The Icebox - 5. Strange Happenings

Zafiro

 

When I open my eyes, I find myself staring up at dim lights in the ceiling.

 

My head feels awfully tight right now. Or something is wrapped around my head?

 

I whine at the sore feeling in my body as I try to sit up.

 

“You should keep laying down,” A man says across the room.

 

It’s my doctor.

 

So I didn’t exactly realize I would be put under almost immediately.

 

I had hoped to set up an appointment or something but when he said he was free to do it now, I said fuck it and now here I am.

 

My head is throbbing and I can’t really move.

 

“Did you get it out,” I ask, a bit too tired to keep my eyes open.

 

He chuckles and pulls out a box from the cabinet next to him.

 

“Here are your troubles.”

 

It’s a clear box that lets me see inside. Cody’s special chip is super small. It looks like it would barely be the size of a baby’s fingernail!

 

I frown at it.

 

This tiny thing did so much to me?

 

“It’s a booster chip,” The doctor says. “Usually for when people want to boost their augments. That would explain those skills of yours in your file.”

 

Narrowing my eyes, I look at him. “What about the voices? Any explanation for that?”

 

He gives a bit of a small sigh.

 

“I’m afraid it was a bit of a botched job when they placed it. It left a bit of damage to your brain. When it was triggered to start boosting, it was causing too much electrical damage to you.”

 

I scoff and shake my head. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve felt that.”

 

He shrugs. “Believe what you wish.”

 

Maybe I did feel it? I did feel that ringing in my head. I haven’t felt it in awhile though. Maybe it stopped ‘boosting’ when I killed Cody?

 

Nah nevermind. My…inherited augments got stronger way after that.

 

I fail to see how my brain getting fried somehow makes me hear voices.

 

The doctor speaks again.

 

“While it is not very common, trauma to the head can cause some hallucinations and I suppose voices as well. It wouldn’t be so far off that such a thing could happen. However, they are most common with stress, depression, traumatic experiences and so on. How often are you hearing them?”

 

Now I can’t help but think about Arturo dropping me onto a car and hitting my head. Or getting hit in the head but those evil never dying robots. I suppose that thing burning into my head.

 

Was that all Cody did to me?

 

Well now I’m feeling rather scared.

 

“Can it be fixed,” I ask. “Did taking that booster out take them away?”

 

The doctor stands and moves over to properly talk to me.

 

“We can try a medication to help, but it most likely won’t make them go away.”

 

As he says that, I swear whatever joy I had left ran out the door.

 

I really thought this would’ve been the ending of it all.

 

No more loud music. Finally finding moments of silence. Being able to even sleep in silence. Not having nagging voices telling me to go places I don’t want to go. No more voices screaming at me to process everything that has happened in my life.

 

This surgery was supposed to free me from it all.

 

His fancy medication can fuck off.

 

Why even bother taking medication if it won’t help?

 

So I’m sad and all that? As if some pills will fix it for me.

 

It’s everything that’s fucking me over. Not just being here, but being down there.

 

Even if I were to be free, I doubt I’d be feeling any better about any of the nonsense that has been going on.

 

Right now the only thing I have going for me is visits from Tin Can again.

 

I don’t know.

 

I don’t know what to do.

 

What can I do to push myself to keep going?

 

Nothing comes to mind and it’s almost scary.

 

I suppose that’s what scares me the most. ‘Almost scary’ shouldn’t be my thoughts about ending it all.

 

Shouldn’t it be the scariest thing to think of?

 

Shouldn’t I be so against the thought of no longer trying and pushing on?

 

The doctor had helped me sit up in bed and then went back to his computer.

 

All I do is stare ahead of me.

 

The voices are quieter than normal, but I still faintly hear them.

 

A slight buzz in the distance.

 

Tears threaten to fall but I refuse to let them. I don’t want the voices to win. I don’t want to let them get to me.

 

Clenching my jaw, I close my eyes and wipe my eyes.

 

Fuck.

 

This was not how I thought everything would go.

 

For months I kept delaying it, but I always got excited thinking about taking that thing out. Everytime I thought it would fix everything.

 

Of course it wouldn’t.

 

If anything, I made that worse for myself. I waited and it made things worse.

 

The voices weren’t as bad as this months ago. I wasn’t some freak with superhuman abilities.

 

All my fault.

 

I did this.

 

I’m an idiot and I shouldn’t have fucking denied Cody.

 

I should’ve shut up and let him take me.

 

Nobody would’ve died and I wouldn’t be fucked up in the head. Maybe things would have been better. I could’ve seen all my family in mansions or something.

 

Tin Can probably wouldn’t have lost his job.

 

Actually nevermind. I would’ve kept stealing probably and he was desperate to catch me.

 

Once again, thinking about him makes me feel all gooey inside.

 

That bitch.

 

I guess I wouldn’t have him in my life if I was with Cody.

 

While he chased me all the time and made it fun, I didn’t really care for him that much.

 

Obviously that all changed the day I hit that bottle on Cody’s head.

 

Sighing, I close my eyes and simply think happy things!

 

Maybe that’ll make me not so moody.

 

Naturally most of them were about Tin Can.

 

Some are a bit naughty because well…those pecs are no joke! I’m only human! I didn’t see his dick but it felt nice too!

 

Surprisingly, some of them turned into some territory I’ve never thought of before.

 

Marriage isn’t necessarily something I care about. Honestly I don’t ever think it’ll happen to me so I never care about it.

 

Maybe it’s the pain meds right now, but suddenly I’m imagining weird homely things with him.

 

Cringing a bit at myself, I feel a bit weird now.

 

I don’t usually daydream about living as if I’m on the rich side. Makes me feel dirty when I know what they do to those they deem beneath them.

 

Running around in naked in a small apron for him weirdly sounds fun though.

 

Shaking my head, I can’t help but laugh and roll my eyes.

 

As if that would be something I would ever do. I can’t even cook! Sure as hell won’t be in some nicely lit clean house like Tin Can’s.

 

He did say I was welcome to stay with him though.

 

Obviously that wouldn’t work since sector four has been ruined for me. That includes his house. Lots of drama happened there to ruin that for me too.

 

Not a safe space for me at all sadly.

 

Maybe…maybe one day?

 

I sigh as my head feels like it’s throbbing some more.

 

Perhaps it’s best to try and sleep. Enough thinking for now.

 

~~~

 

The next day

 

I suppose one benefit to being all boosted is I heal crazy fast.

 

Already I feel as good as new.

 

When the doctor unwrapped the bandage on my head, he whistles in surprise.

 

“That’s one nifty trick.”

 

I huff a small laugh. “If only it got rid of scars.”

 

He smiles and offers me some pain pills. “Just to be safe.”

 

I shrug and take them down with some water.

 

Surprisingly, Zee is the one who picks me up.

 

He wraps an arm around me.

 

“How’s my baby doing?” He smiles all goofy.

 

I snort and roll my eyes. “You must have me confused with someone else.”

 

He practically giggles like a little girl. “If I had someone else, I probably wouldn’t be here. Another brain to tell me I was doing dumb shit down there would’ve been nice.”

 

That can’t help but bring a smile on my face. “I had plenty telling me to stop but I was having too much fun.”

 

I shrug. “I’m feeling alright. Sadly the voices are staying. Maybe that thing being taken out of my brain will help make me not feel so shitty!”

 

He nods along.

 

“You let me know if you find some way,” he says. “This place definitely makes you different.”

 

Yeah no kidding.

 

Zee leads me all the way past the hallway to my room and brings me to Maksim’s cell.

 

I find him and Gus playing a card game together with a table between their beds.

 

They were lucky enough to get placed together.

 

I settle on the bed next to Gus and lean on his shoulder.

 

“I take it you’re feeling better if you can rest your head like that,” He laughs.

 

I sigh and close my eyes. “Yeah but I’m still a bit sleepy.”

 

He hums and places a card down on the table.

 

“You still hearing them,” Maksim asks. Smoke puffs out as he speaks with his cigar.

 

I shake my head. “Nope. They are still gonna be stuck in here.”

 

Pursing my lips, I watch them play for a bit and then I can’t help but ask a question.

 

“Are you hispanic,” I ask Maksim. “Your name isn’t exactly matching your face.”

 

He snorts. “Why do you want to know?”

 

I roll my eyes. “I’m only curious.”

 

He smirks at me and shakes his head. “Always saying the first thing on your mind.”

 

He places his own card down over Gus’.

 

“My mother was from the Peruvian sectors and my father was from the Russian.”

 

I nod along, a bit impressed. “A surprise they got to meet up.”

 

He shrugs. “Money sure does make the world go round when you know the right names to have under your wing.”

 

I raise an eyebrow at that.

 

Something tells me he’s not all he seems in here.

 

Could also explain why he’s free to smoke in here.

 

“If you need anything,” He says. “All you have to do is ask. It shall be done.”

 

I roll my eyes. “I think I’m fine with no longer taking favors from people for a long time.”

 

Maksim and Gus both laugh at that.

 

“Understandable,” Gus smiles. “You had quite the messy boss down there.”

 

That makes me laugh. “He was absolutely not my boss. He was a demon who I’m glad I got to kill.”

 

Am I though?

 

“No, not at all.”

 

I sigh.

 

No I suppose not.

 

Before, when I thought I was a big unstoppable, I didn’t care much for killing certain people. I considered them nothing. Specks of dust in this universe who wouldn’t be remembered again.

 

Now…after losing Piggy, Vero, and Soul, it’s not so nice to think about how I may have affected people and their lives.

 

I took their loved ones away and they didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye.

 

I know now how awful that is and I feel such an immense guilt about it now that I feel a weight constantly pressing on my shoulders.

 

Tin Can was a good person. Even in the middle of the attack where we were killing people left and right in Cody’s gang, he brought a stun gun.

 

While it seemed stupid at the time, at least his heart was in the right place.

 

I’m a bad person. That much is clear to me now.

 

Shit I guess prison does make you think!

 

Still hate it here and how boring it is.

 

“You feeling any different?”

 

I look up at Maksim.

 

He has a strange look on his face after asking that.

 

I only shrug.

“I don’t know. I don’t really feel any different honestly.”

 

All I get in response is a frown and puff of smoke.

 

Since it gets rather boring watching these old men play their cards, I move to get back to my cell.

 

It is along the way that I realize I could try something new.

 

Sure I could go back and beat up on my punching bag until my arms are tired, or maybe I can try and go for a swim!

 

Maybe.

 

The least I can do is check it out.

 

To my surprise, it is completely empty of life in here.

 

That’s not true.

 

There is a table holding towels that holds one little pot with a plant.

 

It is rather dark in here. The sources of light come from the doors to the showers, the pool lights, and a few lights coming inside a few tables around the place.

 

Soft and moody music plays.

 

At one end of the room, there are four small areas with hot tubs built into the ground like the pool.

 

This might be my new favorite room!

 

It’s very calming and the dark lighting is lovely.

 

Not to mention it’s slightly a dark blue like my eyes, but I’ll sound crazy saying I like that!

 

Pursing my lips at it all, I poke my head back out in the hallway to see if I’m actually allowed in here.

 

There is a small light saying it’s open but no inmates or guards are in here.

 

Very odd.

 

Not wanting to possibly die from some unknown destructive chlorine in the pool, I quickly find someone to help me know if it is fine to be here.

 

A guard quickly brushes me off, saying it’s fine and he doesn’t care if I’m the only one in there.

 

Lovely thinking he’s got there. Not at all any flaws in letting an inmate have a giant room with a pool to himself.

 

Since it’s safe to do as I please, I go to a replicator, grab myself a speedo, and get changed for the pool.

 

The water was not that cold honestly. Not hot either. Very lukewarm.

 

I suppose we can’t have all the good things.

 

Honestly I’m not sure why I thought this would be helpful to me. I’m not exactly the best swimmer.

 

The last time I did that was during the big chance after killing Cody.

 

Before using my bike to explode on a bunch of U.U.P.P. cars, I had used my blackout button and dove off the bridge into the river.

 

I had no idea if I would have survived such a thing, but I guess I can thank Arturo for letting that work out so well.

 

This isn’t so stressful at least!

 

No bodies or scraps of metal raining down on me from above.

 

Instead I have a giant glass ceiling above me that looks off into the stars.

 

After a few laps, I float on my back and stare at the stars.

 

The music being muffled from the water almost makes this feel like I’m in a dream.

 

It’s as if I’m floating closer and closer to the stars.

 

This might be perhaps the most at peace I’ve felt in a long time.

 

Nothing feels like it matters.

 

Simply imagining all those beings out there, living their lives and having no idea who I am.

 

Feeling so small doesn’t feel all bad.

 

So much happens out there. Every person is out there living their best life. Or their worst.

 

I suppose I should say I’m living my worst but obviously it could be worse.

 

I could be on one of the many prisons on Earth.

 

It definitely felt like I was at my worst when I was in those.

 

Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but feel stupid for thinking this fancier prison is helping me mentally at all.

 

Is it though?

 

Obviously not. Something is always lurking on the back of my mind and it’s not just the voices.

 

The temptation to lessen control of my mind and let them speak almost comes back again.

 

No.

 

No I don’t want them to ruin this right now.

 

What if I don’t find another moment of peace again? What if I truly lose it after this? What if I never make it back here again? At this very moment?

 

This could be the last time I know peace again.

 

Blinking, I breathe a heavy sigh.

 

Or perhaps not.

 

It’s not like this room will be gone after this moment.

 

I suppose it would be best not to go down that far into the rabbit hole again.

 

Obviously this isn’t the end of the world. I’m not going to lose it all and go crazy again.

 

Perhaps it’s that unstoppable feeling coming back again, but I like to think I’m strong enough to not go completely batshit insane.

 

Sure the voices are a bitch and can be a bit rude, but it’s not like I haven’t been able to keep them under control over the past few months.

 

Look at now. This is perhaps the most control I’ve ever had with them.

 

I’m not blasting music to keep them quiet.

 

This soft music should be drowned out by now but it’s not. The softest of melodies are keeping them at bay. Drowning them out like thunder shaking a house; making it so you can’t hear any voices next to you.

 

Yet it’s not the rough thunder, but sweet cords dancing like whispers in your ear.

 

Okay that’s enough.

 

Maybe I am going a bit crazy thinking like that!

 

Swimming back to the edge of the pool, I lift myself out and sit along the edge, reaching up to my hair to twist it a bit to squeeze out the water.

 

Goodness my hair is long when it is wet!

 

It’s usually a curly mess on my head, but when it’s straightened out like this, it almost reaches past my chin!

 

As I'm wondering how it's still so long after surgery but then my mind gets distracted by something.

 

Watching the droplets fall onto my thigh, I blink and suddenly I see a tattoo on my thigh.

 

Wiping my eyes, thinking it was a weird trick of the eye from water falling into my eye, I see it is still there.

 

It covers the top of my thigh. It is a rather impressive image of a bird perched on a branch.

 

Most of it is in black ink but the bird is in blue.

 

Curiosity wins and I can’t help but run my fingers along the blue feathers of the wing and tail.

 

Really can’t tell if it’s fake or not.

 

I force myself to blink a lot, wanting it to go away.

 

Why the hell won’t it go away?

 

This reeks of Cody!

 

I don’t want his disgusting nickname tattooed onto my body!

 

Scratching at it does nothing.

 

I mean I know I’m not supposed to thanks to Vero’s tattoos but this isn’t exactly normal!

 

Tattoos don’t just magically appear!

 

This shit looks old! Not exactly ancient but it certainly looks like a fully healed tattoo!

 

Quickly drying off and changing, I try and ignore it.

 

Maybe if I pretend it’s not there, it will actually disappear.

 

T-This is probably just another weird hallucination like the doctor was talking about!

 

Probably like one of those weird neon painting that appeared when the voices took over for a bit.

 

Still I find myself rubbing at my thigh through my pants as I walk back to my cell.

 

I’m so out of sorts walking through the moon maze, I run right into someone.

 

It’s starting to become a habit here.

 

I happen to fall flat on my ass.

 

A hand is offered to me and when I meet the eyes of the guard, I’m surprised to find the one who last captured me.

 

Definitely recognize his face.

 

Kind of.

 

I mean I was last shooting at it before finding myself flying on a ship to space so it’s rather fuzzy.

 

“Oh you,” He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Long time no see.”

 

He’s an older gentleman. Dark brown skin with a few wrinkles here and there. Not one thing of hair on his head but the urge to make a comment about it is gone from the look in his eyes.

 

I honestly can't tell if it’s hate or disgust.

 

Quite the big man too. Not even talking about his rank. The man has a shit ton of medals underneath his badge.

 

He’s all proper and in a suit.

 

I try to force a small laugh. Sadly it makes me sound nervous as hell.

 

“Barely been a week!”

 

His face barely moves. Not a flinch of a smile or any softness comes into his eyes.

 

He grunts and walks past me, removing his offered hand and leaving me on the floor.

 

Well alright then.

 

Lifting myself up, I stare after him a bit annoyed.

 

He’s the one who started the joke! Why is he all angry with me?

 

Rolling my eyes I make my way back to my cell.

 

Sure I may or may not have killed some of his buddies, but that was self defense!

 

Sighing, I crawl onto my bed and put on my music.

 

Why is he even here? It’s obvious he doesn’t work here!

 

Feels weird like a lot of things today.

 

The tattoo is still there.