Shades of Gray - 16. Chapter 16 Lilly Was Here...

Kaleb stood back with Lilly held tightly in his arms waiting patiently as Chase juggled the packages in his arms, shifting them so he could unlock the door.

"I don't think you needed to buy so much stuff.” He said as he managed to insert the key into the lock.

"Well, she needed it.” Kaleb replied smiling warmly at the baby now sleeping peacefully.

"I'm just saying.” Chase said as he stepped aside allowing Kaleb to enter first.

"Hey, it sounded like someone was trying to break in.” Carter laughed as he met them at the door. He was finishing off a fun sized pack of 'Smarties' from the party last night. “I thought I was gonna have to get my gun, then I remembered I don't have a...Whoa...” He stepped back wide-eyed. "What's all this?” He nodded to his brother whom was loaded down with shopping bags. "Who's this?” He pointed to the bundle in Kaleb's arms.

"Kaleb went shopping.” Chase replied as he sidestepped his brother and headed toward the kitchen.

"And this is Lilly.” Kaleb announced following close behind Chase.

"…Wait! That's a baby.” He pointed out in astonishment as he followed them into the kitchen.

"How ingenious of you.” Chase sighed as he struggled to untangle himself from the mounds of bags. Lilly started to stir at hearing the unfamiliar voice and slowly opened her bright brown eyes. Her full lips made the perfect bow as she sighed through a sleepy yawn.

"Hey, Lilly.” Kaleb smiled as he propped her up in his arms. She cooed happily upon recognizing the pale blue eyes staring down at her.

"Where did you steal this precious little thing from?” Carter asked, as he played with her little feet clearly fascinated with how small they were.

"She's from the shelter.” Chase answered as he opened the refrigerator and pulled out two beers.

"From the shelter?” He asked with knitted brows. "Thanks.” He said as he reached for the can.

"Her mother is.... Dead.” Kaleb whispered as he shifted Lilly in his arms.

"Really?"

"Yeah.” Chase replied sadly, as he pulled the tab on the can before turning it up to his mouth.

"Damn....” Carter sighed shaking his head.

"She was at the party last night too.” Kaleb offered.

"Shit, are you serious?” Carter asked in disbelief. Kaleb nodded and frowned before kissing Lilly on the top of the head. "Wow...” He replied as he opened his beer. "How did you end up with her?"

"Don't ask?” Kaleb ducked his head shyly.

"Kaleb did a standoff.” Chase teased.

"A standoff?” Carter parroted.

"Yeah...” Chase laughed as he took a drink. "An old fashioned standoff. He actually held her hostage."

"I did not.” Kaleb objected. He pouted as he made his way over the bags on the kitchen table.

"Bull shit.” Chase swallowed.

"Don't curse in front of the baby.” Kaleb chided while quickly covering Lilly’s ears.

"Like she knows what he's saying.” Carter chuckled as he chugged his beer.

"She might.” Kaleb countered. "You too, potty mouth. We don’t want to teach her bad habits."

"Whatever.” Carter laughed. "So what are you doing with her?” He swallowed hard. "Are you keeping...?”

"No.” Chase answered quickly before his brother could finish his question, which granted him a disapproving glare from Kaleb.

"Okayyy...” Carter held up his hand in defense finding humor in his brother's reaction.

"I want to keep her.” Kaleb said softly.

"Why don't you?” Carter asked as he tossed the empty can in the trash.

"Carter!?"

"What?” He defended. "I think Kaleb would make a great father.” He stated honestly while reaching for Lilly. "Can I?"

"Sure.” Kaleb beamed proudly as he handed her over. He stood back and watched keenly as Carter talked gibberish to Lilly, inciting shrill giggles from the little tot.

"You're good with her.” Kaleb observed admiringly.

"Yeah...” Chase agreed. "I didn't even know you liked kids."

"Are you kidding, I love kids.” Carter admitted as he continued to play with Lilly. "Hell, I might have a few out there myself."

"Wow...I never knew that.” His brother voiced with surprise. "I might be an uncle.” He joked.

"Ummm...Looks like I might be one if Kaleb has any say. Ain't that right Lilly?” Carter teased.

*Cough...Choke…Cough*

Chase choked on the beer he was attempting to swallow spraying it all over the kitchen.

"Heyyyy....” Kaleb ducked using his hand to shield his face.

"I'm sorry...” Chase managed to say while gasping for air, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"What's got you all choked up?” Carter laughed boisterously. "Anyway, guys. I have a date tonight.” He announced as he handed Lilly back to Kaleb. "If I'm lucky I won't be home tonight... so don't wait up.” He bounced his brows suggestively.

"Don't you mean if you get lucky?” Chase corrected jokingly.

"I wouldn't be making jokes if I were you.” He quipped. "You definitely won't be getting lucky, not tonight anyway.” He nodded to Kaleb and the baby as he made his exit. Kaleb was so preoccupied with digging through the bag of clothes he bought for Lilly that Carter's snide remark went right over his head, but not Chase's.

He grabbed another beer from the fridge and popped the tab. He rested his back against the counter, casually crossing one leg over the other. As he took a sip he watched Kaleb with Lilly, and he had to admit he was perfect with her. He chuckled softly as Kaleb excitedly showed Lilly her new clothes. But what really made him laugh was that Lilly responded as if she actually knew what was going on. If it was something she liked she clapped her little chubby hands together before putting them in her mouth. If she didn't she blew raspberries as if on cue, causing Kaleb to laugh as well. Chase knew he was being ridiculous, but he enjoyed playing the little game in his mind, but mostly he enjoyed watching them together.

"Look, Chase, watch this.” Kaleb laughed excitedly as he and Lilly played their little game.

"I see...” Chase smiled as he pushed himself away from the counter. “I’ll tell you what.” He sat his beer aside and made his way over to Lilly and his boyfriend. “Why don’t you go give Lilly a bath? Put her on one of those cute baby bodysuit thingies that you bought her, while I throw some burgers on the ‘Jen Air’ grill.” Chase suggested as he draped his arm around Kaleb’s shoulder and placed a tender kiss on his neck.

“O…o...Okaayyy…” Kaleb agreed breathlessly, trying to shake off the chill, which ran down his spine. “Come on, Lilly.” He said as he hoisted her upon his shoulder. “Let’s go get you a bath, make you a bottle, and put you to bed. I have to spend time with my boyfriend.” He explained as he kissed her chubby cheek. He grabbed a couple of bags, which contained baby toiletries, diapers, nightwear, and soft cozy blankets, off the table and padded out of the kitchen.

Chase couldn’t hide the adoring smile that crept onto his lips as he watched them. ‘Who would have thought?’ He combed his fingers through his hair and sighed contentedly. Thinking how in just a few months, his life had taken a 360-degree turn and it actually felt good. They say a man’s home is his Castle…his Sanctuary and truer words were never spoken. With Kaleb, he could just be himself. He could come home after a long day at the office, throw on a pair of sweats, order take out and watch sports, with Kaleb curled up by his side.

There was no pressure…no pressure to go to pretentious parties with people he couldn’t stand. To rub elbows with the “Who’s Who,” of Chicago. Chase was good at what he did. He was one of the best, and he put in long, hard hours to get there, but when it was all said and done… at the end of the day, he just wanted to be himself. He understood the holidays were coming up and he would have to attend a few gatherings; make an appearance as Scott used to say, but that was about it. He knew having Kaleb by his side would make it easier to get through. Kaleb was indeed his simplicity even if he was a little complicated.

“I’m out.” Carter’s voice pulled him from his thoughts.

“Oh…okay.” He smiled glancing back over his shoulder as he turned on the grill. He reached into the freezer and pulled out a couple of pre-patted sirloin burgers made fresh from the local meat market down the street.

“What you cooking tonight?” Carter asked as he stepped inside the kitchen. He grabbed Chase’s beer off the counter and took a sip.

“Just about to throw some burgers on the grill.” He answered as he unwrapped the patties. “Who’s the lucky woman?”

“This chick I met at the gym, she seems pretty cool. Nothing serious though.” He added while gulping down the rest of his brother’s beer before sitting the can back on the counter. “Where’s Kaleb and Lilly?” He asked through a loud burp.

“He went to give her a bath.”

“Oh…”

“Look, Carter.” Chase scratched behind his ear glancing over his brother’s shoulder before speaking. “Don’t encourage this thing with the baby.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Kaleb can’t keep her and saying things like ‘He would make a good father and he should keep her,’ just makes matters worse. Makes it harder for him when he has to give her up…you understand?”

“I understand.” Carter replied. “I understand completely. And…I honestly feel Kaleb would make a great father. I saw how he was with the kids at dad's funeral and last night at the party. He’s totally amazing with them…and they love him.” He shrugged casually.

“I know. And, you’re right, he’s amazing. I’ve been saying that all along. It’s just; he doesn’t need to take on that responsibly right now.”

“Who says…You?” Carter questioned accusingly. “Because, Lil bro, he thinks he’s ready and that’s all that matters…right?” He eyed him with an arched brow.

“If we were dealing with a different situation…maybe, but.”

“Oh, little brother of mine.” Carter shook an accusing finger at Chase, laughing humorlessly. “You sound like his controlling ‘Mommy Dearest,’ I keep hearing about.”

“That’s not true.” Chase defended in a huff. “I’m nothing like his mother. Don’t insult me like that.”

“I’m not trying to, Chase, all I’m saying is, let him decide. You, yourself said he’s capable of more than people give him credit for. And with your support he’ll be fine.”

“That’s just it.” Chase sighed. “I love him. I do.” He admitted. His tone now softer, as he walked toward the door. Carter narrowed his eyes as he watched him. Chase peeked around the corner making sure they were still alone before he continued. “Can I be totally honest with you?”

“Always…”

Chase took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “As sad as it sounds, Kaleb is the first guy I’ve felt completely comfortable with. Someone who I wanted to spend all my time with. I get totally lost in him.” He admitted as he made his way back over to the grill. “I thought Lance was the one for me, but…” He let the statement hang. “I want to travel with him, show him stuff. Share everything with him. I love the sparkle in his eyes when he experiences new things…with me.” He stressed pointing to himself. Carter nodded every so often as he listened intently to his brother. “I love kids too.” He smiled. “I want some of my own one day. I’ve even thought about us, together… that way.” He pressed his lips together tightly. “But not right now.” He ducked his head sadly. “I’m not ready to share him. We are just getting into our own little groove.” He rested his back against the counter. “Is that selfish?” He winched fearing the answer.

“It is…” Carter replied. “But I understand.” He replied as he walked toward his brother. “That’s how life is….when you least expect it… BAM! Expect it. If someone had told me two years ago, I wouldn’t be playing ball. That I’d be without a contract… and a job. Living on my brother’s sofa, I would have called them a liar.” He confessed sadly. He rested his hand on his brother’s shoulder and forced a smile. “In the little time I’ve known Kaleb, he seems to be pretty sharp, despite the mental thing he’s got going on. I suggest you pick your battles wisely Lil brother.” He encouraged sincerely, giving him two short pats on the shoulder. Chase nodded reflectively as his brother turned to walk away. Carter stopped suddenly and smiled. “I’ve been gone a long time, but I’m glad to be back. I’ve missed my little brother, not to mention you need me around here.” He winked slyly.

“Yeah…” Chase chuckled softly as he picked up his beer. “Ugh, Carter…Damn.” He sighed giving it a little shake before tossing the empty can in the trash.

~*~*~

The fall nights could be just a little chilly in the wee hours. The sound of the central heat clicking on caused Chase to stir. He turned over on his side adjusting himself under the covers as he reached for Kaleb’s sleeping form beside him.

His eyes opened quickly wide as he felt the soft pint sized body snuggling up against him. He smiled sleepily as the scent of fresh baby formula on Lilly’s breath tickled his nostrils. He almost forgot she was sharing their bed for the night. He scooted her over and pushed himself up, resting on his elbow as he peered over her little form to find the other side of the bed empty.

“Kaleb?” He called above a whisper careful not to wake her. He carefully eased out of bed pulling the covers over Lilly. He gathered the pillows around her little body to keep her from falling off the bed, before going to look for Kaleb.

His silhouette was perfect in every dimension, radiating against the high moon light. Aside from the humming of the heat piping through the vents overhead, the room was silent. Chase padded up behind Kaleb wrapping his arms around him gently pulling him back against him. Kaleb sighed contentedly as he rested his back against Chase’s chest accepting the comfort his arms provided. They stood there for a moment, neither saying a word as they enjoyed the molding of their bodies becoming one.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Chase asked quietly as he brushed his lips lightly over Kaleb’s neck.

“Uh uh.” Kaleb replied as he rested his head against Chase’s shoulder.

“You’ve taken on a major task, baby; I can see why you are stressed.”

“It’s not that.” Kaleb explained as he turned around in Chase’s arms, his pale blue eyes now looking up at his boyfriend. “It’s just I feel bad for Lilly.”

“I know…” Chase nodded slowly.

“Her mother is gone and never coming back to get her…ever. She could end up lost in the system shuffled around from home to home until someone takes her in…or not.” He frowned. “She’s such a beautiful baby…”

“She is…” Chase agreed. “I’m sure if no family shows up to claim her, they won’t have trouble placing her in a loving home.”

“Did you know she has two little teeth coming in?” Kaleb asked changing the subject.

“Ummm…yeah.” Chase laughed. “I felt them when she was nibbling on my chin.”

“She’s pulling up and trying to stand too.” Kaleb exclaimed proudly.

“I know…”

“You know how you say I make you feel good?” He asked casually.

“Yeah…”

“That’s how she makes me feel. It’s like she trust me.” He smiled. “When her little eyes beam up at me, all she sees is me. Just Kaleb. She doesn’t see Kaleb the retarded kid…”

“Kaleb?!” Chase chastised him. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Chase, I may be dumb, but I’m not blind or deaf.” He countered. “I see the way people look at me. I hear the whispers.”

“You are one of the smartest persons I know.” Chase replied adamantly. “Not to mention beautiful. You get away with things just on your looks alone. With me anyway.” He added through a soft chuckle.

“I can’t help this thing going on inside my head… It doesn’t hurt it’s just there”

“It makes you who you are.” Chase interrupted him again. “And, honestly I wouldn’t want you any other way. It’s what makes you special…and not the “short” yellow school bus special either.”

“Good. Because I never rode the yellow school bus. As a matter of fact I never rode a bus at all.” He added thoughtfully. “I had a driver take me to school. Then I went to a private school.”

“See…” Chase laughed. “That’s what I’m talking about, right there.”

“What?”

“You…you are soooo you.”

“Lilly likes me that way.”

“So do I…”

“She needs me.”

“I need you too,” Chase admitted honestly. “More than you know, Kaleb.”

“But she needs me in a different way. She needs me to care for her…To protect her. You can take care of yourself. She can’t.”

“And she’s lucky to have you care for her…we both are.” Chase replied as he kissed Kaleb’s shoulder.

“Why can’t I keep her?” He asked as he repositioned himself in Chase’s arm so he was facing the window gazing out over the Chicago Skyline.

“Well….” Chase paused trying to formulate the right words so that Kaleb could understand. “Number one, there’s a legal system in place. A protocol has to be followed. Lilly has family out there somewhere and until they step forward and claim her, the state will care for her. Find her a foster home.”

“But you said yourself we don’t even know where Tamika is from.”

“I know. Her death will be listed in the paper and hopefully someone will see it and step forward.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Social Services will take care of Lilly.”

“So they will put her in a foster home until when? Will anyone ever be able to adopt her?”

“Every situation is different…Wait what are you thinking?”

“But she can go into a foster home in the meantime…right?” Kaleb asked intentionally not replying to Chase’s question.

“Yes…but they have families already approved to accept kids, so I’m sure she’ll be moved rather quickly.” Chase explained. Kaleb sighed as he turned around in Chase’s embrace. His eyes were full of sadness.

“Kiss me…” He said breathlessly. “Please.”

Chase tightened his arms around Kaleb and pulled him close. Their faces mere inches apart. He could feel Kaleb’s warm breath against his mouth before their lips touched. He loved the way Kaleb received him. His faint gasps and shallow moans as they kissed left Chase weak and breathless. Kaleb held on tightly, willingly turning himself over to his lover. Chase’s tongue entered Kaleb’s mouth without resistance, enjoying the warm velvet softness inside. There was no fighting here. Their lips molded perfectly together as their tongues shared control.

“Mmmm….” Kaleb moaned as he pulled back only to breathe. He ran his tongue over his bruised lips before demanding more. “I want more. I want to feel you inside me.” His dark raspy voice whispered through bated breath. He lowered himself to the floor bringing Chase down with him. “I don’t want to think anymore…I just want to feel.” He parted his lips allowing Chase’s tongue to enter once more.

Theirs was a need, unlike the other’s they’ve shared. Kaleb desperately needed Chase, to forget and Chase felt the need to provide. Without breaking the kiss, Chase scooted their bodies over to the sofa resting his back against it.

Their heated gazes locked as Kaleb straddled his lover’s body. He pulled on the drawstring untying the knot that held the fabric loosely around his waist. He rose up on his knees and in a swift maneuver untangled himself from the confines of his clothing. He watched in anticipation as Chase did the same.

His head shifted backwards and his eyes rolled back in his head as he lowered his body on top of Chase’s. He moaned softly as he felt Chase carefully ease inside him. Inch by inch Kaleb slowly lowered his body down, hovering until he adjusted to Chase’s hardened form. This was the best part of all, the feeling of being alive, enjoying the fullness Chase’s provided. Kaleb draped his arms loosely around Chase’s back and shoulders as they shared a searing passionate kiss. The soft, moistness of Chase’s lips and tongue heightened the already amazing sensation his body was experiencing. Chase cupped Kaleb’s butt with the palm of his hands controlling the speed and depth of his thrusts. Their rhythm was perfect as they moved in sync, each stroke complimenting the other.

It was as if the stars above smiled down on the young lovers, approving of their union by shinning its celestial lights upon them. They were lost in each other’s want…each other’s need, closed off from the rest of the world, like being at a private screening of a provocative film, and they were the stars.

~*~*~

He made his way down the hall, yawning sleepily as the aroma of fresh coffee attacked his senses. He smiled combing his fingers through his messy hair as he heard the sound of Lilly’s small voice echoing down the hall.

“Morning…” He smiled as he entered the kitchen.

“Hey…” Kaleb returned the smile as he continued to fold Lilly’s little clothes, while she played on the floor with his feet. Kaleb was distracting her with a little game of catch the toes. He wiggled his toes keeping them from her grasp as she tried to catch them. Her laughter was warm and contagious, something even Chase had to admit he could get used to.

Lilly sat up on her diaper cad bottom putting her hands into her mouth as she searched out the other familiar voice.

“Hey, Lilly.” Chase waved as he stepped further into the kitchen. She clapped her hands together before crawling toward him. He squatted down and waited till she reached him before scooping her into his arms. “How are you this morning?” He smiled into her big brown eyes. She cooed before placing her fingers into his mouth.

“There’s coffee.” Kaleb nodded as he continued his task.

“Oh…” Chase chuckled softly as he mauled playfully on Lilly’s little fingers that were still inside his mouth. “How long have you been up?” He asked as he shifted Lilly in his arm before pulling out the chair and sitting down across from him.

“For a while.” Kaleb replied as he stuffed the clothes into the bag. “She woke up early, so I made her a bottle and made your coffee.”

“Thanks…” Chase smiled as he sat Lilly on the table. He held her steady so she wouldn’t fall. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Okay…I guess.” Kaleb shrugged as he pushed himself up from the table. He walked over to the counter grabbing a cup to pour Chase some coffee. “Here, black, no sugar or cream. Just the way you like it.” He said as he set the cup down out of Lilly’s reach.

“Thank you.”

“Can you hold onto her while I shower?”

“Sure. We’ll be fine. Won’t we Lilly?” He said in a soft animated tone as he bounced the baby on the table.

“Ha…” Lilly smiled a toothless grin as she the stuffed her hand into her mouth.

“Okay…” Kaleb smiled while playing with the pink Velcro bow he placed in her hair. It matched the pink and brown polka dot corduroy jumper he bought her. “I’ll be ready to go soon.” He stated sadly.

“Okay…” Chase turned his face up and puckered his lips. He moaned approvingly as he felt Kaleb’s lips brush against his. “I love you…you know.”

“I know…” Kaleb replied. “I shouldn’t be long.” He promised as he exited the kitchen.

Chase smiled as he watched Kaleb turn the corner. He waited till he was sure the coast was clear. He pushed himself up from the table and carefully placed Lilly on the floor. “Go make sure he’s gone.” He instructed the little tyke. Lilly sat up clapping her hands playfully before crawling toward the door. “I’m gonna make some real coffee.” He chuckled as he hurriedly poured the coffee down the drain. “How was your milk? Do you need me to doctor it up for you?” He snickered as he made a fresh pot of coffee.

~*~*~

It felt as if someone was tearing his heart right out of his chest, one valve at a time...mercilessly. It hurt so bad. Her little hands opening and closing beckoning him to take her back into his safe embrace as she chanted the only words she knew..."Da... Da... Da... Da.” Hearing the sounds of her desperate cries getting louder and louder as they took her into the other room was sheer torture. He was sure of it, as sure as he knew his own name. She needed him as much as he needed to be needed by her.

"Don't cry Lilly...Please don't cry.” He pleaded as he felt Chase take him into his arms. He buried his face against his chest to hide his own tears as he sobbed between the layers of clothing.

"It's going to be okay.” Chase promised as he traced soothing circles over Kaleb's back. He knew it was going to be hard for Kaleb to say good-bye, but not like this. Kaleb's agonizing cries broke his heart.

Kaleb lifted his head using the back of his hand to wipe away the tears that streaked his face. He shook his head slowly. "It's not going to be okay, Chase. They don't know her...she don't know them.” He sniffed.

"I know, baby, but this is their job. They do this all the time. Trust me. She's in good hands.” Chase tried to assure him, but to no avail.

"Lilly's not just a job. She's a person...with feelings.” He whined even as the tears continued to brim his blood shot eyes. His bright pale blue eyes had faded into a dark crimson. "I was just starting to get that rash cleared up.” He said faintly as he glanced back over his shoulder. They could still hear her muffled cries from down the hall. "I can't take this.” He put hands over his ears. "I just can't.” He exclaimed as he ran out of the office with Chase following close on his heels.

Lilly and Kaleb's relationship didn’t just develop over night. He had been taking care of her along with the rest of the children in the nursery for the past few months so he did indeed know her, and she knew him too.

The shelter provided temporary lodging for the women and children while they transitioned into living on their own. Each situation was different and the length of stay varied. Lilly and her mother had been living at the shelter for at least a few months before she died, so Kaleb had become attached to the little girl.

"Kaleb?! Wait!” Chase called out as he ran after him. Kaleb kept running down the hall till he got to a door with the 'Exit' sign above it. He burst through the door that led to the stairwell, taking two stairs at a time. By the time Chase caught up with him, Kaleb had reached the car. He yanked and yanked frustratedly on the door handle in an effort to open it. He wanted to get away from there as fast as possible. Leaving Lilly hurt too bad. He knew if he didn't leave now, he would march right in there and take her again, only this time Chase might not be able to convince him to give her back.

"I've got to go...” He yelled trying to hide his face as he continued to yank on the door handle.

"Kaleb?!...stop.” Chase demanded. "You're going to pull your arm out of its socket.” He warned while trying to catch his breath.

"I need to go, Chase.” He insisted giving the door one tired, effortless, tug. Chase pulled the keys from his pocket depressing the black button that released the lock. Kaleb heard the click and immediately opened the door and jumped inside. Still trying to catch his breath, Chase did the same.

Once inside Chase took one last deep breath before putting the key into the ignition. He gripped the steering wheel tightly and exhaled as he rested his head against it. This was emotionally draining for him as well. He turned his head slightly toward Kaleb sharing a forlorn glance. It pained him to see Kaleb in this state.

Without saying a word or asking for permission, Chase leaned over taking Kaleb into a tight embrace. Holding him as he wept silently. After a few moments, Kaleb lifted his head and shrugged.

"I'm sorry...” He whispered without looking up. Chase released his hold on him slowly bringing his hands to Kaleb's face, cupping it gently. He carefully lifted Kaleb's face to meet his. Even though his face was blotching and tear stained, he was still the most beautiful man Chase had ever laid eyes upon.

So many things ran through his mind as their gazes locked. Kaleb was truly an amazing individual. So honest and sincere with his feelings...about everything actually. He was genuine. There was something about him that pulled Chase in. He gave up trying to understand it, and just accepted it.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” Chase smiled sadly into those trusting eyes staring back at him.

"It's just...” Kaleb sniffed, using the back of his hand to wipe his nose. "She has no one, now.” He said as he glanced toward the empty baby seat in the back. "She needs me.” 'She needs me...’ The words echoed. He sat up, took a deep breath, and smiled. "We better go. Darla will need that seat back.” He reminded Chase while pulling the seat belt over his shoulder.

"Okaayyy...” Chase eyed him dubiously, noticing the drastic shift in his composure. He went from falling apart to totally contained. Chase forced a sideways smile as he buckled his seat belt as well.

"You know, I was thinking, tonight why don't we get all your favorite snacks. Peanuts and jellybeans, cheese popcorn, and lil' smokies drenched in honey barbecue sauce and watch your favorite movie?” Chase suggested bouncing his brows enticingly as he shifted into drive.

"Um...” Kaleb combed his fingers through his bangs allowing the curls to fall back into his eyes. "I think I'm going to go home tonight."

"What?” Chase questioned while trying to keep focused on the road. This bit of news had taken him by surprise. Kaleb had practically been living at his condo since he got back in town. "No hot buttery cheesy popcorn? We can even put extra cheese if you want.” He added attempting to lure him in.

"Thanks, but no. I'm sure Helen misses me. I really should go home.” He declined politely.

"Wait...You're turning down watching 'Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory...the original one, starring Gene Wilder, with yours truly...?” Chase teased pointing to himself. Kaleb pouted feigning disappointment.

"You are mines truly.” Kaleb agreed with a smile. “But, not tonight."

"Wow....” Chase sighed completely dumbfounded. He knitted his brows together tightly and asked cautiously. "Are you okay...I mean I know you're upset about Lilly and all, but...” He stuttered, as the words awkwardly fell from his lips.

"No... I'm fine.” Kaleb replied convincingly with a slight shrug.

"I mean, it's okay if you're upset, Kaleb. You don't have to pretend with me.” He stated sincerely only taking his eyes off the road for a moment. He reached for Kaleb's hand taking it into his own.

"I know. I'm fine...really.” He smiled giving Chase's hand a gentle squeeze. Chase nodded unconvincingly but let the matter go. He had learned to pick his battles as his brother encouraged him. One thing he'd learned early on about his boyfriend was he was a man of conviction. Once his mind was made up, there was no changing it...And that's what concerned him.

Aside from the jazz playing, the rest of the ride was in comfortable silence. Chase couldn't help but notice that Kaleb seemed preoccupied as he dazed absentmindedly out the window.

"Well...” His voice broke the silence. He cut the engine and turned to face Kaleb who was already getting out of the car. Chase pulled the keys from the ignition and hurried out as well. "Kaleb wait...your keys."

"Oh...yeah.” Kaleb rolled his eyes while reaching for them. Chase dropped the keys in the palm of his hand and tilted his head slightly trying to make eye contact. "Thanks...” Kaleb smiled. As he was about to walk away Chase reached for him.

"Wait...” Chase gently grabbed him by the arm. "Are you upset with me?"

"No...” Kaleb replied as he eyed Chase’s hand.

"Are you sure? I mean, it seems like something's off.” He voiced with concern as he released Kaleb's arm.

"It is off. I’m sad I had to give Lilly to those strangers. I’m worried about her, and I'm tired."

"Okay...” Chase smiled sadly. "Are you sure you don't want to come over tonight? I can give you a back rub and we can try that position on page 132.” He smiled seductively.

"I'm sure. Spend some time with your brother. I'm sure he's tired of seeing me."

"That's not true.” Chase counted. “He knows how much you mean to me. How much I love having you around. My place feels like home with you in it.” Chase admitted honestly.

“Thank you.” Was Kaleb’s only reply leaving Chase feeling a little cold.

“You’re welcome…” Chase laughed humorlessly. “I guess.”

“Well. I better get inside and open the nursery.” Kaleb stated before turning to walk away. “Oh I’ll have one of the guys come out and take the car seat out of the car. We wouldn’t want you snapping off your fingers.” He giggled lightly as he remembered the trouble Chase had securing it in the car.

“Okay…”

“Oh and Chase…”

“Yeah…”

“I love you.” He placed his fingers to his lips and blew him a kiss before waving good-bye.

Chase smiled softly as he chewed on his lower lip. “I love you back.” He waved as he watched Kaleb walk toward the building.

“And we can try page 132 tomorrow night…” Kaleb promised.

Chase chuckled as he inhaled deeply watching Kaleb disappeared inside the building. He shook his head reflectively. “There’s something going on in that handsome head of yours I just know it…but what are you thinking Kaleb?” Chase asked himself.

The day progressed at a snail’s pace. Chase was productive despite the fact that his mind was preoccupied with Kaleb, and Lilly. Usually they would meet for lunch or at least talk on the phone if they couldn’t get together due to their busy schedules, but not today. Today he hadn’t heard from Kaleb at all…not since he dropped him off this morning.

He chastised himself for being so clingy…so needy. But truth was as he confessed last night, he needed Kaleb. So without hesitation he grabbed his cell phone, scanned his contacts, and hit talk. He tapped his fingers on the desk impatiently as he waited for an answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Darla. Chase Montgomery here. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Chase. And yourself?”

“Good…good.” He smiled. “Look I was calling to check on Kaleb. He was pretty upset this morning and I didn’t want to hover, but…”

“You wanted to see how he was doing without feeling like a father hen.” Darla laughed.

“Yeah…” Chase laughed in spite of himself. “So how’s he holding up?”

“Well…” Darla paused for a moment. “He’s taking this whole thing pretty hard. As you know he was with Watson, when he found her.”

“Yeah…I know. I was actually surprised he took that so well. I mean he didn’t seem too shaken by it. I think he went into protective mode with Lilly which probably helped in that respect.”

“I think you’re right. The moms all chipped in and offered to help run the daycare when he left this morning.”

“What? He left…what do you mean?” Chase questioned trying to maintain his composure.

“Yeah…He came in about an hour after he got here and asked if we could manage without him for the day…Wait you didn’t know?”

“Ummm…Shit.” He said more to himself. “You know what. I forgot he said he was going to leave early.” He hoped he sounded convincing. “I’m just so busy…you know.”

“Yeah…” Darla agreed. “Well, give him a hug for me and tell him I’ll see him in the morning.”

“I will…’As soon as I find him…’ He said under his breath. “Take it easy Darla. And Darla thanks for being so patient with him.”

“Are you kidding me? Kaleb is the best thing this shelter has seen…ever. He gets whatever he needs to get through this. I don’t want to lose him.” She stressed adamantly.

“Me either.” He mumbled under his breath.

“I’m sorry…”

“Nothing.” He covered quickly. “Talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Chase…”

Chase sighed as he closed the phone, gripping it tightly in his fist. He tapped it thoughtfully against his temple. “Where the hell are you Kaleb, and more importantly why haven’t you called me?”

~*~*~Mean while…

“It’s perfect.” He smiled as he glanced around the room. “I’ll take it.”

“Wonderful. It is a lovely place. But are you sure you don’t want to sleep on it... you know think about it over night?”

“I have thought about it…all night. It’s what I want to do.”

“Okay then…right this way and we'll get the process started.”