Jason. How on earth did it happen?”

I’d already decided not to involve Aiden, frightened of his earlier threat to tell Mr. Buchan about hitting him. It didn't come naturally for me to lie, but I struggled on, desperate to make it sound plausible.

“I was on the stepladder resting it on the handrail and it just sort of slipped out of my hands” I said lamely.

“It just sort of slipped out of your hands” she repeated, shaking her head despairingly.

I nodded, unwilling to elaborate any further.

“Well, you’ll have to see Mr. Buchan when he gets back tomorrow” she reiterated “And I’ll have to mention the timekeeping incident as well” she added, as if to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.

I gazed at her despondently and once again picked up the box. “Where do you think you’re going with that?” she snapped

“I was going to put it back in the storeroom”

“It’s no good in the storeroom now, is it? That’s why I told you to bring it here"

"No, I suppose not" I answered meekly

"Just leave it on the floor in the corner. And shut the door on the way out!”

As I hastily backed out of the office, Aiden was lurking in the corridor, waiting for me. He reached out and grabbed me roughly by the arm as I drew near, pulling me to one side. “You better not have said anything about me” he hissed in my ear.

“I’ve told her everything” I said, unable to resist winding him up for a change. “She wants to see you straight away”

His eyes widened in alarm and he tensed, tightening his grip on my arm. “You better fucking not have!”

“Relax Aiden, I didn’t say a word. But thanks to you, I’ve got to see Mr. Buchan tomorrow”

He gave a barely discernible sigh of relief and released my arm, whispering menacingly in my ear. "Wise decision, gay boy. Don’t think I’m going forget about you hitting me as easy as that!"

I felt the anger rise up in me and opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly snapped it shut again, realising it would be futile to try and reason with him. With a heavy heart, I followed him down the corridor into the store, appalled at how my life was beginning to spiral out of control.