The Loving Relationship

[MikeL]

This is not a 12-step plan. It is a set of actions and attitudes intended to improve loving relationships between any two people. It applies to gay couples as well as to straights, married or not. Give them a try.

--------------------

1. Never both be angry at the same time.

 

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

 

3. Yield to the wishes of the other as an exercise in self-control, if you can't think of a better reason.

 

4. If you have a choice between making yourself or your partner look good, choose your partner.

 

5. If you feel you must criticize, do so lovingly.

 

6. Never bring up a mistake of the past.

 

7. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.

 

8. Never let the day end without saying at least one complementary thing to your partner.

 

9. Never meet without an affectionate greeting.

 

10. When you make a mistake, talk it out and ask for forgiveness.

 

11. Remember, it takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong is the one who will be doing most of the talking.

 

12. Never go to bed mad.

--------------------

I've been thinking of posting this for a while; I'm doing so now because I know a couple who could benefit. I wish them and you peace and love.

 

Your comments are welcome.

[Former Member]

12. Never go to bed mad.

 

As Maxine would say "Stay Up all night and plot your revenge"

 

So true communication is key, it takes 2 make it work and 2 to break it.

[Sir Galahad]

I do all of these things. Perfect boyfriend that I am!!

[old bob]

Hi Mike, what a wonderful list, but not so easy to fulfill!

Looking back on a journey of 57 years with my wife, I tried to remember if my actions and attitudes did follow your advices. My scale was:

For the points beginning with never (points 1, 2, 6, 8, 9 and 12): 1 for

[Phantom]

I read this and it's really good. It has a lot of basic concepts that anyone in a relationship/marriage/partnership/etc. should follow.

 

I also showed this to Matt the other night, and we both agreed that we should follow some of these because as always you can't follow everything verbatim (you always should have a little maneuvering room in a relationship when it comes to issues that affect both parties).

 

Always remember this though, in a relationship, it will always have ups and downs. The most important thing is to remember to work through the problems and talk about things, no matter how painful it might be. If it's a issue that'll bring about a heated debate/argument, do it in an open and public place (it'll sometimes work out that you don't start screaming at each other).

 

Anywho... just remember to read this whenever you want some advice, it helps out a lot

 

Eric

[DragonFire]

Yeah they are very good points, but in the last days of my last relationship we broke about 10 of those daily!

[Drewbie]

Most I agree with and makes sense cept 2, very hard not to fight in the house.

[AFriendlyFace]

Most I agree with and makes sense cept 2, very hard not to fight in the house.

#2 is probably the one that stands out the most to me:

 

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

 

I think this is very important, at least I know it's very important to me. I can deal with disagreements till the cows come home and I'm fine with people expressing their hurt and anger by talking about it, or even pouting if talking isn't possible. However, as soon as someone yells at me I get really angry and hurt and pretty much shut down. It also feels like a major violation of trust to me.

 

I suppose a lot of it is personal expression style. When I'm angry, beyond the point of being able to continue talking about it rationally, I become really icy and sarcastic. I can in turn deal with that from other people (not that it's a good thing at all; it certainly isn't). I don't do the yelling thing and when other people do it freaks me out big time and my respect and trust for that person suffers a major blow.

[Krista]

I've been guilty of disobeying a few of those, but they really are good things to keep in mind when in a relationship.

[DragonFire]

I've been guilty of disobeying a few of those, but they really are good things to keep in mind when in a relationship.

The difficulty comes when you're actually in a situation; I think these rules go out the window in the heat of the moment. Besides, I think it's healthy to have a good yell now and again...or maybe I'm just weird!

[old bob]

.....Besides, I think it's healthy to have a good yell now and again...

I agree, I use it often in my business life, but never at home with my wife .

[DragonFire]

I agree, I use it often in my business life, but never at home with my wife .

[Nods head sagely] Under threat of severe beating from said wife I take it?

[Former Member]

Came across this 1 today , Made me go AWWW!

 

 

We come to love; not by finding a perfect person ,

but by learning to love an imperfect person perfectly

[MikeL]

We come to love; not by finding a perfect person ,

but by learning to love an imperfect person perfectly

Thanks, Mathieu. That's a beautiful sentiment.

[Krista]

Came across this 1 today , Made me go AWWW!

 

 

We come to love; not by finding a perfect person ,

but by learning to love an imperfect person perfectly

 

 

You're going to be such the lover when you get out of your A-sexual phase.

[MikeL]

Many thanks to those of you who commented on this topic. To date, 215 have read the topic, so hopefully it has been of some help to a number of people.

 

I wish you peace and love and hope you never have to choose between the two.