Jump to content

Blogs

Featured Entries

  • Cia

    September Classic Author Feature: What Might Have Been by Luc

    By Cia

    Oh, the summer has passed, yet another school year begins, and I'm forced to acknowledge that my children have grown older and made me older. It's so strange to watch them grow up and remember my own youth in contrast. We make memories, I try to help them make memories, but it's so true that you can't go back and you never know... what might have been. This is just one more of many amazing stories posted by the promoted authors who have been shifted to Classic author status that new site readers
    • 1 comment
    • 60 views

Our community blogs

    • 1
      entry
    • 5
      comments
    • 354
      views

    Recent Entries

    Warrior1
    Latest Entry

    I have been on very high antidepressant for a long time. My mental health deteriorated so much that it was unavoidable. The problem with these ‘happy pills’ is that, though they can safely curb your depression to a great extent, they can effectively turn you into a zombie. I literally lost my ability to feel any kind of deep emotions. Life became numb, with no ups and no downs. For a moment, I had to actually wonder if the emotion center of my brain actually got irreversibly damaged. Until, that is, I met you.



    I didn’t want to come to class, but when you sat beside me and my eyes fell upon your face, I was so glad I did. Something shook inside me. Not only did I feel the emotions I thought I’d lost, but I felt them more strongly than I’d ever felt before. It wasn’t just your perfectly sculpted face (though I am as shallow as any other gay man, so yes, your beautifully handsome face made the first impression on me). It was your cheerful mannerism, your friendly gestures, your kind attitude … and so much that can’t be explained in words (or things even I couldn’t figure out). When you smiled, your nose used to wrinkle in an adorable way – a sight that is etched on my mind. I can’t forget how you used to keep sit for me, or ask me to keep one for you. I can’t forget how you once went to the front of the class on our sir’s insistence that one of us has to sit at the front of the column, and you chose to sacrifice for me. I cried thinking of you that day, and I still get teary eyed when I see your faced in my Facebook.

    But then you slowly drifted apart. Was it my own fault? I started ‘hearting’ your photos on Facebook against my better judgement. You felt uneasy about my approach, I assume, and you started ignoring me. When we met, you were cordial, but not the same warm person you once were to me. And I understand. It was my fault. How can I be so flamboyant in my love? I treaded on your personal ground, I made you – presumably a straight man – uncomfortable in my overt expression of my love.

    I deactivated my Facebook a long, long time ago, and kept it that way longer than I’d expected. But some dormant feeling inside me wanted to see you. I just wanted to see your playful eyes and that radiant smile one last time. And what a cruel surprise did I get when I opened your profile! You got married, to a girl just as beautiful as you. Maybe some good did come out of it. I swear I will not stalk you anymore because I know you are already taken. Good bye my love. I hope you all the best in your new life. May your life not be like mine. I hope you found what you were looking for in her, and you have a blessed life ahead. That’s all that matters to me.

  1. NlpvnTX.jpg

     

     

    _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Track List

     

    1. After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Solitudes) - Overture
    2. Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower)  - Mysterious Colby’s Theme
    3. At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind
    4. When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again
    5. I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search
    6. Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time
    7. Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’
    8. Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him?
    9. Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness
    10. The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes
    11. Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song
    12. Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars
    13. Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell
    14. I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed
    15. Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster?
    16. You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night
    17. Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre
    18. Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder
    19. I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal
    20. You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise

    ————————————

    After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Soliturdes) - Overture

     

    Gentle Overture For A Gentle Western Evening

     

    Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower)  - Mysterious Colby’s Theme

     

    I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger

    Traveling through this world below

    There is no sickness, no toil, nor danger

    In that bright land to which I go

     

    I'm going there to see my Father

    And all my loved ones who've gone on

    I'm just going over Jordan

    I'm just going over home

     

    I know dark clouds will gather 'round me

    I know my way is hard and steep

    But beauteous fields arise before me

    Where God's redeemed, their vigils keep

     

    I'm going there to see my Father

    He said he'd meet me when I come

    So, I'm just going over Jordan

    I'm just going over home

    I'm just going over Jordan

    I'm just going over home

     

    At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind

     

    Throw it down, look away

    Don't be scared, it's okay

    Settle down, set it right

    Don't be scared, its alright

     

    When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again

     

    Don't it hurt so bad

    When you're standin’ in the sun

    In the bottom of your heart

    You don't love no one

     

    You can be oh so mean

    I just can't see, no in between

    You know what the sun's all about

    When the lights go out

     

    What a way to live

    Back of your class

    End of the line

    Always last

     

    You can be oh so mean

    I just can't see, no in between

    You know what the sun's all about

    When the lights go out

     

    See the moon

    See the stars

    From your lonely seat

    In your lonely cars

     

    You can be oh so mean

    I just can't see, no in between

    You know what the sun's all about

    When the lights go out

     

    I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search

     

    Like the wondering ghost for a harbor

    Like the ground beneath the snow for springtime

    Like the believer for something to believe in

    Like the drifting castaway for shoreline

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    I burned out my eyes on the horizon

    Sunups in the east and sundowns in the west

    I watched them all for just one reason

    Sun came up or down, I couldn’t care less

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    I waited for you

    All the way through

    All the way down the line

    I waited for you

     

    Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time

     

    I don’t believe in an interventionist God

    But I know, darling, that you do

    But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him

    Not to intervene when it came to you

    Not to touch a hair on your head

    To leave you as you are

    And if He felt He had to direct you

    Then direct you into my arms

     

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms

     

    And I don’t believe in the existence of angels

    But looking at you I wonder if that’s true

    But if I did I would summon them together

    And ask them to watch over you

    To each burn a candle for you

    To make bright and clear your path

    And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love

    And guide you into my arms

     

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms

     

    But I believe in Love

    And I know that you do too

    And I believe in some kind of path

    That we can walk down, me and you

    So keep your candles burning

    And make her journey bright and pure

    That she will keep returning

     

    Always and evermore

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms, O Lord

    Into my arms

     

     

    Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’

     

    Nothin' 'round here to me that's sacred

    'Cept you, yeah you

    Nothin' 'round here to me that matters

    'Cept you, yeah you

     

    You're the one that reaches me

    You're the one that I admire

    Every time we meet together

    I feel like I'm on fire

    Nothin' matters to me

    And there is nothin' I desire

    'Cept you, yeah you

     

    Nothin' 'round here I care to try for

    'Cept you, yeah you

    Got nothin' here to live or die for

    'Cept you, yeah you

     

    As a kid I'd hear it

    In the churches all the time

    Make me feel so good inside

    So peaceful, so sublime

    Now nothin' does remind me

    Of that old familiar chime

    'Cept you, yeah you

     

    Used to run in the cemetery

    Dance and run and sing when I was a child

    And it never seemed strange

    Now I just pass mournfully by

    That place where the bones of life are piled

    I know something has changed

    I'm a stranger here and no one sees me

    'Cept you, yeah you

     

    Nothin' anymore seems to please me

    'Cept you, yeah you

    Your love hypnotizes me

    It holds me in its spell

    Everything runs by me

    Just like water from a well

    Everybody wants my attention

    Everybody's got something to sell

    'Cept you, yeah you

    I'm in love with you

     

    I'm in love with you

     

    Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him?

     

    There is a house in New Orleans

    Where you woke from a coma and they bit your cheek

    And they cleaned you out when you went to sleep

     

    Oh, I just wanna change your mind

    I just wanna change your mind

    And it might become right away

    It might become till the day I'm done

     

    And I saw it as the house caught fire

    And I saw it when the thief got brave

    It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard

    And it's comin' over me in waves

     

    But you're haunted by the morning sun

    You keep digging till the night is over

     

    I ain't no doctor, babe

    I ain't no doctor, son

    But I'll cool your fever till the doctor comes

    It's a miracle, babe, but it ain't no fun

     

    I just wanna change your mind

    I just wanna change your mind

    It might become right away

    It might become till the day I'm done

     

    And I saw it as the house caught fire

    And I saw it when the thief got brave

    It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard

    And it's comin' over me in waves

     

    But it's not here now

    It's the chance of it I hate

    It's a hundred thousand miles off

    Comin' closer every day

     

    Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness

     

    Oh Abraham would raise his hands;

    and mourn this very day;

    for his children left the promise land;

    in search of their own way.

     

    They kick and scream like wayward sons;

    And always wanting to sleep;

    and dream away these evil days;

    in hopes that God can't see.

     

    There are chains upon your children Lord;

    Chains upon your children.

    There are chains upon your children Lord;

    Chains upon your children.

     

    Do you hear the lion roar?

    (Awake O Sleeper)

    Stand with me we'll fight the war.

    (Awake O Sleeper)

     

    Your suffering will come again;

    and never fall away.

    For we trade our many comforts;

    Like the ones who bled for grace.

     

    There will come a day my God will come;

    and put me in my place.

    My God I pray;

    You'll call my name;

    instead of turn away.

     

    There are chains upon your children Lord;

    Chains upon your children.

    There are chains upon your children Lord;

    Chains upon your children.

     

    Do you hear the lion roar?

    (Awake O Sleeper)

    Stand with me we'll fight the war.

    (Awake O Sleeper)

     

    Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of Jesus.

    Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of the Lord.

     

    I said, Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of Jesus.

    Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of God.

     

    Do you hear the lion roar?

    (Awake O Sleeper)

    Stand with me we'll fight the war.

    (Awake O Sleeper)

     

    Do you hear the lion roar?

    (Awake O Sleeper)

    Stand with me we'll fight the war.

    (Awake O Sleeper)

     

    (Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of Jesus;

    Let no man bring me harm;

    I bear the marks of the Lord.)

     

    The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes

     

    "And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder

    One of the four beasts saying,

    'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse"

     

    There's a man goin' 'round takin' names

    And he decides who to free and who to blame

    Everybody won't be treated all the same

    There'll be a golden ladder reachin' down

    When the man comes around

     

    The hairs on your arm will stand up

    At the terror in each sip and in each sup

    Will you partake of that last offered cup

    Or disappear into the potter's ground?

    When the man comes around

     

    Hear the trumpets hear the pipers

    One hundred million angels singin'

    Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum

    Voices callin', voices cryin'

    Some are born and some are dyin'

    It's alpha and omega's kingdom come

    And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree

    The virgins are all trimming their wicks

    The whirlwind is in the thorn tree

    It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks

     

    Till Armageddon no shalam, no shalom

    Then the father hen will call his chickens home

    The wise man will bow down before the throne

    And at his feet, they'll cast their golden crowns

    When the man comes around

     

    Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still

    Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still

    Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still

    Listen to the words long written down

    When the man comes around

     

    Hear the trumpets hear the pipers

    One hundred million angels singin'

    Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum

    Voices callin', voices cryin'

    Some are born and some are dyin'

    It's alpha and omega's kingdom come

    And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree

    The virgins are all trimming their wicks

    The whirlwind is in the thorn trees

    It's hard for thee to kick against the prick

    In measured hundredweight and penny pound

    When the man comes around

     

    "And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts

    And I looked, and behold a pale horse

    And his name that sat on him was death, and hell followed with him"

     

    Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song

     

    When its twilight on the trail and I jog along

    The world is like a dream and the ripple of a stream is my song.

     

    When its twilight in the trail and I rest once more

    My ceiling is the sky and the grass in which I lie is my floor.

     

    Never, never have a nickel in my jeans

    Never ever have a debt to pay

    Still, I understand what real contentment mean

    Guess I was born that way

     

    When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still

    Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill

     

    Guess I was born that way

     

    When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still

    Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill

     

    When its twilight on the trail.

     

    Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars

     

    Beside a singing mountain stream

    Where the willow grew

     

    Where the silver leaf of maple

    Sparkled in the morning dew

    I braided twigs of willows

    Made a string of buckeye beads

    But flesh and blood needs flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

    Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

     

    I leaned against a bark of birch

    And I breathed the honeydew

    I saw a North-bound flock of geese

    Against a sky of baby blue

    Beside the lily pads

    I carved a whistle from a reed

    Mother Nature's quite a lady

    But you're the one I need

    Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

     

    A cardinal sang just for me

    And I thanked him for the song

    Then the sun went slowly down the west

    And I had to move along

    These were some of the things

    On which my mind and spirit feed

    But flesh and blood need flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

    Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

     

    So when this day was ended

    I was still not satisfied

    For I knew everything I touched

    Would wither and would die

    And love is all that will remain

    And grow from all these seeds

    Mother Nature's quite a lady

    But you're the one I need

    Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood

    And you're the one I need

     

    Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell

     

    There's a reckoning a'comin'

    It burns beyond the grave

    There's lead inside my belly

    'Cause my soul has lost its way

     

    Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?

    Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid?

     

    When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you

    With the hounds of hell coming after you

    I've got blood, I've got blood on my name

     

    When the fires, when the fires are consuming you

    And your sacred stars won't be guiding you

    I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name

     

    Not a spell gonna be broken

    With a potion or a priest

    When you're cursed you're always hoping

    That a prophet would be grieved

     

    Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?

    Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid?

     

    Can't you see I'm sorry?

    I will make it worth your while

    Made of dead man's money

    You can see it in my smile

     

    Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?

    Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid?

     

    When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you

    And the whole wide world's coming after you

    I got blood, I got blood on my name

     

    When the fires, when the fires are consuming you

    And your sacred stars won't be guiding you

    I got blood, I got blood, blood on my name

     

    It won't be long

    'Til I'm dead and gone

    It won't be long

    'Til I'm dead and gone

    Watch the fires rise

    Burn through my skin

    Down to the bone

    Scorching my soul

    Nowhere to run

    Nowhere to run

    Nowhere to run

     

    When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you

    With the hounds of hell coming after you

    I've got blood, I've got blood on my name

     

    When the fires, when the fires are consuming you

    And your sacred stars won't be guiding you

    I've got blood, I've got blood on my name

     

    When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you

    And the whole wide world's coming after you

    I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name

     

    I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed

     

    Well, you're my friend

    And can you see

    Many times we've been out drinking

    Many times we've shared our thoughts

    But did you ever, ever notice

    The kind of thoughts I got?

    Well, you know I have a love

    A love for everyone I know

    And you know I have a drive

    To live, I won't let go

    But can you see this opposition

    Comes rising up sometimes?

    That it's dreadful imposition

    Comes blacking in my mind

     

    And then I see a darkness

    And then I see a darkness

    And then I see a darkness

    And then I see a darkness

    Did you know how much I love you?

    Is a hope that somehow you

    Can save me from this darkness

     

    Well, I hope that someday, buddy

    We have peace in our lives

    Together or apart

    Alone or with our wives

    And we can stop our whoring

    And pull the smiles inside

    And light it up forever

    And never go to sleep

    My best unbeaten brother

    This isn't all I see

     

    Oh no, I see a darkness

    Oh no, I see a darkness

    Oh no, I see a darkness

    Oh no, I see a darkness

    Did you know how much I love you?

    Is a hope that somehow you

    Can save me from this darkness

     

    Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster?

     

    Its been so long

    Long hard days

    They don't say

    Gods change my ways

    Change my ways

    Those evil ways

     

    So I set out

    Cross that way

    Strike them down

    To make them pay

    Change their ways

    Their evil ways

     

    But I can’t hide

    Ooooooo

    And I won't hide

    Oooooo Yeah!

    My Evil Ways

     

    I found out

    The hate grow cold

    The god rise up

    Damn my soul

    Cause I ain't change

    Change my ways

    I ain't change

     

    So I won't hide

    Ooooo

    I won't hide

    Oooooo

    I can't hide Yeah!

    Ooooooo

    I can't hide HEY!

    My evil ways

     

    (Long Solo)

     

    Well I can't hide

    Ooooo

    And I won't hide

    Ooooo yeah!

    Well I can't hide

    Ooooo ouh!

    Caus’ I can't hide

    My evil ways

     

    You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night

     

    The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

    I dreamt I held you in my arms

    When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

    So I bowed my head and I cried

     

    You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

    You make me happy when skies are grey

    You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

    Please don't take my sunshine away

     

    I've always loved you and made you happy

    And nothing else could come between

    But now you've left me to love another

    You have shattered all of my dreams

     

    You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

    You make me happy when skies are grey

    You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

    Please don't take my sunshine away

     

    Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre

     

    Creepy Western Instrumental Interlude

     

    Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder

     

    It's all the same, only the names will change

    Every day, it seems we're wastin' away

    Another place where the faces are so cold

    I drive all night just to get back home

     

     

    I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

    I'm wanted dead or alive

    Wanted dead or alive

     

    Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days

    The people I meet always go their separate ways

    Sometimes you tell the day

    By the bottle that you drink

    And times, when you're all alone all you do, is think

     

    I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

    I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive

    Wanted (wanted) dead or alive

     

    Oh, and I ride

     

    (Yeah)

     

    Oh, and I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

    I'm wanted dead or alive

     

    I walk these streets

    A loaded six-string on my back

    I play for keeps 'cause I might not make it back

    I've been everywhere, still, I'm standing tall

    I've seen a million faces

    And I've rocked them all

     

    I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride

    I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive

    I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side

    I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive

    And I ride, dead or alive

    I still drive (I still drive) dead or alive

    Dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive

     

    I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal

     

    Hickory, oak, pine, and weed

    Bury my heart underneath these trees

    And when a southern wind comes to raise my soul

    Spread my spirit like a flock of crows

     

    'Cause I've loved you for too long

    I've loved you for too long

    I've loved you for too long

     

    Old heat of raging fire

    Come and light my eyes

    Summer's kiss to electric wire

    But I'll never die

     

    Sycamore, ash, moss, and loam

    Wrap your roots all around my bones

    And when they come for me

    When they call my name

    Cast my shadow from a bellow's flame

     

    'Cause I've loved you for too long

    I've loved you for too long

    I've loved you for too long

     

    (So let the storm come)

     

    Old heat of raging fire

    Come and light my eyes

    Summer's kiss to electric wire

    But I'll never die

     

    I will never die

     

    You can bury my body, but I'll never die

     

    In the dead of night

    (In the dead of night)

    I'm gonna loose these chains

    (I'm gonna loose these chains)

    I'm gonna run and run and run and run and run

    (Sing on, sister)

    I'm gonna run and run and run and run

    Coming for you again

    (Oh, coming for you again)

     

    So let the storm come

     

    Old heat of raging fire

    Come and light my eyes

    Summer's kiss to electric wire

    But I'll never die

     

    I will never die

     

    You can bury my body, but I'll never die

     

    Hickory, oak, pine, and weed

    Bury my heart underneath these trees

     

    You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise

     

    This is more than you can handle

    This is more than you will ever know

     

    Stop now thinking there’s another way

    You don’t even have the words to say

     

    Look around you, look around you

    Look around you, you’re all alone

     

    Don’t worry, you will find me

    When you need me, I am watching you

    Don’t worry, you will find me

    When you call me, I am listening

    Don’t worry, you will find me

    When you need me, I am watching you

    Don’t worry, you will find me

    Don’t worry, you will find me

     

    • 1
      entry
    • 0
      comments
    • 481
      views

    Recent Entries

    MrM
    Latest Entry

    pEKzf4F.jpg

     

     

      

    Track List

    ——————————————————

    1. Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience
    2. Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him
    3. Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day
    4. Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression
    5. The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession
    6. See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion
    7. Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises 
    8. Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’
    9. I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity
    10. Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness
    11. In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him
    12. The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality
    13. Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More
    14. Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool
    15. Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely
    16. So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate
    17. Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish
    18. Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored
    19. The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling
    20. Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix  (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! 
    21. Love Will Tears Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons
    22. The Crying Game (Boy George) - Loveless Again
    23. Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out
    24. Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell
    25. The Rumor (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’
    26. Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance

    ————————————

    Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience

     

    Crosses in the distance, bells ring fast

    Loveless in our shelter, time will pass

    Could you take the chance on us?

    Could you take the chance on us?

     

    Call out to the lonely with regrets

    Loveless is your answer, time will pass

    Couldn’t take a chance on us

    Couldn’t take a chance on us

     

    Take my hand

    In belief we trace our steps

    Understand

    No relief in silhouettes

     

    Battled myself so many times

    What I was isn’t what I want now

    We can seek denial and search for miles

     

    Blessed love, the love I need

    Rolling drums, the Loveless bleed

     

    Take my hand

    In belief we trace our steps

    Understand

    No relief in silhouettes

     

    Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him

     

    Oh it's Sunday night

    I am lying in my bed

    Thinking of the time

    When I was in your arms

    The other day

    Oh it's been so long

    I could not see

    Waiting for someone

    That was always right

    In front of me

     

    Why didn't I say something?

    Didn't do something?

    When I knew right

    Yeah, you could be with me

    Why was I so blind?

    Why didn't I take the time?

    And now you're gone, boy

    Oh you could be with me

     

    Oh I'm lying in my bed

    And I can not sleep

    Thinking of the things

    That You said to me, my baby

    You're out of reach

    Tossing and turning

    I cannot sleep

    Haunted by the things

    That I did not say, my baby

    You're out of reach

    You're out of reach

     

    If I could go back and rewind

    I'd show you that

    You're more than just a friend

    In every way

    I'd tell you all my secrets

    Boy, if you come back

    I'll never let you down

    I'll let you in

     

    Oh I'm lying in my bed

    And I can not sleep

    Thinking of the things

    That you said to me, my baby

    You're out of reach

    Tossing and turning

    I cannot sleep

    Haunted by the things

    That I did not say, my baby

    You're out of reach

    You're out of reach

     

    Where are you now when the lights are low?

    Cause I'm thinking of you, I won't let you go

     

    Why didn't I say something?

    Didn't do something?

    When I knew right

    Yeah, you could be with me

     

    Oh I'm lying in my bed

    And I can not sleep

    Thinking of the things

    You said to me, to me

    Oh I'm lying in my bed

    And I can not sleep

    Thinking of the things

    You said to me, to me

     

    Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day

     

    Good times for a change

    Seems the luck I've had

    Can make a good man

    Turn bad

     

    So please, please, please

    Let me, let me, let me

    Let me get what I want

    This time

     

    Haven't had a dream in a long time

    Seems the life I've had

    Can make a good man bad

     

    So for once in my life

    Let me get what I want

    Lord knows, it would be the first time

    Lord knows, it would be the first time

     

    Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression

     

    I'm not going down on my knees,

    Begging you to adore me

    Can't you see it's misery

    And torture for me

    When I'm misunderstood

    Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could

    To make you see

    How important it is for me

     

    Here is a plea

    From my heart to you

    Nobody knows me

    As well as you do

    You know how hard it is for me

    To shake the disease

    That takes hold of my tongue

    In situations like these

     

    Understand me

     

    Some people have to be

    Permanently together

    Lovers devoted to

    Each other forever

    Now I've got things to do

    And I've said before that I know you have too

    When I'm not there

    In spirit I'll be there

     

    Here is a plea

    From my heart to you

    Nobody knows me

    As well as you do

    You know how hard it is for me

    To shake the disease

    That takes hold of my tongue

    In situations like these

     

    Understand me

     

    The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession

     

    The more you ignore me

    The closer I get

    You're wasting your time

    The more you ignore me

    The closer I get

    You're wasting your time

     

    I will be

    In the bar

    With my head

    On the bar

    I am now

    A central part

    Of your mind's landscape

    Whether you care

    Or do not

    Yeah, I've made up your mind

     

    The more you ignore me

    The closer I get

    You're wasting your time

    The more you ignore me

    The closer I get

    You're wasting your time

     

    Beware!

    I bear more grudges

    Than lonely high court judges

    When you sleep

    I will creep

    Into your thoughts

    Like a bad debt

    That you can't pay

    Take the easy way

    And give in

    Yeah, and let me in

    Oh, let me in

    Oh, let me ahhh

    Oh, let me in

    It's war

    It's war

    It's war

    It's war

    It's war

    War

    War

    War

    War

    Oh, let me in

    Ah, the closer I get

    Oh, you're asking for it

    Ah, the closer I get

    Ooh, the closer I get

     

    See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion

     

    All I want to do is see you again

    Is that too much to ask for?

    I just want to see your sweet smile

    Smile the way it was before 

    Well I'll try not to hold you

    And I'll try not to kiss you

     

    And I won't even touch you 

    All I want to do is see you

    Don't you know that it's true 

     

    I remember the days when we'd walk through the woods

    And sit on a bench for a while

    I treasure the way we used to laugh and play

    And look in each others eyes 

    You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistance

     

    But I swear I won't touch you 

    All I want to do is see you

    Don't you know that it's true 

     

    Well, I know five months is a long time

    And that times change (oh that times change)

    But I think that you will find

    People are basically the same (basically the same) 

     

    If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swim

    And do the things we used to do

    And if I'm reluctant you can pull me in

    And we can relive our youth 

    Oh, but we'll stay friendly like friends and brothers

     

    Though I think I still love you

    All I want to do is see you

    Don't you know that it's true?

     

    Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises 

     

    It's time we should talk about it

    There's no secret kept in here

    Forgive me for asking

    Now wipe away your tears

     

    And if I wish to stop it all

    And if I wish to comfort the fall

    It's just wishful thinking

     

    I sat on the roof

    And watched the day go by

    I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands

    Makes it all worthwhile

     

    And if I wish to stop it all

    And if I wish to comfort the fall

    It's just wishful thinking

     

    It's time we should talk about it

    There's no secret kept in here

    I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands

    Makes it all worthwhile

     

    And if I wish to stop it all

    And if I wish to comfort the fall

    And if I wish to stop it all

    And if I wish to comfort the fall

    It's just wishful thinking

     

    Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’

     

    We walked the loneliest mile

    We smile without any style

    We kiss all together wrong

    No intention

     

    We lie about what each other thinks

    We live without each other

    Thinking what anyone would do

    Without me and you

     

    It's like I told you

    Only the lonely can play

     

    So hold on, here we go

    Hold on to nothin' we know

    I feel so lonely

    Way up here

     

    You mention the time we were together

    So long ago well I don't remember

    All I know is it makes me feel good now

     

    It's like I told you only the lonely can play

    Only the lonely only the lonely can play

     

    Only the lonely only the lonely can play

    It's like I told you only the lonely can play

    Only the lonely

    Only the lonely can play

     

    I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity

     

    Stay here with me before you go

    You know you're sweet the way you are

    Fall on my knees, I can't hold on

    ‘Cause I won't sleep 'til I am with

     

    You, I'll kiss your chapped lips

    We've shared my mattress

    I'll always come back

     

    With you, you'll hold my jacket

    We're leaving separate

    You'll never come back

     

    Walk in your sleep to the backyard

    Dig up the bones of what once was

    I'm growing weak from working hard

    A shimmerless life when I'm without

     

    You, I'll kiss your chapped lips

    We've shared my mattress

    I'll always come back

     

    With you, you'll hold my jacket

    We're leaving separate

    You'll never come back

     

    Take back what I said

    I know that you've tried too

    If I had what I want

    Let time go without us

     

    With You, I'll kiss your chapped lips

    We've shared my mattress

    I'll always come back

     

    With you, you'll hold my jacket

    We're leaving separate

    You'll never come back

     

    Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness

     

    [Chorus: x2]

    Come on and lay with me

    Come on and lie to me

    Tell me you love me

    Say I'm the only one

     

    Experiences have a lasting impression

    But words once spoken

    Don't mean a lot now

     

    Belief is the way

    The way of the innocent

    And when I say innocent

    I should say naïve

     

    So lie to me

    But do it with sincerity

    Make me listen

    Just for a minute

    Make me think

    There's some truth in it

     

    [Chorus: x2]

     

    Promises made for convenience

    Aren't necessarily

    What we need

    Truth is a word

    That's lost its meaning

    The truth has become

    Merely half-truth

     

    So lie to me

    Like they do it in the factory

    Make me think

    That at the end of the day

    Some great reward

    Will be coming my way

     

    [Chorus: Repeats]

     

    In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him

     

    In your room

    Where time stands still

    Or moves at your will

    Will you let the morning come soon

    Or will you leave me lying here

    In your favourite darkness

    Your favourite half-light

    Your favourite consciousness

    Your favourite slave 

     

    In your room

    Where souls disappear

    Only you exist here

    Will you lead me to your armchair

    Or leave me lying here

    Your favourite innocence

    Your favourite prize

    Your favourite smile

    Your favourite slave 

     

    I'm hanging on your words

    Living on your breath

    Feeling with your skin

    Will I always be here 

     

    In your room

    Your burning eyes

    Cause flames to arise

    Will you let the fire die down soon

    Or will I always be here

    Your favourite passion

    Your favourite game

    Your favourite mirror

    Your favourite slave 

     

    I'm hanging on your words

    Living on your breath

    Feeling with your skin

    Will I always be here

     

    The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality

     

    That's all I wanted from you, love 

    That's all I need 

    That's all I wanted from you, love 

    I want release 

    That's all I wanted from you, love 

    Oh, release 

    That's all I wanted from your touch 

    Your golden leaks 

     

    I want to... I want to breathe 

    I want you... I want release 

    I want to... want to breathe 

    I want you... I want release 

     

    This is the last day of the summer, so wake up boy x4 

    This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy 

    This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy 

    This is the last day... 

    This is the last day of your world, Golden Boy

     

    Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More

     

    Everybody knows you’re not perfect 

    But you still do your best to hide your flaws. 

     

    Everything you do is just surface 

    But we all know what goes on behind closed doors. 

     

    You’ll never know how it feels 

    To be out on a limb, in the wind. 

     

    And you’ll never know how much it hurts 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

     

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

     

    Everything we do is falling snowflakes 

    It will all have melted by the dawn. 

    Give up all your fears for your own sakes 

    And follow me out into the storm. 

     

    You’ll never know how it feels 

    To be out on a limb, in the wind. 

     

    And you’ll never know how much it hurts 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

     

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars 

    To fall so hard you see stars

     

    Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool

     

    I remember when you filled my heart with joy

    Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space?

    'Cause now you have no interest in anything that I have to say

    And I have allowed you to make me feel, I feel so dumb

    What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside

     

    You made a fool of me

    Tell me why

    You say that you don't care that we made love

    Tell me why

    You made a fool of me . . . you made a fool of me

     

    I want to kiss you

    Does he want you with the pain that I do?

    I smell you in my dreams

    But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye

    No time, No friendship, No love

     

    You say don't touch you

    I can't touch you no more

    Can't touch you anymore, anymore

    I don't touch you anymore

     

    You made a fool of me

    Tell me why

    You say that you don't care that we made love

    Tell me why

    You made a fool of me, you made a fool of me

     

    Tell me why.

     

    Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely

     

    Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us

    Broke me in two 

    We could've spent our life together

    Now we're pushed apart forever

     

    Not long to go

    I gotta get myself together

    Ain't gonna be like this forever

     

    Our broken dreams

    Now I can't believe our love is finally over

     

    It hurts too much to be apart

    Is it real, this love?

    Can you feel my touch?

     

    Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us

    Broke me in two 

    We could've spent our life together

    Now we're pushed apart forever

     

    It hurts too much to be apart

    Is it real, this love?

    Can you feel my touch?

     

    So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate

     

    Talk to me, don't lie to me

    Save your breath

    Don't look at me, don't smile at me

    Just close your eyes

     

    I was so impressed by you

    I was running blind

    I would fall for every trick

    Every twist of mind

     

    Heaven is cold

    Without any soul

    It's hard to believe

    I was so in love with you

     

    ~ Jimmy thinks Billy is saying with his silence

    Don't say your prayers, don't build your hopes

    Just walk away

    Don't phone me up, don't call around

    Don't waste your time’ 

     

    You were so in awe of me

    You were so divine

    You would do just anything

    To still be mine’

     

    Heaven is cold

    Without any soul

    It's hard to believe

    I was so in love with you

     

    All the things you said to me

    I was so obsessed

    You were always talking, talking

    God, I did my best

     

    Heaven is cold

    Without any soul

    It's hard to believe

    I was so in love with you

     

    (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold

    Without any soul

    It's hard to believe

    I was so in love with you

     

    (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold

    Without any soul

    It's hard to believe

    I was so in love with you

     

    I was so in love, I was so in love, I was so in love with you

    So in love with you

     

    Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish

     

    No, I can't forget this evening

    Or your face as you were leaving

    But I guess that's just the way the story goes

    You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows

    Yes, it shows

     

    No, I can't forget tomorrow

    When I think of all my sorrows

    When I had you there, but then you let me go

    And now it's only fair that I should let you know

    What you should know

     

    I can't live, if living is without you

    I can't give, I can't give any more

    Can't live, if living is without you

    Can't give, I can't give any more

     

    No, I can't forget this evening

    Or your face as you were leaving

    But I guess that's just the way the story goes

    You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows

    Yes, it shows

     

    I can't live, if living is without you

    I can't give, I can't give any more

    Can't live, if living is without you

    Can't give, I can't give any more

     

    I can't live, if living is without you

    I can't give, I can't give any more

    I can't live, if living is without you

    I can't give, I can't give any more

     

    I can't live, if living is without you

    I can't give, I can't give any more

     

    Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored

     

    Scared of losing touch 

    If I really mean that much 

    Why pretend that you love him? 

    Don't call me out of the blue 

    It's clear that I still do 

    And you know he knows it too. 

    Going home alone 

    The only love I've known 

    It's always been you. 

    It's always been you. 

     

    Tell me it's not real 

    Tell me he doesn't make you feel 

    The way I made you feel 

    If you care for me at all 

    You'll hang up when I call 

    You'll clear me the space to fall 

    If you give I will receive 

    And despite what they believe 

    It's always been you. 

    It's always been you. 

    It's always been you. 

     

    ~ Sam’s Helping Hand

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know 

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know 

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know 

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know 

     

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know ‘

     

    It's always been you. 

     

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know ‘

     

    It's always been you. 

     

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know’ 

     

    It's always been you. 

     

    When you're feeling alone 

    And you're colder than stone 

    Call me you know ‘

     

    It's always been you. 

     

    It's always been you.

     

    The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling

     

    How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad?

    How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad?

    Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand.

    If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?

    How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away?

    How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say?

    How Could The One I Was So True Too, Just Tell Me Lies?

    How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break This Heart Of Mine?

    Tell Me........

     

    How Could You Be So Cold To Me? When I Gave You Everything.

    All My Love, All I Had Inside.

    How Could you Just Walk Out The Door?

    How Could You Not Love Me Anymore?

     

    I Thought We Had Forever.

    I Cant Understand.

     

    How Could The One I Shared My Dreams With, Take My Dreams From me?

    How Could The Love That Brought Such Pleasure, Bring Such Misery?

    Won’t Somebody Tell Me? Somebody Tell Me Please.

    If You Love Me, How Could You Do That To Me?

    Tell Me........

     

    How Could you Just Walk Out The Door?

    How Could You Not Love Me Anymore?

    I Thought We Had Forever.

    I Cant Understand.

     

    *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad?

    How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad?

    Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand.

    If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?*

     

    How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away?

    How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say?

    How Could The One I Was So True Too Just Tell Me Lies?

     

    *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To.....

    How Could The One I Gave My Heart To....

    How Could The One I Gave My Heart To Break This Heart of Mine?

    Tell Me........

     

    Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix  (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! 

     

    Flicking through yesterday’s news 

    Slipping my neck into the noose again 

    Well it fits so well. 

    Doesn't know where his loyalties lie - 

    Then again neither do I. 

    Going out thinking I am there 

    Waking up in his arms but then

    I Never knew it would be so hard 

    Never knew I would be a part of this 

    Bitterness. 

     

    I try to fall awake but I still sleep 

    Wait for a week but I am weak 

    And resolutions fail 

    And once again I'm throwing stones 

    At your window. 

    Throwing stones 

    At your window. 

     

    Stand in the payphone, count to ten 

    But you won’t call me back again. 

    Sends a little shiver right through me 

    When I hear you running down to me. 

    But I know you’ll only turn away 

    ‘Cause you've got nothing left to say to me 

    Well; hear me out. 

     

    I try to fall awake but I still sleep 

    Wait for a week but I am weak. 

    And resolutions fail 

    And once again I'm throwing stones 

    At your window. 

    Throwing stones 

    At your window. 

    Throwing stones 

    At your window. 

    Throwing Stones 

    At your window.

     

     Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons

     

    ~ Sending a photo hoping Billy will think this about Brandon

    ‘When routine bites hard

    And ambitions are low

    And resentment rides high

    But emotions won't grow

    And we're changing our ways, taking different roads

     

    Then love, love will tear us apart again

    Love, love will tear us apart again

     

    Why is the bedroom so cold?

    You've turned away on your side

    Is my timing that flawed?

    Our respect runs so dry

    Yet there's still this appeal

    That we've kept through our lives

     

    But love, love will tear us apart again

    Love, love will tear us apart again

     

    You cry out in your sleep

    All my failings exposed

    And there's a taste in my mouth

    As desperation takes hold

    Just that something so good just can't function no more

     

    But love, love will tear us apart again

    Love, love will tear us apart again

    Love, love will tear us apart again

    Love, love will tear us apart again’

     

    The Crying Game (Boy George) - To Be Loveless Again

     

    I know all there is to know about the crying game

    I've had my share of the crying game

    First there are kisses

    Then there are sighs

    And then, before you know where you are

    You're sayin' goodbye

     

    One day soon, I'm gonna tell the moon about the crying game

    And if he knows, maybe he'll explain

    Why there are heartaches (Heartaches)?

    Why there are tears (So sad)?

    Then what to do to stop feeling blue

    When love disappears

     

    First there are kisses (Kisses)

    Then there are sighs (So sad)

    And then, before you know where you are

    You're sayin' goodbye

     

    Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more)

    Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more)

    Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more)

    Don't want no more of the crying game

     

     Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out

     

    Through early morning fog I see

    Visions of the things to be

    The pains that are withheld for me

    I realize and I can see

     

    That suicide is painless

    It brings on many changes

    And I can take or leave it if I please

     

    The game of life is hard to play

    I'm gonna lose it anyway

    The losing card I'll someday lay

    So this is all I have to say

     

    Suicide is painless (suicide)

    It brings on many changes (changes)

    And I can take or leave it if I please

     

    The sword of time will pierce our skins

    It doesn't hurt when it begins

    But as it works its way on in

    The pain grows stronger

    Watch it grin

     

    Suicide is painless

    It brings on many changes

    And I can take or leave it if I please

     

    A brave man once requested me

    To answer questions that are key

    Is it to be or not to be?’

    And I replied, ‘oh why ask me?’

     

    Suicide is painless

    It brings on many changes

    And I can take or leave it if I please

     

    And you can do the same thing if you please

     

    Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell

     

    It's a shame that it had to be this way

    It's not enough to say I'm sorry

    It's not enough to say I'm sorry

     

    Maybe I'm to blame

    Or maybe we're the same

    But, either way I can't breathe

    Either way I can't breathe

     

    All I had to say is goodbye

    We're better off this way

    We're better off this way

     

    I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive

    Cause everything we've been through

    And everything about you

    Seemed to be a lie

    A guiltless twisted lie

    It made me learn to hate you

    Or hate myself for letting it pass by

     

    All I had to say is goodbye

    We're better off this way

    We're better off this way

    All I had to say is goodbye

    We're better off this way

    We're better off this way

     

    And every, everything isn't only

    What it seemed so hold these

    Words that you never told me

    Its time to say goodbye

    Its time to say goodbye

    Its time to say goodbye

    Goodbye

     

    Bye

     

    Take my pain away

    Tear it out

    Tell me I was wrong

    Tell me I was wrong

     

    Take my pain away

    Tear it out

    Tell me I was wrong

    Tell me I was wrong

     

    Take my pain away

    Tear it out

    Tell me I was wrong

    Tell me I was wrong

     

    (And so on)

     

    The Rumour (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’

     

    Boy of fourteen

    Whole life ahead of him

    Slashed his wrists 

    Bored with life

    Didn't succeed 

    Thank the Lord

    For small mercies

     

    Fighting back the tears

    Mother reads the note again

    Fourteen candles burn in her mind

    She takes the blame

    It's always the same

    She goes down on her knees

    And prays . . .

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    Boy of fourteen

    Fell in love with somebody

    Found new life inside their eyes

    Hit by a lie 

    Ended up

    On a life support machine

     

    Summer's day 

    As he passed away

    Birds were singing 

    In the summer's sky

    Then came the rain

    And once again

    A tear fell

    From his mother's eye

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    I don't want to start 

    Any blasphemous rumours

    But I think that God's 

    Got a sick sense of humour 

    And when I die

    I expect to find Him laughing’

     

    Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance

     

    When the dark wood fell before me

    And all the paths were overgrown

    When the priests of pride say there is no other way

    I tilled the sorrows of stone

     

    I did not believe because I could not see

    Though you came to me in the night

    When the dawn seemed forever lost

    You showed me your love in the light of the stars

     

    Cast your eyes on the ocean

    Cast your soul to the sea

    When the dark night seems endless

    Please remember me

     

    Then the mountain rose before me

    By the deep well of desire

    From the fountain of forgiveness

    Beyond the ice and fire

     

    Cast your eyes on the ocean

    Cast your soul to the sea

    When the dark night seems endless

    Please remember me

     

    Though we share this humble path, alone

    How fragile is the heart

    Oh give these clay feet wings to fly

    To touch the face of the stars

     

    Breathe life into this feeble heart

    Lift this mortal veil of fear

    Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears

    We'll rise above these earthly cares

     

    Cast your eyes on the ocean

    Cast your soul to the sea

    When the dark night seems endless

    Please remember me

     

    Please remember me

    Please remember me

    Please remember me . . .

  2. This challenge was so popular two weeks ago and we have another open blog today, so I thought we'd have some more Halloween fun. It's almost here! It's a super simple challenge that helps get your creative juices flowing... write a caption for this image below that tells a story and share it in the blog comments. You have just 30 words or less to share what you think is happening in the picture. Narrate the scene, give a spooky reason why those jack-o-lantern's are clustered there, or give us a peek at the events about to happen... Are they about to get revenge for the carving? Eeek!  

     

    You tell us! 

     

    pumpkins-1586516_640.jpg

    CAPTION THIS

     

     

    Remember, authors, you can get featured in the site blogs with several author features but you have to sign up for them! 

    Story Critique: Open to all GA authors. Sign up here

    Story Recommendations:  Open to all GA authors & readers. PM your recommendation and why you recommend it to a Site Admin.

  3. Dabeagle
    Latest Entry

    There comes a point where you might look at your work and wonder how good or bad it is. You may wonder which mistakes you're making, be they grammatical or creative. Sometimes an editor or beta reader helps you catch those things, but what if it's what you intended? How much do our intentions, in the front of our mind of unconsciously, play into the final product? I'd imagine the answer is different for different writers, so I can only give you my view.

     

    One of the things I do is make teenage characters sound too old, too mature. There are some kids who act older than their age, but by and large they don't. I have kids. They aren't like my characters, except perhaps in small flashes. In fact my theory of parenting is tiny bits of wonderful surrounded by a whole lot of WTF. SO why would I write characters that aren't the norm for that age group? Well, I'll tell you why.

     

    Where do young people get a lot of information, both good and bad or just plan wrong? The internet. For all the good things, we have to accept the bad as well and the fact is you can put just about anything you like up there and some schlub will believe it. That is dangerous in a general sense, but even worse when you head toward the industry that leads the way forward in so many things - technology, online business and I'm referring to porn, of course. It's ready available, in fact you can search for something not associated with porn and still find a porn site. There are free cams that require no more than you saying that you're of age no matter how old you really are. Kids are clever, especially when it comes to satisfying those curiosities. Usually, they don't have the maturity to handle that. In my opinion, it's worse for gay kids. In a world where there are people who do all the things they do to gay people as a class, it's even worse when you're a kid. If you never wanted to tell your straight son that a VW bus full of cheerleaders wasn't going to roll into his driveway and have wild sex with him - but did because porn is all about fantasy, you did the right thing. I wish more people would talk to their kids about porn instead of just telling them no.

     

    So, then, if people talk to their straight kids about porn in a meaningful way (I'm guessing a middling percent might), how much lower are the numbers for gay kids? Where will they learn about relationships and the role sexual intimacy plays? Porn? If they did choose to read my stuff, they might find a better way. To delve into the ideas that we care about our partners, that they feel good with us and give consent to be a part of whatever is happening. Will they relate to the more mature characters? Maybe, if it's laid out logically and they can see the path it took to get there.

     

    I recall watching the Fosters on TV and someone saying to me 'They just go from the kids doing one stupid thing to another. Don't they ever learn?' I wonder how many kids it helped, and how many rolled their eyes and said 'How dumb can they be?' Hey, kids screw up. Some adults screw up more than a kid. Sometimes logic doesn't play a big role. I try to balance some of that, but in the end I want young people to take away the idea of respectful, meaningful relationships and not substitute sex for love.

     

    So my younger character will probably continue to be more mature than they should be, for the most part. But it's for a good reason.

  4. Ever look back and realize you've done more than you thought you did?

     

    I've mentioned some word counts before. Edited chapter 4 of "2-14-9X" today for @Comicality's magazine. When I pasted the edits into this running word file I keep the whole story in I noticed something. 

     

    30, 747 words

     

    Now, that's not too far from the last publicized count, I know. But it's still been a while since I took stock of the whole, you know?

     

    Considering most of that was written between December 2017 and March 2018 progress has slowed considerably. But, to those of you who read my interview in the March 2018 issue of @Comicality's Imagine Magazine, my writing hasn't, and isn't always as readily available of my imagination.

     

    The gap between imagining something, no matter how detailed, and expressing that vision. is sometimes wider than others. Sometimes it's the crack in the sidewalk between to slabs, something unnoticed as w=one goes along. Sometimes it's a canyon, and there isn't always a bridge. Sometimes it feels so far that one side is out of sight of the other.

     

    Even when it's working, another issue is control. I may say "I really need to edit chapter 5, I'm behind schedule," only to have my concentration slide away from me to concepts, scenes, whole stories, that have nothing to do with a certain night's events that happened to be on Valentine's Day. And trying to force it one way instead of where it wants to go can mean that nothing really gets done. Proofreading is one thing, and that can be hard enough to concentrate on, but editing is more than that. In the case of chapter 5 well, there are things that have to work or… Well they don't yet so no chapter 5 for you guys. And I may say that "chapter 8 really needs some attention" (XP) same deal. Just because I want to write it doesn't mean that's what I can concentrate on. I mean just look at chapter 2 of predators 3/4 finished since before I started 2 – 14 – 9X. I know what happens next, I watched it play out a a dozen times in my head.

     

    (Are you loving or hating a look behind the scenes right now? Be honest.)

     

    And sometimes, this is speaking more historically, there's a difference between writing something, writing something that's good, and writing something that's useful. I have at least three "novels" that are each unfinished, probably more than 100 pages apiece, and they tell so little of the story for all that wordage that it's not even funny. Not to me anyway. It's not that what I wrote is bad, it's just... ugh. Slow. Or focuses so much on setting that by the time the actors start doing something there's no momentum carried over from the previous scene.

     

    So maybe there's only been a few thousand words of progress over the last few months. But trust me, a few thousand words of progress are better than tens of thousands that don't go anywhere.  

     

    *Looks offstage when there's muttering from the wings* "Yes yes I'm still going to tell your stories someday."

     

    Probably in the grand scheme of things my old writing accomplishes in more than 100 pages less story mileage than I've managed to do in Predators: 2-4-9X thus far. 

     

    I'll take the right 4k words over the good but useless 40k I might otherwise have added in the past. Am I making sense?

     

    Writing aside, life presents its obstacles and distractions. Work, home, mood disorders, drama drama drama, even as a spectator. Sigh.

     

    I've got a couple people that might become beta readers. That will help if it happens. Nothing refuels focus on writing like talking about it with people.

     

    I've also joined a writing group IRL. While I don't know ow much that will help, I'm not exactly eager to volunteer "hey I write about teenagers having sex. Gay ones." I mean, that's not what I want to be the focus of my writing, the emotions are what matter but I think we all know that's the part that would stand out.

     

    They do something for national novel writing month and I have vague operations of participating. Which is why, except for engaging with my potential beta readers and if the mood strikes me to do otherwise, I'm going to be focusing on prep work for a short story that has been preoccupying me and the broader story that it inspired because that may be my NaNoWiMo project.

     

    I know 2-14 is already behind schedule and any diehards have been waiting for seven years for Predators chapter 2. But I hope my readers and fellow writers and everyone here can focus on the positive. If I even get close that means you guys could see something pretty complete. And writing is writing.

    .

    I started this log entry thinking about how far I've come, it makes sense to leave it at I thought of how far I have to go.

     

    I've said before, in that interview actually, my writing is my journey, and I hope that some of you want to come along.

     

     

    • 2
      entries
    • 16
      comments
    • 573
      views

    Recent Entries

    CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING BLOG ENTRY TALKS ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT AND MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

    Hey everyone :hug: ,

    How’s everyone? I hope everyone’s doing good. I haven’t been doing that great. I might say, I have been doing quite awful suffering from both depression and anxiety for the past two months or so. I have been kind of absent from the site due to being extremely busy with the university for the past couple of months (dissertation is not the most favourite thing for me to do).

    Anyways, this feeling of awfulness started a about three months back, the day after I turned 24. To support myself through the uni I (used to) work at a fast food restaurant what also involved delivering the food to the costumer’s place. On one of these deliveries, I called the costumer when at his place, he buzzed me inside and I went up to his apartment. The door was open and I could hear some noises so, I knocked and waited for him. He appeared from the corner carrying some boxes and asked me to leave the food on the kitchen counter. Now, this wasn’t the first time a costumer asked me to carry the food inside. So, I didn’t think much of it and went inside, put the food on counter and told him the price of the order (It was not paid already). While he went to get the money, I realised that the sounds were coming from a porn movie. Suddenly, I felt extremely uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He brought the money and it was all coins.

    So, I had to stand there and count all of them before leaving. As, I was counting he started saying things like “I’m so horny” or “Are you horny” etc. I kept trying to ignore him and tried to finish counting as soon as possible while all of a sudden, he touched me (there). I don’t know why, but I was immediately paralysed. Probably due to fear or surprise or a mixture of both, I’m not completely sure to be honest. He then proceeded to do whatever he felt like. I almost felt like I had no control over whatever was happening. I wanted to yell at him to stop and get away from me, kick at him and run away but neither any sound came out of my mouth nor my hands moved to stop him. I kind of blacked out but could still see and feel everything and it was horrifying. After he was done he just got up and went to clean himself up. Meanwhile, I regained my senses enough to just get up and bolted away from there (I didn’t even bother taking the money). As soon as I got on to the road I just puked all of my breakfast on the side (in the bushes), returned to the restaurant, told them I wasn’t feeling well, went home and scrubbed myself in the shower.

    I was utterly disgusted with the entire experience and felt like extremely violated and also that I wasn’t clean no matter how many showers I have taken. The worst part of this entire experience was that my body still reacted to his actions and it felt like my own body failed me in this entire process. I just ended curling up at my home for most of the next two days almost never leaving the bed. One half of my mind kept telling me that I had been sexually assaulted while the other kept saying that I really haven’t because I never objected to it. All of this led to my depression becoming worse and for the first time, I felt ashamed to face the world. Even through my childhood and teenage growing up as an Lgbt+ kid, I never felt the feeling of shame and ended up losing any inspiration to do any sort of work. Not to mention the fear of contracting an STD. This led to my assignments being submitted late or unfinished or both at times and affected my grades.

    The worst part doesn’t even start here. Remember, I called him before to get to his address? Well, he also now had my phone number and hence kept calling me at random times with often lewd suggestions and offers to come to his place because his wife was away. He also turned up a my workplace more than a couple of times. I ended up blocking his number and he then started blocking his caller ID or even calling me from different phone numbers. And thanks to all of these actions, I became extremely anxious and now have to keep an inhaler with me in case of an asthma attack (the asthma existed in my family before, I didn’t get asthma because of him but it’s onslaught started a lot earlier than it should have thanks to the conditions). The queasiness in the stomach never stops. Finally, 5 days ago, when he called me, I warned him against calling me and threatened to disclose all of this matter to his wife and also told him that I secretly recorded his previous calls. It seemed to have scared him and he hasn’t contacted me ever since.

    I finally decided to see a psychologist about all of these issues and my first appointment will be on the next week. I am still quite unsure on how to approach the subject and my sexuality in general and the issues I have developed growing up in a homophobic environment and country. I really needed to tell this to someone because I really need to concentrate on my assignments and exams and the psychologist appointment is still a week away and I wasn’t sure I would feel the best after I speak about topics such as my sexuality and mental health issues.

    I do have several questions, am I wrong in being angry and sad that I have been violated against my consent? Can it even be considered a sexual assault if I necessarily didn’t even object? It wasn’t like he hit me and forced himself on me. I really wasn’t able to act at all. Am I wrong in getting sad that my first sexual experience with someone else was this? Is this even considered sex? Am I thinking too much about this?

    Anyways, thanks for reading everyone. I really appreciate being able to share this horrible experience with someone, I really needed that. Hope everyone has a great day/night :hug: .

    Victor

    P.S. I apologise for any grammatical errors as I really did not proof read because I just wanted to type it and post it immediately. And I generally use British/ Australian spellings, so please excuse all the additional 'u's and the 's' in the spellings :P :lol:

    EDIT: I'm not completely sure if this sort of topic can be posted in a blog. If it cannot be, just let me know and I would be happy to remove it. Thank you :)

  5. Needless to say, my life is one big fuck up right now. Everything seems to be going to the shits. Well, not everything. Two significant parts of my life remain on track. My reading is prodigious right now. I am actively reading: Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman, Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett, The Seventh Cross by Anna Seghers, Hiroshima by John Hersey, Blood’s a Rover by Harlan Ellison, and most of The New Yorker when it comes to the house most weeks. Yeah, you’re asking how do I keep track of it all. Well, I do, somehow. The other thing going on correctly right now is my next story. It had a working title of The Reluctant Father up until yesterday when I changed it to Canes. I working on Chapter 8 right now. It is a psycho-sexual family drama about a sixty-something gay widower and a young gay teen who has an unhealthy relationship with railroad locomotives. It’s not so much that they go fast, but exactly what happens if you’re standing in front of one when it’s going 50 mph.

     

    So, what’s going on with the rest of my live? Well, you see we have this thirteen week old German Shepherd puppy that—although she belongs to my son—is my responsibility during the day because he works swing shift, comes home and stays up until three or four in the morning, doesn’t get up until one or one-thirty in the afternoon, and he leaves for work at two-fifteen so he can get to work an hour early so he can read the newspaper.

     

    Then yesterday afternoon when he got up to eat his breakfast, his regular bowl was dirty because he’d used it for a snack the previous night, so, he got a bowl out of the cupboard. Now, these bowls are not cereal bowls; they’re more dessert sized, which means he has to keep the box of cereal and the jug of milk on the table so he can have a sizeable breakfast.

     

    “Why didn’t you wash your bowl?” I asked foolishly.

     

    “Oh, you know, I don’t do service work anymore. The house nigger should’ve cleaned it before I got up.”

     

    Yeah, that’s his nickname for me.

     

    The house nigger does the dishes, sweeps the floors, does the grocery shopping, and raises his mastuh’s dogs.

     

    Plus, my knees are giving out on me, but the VA orthopedic surgeons won’t send me outside to get artificial knees because I weigh too much. I think I need to lose about another ten pounds. My bad knees are forcing me to decide whether I’m going to give up the idea of leaning how to play the guitar because I have to drive 27 miles to my lessons every Saturday. I know you’re thinking, “Oh, the poor old man has to drive TWENTY-SEVEN MILES and back for his guitar lessons. Well, if it’s all that far, maybe, he should give up his dream. Poor old man.”

     

    Well, fuck, I drive down there and back and not surprisingly it takes me six days to recover (yeah, six days means I miss that day’s lesson) because unlike most people, I don’t have any cartilage in my knees. It’s all melted away and has been replaced with arthritis, but my orthopedic surgeon says I gotta walk to keep that synovial fluid sloshing around in there to cushion what I have left of my knees. If I don’t, then just maybe I won’t be able to walk at all. I’ll be lucky if they issue me one of those walkers with handle bars, a seat, and hand brakes. Worse? Well, I don’t want to think of worse because when the surgeon told me about what worse entails, I figured I’d better get out there and walk some more even if it makes my knees feel like dried dog shit on a hardwood floor.

     

    And, of course, there’s the head or, rather, its contents, that collection of gray and white matter which is supposed to keep me on an even keel, but doesn’t. Sure, I take meds, I’ve been taking meds since April, 2008. But, now, I’ve been released by my local VA shrink and sent out to a vendor. An example of this vendor’s expertise in mental health meds is she prescribed Amantadine for my Essential Tremor. It’s a mild Parkinson’s drug given for tremor from that disorder, but one of its rather insidious side effects is narcolepsy. If I take that, I’ll be subjecting myself to my personal “My Own Private Idaho.” Just think of it, no more tremors, but going to sleep in a school zone and wiping out a street crossing full of first graders. Not my idea of fun. They do recommend not driving or operating heavy equipment if you take it. So, I’m not going to be taking that med. When she asks how I doing on it, I’ll let her know about the narcolepsy side effect. Probably, the worst thing about that side effect is that not only can it occur when you first start taking the med, but it can crop up years away. I wonder how many old people who’ve been given that drug and fall asleep while driving down the street and take out a sidewalk full of kids on their way to get Slurpees. It certainly won’t be me.

     

    But, speaking of mental health, I’m in a general funk right now. Yesterday, I was ready to pack my bags and books and take a powder. I don’t know where I would’ve gone. Probably, a city where there is a VA Med Center where I could get treatment for my various ailments. And, of course, although I would’ve left a note, I wouldn’t say where I was going and I certainly would never come back. No, this house nigger was going to be a runaway and I wouldn’t give a fuck about whether my son could remember how to wash dishes.

     

    Today? Well, today I listened to all of my Vangelis CDs and typed this blog, which dumped a whole lot of shit on you guys. I apologize, but you see I don’t have anyone else to dump on because my VA shrink won’t talk to me and my vendor shrink only speaks to veterans on Thursday’s. So, thank you for listening and sorry for the “N” word, but when you’re called it, it kind of sticks to you in not a very nice way.

     

    Better go, time to feed the dogs or mastuh be mad.

     

  6. This morning I woke up, pretended to eat the imaginary ice cream (green flavour!) that Goblinboy pretended to feed me, got up and fetched Baby Wolfeater from his cot, gave them milk, and went back to bed to snuggle my husband. Dashi joined us, because the best place for a lurcher to be is cuddled on our duvet, and after a little while we were invaded by our small and not so small sons. Then I got up.

     

    It's Sunday, so I abandoned my husband with the small boys, and Dashi and I went to the farm. Many people have told me I'm a lucky bastard, and trust me when I say that I believe them. Our great friends Clare and Christian have rented us (back in April) a little scrap of unused woodland with a pond in it (about an acre all in all, but not all useable) in return for one pig per year - ready for the freezer. So we built a fence (cue swearing, shouting, bleeding) and now we have pigs, six chickens in a run we got for free (score!), a greenhouses we have yet to rebuild (secondhand for nothing), a shed containing the very beginnings of a rabbit tree (meat rabbits, don't get all sappy on me), and a raised bed growing potatoes.

     

    I fed the animals, walked to Copper's field and gave him breakfast, and went for a walk with Dashi and the farm spaniels. It was a good morning.

     

    Then I came home to be greeted by all my boys.

     

    Goblinboy will be three (THREE? where did the time go?) at the end of October, and Wolfeater has just turned one. Goblinboy is all about the talking, playing pretend, the questions (Why is rain?), the learning about hammers and anvils (he's learning from his Daddy. I'm proud), and the helping with absolutely everything (anyone need a tiny gardener?). Wolfeater is walking (properly walking) and has been able to climb the stairs since six months (yeah, we've had no rest), and is busy eating whatever he can lay his hands on and trying out new word-sounds.

     

    And.... now neither of them are napping anymore, and I gotta go.

     

    Oh, and I wrote something. Kitt's been great at keeping my secrets as always. Bye y'all!

    • 2
      entries
    • 0
      comments
    • 419
      views

    Recent Entries

    Superpride
    Latest Entry

    Listed below are the story cards and the ending card that you will use to create ideas for a story that you will then write down as a response to this entry.  More details are in the description of the blog.  Enjoy!

     

    Story Cards

    Child (Character)

    This Can Fly (Aspect)

    Cave (Place)

    Fire (Thing)

    Ring (Thing)

     

    Ending Card

    So the rightful ruler was placed on the throne once more.

  7. Dear G A

    • 3
      entries
    • 5
      comments
    • 463
      views

    Recent Entries

    quokka
    Latest Entry

    Dear GA

    I know it has been a while, I have been in a state of nothingness this past week.

    i have just started writing again, and although I am still taking it easy, I have managed to complete another two chapters of an un finished story, which I am sure my followers will be pleased about.

    life seems to be sliding by at a rate that I can sometimes not keep track of, with me having to check my mobile phone, to see what day it is.

    i sometimes wonder what the hell have I done during my life, and the truth is stuff all really, which doesn't help with my moods.

    well that is all for now.

    Preston

    • 1
      entry
    • 0
      comments
    • 317
      views

    Recent Entries

    Me: Hey! Hi ! Hello ! How are you ? Can we be friends ? 

               I am so like that! it is so funny that I am so hopeful that I can find my true love. True love that I can’t see , it’s like I am blind or that “true love” is so far to see . I am now 18 ! and that existence I didn’t have a relationship yet! I have so many crushes and sadly none of them like me? Am I ugly? “ looking at the mirror” Me: No , my friends and other says I’m cute . 

    Am I super girly? 

    Me: No

    Am I sweet ? 

    Me: sometimes 

               Maybe months have passed, I started chatting on many guys online, I found out that I am inlove to guys who is older than me, like some of my batch mates are for crush and for day dreaming  only. I am a joker in class, I make the whole class laugh ! What’s wrong with me? Why like there are no guys wants me? “urghhhh” . 

    Everyday and night I didn’t stop to add guys , text them , or call them if I am so upset that no one really want me. Maybe some says they have their “bf” “hubby” “honey “ “mine” or “my boo” etc. Some says they are not yet ready. Some says they want to see me real and meet me. And like “ hooooo” you know what is the reason why ? I look for that ideal man! “No” I mean the man who can love me truly, accept me, care for me, and willing to visit me here in country. The main reason why I don’t have any bf right now because I am looking for a foreign guy or some guys from other country. Look how many guys I added on Facebook, followed on Instagram, and etc. Like maybe there are only 4-5 persons last for a month in chat. They say that love is hard when you are in different country , “ yeah , I know “ but we can be if we will do something which will make us strong.  

    One time I said to myself I should wait, until one time,  I was about to sleep and I am still scrolling who is onlins, and I saw a message request coming from  a guy in London, not so cute but he has that look. Like he is so sweet and weeks after  chatting, he is now saying that he loves me! OMG! and I really don’t that he is 25 !!! but then I should say that I am so lucky ! I expect so much , and this is it, I said my “YES” and we are both so happy after. After 2 weeks he said that he has plans for me, so sometimes he is busy on his work and he is hardly working. Before our monthsary maybe 4 days before , I was like waiting to him to get online, and then my text is became like an essay! he is not replying or even say 

    Good morning, or even a thumbs up”  . 🙄 Is this real? like at first he really loves me , and he always say those excuse that he is so busy. So after 4 days is our Monthsary, like I am the one who greet him and made a long sweet message. Then the only reply he said was “ thank you”  Whaaaatttt??? I am a kind person so I understand him. 

                2nd Month , like sometimes we do video call and we are like laughing while he is walking to go to his work, then he’s like making me happy.  After  weeks, is our second Monthsary and like he greet me, then I said “ I love you” and like I am so blushing all day when I think of him. I suggested to him that he must have an haircut because he has long hair , then he said that soon! After all these days, he was like a smoke like gone for a week, then he is calling me like he is drunk, like his face was so haggard and stressed, so I really worry about him, you know what’s worse that he said to me that “ You may leave” like I don’t understand him that night.  So we ended the video call incompletely and I am worried . Early in the morning I open my inbox from Messenger he was apologizing , and like I forgive him. That’s me easy to forgive and very kind.  

                                      To be Continued.

  8. Valkyrie
    Latest Entry

    On August 9, 2013 I decided to take the plunge and join GA as a member instead of reading stories as a lurker.  While I'd dabbled a bit with writing poetry and some creative fiction, I'd never actually finished anything I started writing.  The closest I came was a vampire novel I started writing in the early '90s (which I may yet finish ;) )  The atmosphere on GA was so welcoming.  It felt like a place where I wanted to interact with others, and one of my favorite things was reading the weekly prompts.  There was more participation in the prompts back then, and I felt like they were a good way to ease back into writing.  Bolstered by the positive and encouraging responses to those early scribblings, I expanded one of them into my first novella. I then decided to tackle the anthologies, which helped me develop my writing skills even more.  I was beyond thrilled to be promoted to Promising Author, and then Signature.  I still feel a flash of pride whenever I see the maroon rectangle next to my name.  :) 

     

    Writing and GA has opened so many doors for me.  I love writing and sharing my work with like-minded people.  My editing/beta team have become dear, dear friends. @Cole Matthews, @Lisa, @aditus... I can't imagine a life without you all in it :hug:  There are too many to name, but know everyone on this site holds a special place in my heart.  It's hard to believe it's been five years since I de-cloaked and became a member.  Yes, I'm a Star Trek nerd :gikkle: 

     

    Many of you know I have been spending the summer re-doing my house.  I bought new appliances, a new recliner, a giant cat tree, and a boatload of other new things for the house.  My mom and I moved every piece of furniture, scrubbed the walls and floors, and went through every box downstairs.  I threw out a ton of stuff, donated a ton of stuff, and now have a manageable living space.  There are a few reasons we did all this.  One, it needed to be done.  I've done a lot of travelling in the ten years I've lived here, so I let a lot of house stuff go.  Two, I had my BFF planning to visit for a week and I wanted a house that didn't look like it was inhabited by trolls. And three... I am having major surgery this week.  

     

    This has been a summer of reflection for me.  I found a lot of things from my past when going through all those boxes.  Mostly good memories, but some bittersweet.  I don't want to get into all the details of my surgery, since it's rather personal, but I will say I have a pre-cancerous condition which requires the removal of some parts.  The risk of cancer is relatively low, but still there.  I've had two prior surgeries, and admit to being most nervous about this one.  So I will be away from the site briefly while I recover.  I'm hoping my absence will be less than a week, but it all depends on how I feel and what they find.  I won't have my laptop with me until I'm back home, but I will have my cell phone and will keep Cole updated.  He has my permission to post updates here.  

     

    I am hoping to do a lot of writing while I recover.  I'd like to finish "The Hollow Hills" and start my next novel.  I have some editing to do, and something exciting in the works for GA.  I also hope to be able to do some reading... something I've been neglecting lately.  

     

    So that's what going on in my life right now.  Thank you to all my readers, followers, and friends. You guys are awesome :hug: :kiss: 

  9. I wrote this article for Reddit just for the hell of it.

    ***

    Someone posted earlier about the annoying amount of over-development and suburban sprawl in Delaware. I thought it would be interesting to go a little bit over the reasons why the system is set up like the way it is, and how the forces of suburbanization have made Delaware into the bedroom community it is today.

     

    Wilmington developed at a steady pace throughout the 1800's- especially during the Civil War, which the du Pont Company really flourished as at the time they were known for gun powder. In 1864, a horse railcar line was developed around Delaware Avenue, which allowed for Wilmington residential development to expand out towards the "country", and leafy residential neighborhoods began to sprout. Note that this would be a continuing pattern for Wilmington's elite- building pretty "country" houses and pushing north of Wilmington.

     

    Soon, the railroad came, as well as the trolley car. This allowed for Wilmington's first official suburb, Elsmere, which was developed in 1886 by Joshua Heald for working middle-class families. Though there were talks for Wilmington annexing Elsmere into their city boundaries, Elsmere had incorporated as its own town by 1909. Wilmington couldn't really do much about it, because they had a weak city charter and New Castle County government would thwart them time after time whenever they tried to expand their borders.

     

    World War I and World War II brought continued prosperity to Wilmington, which reached 112k in population by 1940. Again, given that Wilmington had a weak city charter that made it hard for them to annex surrounding land into their city, a lot of residential development began to spill out of the borders of Wilmington, which was made even easier by the car. It was around this time that the prosperous North Wilmington suburbs were developed, originally for the du Pont company chemists and their families. (Think Alapocas, Greenville, Talleyville, etc.)

    Meanwhile, the more solidly middle-class suburban development continued out from Elsemere along the newly built Kirkwood Highway. Newark, which had been a relatively small town throughout most of its history, also exploded in population, going from just 6k people in 1950 to over 20k by 1970. The first wave of suburban sprawl began to hit the Newark area as areas such as Brookside were developed.

     

    As the 1950's continued and gave way to the 1960's, suburban development and flight from Wilmington continued. There are a couple of factors for this. The first is that the building of I-95 required demolition of several city neighborhoods, which destabilized the entire area and also made it even easier for people who worked in Wilmington to commute from the suburbs. The second is that the G.I. Bill, which returning WWII vets were using to buy homes, strongly favored new construction in the suburbs as opposed to the older housing stock. Third, the returning G.I.'s and their wives would give birth to what is known as the Baby Boomer Generation. This cohort was so large that entire children-consumer industries sprang up. These G.I.'s preferred to raise their kids in their suburbs, continuing the suburban flight from Wilmington. Finally, the perception of Wilmington being unsafe stemmed from the Wilmington riots of 1968, which led to most of suburban Delaware turning their backs on Wilmington and never looking back. From the 1950's through the 1980's, Wilmington's population would drop from 95k in 1950, down to about 70k by 1990, which is more or less where the population has stabilized.

     

    In the late 1970's, Christiana Mall began to be developed, which drove more development. The success of that mall meant that developers have clamored to build retail in the areas surrounding the mall since, hoping to capture that success as well- you see that today with the new Christiana Fashion Center. The building of nearby Christiana Hospital in 1984-1985 would also be a major driver of development in that region. Another biggie would be MBNA, which was founded in 1982 and became a massive behomoth of a suburban office complex in Ogletown.

     

    Ah, yes, we can't forget about banks, which began a boom in Delaware in the 1980's due to laws passed in 1981 that were favorable to banks. This did in fact led to a lot of office development in Wilmington, but the Baby Boomer bankers preferred living in the suburbs to living in the city. I mean, there were some city neighborhoods that got revived (think 40 Acres/Trolley Square) but by and large the affluence that was being driven by the banking boom of the 80's/90's was going out into the suburbs instead of being invested into the city. At least, beyond the gleaming office towers.

    The next round of suburban development (the 1980's-1990's) would take place around the Bear/Glasgow area. Originally cheap farmland (this area was big on horses), it became known for townhomes and cookie cutter housing developments. On the more upscale side, the affluent developments around Hockessin began to pop up as well. Both of these areas were not incorporated, which meant that developers did not need to go through city laws/city councils in order to get their developments approved- just having to deal with the city. I grew up in Bear during the 2000's, and I remember my jaw dropping when someone told me that Bear had largely been the "country" back in the 80's. You can still see some remnants of its past (I remember seeing some horse farms close to Old Porter Road) but man.

     

    Anyway, another really, really huge factor in the suburban sprawl deal in Delaware comes up in the 1990's. That would be the construction of Route 1. Originally built to bypass Route 13 and create a faster route to the beach, this would help the MOT area (Middletown, Odessa, Townsend) explode in population, as it was now a more convenient area to commute from. Middletown had 3k people in 1990, now it's up to over 20k, and that's just within the city limits. One difference in the suburban sprawl story of Middletown is that the mayor of the 1990's actually set this in motion on purpose, because Middletown was a dying farming town. The town began to aggressively annex surrounding areas so they would benefit from the building of the housing developments and strip malls. This would led to Middletown's population growing by 206 percent between 2000 to 2010. Not that there hasn't been some pushback- in 1999 Middletown residents rejected a school referendum purely as an attempt to stop the suburban development, but of course, it didn't really work.

     

    Route 1 has been a major driver of suburban development all across the state for the past 20 years. I lived in Dover from 2005-2006, and I remember there was a lot of suburbs getting built around the former farmland. Downstate also saw a lot of this growth, particularly with the beach areas, although that growth hasn't extended out to the western part of Sussex County.

    One thing that began to happen, especially during that 2000's real estate boom, is that developers in New Castle County started talking about "re-developing" golf courses, nature preserves, and former office complexes, particularly in the more crowded part above the canal. One particularly nasty fight occurred when the Stoltz Company wanted to build a 13-story tower in Greenville at the former Barley Mill Office complex, and basically the residents banded together to sue them 'til kingdom come until those plans were dropped. Another really controversial move has been talk abut re-developing the Newark Country Club, which has been bandied about for at least the past 15 years but it keeps getting thwarted. I also remember there were some whispers about developing in Bellevue Park around this area, although I don't know if that came to fruition.

     

    The Great Recession did put a damper for a while for suburban development in Delaware. Development has come back, but if you notice, a lot of what's getting built currently are townhomes aimed at seniors as well as apartment buildings. (Notably, the Newark student apartment buildings that everyone likes to bitch about.) You're not seeing as many plans for McMansion developments the way you would have back in the 90's and the 2000's.

     

    Anyways...

    1.) Delaware has always been a really convenient place to travel through when it comes to go to Philly, D.C./Baltimore, or New York City. This convenience has only increased with the building of roads like I-95 and Route 1. (Probably the new 301 is really going to jumpstart some new suburban sprawl as well.)

    2.) Delaware has historically stayed away from compact urban development. Newark was originally a sleepy town that had a small college. Dover was small town until the 1970's. A lot of Delaware was rural for most of our history. (Still shocked at the thought of Bear being a sleepy little farming community as recently as the 80's.) Our only "big" city is Wilmington, and even when they had 100k residents, they weren't building tall apartment buildings- note the row-homes and townhomes.

    3.) Developers like building on flat, open spaces, which Delaware had/has a lot of because we had so many farms. And we are largely on the Atlantic Coastal plain.

    4.) Wilmington lost 40k people in the course of about 50 years, and been unable to entice people to come back. One interesting fact- in 1940, Wilmington had 112k people. Delaware itself only had 266k people. That means that over 40 percent of the entire state of Delaware lived in Wilmington in 1940. Now that percentage is down to about 7 percent!

    5.) Government, especially in New Castle County, has a really, really hard time saying no to developers. There's also this mindset of not thinking ahead. I've learned in the Memories of Newark group that in the 1960's, the Newark City Council was floating the idea of building a by-pass that would have gone around the Main Street area. Sort of similar to what's going on right now with the 301, which is going to by-pass the current 301 that goes through Middletown. It was floated because at the time, Newark was booming, and the traffic problems we see today started to appear. However, the city council voted it down because they thought it was unnecessary. Today, the proposed bypass would be impossible because most of that land got developed, so Newarkers today basically have to pay for the mistakes that were made 50 years ago. And you see similar stories to that again and again- developers getting their way and our government not making them put in the infrastructure needed because they don't want to lose the development deals.

     

    So yeah, there you have it. It's basically almost inevitable that Delaware basically is the way it is. We're basically just reaping what Elsmere sowed back in the early 1900's when they refused to become part of Wilmington because they didn't want to pay city taxes.

    TL;DR: Delaware's life as a suburban bedroom community is the result of forces that were set in motion as early as the 19th century.

    Edited...looks like people want some sources so here's a couple:

    "Corporate Capital- Wilmington in the 20th Century" by Carol Hoffecker, Temple University Press, 1983.

    Wilmington DE population

    Newark DE Population

    Dover DE Historical Population

    Delaware population figures

    Middletown DE Wikpedia Page

    Save Our County- Website for the group that fought the Stoltz Company tooth and nail over the proposed Greenville development

    Push for country park on former orphanage site remains strong, Newark Post Online 2017

    West Main Street Residents Want By-pass, Newark Post Achives September 2,1994

    Christiana Fashion Center's first phase on target, Delaware Business Times March 2015

    Northern Delaware's Christiana Mall remains resistant to retail's rough patch, BisNow 2018

    Banking Haven- Washington Post 1983

    Middletown, Delaware Annexing Farmland- New York Times 1990

    Market Street Renaissance- Out & About, October 2015

    Developers Target Delaware Golf Courses January 2016

    ***

    Growing up as suburban kid...I wouldn't have it any other way. I fucking LOVED hanging out at the mall growing up. I don't know if I would have liked being a city kid, or being in some small cow town or something.

  10. DQDk556.jpg

     

     

    TRACK LISTING

    1. Computer Game (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - The Arcade
    2. High Score Summer (Arcade High) - Matt Meets Sam
    3. Digital Love (Daft Punk) - “Why Don’t You Play The Game?”
    4. Ready To Start (Arcade Fire) - Matt Levels Up
    5. Slow (Kylie Minogue) - The Body Game, No Batteries Required
    6. Boom, Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room) (Paul Lekakis) -  Scoring Tyler
    7. No ‘I’ In Threesome (Interpol) - Matt + Sam + Tyler = Mamler
    8. Moments In Love (Art Of Noise) - Manage A Toir
    9. Behind The Mask (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - Taking On ‘The Green Monster’ Game Boss
    10. Goodbye (FM-84) - The Threesome Breaks Up
    11. Innocence (Electric Youth) - Suddenly Becoming Too Old For Games
    12. Send Me An Angel (Groovecatcher Cover Of Real Life) - Tyler Meets Ariel
    13. Young & Unafraid - Robert DeLong Mix (The Moth & The Flame) - The Courage True Love Brings
    14. 21st Century Digital Boy (Bad Religion) - Matt Gets His Game Back On
    15. Why Did I Say Goodbye (Tommy ‘86) - Sam Comes Back To Play
    16. Look Into My Eyes (Arcade High) - Sam Meets Matt Again For The First Time
    17. Put Your Money On Me (Arcade Fire) - Matt Learns To Bet And Win
    18. The Comeback Kid (The Midnight) - Matt Comes Back
    19. Running To You (Arcade High) - Sam and Matt, Playmates Forever
    20. Arcade Summer (FM-84) - ‘The Sun Still Shines Bright On Our Arcade Summer’

    ————————————

    Computer Game (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - The Arcade

     

    Electronic Overture

     

    High Score Summer (Arcade High) - Matt Meets Sam

     

    Electronic Tenderness

     

    Digital Love (Daft Punk) - “Why Don’t You Play The Game?”

     

    [Verse 1]

    Last night I had a dream about you

    In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you

    And it looked like everyone was having fun

    The kind of feeling I've waited so long

     

    [Verse 2]

    Don't stop, come a little closer
    As we jam, the rhythm gets stronger
    There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
    We were dancing all night long

    The time is right to put my arms around you
    You're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too
    But suddenly I feel the shining sun
    Before I knew it, this dream was all gone

     

    [Verse 3]

    Ooh, I don't know what to do

    About this dream and you

    I wish this dream comes true

    Ooh, I don't know what to do
    About this dream and you
    We'll make this dream come true

     

    [Interlude]

     

    [Outro]

    Why don't you play the game?
    Why don't you play the game?

     

    Ready To Start (Arcade Fire) - Matt Levels Up

     

    Businessmen drink my blood

    Like the kids in art school said they would

    And I guess I'll just begin again

    You say you, can we still be friends

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was bored

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    Well I'm not

     

    All the kids have always known

    That the emperor wears no clothes

    But to bow to down to them anyway

    Is better than being alone

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was bored

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

     

    Now you're knocking at my door

    Saying please come out against tonight

    But I would rather be alone

    Than pretend I feel alright

     

    If the businessmen drink my blood

    Like the kids in art school said they would

    Then I guess I'll just begin again

    You say you can still be friends

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was pure

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

    Now I'm ready to start

    If I was scared

    I would

     

    And if I was pure

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

     

    Now I'm ready to start

    Now I'm ready to start

     

    I would rather be wrong

    Than live in the shadows of your song

    My mind is open wide

     

    And now I'm ready to start

    Now I'm ready to start

     

    My mind is open wide

    And now I'm ready to start

    Your mind surely opened the door

    To step out into the dark

     

    Now I'm ready

     

    Slow (Kylie Minogue) - The Body Game, No Batteries Required

        

    Knew you'd be here tonight

    So I put my best dress on

    Boy I was so right

    Our eyes connected

    Now nothin's how it used to be

    No second guesses

    Trackin' on this feelin'

    Pull focus close up you and me

    Nobody's leavin'

     

    Got me affected

    Spun me one eighty degrees

    So electric

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    Don't wanna rush it

    Let the rhythm pull you in

    It's here so touch it

    You know what I'm sayin'

    And I haven't said a thin'

    Keep the record playin'

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    Oh, oh, read my body language

    Take it down, down

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    (Slow down and dance with me)

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    (Slow down and dance with me)

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Slow

     

    Boom, Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room) (Paul Lekakis) -  Scoring Tyler

     

    Hey baby I'd like to talk to you 

    How about coming back to my room for a little boom boom

     

    You keep coming to me 

    I can dig your dynamite 

    Know the way you move 

    Get in the groove 

    You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

     

    Second time you moved me 

    It's time for us to Boom Boom 

    You can come right close to me 

    And feel the burning fire 

     

    All the time you got me 

    It's fine for us to boom boom 

    If you see the spark in me 

    And feel my strong desire

     

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

     

    Do the honor to me 

    Don't you know I like to bite 

    Get to the view 

    Closer to you 

     

    You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

    Second time you moved me 

    It's time for us to Boom Boom 

    You can come right close to me 

     

    And feel the burning fire 

    All the time you got me 

    It's fine for us to boom boom 

    If you see the spark in me 

    And feel my strong desire

     

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

     

    No ‘I’ In Threesome (Interpol) - Matt + Sam + Tyler = Mamler

     

    Through the storms and the lie

    Baby, you stood by my side

    And life is wine

    But there are days in this life

    When you see the teeth marks of time

     

    Two lovers divide

    Sound meets sound, babe

    Her echoes, they surround

    And all that we need is one thing

    Now what is there to allow?

     

    Babe, it's time we gave something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free

    And, baby, tonight

    I see your lips are on fire

     

    And life is wine

    Now the windows are open, the moon is so bright

    There's no one who can tell us

    What love brings for you and I

    Sound meets sound, babe

    The echoes, they surround

     

    And all that we need is one thing

    Now what is there to allow?

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free tonight

    Through the storms and the lie

    Baby, you stood by my side

     

    And life is wine

    You feel the sweet breath of time

    It's whispering its truth, not mine

    There's no "I" in threesome

    And I am all for it!

     

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, and feathers bend like trees in the moonlight

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free tonight

     

    Moments In Love (Art Of Noise) - Manage A Toir

     

            Moments In Love - Now!

     

    Behind The Mask (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - 

    Taking On ‘The Green Monster’ Game Boss

     

    [Verse 1]

    Now the mask you're wearing

    Is stoney and staring

    Lines and tears, age and fears

    Growing old, passions cold

     

    Now the mask you're wearing

    Is stoney and staring

    Lines and tears, age and fears

    Growing old, passions cold

     

    [Verse 2]

    There's nothing in your eyes

    That marks where you cried

    All is blank, all is blind

    Dead inside, the inner mind

     

    There's nothing in your eyes

    That marks where you cried

    All is blank, all is blind

    Dead inside, the inner mind

     

    [Outro]

    Is it me

    Is it you

    Behind this mask, I ask

     

    Goodbye (FM-84) - The Threesome Breaks Up

     

    As summer fades away 

    Lost in a cloudless haze 

    Just hold me and touch a wave 

    There’s no more we need to say 

     

    Yet I don’t want to say goodbye 

    And I don’t want to see you cry 

     

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now I love you 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    It’s not over 

     

    We’re caught in a moment 

    Lost in a summer breeze 

    Moving in circles 

    As light flickers on the sea 

     

    Now I don’t want to say goodbye 

    And I don’t want to see you cry 

     

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now I love you 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    It’s not over 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Ohh na na ohh 

    I know it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now we’re forever

     

    Innocence (Electric Youth) - Suddenly Becoming Too Old For Games

     

    You catch a shooting star

    You tell me make a wish

    Your word is all I know

    But if the plane is moving fast

    Please secure your mask

    Before you put mine on

     

    And now the rain is falling 

    The truth is bittersweet

    A different voice is calling

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

     

    Now you ask me what to say

    It used to be your way

    Was the only way I'd known

    But when the table starts to turn

    The teacher starts to learn

    The child starts to grow

     

    And now the rain is falling

    The truth is bittersweet

    A different voice is calling

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    I Wonder

     

    Send Me An Angel (Groovecatcher Cover Of Real Life) - Tyler Meets Ariel

     

    Reprise from ‘new kid in school’

     

    Young & Unafraid - Robert DeLong Mix (The Moth & The Flame) - 

    The Courage True Love Brings

     

    Reprise from ‘Kiss Of An Angel’

     

    21st Century Digital Boy (Bad Religion) - Matt Gets His Game Back On

     

    I can't believe it

    The way you look sometimes

    Like a trampled flag on a city street

    Oh yeah

     

    And I don't want it

    The things you're offering me

    Symbolized barcode, quick I.D

    Oh yeah

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to live but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

    I can't explain it

    The things you're're saying to me

    It's going yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Oh yeah

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to read but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual, oh

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

    Tried to tell you about no control

    But now I really don't know

    And then you told me how bad you had to suffer

    Is that really all you have to offer?

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to live but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual, yeah

    cats, sports, iron claw

     

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) neurosurgeon screams for more

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) innocents raped with napalm fire

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) everything I want, I really need

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

     

    Why Did I Say Goodbye (Tommy ‘86) - Sam Comes Back To Play

     

    My telephone is playing dead

    I'm hearing voices in my head

     

    I'm going through the words I said

    They replay

     

    I sit on benches in the park

     

    I'm lighting candles in the dark

    I came alone cuz you're too far

    gone away

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    I have a void I try to fill

    I was your soulmate although still

    I didn't realize until It was over

    I wish I could slip back in time

    When we were one and all was fine

    But it's too late to make us chime

     

    Love is over

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

    Why did I let go?

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    Look Into My Eyes (Arcade High) - Sam Meets Matt Again For The First Time

     

    Tenderer Electronic Tenderness

     

    Put Your Money On Me (Arcade Fire) - Matt Learns To Bet And Win

     

    Put your money on me

    'Cause I can barely breathe

    Put your money on me

    Put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

     

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    If there was a race

    A race for your heart

    It started before you were born

    Above the chloroform sky

    Clouds made of Ambien

    Sitting on carpets in the basement of heaven

     

    We were born innocent, but it lies today

    And baby you can give all the money away

    But if there's a race, a race for your heart

    It's over, before it starts

    Singing put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

     

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    All my presents are broken, before they're open

    And the promises, the second they're spoken

    I know I've been different

    My skin keeps shedding

     

    My mother was crying on the day of our wedding

    Trumpets of angels call for my head

    But I fight through the ether and I quit when I'm dead

    If you want to know who'll be there in the end

    When you bury me baby, I'll still be your friend

    Singing put your money on me

     

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

     

    But I'm never gonna let it go

    Singing put your money on all your money on me

    I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on me) I know it's not easy

    The Silicon Valleys melted back into silicon

    We'll find a way to survive

     

    Singing put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me (All your money on me)

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me (Put your money on me)

    Go tuck me into bed, then wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free (I know that you gotta be free)

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    Singing put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on me) I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me (put your money on)

    I know it's not easy

     

    Put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on) I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me

    I know it's not easy

     

    The Comeback Kid (The Midnight) - Matt Comes Back

     

    i been so low 

    felt the wind blow 

    like i was a screen door 

    in a thunderstorm 

     

    yeah i've been down 

    i've been laid out 

    but you always were 

    what I came here for 

     

    waiting all day 

    waiting all day 

    just for my say 

    for a bell to ring 

    for the first sting 

     

    Yeah I been blue 

    that ain’t nothing new 

    it’s you my friend 

    you’re why I get up again 

     

    I’ve make mistakes 

    I’ve been hard hit 

    I say so what 

    so what if I did 

    I’m the clear eyed 

    I’m the 

    comeback kid 

    start it over 

    start it over again 

    I'm the clear eyed 

    I'm the comeback kid 

     

    it’s been a rough year 

    been some tough tears 

    I’ve lost so fast 

    all that I had 

     

    but when it’s time to 

    i will fight for you 

    cause you know you are 

    why i’ve come so far 

     

    I’ve make mistakes 

    I’ve been hard hit 

    I say so what 

    so what if I did 

    I’m the clear eyed 

    I’m the 

    comeback kid 

    start it over 

    start it over again 

    I'm the clear eyed 

    I'm the comeback kid

     

    Running To You (Arcade High) - Sam and Matt, Playmates Forever

     

    You’re still the one

    I Run To

    You’re still the *One*!

    (X)

     

     Arcade Summer (FM-84 & MrM) - 

    ‘The Sun Still Shines Bright On Our Arcade Summer’

     

    Do you remember

    When we were young

    A certain shopping center

    Where we could have so such fun . . .

     

    In our 

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    And the cruel school year was so far away

    And all our best friends would come down to play

    And the Arcade was open every day

    And the Summer of love was here to stay in our

     

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    You were standing

    Right beside me

    While I was playing

    Then I was falling

     

    And I thought that

    It was passed time

    That we ought to

    Get in some Funtime

     

    And We were so alive there

    And We were so in love there

    And Life was so simple there

    And Our love was perfect there

     

    And so I kissed you hard then

    And so you smiled at me then

    And so you kissed me hard then

    And so I smiled at you then

     

    In our 

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    We were ALIVE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

    We were in LOVE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

    Life was so SIMPLE there (In an Arcade Summer)!

    Love was so PERFECT there (In an Arcade Summer)!

    Love was so very PURE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

     

    The sun still shines bright on

    Our Arcade Summer . . .

     
  11. This chapter is really hard to write for Book 2 of 0's and 1's, so I will share with readers its problem:

     

    I feel like I can't skip an important event, but if I write it, I am never going to hear the end of it.

     

    This will mark probably the darkest chapter I have ever written, maybe one of the darkest chapters on GA. I am making sure the guidelines are followed, nothing graphic or explicit, but the implication is more than enough with a dark imagination. And to top it all off, I have to make sure people know why it's needed for the future of the story and the future of the characters. This ain't gratuitous plot point, it's a revolutionary spark, a call to arms against an injustice that transcends LGBT fiction. It's something our society and many of us are guilty as indirect participants.

     

    I call this chapter by a nickname, "the Crucible".

     

    If this chapter gets completed, the rest of the story can follow, but it must be done right or nothing else after it will matter.

     

    Anyone who has any ideas, thoughts, or is just curious as to what I am doing, feel free to PM me.

  12. Wow, with summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are definitely seeing a drop in people online.   Even I'm getting more sun. 

     

    I'm going to cut back on the number of blogs I'm doing for now and pick up again in the fall.  It'll give me more time to do these silly summer homeowner things I'm suddenly stuck with. lol.

     

     

     

  13. Hudson Bartholomew
    Latest Entry

    I mentioned in my last blog post (which was back in December, omg!) that I have a couple of books being published this year! The first one came out on Monday!! It's called Inside Darkness and it's about a humanitarian aid worker struggling with PTSD and an Asian American journalist who encounters systemic racism. It's dark and gritty and angsty; the sex is fast but the emotions are slow burn (I stole that last part from a reviewer, hehe). 

     

    It's hard to believe that I am officially a Published Author (TM). There was no party, no cake, no one handing me a big cheque. Just some nice people sending me congratulations messages on social media and a friend took me out to lunch. From the outside, being an author looks so glamorous, but at the end of the day it's a job just like any other: finish one project and move on to the next! Still, I'm super proud of myself for having chased after this dream and having accomplished it. I have another book coming out in July and a couple where I'm waiting to hear from the publisher, and still more waiting to be written on my laptop. 

     

    Big thank you to everyone here who read my early stories and gave me such encouragement to keep going! I couldn't have done it without you!

     

    If you would like more information about my book, you can find it on my website: http://www.hudsonlin.com/book/inside-darkness/

  14. So, tomorrow is officially moving day. The U-Haul is parked in the driveway waiting to be loaded. Everything in the house, with the exception of my room, is packed in boxes. For some reason, I can't bring myself to pack my room. We're moving from the Dallas area to a small East Texas town called Rusk. It's about 3 hours away. I know absolutely nobody down there, with the exception of my 2 cousins and their wives. They are all very umm, let me try to explain. My cousin Justin, the younger of the two, broke his femur years ago when he was bucked off the bull he was attempting to ride. His wife, Rachel, teaches Ag (agriculture) for high school. My other cousin, Clay and his wife Melissa, along with his two step-kids, his adopted son, and their son together, whose name is Rodey Owen (pronounced road-e, go ahead and say it out loud) are going to my new neighbors. They always make me feel like the odd man out. They'll talk to me if I insert myself into their conversations, but they won't go out of their way to speak to me. Now, I'm practically related to about half the town we're moving to, but they're all my mom's cousin's kids and I think I might have met them for all of 5 minutes 35 years ago. The closest Walmart to where I'll be living is 15 miles away, and it's not even a Walmart Supercenter. For the next 6 months or so, we'll be living with my grandmother in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house, while our house is being built. Right next door. For major shopping, we'll have to drive about 40 miles to Tyler, where there's a mall. This isn't going to be fun. It's going to be hell. I'm a 41 year-old gay man moving to an area of Texas that isn't well known for its acceptance. I did actually tell my cousins I was gay. But, that was 22 years ago and we've not talked about it since. I'm not even sure their wives know for sure or not. I"m freaking out here I think. HELP!!!!

  15. Ashi
    Latest Entry

    What is on your mind when you think of the word "great?" 

     

    Which story do you consider a classic?

     

    Who is your most admired person?

     

    Where do you go to get inspired?

     

    When does a moment become experience?

     

    How do you advance a civilization into the golden age?

     

     *   *   *

     

    This world is endowed with many great things.  Some are eminent, some are waiting to be discovered; some will become a memory, some will never extinct despite of deliberate neglect and distortion.  They all deserve to be cherished and preserved.

     

     *   *   *

     

    Can you put a price on...

     

    ...freedom?

     

    ...the feeling of falling in love for the first time?

     

    ...safety and feeling alive?

     

    ...respect and compassion?

     

    We have an unprecedented number of homelessness.  Everyday I ride on a train, I can see encampments so great, that some portable toilets are placed around them, which I assume is to maintain public health for all the surrounding community.  On another day, I went to a flea market.  Being educated in healthcare for a couple of years, I cannot help but think we might have an outbreak of weird diseases due to the near proximity of homeless camps and squirrel population.  (Please do not feed wild animals as some bacteria unique to them will crossbreed with bacteria unique to human, and these hybrid bacteria will infect both species....  We may or may not have the capability to control the mutated bacteria)

     

    All we hear on the news nowadays are bunch of big babies attacking each other over some petty issues, ignoring human conditions.

     

     *   *   *

     

    Why nobody ever tries to find out why more mass shootings happening nowadays?  It always turns into a political drama rather than addressing the most fundamental issue.  This is people's lives we're talking about, not an opportunity to further one's political career.

     

    I still remember the days when school taught students pipe bombs (though I never learned), but nobody ever seriously contemplating using it to harm others.  Now no school teaches that chemistry and yet more people died from violence.  What happened?

     

    I still remember the days when people can freely go into airports and museums without needing to go through security gates.  Why is my personal freedom and happiness compromised because of a minor chance of threat.  The security measure is not even effective guarding against people who have no regard of the laws anyways.

     

    I still remember the days the Internet was used to increase people's IQ by exposing to differences rather than reinforcing one's limited perception.  It used to be an Utopia of tolerance, a haven of self-regulation, a pool of endless knowledge.   Why is it used to propagate greed and misinformation nowadays?

     

    Isn't the fact-based journalism the propeller of democracy?  Didn't Jefferson want to be remembered to be the Father of Virginity University because educated people are the core of democracy? 

     

    Doesn't George Washington's Farewell Address warn: "[Geographic politics] agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions"?

     

     *   *   *

     

    Today after work I went to buy some tapioca tea.  There was some misunderstanding between the cashier and the customer before me, so the order was not placed correctly.  The prior customer basically suggested he had the power to recommend more corporate customers only if the store would simply replace his new order for free.  The small shop owner with her limited English skill couldn't understand what daft-dressing guy was trying to suggest, so she offered 50 cents extra for the replaced drink, because cashier/server charged him only for the regular tea rather than milk tea, and served him according to the wrong order.  Given I worked in food industry before (among many odd jobs I had held), I knew it's a big loss for the shop because it's not a simple adding milk to the tea issue.  The store needs to throw away the original order due to health code, irregardless whether the drink was consumed or not.  The shop keeper insisted on quality didn't help either, but she eventually agreed to just add milk to the order for free instead of remake the whole order to satisfy the customer.

     

    I have seen many of such disputes before.  It is not limited to restaurant order, or language barrier issue.  Don't know whether it's because their perceived financial standing or their education level, people are getting less humble.  Most people don't realized outside of their career specialization, they actually know extremely little how the entire world functions.  In this case, the customer before me did not realize it is a health code that the shop cannot serve tampered food.

     

    Everything in life is simple; even the simplest thing is difficult.

     

    What that quote (which I thought was attributed to Nietzsche, but I can't find it) means to me is one has to be humble, and be respect of people of all trades.  Everyone is an expert of something, disregard of our social standing or the wage we're paid for our work.

     

    If this were the old California I knew back in the 90's, people would be more graceful and asked why 50 cents is charged, rather than immediately pull the consumer/corporate pressure card without actually asking a probing question.  Because that customer might have learned something about the food industry.  Instead, he sounded like a crude and tactless person dressed in sharp suit.  Our California value of tolerance and acceptance is dying everyday, and it's such a sad sight to see.

     

    I wished my brain could be faster, and paid the 50 cents extra for the agitated customer and everyone would be happy.  Though when the shopkeeper apologized to me profusely because she was busy making the replacement order for that customer (who was not even there when she finished the order because he just had to answer a phone...), I simply told her to take her time.  I know how little gesture like this means a lot when you're working very hard for very little money.  Besides, I was late for my train anyways, so time wasn't that important to me at that point, but it'll brighten up her day.

     

    I wish I have made the point clear enough.  Great, despite current events might have you believed, is not based on selfish interests.  We can actually make the world great again, no matter how small or insignificant the contribution might see at first.  Be gracious of others, be respectful of nature, and treasure every moment we share.  The world doesn't need to be shallow and petty.  There can be a lot of beauty and greatness if we tried.

    • 1
      entry
    • 12
      comments
    • 306
      views

    Recent Entries

    Wesley8890
    Latest Entry

    I did something today. Something I've never thought i would ever do. I met my brother who i haven't seen in twenty years. Me and my little brother were adopted young. I have an older brother by four years but I hadn't seen him since elementary school. It wasn't his fault that his mother (my former mother or as I call her egg donor) was a lying manipulative witch. And I'm being nice there. She was also negligent. He's a good guy, he was crying. He remembered where I lived, and asked to see me, and I thought what have i got to lose? 

    it wasn't a tear jerking experience for me but he seemed genuine. But tell me am I took for believing he's not her?

  16. So, I would imagine that many members here wont remember who I am.  i've not been active for a while because... well, life gets in the way sometimes doesn't it?

     

    8 Years ago last week, I started a relationship right here on GA.  I met Paya right here, and our friendship blossomed into something more.  I was in the UK, he was in the Czech Republic. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years, before finally moving to London together 6 years ago.

     

    This is just a quick stop by to where it all began, to announce that yesterday - We got Married.  Yes, another GA wedding.

     

    We were lucky enough that our friends from GA, Bleu and Jian, were at our ceremony as guests - I told them they were our GA ambassadors for the day.

     

    Now... not to rush away, but a honeymoon awaits.

     

    All the best.

     

    West

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..