poetry Poetry Prompt 2 - HAIKU

[Parker Owens]

Does This Count?

 

Silver silken snow

reflects the waning crescent

moon and every star

 

while smooth crystal drifts

whisper hot humid secrets

of bodies on grass.

 

Not sure if this properly responds to the prompt. But I liked it, anyhow.

[AC Benus]

Does This Count?

 

Silver silken snow

reflects the waning crescent

moon and every star

 

while smooth crystal drifts

whisper hot humid secrets

of bodies on grass.

 

Not sure if this properly responds to the prompt. But I liked it, anyhow.

So, Parker, you ask about fulfilling the prompt challenge... The main point is to include seasonal words in both Haiku, which 'snow' and 'grass' achieve. The challenge asks to be seasonal, and it seems both are about winter (although summer, via 'grass,' is the theme of the second one). For the indoor/urban-sight version, I can see the image of 'smooth crystal drifts' and 'hot humid secrets' as a frosty windowpane with someone breathing on it in torrid thoughts of summer.

 

So I think you have met the challenge quite well. Don't you think...?

Edited January 7, 2016 by AC Benus

[Parker Owens]

I thought it might - but there was nothing explicitly urban in either one. Besides, I wasn't sure if two-verse haiku were allowed.

[AC Benus]

I thought it might - but there was nothing explicitly urban in either one. Besides, I wasn't sure if two-verse haiku were allowed.

The prompt asks for two, so I read them as separate. Plus, the 'urban' request was half of a choice: either a Haiku inspired by an indoor sight, or an urban one. Seems to me you did indoor.  

[Parker Owens]

Thanks for your input and commentary. Strangely enough, I was thinking of an outdoor setting - skiing in the predawn hours, and the snow whispering its secrets to me as I glide along...

[AC Benus]

Thanks for your input and commentary. Strangely enough, I was thinking of an outdoor setting - skiing in the predawn hours, and the snow whispering its secrets to me as I glide along...

That's the great thing about poetry - it's all in the interpretation! 

[totallyy]

another: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/totallyy/rhymes/22 

i realise i'm loving this style a lot.

[AC Benus]

another: https://www.gayauthors.org/story/totallyy/rhymes/22 

i realise i'm loving this style a lot.

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge! I like the message of your poem, and I left a review on the posting. 

[Emi GS]

Hello guys. Finally I read and understood what is a Haiku is and perfected my Haiku which I attempted to write. I hope you guys will like it. And don't forget to review or give any suggestion you thought might be need...

 

Thank You...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/the-eminent-mgk/m_p_mgk/2

[AC Benus]

Hello guys. Finally I read and understood what is a Haiku is and perfected my Haiku which I attempted to write. I hope you guys will like it. And don't forget to review or give any suggestion you thought might be need...

 

Thank You...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/the-eminent-mgk/m_p_mgk/2

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge, Emi! I left you a review

[Emi GS]

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge, Emi! I left you a review

Thanks for review Ben...

Thank you all poets from 'Live-Poets' Forum for their help and suggestions...

[Emi GS]

Okay I can see the last post was mine. But this time, I had taken some serious training and hard work on them I hope you guys will like it...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/the-eminent-mgk/emispoetryprompts/2

[WolfM]

I started reviewing the challenge and figured I'll try writing tomorrow.  Yeah, right.  I had to try this before I'd be able to go to sleep.

 

Foals running in fields

Chasing butterflies like toys

Life of two day olds

 

Surfers by the pier

Riding in that perfect wave

Paddle out once more

[AC Benus]

On 5/22/2017 at 11:54 PM, WolfM said:

I started reviewing the challenge and figured I'll try writing tomorrow.  Yeah, right.  I had to try this before I'd be able to go to sleep.

 

Foals running in fields

Chasing butterflies like toys

Life of two day olds

 

Surfers by the pier

Riding in that perfect wave

Paddle out once more

Both are beautiful in their images! They also make a contrast whereby the second one has the natural stanza flow we should strive for (that is, one thought expressed smoothly across the three lines), while the first one has a hard stop after the second line. Said another way, we can feel the surfers riding and paddling; there is a unity of action there. With the foals, we do see them running and chasing, but then the voice of the poet 'interferes' with the scene. Basho would love the images, but would probably change the last line to be about the animals again; something like "Chasing butterflies like toys; Living a two-day-old life." Sorry to ruin your poem, but I hope you can see what I mean in the example.

 

In the prompt, I talk about the objective and subjective POV, and Basho only wanted to paint scenes where the reader can insert personal emotions based on what they see. In Tanka, the greatness of the form comes from the poet being a part of the verse; with Haiku, the poet is only a medium connecting scene and reader. 

 

The rules of producing a grammatical and smooth flowing poem still apply though (avoid 'haiku-speak' please  ) 

Edited May 24, 2017 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

I don't write many Haiku, but I recently created this rather tongue-in-cheek poem. It does show the 'image only' approach the form should have  

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/topic/41190-live-poets-society-–-a-corner-for-poetry/?do=findComment&comment=682673

 

[WolfM]

9 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Both are beautiful in their images! They also make a contrast whereby the second one has the natural stanza flow we should strive for (that is, one thought expressed smoothly across the three lines), while the first one has a hard stop after the second line. Said another way, we can feel the surfers riding and paddling; there is a unity of action there. With the foals, we do see them running and chasing, but then the voice of the poet 'interferes' with the scene. Basho would love the images, but would probably change the last line to be about the animals again; something like "Chasing butterflies like toys; Living a two-day-old life." Sorry to ruin your poem, but I hope you can see what I mean in the example.

 

In the prompt, I talk about the objective and subjective POV, and Basho only wanted to paint scenes where the reader can insert personal emotions based on what they see. In Tanka, the greatness of the form comes from the poet being a part of the verse; with Haiku, the poet is only a medium connecting scene and reader. 

 

The rules of applying a grammatically sound and smooth flowing poem still apply though (avoid 'haiku-speak' please  ) 

You say things like ruin my poem, I see it at helping me improve I need to work on catching the hard stops. 

[Mikiesboy]

It's cool to watch this process. .. makes me remember how much I still can learn! 

[Parker Owens]

On May 23, 2017 at 2:54 AM, WolfM said:

I started reviewing the challenge and figured I'll try writing tomorrow.  Yeah, right.  I had to try this before I'd be able to go to sleep.

 

Foals running in fields

Chasing butterflies like toys

Life of two day olds

 

Surfers by the pier

Riding in that perfect wave

Paddle out once more

 

Especially like the second of these; yet the metaphor in the first is quite lovely, too...

[FormerMember4]

Ok... this is my attempt at Haiku. The first is for outdoors. The second for urban setting.

Your feedback appreciated @AC Benus

 

A cool ocean breeze 

Navigates the kites in flight 

With colors abound 

 

 

Under intense heat 

Rainbow flags fly high in pride 

In search of freedom

Edited May 24, 2017 by BlindAmbition
Correct last line syllable count.

[Mikiesboy]

1 hour ago, BlindAmbition said:

Ok... this is my attempt at Haiku. The first is for outdoors. The second for urban setting.

Your feedback appreciated @AC Benus

 

A cool ocean breeze 

Navigates the kites in flight 

With colors abound 

 

 

Under intense heat 

Rainbow flags fly high in pride 

In search of freedom

I like them both a lot JP.   I think the second one touches me most because of the meaning within in it!

[FormerMember4]

6 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

I like them both a lot JP.   I think the second one touches me most because of the meaning within in it!

Thank you Tim! I agree with your observation. ❤️❤️

[AC Benus]

On 5/24/2017 at 0:39 PM, BlindAmbition said:

Ok... this is my attempt at Haiku. The first is for outdoors. The second for urban setting.

Your feedback appreciated @AC Benus

 

A cool ocean breeze 

Navigates the kites in flight 

With colors abound 

 

 

Under intense heat 

Rainbow flags fly high in pride 

In search of freedom

I agree that the second one is awesome; lots of meaning in the sight for the reader, and yet the poet does not have to 'tell us.' You show us, which is what Basho wants. 

 

Both poems are great in having seasonal words. Kites for spring; Pride Flags for summer (June). 

 

If I have one little reservation about the kites poem, it would be a feeling that the POV changes midstream. You start us off by having the reader think of the ocean breeze and how it navigates around the kites, but the final line is talking about the kites and not the wind. It's pretty subtle, but if the final line was: "where colors abound" you might be talking about the sky and breeze. I don't know if I'm making sense. With your permission, the poem might be:

 

A cool ocean breeze

Navigates the kites in flight

Where colors abound.

 

Anyway, I really like both of them. You have the method of only painting the scene, the seasonal words, and great soul to boot. Thanks for taking the challenge, and please keep up the good work.  

Edited May 25, 2017 by AC Benus

[AC Benus]

22 hours ago, WolfM said:

You say things like ruin my poem, I see it at helping me improve I need to work on catching the hard stops. 

 

[Mikiesboy]

oh i love this..  

[FormerMember4]

45 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

I agree that the second one is awesome; lots of meaning in the sight for the reader, and yet the poet does have to 'tell us.' You show us, which is what Basho wants. 

 

Both poems are great in having seasonal words. Kites for spring; Pride Flags for summer (June). 

 

If I have one little reservation about the kites poem, it would be a feeling that the POV changes midstream. You start us off by having the reader think of the ocean breeze and how it navigates around the kites, but the final line is taking about the kites and not the wind. It's pretty subtle, but if the final line was: "where colors abound" you might be talking about the sky and breeze. I don't know if I'm making sense. With your permission, the poem might be:

 

A cool ocean breeze

Navigates the kites in flight

Where colors abound.

 

Anyway, I really like both of them. You have the method of only painting the scene, the seasonal words, and great soul to boot. Thanks for taking the challenge, and please keep up the good work.  Your critique is appreciated. Your observation about the first poem understood and well founded. Its amazing how a single word changed the flow and interpretation.