Streak - 37. Chapter 37

November 28, 2002

Thanksgiving Day

Goodwell, VA

Wade

It was cold, really cold, but that was only outside. Inside, everything was nice and warm. There were several fireplaces in the house, and all of them had blazing fires going, and while the furnaces were what really generated the heat, the radiant fires made it seem warmer. I was sitting in the great room, looking out at the paddock, even as I went over my checklist. This would be quite the gathering, as my entire family, both real and adopted, would be here. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect, so I was being even more organized than I usually was. Everything had been perfectly scripted out, from the room assignments in this sprawling country mansion, to the seating cards at the dinner table. The menu had been easy, with traditional Thanksgiving fare, so at least that had saved me some effort.

I saw some activity outside and looked up in time to see Alex and my mother getting back from a morning ride. Alex was not about to admit to a human frailty such as being cold, and he certainly wasn’t going to let it get in the way of riding. I would have loved to go with him, but I was pretty busy, sweating all the details, plus I wanted to make sure I was here to welcome my guests. My mother had graciously agreed to join him, which made me a little nervous, trusting him to her clutches, but they were both avid riders, and they'd probably had a good time.

The smell of turkey permeated the house, and assaulted my nose, reminding me that I was ravenously hungry. The cooks had set up a buffet area in the library, complete with hors d’oevres, along with a few more substantial dishes. It was only noon, but as we planned to have dinner at 4:00 today, I decided that would be a good way to serve lunch. I walked into the library to find JJ helping himself to the salmon. “Good afternoon,” I said cheerfully.

He gave me a jaded look, as if he were trying to decide if I were giving him shit for sleeping in. “Good afternoon,” he replied calmly, evidently deciding I was genuinely being polite.

“I just saw Alex and my mother returning from their ride,” I said. That perked him up.

“Cool. Maybe I’ll go up and check on him,” JJ said. It was funny, because he didn’t take anything but a small piece of salmon. He ate that really fast, and then all but ran out, probably hoping to corner Alex in their room so he could get laid. That made me chuckle.

“Good afternoon,” my mother said as she breezed into the room.

“Good afternoon,” I responded. Our tone was friendly but guarded. “How was your ride?”

“The ride was wonderful, the company was charming, but the weather was frigid,” she said.

“Two out of three isn’t bad,” I joked.

“I followed up on that friend of yours I helped out,” she said. We both knew she was referring to Hammer.

“Indeed?”

“He has ended up in Kenya, working with the Masai tribes, and surprisingly enough, he seems to have settled in quite well.”

I chuckled at the thought of Hammer, in Kenya, building huts and the like. “That is surprising. You handled that masterfully.”

“Thank you,” she said, appreciating some rare praise from me. It was a sad commentary that there was really no one better at dirty work and nasty schemes than my mother.

The mood changed again when Nana came in. My mother had kept her locked up and drugged in a nursing home for four years, something that would be hard for anyone to forgive. Personally, I was surprised Nana could even stand to be in the same house with my mother, but to Nana, family was everything, so she was willing to forego her righteous outrage in the interests of a pleasant Thanksgiving. “Good afternoon Wade,” Nana said pleasantly, then gave my mother a frosty look. “Elizabeth.”

“Mummy,” my mother said, in just as cold a manner. “I am going to go up and change my outfit. I’ll see you shortly.” She walked out of the room, leaving Nana and me alone.

“I’m really tempted to go get my rifle and take a couple of shots at her,” Nana growled, cracking me up.

“I think you set an amazing example, putting your own distaste for Mother aside in the interest of family harmony.”

“Humph,” she said. She was about to leave when Brad and his new boyfriend, Marc, came walking into the room. They’d gotten here late last night, along with Stef, Claire and Jack and their kids, and Darius. “Hello there,” Nana said to them in a very friendly way.

“Hello,” Marc replied. He was really adorable, but he was more Matt’s type than mine. I liked a guy who could take charge, at least in bed, and he seemed like the kind of guy who couldn’t or wouldn’t do that.

“Wade, Marc is one of the best riding students I’ve ever had,” Nana said. Will had told me how Nana had all but forced the poor guy to get up on a horse.

“That’s pretty impressive,” I said to him. “It’s rare to get praise like that from Nana unless you’re good.”

“I think good, at this point, is simply managing to hang on and not get bucked off,” he joked.

“Well, it’s a bit cold today to take you out to see Goodwell, but it’s supposed to warm up tomorrow, so we can go riding then,” Nana said. Marc looked somewhat dubious. “I’ll see you later.”

We watched her walk out of the room. “Will was trying to explain to me that when she tells you you’re going riding, you’re going riding,” Marc said, cracking me up. “I now understand what he was saying.”

“She’s used to getting her way,” I agreed. “Did you guys sleep well?”

“No, but that had nothing to do with the bed or the room,” Brad said, and leered at Marc. They were so cute, and so into each other, but this relationship had happened so fast, it was hard to feel really good about it.

Matt chose that moment to come sauntering into the room. God, he was sexy; even his walk was enough to turn me on. “We’re like the old married couple,” I said.

“We are?” Matt asked.

“We don’t stay up all night having sex anymore,” I teased.

“Oh yeah? Is that a challenge?” he asked. “Plan to get no sleep tonight.” We all chuckled about that, and then Brad changed the subject.

“You heard that Ace, Cass, and Courtney won’t be here?”

“I did,” I answered. “They’re in Italy?”

Brad nodded. “The winery is expanding, and they’re looking to buy a small operation in Italy that supposedly has amazing grapes. He decided not to rush home.”

“He hasn’t been around much,” I said.

Brad shrugged. “We haven’t been the best company since 9-11. Cass is a nice person, but messed-up and grieving people stress her out.” Just the mention of that event cast a shadow over our mood. “I think he’s been avoiding us because of that, but he’s also really involved in the winery. None of us thought he’d be as into it as he is.”

“It’s good that he found something to be passionate about,” I said philosophically. “Maybe we can convince him we’re not too fucked up to hang out with.”

“Maybe,” Brad said. “Convincing Ace is easy, but it’s a tougher sell with Cass.” Marc just listened to our conversation, taking it all in. They looked at each other, grinned, then excused themselves to go up and probably have sex again.

The next person to wander in to get food was Ethan. He was my illegitimate half brother, and had been raised primarily at boarding schools. It made sense that when he was here, he seemed a little out of place. Today he was obviously bored, but just as I was trying to drum up something for him to do, my brother, Beau, showed up. Beau had originally wanted nothing to do with Ethan, but he was a really sociable guy, and he’d warmed up to him. Now, when they were around, they usually hung out together, and today was no exception, as Beau dragged Ethan off to do God knows what.

As soon as they left, the group that had stopped in Claremont showed up. Frank and Isidore were there and conveniently enough, Nana returned in time to show them around. She and Isidore had become good friends. JP was focused on getting to his room and getting ready for dinner, something I appreciated. Matt obliged him, and showed him where to go.

“So how did your meeting go?” I asked Zach and Will. They’d had this big conference yesterday, with Zach trying not to hate his parents.

“Really well,” Will said, answering for both of them. I raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“My dad apologized for ripping me up and down for my entire life, and we all decided to forget about all that crap and just move on,” Zach said, then grinned. “That means they have to not hate Will anymore.”

“You think they can do that?” I asked, just to give Will shit.

“We’ll see,” Will said. “We had an early Thanksgiving dinner with them last night and they were both really nice. So far so good.”

“We’ll see if spending quality time with you can’t change their minds,” I teased. They laughed, and then they vanished too. And so that was how my afternoon went, with people coming and going, stopping in to have a drink, snack on some food, and chat.

I went upstairs for half an hour, and then came back downstairs at 3:45, just to make sure everyone got situated. We had name cards around the table, which was at its maximum length. I looked down its expanse at the 27 place settings, with my family’s beautiful china, and the crystal and silver that sparkled under the massive chandelier. I sat at one end of the table, while JP was at the other end. Stef was to JP’s right, while Matt was to mine, which I thought was actually kind of funny, so I gave Matt shit about it. My mother was down the table a way, nearer to JP, while Nana was seated on the other side at the end closer to me. Trevor, Aunt Emeline, Uncle Davis, Travis, Tiffany, Will, JJ, Alex, Beau, Mary Ellen, Darius, Marc, Brad, Claire, Jack, John, Marie, Zach, Frank, Isidore, and Ethan completed our gathering. Riley and Maddy would make a guest appearance, then leave, since they were way too energetic to sit around at a table with a bunch of adults.

People began arriving, and took their designated spots. The big grandfather clock began to sound, the Westminster chimes reverberating through the dining room, then it gonged out four times, as if to announce dinner. I looked around the table, and everyone was here except Darius. I stared at his empty seat, frustrated that he was delaying dinner……

Will

……Where the fuck was Darius? He was usually pretty good about being punctual, but he had a horrible sense of direction. Maybe he got lost in the house; it was big enough. That made me chuckle to myself. “I’ll go find him,” I said. I was the obvious candidate to go track him down. There was no way JJ would inconvenience himself to go searching for Darius, especially when JJ was on time and Darius was late. I took my napkin from my lap as I stood up, and put it on my chair, and headed for the door. I was almost out of the room when Darius came walking in.

When I saw him, I froze, and my mouth fell open. He was wearing a uniform, like he was in the army or something. Conversation in the room stopped completely as everyone tried to digest this latest development. “Sorry I’m late,” he said, as if he didn’t just walk in here in military garb.

“Dude, what are you doing?” I demanded as I stood in front of him.

“I’m here for dinner. I said I was sorry I was late,” he said, trying to deflect me away from the key issue. Only that was bullshit. He wore this uniform in here to make a statement. He obviously wanted us to pay attention, and he obviously wanted to talk about it.

“Yeah, but unless this is some new fashion craze, you’re wearing a uniform.”

“It’s not a new fashion craze,” JJ said with a hint of disdain.

“I signed up for the Navy ROTC,” he said, like it was no big deal, like he’d joined the fucking glee club or something like that.

“Why?” I realized that my tone wasn’t real positive or friendly, but he had totally freaked me out.

“I’m going to get through college, and then I’m going to go fight,” he said. His sentences were formal and clipped, as if he were already an officer.

“Darius, you cannot do this,” I said, shaking my head. I’d read Grand’s papers on Vietnam, and they were pretty thorough in itemizing the human cost. The thought of Darius fighting in the desert in some stupid, futile war like that, or worse yet, his getting hurt or killed, had pretty much raised me to the hysterical level.

“It’s my life, not yours,” he snapped.

“That’s what I’m worried about, you losing your life,” I responded in the same tone.

“I’m going to go get the bastards who killed our parents. I’m going to hunt those sons of bitches down, and get all of them. I want to be the one who gets to pull the trigger and take out Osama bin Laden. I’m going to send him straight to hell. And after I get him, I’m gunning for Saddam Hussein.” The hatred and venom in his voice was a little scary.

“Iraq didn’t have anything to do with that,” I told him. When we’d gotten into that big argument with Dad and Stef about buying stock in shit companies like Halliburton, I’d spent some time with Grand looking at the case against Iraq. It was bullshit.

“How do you know that? You think you’re smarter than all the dudes in intelligence who are looking at this stuff?”

“Yeah, because they want to start a war, and I don’t,” I said back, matching his tone and his posture.

“So you’re smarter than all of our guys, and the people in the UK and all the other countries that say Iraq is responsible? You’re that arrogant?”

“It’s not about whether I’m smarter or not, it’s about looking at the facts,” I said, so pissed off that he was making me out to be a pompous ass.

“You don’t give a shit that those nutcases are trying to build a nuclear bomb? You saw what they did with three airplanes. What do you think they’ll do with a nuclear bomb?!”

“Prove that Iraq had anything to do with 9-11,” I challenged. “You do that, and we’ll talk about how dangerous they’ll be with a nuclear weapon.”

I heard a throat clear and turned to see Grand standing up. I suddenly realized we’d been having this argument in front of everyone, and we were holding up dinner. “I’m sorry,” I said sheepishly, and went back to my seat……

JP

……I shared Will’s horror at seeing Darius in a uniform. Will was parroting my own point of view, which made sense since we’d spent some time going over these issues together. But I remembered André, my first love, and how he’d gone off to war with such resolution. I remembered his sergeant, whom we called Fritz, and how dedicated he was to the service. And if that were not enough, I remembered Steven’s diary from World War II, and how his friend Aaron was so gung-ho to go fight. There was no use arguing, at least not at this point. Darius was just like them, a headstrong young man determined to fight for his country; he wouldn’t listen to reason, because he hadn’t made his decision to join the military logically in the first place. Not only that, but it was the height of rudeness to have this debate in front of everyone, and inexcusable to delay dinner.

I appreciated the respect I got from my family, and I especially appreciated it at this point in time. As soon as I’d stood and cleared my throat, Will had reined in his tirade, and a somewhat severe look at both of them was enough to dispatch them to their seats. “It would be customary and appropriate for you to propose a Thanksgiving toast,” I said to Wade, “but I am wondering if you would allow me to make a few comments before you do.”

“By all means,” Wade said graciously.

“There are two different issues in front of us. The first is that Darius has joined the ROTC, and plans to serve his country after he has finished college. That is a very noble and very brave thing to do. His willingness to put himself at risk for his country is deserving of all our accolades. So with that, I would like to toast my grandson, and tell him how proud of him I am.” Will gave me a dirty look, but he stood along with everyone else and toasted Darius.

“Thanks,” Darius muttered uncomfortably, even as he looked at me with gratitude for my words.

“The second issue is whether the United States should be putting together a force to attack Iraq, and whether it should use that force to actually invade that country. I am adamantly opposed to such a venture, because there has been no reasonable proof linking the government of Saddam Hussein to the 9-11 attacks, and we have no reasonable proof that Iraq has, or is close to having, nuclear weapons. What Darius’ action has done is to make me redouble my efforts to make myself heard, so maybe we can stop this nightmare before it envelops him.” Everyone just looked at me, saying nothing.

“I must apologize for delaying your dinner with such vitriol,” I said to Wade. “But I am obliged to you for that opportunity”……

Wade

……“It’s not a problem,” I told JP honestly, even though I’d been a little flustered that they’d taken control of the agenda and destroyed the beginning of our celebration. I was determined to change the mood. I stood up to firmly seize the floor. “Last year, when we sat around this table, we were wounded and floundering. My mind was dominated by thoughts of my father, who so enjoyed this holiday, and that is no different this year. Only this year, I have managed to move beyond the extreme grief, and I can stand here with all of you, and tell you how proud my father would have been of all of us for the way we overcame that adversity. So as I did last year, I would like to propose a toast to Jefferson Danfield, who is here and will remain here in spirit.” Everyone stood and toasted my father, but unlike last year, there was a more positive attitude, as these people thought about him as he used to be, and the pain of losing him had somewhat diminished.

I sat down and we began passing plates of food around. I’d thought about dispensing with that and having individual meals served to everyone, but the general banter as food was being circulated was part of the fun of this holiday. After our plates were full, Matt and I applied ourselves to eating, and that briefly eliminated our conversation. Mary Ellen was seated three people to my left, while Alex was seated four people on my right. I noticed that Mary Ellen didn’t have any wine in her glass.

Mary Ellen liked a strong Cabernet, so I’d had one of those available primarily for her. I took the bottle and walked over to her place. “You didn’t get any wine.”

I went to pour it into her glass but she put her hand out to block me. “I’m not drinking.”

“Oh,” I said, and went back to my seat.

“That’s not like you,” Matt said, teasing her.

“It is now,” she said, smiling at him.

“You drying out, Mary Ellen?” Trevor asked her playfully.

“No, I’m pregnant,” she said. As soon as she uttered that statement, all conversation faded until it had ceased, and we all looked at her. I scanned the table, and noticed that everyone except my mother looked shocked. Silence blanketed the room for a good minute.

“How far along are you?” Aunt Emeline asked.

“Just a month,” she said, in her perky way. “Aren’t you all happy for me?”

“My apologies,” I said, and lifted my glass again. “To Mary Ellen and the baby she is carrying. Even though the child will be the spawn of Satan, more or less, let us hope he or she is healthy, wise, and kind.” Mary Ellen laughed, and we drank to her.

“Well, since you’re not married, and you don’t have a boyfriend with you, who’s the father?” Nana asked, in her typically direct way.

“His Lordship,” she said, and gestured toward Alex, who turned white as a ghost. I was worried that he’d pass out as he sat there. I looked at him, then at Mary Ellen, wondering what her game was. Did she do this on purpose, just to trap him? They’d evidently had unprotected sex, and she would have known she was ovulating, or at least I assumed that she would. Despite all I’d learned about babies from Riley’s birth, women’s bodies were still a mystery to me. But if Alex was freaking out, that was nothing compared to the look on JJ’s face……

JJ

……I sat there, just as horrified as Alex, even as I looked at him. He was usually so composed and calm, but this time, he couldn’t hide his shock. My first instinct was to try to do something to help him out, until it dawned on me what had really happened. I’d been sitting here, trying to eat my dinner and ignore the inane conversation as much as I could. Wade’s sister was across from Alex, more or less, and she’d been looking at him lustfully throughout this whole dinner. I’d been fuming to myself, annoyed that that whore was moving in on my man. I sat there, planning to go full out bitch-rage on her. Then she announced that she was pregnant, which didn’t surprise me at all, since she was such a slut. Whenever I’d seen her, she’d always acted like a hooker at a frat party. This time, though, she was acting much more refined, and I’d thought that maybe getting knocked up had knocked some sense into her. Then she dropped this bombshell on us, and announced that Alex was the father.

I was silently freaking out, even as my mind raced to grapple with this. It wasn’t enough that Darius walked in wearing incredibly tacky military garb and made a scene, and it wasn’t bad enough that Mary Ellen was all but offering to fuck Alex’s brains out as we ate dinner, but now she was pregnant with Alex’s child? Maybe she was lying. That would be totally in character for her, the nasty skank. Alex had said he’d been with someone recently, but I hadn’t wanted to know who that lucky person was. Was he with her? Was she telling the truth, or was she just making this up to try and trap him? Was she like some basketball player’s girlfriend, where she gets knocked up to force him to marry her? Or was she just planning to be his baby momma?

“Are you sure?” Matt asked.

Mary Ellen glared at him. “Yes I’m sure,” she snapped, and acted like her honor had been challenged, like she was so fucking virginal. She looked at Alex. “I haven’t been with anyone else since June.” For some reason, that really seemed to bother Matt, but I had no clue why.

“I was certainly not expecting this,” Alex said nervously.

“I thought you’d be happy about it,” Mary Ellen said to him. He had to be as shocked by that as I was. Why the fuck would he be happy about it?

“I think it is reasonable for me to be surprised,” he said to her coolly.

“Have you decided to keep the baby?” Wade asked. Now she directed her ire at Wade.

“I am not going to get an abortion.” Wade just stared at her, challenging her with his eyes. “Daddy would want me to have this baby. I’m doing this for him.” For some reason, that seemed to totally take the wind out of his sails. I didn’t get why not getting an abortion was some twisted honor paid to her late father.

“Then I suppose we should have a conversation about that after dinner,” Alex said with uncharacteristic nervousness.

“I suppose we should,” Mary Ellen said, with a smarmy expression.

“I would think that any discussion would involve your families, as well as you two,” Wade’s mother said. She was acting all outraged, but I didn’t think she was. She was a bitch from hell; the two of these shrews had probably engineered this scheme from the beginning.

“I’m not sure that’s appropriate, at this juncture,” Alex said to her. I knew that meant they’d be talking to Alex’s grandfather, the Duke of Suffolk, because his father really didn’t factor into his life. Alex was awed by his grandfather, probably in the same way that we were awed by Grand. Getting him involved was probably the last thing Alex wanted to do.

“Well, regardless, that’s something we can talk about later,” Wade said, trying desperately to save this Thanksgiving from becoming a total disaster. I thought it was a waste of time. It was already completely fucked up.

I took a bite of turkey, but it just sat in my mouth like a rock. I forced myself to chew it and swallow, but I wasn’t hungry, and worse, it was likely that if I tried to eat anything else, I’d just puke it up. I thought about just sitting there and not eating, but that was just unbearable. I stood up and put my napkin on my plate, indicating that I was finished. “Please excuse me, I’m not feeling well. I hope the rest of you enjoy your dinner,” I said, and headed for the door.

The looks I got were almost more irritating than all the drama. Most of them were sympathetic, like I needed their pity. Mary Ellen looked so smug. I was so ready to slap that bitch all the way back to Charlottesville. Alex looked sorry, and really upset, but I could only stand to spare him a glance at that point. Matt, Will, and Darius all looked furious, like they were about to go postal on Alex. In that way that brothers can communicate without talking, a firm look from me, making eye contact with each of them, was enough to chill their asses out. It took a much longer and more intense stare at my father for him to get the picture, but he only settled down after Marc whispered something in his ear.

I climbed the stairs, heading back up to the room I was sharing with Alex. Maybe he’d move out and move into Mary Ellen’s room. If she trapped him, that would take him away from me. With each step, the agony got worse. I’d worked so hard to get him. I’d done everything I could to be the perfect closet boyfriend, and what was even worse about this was that he’d done the same thing for me. We were so good together, or at least we used to be.

I was pretty much committed to being in Boston for a couple of years, and that had worked out perfectly, since that was Alex’s plan as well. I’d put off thinking about the day when we’d go our separate ways, because it was so far off into the future. But if he ran off with Mary Ellen, I’d be stuck in Boston without him. Every time I walked out into the hall and saw his room, I’d remember him and how good we were, and how much I cared about him.

I walked into my room, shut the door carefully, then lay on the bed on my stomach and just beat the shit out of the mattress with my fists, venting my rage at all these people who had completely fucked up not only my Thanksgiving, but my life. The anger, the fury, faded, and then I just lay there on the bed, gripped by an emotion I knew only too well: sadness. I’d had to deal with having my coach die, and I’d had to grapple with the fact that he didn’t love me, that he was just molesting me. I’d had to deal with Shane Jackson’s suicide, and the knowledge that since I was part of the orgies the coach had set up, I was partly responsible. Then I’d had to deal with losing my mother and Robbie in that fucking tower. It was like the world was determined to throw as much shit at me as it could. Was this just some big, fucking test to see how much I could stand before I finally cracked?

I thought about how I’d cut myself after Shane killed himself, and realized that I had already cracked once before. I remembered that time, when I’d been in such emotional agony; I’d used the physical pain to block out the emotional trauma. If I lost Alex, it would be harder than all those other events, because this one would be piled up on top of them. I’d have to deal with this shit all over again, and I’d have to cope with losing him.

The pain was overwhelming. I sat up in the bed, pulling my knees to my face in what was almost a fetal position, letting my pants absorb my tears. I was all alone, and that was probably how it was going to stay. Alex would leave me, so this was my reality. I cried out in pain at that, at losing him, and then I got up and started rummaging through my suitcase, looking for the pocket knife I kept with me.