A Different Love - 33. Chapter 33

It was 9am on Wednesday morning when the beeping sound of my mobile phone woke me up with a start. A message notification from Nathan was slowly moving across the screen and I smiled sleepily as I tapped the button to open it.

‘Morning Jase. Just wanted to wish you luck for your interview with Mr.Buchan’

My brief euphoria at seeing Nathan’s name quickly evaporated like steam escaping from a kettle, as the spectre of work and my interview with Mr. Buchan clouded my thoughts. As if that wasn't enough, the fear and apprehension of how much worse Aiden intended to make it returned with a vengeance. I was still clinging on to the forlorn hope that he would remain silent, but I didn’t hold out much hope.

If only I’d known what kind of day it was going to be, I would never have got out bed. Nevertheless, I had to keep my spirits up and I quickly replied to Nathan.

‘Thanks. I’m hoping for the best. How are you?’

‘I feel great!’ he replied ‘Went for a run first thing this morning and took a nice hot shower afterwards. You really ought to join me one morning Jase!’

My heart flipped and I couldn’t help thinking he must have read my mind. His next text came back almost instantly.

‘On the run that is, not in the shower!’

I quickly replied as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world ‘Yeah, I sort of guessed that!’

‘See you 2nite Jase. Take Care x’

Without thinking, I inadvertently kissed my phone before replying. ‘Will do Naith. See you2nite x’

My heart was already beating madly as I punched the code into the secure door at the back of the store. I planned to take a few minutes to calm down in the staff room before starting work and made my way slowly down the corridor, hoping it would be empty. As soon as I entered the room, something felt wrong. Glancing casually over towards the row of metal lockers on the far wall, I was surprised to notice that one of the doors stood slightly ajar. Normally they were kept locked when members of staff were in the store and with the room being empty, it was most unusual to see one left open. The feeling that something wasn’t quite right persisted and as I approached the bank of lockers I suddenly realised with a jolt that the open one was mine. Thinking back to the previous night, I was certain that I’d locked it and my hand automatically felt for the key in my pocket for confirmation. My heart began to beat even faster than before as I gazed in despair at the twisted metal door, confirming my worst fears that it had been forcibly opened. The reason why soon became apparent as I gazed in shock at the pornographic photograph of a fully aroused male model stuck to the inside of the door. An arrow pointed upwards towards the erect penis and a caption, written in black felt tip pen, boldly announced:

‘BET YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THIS JASON!’

I exploded in anger and a loud crash followed as I forcefully slammed the door shut and banged it with my fist, furious at the intrusion of my privacy and the obvious insinuation. Tearing the photograph down, I ripped it to shreds and watched in despair as the pieces fluttered to the floor around me. Tears of frustration ran down my cheeks, and my face was flushed red with anger. There was a sudden nervous cough and I swung around, up to that moment totally unaware of anyone else’s presence in the room. Tom was standing by the sink, partially shielded by the open door and I could tell by his face that he'd already seen the photograph. His expression was full of uncertainty and he gulped nervously.

"Are….are you alright Jason?” he stuttered.

Desperate for an opportunity to vent my anger, I instantly snapped back at him. “Of course I’m not alright!! Have you seen that fucking picture?”

Tom's voice shook slightly and he gazed at me steadily "I didn't know whether to take it down or not"

It was probably too late by now anyway. Aiden was obviously behind it all and I was pretty sure that by now he would have made sure that as many people as possible had seen it. As I looked at Tom’s downcast face, I immediately regretted the way I’d spoken to him and quickly apologised.

“Hey, I’m really sorry Tom. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. Of course you wouldn't know”

“It's ok Jason, forget it” he answered.

The concern was still etched across his face as he nodded towards the locker. “Looks like you had good reason to be mad!”

Tom was the first person I'd met when I came for my interview at the store. He was a really nice guy, always willing to help me and had since become a firm friend and an invaluable ally against Craig and Aiden. He was also absolutely gorgeous and I’d always admired him from afar. Unfortunately, he had an equally gorgeous girlfriend and a second baby on the way, so even if I had been interested, there was about as much chance of anything happening between us as snow falling in hell. He pushed the door shut and with a worried expression on his face, thankfully grasped my good arm.

“Look, sit down. I need to talk to you before you go out there”

“Why, what’s happened now?” I asked him warily.

We sat down at the table and he hesitated before beginning. “Jason, there’s something I think you should know”

“What?” I answered, with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I felt sorry for him as he struggled to tell me what I already suspected, painfully aware how difficult it must be for him.

“There’s a rumour going round the store that you’re……well, they’re saying that you’re…"

I began to bite my fingernails as I finished his sentence in a shaking voice “That I’m gay, you mean?”

He looked at me with a surprised expression on his face “You already knew!”

“Yeah, I did. And it’s all down to those fucking idiots, Craig and Aiden”

“That’s no surprise.” he exclaimed, shaking his head in disgust “Those guys really needs sorting out.”

“I think that might be the problem” I muttered guiltily “I already did. Well Aiden anyway”

“What do you mean?” he asked, grasping my shoulder.

I adopted Nathan's habit and chewed my bottom lip nervously. “The thing is Tom, I erm….Well, I hit him!”

His eyes opened wide and he stared at me in disbelief. “Please tell me you’re joking Jason!”

I looked away and he let out a gasp of astonishment as he realized I meant every word.

“No, afraid I'm not.” I answered in a resigned voice “It was stupid, I know that now. You don’t have to tell me”

“Did you hit him at work?”

“No, it was in the village, where we both live”

“But why? I know he can be an idiot, but he’s not worth losing your job over”

“And now he’s threatened to tell Mr. Buchan I did it at work!” I continued desperately “What am I going to do Tom?”

“You’ve got to tell him the truth!” he urged, insistently

“I can't! He won’t believe me. Aiden’ll just get Craig to say that he saw me hit him in the storeroom or something. And the thing is, he’s got the split lip and bruised mouth to back up his story”

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair as Tom mulled over the implications of what I’d said. After a while he gave me a puzzled look and his brow creased into a frown.

“What I don’t understand is why he’s suddenly telling everyone that you’re gay?”

“Oh, it all started out as a joke” I explained vaguely, starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

“Not a very nice joke”

“Yeah well, that’s those two for you” I answered ruefully “Craig saw me in the cinema with a friend and made some stupid comment about us looking cosy together! I told him to drop dead and thought that was the end of it”

“Only it wasn’t”

“No, it wasn’t.” I went on, managing a nervous laugh “This is Craig and Aiden we're talking about after all!”

“Yeah, of course!” agreed Tom

“Aiden just wouldn’t leave it alone and when I saw him outside the shop in Dryford he called me a fucking gayboy, so I followed him around the corner. We argued and then he made some filthy comment about…..well never mind what he said. I just saw red and lashed out. I must have hit him pretty hard because he didn't get up until I'd gone”

“Phew!!” Tom remarked incredulously “And now he’s all out for revenge”

“Yeah, he is” I said bitterly “He just won’t stop going on about me being gay”

Tom gazed at me apprehensively and I could tell he was struggling with the decision to say something. "Look Jason......the last thing I want to do is upset you again by saying this, but is there…..well is there any truth in it?”

His last few words tumbled out quickly as he struggled to hide his embarrassment. “I mean it doesn’t matter to me if there is” he added hastily "You're still a good mate whatever and you always will be"

There was a brief pause and deliberately avoiding his gaze, I studied a patch of flaking paint on the wall behind him. I’d never been a particularly good liar and now was no exception.

He gently urged me further. “Jason?”

“No, of course not.” I answered him finally, as if it were the most ridiculous question in the world “You know what this place is like Tom, there’s always some kind of rumour going around”

He gazed at me sympathetically and I reddened slightly, pretty sure that the subject had only been shelved for the moment. Tom wasn't stupid by a long way and it was obvious by his expression that he'd guessed the truth. Thankfully he didn't push it any further, but at least I felt relieved to know he was on my side.

“Look Jason, if you ever need to talk to anyone about…...”

He paused and changed what he was about to say “Well, about anything really, you know where I am”

I looked at him gratefully, but before I could make any kind of response the door suddenly opened and in walked Aiden, a broad grin spreading across his face when he saw me. Tom stood up and turned towards him with an angry expression clouding his face. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back down again. The last thing I needed was for someone else to be in trouble because of me.

“Leave it Tom, I’ll deal with it”

“You should be ashamed of yourself Aiden" snarled Tom "Why can’t you just leave him alone?”

“Why don’t you mind your own fucking business?” he shot back in an instant.

“It is my business, he’s my friend!”

“Yeah, well make sure he’s not too close a friend” he remarked, sniggering “You might get more than you bargained for”

“What? Like you did, you mean!”

Aiden’s hand went straight to his lip and as he touched it an expression of pain and defiance crossed his face. “Nobody hit’s me and gets away with it!”

“Yeah, but you provoked him” argued Tom “You deserved everything you got”

“What are you still doing here anyway?” he snapped back at Tom “I’m on my break now so you should be back in the shop”

Tom looked at the clock and reluctantly got up from the table, pushing Aiden roughly to one side. “Just leave him alone Aiden” he warned “Or you’ll have me to deal with”

For a second or two a fleeting look of fear crossed his face before the cocky, self assured expression returned. With a look of derision on his face Tom turned and left the room. As soon as he was a safe distance away Aiden shouted after him.

“My my, we are protective all of a sudden. Decided to catch the other bus, have you Tom?”

Spinning around on his heel, he turned his attention to me and a snigger crept over his face “Looking forward to your last day at work Jason?”

“I suppose you’re responsible for that?” I said, ignoring his jibe and nodding my head towards the lockers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he answered, feigning innocence

“The picture” I shouted “Stuck inside my locker”

“If you want to keep dirty pictures in your locker Jason, don’t blame me”

“I didn’t put it there!”

His eyes opened wide in mock surprise “No? Well neither did I!”

He stared at me defiantly, knowing I couldn’t prove a thing. Moving over to the lockers, I opened the door and reached inside for my tie.

“Look at the door, I can’t even lock it now” I complained, banging it shut behind me.

“Temper, temper Jason”

“Go to hell Aiden!”

He laughed at the fact that he’d managed to wind me up yet again and like an idiot I’d allowed him to do it.

“Anyway, you’re even more of a bender than I thought you were!” he went on.

I stood against the locker and closing my eyes took a deep breath, willing myself not to hit him again. If I did, it really would be curtains this time and whilst there was a chance, however slim, of keeping my job I couldn't afford to throw it away. Instead I did my best to ignore him.

“I don’t want to hear it Aiden. Fuck Off for Christ’s sake! Just leave me alone”

He wasn't going to let it drop though and completely undeterred, he carried on talking, the smug defiant expression never leaving his face. "I hear you turned down a date with Sarah Benson” he exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief “That proves it, you must be fucking gay? No straight guy in their right mind would ever do that!”

My heart sank, knowing that as well as what he said was true, it also gave him more ammunition to fire. Sarah must have told someone about my refusal to go out with her and it had probably spread around the store like wildfire. Realising too late how stupid it was, I desperately tried some damage limitation.

“I’m going out on Friday with someone else if you must know”

“Another girl?”

“Well no….It’s erm....it’s with someone else actually” I stuttered defensively “It’s been arranged for ages”

“I thought it wouldn’t be a girl” he exclaimed, without even waiting for me to deny it “I didn’t expect anything else really”

“Well you’re not fucking disappointed then, are you” I fired back.

His insults cut me up inside, and it was all I could do to retain my composure. No matter how harsh his jibes and put downs were, for some reason I still couldn't believe that this was the real Aiden. There was no doubt about it, he was hot headed and easily influenced by other people. Although we'd clashed at school, he'd been brilliant when I first started at the store and after our initial awkwardness, had been extremely helpful and friendly. I'd been placed with him to learn the job and although his behaviour became a bit strange after that, I'd always put it down to his obnoxious mate Craig's influence. How could someone change so much so suddenly? The Aiden I'd come to know would never have said what he had outside the shop in Hamborough. What had happened to the friendly, helpful guy who’d taken me under his wing in my first weeks at the store?

He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him menacingly, whispering threateningly in my ear.

“Don’t think I’ve finished with you yet Jason, I've already spoken to Mr. Buchan. This is your last fucking day!”

His words made my blood run cold and I couldn't keep the despair out of my voice. “Just keep away from me Aiden, I don't want anything to do with you”

“I’m glad you’re not coming to the party on Friday night anyway" he went on, as though I hadn't spoken "At least I won’t have to see you”

For some reason, it struck me as rather an odd thing to say. Why would it matter if he saw me or not?

“And in any case” he added as an afterthought "Ex staff aren't allowed!"

Shaking my arm free angrily, I hurried from the room with the sound of his laughter ringing in my ears. As if the altercation with Aiden wasn't enough, when I left the staff room the supervisor was coming down the corridor towards me. I gazed at her despondently as she tapped me lightly on the shoulder.

“Interview at 2 O’clock sharp with Mr Buchan Jason. Don’t forget!”

As if I needed reminding, I thought to myself despairingly. “No, of course not Julie” I replied despondently.

The shop was full of customers when I entered a few seconds later and I was immediately surrounded by people needing assistance. Unfortunately, serving customers was the last thing on my mind and I couldn’t help myself from glancing at the clock every few minutes as it moved agonizingly closer to 2pm. After a few disgruntled sighs and dissatisfied head shaking from customers who could see I was miles away, I had no choice but to force myself to concentrate. As lunchtime approached, there was a sudden lull and I glanced casually towards the back of the store. Aiden glared back at me with a look of smug satisfaction etched across his face. He slowly drew a finger across his throat in a silent gesture of victory and I stared back at him defiantly, hating the fact that he’d won. Tom was serving a customer a few yards away and a smile crossed his face when he saw me. With a look of encouragement and a wink, he mouthed the words 'good luck' as I passed by him. Glad that at least someone was on my side, I smiled back at him, grateful for his support.

In what seemed like no time at all it was 2pm and Julie appeared at my side as if by magic. She whispered in my ear, smiling at the customer I'd just finished serving.

"It’s time to go Jason”

By this time my stomach had tied itself in knots and nodding in silent agreement, I felt physically sick. Aiden's self satisfied smirk didn't help and feeling like a condemned man being led to the gallows, I followed her slowly down the corridor towards the office, anxiously awaiting my fate. She tapped sharply on Mr. Buchan's door and went inside, making sure it closed firmly behind her. I stood there, alone and vulnerable, desperately wishing that Nathan could be with me. An aching desire to be close to him pounded in my chest and I longed to feel the protection of his arms wrapped tightly around me. Within seconds the door re-opened and she came out again, a look of sympathy on her face.

“Sorry to keep you waiting Jason, I’m sure you want to get this over with as soon as possible”

By this time my mouth had gone dry with fear and I could barely respond to her apology. Instead, I gave a silent nod of acknowledgement.

“Mr. Buchan’s taking a telephone call at the moment” she explained “but he’ll be with you as soon as possible.”

I simply nodded my head and sat down on the single chair, afraid my shaking legs would fail to support me. With a brief nod she was gone and I was left alone to ponder my fate. My pulse raced as I sat waiting to see him and my heart pounded so hard, I was sure it would burst through my chest at any moment. An overwhelming feeling of sickness washed over me as several questions flooded my mind, each one demanding an immediate answer. What would I tell mum and dad? They would never believe I’d lost my job at the busiest time of the year without good reason. How would Nathan react? It wouldn’t be so easy to fool him and I knew he would want to know every last detail. But most importantly, how would Mr. Buchan react to Aiden’s accusations? I was sure he would say that hitting another employee was totally unacceptable, even outside of work.

As the minutes ticked by, the strong possibility of losing my job became ever more real and I dreaded the implications that were bound to follow. It was my only source of income and I desperately needed the money. Lost in such dismal thoughts, I failed to hear the authoritative summons as the door finally opened.

“Come in Jason!”

The assertive command quickly brought me back to reality and jumping to my feet, I hurriedly followed him into the office.

“Take a seat Jason” he said firmly.

The chair squeaked as I pulled it backwards and sat down wearily. My hands were sweating profusely and I rubbed them on the rough material of the chair arms in a vain attempt to dry them. Unable to stop myself from fidgeting, I gazed at him warily, waiting for the admonishment to begin.

John Buchan was a no-nonsense, tough talking Scotsman who expected the highest standards from all his staff. He was a tall, imposing man with flaming red hair and a wild goatee beard. For some reason I always imagined him playing a set of bagpipes on some remote Scottish island, tartan kilt flapping around his knees in the rough wind. The image came to me again as I sat looking at him and I struggled to hide a smile, painfully aware how grim my situation was. Fortunately, he was studying some papers on his desk and my face immediately became serious as he started talking in his rich Scottish dialect.

“Now then laddie, I understand you’ve been late twice this week already.”

“Yes, I’m afraid so” I answered timidly, knowing it would be useless to lie. I suddenly wondered how he knew about Monday as well. Unless the supervisor had eyes in the back of her head it could only have been one person. Definitely no prizes for guessing who!

“So what have you got to say for yourself Jason?” he continued curtly, a scowl furrowing his brow.

This time I hesitated, before finally deciding to lie. Admitting that I'd lost track of time in the library on Monday and missing my train would only serve to confirm what he already thought and I rushed to explain.

“I’m really sorry Mr. Buchan, but the trains let me down on both days”

“You should give yourself more time then” he snapped back at me. “It’s your responsibility to be punctual”

I could feel my face beginning to flush as I quickly agreed with him. “I know, I'm sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise”

“Sorry just doesn't cut it Jason" he said, shaking his head “If it was just that I might be able to overlook it, but just lately your heads been all over the place”

It was true, I couldn't deny it. Ever since Nathan had walked into my life he'd been almost constantly in my thoughts. Lately work had become a mere distraction. Something to be endured until it was time to see him again.

“I did start early today Mr. Buchan” I cut in, eager to try and claw back some lost ground, but knowing that it probably wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference to the outcome.

"And that's commendable Jason, it really is" he said, shaking his head sadly "But it doesn't excuse that!"

He pointed towards the damaged computer in the corner. The crumpled box was on its side underneath the table and the computer had been unpacked and lay on top. I gasped in dismay at the half open broken lid and the extensive damage alone one side. It was totally irreparable and my voice shook as I began to explain

"I tried to return it to the store room on my own Mr. Buchan. I know I shouldn’t have, but everyone else was so busy and......"

My voice tailed off to a whisper as I gazed at his angry expression. I hadn't a leg to stand on and knew it was futile to attempt to justify my actions.

"But why Jason? " he asked incredulously "You know the rules!"

I remained silent, unwilling to explain about Aiden for fear of making things worse.

“What on earth were you doing!” he went on despairingly. “You’ve got to be a lot more careful than this!"

I could see the expression of concern etched across his face and his eyes widened incredulously.

"Most importantly, you could easily have been injured if the computer had fallen on you. Aside from the fact that this is expensive equipment you're dealing with, your safety is paramount Jason! That's why rules and safe working practices exist. You blatantly broke those rules and that’s just not good enough"

"Yes, I know Mr. Buchan. I'm sor......"

He completely ignored my interruption and carried on as if I hadn't spoken “Look Jason, I understand you have some personal issues to deal with, your father etc, but even so…"

The next part of the interview passed by in a blur, as he went on and on about how important it was to be on time and concentrate on what you were doing. I somehow managed to say yes and no in all the right places until finally, he fell silent and frowned at me thoughtfully. The silence made my heart pound like a pile driver and I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, waiting for him to get around to the subject of Aiden. Why was he prolonging the agony? For god’s sake get it over with, I silently pleaded. With a mounting sense of trepidation, I waited for the inevitable and painful conclusion to begin.

Only it never came!!

His next words came to me through a haze of confusion and misapprehension and my eyes widened in disbelief.

“So I’ve decided to give you a written warning this time Jason. You’ll also have to make the time up and pay for the damage. We’ll be deducting it from your salary” he added, as if confirmation were needed “But you seriously need to buck your ideas up laddie”

I listened in stunned silence, holding my breath until I was sure that I’d heard him correctly.

"One more occasion, however" he warned ominously "And I'll have no choice but to consider dismissal. Please don’t let it come to that Jason”

I nodded my understanding and a shiver ran down my spine as I rushed to reassure him.

“No, don’t worry Mr. Buchan. It won’t”

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my assurance. “Right then laddie, you’d better get back to work quick smart!”

My backside seemed to be welded to the seat and it felt as if my feet were set in concrete. He stared at me and shook his head in puzzlement

“Was there something else Jason?”

“No no, nothing at all” I whispered in a shocked voice.

"Off you go then!"

“Yes, of course” I mumbled, relieved it was finally over.

Movement suddenly returned to my body and I scuttled from the room like a frightened rabbit with Mr. Buchan's voice still ringing in my ears. An overwhelming feeling of relief washed over me as the pent up feelings of anguish and despair were quickly replaced by anger at Aiden’s deceit. I realized that he’d never had the slightest intention of telling Mr. Buchan in the first place. He was obviously playing some sadistic game of cat and mouse, cruelly taunting me before finally pouncing for the kill. I couldn’t believe what he’d put me through and I left the office boiling with rage, determined to confront him. The thought of playing his sick games filled me with disgust and I wished for the thousandth time that I hadn't hit him. As I passed the open door to the staff room Aiden suddenly appeared and roughly grasped my wrist, dragging me inside. The pain shot through my body like a red hot poker touching my skin and I cried out in pain.

"ARGH!!!!! Fucking hell Aiden, let go!!"

He removed his hand immediately and I leant against the door frame, gingerly drawing back the sleeve of my shirt. The jagged wound on my wrist was still red and sore and he recoiled slightly in shock as soon as he saw it. A thin line of blood oozed out where Aiden's grip had squeezed it and I rushed to the sink for some kitchen roll, dabbing it lightly before it had chance to stain my shirt.

"How the fuck did you do that?" he exclaimed.

The shooting pain and dash to the sink had made me feel slightly sick and dizzy and I staggered towards a chair. Unbelievably, he rushed to help me, grasping me firmly by the other arm and shoulder until I'd managed to sit down. I couldn’t quite believe my ears when he gazed at me in concern and in a worried voice asked how I felt

"You ok Jason? Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you"

For a few seconds I could only glare at him, marvelling at the irony of the situation. He may not have wanted to hurt me physically but he'd done a pretty good job of hurting me in other ways. After what he'd put me through today, I was anything but ok and my anger quickly returned.

"What the fuck do you care? I exploded, roughly pulling my arm away.

For a second or two he was too shocked to respond before quickly reverting to type. "So, let me guess Jason, you're still a member of staff?"

His self satisfied smirk and the casual way he reacted incensed me even further and my face flushed with anger.

“You bastard” I shouted furiously, standing up and slamming him against the lockers. Fist clenched, I raised my arm ready to hit him, but wasn’t prepared for how calmly he reacted.

“I wouldn’t do that Jason” he warned, with just a hint of fear on his face “Or else this time I really will tell him!”

By the look in his eyes, I could see that he meant it and I slowly lowered my arm in defeat, realising that he still had the upper hand.

“That’s better Jason” he said, straightening his uniform and exhaling loudly “I think once is enough, don’t you?”

“Why are you being like this Aiden” I threw back at him despairingly “Just because…….”

“Just because what Jason?” he asked, immediately picking up on my unfinished sentence “Because you’re gay?”

“NO!” I shouted defensively “Because you think I’m gay”

The knowing smile quickly returned to his face and he shook his head, intimating that he didn't believe a word. “Oh, I think we both know the truth about that one Jason, don’t we?”

He was like a dog with a bone and my heart sank in despair as I realised he wasn't going to let it go until he found out the truth.

“Go to hell Aiden!”

“Whatever you say Jase”

“And don’t call me that” I snapped back at him, far too angrily “My name is Jason!”

"So that's what your boyfriend calls you, is it?" he taunted

Even though Nathan wasn't my boyfriend it was still pretty close to the truth. He was the only one who had ever called me Jase and I couldn’t bear to hear it coming from Aiden's mouth. I sighed wearily, suddenly feeling as though I didn't have the energy or inclination to confirm or deny it. I shook my head in resignation and my eyes glistened with the threat of tears.

"Whatever Aiden. Just leave me alone"

He immediately sensed the change in my demeanour and as he moved closer towards me, my pulse began to race crazily. By now our faces were only inches apart and the throbbing in my chest intensified tenfold. My throat had suddenly gone dry and I gulped nervously as he whispered in a barely audible voice

“That's the problem Jason. I can't”

What happened next totally stunned and shocked me. My heart thudded uncontrollably as he gently brushed my face with the back of his hand.

"Why do I find you so fucking irresistible Jason?"

Fear and apprehension were etched across his face as he leant in and kissed me softly on the lips. As he withdrew the only words he could muster were whispered in a breathless voice

"Your boyfriend won't mind just once, will he?"

I instantly recoiled with astonishment, unable to believe what had just happened. Over the years, Aiden had often been the subject of my dreams and fantasies, but to actually kiss him was way beyond my wildest expectations, especially when it had been initiated by him. On the many occasions I'd thought about him in a sexual way, his strong muscular body and rugged good looks had often sent me spiralling into ecstasy, but his unquestionable heterosexuality had always made it totally impossible. Until now that was! For a second or two my brain was frozen with confusion and disbelief, refusing to process what had just occurred.

"Aiden!! ......."

I rushed to question what had just happened but his finger was immediately on my lips, denying me the chance to respond. Within seconds he'd gently grasped my neck and pulled me towards him for another kiss, this time pushing his tongue urgently into my mouth. Swept along by the moment, I responded with equal gusto, closing my eyes to imagine it was Nathan. Such was his urgency that he barely came up for air and for the life of me, I couldn't bring myself to end it. Several incredulous questions pushed their way into my brain, demanding immediate answers as urgent as Aiden's kiss. How could this be happening? Who would possibly have thought that Aiden harboured secret homosexual tendencies towards me? How would I square this with my feelings for Nathan? It was impossible to imagine, let alone be locked onto the receiving end of his lips. Just as suddenly he withdrew, leaving me flushed and breathless. His face was red with embarrassment and he could barely bring himself to look at me.

"This was a mistake Jason!" he gasped "It should never have happened"

As much as he protested, I'd definitely felt his hardness pushing against me as he must surely have felt mine.

“Aiden, we need to talk about this......AIDEN!"

He turned away and rushed towards the door before suddenly changing his mind and stopping dead in his tracks. Turning around slowly, he came back, sporting an expression akin to that of a wounded animal.

"There's nothing to talk about Jason. I'm not fucking gay if that's what you want to know"

My eyebrows rose in astonishment and I couldn't help moving a step nearer. "What the fuck was that about then?"

He took an involuntary step backwards and a flash of anger crossed his face. "Back off Jason!!” he snarled “This can't happen again. However much you want it too"

He was wrong. I didn't want a repeat performance, but he'd initiated it in the first place and I just wanted to know why. I didn't fail to notice his use of the words 'can't happen' and realised he was one mixed up guy.

"You're wrong Aiden! I don't want it to happen again. But we still need to talk about it! You can't just kiss me and pretend it never happened!"

His surprised expression quickly reverted to anger and he seemed unwilling to understand the full implications of what he'd done. He took a deep breath before firing back a warning, inadvertently revealing how desperate he really was.

"Jason, if you fucking tell anyone about this, I’ll….”

I could almost see his brain working overtime as he thought about all the things he could do that would hurt me and I knew even before he opened his mouth how incredibly important it was to him. He slowly backed away towards the door, before reiterating his previous warning.

"If you fucking tell anyone about this Jason, you’ll be so sorry. If you think today’s been bad...... He paused and shook his head "You won't know what's hit you"

He glared at me, no doubt waiting for some sort of confirmation that I'd obey his ultimatum. Instead, I met his gaze with a look of steely determination, totally unwilling to give him the response he expected to hear.

"Whatever Aiden. Just don't fucking come near me again!"

His face fell and I could see the raw hurt and anger etched across his face and despite everything that had happened, I still felt sorry for him. His threats and show of bravado were obviously just a front and his real feelings lay deep underneath, buried for so long that he couldn't even acknowledge them.

"Fuck off Jason!" he cried, opening the door. "Just fuck off!"

"AIDEN!!......"

His final words were delivered through a haze of bitter frustration and I knew that he wouldn't come back, however loud I shouted. I was still determined to talk to him though, but this time it would need a much more subtle approach. Unfortunately, within an hour of going back into the store he'd finished and gone home, for the time being denying me the chance to even try.

 

I sank back in the comfortable seat and closed my eyes as the train rumbled slowly out of the station. It had been an extraordinary day at work and my head was throbbing with pain. I felt utterly drained and washed out like an old rag that had been squeezed through the wringer and I wondered if even Nathan’s charm and good humour could make me feel better tonight. So far today it felt like I'd run the full gamut of emotions. Pleasure and happiness from my thoughts of Nathan. Quickly followed by embarrassment and anger on finding out what Aiden had done with the pornographic photograph. Then fear and panic took over because of the possible consequences of my interview with Mr. Buchan. Fear had swiftly turned once again to anger on realising that Aiden's threat to tell Mr. Buchan everything was merely that, a threat. Nothing, however, had quite prepared me for the feeling of pure astonishment when Aiden had suddenly kissed me. Not that it was unpleasant in any way, just totally and utterly unexpected. Taking it all in had left me feeling stressed and exhausted and all I wanted to do now was relax and try to put the day’s events to the back of my mind.

As the black sky rushed past the window it reflected my mood, serving only to remind me of my abject weariness. By the time the train arrived in Hamborough it was snowing heavily, and I looked forward to the warmth of Nathan’s car.

The front of the station was deserted and a cursory glance up and down the road soon confirmed that his car was nowhere to be seen. An overwhelming feeling of disappointment and despair crept over me and I peered through the swirling snow, willing him to appear. He was probably running late, I told myself, or he’d simply decided not to come because of the atrocious state of the weather. The only trouble was I was pretty sure that Nathan wouldn’t do that. Although I’d only known him for a short time, I felt confident that there must be a good reason for his absence. An underlying thought that something awful had happened to him nagged at the back of my mind, but I hurriedly pushed it aside, refusing to fear the worst. I half reached for my mobile phone to call him but quickly thought better of it. I didn't want to disturb him if he was driving in conditions like these. It was freezing cold standing in the windswept station entrance and after several minutes he was still nowhere to be seen. I peered outside apprehensively and decided my only option was to catch the bus before it was too late. Fastening my coat up as far as it would go, I stepped outside into the driving snow and started walking down the hill towards the bus station. The thick snow blew into my face, making it hard to see and I was soon covered in a soft blanket of white flakes. A car passed the station and followed me slowly down the hill, carefully negotiating the icy road. I half turned, hoping to see Nathan behind the wheel but it kept on going, its tyres flattening the virgin snow until it was finally lost in a swirling white haze. The open bus shelter afforded little protection from the raging blizzard and windswept snow blew in from the open sides. I huddled near the centre in a futile attempt to avoid it and found myself absent-mindedly tracing Nathan’s name on the icy glass. A few seconds later I added my own and with a wistful sigh, encased both names in the shape of a heart. The bus suddenly came sweeping around the corner and I hastily scrubbed it out, afraid that someone else might see it. Fumbling in my pocket for loose change to pay the bus fare, my freezing fingers failed to hold onto the coins and they dropped to the ground, making multiple indentations in the soft snow. I failed to notice a car pull up behind the bus and the sudden loud blaring of its horn made me jump as I bent over to retrieve the scattered coins. The flashing headlamps temporarily blinded me, and it wasn’t until the driver called out my name that I realised it was Nathan.

“Jason!! I thought I’d missed you”

“You almost did” I answered with a sigh of relief “I was just about to get on the bus”

He got out of the car leaving the engine running and bent down to help me pick up the coins. I felt a sudden rush of concern for his welfare and was anxious to know where he'd been.

“I was worried something had happened to you, it’s such an awful night”

“Yeah, it is pretty bad” he agreed

“You shouldn’t have come for me; I could have got the bus”

“Don’t worry about me, I’m fine” he said with a smile of reassurance “I wanted to come”

The bus driver had just finished smoking a cigarette at the front of the bus and called out to me impatiently. “Are you getting on or not lad”

“No thanks, I’ve got a lift”

He sighed and shook his head, before stubbing out his cigarette and getting back on the bus.

“Come on Jase, let’s get in the car” said Nathan “You look freezing”

I nodded in agreement as Nathan held the door open and a few seconds later he was sitting beside me. He turned on the fan straight away and warm air began to flow onto my legs from the heater. Placing my hands between my knees, I rubbed them gently against each other until some of the feeling started to return to my fingers. As we waited for the bus to drive away, Nathan shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“Urgh! My jeans are absolutely wet through” he groaned “Feel them”

I hesitated nervously, unsure if he meant it or not but when he looked at me expectantly, I slowly moved my hand towards his leg. Feelings of raw emotion surged through me as my fingers came into contact with the material of his jeans and I could feel the warmth of his skin beneath. I wanted more than anything to leave my hand resting where it was, but I reluctantly moved it away. As he'd said, his jeans were soaking wet, and I looked at him with an expression of puzzlement on my face.

“Nathan, they’re soaking! What on earth have you been doing?”

“I had a flat tyre” he exclaimed, shaking his head despairingly “The spare wheels fastened under the car, so I had to crawl about on the ground to change it”

“Trust it to happen in this weather”

“Yeah, tell me about it” he agreed with feeling

“If it’s ok with you Naith, I’d rather just get home tonight. I don’t want you to be out in this weather any longer than you have to be”

“Course it’s ok. I was going to suggest that anyway”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, no problem. I just need to call at the flat first to change out of these wet jeans!”

“Are you ok Jase? You don’t seem yourself”

I leant back and rested my head against the seat. “It’s just that I’ve got a really bad headache”

“You look a bit pale too” he said, immediately concerned “Stressful day at work?”

If only he knew! The threat of tears was never far away as I tried to avoid his gaze “Yeah, you could say that”

“I take it your interview with the manager didn’t go too well then” he remarked sympathetically.

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about everything else that had happened, so I was grateful he thought it was just the interview.

“It was a nightmare” I exclaimed despondently “I got off with a written warning in the end, but I’ve got to make up the time and pay for the damage”

"At least you’ve got it over with now”

I still couldn't face him and his expression of doubt was reflected in the window when I failed to respond. It was pretty difficult to fool him and I’m sure he sensed there was much more to it than that. As if to prove it he caught my slight frown and tentatively enquired.

“There’s nothing else wrong, is there Jason? It’s just that you seem really upset and fed up tonight”

Even I thought my reply was weak and unconvincing, but unfortunately it was the best I could manage under the circumstances “No, I'm fine. Honest”

I was saved from further comment by the bus, as it suddenly pulled away in a cloud of exhaust fumes and Nathan slowly started to follow. We drove carefully through the high street and I remained silent, desperately trying to push the events of the day to the back of my mind. An image of Aiden's face far too close to mine insisted on invading my thoughts and I quickly replaced it with one of Nathan. Encouraging myself to concentrate on the outside world to stop another intrusion by Aiden, I wiped the side window clear of mist and peered out. Brightly coloured Christmas lights were strung across the high street, swaying precariously in the strong wind. Shop windows were flooded with light and thick snow clung to every available surface. The heavy blizzard showed no signs of letting up and all we could do was crawl slowly along behind the bus. After what seemed like an age we arrived at the flat and as we pulled onto the driveway Nathan turned off the engine and leant back in his seat.

"Phew, I'm glad that's over"

"Yeah, it was pretty rough" I murmured uneasily, acutely aware that he still had to take me home.

He glanced across at me and immediately picked up on the reason for my discomfort, before quickly reassuring me.

"Don't worry about me taking you home Jase. I'll be fine once I've had a drink and a bit of time to relax"

"I hate putting you to all this trouble"

"It was my choice to come for you remember"

"Yeah, but even so…."

"Anyway, are you sure you're alright?" he asked, interrupting me "You've barely said a word all the way from town. It's not like you"

I sighed and looked away, hoping he didn't realize the full extent of my distress. Despite trying to forget, driving in the car had given me time to dwell on things and I almost blurted out the whole sorry mess there and then. Instead, I just managed to stop myself and quickly thought of an excuse to hide my anguish.

"Sorry. What with the weather and everything, I thought you needed to concentrate"

"There's no need to apologise. It's just that you seem really upset about something. If it's anything I've done……"

I hated the fact he thought it might be something that he'd done and hurriedly cut in "No of course not Nathan!! It’s definitely not you! I'm just tired and I've got this throbbing headache"

"Come on then, let's get inside. You'll feel better when you've had a drink and time to unwind"

“Oh by the way Jason, I forgot. I can’t make swimming on Friday morning. How do you feel about going tomorrow morning instead? It doesn’t matter if you don’t want too”

There was absolutely no way I was missing out on the chance to see Nathan in his swim shorts and I agreed almost before he finished talking.

“Yeah, I don’t mind when we go. Count me in!”

He handed me the keys and nodded towards the front door. "You go and open up Jase, I just want to check the tyre’s ok"

A moment later he joined me inside and we took off our coats and shoes, grateful to be in the warmth of the flat.

"Is it ok" I asked him anxiously

"Yeah, it's fine. No problem"

"That's a relief"

He nodded and hastily began making his way down the hallway.

"I'll have to get out of these wet jeans" he said as we entered the lounge “Just make yourself at home whilst I change Jase"

I flopped down on the comfortable sofa and closed my eyes, hoping the headache would begin to ease. There was a muffled sound from the bedroom next door and I couldn't help thinking that at this moment Nathan had probably taken his jeans off. The thought caused an immediate stirring in my trousers and by the time he came into the room I was almost fully aroused. My eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice and I quickly sat up straight and pulled my sweater down as far as it would go to hide my embarrassment.

"I'll make a drink and get you a couple of tablets for that headache" he said, heading over to the kitchen.

"Is coffee ok?"

"Oh, erm yeah. Thanks"

I closed my eyes and drifted off, unable to stop myself from thinking about Aiden. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of him placing two cups of coffee and a strip of painkillers on the table in front of me.

"There you go" he said, sitting down beside me "You can take the tablets when your drink cools down a bit"

I groaned and nodded my agreement, yawning loudly and arching my back in an attempt to ease the tension in my shoulders.

At that moment the telephone started its insistent ring and Nathan sighed and shook his head.

"Sorry Jase, I'll have to get that" he said with a shake of his head.

"It’s ok Naith, you go ahead"

His tone of voice immediately changed when he answered it and I knew at once it was his father on the other end. I couldn’t help listening to the one-sided conversation, and as it continued he became increasingly agitated. When he briefly turned around and gave me a weak smile before continuing to talk, I got the distinct impression the conversation was about me.

"Look dad, I don't want to discuss this right now………..well yes, he is………..what do you mean?................of course I won't!……Dad, what do you think I am! …………Look, I've got to go now…………..NO! I've told you, I won't…………….Bye then, see you on Monday……….Bye."

Nathan shook his head in annoyance as he slammed the handset down. Nodding towards the phone he sighed with exasperation. "Dad!" he exclaimed bitterly. "Every time I talk to him it turns into an argument"

I was dying to know who they were talking about but didn't want to appear too inquisitive. I decided to ask him anyway, interested to see what his reaction would be.

"Who were you talking about Nathan?"

"Oh just someone from work" he replied guardedly, unable to meet my gaze.

It was obvious from his body language that he wasn't telling the truth and from the look on my face he must have realized I wasn't convinced. I didn't want to push it any further, but couldn't help wondering what his father had said to upset him so much.

"Anyway" he continued, hurriedly changing the subject "How's your headache?"

"It seems to be going off a bit" I answered, suddenly realizing it felt a lot better.

Despite what I’d said earlier, I didn’t like Nathan driving again without a rest so I encouraged him to put the television on. We sat there relaxing for the next hour or so, laughing out loud at an old episode of Only Fools and Horses. It was getting on for ten o'clock when it finished and I groaned and sighed reluctantly.

"I think it's about time I went home Naith"

"Yeah ok Jase"

He swung his legs off the sofa and cleared away the coffee cups before joining me in the hallway. We donned our heavy coats once again and Nathan opened the front door with some trepidation, anxious to see what the weather was like. Thankfully, the raging blizzard from earlier had eased considerably and thin flakes of snow temporarily glowed orange as they swirled around the streetlights. The road that passed Nathan's flat had twin tyre tracks of flattened snow snaking away into the distance but as we left town and the darkness of the countryside surrounded us they quickly disappeared, leaving a blank canvas of white reflected in the headlamps. Nathan sat hunched forward in his seat, keeping all his concentration on the road ahead and the only sound to be heard were the wipers squeaking on the glass as they struggled to clear the thickening snow from the windscreen. The journey seemed to take forever but at last we saw the streetlights of Dryford approaching and both of us heaved a sigh of relief. The streets were deserted as we drove though the village to the far end and this time Nathan turned the car around in the cul de sac before stopping outside the bungalow.

"No point getting covered in snow while you stand and wave me off" he explained in reply to my questioning glance.

It was these small acts of kindness that endeared me towards Nathan even more. Whilst thoughtful on their own, taken together they showed he really cared about me and despite his self denial the other day, proved what a kind and considerate person he really was. I was worried about his safety on the journey back and urged him to rest a while before setting off.

"Why don't you come in for a while before you have to drive home Naith?"

"It’s ok Jase. I'd rather go now in case it gets really bad again. But thanks anyway"

My brow was set in a frown as I urged him to take care.

"Be really, really careful Nathan! Promise you'll let me know as soon as you get home?"

"Of course I will, don't worry" he reassured me "I’ll be fine"

Unfortunately that was one thing I couldn't do. If anything happened to him I'd never forgive myself and I knew that I wouldn't rest until he was safely home.

"Are we still on for swimming in the morning?” he asked, cutting through my thoughts.

That was one thing I wouldn't miss for the world! The prospect of seeing him virtually naked was something I'd dreamt about since our first meeting in the bus shelter and the thought instantly made my heart race. I wanted to shout out loud, just try and stop me, but instead managed to answer in a somewhat calmer voice.

"Yeah, course. I'm looking forward to it Naith"

"Yeah, me too" he answered with equal enthusiasm. "I'll pick you up about nine, if that's ok?"

"You don't have to come all this way Naith, I can get the bus"

"Don't be daft" he said, brushing my worries aside "It'll be fine in the morning when it's light"

I reluctantly agreed and unable to delay the inevitable any longer, slowly opened the door. My feet sank into deep snow that came over my shoes and I could feel the melting ice as it seeped inside. I cursed loudly and turned to see Nathan laughing as he strained to see what had happened. I walked gingerly towards the gate, knowing that by the time I got there my feet would be wet through. Nathan's car churned up deep snow as the engine roared and he started to move off. With a final wave he was gone and I watched his car slowly disappear up the street.

By the time I got in mum and dad had gone to bed and after using the bathroom and quickly undressing, I did the same. I knew that sleep wouldn't come until I'd heard from Nathan and as expected, my eyes stubbornly refused to close as I nestled under the warm covers. About twenty minutes later my phone gave a beep and vibrated noisily on the bedside cabinet. I quickly grabbed it and eagerly stabbed at the message icon. A text from Nathan slowly moved across the screen and I eagerly read it.

'Back home safely! See you in the morning Jase. Sleep well, Nathan x'

The 'x' made my heart soar as usual, and I gave a huge sigh of relief he was safe. Thank god for that! Nathan driving home in weather like this had frightened me more than I cared to admit and I was so glad he was safely back home. I quickly tapped the keys with a return message, repeating my earlier thought.

'Thank god for that Naith! See you tomorrow. Sleep well. Jase x'

Sleep still refused to come as my mind mulled over the extraordinary events of the day. Aiden's kiss weighed heavily on my mind and I couldn't help thinking what would have happened if he'd wanted to take things any further. How far would we have gone? And would I have succumbed without thought or regard for the consequences? I imagined the possible scenario unfolding before me, unable for several minutes to stop thinking about all the things I‘d dreamed of doing with him in the past.

No matter what happened though, my thoughts always returned to Nathan in the end and the last thing that passed through my mind before sleep overwhelmed me was an image of him wearing the skimpiest pair of swim shorts I could imagine.