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    Weekly Wrap Up (May 19 - May 25)

    By wildone

    Well I'm back A big thank you to Renee for stepping in last week whilst I was enjoying the Victoria Day Long Weekend. I know our American cousins are enjoying their Memorial Day Long Weekend this weekend. And correct me if I'm wrong, it is U.K. Spring Bank Holiday. So a lot of people enjoying either a short week last week or this week Before I forget, our list of Reader Recommended stories are nearly done. If you have read a story recently, in the past, or in the midst and it is finished,
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  1. Ever look back and realize you've done more than you thought you did?

     

    I've mentioned some word counts before. Edited chapter 4 of "2-14-9X" today for @Comicality's magazine. When I pasted the edits into this running word file I keep the whole story in I noticed something. 

     

    30, 747 words

     

    Now, that's not too far from the last publicized count, I know. But it's still been a while since I took stock of the whole, you know?

     

    Considering most of that was written between December 2017 and March 2018 progress has slowed considerably. But, to those of you who read my interview in the March 2018 issue of @Comicality's Imagine Magazine, my writing hasn't, and isn't always as readily available of my imagination.

     

    The gap between imagining something, no matter how detailed, and expressing that vision. is sometimes wider than others. Sometimes it's the crack in the sidewalk between to slabs, something unnoticed as w=one goes along. Sometimes it's a canyon, and there isn't always a bridge. Sometimes it feels so far that one side is out of sight of the other.

     

    Even when it's working, another issue is control. I may say "I really need to edit chapter 5, I'm behind schedule," only to have my concentration slide away from me to concepts, scenes, whole stories, that have nothing to do with a certain night's events that happened to be on Valentine's Day. And trying to force it one way instead of where it wants to go can mean that nothing really gets done. Proofreading is one thing, and that can be hard enough to concentrate on, but editing is more than that. In the case of chapter 5 well, there are things that have to work or… Well they don't yet so no chapter 5 for you guys. And I may say that "chapter 8 really needs some attention" (XP) same deal. Just because I want to write it doesn't mean that's what I can concentrate on. I mean just look at chapter 2 of predators 3/4 finished since before I started 2 – 14 – 9X. I know what happens next, I watched it play out a a dozen times in my head.

     

    (Are you loving or hating a look behind the scenes right now? Be honest.)

     

    And sometimes, this is speaking more historically, there's a difference between writing something, writing something that's good, and writing something that's useful. I have at least three "novels" that are each unfinished, probably more than 100 pages apiece, and they tell so little of the story for all that wordage that it's not even funny. Not to me anyway. It's not that what I wrote is bad, it's just... ugh. Slow. Or focuses so much on setting that by the time the actors start doing something there's no momentum carried over from the previous scene.

     

    So maybe there's only been a few thousand words of progress over the last few months. But trust me, a few thousand words of progress are better than tens of thousands that don't go anywhere.  

     

    *Looks offstage when there's muttering from the wings* "Yes yes I'm still going to tell your stories someday."

     

    Probably in the grand scheme of things my old writing accomplishes in more than 100 pages less story mileage than I've managed to do in Predators: 2-4-9X thus far. 

     

    I'll take the right 4k words over the good but useless 40k I might otherwise have added in the past. Am I making sense?

     

    Writing aside, life presents its obstacles and distractions. Work, home, mood disorders, drama drama drama, even as a spectator. Sigh.

     

    I've got a couple people that might become beta readers. That will help if it happens. Nothing refuels focus on writing like talking about it with people.

     

    I've also joined a writing group IRL. While I don't know ow much that will help, I'm not exactly eager to volunteer "hey I write about teenagers having sex. Gay ones." I mean, that's not what I want to be the focus of my writing, the emotions are what matter but I think we all know that's the part that would stand out.

     

    They do something for national novel writing month and I have vague operations of participating. Which is why, except for engaging with my potential beta readers and if the mood strikes me to do otherwise, I'm going to be focusing on prep work for a short story that has been preoccupying me and the broader story that it inspired because that may be my NaNoWiMo project.

     

    I know 2-14 is already behind schedule and any diehards have been waiting for seven years for Predators chapter 2. But I hope my readers and fellow writers and everyone here can focus on the positive. If I even get close that means you guys could see something pretty complete. And writing is writing.

    .

    I started this log entry thinking about how far I've come, it makes sense to leave it at I thought of how far I have to go.

     

    I've said before, in that interview actually, my writing is my journey, and I hope that some of you want to come along.

     

     

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    CAUTION: THE FOLLOWING BLOG ENTRY TALKS ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT AND MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

    Hey everyone :hug: ,

    How’s everyone? I hope everyone’s doing good. I haven’t been doing that great. I might say, I have been doing quite awful suffering from both depression and anxiety for the past two months or so. I have been kind of absent from the site due to being extremely busy with the university for the past couple of months (dissertation is not the most favourite thing for me to do).

    Anyways, this feeling of awfulness started a about three months back, the day after I turned 24. To support myself through the uni I (used to) work at a fast food restaurant what also involved delivering the food to the costumer’s place. On one of these deliveries, I called the costumer when at his place, he buzzed me inside and I went up to his apartment. The door was open and I could hear some noises so, I knocked and waited for him. He appeared from the corner carrying some boxes and asked me to leave the food on the kitchen counter. Now, this wasn’t the first time a costumer asked me to carry the food inside. So, I didn’t think much of it and went inside, put the food on counter and told him the price of the order (It was not paid already). While he went to get the money, I realised that the sounds were coming from a porn movie. Suddenly, I felt extremely uncomfortable and wanted to leave. He brought the money and it was all coins.

    So, I had to stand there and count all of them before leaving. As, I was counting he started saying things like “I’m so horny” or “Are you horny” etc. I kept trying to ignore him and tried to finish counting as soon as possible while all of a sudden, he touched me (there). I don’t know why, but I was immediately paralysed. Probably due to fear or surprise or a mixture of both, I’m not completely sure to be honest. He then proceeded to do whatever he felt like. I almost felt like I had no control over whatever was happening. I wanted to yell at him to stop and get away from me, kick at him and run away but neither any sound came out of my mouth nor my hands moved to stop him. I kind of blacked out but could still see and feel everything and it was horrifying. After he was done he just got up and went to clean himself up. Meanwhile, I regained my senses enough to just get up and bolted away from there (I didn’t even bother taking the money). As soon as I got on to the road I just puked all of my breakfast on the side (in the bushes), returned to the restaurant, told them I wasn’t feeling well, went home and scrubbed myself in the shower.

    I was utterly disgusted with the entire experience and felt like extremely violated and also that I wasn’t clean no matter how many showers I have taken. The worst part of this entire experience was that my body still reacted to his actions and it felt like my own body failed me in this entire process. I just ended curling up at my home for most of the next two days almost never leaving the bed. One half of my mind kept telling me that I had been sexually assaulted while the other kept saying that I really haven’t because I never objected to it. All of this led to my depression becoming worse and for the first time, I felt ashamed to face the world. Even through my childhood and teenage growing up as an Lgbt+ kid, I never felt the feeling of shame and ended up losing any inspiration to do any sort of work. Not to mention the fear of contracting an STD. This led to my assignments being submitted late or unfinished or both at times and affected my grades.

    The worst part doesn’t even start here. Remember, I called him before to get to his address? Well, he also now had my phone number and hence kept calling me at random times with often lewd suggestions and offers to come to his place because his wife was away. He also turned up a my workplace more than a couple of times. I ended up blocking his number and he then started blocking his caller ID or even calling me from different phone numbers. And thanks to all of these actions, I became extremely anxious and now have to keep an inhaler with me in case of an asthma attack (the asthma existed in my family before, I didn’t get asthma because of him but it’s onslaught started a lot earlier than it should have thanks to the conditions). The queasiness in the stomach never stops. Finally, 5 days ago, when he called me, I warned him against calling me and threatened to disclose all of this matter to his wife and also told him that I secretly recorded his previous calls. It seemed to have scared him and he hasn’t contacted me ever since.

    I finally decided to see a psychologist about all of these issues and my first appointment will be on the next week. I am still quite unsure on how to approach the subject and my sexuality in general and the issues I have developed growing up in a homophobic environment and country. I really needed to tell this to someone because I really need to concentrate on my assignments and exams and the psychologist appointment is still a week away and I wasn’t sure I would feel the best after I speak about topics such as my sexuality and mental health issues.

    I do have several questions, am I wrong in being angry and sad that I have been violated against my consent? Can it even be considered a sexual assault if I necessarily didn’t even object? It wasn’t like he hit me and forced himself on me. I really wasn’t able to act at all. Am I wrong in getting sad that my first sexual experience with someone else was this? Is this even considered sex? Am I thinking too much about this?

    Anyways, thanks for reading everyone. I really appreciate being able to share this horrible experience with someone, I really needed that. Hope everyone has a great day/night :hug: .

    Victor

    P.S. I apologise for any grammatical errors as I really did not proof read because I just wanted to type it and post it immediately. And I generally use British/ Australian spellings, so please excuse all the additional 'u's and the 's' in the spellings :P :lol:

    EDIT: I'm not completely sure if this sort of topic can be posted in a blog. If it cannot be, just let me know and I would be happy to remove it. Thank you :)

  2. As I had stated to Page and a couple others on Cott... we need to be aware and pay attention to our teens and how badgering and "Just kidding" remarks bring issues and tragedies... how we just don't know how much weight and burden it can produce...!!! Sadly... Dennis 191 is that example... we knew him as the crazy Hun that would go into fits at Cott Say and do CRAZY things...Not knowing the deeper issues and horrors he had and lived... Dennis191 had a mindset, but there were reasons for those mindsets... I knew Dennis had deeper rooted problems, dealing with teens for 27 years you tend to pick up on things, especially the boys, they will blow things off to their peers but in their alone time and internally it eventually peaks... Dennis peaked on GA before he left, became spiteful and rebellious to moderators and others as well... he was crying out the best way he knew how, and the only way he knew... Dennis and I remained in contact after he left we became very close as he had begun to allow me into his world... A very cruel and difficult world I might add... being a loaner not for fear... but of the penalty of letting anyone too close in his space. But I was very persistent every day to connect and encourage edify, and even hug from 5000 miles away. Christmas last year he was all alone and I could tell as it approached it bothered him even though he would never say it... because Dennis through a series of events always had to suck things up and cope with life as it was dealt to him... this all began at a very early time in his young life, his parents blamed him for being  born, continually calling him a worthless piece of crap... only to send him away After his Grandparents died ( his one and only outlet, he Loved his Grandparents) Dennis was sent to a boys Military school at the age of thirteen so his dad wouldn't have to look at him, the military School was located at the site of an old Anthrax testing ground. it was said to be safe, but it was just a story. Dennis had contracted Anthrax while there its effects were somehow  not life-threatening to him as with others 2 youth died... he was at the firing range when the staff person monitoring them became aggressive with Dennis and Dennis shot  and killed him they ended up out of fear of being found out to kick Dennis out of the School and send him back home to "Dad". Dennis went back to School at the Public Schools where he met His soul mate Jon who was the only thing keeping him going and giving him the love he lacked for the next two years. Then Jon because of his home and school Situations of bullies and an abusive stepfather... ended up Killing himself, leaving Dennis alone and angry again until last November when he was asked by his cousin who lived in Serbia to come and  spend the Holidays with them and if he liked it he could stay which was good for him to be around people who did care, and know what he had gone through. But we remained in contact and drew closer and I could even tell when he was getting ready to have one of his fits and divert it into something more positive... he did get better and even found work for a while... I had sent him funds on many occasions to help out as they don't make much there... we had talked about my Eye surgery and well he was the very First person I was able to see with my eye after surgery and he was proud of that, but there were many things still Haunting Dennis he had 3-4 times talked about committing suicide when he would return from the store or back from venturing out... he was Teased and ridiculed for being Hungarian and had gotten to the point he would fight back when he went out. We began talking about me going to Serbia and then we would tour his Native Hungarian land and he was excited as I was... I began to make all the arrangements and set stuff in order, then my eye needed surgery again and he thought our Visit would not happen, had quit his job there and was going to go to London to work...He said he could make more money there... I asked about my trip and he said we were still on when my eye situation was finished. Then he became irritated again but wouldn't share, And I did finally find out he was having complications with getting his ID? passport renewed, but I knew it was more... had started to revert back not sleeping and Nightmares all the time, I knew I needed to get there ASAP. I remember his birthday on may 5th he turned 19... although I could not be there I was bound to make it memorable for him, I had bought my New computer and decided I would have my Old lap top refurbished( he was using an old hp D760 we called it the Dino) I had  upgraded everything on it and sent it with Cables and Speakers and Even a new LG4 phone, his screen was so cracked I just imagined him with Bandaids on his fingersThe box weighed about 21 lbs full of converters and every thing needed for him .... it was very expensive to ship and even cost  a lot to have it delivered there, but to me it was worth it to give him a grand 19th birthday, I played his Native birthday music and sent him some songs we had enjoyed for hours together... when He said it was just another day I knew no one had spent time to show him his value and worth with "No strings attached" Dennis was a good kid and would give his very last to a stranger... he often thought of others and said he was not important... So untrue I got to know the real Dennis not the one he would try and show... Yes he was a little off but anyone of us would have been Dead already if we were in his shoes....So When a kid is acting up or out maybe  we need to step closer, ask those questions we are afraid to ask help edify and encourage before it's to late....!!!  my Heart is truly broken and heavy The pain will linger at His Death, yes he couldn't take it any longer the screams the agony and terror the teasing  and the disrespect for his culture... he laid down  boldly in front of a train leaving the station to end his alredy numb and disembodied life... I lost a Brother, Friend a child still in the heart but a very very confused one... I am just in tears I could not get to him in time... but then was there ever any time, or was he just biding time... That We will never know... So those who knew Dennis 191 please take a moment in remembering him and now you know more than ever before, I am so glad to have taken the time and spent what was a bonding moment, I am glad to have spent the hundreds of hours on the net  and even video chatted with him, the eyes  don't lie and well they told his life story, and his connection with me ... the challenges we both faced... take a moment to remember him and then think is there someone in my own life I should be more aware, spend more time with, and just love them for who they are... not who we want them to be...!!! Here's to you... you Dennis are not or ever was a mistake you are Loved an always will be loved and now maybe you can truly Rest in Peace...???:heart::kiss::heart::heart:

  3. Needless to say, my life is one big fuck up right now. Everything seems to be going to the shits. Well, not everything. Two significant parts of my life remain on track. My reading is prodigious right now. I am actively reading: Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman, Lords and Ladies by Terry Pratchett, The Seventh Cross by Anna Seghers, Hiroshima by John Hersey, Blood’s a Rover by Harlan Ellison, and most of The New Yorker when it comes to the house most weeks. Yeah, you’re asking how do I keep track of it all. Well, I do, somehow. The other thing going on correctly right now is my next story. It had a working title of The Reluctant Father up until yesterday when I changed it to Canes. I working on Chapter 8 right now. It is a psycho-sexual family drama about a sixty-something gay widower and a young gay teen who has an unhealthy relationship with railroad locomotives. It’s not so much that they go fast, but exactly what happens if you’re standing in front of one when it’s going 50 mph.

     

    So, what’s going on with the rest of my live? Well, you see we have this thirteen week old German Shepherd puppy that—although she belongs to my son—is my responsibility during the day because he works swing shift, comes home and stays up until three or four in the morning, doesn’t get up until one or one-thirty in the afternoon, and he leaves for work at two-fifteen so he can get to work an hour early so he can read the newspaper.

     

    Then yesterday afternoon when he got up to eat his breakfast, his regular bowl was dirty because he’d used it for a snack the previous night, so, he got a bowl out of the cupboard. Now, these bowls are not cereal bowls; they’re more dessert sized, which means he has to keep the box of cereal and the jug of milk on the table so he can have a sizeable breakfast.

     

    “Why didn’t you wash your bowl?” I asked foolishly.

     

    “Oh, you know, I don’t do service work anymore. The house nigger should’ve cleaned it before I got up.”

     

    Yeah, that’s his nickname for me.

     

    The house nigger does the dishes, sweeps the floors, does the grocery shopping, and raises his mastuh’s dogs.

     

    Plus, my knees are giving out on me, but the VA orthopedic surgeons won’t send me outside to get artificial knees because I weigh too much. I think I need to lose about another ten pounds. My bad knees are forcing me to decide whether I’m going to give up the idea of leaning how to play the guitar because I have to drive 27 miles to my lessons every Saturday. I know you’re thinking, “Oh, the poor old man has to drive TWENTY-SEVEN MILES and back for his guitar lessons. Well, if it’s all that far, maybe, he should give up his dream. Poor old man.”

     

    Well, fuck, I drive down there and back and not surprisingly it takes me six days to recover (yeah, six days means I miss that day’s lesson) because unlike most people, I don’t have any cartilage in my knees. It’s all melted away and has been replaced with arthritis, but my orthopedic surgeon says I gotta walk to keep that synovial fluid sloshing around in there to cushion what I have left of my knees. If I don’t, then just maybe I won’t be able to walk at all. I’ll be lucky if they issue me one of those walkers with handle bars, a seat, and hand brakes. Worse? Well, I don’t want to think of worse because when the surgeon told me about what worse entails, I figured I’d better get out there and walk some more even if it makes my knees feel like dried dog shit on a hardwood floor.

     

    And, of course, there’s the head or, rather, its contents, that collection of gray and white matter which is supposed to keep me on an even keel, but doesn’t. Sure, I take meds, I’ve been taking meds since April, 2008. But, now, I’ve been released by my local VA shrink and sent out to a vendor. An example of this vendor’s expertise in mental health meds is she prescribed Amantadine for my Essential Tremor. It’s a mild Parkinson’s drug given for tremor from that disorder, but one of its rather insidious side effects is narcolepsy. If I take that, I’ll be subjecting myself to my personal “My Own Private Idaho.” Just think of it, no more tremors, but going to sleep in a school zone and wiping out a street crossing full of first graders. Not my idea of fun. They do recommend not driving or operating heavy equipment if you take it. So, I’m not going to be taking that med. When she asks how I doing on it, I’ll let her know about the narcolepsy side effect. Probably, the worst thing about that side effect is that not only can it occur when you first start taking the med, but it can crop up years away. I wonder how many old people who’ve been given that drug and fall asleep while driving down the street and take out a sidewalk full of kids on their way to get Slurpees. It certainly won’t be me.

     

    But, speaking of mental health, I’m in a general funk right now. Yesterday, I was ready to pack my bags and books and take a powder. I don’t know where I would’ve gone. Probably, a city where there is a VA Med Center where I could get treatment for my various ailments. And, of course, although I would’ve left a note, I wouldn’t say where I was going and I certainly would never come back. No, this house nigger was going to be a runaway and I wouldn’t give a fuck about whether my son could remember how to wash dishes.

     

    Today? Well, today I listened to all of my Vangelis CDs and typed this blog, which dumped a whole lot of shit on you guys. I apologize, but you see I don’t have anyone else to dump on because my VA shrink won’t talk to me and my vendor shrink only speaks to veterans on Thursday’s. So, thank you for listening and sorry for the “N” word, but when you’re called it, it kind of sticks to you in not a very nice way.

     

    Better go, time to feed the dogs or mastuh be mad.

     

  4. This morning I woke up, pretended to eat the imaginary ice cream (green flavour!) that Goblinboy pretended to feed me, got up and fetched Baby Wolfeater from his cot, gave them milk, and went back to bed to snuggle my husband. Dashi joined us, because the best place for a lurcher to be is cuddled on our duvet, and after a little while we were invaded by our small and not so small sons. Then I got up.

     

    It's Sunday, so I abandoned my husband with the small boys, and Dashi and I went to the farm. Many people have told me I'm a lucky bastard, and trust me when I say that I believe them. Our great friends Clare and Christian have rented us (back in April) a little scrap of unused woodland with a pond in it (about an acre all in all, but not all useable) in return for one pig per year - ready for the freezer. So we built a fence (cue swearing, shouting, bleeding) and now we have pigs, six chickens in a run we got for free (score!), a greenhouses we have yet to rebuild (secondhand for nothing), a shed containing the very beginnings of a rabbit tree (meat rabbits, don't get all sappy on me), and a raised bed growing potatoes.

     

    I fed the animals, walked to Copper's field and gave him breakfast, and went for a walk with Dashi and the farm spaniels. It was a good morning.

     

    Then I came home to be greeted by all my boys.

     

    Goblinboy will be three (THREE? where did the time go?) at the end of October, and Wolfeater has just turned one. Goblinboy is all about the talking, playing pretend, the questions (Why is rain?), the learning about hammers and anvils (he's learning from his Daddy. I'm proud), and the helping with absolutely everything (anyone need a tiny gardener?). Wolfeater is walking (properly walking) and has been able to climb the stairs since six months (yeah, we've had no rest), and is busy eating whatever he can lay his hands on and trying out new word-sounds.

     

    And.... now neither of them are napping anymore, and I gotta go.

     

    Oh, and I wrote something. Kitt's been great at keeping my secrets as always. Bye y'all!

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    Superpride
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    Listed below are the story cards and the ending card that you will use to create ideas for a story that you will then write down as a response to this entry.  More details are in the description of the blog.  Enjoy!

     

    Story Cards

    Child (Character)

    This Can Fly (Aspect)

    Cave (Place)

    Fire (Thing)

    Ring (Thing)

     

    Ending Card

    So the rightful ruler was placed on the throne once more.

  5. Dear G A

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    quokka
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    Dear GA

    I know it has been a while, I have been in a state of nothingness this past week.

    i have just started writing again, and although I am still taking it easy, I have managed to complete another two chapters of an un finished story, which I am sure my followers will be pleased about.

    life seems to be sliding by at a rate that I can sometimes not keep track of, with me having to check my mobile phone, to see what day it is.

    i sometimes wonder what the hell have I done during my life, and the truth is stuff all really, which doesn't help with my moods.

    well that is all for now.

    Preston

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    Me: Hey! Hi ! Hello ! How are you ? Can we be friends ? 

               I am so like that! it is so funny that I am so hopeful that I can find my true love. True love that I can’t see , it’s like I am blind or that “true love” is so far to see . I am now 18 ! and that existence I didn’t have a relationship yet! I have so many crushes and sadly none of them like me? Am I ugly? “ looking at the mirror” Me: No , my friends and other says I’m cute . 

    Am I super girly? 

    Me: No

    Am I sweet ? 

    Me: sometimes 

               Maybe months have passed, I started chatting on many guys online, I found out that I am inlove to guys who is older than me, like some of my batch mates are for crush and for day dreaming  only. I am a joker in class, I make the whole class laugh ! What’s wrong with me? Why like there are no guys wants me? “urghhhh” . 

    Everyday and night I didn’t stop to add guys , text them , or call them if I am so upset that no one really want me. Maybe some says they have their “bf” “hubby” “honey “ “mine” or “my boo” etc. Some says they are not yet ready. Some says they want to see me real and meet me. And like “ hooooo” you know what is the reason why ? I look for that ideal man! “No” I mean the man who can love me truly, accept me, care for me, and willing to visit me here in country. The main reason why I don’t have any bf right now because I am looking for a foreign guy or some guys from other country. Look how many guys I added on Facebook, followed on Instagram, and etc. Like maybe there are only 4-5 persons last for a month in chat. They say that love is hard when you are in different country , “ yeah , I know “ but we can be if we will do something which will make us strong.  

    One time I said to myself I should wait, until one time,  I was about to sleep and I am still scrolling who is onlins, and I saw a message request coming from  a guy in London, not so cute but he has that look. Like he is so sweet and weeks after  chatting, he is now saying that he loves me! OMG! and I really don’t that he is 25 !!! but then I should say that I am so lucky ! I expect so much , and this is it, I said my “YES” and we are both so happy after. After 2 weeks he said that he has plans for me, so sometimes he is busy on his work and he is hardly working. Before our monthsary maybe 4 days before , I was like waiting to him to get online, and then my text is became like an essay! he is not replying or even say 

    Good morning, or even a thumbs up”  . 🙄 Is this real? like at first he really loves me , and he always say those excuse that he is so busy. So after 4 days is our Monthsary, like I am the one who greet him and made a long sweet message. Then the only reply he said was “ thank you”  Whaaaatttt??? I am a kind person so I understand him. 

                2nd Month , like sometimes we do video call and we are like laughing while he is walking to go to his work, then he’s like making me happy.  After  weeks, is our second Monthsary and like he greet me, then I said “ I love you” and like I am so blushing all day when I think of him. I suggested to him that he must have an haircut because he has long hair , then he said that soon! After all these days, he was like a smoke like gone for a week, then he is calling me like he is drunk, like his face was so haggard and stressed, so I really worry about him, you know what’s worse that he said to me that “ You may leave” like I don’t understand him that night.  So we ended the video call incompletely and I am worried . Early in the morning I open my inbox from Messenger he was apologizing , and like I forgive him. That’s me easy to forgive and very kind.  

                                      To be Continued.

  6. Valkyrie
    Latest Entry

    On August 9, 2013 I decided to take the plunge and join GA as a member instead of reading stories as a lurker.  While I'd dabbled a bit with writing poetry and some creative fiction, I'd never actually finished anything I started writing.  The closest I came was a vampire novel I started writing in the early '90s (which I may yet finish ;) )  The atmosphere on GA was so welcoming.  It felt like a place where I wanted to interact with others, and one of my favorite things was reading the weekly prompts.  There was more participation in the prompts back then, and I felt like they were a good way to ease back into writing.  Bolstered by the positive and encouraging responses to those early scribblings, I expanded one of them into my first novella. I then decided to tackle the anthologies, which helped me develop my writing skills even more.  I was beyond thrilled to be promoted to Promising Author, and then Signature.  I still feel a flash of pride whenever I see the maroon rectangle next to my name.  :) 

     

    Writing and GA has opened so many doors for me.  I love writing and sharing my work with like-minded people.  My editing/beta team have become dear, dear friends. @Cole Matthews, @Lisa, @aditus... I can't imagine a life without you all in it :hug:  There are too many to name, but know everyone on this site holds a special place in my heart.  It's hard to believe it's been five years since I de-cloaked and became a member.  Yes, I'm a Star Trek nerd :gikkle: 

     

    Many of you know I have been spending the summer re-doing my house.  I bought new appliances, a new recliner, a giant cat tree, and a boatload of other new things for the house.  My mom and I moved every piece of furniture, scrubbed the walls and floors, and went through every box downstairs.  I threw out a ton of stuff, donated a ton of stuff, and now have a manageable living space.  There are a few reasons we did all this.  One, it needed to be done.  I've done a lot of travelling in the ten years I've lived here, so I let a lot of house stuff go.  Two, I had my BFF planning to visit for a week and I wanted a house that didn't look like it was inhabited by trolls. And three... I am having major surgery this week.  

     

    This has been a summer of reflection for me.  I found a lot of things from my past when going through all those boxes.  Mostly good memories, but some bittersweet.  I don't want to get into all the details of my surgery, since it's rather personal, but I will say I have a pre-cancerous condition which requires the removal of some parts.  The risk of cancer is relatively low, but still there.  I've had two prior surgeries, and admit to being most nervous about this one.  So I will be away from the site briefly while I recover.  I'm hoping my absence will be less than a week, but it all depends on how I feel and what they find.  I won't have my laptop with me until I'm back home, but I will have my cell phone and will keep Cole updated.  He has my permission to post updates here.  

     

    I am hoping to do a lot of writing while I recover.  I'd like to finish "The Hollow Hills" and start my next novel.  I have some editing to do, and something exciting in the works for GA.  I also hope to be able to do some reading... something I've been neglecting lately.  

     

    So that's what going on in my life right now.  Thank you to all my readers, followers, and friends. You guys are awesome :hug: :kiss: 

  7. I wrote this article for Reddit just for the hell of it.

    ***

    Someone posted earlier about the annoying amount of over-development and suburban sprawl in Delaware. I thought it would be interesting to go a little bit over the reasons why the system is set up like the way it is, and how the forces of suburbanization have made Delaware into the bedroom community it is today.

     

    Wilmington developed at a steady pace throughout the 1800's- especially during the Civil War, which the du Pont Company really flourished as at the time they were known for gun powder. In 1864, a horse railcar line was developed around Delaware Avenue, which allowed for Wilmington residential development to expand out towards the "country", and leafy residential neighborhoods began to sprout. Note that this would be a continuing pattern for Wilmington's elite- building pretty "country" houses and pushing north of Wilmington.

     

    Soon, the railroad came, as well as the trolley car. This allowed for Wilmington's first official suburb, Elsmere, which was developed in 1886 by Joshua Heald for working middle-class families. Though there were talks for Wilmington annexing Elsmere into their city boundaries, Elsmere had incorporated as its own town by 1909. Wilmington couldn't really do much about it, because they had a weak city charter and New Castle County government would thwart them time after time whenever they tried to expand their borders.

     

    World War I and World War II brought continued prosperity to Wilmington, which reached 112k in population by 1940. Again, given that Wilmington had a weak city charter that made it hard for them to annex surrounding land into their city, a lot of residential development began to spill out of the borders of Wilmington, which was made even easier by the car. It was around this time that the prosperous North Wilmington suburbs were developed, originally for the du Pont company chemists and their families. (Think Alapocas, Greenville, Talleyville, etc.)

    Meanwhile, the more solidly middle-class suburban development continued out from Elsemere along the newly built Kirkwood Highway. Newark, which had been a relatively small town throughout most of its history, also exploded in population, going from just 6k people in 1950 to over 20k by 1970. The first wave of suburban sprawl began to hit the Newark area as areas such as Brookside were developed.

     

    As the 1950's continued and gave way to the 1960's, suburban development and flight from Wilmington continued. There are a couple of factors for this. The first is that the building of I-95 required demolition of several city neighborhoods, which destabilized the entire area and also made it even easier for people who worked in Wilmington to commute from the suburbs. The second is that the G.I. Bill, which returning WWII vets were using to buy homes, strongly favored new construction in the suburbs as opposed to the older housing stock. Third, the returning G.I.'s and their wives would give birth to what is known as the Baby Boomer Generation. This cohort was so large that entire children-consumer industries sprang up. These G.I.'s preferred to raise their kids in their suburbs, continuing the suburban flight from Wilmington. Finally, the perception of Wilmington being unsafe stemmed from the Wilmington riots of 1968, which led to most of suburban Delaware turning their backs on Wilmington and never looking back. From the 1950's through the 1980's, Wilmington's population would drop from 95k in 1950, down to about 70k by 1990, which is more or less where the population has stabilized.

     

    In the late 1970's, Christiana Mall began to be developed, which drove more development. The success of that mall meant that developers have clamored to build retail in the areas surrounding the mall since, hoping to capture that success as well- you see that today with the new Christiana Fashion Center. The building of nearby Christiana Hospital in 1984-1985 would also be a major driver of development in that region. Another biggie would be MBNA, which was founded in 1982 and became a massive behomoth of a suburban office complex in Ogletown.

     

    Ah, yes, we can't forget about banks, which began a boom in Delaware in the 1980's due to laws passed in 1981 that were favorable to banks. This did in fact led to a lot of office development in Wilmington, but the Baby Boomer bankers preferred living in the suburbs to living in the city. I mean, there were some city neighborhoods that got revived (think 40 Acres/Trolley Square) but by and large the affluence that was being driven by the banking boom of the 80's/90's was going out into the suburbs instead of being invested into the city. At least, beyond the gleaming office towers.

    The next round of suburban development (the 1980's-1990's) would take place around the Bear/Glasgow area. Originally cheap farmland (this area was big on horses), it became known for townhomes and cookie cutter housing developments. On the more upscale side, the affluent developments around Hockessin began to pop up as well. Both of these areas were not incorporated, which meant that developers did not need to go through city laws/city councils in order to get their developments approved- just having to deal with the city. I grew up in Bear during the 2000's, and I remember my jaw dropping when someone told me that Bear had largely been the "country" back in the 80's. You can still see some remnants of its past (I remember seeing some horse farms close to Old Porter Road) but man.

     

    Anyway, another really, really huge factor in the suburban sprawl deal in Delaware comes up in the 1990's. That would be the construction of Route 1. Originally built to bypass Route 13 and create a faster route to the beach, this would help the MOT area (Middletown, Odessa, Townsend) explode in population, as it was now a more convenient area to commute from. Middletown had 3k people in 1990, now it's up to over 20k, and that's just within the city limits. One difference in the suburban sprawl story of Middletown is that the mayor of the 1990's actually set this in motion on purpose, because Middletown was a dying farming town. The town began to aggressively annex surrounding areas so they would benefit from the building of the housing developments and strip malls. This would led to Middletown's population growing by 206 percent between 2000 to 2010. Not that there hasn't been some pushback- in 1999 Middletown residents rejected a school referendum purely as an attempt to stop the suburban development, but of course, it didn't really work.

     

    Route 1 has been a major driver of suburban development all across the state for the past 20 years. I lived in Dover from 2005-2006, and I remember there was a lot of suburbs getting built around the former farmland. Downstate also saw a lot of this growth, particularly with the beach areas, although that growth hasn't extended out to the western part of Sussex County.

    One thing that began to happen, especially during that 2000's real estate boom, is that developers in New Castle County started talking about "re-developing" golf courses, nature preserves, and former office complexes, particularly in the more crowded part above the canal. One particularly nasty fight occurred when the Stoltz Company wanted to build a 13-story tower in Greenville at the former Barley Mill Office complex, and basically the residents banded together to sue them 'til kingdom come until those plans were dropped. Another really controversial move has been talk abut re-developing the Newark Country Club, which has been bandied about for at least the past 15 years but it keeps getting thwarted. I also remember there were some whispers about developing in Bellevue Park around this area, although I don't know if that came to fruition.

     

    The Great Recession did put a damper for a while for suburban development in Delaware. Development has come back, but if you notice, a lot of what's getting built currently are townhomes aimed at seniors as well as apartment buildings. (Notably, the Newark student apartment buildings that everyone likes to bitch about.) You're not seeing as many plans for McMansion developments the way you would have back in the 90's and the 2000's.

     

    Anyways...

    1.) Delaware has always been a really convenient place to travel through when it comes to go to Philly, D.C./Baltimore, or New York City. This convenience has only increased with the building of roads like I-95 and Route 1. (Probably the new 301 is really going to jumpstart some new suburban sprawl as well.)

    2.) Delaware has historically stayed away from compact urban development. Newark was originally a sleepy town that had a small college. Dover was small town until the 1970's. A lot of Delaware was rural for most of our history. (Still shocked at the thought of Bear being a sleepy little farming community as recently as the 80's.) Our only "big" city is Wilmington, and even when they had 100k residents, they weren't building tall apartment buildings- note the row-homes and townhomes.

    3.) Developers like building on flat, open spaces, which Delaware had/has a lot of because we had so many farms. And we are largely on the Atlantic Coastal plain.

    4.) Wilmington lost 40k people in the course of about 50 years, and been unable to entice people to come back. One interesting fact- in 1940, Wilmington had 112k people. Delaware itself only had 266k people. That means that over 40 percent of the entire state of Delaware lived in Wilmington in 1940. Now that percentage is down to about 7 percent!

    5.) Government, especially in New Castle County, has a really, really hard time saying no to developers. There's also this mindset of not thinking ahead. I've learned in the Memories of Newark group that in the 1960's, the Newark City Council was floating the idea of building a by-pass that would have gone around the Main Street area. Sort of similar to what's going on right now with the 301, which is going to by-pass the current 301 that goes through Middletown. It was floated because at the time, Newark was booming, and the traffic problems we see today started to appear. However, the city council voted it down because they thought it was unnecessary. Today, the proposed bypass would be impossible because most of that land got developed, so Newarkers today basically have to pay for the mistakes that were made 50 years ago. And you see similar stories to that again and again- developers getting their way and our government not making them put in the infrastructure needed because they don't want to lose the development deals.

     

    So yeah, there you have it. It's basically almost inevitable that Delaware basically is the way it is. We're basically just reaping what Elsmere sowed back in the early 1900's when they refused to become part of Wilmington because they didn't want to pay city taxes.

    TL;DR: Delaware's life as a suburban bedroom community is the result of forces that were set in motion as early as the 19th century.

    Edited...looks like people want some sources so here's a couple:

    "Corporate Capital- Wilmington in the 20th Century" by Carol Hoffecker, Temple University Press, 1983.

    Wilmington DE population

    Newark DE Population

    Dover DE Historical Population

    Delaware population figures

    Middletown DE Wikpedia Page

    Save Our County- Website for the group that fought the Stoltz Company tooth and nail over the proposed Greenville development

    Push for country park on former orphanage site remains strong, Newark Post Online 2017

    West Main Street Residents Want By-pass, Newark Post Achives September 2,1994

    Christiana Fashion Center's first phase on target, Delaware Business Times March 2015

    Northern Delaware's Christiana Mall remains resistant to retail's rough patch, BisNow 2018

    Banking Haven- Washington Post 1983

    Middletown, Delaware Annexing Farmland- New York Times 1990

    Market Street Renaissance- Out & About, October 2015

    Developers Target Delaware Golf Courses January 2016

    ***

    Growing up as suburban kid...I wouldn't have it any other way. I fucking LOVED hanging out at the mall growing up. I don't know if I would have liked being a city kid, or being in some small cow town or something.

  8. DQDk556.jpg

     

     

    TRACK LISTING

    1. Computer Game (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - The Arcade
    2. High Score Summer (Arcade High) - Matt Meets Sam
    3. Digital Love (Daft Punk) - “Why Don’t You Play The Game?”
    4. Ready To Start (Arcade Fire) - Matt Levels Up
    5. Slow (Kylie Minogue) - The Body Game, No Batteries Required
    6. Boom, Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room) (Paul Lekakis) -  Scoring Tyler
    7. No ‘I’ In Threesome (Interpol) - Matt + Sam + Tyler = Mamler
    8. Moments In Love (Art Of Noise) - Manage A Toir
    9. Behind The Mask (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - Taking On ‘The Green Monster’ Game Boss
    10. Goodbye (FM-84) - The Threesome Breaks Up
    11. Innocence (Electric Youth) - Suddenly Becoming Too Old For Games
    12. Send Me An Angel (Groovecatcher Cover Of Real Life) - Tyler Meets Ariel
    13. Young & Unafraid - Robert DeLong Mix (The Moth & The Flame) - The Courage True Love Brings
    14. 21st Century Digital Boy (Bad Religion) - Matt Gets His Game Back On
    15. Why Did I Say Goodbye (Tommy ‘86) - Sam Comes Back To Play
    16. Look Into My Eyes (Arcade High) - Sam Meets Matt Again For The First Time
    17. Put Your Money On Me (Arcade Fire) - Matt Learns To Bet And Win
    18. The Comeback Kid (The Midnight) - Matt Comes Back
    19. Running To You (Arcade High) - Sam and Matt, Playmates Forever
    20. Arcade Summer (FM-84) - ‘The Sun Still Shines Bright On Our Arcade Summer’

    ————————————

    Computer Game (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - The Arcade

     

    Electronic Overture

     

    High Score Summer (Arcade High) - Matt Meets Sam

     

    Electronic Tenderness

     

    Digital Love (Daft Punk) - “Why Don’t You Play The Game?”

     

    [Verse 1]

    Last night I had a dream about you

    In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you

    And it looked like everyone was having fun

    The kind of feeling I've waited so long

     

    [Verse 2]

    Don't stop, come a little closer
    As we jam, the rhythm gets stronger
    There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
    We were dancing all night long

    The time is right to put my arms around you
    You're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too
    But suddenly I feel the shining sun
    Before I knew it, this dream was all gone

     

    [Verse 3]

    Ooh, I don't know what to do

    About this dream and you

    I wish this dream comes true

    Ooh, I don't know what to do
    About this dream and you
    We'll make this dream come true

     

    [Interlude]

     

    [Outro]

    Why don't you play the game?
    Why don't you play the game?

     

    Ready To Start (Arcade Fire) - Matt Levels Up

     

    Businessmen drink my blood

    Like the kids in art school said they would

    And I guess I'll just begin again

    You say you, can we still be friends

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was bored

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    Well I'm not

     

    All the kids have always known

    That the emperor wears no clothes

    But to bow to down to them anyway

    Is better than being alone

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was bored

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

     

    Now you're knocking at my door

    Saying please come out against tonight

    But I would rather be alone

    Than pretend I feel alright

     

    If the businessmen drink my blood

    Like the kids in art school said they would

    Then I guess I'll just begin again

    You say you can still be friends

     

    If I was scared

    I would

    And if I was pure

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

    Now I'm ready to start

    If I was scared

    I would

     

    And if I was pure

    You know I would

    And if I was yours

    But I'm not

     

    Now I'm ready to start

    Now I'm ready to start

     

    I would rather be wrong

    Than live in the shadows of your song

    My mind is open wide

     

    And now I'm ready to start

    Now I'm ready to start

     

    My mind is open wide

    And now I'm ready to start

    Your mind surely opened the door

    To step out into the dark

     

    Now I'm ready

     

    Slow (Kylie Minogue) - The Body Game, No Batteries Required

        

    Knew you'd be here tonight

    So I put my best dress on

    Boy I was so right

    Our eyes connected

    Now nothin's how it used to be

    No second guesses

    Trackin' on this feelin'

    Pull focus close up you and me

    Nobody's leavin'

     

    Got me affected

    Spun me one eighty degrees

    So electric

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    Don't wanna rush it

    Let the rhythm pull you in

    It's here so touch it

    You know what I'm sayin'

    And I haven't said a thin'

    Keep the record playin'

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    Oh, oh, read my body language

    Take it down, down

     

    Slow down and dance with me, yeah, slow

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

    Come on and dance with me, yeah, slow

    (Slow down and dance with me)

    Skip a beat and move with my body, yeah, slow

     

    (Slow down and dance with me)

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Skip a beat and move with my body

    Slow

     

    Boom, Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room) (Paul Lekakis) -  Scoring Tyler

     

    Hey baby I'd like to talk to you 

    How about coming back to my room for a little boom boom

     

    You keep coming to me 

    I can dig your dynamite 

    Know the way you move 

    Get in the groove 

    You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

     

    Second time you moved me 

    It's time for us to Boom Boom 

    You can come right close to me 

    And feel the burning fire 

     

    All the time you got me 

    It's fine for us to boom boom 

    If you see the spark in me 

    And feel my strong desire

     

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

     

    Do the honor to me 

    Don't you know I like to bite 

    Get to the view 

    Closer to you 

     

    You're driving me crazy, crazy for you

    Second time you moved me 

    It's time for us to Boom Boom 

    You can come right close to me 

     

    And feel the burning fire 

    All the time you got me 

    It's fine for us to boom boom 

    If you see the spark in me 

    And feel my strong desire

     

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

    Boom Boom Boom 

    Let's go back to my room 

    So we can do it all night 

    And you can make me feel right

     

    No ‘I’ In Threesome (Interpol) - Matt + Sam + Tyler = Mamler

     

    Through the storms and the lie

    Baby, you stood by my side

    And life is wine

    But there are days in this life

    When you see the teeth marks of time

     

    Two lovers divide

    Sound meets sound, babe

    Her echoes, they surround

    And all that we need is one thing

    Now what is there to allow?

     

    Babe, it's time we gave something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free

    And, baby, tonight

    I see your lips are on fire

     

    And life is wine

    Now the windows are open, the moon is so bright

    There's no one who can tell us

    What love brings for you and I

    Sound meets sound, babe

    The echoes, they surround

     

    And all that we need is one thing

    Now what is there to allow?

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free tonight

    Through the storms and the lie

    Baby, you stood by my side

     

    And life is wine

    You feel the sweet breath of time

    It's whispering its truth, not mine

    There's no "I" in threesome

    And I am all for it!

     

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, and feathers bend like trees in the moonlight

    Babe, it's time we give something new a try

    All alone we may fight, so just let us be free tonight

     

    Moments In Love (Art Of Noise) - Manage A Toir

     

            Moments In Love - Now!

     

    Behind The Mask (Yellow Magic Orchestra) - 

    Taking On ‘The Green Monster’ Game Boss

     

    [Verse 1]

    Now the mask you're wearing

    Is stoney and staring

    Lines and tears, age and fears

    Growing old, passions cold

     

    Now the mask you're wearing

    Is stoney and staring

    Lines and tears, age and fears

    Growing old, passions cold

     

    [Verse 2]

    There's nothing in your eyes

    That marks where you cried

    All is blank, all is blind

    Dead inside, the inner mind

     

    There's nothing in your eyes

    That marks where you cried

    All is blank, all is blind

    Dead inside, the inner mind

     

    [Outro]

    Is it me

    Is it you

    Behind this mask, I ask

     

    Goodbye (FM-84) - The Threesome Breaks Up

     

    As summer fades away 

    Lost in a cloudless haze 

    Just hold me and touch a wave 

    There’s no more we need to say 

     

    Yet I don’t want to say goodbye 

    And I don’t want to see you cry 

     

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now I love you 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    It’s not over 

     

    We’re caught in a moment 

    Lost in a summer breeze 

    Moving in circles 

    As light flickers on the sea 

     

    Now I don’t want to say goodbye 

    And I don’t want to see you cry 

     

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now I love you 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    It’s not over 

    And now it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Ohh na na ohh 

    I know it’s too late to say goodbye 

    Now we’re forever

     

    Innocence (Electric Youth) - Suddenly Becoming Too Old For Games

     

    You catch a shooting star

    You tell me make a wish

    Your word is all I know

    But if the plane is moving fast

    Please secure your mask

    Before you put mine on

     

    And now the rain is falling 

    The truth is bittersweet

    A different voice is calling

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

     

    Now you ask me what to say

    It used to be your way

    Was the only way I'd known

    But when the table starts to turn

    The teacher starts to learn

    The child starts to grow

     

    And now the rain is falling

    The truth is bittersweet

    A different voice is calling

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    Where have you gone sweet innocence?

    I Wonder

     

    Send Me An Angel (Groovecatcher Cover Of Real Life) - Tyler Meets Ariel

     

    Reprise from ‘new kid in school’

     

    Young & Unafraid - Robert DeLong Mix (The Moth & The Flame) - 

    The Courage True Love Brings

     

    Reprise from ‘Kiss Of An Angel’

     

    21st Century Digital Boy (Bad Religion) - Matt Gets His Game Back On

     

    I can't believe it

    The way you look sometimes

    Like a trampled flag on a city street

    Oh yeah

     

    And I don't want it

    The things you're offering me

    Symbolized barcode, quick I.D

    Oh yeah

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to live but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

    I can't explain it

    The things you're're saying to me

    It's going yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    Oh yeah

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to read but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual, oh

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

    Tried to tell you about no control

    But now I really don't know

    And then you told me how bad you had to suffer

    Is that really all you have to offer?

     

    'Cause I'm a twenty-first century digital boy

    I don't know how to live but I got a lot of toys

    My daddy's a lazy middle-class intellectual

    My mommy's on Valium, so ineffectual, yeah

    cats, sports, iron claw

     

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) neurosurgeon screams for more

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) innocents raped with napalm fire

    (Twenty-first century digital boy) everything I want, I really need

    Ain't life a mystery, yeah?

     

     

    Why Did I Say Goodbye (Tommy ‘86) - Sam Comes Back To Play

     

    My telephone is playing dead

    I'm hearing voices in my head

     

    I'm going through the words I said

    They replay

     

    I sit on benches in the park

     

    I'm lighting candles in the dark

    I came alone cuz you're too far

    gone away

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    I have a void I try to fill

    I was your soulmate although still

    I didn't realize until It was over

    I wish I could slip back in time

    When we were one and all was fine

    But it's too late to make us chime

     

    Love is over

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

    Why did I let go?

    I did something wrong and I'm

    wondering why

    Why did I let go

    Why did I say goodbye?

     

    Look Into My Eyes (Arcade High) - Sam Meets Matt Again For The First Time

     

    Tenderer Electronic Tenderness

     

    Put Your Money On Me (Arcade Fire) - Matt Learns To Bet And Win

     

    Put your money on me

    'Cause I can barely breathe

    Put your money on me

    Put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

     

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    If there was a race

    A race for your heart

    It started before you were born

    Above the chloroform sky

    Clouds made of Ambien

    Sitting on carpets in the basement of heaven

     

    We were born innocent, but it lies today

    And baby you can give all the money away

    But if there's a race, a race for your heart

    It's over, before it starts

    Singing put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

     

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    All my presents are broken, before they're open

    And the promises, the second they're spoken

    I know I've been different

    My skin keeps shedding

     

    My mother was crying on the day of our wedding

    Trumpets of angels call for my head

    But I fight through the ether and I quit when I'm dead

    If you want to know who'll be there in the end

    When you bury me baby, I'll still be your friend

    Singing put your money on me

     

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me

    Go tuck me into bed, and wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free

     

    But I'm never gonna let it go

    Singing put your money on all your money on me

    I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on me) I know it's not easy

    The Silicon Valleys melted back into silicon

    We'll find a way to survive

     

    Singing put your money on me

    If you think I'm losing you, you must be crazy

    All your money on me (All your money on me)

    I'm never gonna let you go, even when it's easy

    Put your money on me (Put your money on me)

    Go tuck me into bed, then wake me when I'm dead

    I know that you gotta be free (I know that you gotta be free)

    But I'm never gonna let it go

     

    Singing put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on me) I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me (put your money on)

    I know it's not easy

     

    Put your money on all your money on me

    (Put your money on) I know it's not the last time

    Put your money on all your money on me

    I know it's not easy

     

    The Comeback Kid (The Midnight) - Matt Comes Back

     

    i been so low 

    felt the wind blow 

    like i was a screen door 

    in a thunderstorm 

     

    yeah i've been down 

    i've been laid out 

    but you always were 

    what I came here for 

     

    waiting all day 

    waiting all day 

    just for my say 

    for a bell to ring 

    for the first sting 

     

    Yeah I been blue 

    that ain’t nothing new 

    it’s you my friend 

    you’re why I get up again 

     

    I’ve make mistakes 

    I’ve been hard hit 

    I say so what 

    so what if I did 

    I’m the clear eyed 

    I’m the 

    comeback kid 

    start it over 

    start it over again 

    I'm the clear eyed 

    I'm the comeback kid 

     

    it’s been a rough year 

    been some tough tears 

    I’ve lost so fast 

    all that I had 

     

    but when it’s time to 

    i will fight for you 

    cause you know you are 

    why i’ve come so far 

     

    I’ve make mistakes 

    I’ve been hard hit 

    I say so what 

    so what if I did 

    I’m the clear eyed 

    I’m the 

    comeback kid 

    start it over 

    start it over again 

    I'm the clear eyed 

    I'm the comeback kid

     

    Running To You (Arcade High) - Sam and Matt, Playmates Forever

     

    You’re still the one

    I Run To

    You’re still the *One*!

    (X)

     

     Arcade Summer (FM-84 & MrM) - 

    ‘The Sun Still Shines Bright On Our Arcade Summer’

     

    Do you remember

    When we were young

    A certain shopping center

    Where we could have so such fun . . .

     

    In our 

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    And the cruel school year was so far away

    And all our best friends would come down to play

    And the Arcade was open every day

    And the Summer of love was here to stay in our

     

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    You were standing

    Right beside me

    While I was playing

    Then I was falling

     

    And I thought that

    It was passed time

    That we ought to

    Get in some Funtime

     

    And We were so alive there

    And We were so in love there

    And Life was so simple there

    And Our love was perfect there

     

    And so I kissed you hard then

    And so you smiled at me then

    And so you kissed me hard then

    And so I smiled at you then

     

    In our 

    Arcade Summer!

    In an 

    Arcade Summer!

    In our

    Arcade Summer!

    In an

    Arcade Summer!

     

    We were alive there (In our Arcade Summer)

    We were in love there (In our Arcade Summer)

    Life was so simple there (In an Arcade Summer)

    Love was so perfect there (In an Arcade Summer)

     

    We were ALIVE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

    We were in LOVE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

    Life was so SIMPLE there (In an Arcade Summer)!

    Love was so PERFECT there (In an Arcade Summer)!

    Love was so very PURE there (In our Arcade Summer)!

     

    The sun still shines bright on

    Our Arcade Summer . . .

     
  9. This chapter is really hard to write for Book 2 of 0's and 1's, so I will share with readers its problem:

     

    I feel like I can't skip an important event, but if I write it, I am never going to hear the end of it.

     

    This will mark probably the darkest chapter I have ever written, maybe one of the darkest chapters on GA. I am making sure the guidelines are followed, nothing graphic or explicit, but the implication is more than enough with a dark imagination. And to top it all off, I have to make sure people know why it's needed for the future of the story and the future of the characters. This ain't gratuitous plot point, it's a revolutionary spark, a call to arms against an injustice that transcends LGBT fiction. It's something our society and many of us are guilty as indirect participants.

     

    I call this chapter by a nickname, "the Crucible".

     

    If this chapter gets completed, the rest of the story can follow, but it must be done right or nothing else after it will matter.

     

    Anyone who has any ideas, thoughts, or is just curious as to what I am doing, feel free to PM me.

  10. The Tampa Chronicles series is a set of stories that are set in my hometown of Tampa, FL. Each story is built features a cast of characters that show family, love, and values.

     

    In the first book, A New Life and a New Home I introduce to you the small mother/son family of Jill and Chandon Bolton, and Chandon's boyfriend Brayon Hopper. In this story, Brayon is disowned by his parents, when he comes out as gay to them. It is the binding of the new family unit, that completes this short one chapter story. Interesting note: Chandon, Brayon, and Jill are all based on real-life friends from high school. I still talk to them occasionally.

     

    In book two, My Son you learn of the lives of Adam Smith and his estranged son, Robert Turner. Adam is a successful businessman in his own right, and after selling off several patents in medical devices, he moves back to Tampa. While setting up his new life, as a 38-year-old retiree, he gets a call from the Florida Department of Children and Families. The story follows the process of Adam meeting his son for the first time, and trials and tribulations they go through. You also meet Adam's longtime friend Duncan Isen, who admits he's Bisexual and has been in love with Adam since they were teens. Their budding relationship is secondary to the main story, much like Rob's relationship with Giles O'Sullivan.

     

    Book three, A Few Days in the Life of Jeremy Isen introduces a new character to the story. Jeremy is a freshman high school student who is an active practitioner in martial arts and photo-journalist. He's the son of Duncan's older brother Ian and his wife Debbie. The story follows shortly over events that happen during the last month of the school year, and the start of summer vacation. 

     

    After the introduction of Jeremy to the story, the currently untitled fourth book will center around the core group of Adam, Duncan, Rob, Jeremy, Giles, Brayon, Chandon, and Jill. It will show their lives, and how they connect together. It will also include a look of my hometown of Tampa, FL through their eyes. The stories are told in a Deep-PoV style and will head-hop as necessary in order to give you the perspective of each of the characters, as they interact with each other.

  11. Wow, with summer here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are definitely seeing a drop in people online.   Even I'm getting more sun. 

     

    I'm going to cut back on the number of blogs I'm doing for now and pick up again in the fall.  It'll give me more time to do these silly summer homeowner things I'm suddenly stuck with. lol.

     

     

     

  12. Foster

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    Toast
    Latest Entry

    empty frame

    decoration

    beauty

    at the edge

    in the beginning

    at the end

    beauty

     

    but

    nothing

    except

    foolish 

    filler 

    mars 

    the captured soul 

     

    doubt

    refusal

    the sad silence

    the only gesture

    left

     

     

     

    1.7.19 Monday

  13. Hudson Bartholomew
    Latest Entry

    I mentioned in my last blog post (which was back in December, omg!) that I have a couple of books being published this year! The first one came out on Monday!! It's called Inside Darkness and it's about a humanitarian aid worker struggling with PTSD and an Asian American journalist who encounters systemic racism. It's dark and gritty and angsty; the sex is fast but the emotions are slow burn (I stole that last part from a reviewer, hehe). 

     

    It's hard to believe that I am officially a Published Author (TM). There was no party, no cake, no one handing me a big cheque. Just some nice people sending me congratulations messages on social media and a friend took me out to lunch. From the outside, being an author looks so glamorous, but at the end of the day it's a job just like any other: finish one project and move on to the next! Still, I'm super proud of myself for having chased after this dream and having accomplished it. I have another book coming out in July and a couple where I'm waiting to hear from the publisher, and still more waiting to be written on my laptop. 

     

    Big thank you to everyone here who read my early stories and gave me such encouragement to keep going! I couldn't have done it without you!

     

    If you would like more information about my book, you can find it on my website: http://www.hudsonlin.com/book/inside-darkness/

  14. So, tomorrow is officially moving day. The U-Haul is parked in the driveway waiting to be loaded. Everything in the house, with the exception of my room, is packed in boxes. For some reason, I can't bring myself to pack my room. We're moving from the Dallas area to a small East Texas town called Rusk. It's about 3 hours away. I know absolutely nobody down there, with the exception of my 2 cousins and their wives. They are all very umm, let me try to explain. My cousin Justin, the younger of the two, broke his femur years ago when he was bucked off the bull he was attempting to ride. His wife, Rachel, teaches Ag (agriculture) for high school. My other cousin, Clay and his wife Melissa, along with his two step-kids, his adopted son, and their son together, whose name is Rodey Owen (pronounced road-e, go ahead and say it out loud) are going to my new neighbors. They always make me feel like the odd man out. They'll talk to me if I insert myself into their conversations, but they won't go out of their way to speak to me. Now, I'm practically related to about half the town we're moving to, but they're all my mom's cousin's kids and I think I might have met them for all of 5 minutes 35 years ago. The closest Walmart to where I'll be living is 15 miles away, and it's not even a Walmart Supercenter. For the next 6 months or so, we'll be living with my grandmother in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house, while our house is being built. Right next door. For major shopping, we'll have to drive about 40 miles to Tyler, where there's a mall. This isn't going to be fun. It's going to be hell. I'm a 41 year-old gay man moving to an area of Texas that isn't well known for its acceptance. I did actually tell my cousins I was gay. But, that was 22 years ago and we've not talked about it since. I'm not even sure their wives know for sure or not. I"m freaking out here I think. HELP!!!!

  15. Ashi
    Latest Entry

    What is on your mind when you think of the word "great?" 

     

    Which story do you consider a classic?

     

    Who is your most admired person?

     

    Where do you go to get inspired?

     

    When does a moment become experience?

     

    How do you advance a civilization into the golden age?

     

     *   *   *

     

    This world is endowed with many great things.  Some are eminent, some are waiting to be discovered; some will become a memory, some will never extinct despite of deliberate neglect and distortion.  They all deserve to be cherished and preserved.

     

     *   *   *

     

    Can you put a price on...

     

    ...freedom?

     

    ...the feeling of falling in love for the first time?

     

    ...safety and feeling alive?

     

    ...respect and compassion?

     

    We have an unprecedented number of homelessness.  Everyday I ride on a train, I can see encampments so great, that some portable toilets are placed around them, which I assume is to maintain public health for all the surrounding community.  On another day, I went to a flea market.  Being educated in healthcare for a couple of years, I cannot help but think we might have an outbreak of weird diseases due to the near proximity of homeless camps and squirrel population.  (Please do not feed wild animals as some bacteria unique to them will crossbreed with bacteria unique to human, and these hybrid bacteria will infect both species....  We may or may not have the capability to control the mutated bacteria)

     

    All we hear on the news nowadays are bunch of big babies attacking each other over some petty issues, ignoring human conditions.

     

     *   *   *

     

    Why nobody ever tries to find out why more mass shootings happening nowadays?  It always turns into a political drama rather than addressing the most fundamental issue.  This is people's lives we're talking about, not an opportunity to further one's political career.

     

    I still remember the days when school taught students pipe bombs (though I never learned), but nobody ever seriously contemplating using it to harm others.  Now no school teaches that chemistry and yet more people died from violence.  What happened?

     

    I still remember the days when people can freely go into airports and museums without needing to go through security gates.  Why is my personal freedom and happiness compromised because of a minor chance of threat.  The security measure is not even effective guarding against people who have no regard of the laws anyways.

     

    I still remember the days the Internet was used to increase people's IQ by exposing to differences rather than reinforcing one's limited perception.  It used to be an Utopia of tolerance, a haven of self-regulation, a pool of endless knowledge.   Why is it used to propagate greed and misinformation nowadays?

     

    Isn't the fact-based journalism the propeller of democracy?  Didn't Jefferson want to be remembered to be the Father of Virginity University because educated people are the core of democracy? 

     

    Doesn't George Washington's Farewell Address warn: "[Geographic politics] agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions"?

     

     *   *   *

     

    Today after work I went to buy some tapioca tea.  There was some misunderstanding between the cashier and the customer before me, so the order was not placed correctly.  The prior customer basically suggested he had the power to recommend more corporate customers only if the store would simply replace his new order for free.  The small shop owner with her limited English skill couldn't understand what daft-dressing guy was trying to suggest, so she offered 50 cents extra for the replaced drink, because cashier/server charged him only for the regular tea rather than milk tea, and served him according to the wrong order.  Given I worked in food industry before (among many odd jobs I had held), I knew it's a big loss for the shop because it's not a simple adding milk to the tea issue.  The store needs to throw away the original order due to health code, irregardless whether the drink was consumed or not.  The shop keeper insisted on quality didn't help either, but she eventually agreed to just add milk to the order for free instead of remake the whole order to satisfy the customer.

     

    I have seen many of such disputes before.  It is not limited to restaurant order, or language barrier issue.  Don't know whether it's because their perceived financial standing or their education level, people are getting less humble.  Most people don't realized outside of their career specialization, they actually know extremely little how the entire world functions.  In this case, the customer before me did not realize it is a health code that the shop cannot serve tampered food.

     

    Everything in life is simple; even the simplest thing is difficult.

     

    What that quote (which I thought was attributed to Nietzsche, but I can't find it) means to me is one has to be humble, and be respect of people of all trades.  Everyone is an expert of something, disregard of our social standing or the wage we're paid for our work.

     

    If this were the old California I knew back in the 90's, people would be more graceful and asked why 50 cents is charged, rather than immediately pull the consumer/corporate pressure card without actually asking a probing question.  Because that customer might have learned something about the food industry.  Instead, he sounded like a crude and tactless person dressed in sharp suit.  Our California value of tolerance and acceptance is dying everyday, and it's such a sad sight to see.

     

    I wished my brain could be faster, and paid the 50 cents extra for the agitated customer and everyone would be happy.  Though when the shopkeeper apologized to me profusely because she was busy making the replacement order for that customer (who was not even there when she finished the order because he just had to answer a phone...), I simply told her to take her time.  I know how little gesture like this means a lot when you're working very hard for very little money.  Besides, I was late for my train anyways, so time wasn't that important to me at that point, but it'll brighten up her day.

     

    I wish I have made the point clear enough.  Great, despite current events might have you believed, is not based on selfish interests.  We can actually make the world great again, no matter how small or insignificant the contribution might see at first.  Be gracious of others, be respectful of nature, and treasure every moment we share.  The world doesn't need to be shallow and petty.  There can be a lot of beauty and greatness if we tried.

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    Wesley8890
    Latest Entry

    I did something today. Something I've never thought i would ever do. I met my brother who i haven't seen in twenty years. Me and my little brother were adopted young. I have an older brother by four years but I hadn't seen him since elementary school. It wasn't his fault that his mother (my former mother or as I call her egg donor) was a lying manipulative witch. And I'm being nice there. She was also negligent. He's a good guy, he was crying. He remembered where I lived, and asked to see me, and I thought what have i got to lose? 

    it wasn't a tear jerking experience for me but he seemed genuine. But tell me am I took for believing he's not her?

  16. So, I would imagine that many members here wont remember who I am.  i've not been active for a while because... well, life gets in the way sometimes doesn't it?

     

    8 Years ago last week, I started a relationship right here on GA.  I met Paya right here, and our friendship blossomed into something more.  I was in the UK, he was in the Czech Republic. We had a long distance relationship for 2 years, before finally moving to London together 6 years ago.

     

    This is just a quick stop by to where it all began, to announce that yesterday - We got Married.  Yes, another GA wedding.

     

    We were lucky enough that our friends from GA, Bleu and Jian, were at our ceremony as guests - I told them they were our GA ambassadors for the day.

     

    Now... not to rush away, but a honeymoon awaits.

     

    All the best.

     

    West

  17. stephanie l danielson
    Latest Entry

    For those that don't follow me on a regular basis, I have been pushing myself to write despite a badly sprained wrist for the past 3+ weeks. I wear a splint day and night and have to have assistance with the craziest simple things like putting socks on or even picking up anything over 2 lbs.  I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel at 18 yrs old, but a night of overzealous knitting pushed it over the edge, and I'm still paying for it.  

    That said, I was able to finish a story in two months time :)  Now to edit. :(

    That's the fast.

    The slow part is the painful, horrible process of trying to find work. I live in a medium town, but not many opportunities over minimum wage.  I have two college degrees and loads of experience, but no one is willing to pay a decent salary. Or become a nurse. NO thank you. I get enough abuse as it is.  So, my only option is to cross the river...which means a 45-60 minute commute at least, daily. Not fun...but it's my only doable option until I either become the next JK Rowling....or start a side business.

    So...my life is slow at home, with my surviving cat (my girl died 6 weeks ago, and I am still coping with her sudden loss)...and husband.  

    Slow is not a bad thing, but unemployment will run out soon...so keep me in your prayers that someone will see I have worth again and not too old to work. :)

     

  18. Personal Blog

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    daemok
    Latest Entry

     

    Warning: Some spoilers for those who haven't read the story

    Accepted GA Story: 31 March 18

    Vigilant

    *In Progress*

    Sci-Fi Futuristic Gay Romance

    *

    Summary

    Ardant is an ex-Corps soldier faced with the harsh reality that everyone is moving on from the war against the Gahlamons except himself.

    Swept into a group seeking to protest the executive laws passed by the United Planets Association,

    Ardant struggles with personal issues and a shocking love interest.

    *

    Chapters

    ( ! -with beta reader )

    ( * -in queue to be posted )

    Arrival

    Meet Ardant, the veteran with a sunny disposition and witness the arrival of the Gahlamons!

    Stuck

    Urgent problems with your airship? 

    Natibo Station has a Hub for all your needs as you wait for further notice!

    Program

    The Enemy-to-Allies Program set up by the UPA offers all Natibo Community clients the opportunity

    to meet and mingle our new friends, the Gahlamons, with lower rates and new amenities!

    Come visit our Port and you'll fall in love the features, join us today! 

    Confront

    Not everyone will greet our newest guests to the community, 

    and we understand your concerns but please remain calm and civil!

    Spoiler

    Opportunity

    Here at Charter's Security we're upgrading everything to offer better services to our clients!

    Every employee under the division is fully trained and eager to help in any way,

    including the new recruits that have been accepted by the UPA!

    Characters

    (those presented so far)

     

    Harthens

    Ardant

    Main Character

    Human

    Charter Security

    likes: coffee

    dislikes: Gahlamons

    Sarklet

    Ardant's Sister

    Human

    Stay-at-home-Mom

    likes: gardening

    dislikes: ignored

    Xar

    Ardant's Nephew

    Human

    Child

    likes: toys

    dislikes: Ardant


    Wilanos

    Maza

    Ardant's Friend

    Human

    -

    likes: running

    dislikes: confusion

    Lakla

    Sarklet's Friend

    Human

    -

    likes: -

    dislikes: not being in control


    Volders

    Rhagler

    Ardant's Neighbor

    Human

    -

    likes: family

    dislikes: Gahlamons


    Su'klythops (Suyi)

    Dathar

    Ardant's Neighbor

    Gahlamon

    -

    likes: -

    dislikes: -

     

    This blog post is subject to change through regular updates!

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