Shades of Gray - 19. Chapter 19...Loving As We Are...

"Well, enough with the small talk, Chase.” Scott smiled knowingly before taking a sip of his tea. "Why did you really want to see me? I know it wasn't just to see how I was doing..." He accused him playfully.

"Wait. That's not true.” Chase defended quickly. "I still care about you...very much.” He stated sincerely. “You know that."

"I didn't say you didn't care.” Scott countered. "I asked why you really invited me out to lunch.” He clarified as he placed his elbows on the table, clasping his fingers together under his chin. "I didn't just meet you yesterday, Chase. I have a couple of years under my belt. I know you too well.” He reminded his friend. "So spill it."

“Touché.” Chase laughed uneasily as he placed his cloth napkin in his lap. He tilted his head slightly combing his fingers through his hair and smiled. “Listen, Scott, I hope there is no hard feelings between us.”

“None.” Scott assured him, returning a kind smile.

“Good.” He sighed. “And you’re right.” Chase admitted flatly. “Aside from wanting to see how you are; I also have a favor to ask.”

“And you felt that by asking me in person you stood a better chance that I would agree to whatever it is you need.” He smirked as he picked up his fork.

“No. Actually, I thought this was too serious to discuss on the phone.”

“Ooooo.” Scott replied, with a hint of excitement. “Sounds interesting. Do tell.” Scott encouraged as he speared his lettuce before dipping it into his balsamic dressing. He took a bite chewing slowly as he eyed Chase in waiting.

“Well…You see.” Chase stuttered while scratching his temple searching for the right words. He needed Scott’s help, but more importantly, he needed Scott’s help to help Kaleb; the man he ended their friendship with benefits to be with. This was a delicate situation and he wanted to choose his words carefully, while at the same time being respectful of Scott’s feelings.

Chase inhaled deeply, releasing it slowly. “I need to know if you have any friends down at Family Services. More specifically in the Foster Care division.” He stated simply.

“The Foster Care division?” Scott repeated with a puzzling gaze. He carefully set his fork on his plate using his napkin to wipe the corners of his mouth. By his expression, Chase could tell Scott’s demeanor had changed taking on a more serious tone.

“Yes.” Chase nodded.

“Do you have a case you’re working on where you need some discretion?”

“Well, something like that.” Chase admitted. “Discretion is a must.” He stressed. “But it’s not for a case. This is personal.”

“Personal?” Scott asked with concern. “What do you need, Chase? Wait.” He leaned back in his chair. “You aren’t thinking about…” He let the statement hang remembering their conversations about having children and if he remembered correctly, Chase didn’t want any right now.

“Oh...no.” Chase chuckled at the awed expression on his friend’s face. He picked up his glass of crisp, cool cucumber water, taking a small sip before continuing.

“Then what is it. You sound so serious.”

“It’s about Kaleb.”

“Ohhh….” Scott replied as he rubbed his finger thoughtfully under his chin. “What about Kaleb?”

“There’s a situation that I really need… You know.” He paused, scratching between his brows. “Let me get right to the point. Kaleb wants to adopt a little girl from the shelter and I want to make that happen.” He stated simply.

“Wait…” Scott shook his head in attempt to ward off the confusion overwhelming him. “Kaleb…Little Kaleb. Your little boyfriend…Kaleb?” He questioned through a slight giggle.

“Yes….that Kaleb.” Chase replied, “and this is serious, Scott. Kaleb is not a little kid. He’s a grown, responsible young man, and I wish you wouldn’t make light of the situation.” He stated with irritation in his tone.

“Okay…okay.” Scott held up his hands in defense. “Sorry, geeze. I just wasn’t expecting that…that’s all. So go ahead.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry if I overreacted.” He apologized. “It’s a touchy subject. Not everyone is on board with his decision.”

“Everyone…” Scott arched his brow sitting back in his seat.

“His parents… they don’t think he’s capable of taking care of Lilly…”

“Lilly?” Scott questioned.

“Yes. That’s the little girl from the shelter. Her mother…” Chase went on to explain the situation in detail, what had happened to Tamika also explaining the bond that had developed between Kaleb and the child.

“Wow…” Scott replied as he absentmindedly reached for his tea still processing the information. “I think it’s very admirable of him to want to take on that responsibility.” He admitted honestly. “He does understand it’s a lifelong commitment doesn’t he?”

“Of course he does.”

“Hummm…” Scott nodded slowly before turning the glass up to his lips. He took a long sip swallowing hard before continuing. “And you?” He tilted his head slightly.

“What about me?” Chase pointed to himself.

“Are you ready for that type of commitment? I mean if you two are a couple. You are a couple…right?”

Chase took a deep breath running his hand down his chin, not so much debating the question, as much as he was understanding the point Scott was trying to make. He and Kaleb were indeed a couple and though he was against this in the beginning it wasn’t for the reason’s Scott was pointing out. After a few seconds he stated with conviction.

“Yes. Yes we are a couple.”

“I see…” Scott sighed softly.

“Scott…” Chase reached across the table for his friend’s hand. “I…”

“No. No, Chase, it’s okay.” He lowered his head pulling his hand back before playing with the edge of his napkin. Scott lifted his head coming face to face with Chase sharing a forlorn glance. “So are you ready to be a daddy.” He smiled genuinely.

“I don’t know about all that.” Chase chuckled as he rested his head in his hand. “But I’m ready to do everything in my power to help him in whatever capacity he needs.”

“You’re in love with him?”

Chase bit his lower lip and smiled at the thought of being totally in love with Kaleb. “I am.” He admitted receiving a defeated yet approving smile from his friend.

“So you need to move fast.” Scott assumed sitting up straight regaining his composure.

“That’s where you come in.” Chase pressed his lips together in a tight line. “That’s if you’re willing to help.”

Scott smiled as he pulled out his phone before reaching for Chase’s hand. “Of course. You’re a wonderful man, Chase, and I’m happy for you. Kaleb is a very lucky man. I wish it was me, but Que Sera Sera.” Chase returned the smile giving Scott’s hand a gentle squeeze, feeling slightly relieved. It wasn’t just about the fact that Scott had agreed to help. It was the fact that they were alright, and that was important to him. Scott was important to him.

“Yes…” Scott laughed into the phone. “Dinner and a movie and that’s it.” He placed his finger over the speaker on the cell phone and winked at Chase. “Oh, you must keep your hands to yourself.” He giggled flirtatiously.

Chase crossed his arms over his chest as he relaxed in his chair watching in amusement as Scott did what Scott did best, be his charming self.

“Okay and you’ve got the name right? Lillian Reynolds…that’s correct.” He confirmed. “I’ll make sure he understands.” He smiled. “Thanks a lot Grant. See you soon.” He promised as he ended the call.

“Well….” Chase questioned.

“It’s done.” Scott stated proudly. “Grant has the file. He’s holding on to it until Kaleb meets the training requirement, which he needs to start immediately.”

“Don’t worry about that. He’ll do whatever he needs to do.” He assured him. “Then what?”

“Then Grant approves it, gives it to his supervisor for his signature and they will call Kaleb and tell him to come and get her. Now he can’t officially adopt her right away.”

“I know that…”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you are an attorney of family law.” Scott laughed.

“Right.”

“It’s gonna cost you, you know.” Scott teased while picking up his fork shaking it at Chase.

“Oh lord, like what?” He sighed rolling his eyes toward the ceiling.

“I’ll think of something.” Scott snickered as he cut into his cheesecake. Chase laughed reaching for his coffee and shook his head eyeing Scott over the rim of his cup before taking a cautious sip.

~*~*~

“Did I just hear the intercom?”

“No, Baby.” Chase replied as he stepped onto the stepladder. “Can you hand me that rod over there?” He pointed to the gold rod leaning against the wall. They spent the day furniture shopping for Kaleb’s new place. Everything was to his design, highlighting his unique style. The living room, kitchen, his bedroom and Lilly’s were all to his taste; including the shower curtains and towels in his, and the guest bathroom. Chase only offered suggestions when asked. He was thrilled, watching Kaleb make all the decisions. His home would display his personality.

“Oh sure.” Kaleb hurried to assist his boyfriend. “How’s it coming?”

“It’s coming.” Chase sighed slightly frustrated. “I just don’t understand why we didn’t take them up on their suggestion and have someone from the store come over and hang the curtains and blinds.” He huffed as he tried to force the rod on the hook.

“It’s more fun this way.” Kaleb stated while unfolding the curtain.

“For who?” Chase retorted. “Hand me the….” He laughed more to himself, Kaleb was one-step ahead of him, offering him the curtain he was about to ask for.

“For me.” Kaleb said as he crossed his arms over his chest. He stepped back getting a better view of the window and smiled approvingly. “It’s going to be beautiful when we’re finished.” He complimented. “And besides, it’s my first apartment. I want to hang every picture, every curtain with my own hands so when it’s all done we can say we did it.” He stated proudly.

“I understand that.” Chase commented as he carefully stepped off the small ladder admiring his handiwork. “All I’m saying is we could be doing something else.”

“Like what?” Kaleb challenged. “The furniture isn’t even here yet.” He pointed out as he felt himself being pulled into Chase’s embrace.

“I would have paid to have someone put up the curtains. I’ve hit my thumb so many times it’s turning purple.” He griped holding it out for Kaleb to see.

“Awww…Poor baby.” He teased taking Chase’s hand into his own. “Let me see.” He pouted. “Just because you have the means doesn’t mean you should always use it.” He voiced as he kissed Chase’s thumb. “That’s what I’m going to teach Lilly.” He stated as he twisted himself from his boyfriend’s embrace. Chase smiled as he followed Kaleb to the next window.

“I can’t believe it’s happening so quickly.” Kaleb exclaimed through a wide smile and a faraway look in his eyes.

Chase could see the wheels turning inside Kaleb’s pretty, little head. He had told him over dinner - cheeseburgers, fries, and malts from their favorite burger joint - that his application would be approved at an accelerated rate thanks to Scott. Kaleb squealed so loudly, Chase was sure they were about to be kicked out.

“Well it’s true what they say it’s not what you know all the time… but who.”

“I know…” Kaleb agreed excitedly. “And to think your ex-boyfriend is responsible for us getting Lilly.”

Chase laughed as he picked up another rod. The word “Us” rang in his ears. He sounded like Scott. “Well, first of all Scott wasn’t my boyfriend.” He stated adamantly. Kaleb just rolled his eyes and shook his head as he pulled the ladder over to the next window. He crossed his arms over his chest as he watched Chase carefully step up on it. “Secondly, he is not responsible for you getting Lilly…you are.” He smiled kindly. “I need the hammer.”

“Hummm…” Kaleb glanced around until his eyes landed on the heavy metal object. “Here…”

“Thank you.” Chase said as he reached behind him. “You are more than qualified to be Lilly’s foster father until the state allows you to adopt her.” He said as Kaleb handed him a nail. “All Scott did was have a few steps…Important steps I might add, bypassed to speed up the process.”

“Whatever he did I appreciate it.” Kaleb replied with genuine appreciation. “I think we should have him over for dinner when it’s all over.”

Chase chuckled as he hammered the nail into the wall. “That’s a great idea. I’ll run it by him.”

“Or I could…” Kaleb suggested. Was that it…was that the hint of jealously Chase had been waiting on. Maybe just maybe Kaleb didn’t want him in Scott’s company for any certain length of time.

“Or you could.” Chase smiled. “Don’t forget you have to take the CPR class tomorrow and meet with the family counselor for your psych eval-. If you don’t do…”

“Don’t worry. I’m on it.” Kaleb interrupted. “I already told Darla I’m only going to be at the shelter for half the day.” He said as he handed Chase the curtain.

“Good.”

Kaleb watched anxiously as Chase finished his task. “It’s beautiful….” He beamed brightly. He stepped back out of the way allowing Chase to step down.

“Thank you.” Chase grinned blowing on his fist before rubbing it against his chest feigning arrogance. “I’m pretty good if I do say so myself.” He said with a quick nod.

“Oh, you’re better than good…You’re amazing.” Kaleb snickered through a sly grin. He stepped up behind his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around Chase’s waist causing his to lose his balance almost toppling off the step and on to Kaleb.

“Whoa...Tiger.” Chase laughed as he twisted within Kaleb’s arms, his tall masculine body towering over him.

“I love you.” Kaleb’s eyes sparkled as he locked gazes with Chase’s emerald green ones.

“I love you back.” He replied, as Kaleb stood on the tips of his toes puckering his lips meeting Chase’s halfway. They shared a tender kiss while relaxing into each other’s embrace. Chase pulled back after a moment admiring the man wrapped in his arms, in awe at how beautiful, he was, not only on the outside, which was an added bonus, but his heart was pure and beautiful as well.

“Okay, my “He-Man,” On to the next task.” Kaleb giggled, taking Chase by the hand.

“Hold on, let me get my trusty hammer.” Chase laughed jokingly even as he was being dragged out of the living room.

“Ah-ah-ah…” Kaleb laughed, yanking him forward. He reached behind him grabbing Chase between his legs. “You’ve got the essential tools I need right here.” Kaleb giggled being naughty.

“Why, Kaleb, I’m starting to think you just want me for my body.”

“And your skills….” He called back over his shoulder still dragging his boyfriend down the hall.

~*~*~

He padded down the hall, his bare feet stepping lightly against the hardwood floor. He yawned sleepily tousling his own messy hair. A contented smile crossed his lips at the thought of his boyfriend sleeping peacefully, and completely satisfied in his bed. They made love zipped inside of their sleeping bag and they had resigned themselves to spending yet another night on the floor when the furniture finally arrived. It was later then they expected, but the delivery guys were apologetic and professional.

They set up his bed, and arranged the furniture in the living room to his specification and didn’t complain when he changed his mind several times as to where he wanted the overstuffed Italian leather sofa and matching chair. He had a hard time deciding what colors he wanted in the living room. All he knew was he wanted something vibrant. No dark depressing colors, like black or brown. He wanted something different, something… happy.

Their salesperson was great, up to date on the latest fashions and trends and he seemed to zero in on what Kaleb wanted. With Chase’s help, he finally made a decision and though the salesperson called the matching set Dazzling Cayenne Chase simply called it red.

His smile widened and his feet instinctively came to a stop at the room that would be Lilly’s. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he glanced around the room. The crib was still in the box, propped against the wall. They offered to set it up as well, but he insisted he and Chase would do that together.

The ambience of the room was warm and inviting, and night light gave off a soft glow. He was sure the bedding he chose was perfect. The color was a solid pink ultra-suede with contemporary floral embroidery of accents pink, turquoise, sage green and yellow. They decided to have the room painted pink and go with dark mahogany furniture.

Aside from the large rocking chair, everything was still in its original packaging. He hesitantly stepped inside taking a deep breath anticipating the day when his little girl would sleep in there. He gingerly ran his hand over the top of the box that held the dismantled crib, taking cautious steps around the room absorbing his surroundings. His eyes landed on the bags of clothes he would have to fold and put in the drawers or hang in her closet.

“Kaleb…” The soft voice, though non-intrusive startled him as he reached for the large giraffe. He turned around to see a pair of tired green eyes looking at him.

“Hey…” He smiled warmly as Chase made his way inside the room.

“Excited huh?” He guessed while rubbing his eyes.

“A little…” Kaleb admitted as he set the stuffed animal back on the floor. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“You didn’t…not really.” Chase stated taking Kaleb’s hand into his own. “I missed you.” He whispered faintly in his ear before kissing his temple softly. He led him over to the rocking chair pulling him down on his lap as he took a seat. “This is really going to happen.” He smiled as he wrapped Kaleb in his arms. Kaleb shifted getting comfortable before resting his head against Chase’s chest. It didn’t matter that they barely fit, he loved the closeness.

“Thank you…”

“I didn’t do anything. This is all you, Baby.” Chase praised while nodding around the room. “Are you scared…even a little?”

“No…” Kaleb stated simply without hesitation. “Excited…but not scared.”

“Hum…” Chase smiled as he rested his chin in Kaleb’s hair.

“She’s such a wonderful baby. I’m glad I can do this for her.” He spoke softly. “No child should be left alone in the world with no one to care for him or her.” He sighed as he relaxed into Chase’s arms.

“She’s a very lucky little girl.”

“I don’t know about that.” Kaleb smiled. “But I’ll do my best to take care of her…protect her.” He replied as he combed his finger through his hair.

“You’ll do fine.” Chase assured him. “I’ll help as much as I can.”

Kaleb shifted, looking up over his shoulder skeptically. “You will?” He questioned with expressive eyes.

“Of course.” Chase smiled. “We’re together.” He reminded him through a warm smile. “I would assume you come as a package deal now.”

“Umhum…” Kaleb agreed. He took on a more serious nature, receiving a curious look from Chase. “Do you have a Superhero?” The question seemed random, but serious by the look in his eyes.

“A Superhero?”

“Yeah…”

Chase scratched above his brow considering Kaleb’s question thoughtfully. “You know, I don’t think I do.” He answered honestly.

“Everyone should have one. I have one.” He admitted through a cheeky grin.

“Spiderman…” Chase surmised.

“Spiderman…” Kaleb confirmed. “I’ll make sure Lilly a Superhero too.” He stated reflectively.

“She already has one.” Chase smiled as his combed is fingers through Kaleb’s thick curls. “We both do.”

“Who?” Kaleb asked back over his shoulder.

“You…”

“I’m no Superhero.” Kaleb laughed ducking his head bashfully.

“You are in my book.” Chase said as he tightened his grip.

“But, I don’t have a suit.” He pointed out. “Everyone knows a Superhero needs a cool suit.” He explained.

“You still have the Peter Pan outfit you wore for Halloween.”

“Peter Pan is not a Superhero…silly.” Kaleb swatted at him playfully.

“That may be true.” Chase laughed. “But you look damn hot in those green tights.” Kaleb gasped in shock before breaking out in a contagious laugh. They continued to talk for another hour or so in the baby’s room before Chase suggested they go back to bed, reminding Kaleb they both had to get up early in the morning.

~*~*~

The next couple of days were a blur. Kaleb passed his CPR class, receiving his first ever certification. He was almost finished with his ten hours of required training; luckily, he was able to use a few hours from the shelter since he dealt with children every day. He was one-step closer to the prize. Chase, on the other hand had taken on a few more cases adding to his already full list of clients.

Their days consisted of short phone calls, quick texts and missed lunch dates. They spent their nights eating cold take-out, while putting the finishing touches on the apartment and Lilly’s room. Kaleb also used that time to do his required reading. The book he chose was entitled ‘A Child called “IT,”’ by Dave Pelzer.

Tonight they were celebrating all their hard work. Kaleb suggested they dress up and go out to dinner. Chase arrived back at Kaleb’s place dressed in “classic black”, at 7:30 sharp, Kaleb was like his mother in that respect. Punctuality was a must.

He stepped inside; hiding a surprise behind his back, but it was he who got the surprise. The apartment was dark and quiet, with a slight chill in the air.

“Kaleb…” He sang out happily, as he entered the living room. He frowned and furrowed his brows in confusion when he got no reply. He stepped further inside and headed for the kitchen, to find it empty as well. He took a deep breath, scratching behind his ear. He was sure they were meeting here and not his place, but maybe he was mistaken.

He pulled out his cell phone scanning the contacts as he headed for the bedroom. The call went straight to voicemail. “Kaleb, where are you?” He asked himself as he stuffed the phone back in his pocket. He noticed the door to Lilly’s room was closed. He called out once more even as he tried to open it. “Locked…” He said to no one in particular. “Kaleb?!” He knocked on the door and waited. “Kaleb, are you in there?” He turned to walk away when he heard a slight whimper. “Kaleb?!” He called out in a panic dropping the dozen red roses he held behind his back.

“Go away, Chase…Please.” Kaleb yelled from behind the locked door through a shaky voice.

“Kaleb, Baby…what’s wrong?” He asked trying to remain calm.

“I’m not good enough.” Was his only reply.

“What!?” Chase shook his head as if he misunderstood.

“Please, Chase, just go.” Kaleb cried.

“Open the door, Kaleb.” Chase tried to steady his voice.

“They took her, Chase. They took Lilly away from me.” Kaleb said through heartbreaking sobs.

“What the Fuck….” Chase said more to himself. “Kaleb, Baby, please open the door.” Chase pleaded even as he banged his fist in defeat against it. “What are you talking about…They took Lilly away? They…who?” He questioned. He rested his head against wood frame, continuing his pleas. “Who took Lilly away?” He asked again. His heart was breaking as he listened to Kaleb’s uncontrolled sobs on the other side of the door. He felt helpless because he couldn’t get to him.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” He thought to himself as his body slid lifelessly to the floor. “Kaleb…” He whispered through the crack of the door. “I can’t help you if I don’t understand.” He jumped sitting up straight upon hearing commotion on the other side of the door. He glanced down just in time to see a crumbled up piece of paper being forced under the door. “What is this?” He strained his eyes trying to see as he straightened out the sheet of paper.

“Dear, Mr. Fitzgerald, we regret to inform you.” He read aloud as he eyes darted from left to right. “Results of your….” He squinted re-reading the last line again. “Oh my god.” He said faintly cupping his hand over his mouth.

“See…” Kaleb sobbed through the door.

“Fuck…” Chase hissed. He felt the walls in his chest tighten as he tried to breathe. “Kaleb…” He managed to speak. “There’s gotta be some mistake. Scott was….” He stopped suddenly. “Scott…” He crumbled the paper into a tight ball throwing it against the wall before desperately reaching inside his jacket for his phone. His fingers wouldn’t stop shaking as they frantically traced the keypad. He closed his eyes tightly taking a deep breath. This could not be happening. He exhaled slowly. He was about to hit talk when his phone started ringing in the palm of his hand. “Scott…”

“Scott we’ve got major problems here, Man.” He informed him, not bothering to say hello. He placed his free hand on his waist and started pacing the hall. “What the fuck happened, Sco-...”

Scott interrupted him before he could finish, stopping him dead in his tracks. “Are you. Fuckin kidding me!?” He spat. He pinched the bridge of his nose totally flabbergasted. “No…No. I believe you.” He insisted. “I just don’t believe it.” He voiced as he continued to pace the hall, stopping every so often at the locked door. “Well, we’re a little late for that. He already knows.” He sighed exhaustedly dragging his hand down his chin. “No. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” He admitted, while listening as Scott tried to explain what happened in detail. “I've gotta go…” He said feeling sick to his stomach. “Oh and Scott…Thanks again.” He walked over the door calling out to Kaleb once more, but to no avail. He scratched behind his ear contemplatively, scanning his contacts again.

~*~*~*~

Chase jumped to his feet as soon as he heard the intercom. He gave the door attendant permission to allow his guest up tapping impatiently as he waited. “It’s about damn time. What took you so long?” He questioned his brother, stepping aside, allowing him in.

“I was in the middle of something.” He stressed bouncing his brows suggestively. Chase just shook his head.

“He’s in there.” He pointed to the locked door.

“Is it safe?” Carter tilted his head while scratching behind his ear.

“I think so.” Chase replied taking a deep breath. “He’s just really upset and he’s taking it pretty hard.” He explained with a forlorn glance. “I’m going to head out.”

“What are you going to do?”

Chase frowned as he eyed the locked door. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “Take care of him.”

“Don’t worry, little brother.” Carter said giving Chase an encouraging pat on the back.

“Thanks….”

Carter watched his brother close the door behind him and sighed. He twisted his lips, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Hey, Kaleb…” He called out softly as he walked over to the bedroom door. “Wanna hear the one about…”