The Icebox - 9. All is Revealed

Zafiro

 

I don’t think I have ever been so scared.

 

The worst before was when I was terrified for the lives of my loved ones on Earth.

 

With how they turned out, I fear this won’t go so great either.

 

I’m not even sure what’s real or what isn’t anymore. Do I even have friends?

 

Eh I guess Zee and Charlie did show up in that closet like they cared. I suppose that must be real.

 

Did I actually fuck around with Zee?

 

I suppose my worrying over it was for nothing.

 

What about those clear gooey vibes with him?

 

Have I ever been to the pool? Was that fake too?

 

I don’t know!

 

Am I really here?

 

What if I’m back on Earth?

 

What if I’m not actually a part of some weird ass squadron thingy?

 

Oh god what if that whole thing on earth hasn’t happened?

 

Piggy and Vero could still be alive! Soul could still be walking and all cute!

 

Shit.

 

I sigh and rub at my eyes.

 

Of course that part is real. That’s what started this whole thing isn’t it?

 

The fall from a chill life with friends to…here and losing my mind.

 

“Some would call it Karma. You were a criminal after all. You had plenty of time to quit and move on.”

 

I clench my jaw hearing that voice.

 

That one sounded like Mama.

 

Not when I last saw her, but before she had disappeared. Right before Cody had blackmailed her into leaving.

 

I bring up my blanket to wipe my face.

 

It has been an awfully tearful night.

 

Where do I go from here? What should I do?

 

I mean there isn’t much I can do obviously but I should probably figure out some stuff right? Like these tattoos?

 

Sadly I don’t want to move.

 

Now I’m nervous that I’ll end up creating something else in my mind!

 

Still laying here all day won’t help me.

 

Plus I did say I wanted to keep up with the whole thing with Officer Henson.

 

Officer right? Not Director? Isn’t that what squadrons call their leaders?

 

Fuck, what if I made up his own rank?

 

Okay enough laying here asking myself a million questions.

 

The more I do it, the more I freak out!

 

So who to find first?

 

Forcing myself out of my cell, I make my way down the halls. I’m not entirely trying to find anyone specific at the moment. Moreso waiting for whoever shows up first.

 

It’s as I see Gus’ back that makes me realize I should find Zee first.

 

For all I know, all these weird romantic or friends with benefits vibes were also fake. I mean it did seem weird of me to feel these urges right? He was a stranger!

 

Not entirely sure where he goes at this time of day. I’m going to assume he stays in his cell like in that possible fake scenario on christmas.

 

Wait, is it Christmas? I don’t know what day it is.

 

Nevermind there are decorations in some cells still.

 

As I make my way to Zee’s cell, I happen to hear yelling coming from a room that the officers go into.

 

It’s Henson’s voice.

 

It’s about Jenkins.

 

I didn’t really want to stick around that.

 

I’d rather not stick my nose in business that isn’t mine again. I learned my lesson quite clearly last time.

 

Making my way to Zee’s, I get a few stares from other inmates.

 

A lot of them look away as soon as I notice them. It still makes me uncomfortable.

 

Everyone knew. Everyone fucking knew it.

 

I gasp when I realize the surgery could’ve been a lie! I could still have that thing inside me!

 

Maybe…maybe Zee will be able to answer those questions too.

 

Honestly the best option is probably Maksim. He knows way more than Zee would. After what might have happened though, I need to start with him first.

 

Zee was on his couch.

 

It should be known that the couch has been moved to the foot of his bed.

 

I mean it could’ve been moved since I last saw him. It just worries me when exactly that could’ve been.

 

If at all.

 

I don’t even have to knock.

 

He sees me standing outside the glass and I hear him curse to himself.

 

Slipping inside, I walk over and sit next to him, hugging my legs to my chest and lean against him.

 

“We’re friends right,” I ask.

 

Might as well get the big question out first.

 

Zee laughs and wraps an arm around me. “Yeah. Yeah you’re friends.”

 

I frown and stare at his holoscreen.

 

It’s some old movie playing.

 

“Did we fuck around the other day,” I ask, raising an eyebrow as a woman on screen starts running around her front lawn and chopping off limbs from trees.

 

Zee chokes and has a coughing fit when I ask that.

 

“Holy shit, Zaf,” He exclaims. “You need to give a warning before you say something like that!”

 

I shake my head, still watching the lady.

 

“I wasn’t joking,” I say. “Did we? Or have we ever?”

 

Zee sighs and turns off the holoscreen.

 

“No and yes,” He says, turning to me. “We haven’t done anything recently. We used to though. I’d say after the first reset was when we got close.”

 

I bite my lip hearing that.

 

It feels like a ringing is coming from inside my head.

 

“When was that?”

 

Zee stares at me with a sad look on his face. “It was a few months after you first got here. We’re not sure what started that one but one day you were walking around looking confused like you didn’t know how you got here.”

 

Something tells me that was when Tin Can stopped talking to me.

 

Apparently I told him to stop and find someone else.

 

I got all worked up over nothing.

 

Nights not being able to sleep feeling guilty as if I’m a cheater. All for a guy who had moved on for almost two years now.

 

“This is a bit new,” Zee says. “You get lost in thought a lot more lately.”

 

I purse my lips. “Sorry. It’s gotten harder to concentrate on multiple things at once. Too much on my mind to keep up. It feels crazy when I’m stuck here doing nothing yet I still struggle.”

 

He shrugs. “It’s alright. No judgment here.”

 

I don’t really care what anyone says to be honest.

 

Zee clears his throat. “I will say that I was hoping with the last reset that maybe we’d get close again, but when you mentioned your old boyfriend visiting, I assumed that wouldn’t be an option again. I got a bit pissed when you redid so many things you’ve done before, but pushing away with me kind of hurt.”

 

I look at him feeling a bit bad.

 

“I know it’s not your fault,” he waves it off. “Don’t feel bad or anything. It feels a bit wrong pushing those things out of you when you didn’t really know what was going on. The guys and I wanted to keep you safe however.”

 

I shake my head. “Safe from what?”

 

He shrugs. “Everything really. Even the truth. After the first reset, we thought about telling you the truth. I mean we didn’t know better. It was the first time we saw it after all!”

 

Zee stares down at my arm, “You had a full on panic attack when we told you. You had reset almost instantly. It got scary. We felt awful and vowed to never do it again. The fact you’re fine now feels like a miracle honestly.”

 

“I feel numb to all this information being thrown at me,” I whisper, hugging my legs a little tighter.

 

“It feels like when I was down on earth. Everything was fine, or at least I thought it was fine. I was simply living until all I was doing was running. Running and running for who knows how long? It was such a short piece of my life but it felt like it was my whole life. Suddenly I was thrown an overload of information about my own life. Stuff I never knew nor wanted to know.”

 

“I was perfectly fine with running. I didn’t want to learn about who my father was. I didn’t want to know where my mama went. I wish I never ran. I ran and because of it, I almost got everyone I love killed.”

 

Zee’s arm squeezes me, making me remember I was even talking to him.

 

“Well we’re not dead,” He says. “Maybe dead inside but we’re still walking around.”

 

I force a small laugh. “Yeah, I sure feel that now. It’s weird staying in one spot for so long.”

 

Sitting properly now, I hook onto Zee’s arm. “How close were we?”

 

He laughs and shakes his head at me. “Was waiting for you to ask the big question.”

 

He clears his throat. “We definitely weren’t as close as you might think. We at first started as just fuck buddies. Slowly it turned into more but then some asshole got mad at you and spilled how everything was a lie. You reset and well I didn’t want to push on you again. I was worried about it doing more damage than anything honestly.”

 

I nod along.

 

“Well, I’m single now I guess,” I say.

 

Zee chuckles and squeezes my hand. “I think it best that we don’t try again. I’m sorry, bud, but I can’t really handle another reset playing with my feelings. I hope you understand.”

 

Yeah, that’s probably for the best honestly.

 

“No hard feelings,” I say, eyeing the tattoos on my hand. “Can you tell me why I have tattoos?”

 

When I look at him, he looks surprised.

 

“That must’ve been a shock to find,” He says. “It was from your first visit. Before the first reset. When you told us your story on how you got here, you asked Gus to give you tattoos. I believe the bird was to make the nickname yours? The barbed wire and vines I’m not so sure. I think you mentioned leaving pain in the past?”

 

I frown as I hear all that.

 

Apparently my first visit here was more interesting than this one.

 

I reach for my temple. “Did I have surgery? Was that real?”

 

Zee nods. “Yeah you did. It was after the first reset. They wanted to figure out what was going on with why you forgot everything. It was a mess. I’m only glad that they haven’t felt the need to transfer you!”

 

While that is sorta nice, it clearly isn’t for good reasons. These officers were playing tricks on me!

 

I think the fact they were doing that is what freaks me out more.

 

“I don’t even know if this is real,” I say, my voice trembling. “What if all this was some kind of nightmare and I’ll wake up the next day?”

 

Zee holds me close. “Maybe it is. I just hope that things will go easier for you this time.”

 

Hearing that doesn’t make me feel better at all.

 

Okay maybe a little bit.

 

I don’t want to reset. I hate that they keep calling it that too. It makes me sound like I’m some kind of computer that’s all buggy.

 

I sigh and push myself off the couch. “I’m gonna go see Maksim.”

 

Zee stands with me with his hand on my back. “Want me to walk with you?”

 

I shake my head. “No thank you. I need to try and think.”

 

He nods and pulls me in for another hug.

 

“I’m sorry this is happening again, Zaf,” He says.

 

No tears!

 

No more!

 

“Goodluck with that!”

“He’s definitely gonna cry with Maksim.”

 

I leave and make my way to Maksim’s cell.

 

On the way there, I see Anjak.

 

He nods to me. No cheeky smile this time.

 

Damn it’s like some weird highschool in here. Spreading drama like wildfire.

 

At least I think? I only went to highschool for the first year and never went back when mama was gone.

 

Maybe that was another mistake?

 

I mean I didn’t have anyone to take me so it was not my fault!

 

I purse my lips as thoughts of Piggy and Vero come again.

 

Fuck they have been dead for years now.

 

What about Soul? Is he rusting somewhere nobody will ever see?

 

I blink hard and rub my eyes.

 

“He hasn’t even gotten to Maksim’s cell yet!”

 

“Fucking assholes,” I grit out to the voices. “It’s not like any of you are being helpful in this! None of you thought to mention anything? Any hints at all in these two years?”

 

Silence is all I get in response.

 

Figures.

 

Maksim is on his bed puffing clouds of smoke and on a phone.

 

I raise an eyebrow at him.

 

“You’re having fun I see,” I say sarcastically.

 

He smiles and puts out his cigar before scooting over in bed to make room for me.

 

Settling in next to him, Maksim offers his phone.

 

“Want to watch videos with me,” he asks.

 

I roll my eyes and can’t help the smile on my face. “I think you know I came in here to talk.”

 

He chuckles and puts the phone away. “Yes, I know. Tell me what you wish to know.”

 

Now that I’m here with him, I don’t know where to start.

 

I suppose small?

 

“Is there a pool in here,” I ask.

 

He laughs and nods. “Of course. You’re the only one who goes in there.”

 

I turn to him. “Why is that? I found that so weird.”

 

He shrugs. “Most up here would choose to slowly die in their cells. Many have given up and no longer want to push themselves to do anything.”

 

“So nobody in the entire prison goes in there,” I say, nodding to myself. “Got it. Everyone here is depressed.”

 

He nudges me with his elbow. “Don’t sass me. Most get up in the morning. You’re a late swimmer and the guards don’t want to move you out of there. Other inmates also tend to keep away in case you crack and attack them.”

 

I nod at that.

 

So it wasn’t just the fake visitation days. They would leave me alone to make it not their problem.

 

The added comment about how other inmates are apparently afraid of me is…a bit of a bitch to hear.

 

I’m not hurt by it, but more annoyed than anything.

 

“Have I ever attacked another inmate,” I ask, not really believing I could do something like that.

 

He shakes his head as he thinks it over. “Not that I know of.”

 

Strange.

 

“They are bigots,” he says. “Ignore them.”

 

I shrug along.

 

Wasn’t planning on caring that much anyway.

 

“What else do you wish to know,” He asks.

 

I ponder over it.

 

Honestly Zee answered most of the main questions I was wondering. At least the ones I remember.

 

I can sorta click how other things worked out.

 

Everyone knows about my little issue so obviously if I interacted with them, they most likely tried to keep the secret.

 

The doctor never operated. He knocked me out and then had that old chip saved for future occasions.

 

“Why did you all try so hard to keep the secret,” I ask. “Why care?”

 

He grunts as if he’s annoyed by the question.

 

“We care because you’re our family,” He says. “You may not remember your experiences with us, or even remember our names from time to time, but we do. We remember each time you hated the food and suddenly love the food in another reset.”

 

Fuck I’m not used to him being this nice.

 

“He’s going to cry!”

 

“We want to help as much as we can,” Maksim says, tugging me in for a hug. “After how things were down on earth, you’re stuck with us now. We’ll keep you safe and sound, okay mijo?”

 

Oh that’s new.

 

Oh fuck.

 

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

 

Now the tears are falling.

 

I nod and bury my head into his shoulder.

 

“Now look at you crying,” He huffs a small laugh. “Looks like I said something wrong.”

 

My body shakes and I grip onto his uniform for dear life.

 

“M-Maksim,” I try to speak but end up breaking down more.

 

He shushes me. “It’s alright. No need to speak. I understand. You’re not alone, mijo. Never again.”

 

Well if nothing else ruined me today, that sure did!

 

My biggest fear on earth was snuffed away thanks to these fools on the moon.

 

I’m not sure what I did to deserve it but I can definitely say that I never want to lose this. I never want to be alone.

 

The time after Mama was gone was the scariest time in my life.

 

I remember staying in the apartment for a day before leaving.

 

Mama was never gone for even half a day.

 

I grabbed the baby Yinx and tried looking for her.

 

It was not smart of me to try that. I got lost and couldn’t find my way back. Nobody could help me because Mama wanted to keep our home secret from everyone.

 

When night came, I hid behind a dumpster in the alleyways to stay hidden.

 

If it rained, I would climb inside.

 

Apparently it wasn’t for too long, but I remember it feeling like forever. I was terrified thinking I would never find my mama again. I didn’t think I would have anymore family.

 

I thought I was going to die.

 

Maybe something did die during that time.

 

Something was lost before Piggy and Vero found me.

 

Not entirely sure what it was but a need was gained.

 

A need to constantly have people with me.

 

It expanded from them into Ama and Soul. Eventually Tin Can.

 

Now being here and suddenly finding myself surrounded by people looking out for me first is a shock to the system.

 

It feels good.

 

Really good!

 

“It won’t last.”