A Different Love - 42. Chapter 42

When Nathan had contacted the local hospital and explained what had happened, he’d been advised to take me straight to the accident and emergency department. After spending two hours watching people pass by sporting every conceivable injury you could think of, I still hadn’t seen anyone and the temperature of the room and my need for some fresh air were becoming unbearable. If it hadn’t been for Nathan I would have given up long ago, but his steadfast determination to make sure I was looked after was eventually rewarded when a tired looking doctor, who seemed barely older than me, stood in front of us with an enquiring look on his face.

“Jason Wright?”

“Oh yes, that’s me” I confirmed.

With help from Nathan, I struggled slowly to my feet and held my hand aloft so that he couldn’t miss it. He flashed me a wide smile and introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Ramsden. Can you follow me please?”

I looked back at Nathan as the doctor turned around and began to walk away. He smiled and mouthed the words good luck and I smiled back at him, grateful for his support. Dr Ramsden was seriously good looking and when he smiled at me his whole face lit up. I quickly followed him down the corridor and my eyes invariably wandered downwards, silently admiring the way that the material of his trousers alternatively tightened and loosened around his perfectly formed rear. He suddenly slowed down abruptly and turned into a side room, causing me to teeter forwards on the balls of my feet as I almost bumped into the back of him.

“Please, take a seat”

I nodded my thanks and painfully began to ease myself down onto the chair that he’d indicated. We were in a small consultation room that housed a desk and two chairs. A standard examination table took up the whole of the opposite wall and a pair of scales stood precariously balancing on the edge of it. Noting the expression of pain crossing my face as I struggled to sit down, he immediately offered to help.

“Are you alright?” he asked, half rising from his chair “Here, let me help you”

Unfortunately by this time, I’d managed to sink down into the chair unaided and he sat down opposite me again, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand. Any chance to get nearer to him would’ve been a bonus and I could only nod with dismay at the missed opportunity. “I'm fine, thank you”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably and I suddenly realised that I was staring at him. Although my favourite type of guy was normally blond haired and blue eyed like Nathan, Dr Ramsden's dark eyes, designer stubble and jet black hair were not unappealing to say the least.

“You look really tired Doctor”

“It’s a while since I had any sleep” he explained, raising his eyebrows at my concern.

“So….your…erm…hand?”

“Oh yeah right, my hand!” I exclaimed, suddenly remembering why I was sitting there “It hurts like crazy whenever I try to move it Doctor”

He reached out and grasped my arm, placing it gently onto his desk. I was surprised to feel a pang of disappointment as I noted the ring on his third finger, but it quickly changed to elation as I realised my attention had been directed towards the wrong hand. There was nothing on his left hand and I heaved a secret sigh of relief. The chance of him being gay was pretty slim anyway and I didn’t even know why I was so interested. I knew in my heart that whoever I met, Nathan would always come first, even though the chance of being anything more than just friends with him seemed highly unlikely.

“It’s really painful Doctor. I’m not sure if I’ve broken it or something”

“We’ll soon see” he said, beginning to unwrap the bandage “Just shout out if I hurt you”

I gave a nervous smile and looked out of the window in an effort to take my mind off the impending pain.

“So how on earth did you do this?” he was asking, as I struggled to turn my attention back towards him.

This was the question I’d been dreading all along. Nathan had warned me to tell the truth though, as the doctor would probably know that something was amiss if I attempted to lie. I hung my head in shame and muttered to the floor reluctantly.

“I…erm....punched a wall”

“A wall eh!" he mused, gazing at me with a quizzical look "I shouldn’t think that was an accident?"

“Well....erm no, not really” I stuttered with embarrassment “It was more in anger than anything”

I could tell by his expression that he knew what my answer would be and he sighed in resignation.

“Mmm. Well the wall definitely came off better by the look of it” he remarked, flashing me a look of despair. "So dare I ask why you punched it?"

I hesitated before answering and I could feel my cheeks beginning to burn “Oh, it was erm, just a misunderstanding. It’s all sorted out now"

"Argument with a friend eh?" he suggested shrewdly.

I bit my lip nervously and replied with deliberate vagueness. "Yeah. You know how it is"

"Not really, I've never punched a wall before!" he answered, raising his eyebrows.

The bandage was finally removed and I heaved a sigh of relief. There wasn’t quite as much blood as before, but the wound still looked somewhat angry and raw.

“It must have hurt like hell to clean it” he commented, carefully removing the blood congealed piece of gauze

“I can’t take the credit for that I’m afraid, someone else cleaned it for me. I didn’t feel a thing”

“Why was that?” he enquired in a puzzled voice.

“Oh, I was....erm asleep”

He glanced at me knowingly, but didn’t say anything further. “Whoever did it helped to make sure it didn’t becoming infected?" he went on "You should thank them”

A smile crossed my face and I glanced out of the window. “I already did”

He held my hand and lightly began to touch the back of it with his thumb. “Tell me where it hurts the most” he said.

It seemed to hurt wherever he touched it, but as soon as his thumb moved over my knuckles, it exploded with pain and I winced and cried out in agony.

“Argh!! Just along there Doctor!! That’s where it hurts the most”

“Ok Jason, don’t worry. I won’t be long now” he reassured me “What about your fingers, can you still move them all?”

I began to slowly wiggle my fingers around, causing even more pain to reverberate around my hand. “Barely Doctor. But it hurts more around my knuckles”

"Well, I'm not surprised really" he commented, sighing deeply "That is the area that would have taken most of the impact"

He sat back in the chair making the shape of a pyramid with his fingers and frowned slightly before continuing. My heart sank and I swallowed nervously, wondering what was coming next.

“I need to take an x-ray in order to make a full diagnosis” he went on “But hopefully you haven’t fractured or broken anything”

He suddenly stood up and indicated for me to do the same. The look of pain that flashed across my face as I struggled to rise made him sit down abruptly once again.

“Ok! Would you like to tell me what else you’ve done? Why are you struggling to get up and down?”

My cheeks began to redden and I cringed with embarrassment, reluctant to divulge the reason. Realising that I couldn’t get out of it, my mouth was just about to open when he sighed loudly and saved me the trouble.

“Let me guess” he began with an air of resignation “You had an argument with your girlfriend, punched a wall in anger and then got so drunk you could barely stand up. You couldn’t stop being sick, retched all night and now your ribs hurt so badly you can barely move without feeling pain”

“Something like that” I answered sheepishly, marvelling at how accurate he was.

“I take it she was the one responsible for cleaning the wound?”

A deep sigh escaped my lips and I had a sudden uncharacteristic moment of bravery. “Well no actually doctor, it was…erm…. a friend. A male friend”

Something in the way I said it made his eyes open slightly wider and a look of understanding immediately spread across his face. The sudden feeling of horror that quickly followed made my heart skip a beat and set my pulse racing. This was another person that knew the truth now, but as the initial shock slowly began to fade away, it was quickly replaced by a feeling of liberation.

He nodded and gave me that wonderful smile once again. “I see. Well, I hope you’ve made up with him anyway?”

My face flushed bright red followed by a rush of embarrassment and I wished that I’d never made it so obvious now. “Oh yeah, I have thanks. The thing is, it's not what you think though. He’s not, well you know, he’s not….”

“Gay?”

“Yeah, that’s right doctor. He’s not gay” I answered, as if to reinforce what I already thought.

My heart ached to be near him, but when it came to my innermost feelings, there was so much distance between us that it seemed impossible to bridge.

"And what about you Jason? How are you coping with that?" Doctor Ramsden was saying, clearly concerned about me.

"Doctor I'm not g......" There was no point in even saying it anymore and my words faded away.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of you know Jason” he said, flashing me a smile “We all deserve a little happiness in our lives. My only advice is to be careful, it can be a much more difficult path to follow”

“You can say that again doctor!” I answered wistfully and my face suddenly took on a worried look “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“I couldn’t, even if I wanted to” he smiled “Patient confidentiality and all that"

The relief on my face must have been evident as he offered to help me stand up. He put his hand underneath my arm as Nathan had done and supporting my back, gently helped me to my feet.

“We’d better do that X-ray now that I’ve looked at your hand. See how bad the problem really is”

The X-ray department was located in another part of the hospital and I expected him to disappear and send me there alone. He was clearly going with me though and I fell in beside him as we made our way slowly down the corridors. We chatted easily and I learnt that he'd only been a fully fledged doctor for eighteen months and apart from the long hours was enjoying it immensely. This was the first time that I’d ever had an X-ray and fleetingly wondered if it would hurt. Doctor Ramsden assured me that it wouldn't and true to his word it was done and dusted before I even knew it. He fell silent as he studied the black and white images carefully and mumbled to himself, clearly not about to enlighten me. Sliding them carefully back into the envelope, he thanked the x-ray nurse and we made our way back to the examination room where he gently grasped my arm, allowing me to ease myself back into the chair with the minimum pain and effort.

“Right” he said, taking the x-rays out of the envelope “It’s as I hoped, but didn’t expect, I have to say”

He paused and my heart beat slightly faster as I willed him to continue. It was like waiting for the winner of a competition to be announced; only the prize was nowhere near as good.

“You’re very lucky Jason; it could have been a whole lot worse. You’re knuckles are badly bruised but thankfully there’s nothing fractured or broken. The abrasion on your hand is pretty bad, but not deep enough to need stitches. Although it stings and feels pretty sore right now, use antiseptic cream and keep it bandaged to avoid infection. The pain in your knuckles should begin to improve over the next few days. If it doesn't you need to make an appointment to visit your own doctor”

I nodded my understanding “Ok, thanks Doctor”

His manner suddenly turned serious and he frowned before asking me a question “I need to talk to you again about why you punched the wall Jason”

I sighed deeply, wondering why he wanted to go over it again. “I already told you, I was angry”

“So it was a spur of the moment thing. You don’t get these angry feelings normally?”

I stared at him in puzzlement until suddenly it became apparent what he was getting at “I don’t have any mental issues if that’s what you mean Doctor!”

“I’m not suggesting for one moment that you do Jason, but you have to admit, it’s a pretty extreme reaction, even if you were angry”

“I have a bad temper doctor. But that’s all it is”

“Ok Jason, I believe you. But perhaps you should try a bit harder to keep it in check. You’re very lucky this time. You could’ve done yourself some real harm”

I gave a large sigh and found it hard to look him in the eye “I can’t believe how incredibly stupid I’ve been” I remarked, more to myself than the doctor.

“Well I can’t disagree with you there Jason, you certainly need to keep that temper of yours under control”

“I know Doctor and I’m really sorry. If I'd acted my age I wouldn’t be wasting your time right now”

"You're not wasting my time Jason" he said, flashing me his killer smile again. "That's what I'm here for. And I'm sure you've learnt your lesson by now”

His voice softened and I found myself warming to him more and more. If it meant seeing Dr Ramsden again, I’d definitely have to find some more ailments. I could only imagine what his bedside manner must be like!

His voice took on a more serious note as he continued unabated. “I want you to rest it completely for the next few days and it goes without saying that you shouldn’t lift anything until the pain goes away. You need to have it redressed every few days until the abrasion heals, but your own surgery will arrange that”

“How long will it take to heal doctor?

“It's hard to say. The swelling should reduce fairly soon but it could be a couple of weeks I’m afraid!”

“But what about work?" I cried "It’s a really busy time”

“What do you do Jason?”

“I work at a computer store in the city”

“Mmm well, you should definitely take a few days off” he insisted “Make sure you take it easy and get plenty of rest. If you feel like you're ready to go back after that, have a word with your own doctor first but make sure you don't lift anything"

Before I had a chance to reply, he carried on talking. “I’ll give you something for the pain in your hand, but it should begin to ease on its own a little once the swelling goes down but it will be sore. Make sure you don’t take any more than the prescribed dose though, they can be pretty powerful when you’re not used to them and they may make you feel sleepy. Your ribs should begin to ease in a day or two"

“Thanks Doctor, I really appreciate it. You’ve been absolutely brilliant"

The erotic thoughts I’d been having about him suddenly bubbled to the surface and I was horrified to hear the comment that came tumbling out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“If you were my doctor I’d probably be a hypochondriac” I remarked, laughing nervously.

My flippant remark made him smile again and I felt my stomach tighten. He really was extremely handsome and there were several times when I had to stop myself from just staring at him. At least now that he knew I was gay he would hopefully forgive me and with a bit of luck might even be flattered. His next remarks confirmed that he probably was but I couldn’t help feeling horrified at being so forward. My face began to burn as I realised I’d gone too far and he couldn’t hide his amusement at my embarrassment.

“Sorry doctor” I spluttered, quickly becoming tongue tied “I didn’t mean to…..I mean…..I wouldn’t…....I shouldn't have said that”

“It’s ok Jason, really” he quickly reassured me, chuckling to himself “I don’t know what my other half would say though”

“No, of course not” I answered, unable to believe what I’d just said.

I don’t know what on earth had come over me and I had no idea what I’d have done if his answer had been different. It was an unwritten rule that patients shouldn’t become too familiar with their doctors yet here I was, openly flirting with him. A couple of weeks ago it would have been unthinkable behaviour for me and I could only put it down to the fact that I was finally becoming more comfortable with who I really was. My off the cuff remark didn’t seem to faze Dr Ramsden at all however and he just carried on as though nothing had been said.

“Unless you have any serious problems with your hand Jason, make an appointment to see your own Doctor in a couple of days. He’ll review the situation, have it redressed and advise you when it's best to return to work. As I said earlier though, make sure you rest until then”

“I will doctor. And thanks again”

“No problem” he said, standing up and making sure l shook his hand with my good one.

His eyes twinkled with amusement, matching the ghost of a smile that swept across his face. "I’m sure you won’t appreciate it quite so much Jason, but if you wait down the corridor I'll get a nurse to put a new bandage on your hand. And thanks for making me feel a whole lot better on a long day”

My eyes widened and a warm feeling coursed through my body. He grasped my arm to help me up without even being asked and I wished more than anything he was my regular doctor. With one last glance of thanks I moved towards the door and was just about to open it when he called out to me.

“And remember Jason, if you ever need anyone to talk to I’m always here, ready to listen. So no more punching walls, OK?”

I gazed at him sheepishly and could feel my cheeks flushing as I answered him “Ok doctor. And thanks again”

With one last lingering look, I wandered down the corridor to a small waiting area on the left hand side. A drinks machine stood in one corner and I suddenly realised how thirsty I was. The only thing I’d had to drink so far was the coffee at Nathan’s flat and that seemed like an age ago. I delved into the pocket of Nathan’s jeans to look for change but it was useless as I was pretty sure they would be empty. It seemed that all I’d done since arriving here was to wait about, and apart from seeing the doctor, the whole experience had been abysmal. I only had myself to blame however and wished for the umpteenth time that I hadn’t been so incredibly stupid and immature. Unable to be with Nathan, or get some fresh air or even a hot drink was pure torture, and I prayed that the nurse would turn up as soon as possible, so the experience would finally be over and I could get out of here. I vowed never to visit the place again unless it absolutely couldn’t be avoided.

As I sat there waiting, I couldn’t help mulling over my conversation with Nathan. I couldn't understand what was going on, but I knew that it all seemed to go downhill after the conversation with his father. His whole attitude had changed and he became much more morose and unhappy. If it was me they were talking about on the phone, and I was sure it was, why would he think I'd be devastated? And why was he suddenly so eager for me to be with Aiden after all that he'd done? It was obvious he had feelings for me as much as he tried to hide it. Never once had he actually said the words that would make it clear though. Why didn't he make it absolutely one hundred percent crystal clear. I'm not gay and I don't love you. That was all he had to say! It was obvious what was wrong, when I thought about it rationally. His father was trying to stop him from seeing me, but why would he do that? It just didn't add up and I desperately needed some answers.

After what seemed like an age a soft voice called out my name questioningly.

“Jason Wright?”

I spun around on my heel to face a young nurse with a pretty face and a smart crisp uniform. Her curvaceous figure filled it to perfection and even I had to admire how attractive she looked. Her face broke into a wide smile as she looked me slowly up and down, her large blue eyes betraying silent thoughts of approval. Resting her hand gently on my shoulder, she wordlessly guided me forwards and the barely discernible aroma of perfume immediately pervaded my nostrils. How different it was to the overwhelming assault on my sense of smell that Nicole’s so called perfume had caused me? It was still worlds away from the heady aroma of Nathan’s after shave though and I instinctively pulled away slightly.

“Yes, that’s me”

“I’m here to dress your hand” she informed me, gently lifting it up “It’s this one I take it?"

I gave a slight nod to indicate she was right and the growing look of uneasiness on my face seemed to make her smile. She tried her best to set my mind at rest, blissfully unaware that for some inexplicable reason her very presence and demeanor were responsible for my discomfort.

“There’s nothing to worry about Jason” she said, trying to reassure me “I’ll be as gentle as I can”

Her words and the way she said them caused the feelings of discomfort to increase. It was the kind of situation I did my best to avoid, but it never failed to make me feel nervous and jumpy. This time was no exception and my face began to flush with embarrassment.

“We’d better get down to it then. Would you like to follow me?”

Unable to decide if I was being paranoid, I couldn't determine if her words held a slight tone of innuendo or not, so with a heavy heart I followed her into a small side room off the main corridor. I half expected her to say jokingly, ‘You can take your clothes off now’ but instead she just sat down at the small desk and studied my face.

“Take a seat Jason, please”

She gazed at me with renewed interest, instantly heightening my feeling of discomfort. "Jason! What a nice name"

I gasped to myself in alarm. Oh my god! Not again. She might not smell like Nicole, but the conversation was definitely heading in the same direction. In agreement with her request, I slowly began to ease myself into the chair, doing my best to hide the painful expression that spread across my face. I obviously didn’t hide it well enough though and she was on her feet in an instant, quickly slipping her hands under my arms to support me.

“Here Jason, let me help you!"

Unwilling to give her any further encouragement, I rushed to refuse “I’m fine thanks, there’s no need, really”

It was too late, and unlike when Doctor Ramsden had helped me, my ribs seemed to hurt even more. As she leant over me her ample breasts pushed hard against my chest and for a few seconds I couldn’t take my eyes off them. The semi erection beginning to form in my trousers surprised me even more and I guessed that it was probably due to the brief moment of closeness our bodies had shared. The fact that I was missing Nathan and my brief encounter with Doctor Ramsden had lifted my emotions to a higher level and if I’d been even slightly heterosexual I would have been only too happy to take things further and perhaps ask her for a date. As it was she was definitely the wrong sex and any stirrings down below quickly deflated. Her assistance helping me to sit down had been highly embarrassing and I wasn't looking forward to getting up again.

"Ok Jason, let me see to that hand"

She reached out and gently lifted it up, drawing it towards her. "Mmm, bit of a mess! Never mind, we'll soon get it bandaged"

She set it down gently on the desk and reached into a nearby trolley full of medical supplies. The gauze covered antiseptic cream that she applied to my knuckles stung like crazy as it touched the broken skin, and my hand instinctively pulled away. Holding onto it with a slightly firmer grip, she smiled sympathetically and quickly apologised.

“Sorry! I should have warned you it might hurt?”

“There’s no need to apologise. It’s my own fault I’m in this state in the first place”

“Please tell me you didn’t do this in a fight” she exclaimed, beginning to wrap the bandage firmly around my hand “The last thing you want to do is spoil those good looks!”

I suddenly felt hot under the collar, once again totally unused to someone being so forward. Unfazed by my expression of shock she continued with a grin.

“After all we don’t get too many models in here”

My face reddened and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, wondering what the best way to respond was. The last thing I wanted to do was encourage her, but I could hardly blame her for flirting with me when I was guilty of exactly the same thing with Doctor Ramsden. Her cheesy chat up line couldn’t fail to make me smile though and I looked away, struggling to hide my amusement.

“I’m not a model and I don’t think there are any good looks to spoil” I answered, still unable to hide my smile.

“Nonsense Jason! Don’t be so modest. I bet your girlfriend would agree with me?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but without giving me time to confirm or deny her supposition, she smiled at me sweetly and hurried on as though she didn’t really want to know the answer anyway.

“I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment” she informed me, with a hint of sadness in her voice “My last relationship ended in tears”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”

She must have decided that she did want to know the answer to her previous question after all and with a sigh of resignation she looked at me as if she already knew what my response would be.

“And what about you Jason?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend either” I answered solemnly.

A smile broke out on her face as she took what I'd said to be a joke and at the last moment I was too scared to admit that it wasn’t. The ease with which I'd begun telling people alarmed me and if I wasn’t careful, sooner or later everyone would know.

“I am head over heels in love with someone though” I explained, grinning from ear to ear as a picture of Nathan flooded my mind.

Unable to keep the tone of disappointment out of her voice, she shook her head sadly. “She’s a very lucky girl then”

I definitely wasn’t going to enlighten her now and surprisingly I didn’t feel a single ounce of guilt. “That’s very nice of you to say nurse”

“Please, it’s Sarah”

I swallowed nervously. Her growing familiarity and continued flirting once again disturbed me and I gave a stuttered response.

“Right..erm..…Sarah”

“So if you’re not a model Jason" she went on "Where do you work?”

A note of reluctance crept into my voice as I tried to think of a way to avoid answering her question directly. One admirer called Sarah was definitely enough without confusing the situation with two. “Oh, nowhere very interesting I’m afraid”

She wasn’t going to be put off so easily though and continued with her questions. “So whereabouts is nowhere very interesting?” she pressed.

“Oh just a computer store in the city"

“You mean the big one, in the centre?”

“Yeah, that’s the one”

“I don’t know” she laughed, shaking her head “You tell me anything Jason. It must be quite interesting, meeting lots of people, helping them. A bit like me really”

“Ah, but in my job you don’t get to work with hot…..”

I was just about to say 'hot doctors' but managed to stop myself at the last moment. The unfinished sentence caused her eyebrows to raise in puzzlement and I quickly tried to cover up my tracks with a weakly contrived answer.

“You don’t get to work with hot headed people, always complaining about things, never satisfied, do you?"

It sounded completely pathetic and unbelievable for the kind of environment I worked in but on the spur of the moment nothing else had come to mind. In truth the majority of customers were polite and courteous, usually excited and too engrossed in the prospect of buying a new computer to complain. The few people that did were usually dealt with at the customer service desk and not by individual consultants. As though she’d read my mind a slight frown of puzzlement clouded her face.

“I would’ve thought they’d be happy to be buying that sort of thing”

“Oh well, you know what it’s like, some people are never satisfied” I said vaguely, hoping she’d leave the subject alone.

“Anyway, I might just call in and see how good you are at your job one of these days”

My heart sank and I shot her a worried look, hoping it was a so called joke on her part. It didn’t sound as if it was though, but at least her next comment calmed me down slightly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t embarrass you” she continued, putting on a ridiculously dreamy voice “I’ll just admire you from afar”

She finally finished wrapping the bandage around my hand and securing it firmly, lifted it up for my approval.

“There we go Jason, all done!”

“Thanks…erm…Sarah”

She half rose to help me stand up and although the pain creased my body like crazy, I stood up as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to avoid further contact. Her response was tinged with disappointment and I felt decidedly guilty at the downcast expression that crossed her face.

“Oh! You managed it all by yourself”

For some ridiculous reason that I couldn’t quite explain the thought that she somehow deserved an apology niggled away at my conscience until I finally acquiesced. “Yeah. Look, sorry I erm…I’m really sorry that I couldn’t….”

My voice teetered away and she looked at me in puzzlement as if to say that I needn’t apologise so profusely just for getting up on my own. What she didn’t know was that the real reason behind my regret involved so much more. Being gay was something I was slowly coming to terms with but sometimes it was still extremely difficult. There was always something in the back of my mind, telling me it was wrong, reminding me how different I was, pressuring me to conform. Why didn’t my feelings and emotions allow me to respond to Sarah’s obvious interest? How could I have no sexual urges for someone so attractive and clearly interested in me? As usual my questions hung in the air unanswered, however hard I tried to understand. A smile broke out on my face as the one thing that gave me hope came shining through the bewildering confusion. If only my love for Nathan was reciprocated, all these worries and anxieties could be overcome together and I’d never want to hide my true feelings again.

Without realising, I'd been backing away, and the door handle suddenly dug into the side of my ribs as I took another involuntary step backwards. The pain made my eyes momentarily cloud with tears and pointing to the door, I stuttered in embarrassment, desperate to leave the room as quickly as possible.

“Well erm ....thank you....I’ll just…erm…I’ll go now”

With one last look at her bemused expression, I closed the door firmly behind me and turned into the corridor, immediately colliding with Dr Ramsden as he rushed by.

“Sorry Jason” he muttered breathlessly, as we steadied each other.

"Emergency just come in”

The touch of his hand on my shoulder and the pleasant smell of aftershave that lingered in the air was extremely erotic and I was immediately hard. His continued use of my first name, even though he didn’t really know me was nice and I smiled at his apologetic expression.

“That’s ok Doctor, it was my fault. I should have been looking where I was going”

“You’re all fixed up I see” he observed, indicating my bandaged hand.

“Yeah. The nurse has done a good job”

“Look, I’ve got to go” he said, flashing me that wonderful smile again. But remember Jason, no more punching walls! I'll see you again”

He took several steps before turning around and all I could do was smile at him goofily. “Scratch that Jason” he called out, chuckling to himself as he saw my face fall “I definitely don’t want to see you again”

Within seconds he was gone and I stood in the corridor staring at his retreating figure as he disappeared around the corner. For a while I pondered what he’d meant by his last comment, finally realising that it just meant he didn’t want me to be ill again.

Nathan was sitting in the corner staring into space when I got back to the main waiting area. A cup of coffee from the vending machine was on the table in front of him and it had obviously gone cold quite a while ago. His worried face lit up as soon as he saw me and I was surprised and delighted when he stood up and unexpectedly drew me towards him in a giant bear hug. I ignored the pain as an indescribable feeling of pleasure surged into my stomach and suddenly feeling extremely emotional, I hugged him back tightly.

“Are you ok Jase? You’ve been gone ages!” he exclaimed “I was beginning to think you were staying the night!”

“No, nothing like that, I had to have an x-ray” I explained, reluctantly breaking apart and lifting my hand up “And then I had to wait ages for a nurse to dress it again”

“What’s the verdict then?”

“My knuckles are badly bruised. The doctor said it could have been a lot worse though”

“Thank god for that" he sighed "You were lucky then”

Nodding my confirmation, I looked longingly at the plastic cup containing his drink

“Can I have a drink of your coffee Naith, I’m dying of thirst!”

“Yeah sure” he answered, stooping down to pick it up “It’s probably gone cold by now though. Do you want me to get you a fresh one?”

“No, it doesn’t matter, really” I stressed “As long as it’s wet and warm I’ll be fine”

He laughed out loud and passed me the coffee. The cooling liquid had left rings around the inside of the cup but I gulped it down anyway, not stopping until the last dregs had been drained away.

“Blimey, you were thirsty!”

“It’s so warm in here” I complained, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand “Let’s get out of here”

The cold weather hit our faces with a blast as the main doors slid open and I took a huge breath, filling my lungs with fresh air.

“So what did the doctor say?” he asked

We began walking slowly towards the car park and I told him all about what Dr Ramsden had said, making sure I left out the embarrassing bits. I brushed quickly over my time with the nurse too, as I was pretty sure that Nathan would make some comment about it. His next question surprised me though and I couldn’t quite see what he was getting at.

“Was he any good then, this doctor?”

“Yeah he was brilliant. Really friendly. Why do you ask?”

“Oh no reason” he answered, frowning slightly “It’s just that some of them are better than others, that’s all?”

I didn’t want to tell him that this one was far better than any of them, so I just shrugged my shoulders non commitally and tried to change the subject. “I’m just glad we’re out of there”

“Do you have to see him again?”

“Who?” I said, pretending not to know what he was talking about

“The doctor of course! The one you’ve just seen”

The rather oddly insistent way he asked the questions was pushed to the back of my mind as I glanced along the path. I was surprised to see Aiden walking slowly towards us, clutching a small leather holdall. As he approached us I was shocked to see his disheveled appearance and weary, tired expression. His face was as white as a sheet and the usual confident, almost cocky, exterior was noticeably conspicuous by its absence.

I greeted him with a look of concern "Hello Aiden. Are you ok?"

A brief flash of the old Aiden shone through, and for a split second I thought he was going to tell me to mind my own business. Instead he gazed at me with a bewildered frown, looking for all the world as if he was about to burst into tears.

"Oh Jason. I didn't see you there" he said, almost in a whisper.

Unsure what else to do or say, I squeezed his shoulder before I could stop myself and offered our help.

"Is there anything we can do?"

He gazed at me gratefully and was just about to say something when he seemed to notice Nathan standing beside me for the first time and quickly changed his mind. He gave a nervous half smile and glanced at both of us in turn.

"Oh, erm no, but thanks anyway. I'm fine"

He clearly wasn't fine and I was just about to say something else when he half turned towards the hospital doors and pointed at them.

"Look, I have to go ok. I haven't got time to talk"

"Ok Aiden. But call me if you need anything"

He looked at me with a surprised expression on his face before backing away "Thanks Jason. I appreciate that"

I could feel Nathan's eyes boring into me before I even turned around and I couldn't help pre empting a response.

"Look Nathan before you start, don't say anything!"

He completely ignored my plea and grinned at me triumphantly "You see Jason, I told you he'd need someone"

I shook my head at his dogged determination, desperate to reiterate how strongly I felt about him "Everybody needs someone Nathan and I know who I need!" I said, gazing at him pointedly.

He quickly looked away, but I was determined to drive home my point. "Look, the guy obviously needs some support and I can't bear to see him suffer, even after everything he's put me through. But that's all it is!"

“Do you think it’s his mother?” he asked, after a short silence

“Yeah, probably. I hope nothing’s happened to her but it doesn’t look good. He looked absolutely shocking!”

Nathan nodded in agreement and I couldn’t help noticing his slightly worried expression.

We soon reached the car and he unlocked the passenger door, helping me sit down in the seat. Seconds later he was beside me as I struggled to fasten my seatbelt with one hand. Without being asked, he reached across and pulled it over me, snapping it firmly into place. For a second or two our faces were inches apart as he leant over me and I could feel his warm breath as it tantalizingly danced across my cheek. His subtle aroma played havoc with my senses and my heart began to thump with desire as I tried to imagine the softness of his lips, urgently pushing against my own. The back of his hand brushed across the front of my trousers as he adjusted the belt and within seconds I was rock hard.

The engine burst into life on the first turn of the key and as we drove carefully through the car park towards the exit, all that could be heard was the swishing sound of melting snow, scattered aside by the relentless pressure of the tyres.

“We’d better get you home then” he remarked, turning onto the main road.

My heart sank at the prospect and I responded in a dejected tone “Yeah, I suppose so”

I was desperate to discuss my earlier thoughts in the waiting room and tentatively decided to broach them.

“Nathan........can we talk?”

Something in the tone of my voice must have warned him what it was about, because he frowned and turned towards me sharply. “Jason, there’s nothing left to say”

“I just want to know......”

I wasn’t prepared for his angry shouted response as he interrupted me, and I instinctively moved away slightly. “JASON, FOR FUCKS SAKE, LEAVE IT ALONE! I SAID THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY!”

He banged the steering wheel with his hand and instantly tried to backtrack, obviously regretting his outburst and loss of control “Look, I’m sorry Jase, I didn’t mean to shout, but please.....just leave it”

I glared at him, almost driven to tears, but determined to have the last word. “I just refuse to believe that you don’t love me”

My timid voice hardly made a sound, but I knew by his wounded expression that he’d heard every word. Nevertheless, he just shook his head and didn’t reply, leaving me without the answers I craved. Complete silence descended as we drew nearer to home and the steady hum of the engine seemed to help me mull over our encounter with Aiden. There was no doubt in my mind it had to be something to do with his mother. That much was obvious. Nobody should have to go through that pain alone though and I was determined to help him. To do so, I would have to talk to him again though but at least he appeared a little more receptive lately. When he'd suddenly kissed me out of the blue the situation had been massively awkward and yet last night at the restaurant he appeared to be almost concerned about me. Was Nathan right when he suggested that Aiden could have been jealous all along? Did he now mistakenly think that Nathan and I were a couple and had finally come to accept it? Jealousy was a powerful emotion and it would certainly explain his rather odd and increasingly aggressive behaviour towards me when he thought I didn't care. These were all things I needed him to explain and hoped that my recent visit to his house hadn't muddied the waters. My heart sank at the prospect of discussing it with him after everything that had happened, but I knew if I was ever to discover what was going on, my only option was to talk to him again. I knew he would never take up my offer of help and it looked as if neither of us would be at work again for a while so I would have to think of another way.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Nathan's voice and I struggled to return to reality. “Sorry Naith. What did you say?”

“I said wake up Jase” he repeated “We're here”

I was surprised to see we were home already and I looked towards the bungalow nervously, wondering what my parents would say. Was it just my imagination or had the curtains twitched slightly, suggesting that mum had already seen us arrive?

Nathan was back to his normal self and quickly attempted to reassure me “Hey come on Jase, it won’t be that bad. Just stick to the same story and let me do the talking. It'll be fine"

The worried look on my face confirmed that I wasn’t convinced by his reassurance and wished that I could share his unwavering confidence. When Nathan had rung them last night he’d told mum it was an accident, but now a more detailed explanation would be imminently required. I knew only too well that they would want to know the full details of exactly how and why it had happened and wouldn’t rest until they had a reasonable explanation. I shifted my arm slightly where it had been resting and winced as a shooting pain reverberated throughout my hand. Thankfully, the swelling had lessened slightly, but the painkillers Dr Ramsden had given me had yet to fully kick in. I took a deep breath and coupled with a resolve that threatened to crumble at any moment, opened the door firmly.

"Ok Nathan, I'm ready. Let's do it!"