Blogs
Featured Entries
-
Prompt 744 and Prompt 745
By comicfan
Spring is here! Or it is supposed to be in the Northern Hemisphere. So is it inspiring you or do you need a little help? If you need help, might I suggest some new prompts? Prompt 744 – Creative Tag – List of Words Use the following words in a story – a sea shell, a blue blanket, a snowman, a caution sign, and a bench. Prompt 745 – Creative Tag – First Line “I’m so tired of always being the one to apologize.” If you wrote a prompt story feel free to add the connection to it below. Enjoy! Remember to read, write, and comment.- 1 comment
- 31 views
Our community blogs
-
Latest Entry
D/s BDSM
Here we go ladies and gentlemen....a safe place to discuss BDSM....any comment made to this post can/may contain sensitive material. Thanks you!
-
Latest Entry
Colors Of My Soul
This is the powerful, touching story of a young gay man's struggles to survive, beginning as a child in the suburbs of Ohio,
then moving on to the bright lights and big city of New York. Throughout his journey of life, Nick Buchanan encounters some
difficult obstacles, painful hardships, and discovers the ins and outs of show business while trying to make it in an often exciting,
but sometimes devastating world.
After nearly giving up, Nick discovers a new sense of strength and resilience that comes from facing his fears, standing up to
prejudice, and learning what genuine love and respect for himself truly are.
-
- 4
entries - 20
comments - 23,734
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Adventures in Rampaging
So I fell off with my blogging, obviously, but honestly it's for the best. The last few months were important, but would've been unpleasant to read about week by week.
To sum things up:
1) We've moved closer to campus, chopping fifty entire minutes off my commute, which has been game changing.
2) The "we" in question is the sort-of boyfriend I seemed so dead-set on breaking up with in my last entry. I'm not interested in hashing out exactly what all has happened, but it will suffice to say that we radically renegotiated our relationship: we're entirely open; I bear a lot less of the chores/finances/being an adult burden; and I get a lot more alone time. At first he had some issues, but now that I've gotten some distance and seem to be really into him sometimes, and now that he's had some side flings of his own, we are both very, very happy.
3) I was sober for a solid three months, dropped fifteen pounds, and now I'm letting alcohol back into my life, which I'm sure will backfire shortly enough, but for now it's under control.
In short, I can't believe how happy I am. It's weird how I always end up on GA just before making a bunch of life changes. I wonder why that is. I have some ideas, but I can't pin them down entirely.
One of my first acts after redefining my relationship with my non-boyfriend was to go on a complete fucking rampage. I can't believe how many guys I've been getting lately. It feels selfish, immature, and even irresponsible, but I really don't care. I've had nearly four years of suppressing monogamy, and what I've learned is that I really, really, really love guys. It's not just that I like men, it's that I like men in their plurality. I love how much variety there is among men. I would never be satisfied with just one, and as long as my sex drive holds out, I will never agree to monogamy again. I'm having the time of my life.
As a side note, I've also discovered that telling guys I'm on a rampage is a great pick-up line, for whatever reason. As soon as I explain that I'm on a rampage, they want in on it. I think to bottoms it implies a certain kind of sex, so they get all excited. I hope I'm not disappointing them
Tonight was a little sloppy though. Some surfer type guy (this is California) came over, and he was pretty attractive, and we watched most of a movie together before starting to cuddle. I gave him what I thought was really stellar head for a bit, really enjoying myself, and then before finishing, he asks me to cuddle naked with him. I strip to my underwear and we start cuddling. He mentions he's dizzy because he had a few shots earlier. I thought nothing of it until he got up suddenly and vomited powerfully into my sink.
The funny thing about that is that that was the second time those dishes had been vomited upon. One of my friends in the department lives in the same apartments and visits herself upon me sometimes, often after she's had an unclear amount to drink. A few nights ago, she came over, we were talking, and I was fucking around on my phone. I look up at her as she's talking, she casually turns her head to the side, projectile vomits, and then starts to talk to me again as if nothing had happened. I told another friend about it and she called it a "casual side-vom'," which I found funny.
I've gotten a student loan as a living cushion (I don't pay tuition and I get income as an instructor, so it's not so ridiculous), and I'm using part of it to finally get a professional wardrobe. That shopping trip hasn't occurred yet, but I did buy some cute boxer briefs online, and I'm using them as a weight loss incentive. I bought three wonderful pairs. One pair I'm allowed to wear now. Another pair I'm allowed to wear once my weight stays under 162. My favorite pair I'm allowed to wear once I get under 157, around which weight my abs re-emerge. I'm hoping this is a good dieting strategy.
Anyway, things are pretty awesome right now. I hope to keep blogging in the near future, and I hope you're all doing well.
- 4
-
- 39
entries - 405
comments - 54,786
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Forever and a Day
Yes, it has been forever and a day since I added anything to the blog. I feel like one of those co-workers who leaves the office for a new job and promises on their mother's grave they'll stay in touch. Then you only see them when lightning strikes and you're in the same place at the same time and you swear once again you'll stay in touch, but in reality you know the demands of your job will never allow for it. That's a convoluted way of saying, sorry I've been so absent, but I've been crazy busy.
That said, I need to say thank you to GA and Caz Pedroso for nominating Chosen of Honorus for story of the month. Chosen of Honorus was the precursor to The Last Grand Master - the first book in the Champion of the Gods series that DSP Publications is publishing. It was/is the book that jump started my publishing career. I owe a big debt to GA for taking a chance on me and giving me the confidence to push out into the wide literary world.
There is a prequel to Chosen of Honorus - First Love - that is available on the DSP Publications site or you can find a link on my website. If you sign up for my monthly newsletter, there is a link in one of the welcome emails as well. If you want to sign up for my newsletter, you can use this link:
http://GAAQGNewsletter.getresponsepages.com
In addition, if you like Chosen of Honorus, there are now three more books in the series available from DSP Publication and the last book in the series will be released in 2018. Books 1-3 are also on sale now through the end of April. Here is a link to the sale page on my website:http://www.andrewqgordon.com/2017/03/champion-of-the-gods-sale-through-april-30-2017/
Despite what I said above about being the co-worker who left, sometimes a little jolt reminds you of what you're missing. In my case, I realize how much I miss the people I met here. I think if I have time to socialize with fans on Facebook and Twitter, I can use some of that time to come here once a day too. I'm going to do my best to do that. That said, the new set up is going to take me some time to get used to so if I miss your comments, you can always email me - Andrew@andrewqgordon.com. I'm usually very good at responding to emails.
Thank you all again. It's humbling and flattering to realize people haven't forgotten you. It's a very good feeling.
Best regards
AQG
PS In case you forgot what I look like or want to see a new picture of 'lil q (way more likely than wanting to see me) I'll post a few pictures in a few minutes. .
- 39
-
- 5
entries - 57
comments - 2,847
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
If I were gone...
Recent events started me thinking. I have made many good friends online, both here at GA and elsewhere. I would worry if one of them went missing with no warning or explanation.
When SkinnyDragon found about his prognosis, he took the time, something he had precious little of, to fill us in.
I am one of those super organized people. After having to make the arrangements for both my parents, then my father in law, I decided that was something I didn't want my loved ones to have to deal with. When I got a diagnosis of cancer, one of the things I did was a visit to our families choice of funeral directors. We discussed what I wanted and put it all in a file "just in case".
My family is well aware of my membership here, but some would prefer to keep GA a more private part of their life. While speaking with Hugh, (yes we are on a first name basis, we have known each other since highschool) he asked what I thought at the time an odd question, if there were anyone my family might not know about that I would want notified in the event of my death. After discussing it, I gave him the info he needed to get to GA and one of the things he will do when the time comes is post a notice here.
Please friends, consider including info on contacting us in your "when I am gone" stuff. If you are in a position where you would prefer your family not know, reach out to someone you trust. It gives me peace of mind knowing I will not just go poof.
- 5
-
- 19
entries - 58
comments - 8,024
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
I Rest My Case
So, I was fumbling through my stuff, looking for the chip for a wireless mouse for my sister's new laptop when I stumbled upon loads of books I had when I was a 16 year old sausage.
One was filled with prototypes of my story Bffs with the occational weird fairytale-esque stories with talking cats and an angry little prince on rooftops escapades.
But one book hit the feels real hard.
I had kept one notebook filled with my inner feelings and angry thoughts;of those one would expect to see in a teen. The angry verses and hateful phrases were based on the struggles that my family and I experienced some time ago (tho most of my struggles were OF my family). Every page was filled with curses and thoughts of death to all mankind with the occasional sarcastic praise to God's cruel game. At first, I thought it was funny, then disturbing and then it really hit me hard.
The book was completely filled; with only a few more empty pages left. The last entry states my complaint on my seemingly lazy and useless siblings needing the most affection and attention.
With the last few pages left I thought I'd fill for the last time, my thoughts. But this time, instead of angry rants, I drew my conclusion. I simply hushed my former self and assured her that for all the years passed, things have finally gotten better. I assured her that she was capable of loving her family and that now, almost 6 years later, she does; and they her. And assured her that now she is working on a better future and is living comfortably with nice pretty things. I told her that she could now lay her anger to rest and she no longer have the need to despise God. All is well, and hopefully, the future will stay bright. I was finally able to sign the page with my true initials. I was at peace.
- 19
-
- 12
entries - 100
comments - 7,917
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Happy and sad moments-mini-cat's kitten
Around four pm, mini-cat became restless. She wandered around the house and followed me everywhere. Then around ten, she had her first contractions. The first kitten, a large black and white, was born at 11:15. Sadly Alpha was dead by the time it was finally born.
The second (Bravo) came an hour later. It was barely alive and we quickly cut the umbilical cord and rubbed it dry with a towel. For a short time, we thought we would lose it too, but it got stronger when we fed it with dry milk for kitten. Whew!
The third, Charlie, and fourth, Delta, came really quick. We had to cut the umbilical cord and rub it dry because mini-cat was busy with giving birth. After Delta mini-cat and her kitten went to sleep in one of three very cozy cardboard boxes and we slept on the couch beside her. You never know...
Around three am I woke up because Nox barked in the next room. He was thirsty. When we looked at mommy and the babies, we found a fifth baby, Echo, lying before the box, crying pitifully. Obviously, mini-cat secretly had another one and left it outside because the others started crying. So, once again, cutting the umbilical cord, rubbing it dry and back to mommy.
All is well so far, they are drinking and sleeping and mommy only leaves them to eat and drink. So cute.
We hope it stays well and nothing more happens. Fingers crossed.
I woke up this morning and Echo was really bad. On the way to the vet, but it doesn't look good.
- 12
-
- 38
entries - 116
comments - 20,373
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Two Poems
Becoming Poets
You and I, we have a strong bond
Like brothers, like lovers;
We disgust the world with our vain perversions,our inane attachment with the word and the seas of heresy
part at our command revealing the shells of untruths hiding
beneath the silt of social justice.
Ecstasy beyond judgement is what we sharein the binding fallacy of corporeal pain
battling to win over the spirit.
Our ascension begins at the alter of ego.
Broken down pieces of the mirror of self-hate, we treadupon our steps to immortality. Morality, ethics, civility, higher power
are all suspended in space as dwindling starlights, reaching us
from the outer edges of cosmos.
You and I, we have a strong bond.
Like brothers, like lovers;
We step over millions of corpses to reach the quintessential truth, the poesy of nature.
21/03/17Paranoia
When I see you talking to others I think of it as betrayal
When I see you smiling with others I question if you are loyal
When I see you moving on with life going roundabout your business
I feel I have been left out from it all in order to hide your menace
I know the wheels are turning
I know the fires are burning out
Emotions are condensing in big chunks of ice
And soon it won't suffice to tell you that I love you,
that the earth only blooms for you,
that my breath begins & ends with you
And soon you will leave me for the others who make you smile, who kiss
you behind my back, smell your hair, bend you over to the road of infidelity
And it drives me mad, mad like a ragging bull,
Like a substance user craving his previous high
I can't stand them making you smile
One of these days I will tell them of your lies
22/03/17
©asamvav111 - 38
-
-
Latest Entry
Kemal, The Story Of An Eastern Prince....
A song I like - and so it was also the first greek song I tried to sing in my favorite Greek restaurant. There exists a much different version in english, more like a nonsense /fun kids song.
Στίχοι: Νίκος Γκάτσος
Μουσική: Μάνος Χατζιδάκις
Πρώτη εκτέλεση: Αλίκη ΚαγιαλόγλουΆλλες ερμηνείες:
Βασίλης Λέκκας
Μάριος Φραγκούλης
Μαρία Φαραντούρη
Αλκίνοος Ιωαννίδης
Μανώλης Μητσιάς
Σαββίνα ΓιαννάτουΑκούστε την ιστορία του Κεμάλ
ενός νεαρού πρίγκιπα, της ανατολής
απόγονου του Σεβάχ του θαλασσινού,
που νόμισε ότι μπορεί να αλλάξει τον κόσμο.
αλλά πικρές οι βουλές του Αλλάχ
και σκοτεινές οι ψυχές των ανθρώπων.Στης Ανατολής τα μέρη μια φορά και ένα καιρό
ήταν άδειο το κεμέρι, μουχλιασμένο το νερό
στη Μοσσούλη, τη Βασσόρα, στην παλιά τη χουρμαδιά
πικραμένα κλαίνε τώρα της ερήμου τα παιδιά.Κι ένας νέος από σόι και γενιά βασιλική
αγροικάει το μοιρολόι και τραβάει κατά εκεί.
τον κοιτάν οι Βεδουίνοι με ματιά λυπητερή
κι όρκο στον Αλλάχ τους δίνει, πως θ’ αλλάξουν οι καιροί.Σαν ακούσαν οι αρχόντοι του παιδιού την αφοβιά
ξεκινάν με λύκου δόντι και με λιονταριού προβιά
απ’ τον Τίγρη στον Ευφράτη, απ’ τη γη στον ουρανό
κυνηγάν τον αποστάτη να τον πιάσουν ζωντανό.Πέφτουν πάνω του τα στίφη, σαν ακράτητα σκυλιά
και τον πάνε στο χαλίφη να του βάλει την θηλιά
μαύρο μέλι μαύρο γάλα ήπιε εκείνο το πρωί
πριν αφήσει στην κρεμάλα τη στερνή του την πνοή.Με δύο γέρικες καμήλες μ’ ένα κόκκινο φαρί
στου παράδεισου τις πύλες ο προφήτης καρτερεί.
πάνε τώρα χέρι χέρι κι είναι γύρω συννεφιά
μα της Δαμασκού τ’ αστέρι τους κρατούσε συντροφιά.Σ’ ένα μήνα σ’ ένα χρόνο βλέπουν μπρος τους τον Αλλάχ
που από τον ψηλό του θρόνο λέει στον άμυαλο Σεβάχ:
«νικημένο μου ξεφτέρι δεν αλλάζουν οι καιροί,
με φωτιά και με μαχαίρι πάντα ο κόσμος προχωρεί»Καληνύχτα Κεμάλ, αυτός ο κόσμος δε θα αλλάξει ποτέ
Καληνύχτα...
Lyrics: Nikos Ykatsos
Music: Manos Hatzidakis
First version: Aliki KayialoylouOther versions:
Vasilis Lekkas
Marios Fraykoulis
Maria Farantouri
Alkinoos Ioannidis
Manolis Mitsias
Savvina YiannatouHark to the story of Kemal
a young prince of the East
descendant of Sinbad the Sailor
who thought he could change the world.
But bitter is the will of Allah
and dark the souls of men.In the lands of the East once upon a time
the purse was empty and the water stale.
In Mosul* and Bushehr* on the old coconut tree
the children of the desert now cry bitter tears.And a young man of an old and royal line
hears the lament and grows near.
the Bedouins** look at him sadly
and he gives them an oath in Allah's name, that times will change.When the lords heard of the lad's fearlessness
they set out with wolf's teeth and lion's skin
from Tigris*** to Euphrates***, from the earth to the heavens
they hunt for the deserter, to capture him alive.The horde descends upon him like rabid dogs
and takes him to the Caliph to place the noose [on his neck]
black honey and black milk he drank that morning
before he breathed his last on the gallows.The Prophet**** awaits before the Gates of Heaven
with two elderly camels and a red horse.
They now go hand in hand and it's cloudy
but the star of Damascus kept them company.In a month and a year they see Allah before them
and from his high throne he says to the simple Sinbad:
"my beaten smart-aleck, times do not change,
the world always moves on by fire and blades"Goodnight Kemal, this world will never change.
Goodnight...- Read more...
- 0 comments
-
- 5
entries - 0
comments - 1,343
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Adagio Character Gallery
The Adagio Character Gallery: http://m.imgur.com/a/AngUQ
- Read more...
- 0 comments
- 5
-
Latest Entry
Ga Story Review: About Carl By Diogenes
Today Timothy M. reviews GA Author Diogenes' story, "About Carl" for our Gay Story Reviews blog site. He says, "The story takes you on the sad, but also beautiful and believable journey through Mark’s life..." Read more of his thoughts on the story in the review on GSR!
-
- 38
entries - 134
comments - 27,907
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Moive Review: Out Of Iraq
Watched this really amazing documentary on Netflix last night. I’m sometimes struck by how men who have spent so much time embedded in a war zone can afterward convey this sense of utter calm and inner peace even in the face of huge life obstacles. Nayyef conveys that sensibility in interview clips in this documentary, no matter whether his post-war life is despairing or joyful.
This documentary brings us an example of steadfast love between these two men through years of hardships. Although I was certainly aware of the taboo and dangers of homosexuality in Iraq, I didn’t realize until watching this film that the executions of gay men are largely carried out by civilians. As Btoo and Nayyef explain, there is no need for the government to act when civilians are all too ready to rid the country of the “problem.” All the government need do is nothing - do nothing to the executioners so as to allow the murders to continue.
The journey of these two men is quite extraordinary to watch and it is certainly touching to witness their reunion at the film’s end. It also put another real story to the impact and importance of the legalization of gay marriage. Although never pointed out in the film, because their commitment ceremony occurred in a natural timeline for them, the fact remains that it was only two months after marriage had been legalized in the U.S. What could be more like living a fairy tale than that to two boys who grew up gay in Iraq?
- Read more...
- 0 comments
- 38
-
Latest Entry
Moving On
I found this site initially back in 2004. I'd read a story on Nifty and an author said new chapters would first be posted here. I didn't join until 8 years later in 2012. Must have had other things on my mind like college and guys. I was only a member about 4 months before I joined the staff. I've really enjoyed being a staff member and serving in a number of roles the last 4 years. I've met some amazing people, built lifelong friendships, shed many tears at the loss of beloved members, and hopefully helped countless members and authors enjoy their experience here.
Lately I've had a lot less time to spend on the site. I've been trying to get my life back together for years now. As many of you know I struggle with anxiety and depression, which has only gotten worse the last several years. It's far easier for me to sit at home and interact with a website, than to force myself to go out and enjoy life. I decided in November that it was time to step down as an administrator and time to get serious about my future. I gave myself almost two months to make sure that this was the right decision for me, so today I'm announcing publicly that I'm resigning as an administrator.
The other site administrators have been amazingly supportive of my decision. They've seen first hand my struggles over the years and have shown me nothing but love and support. I'm honored to call them friends. I'm not vanishing entirely from the site, but I'll no longer be involved in administration or moderation functions after today.
In closing, I'd like to quote JSmith's resignation letter from a few years ago. I read it again today and one line really stuck out to me: "It's been a great journey, but it's time for me to move on with my life and see what else awaits."
All the best to each of you. It's time for me to see what else is out there.
A.J.
-
Latest Entry
Giveaway! Paperback Of Help! My Lover's An Alien
*Posted With Permission*
Happy New Year Everyone
In the later part of 2016 I decided to self-publish my story Help! My Lover’s an Alien. I did a few corrections, and fixed a couple of consistency errors. Then, I added it to Amazon Paperback and Kindle (including KU) and as they wouldn’t let me post it for free I am giving all the money I receive from sales to a charity called Stonewall that supports LGBTQ youths in the UK and abroad. The current total is over £20 raised.
Please note, the story hasn’t been changed or expanded, this is not an ad trying to get you to buy anything.
But, I have a paperback copy of the book to giveaway to a GA member. I wanted to give something back to all the wonderful people on this site.
Here is a bit about the story –
Blurb:
Lor is an Elite Guard for his planet's ambassador, and they’re heading for Earth. He is not looking for his mate, but, when they arrive he finds him. What should he do? How does an alien court a human?
Dillon is a trainer for the military. All he wants is a man to love him for who he is. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Can two men from different species make a lasting relationship work?
**This is a story written for the Goodreads MM Romance Group, Love is an Open Road, DRitC Event**
As Amazon will not allow me to list this book for free all royalties will go to charities that support LBGT causes.
Additional Details.
Paperback: 154 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (25 Aug. 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1523448911
ISBN-13: 978-1523448913
Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 1 x 22.9 cm
A special thanks go to:
Cannd – For her wonderfull beta reading
alishead – For her great editing, and for her patience in answering my questionsmost of which usually started with, why?
The Giveaway
All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning a paperback copy of this story is tell me:
What would you do if you met a real alien?
Terms and conditions
Entrants must be over eighteen due to book content.
Only one entry per person.
This competition is open worldwide.
You need to be willing to email me your address for me to send the book. Your details will not be used for any other purpose and will be deleted after receipt of the book is confirmed.
As already stated I have asked for and received permission from the site admin to post this contest.
The contest will end at midnight (GMT) Sunday 8th January 2017 and the winner will be announced on Monday 9th.
Thank you
-
- 7
entries - 27
comments - 1,785
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Hubs Pitches Me Another Story Idea
The previews before Moana included one for Monster Truck. It's a simple premise really--monster trucks, with real monsters in them. B figured if that's all it took to get a movie greenlit, he aught to make a go of it himself. I'm not going to discourage him. If they can make a kids' movie about tentacle monsters getting freaky with 4x4s, then who am I to judge?
But, I should have known how the drive home would go...
"Hey, I have another story idea for you--monster trucks that have real monsters in them. But they're also gay. You may need to work in some kind of hook for your audience. Maybe the drivers are all werewolves, who are also gay."
And if that wasn't bad enough....
"Remember that one weird story you were telling me about where the one guy has a hemipenes?* Well, some trucks have hemis, so...."
So, keep a lookout for my next story, Must Love Trucks, an m/m/t** tale about a cute little twink who struggles with his affections for a hunky truck-driving alpha werewolf and the monster under his hood. Vroom, vroom!
(Still trying to figure out how to work in that hemipenes, though.)
*Yes, there is a m/m shifter erotica in which the bottom has two cocks. Don't ask me how that works.
**male/male/truck - 7
-
Latest Entry
Day In The Life Of Kibanaru File 1.1
I was in a great relationship for a number of years however it went from good to worse My Ex Saskue I will call him because he likes naruto I do as well. Any way back on topic. I was 16 he was 15 we were both in high school and we didn't notice each other till I told people I was bisexual, a few people know I am How ever to this day my family is the hard part. Any way we met At yughio I'm serious people who read this will think that's funny but ya that's how me and Saskue met Going on we started to hang out and it went from there his foster mom hated me lilatry we hid our relationship from her but she found out and issues arose and it went from there I always told her the truth I tried to be on her good side but he also lied to her about us as well, I guess that what made her not trust me I will never know for she passed away in 2014 I think I could be wrong. Also She refused to believe he was gay at the the time he was bisexual, a few years in to our relationship he then stated that. We lasted four full years then another four in the 11 years we have know each other The first four were fine with ups and downs but the last four just say bitter. I still have feelings for him but not as much as I did back when I was younger we came back into contact after not talking for a year or so - what's weird we have others since then but I recently got ill over the holidays and he cares still for me even though we put each other through hell and I mean that literally from fighting to stealing to blackmail Any way The fact is I still like him he made me feel safe and when others buillied me he stood up for me I haven't asked him since if he still has feelings for me but it's hard when two different personalities crash with each other. Since 2006 I've been in five different relationships and most of them could have turned out different. I want others to know don't take what you have before it's too late. As of 2012 I've been in a relationship based online and i don't know what to do with it. I love the guy I haven't met him but we have talked via Facebook n Skype plus texting as well He lives in the states while I live in Canada I don't know how to deal any more I want to met but money is issue for both of us I don't know any more I'm a guy that falls in love easy and easy to get along with. The reason I feel for Saskue is we had a lot in common isn't that what makes a relationship to work out My point is to those people who fall in love easy make sure you know what you are getting in to and hopefully the right guy
-
Latest Entry
Christmas Depression
I really didn't want to ruin anyone's festivities, so I thought I write it down. Be warned, I'm going to whine a little. Or a lot.
I'm really down today, all 3 kids are sick, I have a sinusitis and can't breathe at all through my nose.
My daughter (8yo) didn't want the presents she got. They pretend to get the gifts form the Baby Jesus, so I can't say, we would maybe buy something more expensive, but we can't afford it and we don't want to spoil them either.
Everybody is posting perfect pictures from the perfect family and the perfect dinner. I didn't manage to cook, we ordered all food, even the sweets.
I got a cool tool set from him, I like it very much. Very ladylike :-P
The gift for hubby didn't arrive on time, I had to improvise, I bought him socks. Can you imagine?
I'm depressed, I mean really, I checked twice that I took my meds, I quess tis the season for having a relapse :-(
Speaking of seasons:
-
- 4
entries - 100
comments - 3,885
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
Skinny's Sorry
First, I’m sorry if I caused any trouble on GA. That was never my intention.
No one wants to read about another person’s illness, so I’ll make this brief.
Last Tuesday morning I went to our emergency room due to strong abdominal pains. After a scan, the ER doctor told me I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer; it had already spread to my abdomen wall and into my liver. I’m a realist, and there is only one prognosis – which is obvious. It’s just a matter of how long.The rest of the week was spent in a larger hospital on a ‘medical campus.’ During that time, I was mostly doped up and out of it. Only when I got home did my friends find and old laptop and connect it to our internet.
I check into the ‘cancer hospital’ of that medical campus on Wednesday morning for a final test and hopefully a realistic appraisal of how much time I have left. It’s the only question that means anything, yet is the one they don’t want to answer. I guess it interferes with their sales pitch or something.I always thought cancer was something I didn’t have to worry about until I was older, especially this one. But it seems when you’re younger it is more common for it to be discovered in late stages because your body is strong enough to hide any symptoms.
I can only write when I’m in pain. Then I take my knockout drop and fade away. This blog entry was written in Word, over five cycles so I could post it now.
Thanks for all the good wishes sent my way, and thank-you to AC, who takes friendships seriously. OK, that's all I can write right now.
- 4
-
Latest Entry
All About Me (Just How I Like It) :)
My name is Valentine Davis. Even though I have been a member of Gay Authors since October I consider myself to be a rookie. I always believed that writing was the hardest part of being an author but actually writing a book isn't really that hard, the editing process is. It's also the most painful. You spend so long working on your baby and helping it grow and develop into this wonderful masterpiece and then people critique it and you go from
to 
.Even though I'm from Indiana (I'm currently living in Columbus, Indiana and I fucking hate it
) I've always felt that California was my real home. My mom and I moved in with my great uncles Brian and Butch (my real name is Brian and I am named after my uncle Brian) San Diego when I was three. My mom went to a community college there. When I was six we moved to Berkeley where she was a student at UC Berkeley. Scientist say that 3-6 is the age range where we develop the most-I could be wrong but if so I don't want to know because I'm a narcissist and don't like to be told I'm wrong-and I spent those years in California. It plays a huge part into who I am.It was in California at the age of six, that I started to learn how to write. I started writing about Scooby Doo and Dragon Ball Z (I had a crush on Gohan and Piccolo and which there was more fan fiction on them as a couple) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. My mom would edit my stories for me and I would take them to school so happy. And of course it hurt my feelings that no one else gave a shit.
My mom and I moved back to the mid west when I was nine and my life has been a downward spiral since. One of my big dreams is to move back to California, particularly the Bay Area. When I was in the fourth grade I started reading Stephen King and Anne Rice. I once got into an argument with my fifth grade home room teacher for reading Queen of the Damned. She said it had a bad cuss word in the title. I was trying to explain to her that the word Damned in the title wasn't the same thing has cursing at someone when they make you made or taking the Lord's name in vain. I figured surely that she would understand being an English teacher and all, but she wasn't having it. So I'm also a book worm, so sue me.
I recently just published my novel Immortui: Volume 1 through Createspace, an online company through Amazon. For all of you authors on here it is a great company to publish your novel through. You can publish everything for free and do it yourself, even convert it to eBook format for free or you can pay for professional services. I did everything myself including the editing and cover so as you can imagine it's a little on the rough side. I'm hoping some day once I get some money I can make a revised edition.
Have a good evening y'all
Oh and one more thing, you can also find me on Goodreads and Facebook.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
-
- 117
entries - 389
comments - 68,968
views
Recent Entries
- 117
-
- 13
entries - 32
comments - 5,738
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
And The Band Played On . . .
A fairly effective film about the early days of AIDS from its discovery through the political machinations of its progress through the 1980s.
A story every young gay man and woman should know.
- 13
-
Latest Entry
Adagio: Music And Textures
Various Artists with textures by Brian Eno and the main theme by Samuel Barber
~~~~~~~~~~~- Adagio For Strings - Samuel Barber (Main Theme)
- Under Stars II – Brian Eno (Drifting through the Spirit World)
- In A Lifetime – Clannad (The Residual Haunting)
- Childhood – Michael Jackson (Christopher’s Lament)
- The Secret Place – Brian Eno (Horror in the Haunted Alley)
- The Bridge of Tears – Clannad (Christopher Meets Simon)
- Is There A Ghost? – Band of Horses (Father Malachi and the Little Boy Lost)
- Matta – Brian Eno (The Umbereth)
- To Wish For Impossible Things – The Cure (Christopher’s Haunting Moan)
- Wax and Wane – Cocteau Twins (The Book of the Damned)
- Signals – Brian Eno (Going to Church)
- Plainsong – The Cure (Fear of Angels)
- Ghosts – Japan (Existential Crisis of a Ghost)
- Hawks Do Not Share – The Devils (The Bloodstain)
- The Twilight Garden – The Cure (Daydreams of Heaven)
- At Night – The Cure (Detective Cummings and The Night Of…)
- 2 Late – The Cure (Simon’s Fateful Decision)
- One Hundred Years – The Cure (Spirit War)
- Tomorrow, Wendy – Concrete Blonde (Lies and then Someone You Love Dies)
- Cold – The Cure (The Darkening of Christopher)
- Under Stars II - Icebreaker (The Angel of Death)
- Prayer To A Guardian Angel – Patrick Hawes and Voices8 (Earning Your Wings)
- A Chain of Flowers – The Cure (Father Malachi Grieves)
- My Tears Are Becoming A Sea – M38 (A Guardian’s Work)
- The Funeral Party – Jesu (Requiem for the Beloved)
- The Ghost In You – Psychedelic Furs (Lovers in Spirit)
- To The Sky – The Cure (Going Into The Light)
- Agnus Dei (A choral refrain for Barber’s Adagio) – David Hill and the Westminster Choir (The Final Adagio)
~~~~~~~
1. Adagio For Strings - Samuel Barber (Main Theme)
~~~
Sorowful Overture
~~~
2. Under Stars II – Brian Eno (Drifting through the Spirit World)
~~~
Mysterious Ambient Texture and refrain for the mystery of the Spirit World
~~~
3. In A Lifetime – Clannad (The Residual Haunting)
~~~
Hard to tell
Or recognize a sign
To see me through
A warning sign
First the thunder
Satisfied, if the past it will not lie
Then the storm
Torn asunder
The future you and I get blown away
In the storm
In a lifetime
And as the rain it falls
Begin again, as the storm breaks through
Heavy in my heart
Believe the light in you
So the light shines in you
Without color, faded and worn
Torn asunder in the storm
Unless the sound has faded from your soul
Unless it disappears
First the thunder
Selfish storm
Then the storm
Hold on the inside
Torn asunder
One life
In the storm
In a lifetime
In a lifetime
~~~
4. Childhood – Michael Jackson (Christopher’s Lament)
~~~
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me
People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things
It's been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood
I've never known
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
For the Childhood I've never known
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly
Before you judge me, try hard to love me
The painful youth I've had
Have you seen my Childhood?
~~~
5. The Secret Place – Brian Eno (Horror in the Haunted Alley)
~~~
Dark and chilling Ambient Texture
~~~
6. The Bridge of Tears – Clannad (Christopher Meets Simon)
~~~
Lyrics
The mist has cleared from Muckish Hill
Our parting coming nearer
The last embrace, the final touch
With nothing more to say
Nothing more to say
As silence fell around the bridge
Not a single word was spoken
A bitter breeze, a lonely stream
Echoed through the Glen
Echoed through the Glen
Droichead na ndeor
Agus droichead na gcaointe
Droichead na gcaointe
Agus droichead na ndeor
Memories fade with passing age
In forlorn hope we wait for
Distant hills still haunt us now
Until the end of time
Until the end of time
Droichead na ndeor
Agus droichead na gcaointe
Droichead na gcaointe
Agus droichead na ndeor
Droichead na ndeor
Agus droichead na gcaointe
Droichead na gcaointe
Agus droichead na ndeor
~~~
7. Is There A Ghost? – Band of Horses (Father Malachi and the Little Boy Lost)
~~~
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house
~~~
8. Matta – Brian Eno (The Umbereth)
~~~
Frighteningly dark ambient texture
~~~
9. To Wish For Impossible Things – The Cure (Christopher’s Haunting Moan)
~~~
Remember how it used to be
When the sun would fill up the sky
Remember how we used to feel
Those days would never end
Those days would never end
Remember how it used to be
When the stars would fill the sky
Remember how we used to dream
Those nights would never end
Those nights would never end
It was the sweetness of your skin
It was the hope of all we might have been
That fills me with the hope to wish
Impossible things
But now the sun shines cold
And all the sky is grey
The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears
And all I wish
Is gone away
All I wish
Is gone away
All I wish
Is gone away
~~~
10. Wax and Wane – Cocteau Twins (The Book of the Damned)
~~~
Carrying prose
Broke my real friend
The devil bites dirty, we wax and we wane
The devil bites dirty, we wax and wane
Licking our wounds
The devil bites dirty
Reckoning we'll taste
We wax and we wane
The devil bite's dirty, we wax and wane
Caring is a bury gin shot
The devil bites dirty
Up to the wee wanes
Oh, we laugh in their faces
The devil bites dirty, we wax and wane
~~~
11. Signals – Brian Eno (Going to Church)
~~~
Ominous but slightly inspiring ambient texture
~~~
12. Plainsong – The Cure (Fear of Angels)
~~~
"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second.
"i think i'm old and i'm in pain" you said
"and it's all running out like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second
sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at
the edge of the world like i'm living at the edge
of the world "it's just the way i smile" you said
~~~
13. Ghosts – Japan (Existential Crisis of a Ghost)
~~~
When the room is quiet
The daylight almost gone
It seems there's something I should know
Well I ought to leave but the rain it never stops
And I've no particular place to go
Just when I think I'm winning
When I've broken every door
The ghosts of my life blow wilder than before
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
When my chance came to be king
The ghosts of my life blew wilder than the wind
Well I'm feeling nervous
Now I find myself alone
The simple life's no longer there
Once I was so sure
Now the doubt inside my mind
Comes and goes but leads nowhere
Just when I think I'm winning
When I've broken every door
The ghosts of my life blow wilder than before
Just when I thought I could not be stopped
When my chance came to be king
The ghosts of my life blew wilder than the wind
~~~
14. Hawks Do Not Share – The Devils (The Bloodstain)
~~~
Dark eyes you've got new clothes
Please stay with me I love you
You are a dream believe me
We cut our hair
We go to bed
Sleep scented head
Now we know our promises were true & we know a burden has been shared
But Hawks don't share they gather in
Hawks don't share
Hawks don't share they gather in
Hawks don't share
Hawks don't share
No history to forget
Not fame & fortune to regret
We tried so hard to find the truth
Don't leave me here
Then I see your hands outstretched to me & I know the role I played was false
But Hawks don't share they gather in
Hawks don't share
Hawks don't share they gather in
Hawks don't share
Hawks don't share they gather in
Hawks don't share
Hawks don't share
Dark eyes you've got new clothes
Clothes Clothes
Clothes Clothes
Clothes Clothes
Clothes Clothes
~~~
15. The Twilight Garden – The Cure (Daydreams of Heaven)
~~~
I lift my lips from kissing you
To kiss the sky
Cloud soft and blue
And slow the sun melts down
Into your golden words for me
I lift my hands from touching you
To touch the wind that whispers through
This twilight garden
Turns into a world
Where dreams are real
No-one will ever take your place
I am lost in you
No-one will ever take your place
So in love with you
I lift my eyes from watching you
To watch the star rise shine onto
Your dreaming face and dreaming smile
You're dreaming worlds for me
I lift my lips from kissing you
And kiss the sky wide deepest blue
And slow the moon swims up
Into your golden words for me
No-one will ever take your place
I am lost in you
No-one will ever take your place
So in love with you
~~~
16. At Night – The Cure (Detective Cummings and The Night Of…)
~~~
Sunk deep in the night
I sink in the night
Standing alone underneath the sky
I feel the chill of ice
On my face
I watch the hours go by
The hours go by
You sleep
Sleep in a safe bed
Curled and protected
Protected from sight
Under a safe roof
Deep in your house
Unaware of the changes at night
At night
I hear the darkness breathe
I sense the quiet despair
Listen to the silence
At night
Someone has to be there
Someone has to be there
Someone must be there
~~~
17. 2 Late – The Cure (Simon’s Fateful Decision)
~~~Desperate Instrumental
~~~
18. One Hundred Years – The Cure (Spirit War)
~~~
It doesn't matter if we all die
Ambition in the back of a black car
In a high building there is so much to do
Going home time
A story on the radio
Something small falls out of your mouth
And we laugh
A prayer for something better
A prayer
For something better
Please love me
Meet my mother
But the fear takes hold
Creeping up the stairs in the dark
Waiting for the death blow
Waiting for the death blow
Waiting for the death blow
Stroking your hair as the patriots are shot
Fighting for freedom on the television
Sharing the world with slaughtered pigs
Have we got everything?
She struggles to get away
The pain
And the creeping feeling
A little black haired girl
Waiting for Saturday
The death of her father pushing her
Pushing her white face into the mirror
Aching inside me
And turn me round
Just like the old days
Just like the old days
Just like the old days
Just like the old days
Caressing an old man
And painting a lifeless face
Just a piece of new meat in a clean room
The soldiers close in under a yellow moon
All shadows and deliverance
Under a black flag
A hundred years of blood
Crimson
The ribbon tightens round my throat
I open my mouth
And my head bursts open
A sound like a tiger thrashing in the water
Thrashing in the water
Over and over
We die one after the other
Over and over
We die one after the other
One after the other
One after the other
One after the other
One after the other
It feels like a hundred years
A hundred years
A hundred years
A hundred years
A hundred years
One hundred years
~~~
19. Tomorrow, Wendy – Concrete Blonde (Lies and then Someone You Love Dies)
~~~
Lyrics
It is complete, now
Two ends of time are neatly tied
A one-way street
She's walking to end of the line
And there she meets
The faces she keeps in her heart and mind
They say, "Goodbye"
Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die
Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die
Underneath the chilly gray November sky
We can make believe that Kennedy is still alive
And we're shooting for the moon
And smiling Jack is driving by
And they say, "Good try"
Tomorrow, Wendy you're going to die
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
I told the priest
Don't count on any second coming
God got his ass kicked
The first time he came down here slumming
He had the balls to come
The gall to die and then forgive us
No, I don't wonder why
I wonder what he thought it would get us
Hey, hey, goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Hey, hey, good bye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Only God says, "Jump"
So I set the time
'Cause if he ever saw her
It was through these eyes of mine
And if he ever suffered
It was me who did his crying
Hey, hey, goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
(Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die)
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
(Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die)
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Hey, hey, goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Hey, hey, goodbye
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
Tomorrow, Wendy is going to die
~~~
20. Cold – The Cure (The Darkening of Christopher)
~~~
Scarred
Your back was turned
Curled like an embryo
Take another face
You will be kissed again
I was cold as I mouthed the words
And crawled across the mirror
I wait
Await the next breath
Your name
Like ice into my heart
A shallow grave
A monument to the ruined age
Ice in my eyes
And eyes like ice don't move
Screaming at the moon
Another past time
Your name
Like ice into my heart
Everything as cold as life
Can no one save you?
Everything
As cold as silence
And you never say a word
Your name
Like ice into my heart
Your name
Like ice into my heart
~~~
21. Under Stars II - Icebreaker (The Angel of Death)
~~~
Master Refrain for the mystery of the Spirit World
22. Prayer To A Guardian Angel – Hawes and the Voices 8 (Earning Your Wings)
~~~Come in the night
Silent and still,
Angel of light
show the truth of love’s will.
Dark is my soul
And fearful my mind:
Help me the purest
and gentlest way find.
Come in the dawn
When all is lost,
Angel of comfort
Take hold of my hand.
Lift me, enfold me,
Help me to see
That all of your treasures
give power to break free.
Come in the noon
Of bright sunlit days;
Angel of joy
Give me right words to say.
Inspire my heart
with truth from above;
Renew my life in the healing
of perfect love.
~~~
23. A Chain of Flowers – The Cure (Father Malachi Grieves)
~~~
Please wake up
It's so dark and cold
Please wake up
I feel so alone
And I feel so scared
That you're going away
And I feel so scared
All I want is summer
Stories from before
Just like the time you tried to hide
Behind the churchyard wall
And fell asleep before I came
And found you in a chain of flowers
Sleeping like a marble boy
Sleeping in another world
I'll never tell you of all the different ways
Of all the different ways
You made me so afraid
You made me so afraid
Afraid...
Please wake up
It's so dark and cold
Please wake up
I feel so alone
And I feel so scared
That you're going away
And I feel so scared
I'll never tell you of all the different ways
Of all the different ways
You made me so afraid
~~~
24. My Tears Are Becoming A Sea – M38 (A Guardian’s Work)
~~~
I'm slowly drifting to you
The stars and the planets
Are calling me
A billion years away from you
I'm on my way
I'm On...
I'm On...
~~~
25. The Funeral Party – Jesu (Requiem for the Beloved)
~~~
Two pale figures
Ache in silence
Timeless
In the quiet ground
Side by side
In age and sadness
I watched
And acted wordlessly
As piece by piece
You performed your story
Moving through an unknown past
Dancing at the funeral party
Memories of children's dreams
Lie lifeless
Fading
Lifeless
Hand in hand with fear and shadows
Crying at the funeral party
I heard a song
And turned away
As piece by piece
You performed your story
Noiselessly across the floor
Dancing at the funeral party
~~~
26. The Ghost In You – Psychedelic Furs (Lovers in Spirit)
~~~
A man in my shoes runs a light
And all the papers lied tonight
But falling over you
Is the news of the day
Angels fall like rain
And love is all of Heaven away
Inside you the time moves
And he won't fade
The ghost in you
He don't fade
Inside you the time moves
And he won't fade
A race is on, I'm on your side
And hearing you my engines die
I'm in a mood for you
For running away
Stars come down in you
And love, you can't give it away
Inside you the time moves
And he won't fade
The ghost in you
He won't fade
Inside you the time moves
And he don't fade
Don't you go
It makes no sense
When all your talking supermen
Just take away the time
And get in the way
Ain't it just like rain
And love, is only heaven away
Inside you the time moves
And he won't fade
The ghost in you
He don't fade
Inside you the time moves
And he won't fade
~~~
27. To The Sky – The Cure (Going Into The Light)
~~~
One perfect morning
I was all alone
Listening to
The blaze of summer
Drifting, I was falling
I was floating in a golden haze
Breathing in the sky blue sounds
Of memories of other days
And in my dreams I was a child
Flowers in my mouth and in my eyes
And I was floating through the colors of a sky
Up to the stars and angels
Up, up, up to Heaven
Up, up, up forever
Up, up, up to Heaven
Up, up, up forever
Turning in my climb
I looked down on a lake
Traced upon the water
There I saw your face
Sang in recollection
Of the times we shared
Then pushed on ever upward
To the sky
And in my dreams I was a child
Flowers in my mouth and in my eyes
And I was floating through the colors of a sky
Up to the stars and angels
~~~
28. Agnus Dei (A choral refrain for Barber’s Adagio) – David Hill and the Westminster Choir (The Final Adagio)
~~~
The choir singing at the requiem mass for Simon and Christopher
Agnus dei
Qui tollis peccata mundi
Miserere nobis
Agnus dei
Qui tollis peccata mundi
Miserere nobis
Agnus dei
Qui tollis peccata mundi
Dona nobis pacem
~~~
~~~~~~~
Chris Rhodes
In Life- Read more...
- 0 comments
-
- 5
entries - 27
comments - 1,617
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
More Word Painting With Added Sound
As a newly minted apprentice poet, welcome to the tools of my trade and no prizes for guessing which gets the most use ...
Anyway, here is another selection of verse with music as the theme.My continuing thanks to Parker Owens for his support and encouragement. All comments, crits and compliments are welcome.
Ancient
Borrowed, mortared
Timelessly rememb'ring
Conjuring forth darkness, tallows
Silent
Singing
Faith-shrouded shapes
Uninvited phantoms
Wend down bowed midnight stair into
My mind~
Nervous
Adrenalin
Alert heart pounds, mouth dries
Focussed blood pumps, muscles flex, just
For play~
Burnished
Pulsing tendrils
Swirl, coiling, massing in
Shadowed, columned spaces until
Metalled
Dark clouds
Cumulating
Release their sonorous
Load, felt deep within, almost
Unheard - 5
-
- 14
entries - 56
comments - 10,075
views
Recent Entries
Latest Entry
I've Been Away For A Long Time...
In my last blog, I wrote about witnessing a young girl commit suicide in front of me by jumping in front of a train. I knew it affected me, but it did more damage than I thought. There are days when I don't dream about it, and those are the good days. I need to go back a few years to explain why my depression came on so slowly that I didn't realize I was depressed.
I had thyroid cancer almost ten years ago, which led to me having a complete thyroidectomy. I have to take a pill for the rest of my life, which acts as a replacement for my missing thyroid, or my body does crazy things. With this said, about a week after witnessing this young woman's death, I missed the occasional dose. Those occasional doses became a week or two here and there to me missing almost eight straight months. The decline in my brain was so gradual that I hadn't realize I lost interest in everything I loved like cooking, working out, and writing (to an extent). My own family didn't pick up on it! Then last summer happened. I didn't bathe or brush my teeth for the longest time. I can count on one hand the times I left the house to do anything recreational. I didn't even go to an amusement park pretending I had no money. It wasn't until I had to return to my seasonal job at a sports venue did I even leave the house on a regular basis.
Over the course of me being off my meds, I experienced excruciating pain in my hands and toes. I stayed in bed all day, gained weight, lost hair, and my teeth weakened, yet, I still didn't put the pieces together. Then one day this past February while at work, I experienced a weird coldness creep through my body and I could barely hold anything. I went to the EMT's on duty and had them check me out. Upon not being able to get an accurate read on my BP, they urged me to go to the hospital.
I agreed. It was at the hospital I learned that my BP was dangerously low and my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) level was the lowest any health professional had ever seen. Upon asking me further questions, I explained about the suicide I'd witnessed, and how it affected me and my head space to take my pills every day.
After talking to someone they helped me see my depression was mainly due to me going off my meds, and not the young woman. I do feel better having been back on my meds steadily now for seven months! I still have my days but they're not as frequent as they had been.
I still wrote during my hazy head time. Looking back on what I wrote, I know for certain my head was wonky because not everything made sense. I've corrected them and hope to get back to writing on a daily basis, and update the chapters I have here on GA.
Sorry if this rambled on and doesn't make sense, I'm still working out the kinks.
Thank you! That is all!
- 14
to 
.
) I've always felt that California was my real home. My mom and I moved in with my great uncles Brian and Butch (my real name is Brian and I am named after my uncle Brian) San Diego when I was three. My mom went to a community college there. When I was six we moved to Berkeley where she was a student at UC Berkeley. Scientist say that 3-6 is the age range where we develop the most-I could be wrong but if so I don't want to know because I'm a narcissist and don't like to be told I'm wrong-and I spent those years in California. It plays a huge part into who I am.
Anyway, here is another selection of verse with music as the theme.
-
Blog Entries
-
-
Blogs
-
Writing Tips
- 441
entries - 2281
comments - 33688
views
- 441
-
The Fantastic Mr. Wilde
- 34
entries - 289
comments - 14048
views
- 34
-
Gay Stories
- 539
entries - 3488
comments - 28655
views
- 539
-
Gay Authors News
- 464
entries - 2345
comments - 1712153
views
- 464
-
Colored in Gray
- 9
entries - 66
comments - 193
views
- 9
-
-
Blog Comments
-
-
By Thorn Wilde · Posted
Ugh. Yeah, that one sucks too. I also know people with schizophrenia, as well as other diagnoses that can cause psychosis. Never known any of them to be dangerous to others, though some have harmed themselves. Either way, it's a bitch to live with and it's not okay to make fun of. Thanks for pointing that one out, it's not one I've heard much. -
I hope you don’t mind me adding one ”That is so schizo/schizophrenic” used to describe some odd, dangerous or antisocial behavior. My mother and youngest sister have paranoid schizophrenia. My stepdaughter has schizophrenia. While odd behaviors do happen, it is not a defin8ng symptom, the delusions are. -
-
Thanks, Val. I had a down syndrome friend when I was a kid... he lived in our house which was divided into apartments. I remember that he was fun to play with, and his mother baked amazing stuff! -
-
By Thorn Wilde · Posted
Thank you for reading it, and for getting it. -
Thorn, you nailed this perfectly. Language influences thoughts and reactions. Using mental illness terms like this diminishes the struggles people with these disorders go through daily. It can be deflating to people with 'invisible' disabilities to hear these types of statements. People don't tend to understand what they can't see. Thank you for this. -
It was a great story; would love to see some more followup. Charles Ross -
Sounds interesting No spring break for me. And spring is coming in like a lion. It's gorgeous today, but we're supposed to get several inches of snow on Friday. Hopefully it's the last of the season.
-
