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  • Myr

    Anthology Flashback Fall 2013 Part 3 of 4

    By Myr

    We are bringing back our Anthology Thursday features! Each month, we'll do a flashback to a previous Anthology.  During that month, we'll feature each of the stories from that theme. This month, we're jumping back to the Fall of 2013 and the theme of Pandora's Box. The third set of 5 stories:  
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  • Cia

    September Classic Author Excerpt: What Might Have Been by Luc

    By Cia

    Did you catch Monday's blog featuring Luc's novella What Might Have Been? There's a banner there if you want to download it and share it in your signature, maybe along with a link and promo to help fellow readers find the story? You never know what sort of gems the older stories are hiding! Clearly this emotional story fits in with the CSR story, Willpower, and that's what I chose to share this month because holding on to your memories and never knowing where life will take you and what choices
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  1. Gay Authors Articles

    Comicality
    Latest Entry

    By Comicality,

    Ok, so you all may remember an article that I did on exposition in your fiction a few months back...but I'd like to go a little bit more in depth when it comes to finding ways to create and finesse that exposition, how it works, and why it works.

    Basically, it's the art of writing without writing. It's the craft of being able to paint a vivid picture in the minds of your readers to deliver a message without having to write it out for them. There are certain techniques that you can use to accomplish this, but in order to truly understand how and why they work, you have to realize how you're doing exactly the same thing on a daily basis. Once you're able to realize that...the rest will come naturally.

    So, ladies and gentlemen...welcome to 'Exposition, Round Two!

    Take a moment, and think about the people who might cross your path every day when you leave the house. When you go to work, go to school, go out shopping, whatever. Think about how much real life exposition is being fed to you without a single one of these strangers saying a word. Maybe you see a guy who you think might be a car mechanic. Why? Is it because he walked up to you and said, "Hi, I am a car mechanic"? I would certainly hope not. If he does, ummm...cross the street. Hehehe! But think about it. Maybe he's wearing a wife beater t-shirt with some oil stains on it. Maybe his hands look as though they've been digging around an engine all morning. Maybe he's got an oily rag hanging out of his back pocket. There are things about his look, and his actions, and the materials he's carrying with him, that would give you that impression. That doesn't mean it's the RIGHT impression, as looks can be deceiving (He might be a high priced lawyer who likes to work on his Mustang on his off days s a hobby)...but these are things that are familiar enough to you to paint a picture. Your mind is doing this all day. Maybe you see someone with a cardboard sign saying he'll work for food, maybe there's a lady wearing a 500 dollar pair of sunglasses and a bright red dress walking with a briefcase and talking on her cell phone, or maybe you see someone with a red nose whose sniffling and constantly reaching into her coat pocket for another balled up wad of tissue. Think about all of the times you looked to see if someone was wearing a wedding ring, or the times you saw a soldier in uniform, or noticed a kid with a black eye. All of these visual clues are telling you a story about who these people are and what's going on with their lives at that particular moment...without having them say a word. It's describing these visual cues and actions in your writing that can help you get around a lot of exposition when you're feeling stuck and can't see another way out. Take in those details, and think about how you would describe this person, this situation, this environment, to someone else...and get them to draw the same conclusions that you did. It helps when you realize what you're looking for.

    Sometimes I have to babysit my younger cousins, and I'll walk into a room...and suddenly they sit straight up and look at me wide eyed without saying a word. Hehehe, it's immediately like, "Ok, you either saw something, broke something, or spilled something, so fess up!" The fact that they're being angelically quiet conveys a whole LOT of information in a very short amount of time. Now, does that mean that they actually did anything wrong? No. But I can safely assume that something is off about their behavior. It's behavior that's familiar enough that pretty much anybody walking into that room would come to the same conclusion.

    When you're writing, I feel that it's important to visualize every moment of every scene. What's going on? What's the tone? How do they look? What are they doing? You can add those details to your scene to deliver the same information that you want to deliver, but without having it come off as boring or awkward. I had an art teacher once who told me that when you draw a triangle on a piece of paper...the triangle doesn't exist. You draw three connecting lines, sure...but the triangle itself is an illusion. It's simply the empty space being brought out by the lines surrounding it. Exposition can be delivered the same way. By describing the surrounding factors with visuals and dialogue, you can avoid a lot of "Hi, I am a mechanic" moments in your story.

    As a writer, it's your duty to set the stage and sync it up with certain connections that your readers can recognize and follow. Let's say you have a character who's a drag queen, and performs at a nightclub on Saturday nights. Now you can start your story off with a long explanation of your character's backstory, and how they knew they liked drag, and when they started working in the club, and "Oh, by the way, my name is Harry." if you wanted to. There's nothing wrong with that. OR...you could start your story with your protagonist fitting a wig on his head and fixing his make up...there's a knock at the door. The boss walks in and says, "Let's go, Harry! The club is packed tonight, even for a Saturday! You're going on in two minutes!" Your readers now know that it's a man in drag, his name is Harry, he's a performer, and he works at a club on Saturdays. Takes, like...three sentences and a line of dialogue, tops. And it's a bit more engaging than having to read Harry's life story before getting to the actual focus of the scene. Instead of your audience reading a history lesson...you're bringing them into your world right away. Hopefully in a manner that will come off as interesting and intriguing.

    Now I, personally, write most of my stories in the first person. So I can deliver a great deal of exposition through the inner thoughts of my main characters and bring my readers along with me. However, when it comes to all of the other characters in my story, their thoughts, feelings, and motivations have to be relayed through observation. My protagonist doesn't get to be a mind reader (Except for that one story where the protagonist is a mind reader! Hehehe!), so I have to describe anger, attraction, heartbreak, shyness, from outside the source. And it would be easy in some parts to simply write down what needs to be said and be done with it. I won't say that I've never done it, and won't do it again, but I try to avoid taking the easy way out more often than not.

    Down below is the very first paragraph of a short story that I wrote called, "The Kissing Game". It was one of those little innocent/not-so-innocent Daydream Shorts that was just meant to capture one small moment in time. They're supposed to be quick and to the point, so there's not a whole lot of room for backstory and character development here. They have to feel real, and they have to be able to connect to readers right away. So exposition was given in a way that sets the stage, but a lot of the details are merely implied. Even if the readers don't realize how much and how little information was actually given.

    Quote

    Every time I asked my friend, Jared, why we were doing this, his answer was always, "Because…it's 'practice', Tommy. You know, for the real thing. We're going to high school this fall. That's, like…real school, you know? We don't want to go out there and get ourselves a couple of cute girlfriends, just to end up looking like we don't know what we're doing. Girls talk! Their gossip will ruin us forever."

    Now, what does this short paragraph actually tell you as a reader?

    1. The main character and the love interest are friends.
    2. The main character's name is Tommy, and the love interest's name is Jared.
    3. They are 'doing something' together for practice.
    4. They're going to high school for the first time in the Fall. That makes them about 13 to 14 years of age.
    5. Jared is obviously straight, and is looking to get a girlfriend and high school status. Also...he mentions getting 'ourselves' a couple of girlfriends...so chances are that he doesn't know his friend Tommy is gay.

    That set the stage, the audience is locked in, ready to go. Boom. Done.

    Now...what doesn't that first paragraph say? How long have they been friends? Did they grow up together? Did they meet two weeks ago? When did they start kissing each other? Does Jared live next door? Across the street? Across town? Is there a parent in the house at the moment? Did they lock the door? Is Jared really straight, or is it just an excuse to make out with his friend? Where are they? The city? The suburbs? Summer camp? The beach? The park? Is it Summer time? Spring break? A snow covered day in January? Who knows? None of that stuff is mentioned. Nor does it need to be. It's not important to the story in the least, so why even go into all of that?

    A good strategy for writing exposition is figuring out what is, and what isn't important. Exposition is the art of answering a question that wasn't asked. So if your readers don't need to know certain details about a scene or a character, and it isn't going to have any further impact on the story later on...cut it out. Trim it down, and let your readers fill that part in for themselves. I'm willing to bet that a majority of my readers saw those first few sentences and pictured two boys, long time best friends, in a bedroom when their parents weren't home, possibly over Summer break, close to going back to school, in the early afternoon. The thing is, if you read it again, I didn't give out any of that information in the first paragraph. This could be current, or it could be placed in the 80's, or the 90's, or a post apocalyptic world being rebuilt by society to get back to normal. Hehehe, but unless those extra details are directly needed for me to tell the story I'm trying to tell, there's no reason for that extra detail to be there.

    In the story, "A Class By Himself", the main character's mother works in a diner. She's a waitress. I displayed that by having her work long hours, standing on her feet, coming home exhausted, bringing food home in plastic cartons, falling asleep on the couch...and it's a part of her character. Not only that, but her character is an important part of the story as a whole. The fact that she's a waitress, barely makes enough money to make ends meet, and likes to cook, is also a big part of the story. So those details were given and occasionally reintroduced to the reader as needed.

    Now, compare this to the mother in "The Secret Life Of Billy Chase". She works for a living too, right? She's doing something to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table. So, after reading 450 chapters of the story...tell me...what, exactly, does Billy's mom do?

    Hehehe! Crazy, right? I don't even know what she does for a living! If I ever bothered to mention it, then I forgot. LOL! The point is, it's not important. It doesn't play into the rest of the story, so that bit of exposition isn't needed. Maybe she's a nurse, maybe she's a corporate defense lawyer, maybe she's a professional female WRESTLER! Hehehe, but it doesn't add anything to the other parts of the story, so it doesn't have to be said. Sometimes she's at home, sometimes she's not...and the reason is ‘work'. Done. The readers can fill in the rest on their own. And chances are, they don't care.

    If your main character works in an office….what kind of office? Doesn't matter. An office. In your reader's minds, they will probably think of cubicles and paperwork and copy machines and water coolers...and that's all they need to know. Does he work on payroll? Accounting? Does he balance budgets? Does he work customer service? Doesn't matter. He works in an office. Done. Now...if he happens to be an accountant, and he finds out that a great deal of funds are being used to hire contract killers in foreign countries...and that's what your STORY is about? Well, then you might need to be a bit more specific. But if it's just a passing detail to round out your character, then mention it vaguely and let it pass. At least that's how I would handle it.

    Now, one last thing before I wrap this up...

    To make things a bit more visual, this is a short horror film that I found on Youtube. It's a fun little flick to give you the creeps, but I want you to pay attention to what information is being delivered to you from the very first shot, and through the first two minutes or so of dialogue. Look at the surroundings, listen to what's being said, and see what is actually being told to you...and what isn't...but you sort of fill in the blanks regardless.

    Your readers are probably doing the same things when they read your work.

     

    So...watching that, what do you think was told do you? And what do you think you made up on your own? Spend some time to meditate on it if you like. :)

    The very first thing that you see on the screen is a cardboard box with the words 'Toby's Room' on it. Immediately, you can assume that this mother and son are moving into a brand new house. And he's probably not used to sleeping in a big room by himself, so he's a little scared by the idea. Also, he says that he misses his dad...to which his mom quietly says that she does too. Which would cause me to assume that there was a death or an accident of some sort. Either way, we've established that 'Dad' isn't around. A lot of information seems to be given to the audience right away, and you kind of go along with it. Because we know how movies work, and the exposition is being quickly given to us by showing us a situation that feels familiar.

    However, and I'll go into more detail about this on my 'Plot Twists' article later on...a lot of my assumptions about this short film are more illusion than direct information. And if you play around with that illusion a bit, you can really shock your readers by subverting their expectations. Playing mind games with what they thought they knew, as opposed to what you were really telling them. Hehehe!

    For example...is that little boy really 'Toby'? I saw a box with the name Toby on it, and I made an assumption...but if I wanted to throw a monkey wrench in the works, readers might find out that this boy isn't Toby at all, and 'Toby' is another little boy tied up in the basement somewhere, because this boy and his mother burst into their house and took over! LOL! He's never referred to as Toby once in the whole film. Not by name. But...in my head, that's what I was thinking. Imagine if it was all a nightmare, and the mother kisses the boy goodnight, saying, "Goodnight, Carl." And then goes down in the basement where you see a mother and her son, bound and gagged by the furnace. "Goodnight, 'Toby'." That would be cool! :P

    Did his father die? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he was shipped off to war. Maybe he got caught banging a leather clad bear from the 'Manhole' club! Maybe he got relocated to another dimension to work with Billy Chase's mom! Who knows? But...did I NEED to know? Nope! Not important. Not for this particular story. I was given just enough information to make the appropriate assumptions, and that's all that needed to be said.

    The director had eight minutes to make a movie. The dad's history? Not important. The reason they moved? Not important. Who is the Number Man? What's with the rhyme at the beginning? What's with the numbers on his chest? Is he supernatural? Is he a figment of the boy's imagination? Is he an escaped mental patient? Doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with the story this very short film had to tell. And anything that was left out? My mind filled it in anyway. So it's a win, in my opinion.

    So when it comes to exposition in your stories, try to find clever ways to deliver the information needed for your reader to get a sense of what's going on...but ONLY the information needed. Trim the fat, and have faith that your audience is doing a lot of the work with you. Their imagination is carrying half the load. You can avoid a lot of exposition when you practice with this idea, and spend your energy enhancing the details that do need to be given. In a future article, I'll get more into how you can use your readers' own assumptions against them to turn the whole story upside down! Hehehe!

    But, until then...as always, I hope this helps! And happy writing! :)

     

  2. Razor
    Latest Entry

    A surprising thing I've come to realize, which shouldn't be surprising, is that a lot of my anxiety and depression is not actually anxiety and depression.  I will not say I am not anxious or depressed.  Going outside of my house, talking to people, trying to interact in a normal way is a source of constant anxiety.  I've always had an uneasy feeling about other people when dealing with them face to face.  I don't like it.  It opens me to allowing another person to stare at me, judge me, form an opinion of me, and possibly reject me.  

    With that in mind, I've come to think that a lot of these emotions I feel that sometimes people pressure me to seek professional help for are not actually the emotions that are the real problem.  I constantly analyze everything around me as well as within me.  Following that train of thought leads me to believe that most of my problems in my emotional regulation of myself are not anxiety and depression.  They are anger and frustration.  

    I don't voice these things because it sounds like a pity party.  Why did this happen to me?  What did I do to hurt someone else so badly that I deserve what has happened to me, as if there is some cosmic being doling out punishment based on my deeds?  Why does he or she or they not listen to me, why don't they understand, why do I even have to try to make them understand?  Because they SHOULD understand.  Why is it that people tend to leave me or I tend to leave them?  

    As any person with half a brain would do, I think about this in terms of well, if you have a problem, learn from it.  Figure out the pattern, figure out the mistakes, figure out how to move forward knowing what to do better.  I get frustrated and angry a lot.  It can be anything, but it's usually related to my interpersonal relationships, and the way other people see me.  

    It shows up in strange ways.  The other day at work I was working overtime, which I was already annoyed about, because at the same time I had a million things on my mind.  Primarily that my kidneys might be failing because my legs and ankles decided to swell like crazy, and I was already consigning myself to death.  Turns out it was the medication I was taking, and it felt like someone dropped a bag of concrete onto my legs, ankles, and feet, and still feels that way (though most of the swelling is gone).  But that fear caused me to be frustrated, angry, annoyed.  I thought to myself that it is insane that I am sitting at a desk pretending this is a normal moment when I could be going through the last moments of my life due to organ failure and I will never go on dialysis again, ever, so it was the real death moment in my mind.  

    And I got PISSED.  I was so angry that my life is held hostage by me working and keeping my insurance and keeping up with things that seem insignificant in comparison to "remember the last time you almost died, remember how that happened, remember how you remembered everything one moment and then the next moment you woke up a month later and they had to give you a new organ?  Remember that shit?  REMEMBER IT?!  Why the fuck are you sitting here apologizing to crazy random stranger for something that was not your fault, when you might be dying?!"

    Frustration hits.  The voices in my head keep telling me "hospital, hospital, hospital, you're dying, right now, if you don't go now they'll tell you it was your own fault you're dying later, but the hospital is a horrible place so only go there if you really are dying.  Are you dying?  Fuck if I know."  Which makes me want to call out of work and just go because while I am so ready to just call it quits I'm not REALLY quite ready.  I haven't lost all hope of everything quite yet.  It's a strange place to be.  It's like a conversation with death saying kill me, but not yet.  Kill me now, but not really right now.  It hurts, but not enough I want to quit.  I want to quit, but I don't.  

    All the while, I have a customer taking me forty-five minutes past my overtime shift.  Why?  Because of something that was not my fault or the customer's fault.  It was an epic fuckup of doom I was dealing with that two managers didn't know how to fix and they brushed aside what was going on because they couldn't fix it, and being me I was like oh hell now, I'm pissed now, let's SOLVE THIS MOTHERFUCKER.  Which it did get solved.  Btw, for your comparison, usually I can get a customer on and off my phone in two to three minutes total.  But I was not about to let that go once I got my teeth in it, I was like NO, this is bullshit, I am dying here and you give me this, you give me THIS?!  

    And I realized, that anger and frustration are bad, bad things that have no place in the world, just like shame and guilt.  I was more incensed because of the synergestic effect there.  I was pissed, my customer was pissed, and together we turned into one pissed off frustrated freight train that was going to solve this goddamn problem.  I started being snappish at no one, because in my line of work you can't snap.  You have to be calm, collected, cool, reasonable, reassuring.  But he heard the cracks in my facade easy.

    You ever started working on something for someone and got so pissed off about the roadblocks that they start losing their anger because yours overshadows theirs?  That's what happened.  I was ready to fight.  I was completely prepared to snip someone down to half their height if they dared cut off my path to a fix for this person, because I'll be damned if I stayed 45 minutes after work to lose.  Heads up, if your pissed off customer tells you to calm down, that should be an eye opener.  

    So I thought about why I reacted so strongly.  What made me get to that point of unyielding rage that I was going to make something happen no matter who stood in my way?  And as stupid as it fucking sounds, as inane and simple and absolutely unbelievable it came down to the AA saying HALT.  I was hungry, angry, lonely, and tired.  All at once.  And I didn't tell myself to try to find a way to make the situation more bearable, more tolerable, more normal.  I flew straight to crazy town.  

    Now, I have decided I will implement some things, and no matter what anyone else says or does, I will use these.  And if work or anyone else has a problem with that, then they can take it up with me by submitting it in writing and giving me about three weeks to respond so I don't say something snappy and mean.  

    Which brings me to the first thing.  Wait.  Just wait.  Don't say or do that.  Just wait.  And that wait can feel interminable, but it is worth it.  Count to ten, recite a poem in your head, take a deep breath, do a mundane task like counting backwards by sevens, and if you can take your focus off for a moment that lash out moment will pass.  It also gives you time to think about the second thing.

    Jokes.  Fucking jokes.  Just don't look at it like a life or death, don't look at it as a personal attack, don't look at it as THIS NEEDS DOING NOW AND WE HAVE TO BE SERIOUS.  No, we fucking don't.  Things can wait.  And things can definitely wait if there is even a small smile to be coaxed out of a situation.  The world needs more people smiling and laughing instead of yelling and screaming.  There is no point in going to war over a situation that can be laughed at.  Furthermore, humor inspires camaraderie with those you are trying to engage, so why not use it?  We can al act pissed off, but it takes effort to turn a situation on its head and laugh at it.  

    Third, abandon your high principles.  Nobody fucking cares.  Don't move contrary to your values, but don't stand on PRINCIPLE.  That is a fool's errand, and a great way to get knocked off your high horse.  Speak your truth calmly and quietly, and do not allow yourself to respond to attacks in kind.  Don't get mired down into an argument over what is right or wrong, but focus on what is BEST.  The path of least resistance is usually a good one, and if modified a tiny bit, can allow you to hold your values while passing through.  And by no means am I saying keep your head down and ignore injustice when it rears its head, but I am saying that you can pick your fights while making your opinion known in a productive manner.  

    Fourth, and this is the most difficult for me; be kind to yourself.  How can I expect everyone around me to respond to me with anything other than derision when that's all I hold for myself?  The same judgment I hold for myself when turned outward suddenly becomes so much more hospitable, caring, genuine, concerned.  It makes no sense that I rub my own nose in my mistakes when I'm so willing to forgive them in others.  

    Fifth, quit deleting what you want to say.  Quit doing that.  JUST STOP.  That leads to frustration and anger, Jamie, so say what the fuck you mean to say in a way that isn't totally offensive and gives other people at least a chance to like or dislike you.  Quit wanting to say something and stopping.  Quit typing a text and erasing it.  Quit doing things up until the moment you could be rejected.  Believe people are also people just like you, that they feel the way you do, that they want the things you do.  Okay that last one is more about the anxiety, but still, as I said, it leads to the frustration and anger. 

    Well, I've had enough of telling myself what to do by typing it out.  Things have been grim.  Finances are tight, I live alone now, I don't really know what my next move is.  Which is a source of frustration because usually in the past I've had a plan.  The plan usually involved a boy.  Well, at the moment, I don't feel equipped to deal with any relationships.  I want one.  Not gonna lie, these past months, three relationships totally destroyed (albeit for good reason), so it feels like nothing will ever be worth fighting for again.  Lemme clarify.

    I don't ever fight for myself.  I just don't.  I have a weird variant of social anxiety disorder that allows me to find a person I like and fight for them.  Ask me to go to the doctor by myself and I can find all sorts of reasons why I don't need to do that, why I can't do that, why I won't do that.  Give me another person who needs a doctor and I would carry them, despite my crippled ass, and I would make sure they were taken care of.  I need the motive, I need the all encompassing flaming passion that this person is important to me and I will do this thing I don't want to do because they need me to do it.  I've done it a million times before.  In fact, I think I might have an issue because I love doing that, I love seeing other people happy as a result of my actions.  It is what makes life worth living to me.

    And before you get all weird and say "Jamie, that's the wrong reason to live for!"  Yeah I know, but, sometimes life makes us the way we are and all we can do is work with what we're given.  I like to think of myself as someone who augments.  Put me with the right person and I will raise them up into whatever heights they seek, and I will make sure they fly high, straight, and true.  Just ask my ex, he's waaaaay better than when I met him, and I still worry about him even though we may not be talking lately and that might be my fault or it might be his fault (it's his fault, just in case you were wondering, and I hope that the bastard he's with dies in a horrible fiery car crash of doom because that fucker was mean to me but hahahahahahaha just joking cause humor is supposed to be an antidote to anger).  That's enough purpose for me right now.  I don't need to be great.  I just need to find people who can benefit from me and I from them.  Sometimes I feel as if that means I'm broken.

    Yes, me feeling like I need other people makes me feel like I am broken.  The great secret of my generation is that everyone needs other people, but we just pretend like we don't.  I don't have to be at the forefront, I don't like the attention or acclaim of many.  I think of all the interactions I've had and I come to this conclusion.  I don't need to be great.

    I just want to be kept.  

  3. I've been reading translated poems of Rilke lately, who is recognized as one of the most lyrically intense German-language poets. In the early 1900s, Rilke wrote letters to a young German military cadet who sought his guidance on his own poetry. These letters were poetry in their own right, dynamic and inspiring. The following is an excerpt from one such letter, which galvanizes the creative process, not exclusive to poetry or writing in my opinion, but for all forms of artistic self-expression: 
     
    “Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.

    This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose...

    ...Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty - describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds – wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. - And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it.”
     
    ― Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet
  4. Renee Stevens
    Latest Entry

    Wow, how the time flies. It's hard to believe that Baby J is just under 2 months shy of celebrating his first birthday! He is so active and is crawling, pulling himself up, and walking along the couch (or anywhere else as long as he has something or someone to hold onto!) We have baby gates all over the house, and so far they seem to be keeping the little guy mostly contained. And we now adapt whatever we're having for meals so that the little man can eat it too, with his 4 little teeth! Being a new mom is more than I ever expected, and so worth it. Especially when he gives me his big grin, or like the other night when I wasn't feeling good and Baby J just snuggled with me. Or he says mama or dada (the very occasional mommy and daddy). Of course, he has his grumpy boy moments, but they're usually only when he's tired or not feeling well. Luckily major meltdowns are few and far between.

    He's even been on his first major roadtrip. 17 Hour drive (one way) to meet his uncle, aunt, and cousins (we broke it up into 3 shorter days rather than 2 long ones to make it easier on him). Of course, everyone loved him, but Baby J really took to my brother. If my brother was home, Baby J was on his lap, or otherwise in the very near vicinity. 

    As you can probably tell, life has been busy. We're lucky that Baby J hasnt really been sick much, primarily only having the flu at one point and a short lasting stomach bug another one. I've been sick a little more, but D has been great about helping out around the house, especially when I'm not at my best. We may have finally got a few answers to everything that has been going on with me. Vitamin D deficiency counts for a lot of my issues, and most of what isnt caused by that are most likely caused by a stomach/esophagus sphincter hernia. Which basically means that the above named sphincter, that connects the esophogus and stomach, is loose and allows for reocurring reflux. Not great news, but it's mostly controllable with diet and reflux meds (though I'm not on a daily med for it at this point). Surgery isnt suggested to fix the issue unless it gets much worse than it is, as it would require a major surgery.

    So that's what's been going on here. Not much writing going on, as I simply cant seem to find the time and or ambition, but hopefully that will return in time. There have definitely been some ups and downs, but overall I cant complain too much. Hopefully I'll be able to return to GA on a more full time basis in the near future (is that a little optimistic considering Baby J is nearly a toddler?) But I have a great team to help with my GA duties, and I owe a huge thank you to all of them! Not going to name names, just in case I forget one, but Thank you, all of the help is greatly appreciated!

    Until next time!

    Cheers

    Renee

  5. AC Benus
    Latest Entry

    Tanka:

    May rain falls upon

    Roses already in bloom –

    When Nature dictates

    Gilding Iilies, all is fair

    For hearts then at war with love.

     

    May rose.jpg

  6. Before I really get into the reason I started writing down these random letters to form words that structure the following incoherent sentences that you are about to read, I want everyone to understand why I decided to write this in my Blog instead of responding in the forum thread where I first started ruminating on this topic. I am writing it here mainly because I think I’m going to offend a few people that read this and more than likely piss off the rest.

    A few months ago, I came across a topic in the Lounge that got the wheels in my tiny little brain a whirling. So much did my head spin around and around, that even all this time later, I’m still thinking about the topic.

    I really don’t remember who started the Topic all those months ago, and it’s really not important as it doesn’t really have anything to do with who started the topic but what path that topic got me traveling on.

    To the best of my ability, the topic was “Do You Identify as Gay?”. It also included a poll of three choices…I identify as part of the gay community, I identify as someone who has sex with the same gender, I identify as something else (please explain). Or something along those lines anyway.

    When I first read this topic, the results were as following…
    72.41% or twenty-one posters identify as part of the gay community
    13.79% or four posters identifying as someone who has sex with the same gender
    13.79% or four posters identifying as something else

    And for full disclosure, I identify as something else. This something else with the tagline, ( please explain), is the reason I am writing this today and the reason I have done more research about this topic in the last few months than I have in the last twenty years.

    I have never spoken to the person who started the topic, nor am I judging that person or anyone that participated in this particular thread. I believe there is something deeper here in regards to my own journey then the author or other posters intended.

    And let me preface this by saying, I am not attacking, judging, or refuting anyone that shared their own experiences in this topic. Nor am I discounting their beliefs or personal truths. I am only referencing them as it led me to a better understanding of my own self.

    Upon first reading this topic, I believe I understand what the motivation the author had when they created the poll and the questions they proposed. And without putting words in anyone’s mouth, I believe the intention was to see how the other members of GA viewed themselves in a larger, cultural way. And on the surface, I think it was a harmless question without malice.

    The post started off something like, “I’m curious to know how many people on here identify as part of the gay community versus how many just identify as having same sex attractions without feeling a part of the larger, cultural gay community”.

    I first read this question more of, ‘hey, tell me how you feel about your place or lack thereof in the gay community at large’. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with the question that was put forth. I felt, and still do after all this time; it was more a curiosity to see into the lives of other individuals and to understand how they might see themselves in a grander scheme of life as it pertains to the “gay community”.

    And after reading all the response, a particular comment stuck out from one user. And again, I might be paraphrasing, but the poster said something like, “I have come back to this post several times because it rather irks me. I am gay. However, I am not a member of gay clubs, sports, or other so-called gay organizations. The feeling I get reading this, is that unless I “join up”, me and the others like me, are really not gay”.

    This comment intrigued me, so much so that I started doing some research into the poster. And no, I wasn’t stalking that user, but I did find out while I was stalking him that he identifies as a Dom in a BDSM relationship.

    The user clearly stated that he did not feel part of the gay community because he refused to ‘sign up’. And a few posts later he added, “My lifestyle is even smaller. Mainly found in small clubs, and yes online. But even thought we have BDSM clubs, I am not a member. Though my husband and I live that way. Does that make me less a Dom? No, Not at all”.

    Please understand that I know absolutely nothing about this user except what I have read in that particular topic and I am not refuting what he feels. I know nothing about BDSM except surface facts nor do I care to learn about this…lifestyle for lack of a better term. I do know that it’s not for me even though I understand that the participants feel a need to experience their life in this way and that there is a strong bond of love and trust in regards to their relationships. I feel everyone is entitled to love however they find it. And this post is not about BDSM but rather about the feeling this poster voiced about community.

    Webster’s define community as: a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.  It goes on with a second definition: a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.  A few of the synonyms listed: group, body, clique, faction.

    When the user identified as gay but didn’t really have a connection to what most would call the gay community, preferring to just live their lives as they see fit and damn anyone that doesn’t agree with them. This statement got my little head spinning around. While this is an admirable trait, and one that I wholeheartedly agree with, it made me curious why he didn’t feel a connection to the greater gay community.

    I don’t know this user and didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask certain questions regarding BDSM and why this user didn’t feel a part of the community, so instead I went online and started doing research about the subject to see if I could get a better understanding of why he might have answered like he did and more importantly, why the question seemed to irritate him.

    And in my limited research about the subject, I found that most in a BDSM relationship identify first as a Dom or a Sub, then secondly as gay if they mention it at all. My understanding, BDSM is more important to how they live their truth than a label about sexuality. This seemed to be a logical reason why this user didn’t connect with the gay community.

    And yet it got me thinking why I don’t connect with the gay community though I live in San Francisco, seemingly the Mecca of gaydom for the United States and maybe for the rest of the world.

    I don’t have a lot of gay friends. And being gay does not now nor has ever really defined who I am as a human being. In my youth, I went to the clubs on the prowl for sex. I used more boys as dumpsters and playthings than ever made any real connections with the shallow people I met in those spaces. But that was a small part of biology, I was horny and wanted to find a release into the next willing receptacle but that wasn’t who I was or what I thought I should be. My community has always been those like minded individuals that share my same love of movies, video games, books, and historical places. At times, other gay people have fit that mold, but often as much, my friends are made up of all races, orientation, and gender.

    I have found in my travels, the “gay community at large” are shallow, promiscuous, addicts, that are too self absorbed to be good friends much less good human beings. And yes, before you get all angry, there are always exceptions. But go to any club on a Saturday night, and you’ll see rampant alcohol and drug abuse in the gay community, unsafe sex practices, and old men trying desperately to hang on to their youth by any means necessary.

    And if it seems like I’m judging them, maybe I am. But I don’t want to be associated with those types of humans. And it’s true, go to any straight club and you will see the same exact behavior which I think only proves that I don’t identify with them either.

    To get back to the user who identifies as BDSM, he would also say, ‘my lifestyle is even smaller’. He’s proud to say that he doesn’t belong to any BDSM clubs. He simply chooses to live out his best life with seemingly little regard for what others might think. This is a behavior I can support.

    Webster’s define lifestyle as: the way in which a person or group lives.

    The user is living his best life with someone who loves and respects him and for all purposes; he is living the lifestyle of a gay man. The user also used the phrase, ‘join up’. And this made me think about the grander implications of that statement.

    I feel that too many of our brothers and sisters are made to feel left out based on some of the marginal stigma surrounding certain lifestyles, especially if it’s on the fringe of the larger gay community. If the user, who identifies as a Dom, cannot feel like he’s a part of the gay community because he refuses to ‘join up’, then what does that say about this gay community? Is it because as humans, we tend to judge those that are different than us? If that’s the case, then we are no better than the homophobe that judges us because they do not understand us?

    To counter that point, the user that started the post topic and put forth the poll answers to begin with, stated, ‘For example, I personally identify as gay and very much feel a part of the larger gay community. Most of my friends are gay, I go to a mostly-gay gym, I play in a gay sports league, I go to gay bars/clubs/circuit parties, and whenever I travel I make it a point to check out the local gay scene. What I love about being gay in the cultural sense is that no matter where you go, you already have an established tribe/community that you can find support in through shared identity. I've found in my post-college years is that we are a community that tends to protect our own, and we've created our own institutions separate from the straight world to fulfill that purpose. It's ghettoization to an extent, but after living in the stuffy confines of straight life for so long, I've found that this much smaller community offers freedom to a level and in a particular way that people who aren't a part of it will never get to experience’.

    I think I could argue what the poster was referring to is not so much the ‘gay community’ but more of the gay lifestyle. Or what that perception of that lifestyle is from someone on the outside looking in. I do believe there is a certain perception of what most would call the gay community, and for a good portion of us, we would never identify ourselves in that manner.

    Urban Dictionary defines gay lifestyle as: a stereotype used by social/political conservatives to describe gay men being promiscuous, drinking, bar hopping, using drugs, cross-dressing, and orgies.

    Okay, I’ll be honest, the bit about cross-dressing made me laugh so hard I almost choked to death when I read it. But can you honestly say, you have never thought the same exact thing at least privately in your own brain. To most, the gay lifestyle doesn’t describe us much less define us. I have often lamented that who I choose to sleep with is such a small part of what makes me…me…that I rarely talk about it. I don’t go to Pride, I don’t participate in circuit parties, I don’t have orgies, nor do I have random encounters using phone Apps. That is not my lifestyle, nor has it really been.

    So why am I writing this? It’s not to bash the author of this topic, nor the user that doesn’t identify as a member of the gay community. The reason I wrote this and the reason I have been thinking about this topic for months, is because I was looking at this through the wrong lens.

    There was a time when gay individuals needed to bond together, first for safety, and then for support from a world that didn’t really accept us. And yes, having that support system truly saved who knows how many lives over the last decades. How many young people who didn’t commit suicide because they found a place that was safe for them to live their truth and find happiness within those communities? How many of the younger generation can go to proms with their same sex partner now all over the country? How many states have legalized same sex marriage? So much has changed for the gay community just in the last ten years that I never thought I would see in my lifetime. And thankfully, it has changed.

    Yet I truly believe one of the worst things we can do as a community is retreat into our gay clubs, gay bars, gay sports leagues, and leave the rest of the world behind. We didn’t affect change by hiding in the shadows. We changed the country because we got out in the light and demanded that we needed to be treated first as humans, with the same rights as all other humans, then by allowing straight people who didn’t know any better that we have the same goals, values, and desires that all humans possess. Who we sleep with is irrelevant in the grand scheme of life.

    My community, as defined by Webster, has always been made up of a fellowship of likeminded individuals that share my same attitude, goals, and life values. That is my community, and like most communities across the country, it’s not a gay community, it’s not a straight community, it’s a mix of beautiful humans that all strive to achieve a better life for those they love, and for those as yet unborn.

    I have seen a lot of ‘gay communities’ that do not share my same values and goals. And I will not be a part of them just because they also happen to sleep with other men. That would be like saying, I will only vote for this particular person because they also have the genetic coding that made their eyes blue like mine. Eye color and genital preference is so far down on my list of priorities in those I choose to surround myself with its practically nonexistent.

    If you find a gay community that shares your same attitudes, goals, and values, than great, you might have found the ideal life. But don’t get so hung up on only participating in ‘gay communities’ just because there are gay people there. Instead, create your own communities by including all people that share your values, embrace those that can bring something positive in your life and exclude all those, even the gay ones that would drag you down.

    Gay or straight, all communities are made up of humans first, and most of us are a wonderful, kind, generous, honest, loving, and accepting group that can do extraordinary things when we share a common purpose.

    I know that my thoughts might not be for everyone who reads them. And that’s okay. We are all on different places in our walk of life. I do know that over the last few months my perception of community changed and I believe I am a better person for it. So I thank whoever started this topic, and those that contributed to the thread as they all helped me come to a better understanding of who I am as a human and where I want to go.

     

    J

  7. mad_artist
    Latest Entry

    i'd bleed for you

    if that's what it took

    to show my allegiance 

     

    even if you didn't demand it

    i'd still bleed for you

    to prove my obedience

     

     

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    1KiCB1y.jpg

     

     

    Musical Outline
    ~~~~~~~~~~

    1. Eros (Chris Spheeris) - Eros Pays A Visit
    2. Wasting Time (Day Wave) - Adorable Dithering
    3. Kokkino Garifalo (Nikos Ignatiadis) - A Love Letter From Greece
    4. Komorebi  - Seeing The Sun Through Leaves In A Whole New Way
    5. Kardia Spasmeni (Giannis Vorgias) - Is It Really For Real?
    6. Write My Name (CHPTRS) - Dimi’s Poetry - Main Love Theme
    7. The Beauty Of Your Virginity (Irene Papas, Vangelis) - Beautiful Shane 
    8. A Kiss In The Dark (The Jovian Channel) - You Only Need Touch
    9. Min Anisiheis (Giorgos Sabanis) - Never Worry
    10. Venus As A Boy (The Dietrichs) - What Dimi Is
    11. Without Words (Joseph of Mercury) - Being Left Without Words
    12. Write My Name (Alt Instrumental) (CHPTRS) - Love Theme Reprise

    ~~~~

    Eros (Chris Spheeris) - Eros Pays A Visit

    Guitar Instrumental Overture

     

    Wasting Time (Day Wave) - Adorable Dithering

    Come down

    I won't come back down

    I'm too burnt out

    Again

     

    And I know

    I've done this before

    I'll just fall out

    Again

     

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all way

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all away

    Follow in your footsteps

    I'll keep going on

    Again

     

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all way

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all away

    Come down

     

    I won't come back down

    I'm too burnt out

    Again

     

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all way

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all away

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all way

    I'm wasting all my time

    I push it all away

     

    Kokkino Garifalo (Nikos Ignatiadis) - A Love Letter From Greece

    Translated ‘Red Carnation’ - An Instrumental of a classic Greek love song

     

    Komorebi  - Seeing The Sun Through Leaves In A Whole New Way

    An instrumental for seeing Komorebi, an untranslatable Japanese word for how sunlight through the leaves of a tree look like water shimmering in the sun.

     

    Kardia Spasmeni (Giannis Vorgias) - Is It Really For Real?

    Translated as ‘Broken Heart’

     

    Write My Name (CHPTRS) - Dimi’s Poetry - Main Love Theme

    You say I'm the only one you would never be without

    I've found you're the only one worth ever singing ‘bout

     

    Will you write my name in your heart?

    Write my name in your heart.

     

    Though strangers among us crumble, all we've figured out

    I've found you're the only one I hold on to in the doubt

     

    And you write my name in your heart . . . 

    Write my name in your heart

     

    (oh, oh, oh…)

     

    And I'll see you again

    See you again

    See you again

     

    Will you write my name in your heart?

    Write my name in your heart!

     

    The Beauty Of Your Virginity and The Splendor Of Your Purity (Irene Papas, Vangelis) - Beautiful Shane 

    An old Greek devotional hymn that fits ‘Beautiful Shane’ perfectly.

     

    A Kiss In The Dark (The Jovian Channel) - You Only Need Touch

    Everyone was there from all around town

    To kick the summer off hard and loud

    And in the crowd you managed to stand out

    Took a minute and we laughed out loud

    No other people seemed to matter somehow

    I felt for certain you were the one

     

    I swear I could see shooting stars

    When you leaned in and stole my heart

    When the chorus hit we had it all

    Wouldn’t care if the world fell apart

    Nothing missing but the fire is ours

    A Kiss In The Dark

     

    Just as quick as we met we said ‘bye’

    Because he said he had to leave this town

    And the summer just flew right by

    It’s an extraordinary thing that stays

    A lantern that stays on for life

    In the memory of that night

     

    I swear I could see shooting stars

    When you leaned in and stole my heart

    When the chorus hit we had it all

    Wouldn’t care if the world fell apart

    Nothing missing but the fire is ours

    A Kiss In The Dark

     

    Min Anisiheis (Giorgos Sabanis) - Never Worry

     

    Translated as: ‘Don’t Worry’

     

    Venus As A Boy (The Dietrichs) - What Dimi Is

    His wicked

    Sense of humor

    Suggests

    Exciting sex!

     

    His fingers

    They focus on him

    Touches

     

    He's Venus as a boy

    He believes in a beauty

    He's Venus as a boy

     

    He's exploring

    The taste of his

    Arousal

    So accurate

     

    He sets off

    The beauty in him

     

    He's Venus

    Venus as a boy

     

    He believes in a beauty

    He's Venus as a boy

     

    Without Words (Joseph of Mercury) - Being Left Without Words

    See my eyes

    Feel my fingertips

    They know

    What to say

     

    Hear me

    Without Words

    Without sound

    Is there a way to you?

     

    You only need touch

    To know us

    You only need touch

    To know us

     

    See my eyes

    Feel my love for you

    It can never fade

    I’m there when I close my eyes

    Spinning in clouds of light

     

    Nothing ever can compare

    To us

     

    Nothing ever can compare

    To us

     

    I wouldn’t try

    I wouldn’t try

     

    You only need touch

    To know us

    You only need touch

    To know us

     

    Write My Name (Alt Instrumental) (CHPTRS) - Love Theme Reprise

    Instrumental of main love theme

  8. IIBaJ62.jpg

     

    Music

    ———————————

     

    Tracks

    ——————————————

     

     

    1. Happy When You Smile (Brandon Chandler) - When Brandon Smiles
    2. Smile (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings An Uplifting Song
    3. Perfect The Way You Are (Dead by April) - Chandler’s Words At Millennium Park
    4. February Song (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings A Bittersweet Song
    5. I’ll Stand By You (Glee Cover) - Chandler’s Support
    6. I Heard You Lost Your Smile (The Broken Beat) - When Brandon Cries
    7. Only The Young (Brandon Flowers) - ‘You are young. There’s always a tomorrow.’ 
    8. Does Your Mother Know (Gender Bent ABBA Cover from ‘Mama Mia’) - ‘Slow down there Brandon!’
    9. No One Is To Blame (Howard Jones) - Ageless Attractions
    10. Last Chance On The Stairway (Duran Duran) - Seduction At The Party
    11. Save A Prayer (Duran Duran) - ‘Save It ‘Til The Morning After’
    12. Don’t Talk To Me About Love! (Altered Images) - Chandler Takes Greg To Task
    13. Fix You (Anthem Lights Covers Coldplay) - Comforting Brandon
    14. Somewhere Over The Rainbow / Wonderful World (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole) - Chandler’s Telephone Lullaby
    15. You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings A Love Song
    16. Ordinary World (Red Covers Duran Duran) - Helping Brandon Out The Other Side
    17. Notbroken (The Goo Goo Dolls) - Chandler’s Iris
    18. Talk - Alternative Version (Coldplay) - Brandon Talks To Chandler About Getting Caught
    19. Listen To Your Heart (Glee) - Chandler Shows The Way To Do This ‘Gay’ Thing
    20. That’s What I’m Here For (Jason Castro) - ‘Thanks’
    21. True Colors (Glee) - ‘Time To Fly, Brandon’
    22. The Scientist (Coldplay) - Affirmations and the Long Road Given
    23. As Hard As It Is (Brandon Chandler) - ‘Can things get better?’
    24. Things Can Only Get Better (Howard Jones) - ‘Yes, things always can . . .’
    25. Stay On These Roads (A-ha) - ‘ . . . As long as you stay the course.’ 

     

     

    Happy When You Smile (Brandon Chandler) - When Brandon Smiles

     

    Are you strugglin’

    To begin

    Slow down

    And breathe in

    A change

    It happens

     

    (Chorus)

    Are you Happy When You Smile?

    Are you sad when you laugh?

    There’s beauty in this world

    And you’re a part of that. (X)

     

    Are you tryin’

    To hide?

    Are you lonely

    Inside?

    We all struggle

    Sometimes

     

    (Chorus)

     

    Hey love where you goin’ to now?

    Hey love where you runnin’ off now?

    It’s a lonely life, it’s a lonely life

    But everything will be alright

     

    Hey love where you goin’ to now?

     

    (Chorus)

     

    And you’re a part of that. (X)

     

    Smile (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings An Uplifting Song

     

    Smile tho' your heart is aching

    Smile even tho' it's breaking

    When there are clouds in the sky

    You'll get by

    If you Smile

     

    Thro' your fear and sorrow

    Smile and maybe tomorrow

    You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you

    Light up your face with gladness

    Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness

    Altho' a tear may be ever so near

    That's the time

     

    You must keep on trying

    Smile, what's the use of crying

    You'll find that life is still worth-while

    If you just Smile.

     

    Perfect The Way You Are (Dead by April) - Chandler’s Words At Millennium Park

     

    You have what they don't

    Your heart is true

    So dry your tears

    And let it shine through

     

    'Cause you're amazing

    Look at you smiling

    And don't change anything

    There's no denying

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    Don't ever listen to what they say about you

    You're perfect just the way you are

    You will never be anything like them

    And the strength is in your heart, whoa oh, you heart

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    You're perfect just the way you are

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

     

    Don't put yourself down

    Don't let them win

    (Don't let them win)

    They don't understand

    Who you are

    (Who you are)

     

    'Cause you're amazing

    Look at you smiling

    And don't change anything

    There's no denying

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    Don't ever listen to what they say about you

    You're perfect just the way you are

    You will never be anything like them

    And the strength is in your heart, whoa oh, you heart

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    You're perfect just the way you are

    Breakdown your walls, whoa oh

    You can be the person you wanna be

    Break down your walls, whoa oh

    Become who you are

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    Don't ever listen to what they say about you

    You're perfect just the way you are

    You will never be anything like them

    And the strength is in your heart, whoa oh, you heart

     

    You're beautiful

    You're beautiful

    You're perfect just the way you are

     

    February Song (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings A Bittersweet Song

     

    Where has that old friend gone

    Lost in a February song

    Tell him it won't be long

    'Til he opens his eyes

    Opens his eyes

    Where is that simple day

    Before colors broke into shades

    And how did I ever fade

    Into this life

    Into this life

     

    And I never want to let you down

    Forgive me if I slip away

    And all that I've known is lost and found

    I promise you I

    I'll come back to you one day

     

    Morning is waking up

    Sometimes it's more than just enough

    And all that you need to love

    Is in front of your eyes

    It's in front of your eyes

     

    And I never want to let you down

    Forgive me if I slip away

    Sometimes it's hard to find my ground

    'Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away

    From this crazy world

     

    And I never want to let you down

    Forgive me if I slip away

    And all I've known is lost and found

    I promise you I

    I'll come back to you one day

     

    Where has that old friend gone

    Lost in a February song

    Tell him it won't be long

    'Til he opens his eyes

    Opens his eyes

     

    I’ll Stand By You (Glee Cover) - Chandler’s Support

     

    Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes,

    Come on and come to me now, and don't be ashamed to cry,

    Let me see you through, 'cause I've seen the dark side too.

    When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do,

    Nothing you confess could make me love you less,

     

    I'll stand by you,

    I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

    I'll stand by you

     

    So if you're mad, get mad, don't hold it all inside,

    Come on and talk to me now.

    Hey there, what you got to hide?

    I get angry too, well, I'm alive like you.

    When you're standing at the cross roads,

    And don't know which path to choose,

    Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong

     

    I'll stand by you,

    I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

    I'll stand by you.

     

    Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you,

    I'll stand by you.

     

    And when, when the night falls on you baby,

    You're feeling all a lone, you're wandering on your own,

    I'll stand by you.

    I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

    I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,

    And I'll never desert you,

     

    I'll stand by you,

    I'll stand by you.

    I'll stand by you, won't let nobody hurt you,

    I'll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,

    And I'll never desert you

     

    I'll stand by you

     

    I Heard You Lost Your Smile (The Broken Beat) - When Brandon Cries

     

    I Heard You Lost Your Smile

    Got lost along the way

    This house, it feels so empty

    I won’t let you stray (X)

     

    For the moment set your mind to rest, son

    Time to take all the pain away

    This is your moment

    So hold on

     

    So dance and lose yourself

    Just fall away

    Oh, take me by surprise and find your place

    Don’t let it end

    As the hours go

    I swear this watch

    Will tell me that you’ll stay

     

    Stay (X)

     

    The hour’s just beginning

    Footsteps, I’ll find their place

    One breath, we’re cleansing two hearts

    With words that keep me safe

     

    The hope is so surrounding

    So make your place in love

    The smoke crawls to the ceiling

    As fears crash to the floor

     

    For the moment set your mind to rest, son

    Time to take all the pain away

    This is your moment

    So hold on

     

    So dance and lose yourself

    Just fall away

    Oh, take me by surprise and find your place

    Don’t let it end

    As the hours go

    I swear this watch

    Will tell me that you’ll stay

     

    So dance and lose yourself

    Just fall away

    Oh, take me by surprise and find your place

     

    So dance and lose yourself

    Just fall away

    Oh, take me by surprise and find your place

    Don’t let it end

    As the hours go

    I swear this watch

    Will tell me that you’ll stay

     

    Stay (X)

     

    So dance and lose yourself

    Just fall away

    Oh, take me by surprise and find your place

    Don’t let it end

    As the hours go

    I swear this watch

    Will tell me that you’ll stay

     

     

    Only The Young (Brandon Flowers) - ‘You are young. There’s always a tomorrow.’ 

     

    Look back in silence

    The cradle of your whole life

    There in the distance

    Losing its greatest pride

    Nothing is easy, nothing is sacred, why?

    Where did the bow break?

    It happened before your time

     

    And there were people there

    Lovely as you'd ever care

    Tonight, baby, you can start again

    Laughing in the open air

    Have yourself another dream

    Tonight, maybe we can start again

     

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

     

    Mother, it's cold here

    Father, thy will be done

    Thunder and lightning are crashing down

    They got me on the run

    Direct me to the sun

    Redemption, keep my covers clean tonight

    Baby, we can start again

     

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

     

    And the sun will shine again

    And the sun will shine again

    Are you looking for a sign?

    Or are you caught up in the lie?

     

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

    Only the young can break away, break away

    Lost when the wind blows, on your own

     

    Only the young can

    Lost when the wind blows

    Only the young can

    Lost when the wind blows

     

    Does Your Mother Know (Gender Bent ABBA Cover from ‘Mama Mia’) - ‘Slow down there Brandon!’

     

    You're so hot, teasing me

    So you're blue

    but I can't take a chance on a kid like you

    That's something I couldn't do

    There's that look in your eyes

    I can read in your face

    that your feelings are driving you wild

    Ah, but boy you're only a child

     

    Well I can dance with you honey

    If you think it's funny

    Does your mother know that you're out

    And I can chat with you baby

    Flirt a little maybe

    Does your mother know that you're out

     

    Take it easy (take it easy)

    Better slow down boy

    That's no way to go

    Does your mother know?

    Take it easy (take it easy)

    Try to cool it boy

    Take it nice and slow

    Does your mother know?

     

    I can see what you want

    But you seem pretty young

    to be searching for that kind of fun

    So maybe I'm not the one

    Now you're so cute, I like your style

    And I know what you mean

    when you give me a flash of that smile (smile)

    But boy you're only a child

     

    Well I can dance with you honey

    If you think it's funny

    Does your mother know that you're out

    And I can chat with you baby

    Flirt a little maybe

    Does your mother know that you're out

     

    Take it easy (take it easy)

    Better slow down boy

    That's no way to go

    Does your mother know

    Take it easy (take it easy)

    Try to cool it boy

    Take it nice and slow

    Does your mother know

     

    Well I can dance with you honey

    If you think it's funny

    Does your mother know that you're out

    And I can chat with you baby

    Flirt a little maybe

    Does your mother know that you're out

     

    Well I can dance with you honey

    If you think it's funny

    Does your mother know that you're out

    And I can chat with you baby

    Flirt a little maybe

    Does your mother know that you're out

     

    Well I can dance with you honey

    If you think it's funny

    Does your mother know that you're out

    And I can chat with you baby

     

    No One Is To Blame (Howard Jones) - Ageless Attractions

     

    You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat

    You can feel the cushion, but you can't have a seat

    You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim

    You can feel the punishment, but you can't commit the sin

     

    And you want him, and he wants you

    We warned everyone

    And you want him and he wants you

    No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

     

    You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it

    You're the fastest runner, but you're not allowed to win

    Some break the rules, and let you count the cost

    The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost

     

    And you want him, and he wants you

    We warned everyone

    And you want him and he wants you

    No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

     

    You can see the summit, but you can't reach it

    It's the last piece of the puzzle, but you just can't make it fit

    Doctor says you're cured, but you still feel the pain

    Aspirations in the clouds, but your hopes go down the drain

     

    And you want him, and he wants you

    We warned everyone

    And you want him and he wants you

    No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

     

    No one ever is to blame

    No one ever is to blame

     

     Last Chance On The Stairway (Duran Duran) - Seduction At The Party

     

    I don't remember quite how I met you

    Wasn't long ago

    I just get a picture of sun in your eyes

    The waves in your hair

    Maybe it's something said in a movie or

    You could've said last night

    Just took me out on a limb

    And I don't really know what I'm doing here

     

    And sometimes I'm caught in a landslide

    My beat's so in time, can you look at me

    I'm out of reach, I'll talk if it feels right

    I've had my last chance on the stairway

     

    Funny it's just like a scene out of Voltaire

    Twisting out of sight

    'Cause when all the curtains are pulled back

    We'll turn and see the circles we've traced

    Ain't no game (ooh)

    When you're playing with fire

    It doesn't seem right that we fight

    So the party runs on all night

     

    And sometimes I'm caught in a landslide

    My beat's so in time, can you look at me

    I'm out of reach I'll talk if it feels right

    So nervous to say, tell me can't you see

    And if you want I'll fall out forever

    I can't say no more, baby dance with me

    And please don't say leave it 'til later

    I've had my last chance on the stairway

     

    Wonder why, (wonder why ooh)

    What makes me rise so high

    Maybe it's something they put in your perfume

    Or the look in your eyes

    It could be the atmosphere sinking

    Ooh, I don't know what you're thinking

    I don't even know what you're drinking

    But it keeps this heaven alive

     

    And sometimes I'm caught in a landslide

    My beat's so in time, can you look at me

    I'm out of reach I'll talk if it feels right

    So nervous to say, tell me can't you see

    And if you want I'll fall out forever

    I can't say no more, baby dance with me

    And please don't say leave till later

    I've had my last chance on the stairway

     

    Last chance on the stairway

    Last chance on the stairway

    Last chance on the stairway

    Last chance on the stairway

    Last chance on the stairway

    Last chance on the stairway

     

     Save A Prayer (Duran Duran) - ‘Save It ‘Til The Morning After’

     

    You saw me standing by the walled corner of a main street

    And the lights are flashing on your window sill

    All alone ain't much fun so you're looking for the thrill

    And you know just what it takes and where to go

     

    Don't say a prayer for me now 

    Save it ‘til the morning after

    No don't say a prayer for me now 

    Save it ‘til the morning after

     

    Feel the breeze deep on the inside look you down into the well

    If you can you'll see the world in all his fire

    Take a chance like all dreamers can't find another way

    You don't have to dream it all, just live a day

     

    Don't say a prayer for me now

    Save it 'til the morning after

    No don't say a prayer for me now

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after

     

    Pretty looking road I try to hold the rising floods that fill my skin

    Don't ask me why I'll keep my promise melt the ice

    And you wanted to dance so I asked you to dance

    But fear is in your soul

    Some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise

     

    Don't say a prayer for me now

    Save it til the morning after

    No don't say a prayer for me now

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after

    Save it 'til the morning after (doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

    Save a prayer 'til the morning after

     

     Don’t Talk To Me About Love! (Altered Images) - Chandler Takes Greg To Task

     

    They exchanged a look 

    An hour later his voice shook 

    When his whispering died, he cried 

    Never wants to recover, he cried 

     

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter)

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

     

    Since that gaze

    Roaring by went his days 

    When his whispering died, he cried 

    Never wants to recover, he cried 

     

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter)

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

     

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

    Don't talk, don't talk to me

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

     

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter)

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter)

     

    It couldn't be that good, although they said it would 

    Just couldn't be that good 

     

    Don't talk to me about love 

    (yesterdays shatter, tomorrows don't matter) 

     

    Be that good 

    It couldn't be that good, although they said it would 

    Just couldn't be that good 

     

    Be be be that good 

     

     Fix You (Anthem Lights Covers Coldplay) - Comforting Brandon

     

    Reprise from ‘Brandon Smiling’ 

     

    Somewhere Over The Rainbow / Wonderful World (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole) - Chandler’s Telephone Lullaby

     

    Ooh, ooh, ooh

    Ooh, ooh

    Somewhere over the rainbow

    Way up high

    And the dreams that you dream of

    Once in a lullaby

     

    Somewhere over the rainbow

    Bluebirds fly

    And the dreams that you dream of

    Dreams really do come true

     

    Someday, I wish upon a star

    Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

    Where trouble melts like lemon drops

    High above the chimney top

    That's where you'll find me

     

    Somewhere over the rainbow

    Bluebirds fly

    And the dreams that you dare to

    Oh why, oh why can't I?

     

    Well, I see trees of green and red roses too

    I'll watch them bloom for me and you

     

    And I think to myself

    What a wonderful world

     

    Well, I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white

    And the brightness of day

    I like the dark

     

    And I think to myself what a wonderful world

     

    The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

    And also on the faces of people passing by

    I see friends shaking hands saying

    How do you do?

    They're really saying I, I love you

    I hear babies cry and I watch them grow

    They'll learn much more then we'll know

     

    And I think to myself what a wonderful world

    World

     

    Someday I wish upon a star

    Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

    Where trouble melts like lemon drops

    High above the chimney top

    That's where you'll find me

     

    Oh, somewhere over the rainbow

    Way up high

    And the dreams that you dare to

    Why oh, why can't I?

    Ooh, ooh

    Ooh, ooh

     

     You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) (Josh Groban) - Chandler Sings A Love Song

     

    Don't give up

    It's just the weight of the world

    When your heart's heavy

    I, I, will lift it for you

    Don't give up

    Because you want to be heard

    If silence keeps you

    I, I, will break it for you

     

    Everybody wants to be understood

    Well I can hear you

    Everybody wants to be loved

    Don't give up

    Because you, are loved

     

    Don't give up

    It's just the hurt that you hide

    When you're lost inside

    I, I'll be there to find you

    Don't give up

    Because you want to burn bright

    If darkness blinds you

    I, I will shine to guide you

     

    Everybody wants to be understood

    Well I can hear you

    Everybody wants to be loved

    Don't give up

    Because you, are loved

    You are loved

     

    Don't give up

    It's just the weight of the world

    Don't give up

    Everyone needs to be loved

    You are loved

     

     Ordinary World (Red Covers Duran Duran) - Helping Brandon Out The Other Side

     

    Reprise from ‘Brandon Smiling’

     

     Notbroken (The Goo Goo Dolls) - Chandler’s Iris

     

    All I waited for,

    Was a chance to make you understand

    And tell you these forgotten truths

    You never thought were real

    And if the world should turn it's back, 

    You know that I'm still here

     

    Time won't ever steal my soul

    We're not broken, so please come home

     

    Morning comes, and life moves on

    And when it changed, you didn't know where you belong

    And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep

    And scrawl these words upon your wall, remind you to believe

     

    Time won't ever steal my soul

    We're not broken, so please come home

    If the world has worn you down

    I'll be waiting, so please come home

     

    I won't let them break you down

    And I won't hear the empty sounds,

    I'm hopelessly pretending that I know the answer

    Angels light the neon fires that burn so cold through your desires

    And all you are is all I need to know

     

    When the world is insane,

    You get used to the pain

    And you don't even know what you feel

    And I was like you,

    All alone and confused

    But you know it's not forever

     

    Time won't ever steal my soul

    We're not broken, so please come home

    If the world has worn you down

    I'll be waiting, so please come home

     

     Talk - Alternative Version (Coldplay) - Brandon Talks To Chandler About Getting Caught

     

    [Verse 1]

    Under the great North star

    Try to work out where you are

    In the silence of the sea

    I don't know where I'll be

     

    [Verse 2]

    In the future, in the past

    Going nowhere, much too fast

    When I go there, go with me

    When I go there, go with me

     

    [Chorus 1]

    Cause I don't know where I'm going and I wanna talk

    I feel like I'm going where I've been before

    And I wanna talk

     

    [Verse 3]

    Take a picture of

    Something that you're not sure of

    Bring it back to show to me

    But I don't know what I see

     

    [Verse 4]

    In the future, find a home

    Getting nowhere on your own
    Got to find your missing piece

     

    [Chorus 2]

    Cause you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk

    You feel like you're going where you've been before

    Nothing's really making any sense at all

    You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored

     

    [Hook]

    Let's talk

    Let's talk

    Do you wanna talk?

     

    [Verse 5]

    I'm up in the part of the throne

    I'm trying to sing a song

    In a language I don't speak

     

    [Verse 6]

    I tried but I can't get through

    I'm trying to get to you

    But you're difficult to reach

    Won't you talk to me?

     

    [Chorus 3]

    So you don't know were you're going and you wanna talk

    You feel like you're going where you've been before

    Let's talk

    Let's talk

     

     Listen To Your Heart (Glee) - Chandler Shows The Way To Do This ‘Gay’ Thing

     

    I know there's something in the wake of your smile 

    I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea 

    You've built a love but that love falls apart 

    Your little piece of heaven turns too dark

     

    Listen to your heart when he's calling for you 

    Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

    I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, 

    But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

     

    Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile 

    The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea 

    They're swept away and nothing is what is seems, 

    The feeling of belonging to your dreams

     

    Listen to your heart when he's calling for you 

    Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

    I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, 

    But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

     

    And there are voices that want to be heard 

    So much to mention but you can't find the words 

    The sense of magic, the beauty that's been 

    When love was wilder than the wind

     

    Listen to your heart when he's calling for you 

    Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

    I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, 

    But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

     

    Listen to your heart when he's calling for you 

    Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do

    I don't know where you're going and I don't know why, 

    But listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye

     

     That’s What I’m Here For (Jason Castro) - ‘Thanks’

     

    Goodbye, Los Angeles

    You said with some regret

    I'll do my best to find a way

    To help you to forget

     

    I'm glad you made your way

    Back here, to find a better day

    Seems like you're getting

    A little closer to okay

     

    And if you need someone

    Just to be around

    Help put the pieces back

    That you finally found

     

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

    When you need a little less

    Or you want a little more

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

     

    I heard you saying that

    You're finally feeling free

    Blowing kisses

    To the distant memories

    Lately I've caught you

    Smiling a little more

    You're beautiful

    And I'm all yours

     

    And if you need someone

    Just to be around

    Help put the pieces back

    That you finally found

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

    When you need a little less

    Or you want a little more

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

     

    That's why I can hold you just as long as you'll stay

    I can tell you what no one would ever say

    That it's alright to admit that you were wrong

    Before you know it, all the scars will be gone

     

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

    When you need a little less

    Or you want a little more

     

    When you need someone to find you

    When you're hiding from it all

    That's what I'm here for

    That's what I'm here for

     

     True Colors (Glee) - ‘Time To Fly, Brandon’

     

    Reprise from ‘Brandon Smiling’

     

     The Scientist (Coldplay) - Affirmations and the Long Road Given

     

    Reprise from ‘Brandon Smiling’

     

     As Hard As It Is (Brandon Chandler) - ‘Can things get better?’

     

    I bet you’ll be

    Just what you wanna be

    It’s never easy

    Chasing down your dreams

     

    (Chorus)

    And don’t give up

    You’ll be fine soon enough

    As Hard As It Is

    You’ll make it through

    All of this (X)

     

    Don’t give up (X3)

     

    I know it seems

    Nothing comes easily

    So chase your dreams

    Follow your heart

    You are Everything

    That sets you apart

     

    (Chorus)

     

    You’ll make it through . . .

    You’ll make it through

    All of this

     

    So don’t give up (X3)

     

     Things Can Only Get Better (Howard Jones) - ‘Yes, things always can . . .’

     

    We're not scared to lose it all security throw through the wall

    Future dreams we have to realize

    A thousand skeptic hands won't keep us from the things we plan

    Unless we're clinging to the things we prize

     

    And do you feel scared, I do

    But I won't stop and falter

    And if we threw it all away

    Things can only get better

    Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh

     

    Treating today as though it was the last, the final show

    Get to sixty and feel no regret

    It may take a little time a lonely path, an uphill climb

    Success or failure will not alter it

     

    And do you feel scared, I do

    But I won't stop and falter

    And if we threw it all away

    Things can only get better

    Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh

     

    And do you feel scared, I do

    But I won't stop and falter

    And if we threw it all away

    Things can only get better

     

    (Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh)

    (Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh)

     

     Stay On These Roads (A-ha) - ‘ . . . As long as you stay the course.’ 

     

    The cold has a voice

    It talks to me

    Stillborn by choice

    And it has no need to hold

     

    Old man feels the cold

    Oh baby, don't 'cause I've been told

     

    Stay on these roads

    We shall meet I know

    Stay on these roads

    We shall meet I know, I know

     

    Where joy should reign

    These skies restrain

    Shadow your love

    The voice trails off again

     

    Old, old man feels the cold

    Oh baby, don't 'cause I've been told

     

    Stay on these roads

    We shall meet, I know

    Stay on my love

    You feel so weak, be strong

     

    Stay on, stay on

    We shall meet, I know

    I know

    I know, my love, I know

     

    Feel the cold

    Winter's calling at my home

     

    Stay on these roads

    We shall meet, I know

    Stay on my love

    We'll meet, I know

     

    So stay on

    I know

    Stay my love, stay on

    We'll meet, I know, I know

    Love, I know

  9. S H E L T ER

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    Recent Entries

    iTvmlYx.jpg

     

    Soundtrack

     

     

     

    Tracks

    1. Only Once Away My Son (Brian Eno) - Main Title: Waking up to the end of the world
    2. Shelter (darkDARK) - The Shelter’s Theme
    3. (Don’t Fear) The Reaper (HIM) - We Could Become Like They Are
    4. Purgatory (Digital Daggers) - The Realities of the Shelter
    5. The Dead Are Dumb (Nothing) -  Not so much . . .
    6. Teenagers (My Chemical Romance) - When in doubt, blame the kids . . .
    7. Wicked Game (HIM) - Finding Love In The Death
    8. The Crow (Hurts) - The Plague Theme
    9. Somebody To Die For (Hurts) - The Truth of Boys and Heroes
    10. Apocalypse (Cigarettes After Sex) - Life Found Where Lips Touch
    11. Your Pain Is Mine Now (Title Fight) - Pain Shared Is Love Found
    12. Soma Dreams (Rhian Sheehan) - Making Out In A Dark Place
    13. No Longer Making Time (Slowdive) - Time Grows Short
    14. Heroes (Depeche Mode Cover of Bowie) - A Man Going To The Wall
    15. Bravado (Rush) - Against All Odds, Odds Against All
    16. Zombie Apocalypse (Base Case) - Battle For The Shelter
    17. Zombie Killer (Rob Bailey and the Hustle Standard) - ‘If They’re Already Dead, You Can’t Call Them Casualties’
    18. Subhuman (Throbbing Gristle) — Descending Into Madness
    19. Whispers (Vancouver Sleep Clinic) - When Walker Speaks
    20. Ruin (So Below) - Nowhere Is Safe
    21. Departure (Hundredth) - Making An Escape
    22. Leave Me Behind (No Sun) - Sacrifices Along The Way
    23. Survive (Chelsea Wolfe) - Finding The Will To Survive
    24. Disintegration (Chromatics) - Looking For A World That Is Gone
    25. The Dead Next Door (Billy Idol) - ‘You and me and the Dead next door’

     

    ———————————————————————————————————————————

    Only Once Away My Son (Brian Eno) - 

    Main Title: Waking up to the end of the world

     

    Apocalyptic Instrumental

     

    Shelter (darkDARK) - The Shelter’s Theme

     

    I keep trying to take Shelter . . .

     

    (Don’t Fear) The Reaper (HIM) - We Could Become Like They Are

     

    All our times have come

    Here, but now they're gone

    The seasons don't fear the Reaper

    Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain

     

    And we can be like they are

     

    Come on, baby... Don't fear the Reaper

    Baby, take my hand... Don't fear the Reaper

    We'll be able to fly... Don't fear the Reaper

    Baby, I'm your man...

     

    Valentine is done

    Here, but now they're gone

    Romeo and Juliet

    Are together in eternity...

    Romeo and Juliet

     

    40, 000 men and women every day...

    Like Romeo and Juliet

    40, 000 men and women every day...

    Redefine happiness

    Another 40, 000 coming every day...

     

    We can be like they are

     

    Come on, baby... Don't fear the Reaper

    Baby, take my hand... Don't fear the Reaper

    We'll be able to fly... Don't fear the Reaper

    Baby, I'm your man...

     

    Love of two is one

    Here, but now they're gone

    Came last night of sadness

    It was clear we couldn't go on

    The door was opened and the wind appeared

    The candles blew and then disappeared

    The curtains flew and then he appeared

     

    Saying, "Don't be afraid"

     

    Come on, baby... And we had no fear

    And we ran to him... Then we started to fly

    We looked backward and said goodbye

    We had become like they are

    We had taken his hand

    We had become like they are

     

    Come on, baby... Don't fear the Reaper

     

    Purgatory (Digital Daggers) - The Realities Of The Shelter

     

    Bleak Instrumental

     

    The Dead Are Dumb (Nothing) -  Not so much . . .

     

    Always try to keep up 

    Always fall behind 

    Belly pains 

    And headaches 

    Inside you 

     

    Isn’t it quite the same 

    And isn’t it such a shame 

    Too heavy for the lightness 

    But weightless in the rain 

    All our words are wasted 

     

    Never fails to fail me 

    Never say never 

    Loathing phase 

    Self-inflicted pain 

    I’d never 

    Oh, I’d never

     

    Teenagers (My Chemical Romance) - When in doubt, blame the kids . . .

     

    They're gonna clean up your looks

    With all the lies in the books

    To make a citizen out of you

    Because they sleep with a gun

    And keep an eye on you, son

    So they can watch all the things you do

     

    Because the drugs never work

    They're gonna give you a smirk

    'Cause they got methods of keepin' you clean

    They gonna rip up your heads

    Your aspirations to shreds

    Another cog in the murder machine

     

    They said all

    Teenagers scare

    The living shit out of me

    They could care less

    As long as someone'll bleed

    So darken your clothes

    Or strike a violent pose

    Maybe they'll leave you alone

    But not me

     

    The boys and girls in the clique

    The awful names that they stick

    You're never gonna fit in much, kid

    But if you're troubled and hurt

    What you got under your shirt

    Will make them pay for the things that they did

     

    They said all

    Teenagers scare

    The living shit out of me

    They could care less

    As long as someone'll bleed

    So darken your clothes

    Or strike a violent pose

    Maybe they'll leave you alone

    But not me

     

    Oh yeah

     

    They said all

    Teenagers scare

    The living shit out of me

    They could care less

    As long as someone'll bleed

    So darken your clothes

    Or strike a violent pose

    Maybe they'll leave you alone

    But not me

     

    All together now

     

    Teenagers scare

    The living shit out of me

    They could care less

    As long as someone'll bleed

    So darken your clothes

    Or strike a violent pose

    Maybe they'll leave you alone

    But not me

     

    Teenagers scare

    The living shit out of me

    They could care less

    As long as someone'll bleed

    So darken your clothes

    Or strike a violent pose

    Maybe they'll leave you alone

    But not me

     

    Wicked Game (HIM) - Finding Love In The Death

     

    The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you

    It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

    I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you

    And I'd never dreamed that I'd need somebody like you

     

    No I don't want to fall in love

    This world is always gonna brake your heart

    No I don't want to fall in love

    This world is always gonna brake your heart,

    with you

     

    What a wicked game to play

    To make me feel this way

    What a wicked thing to do

    To let me dream of you

    What a wicked thing to say

    You never felt this way

    What a wicked thing you do

    To make me dream of you

     

    No I don't want to fall in love

    This world is always gonna brake your heart

    No I don't want to fall in love

    This world is always gonna brake your heart,

    with you

     

    The world was on fire, no-one could save me but you

    It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

    No and I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you

    I'll never dream that I lose somebody like you, no

     

    Now I want to fall in love

    This world is always gonna brake your heart

    Now I want to fall in lust

    This world is always gonna brake your heart,

    with you

     

    Nobody loves no-one

     

    The Crow (Hurts) - The Plague Theme

     

    Golden days 

    Are so far away

    There’s a black rain

    Up above

    Out on the wind 

    You hear her call

    She’s under your skin

    And you drift away

     

    She spreads her wings 

    When she’s gonna fly

    The Crow…

    If you make her sing 

    When she’s coming 

    She will let you know

     

    Her frozen hand

    Takes your breath away

    As she leads your soul

    Through the dark

    You know that she came

    To break your heart

    But on then she moves

    You fall in love again

     

    She spreads her wings

    When she’s gonna fly…

    The Crow

    If you make her sing

    When she’s coming

    She will let you know

     

    She spreads her wings

    And they black out the sun

    You won’t hear her sing

    And she’ll leave

    When the damage is done

     

    Cold heart

    Warm gun

    A dying sun

    Bright eyes

    Black soul

    She’ll never let you go

     

    And she spreads her winds

    When she’s gonna fly…

    The Crow

    If you make her sing

    When she’s coming

    She will let you know

     

    She spreads her wings

    And they black out the sun

    You won’t hear her sing

    And she’ll leave

    When the damage is done

     

     Somebody To Die For (Hurts) - The Truth of Boys and Heroes

     

    I could drag you from the ocean

    I could pull you from the fire

    And when you're standing in the shadow,

    I could open up the sky

    And I could give you my devotion, until the end of time

     

    And you will never be forgotten, 

    With me by your side

     

    And I don't need this life

    I just need . . .

    Oh oh oh

     

    I've got nothing left to live for

    Got no reason yet to die

    But when I'm standing in the gallows

    I'll be staring at the sky

    Because no matter where they take me

    In death I will survive

     

    And I will never be forgotten

    With you by my side

     

    Cause I don't need this life

    I just need

    Somebody to die for

    Somebody to cry for

    When I'm lonely

     

    When I'm staring in the fire

    I will look him in the eye

    And I will let the devil know that 

    I was brave enough to die

    And there's no hell that he can show me

    Deeper than my pride

     

    Cause I will never be forgotten 

    Forever I'll fight

     

    And I don't need this life

    I just need

    Somebody to die for

    Somebody to cry for

    When I'm lonely

     

    And I don't need this life

    I just need

    Somebody to die for

    Somebody to cry for

    When I'm lonely

     

    Don't go gentle into that good night

    Rage on against the dying light

     

     Apocalypse (Cigarettes After Sex) - Life Found Where Lips Touch

     

    You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust

    Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above

     

    Got the music in you baby,

    Tell me why

    Got the music in you baby,

    Tell me why

    You’ve been locked in here forever & you just can’t say goodbye

     

    Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms

    You’ve been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark…

     

    Your lips,

    My lips,

    Apocalypse

     

    Go & sneak us through the rivers,

    Flood is rising up on your knees

    Oh please…

    Come out & haunt me

    I know you want me

    Come out & haunt me

     

    Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids

    Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist…

     

    When you’re all alone

    I will reach for you

    When you’re feeling low

    I will be there too

     

     Your Pain Is Mine Now (Title Fight) - Pain Shared Is Love Found

     

    Swept in like a dream

    Drew the sting

    Then I died

    White light trembling

    Shadows bring

    Tears to eyes

     

    Twisted in a summer mist

    Burned alive a while

    Wrestled with your loneliness

    Echoed from a wire

     

    Gatling gun

    Your pain is mine now

    See-through smoke

    Clouds warping around 

    I know you're scared

    Don't cry your eyes out

    Gatling gun

    Under your spell now

     

    Swirling through a tunnel view 

    Tangled in the dark

    Flirting with a kiss of death

    A canopy of stars

    You'll sleep beneath them

    I'm in your room

    I am your nightmare

    I am the moon

     

    Cry

    Die

    Boo hoo

    Boo hoo

     

    Gatling gun

    Your pain is mine now

    See-through smoke

    Clouds warping around 

    I know you're scared

    Don't cry your eyes out

    Gatling gun

    Under your spell now

     

    Gatling gun

    Your pain is mine now

    See-through smoke

    Clouds warping around 

    I know you're scared

    Don't cry your eyes out

    Gatling gun

    Under your spell now

     

     Soma Dreams (Rhian Sheehan) - Making Out In A Dark Place

     

    Light and Sensual Instrumental

     

     No Longer Making Time (Slowdive) - Time Grows Short

     

    Come anyway

    Say you're clean, you like it that way

    You got a new boy

    He keeps it light, you like it that way

    Who cares anyway

    Oh lord I remember the days

    And all those nights

    When you wanted so much more

     

    Honey, don't wait too long

    We're no longer making time

    Forever we'll be

    Together, we breathe

    No longer for too run

     

    Come anyway

    Come on down in your

    Green eyed way

    Comes and it goes

    You come around and I don't know why

    Just lovers and life

    Common ground, Yeah there's no surprise

    Just holding your arms

    Holding on till the fear, It goes

     

    Honey, don't wait too long

    We're no longer making time

    Forever we'll be

    Together, we breathe

    No longer for too run

     

    Who cares anyway

    Oh Lord, I remember those days

    And all those nights

    Holding on till the fear, it goes

     

     Heroes (Depeche Mode Bowie Cover) - A Man Going To The Wall

     

    I, I will be king

    And you, you will be queen

    Though nothing will drive them away

    We can beat them, just for one day

    We can be Heroes, just for one day

     

    And you, you can be mean

    And I, I'll drink all the time

    'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact

    Yes we're lovers, and that is that

    Though nothing, will keep us together

    We could steal time, just for one day

    We can be Heroes, forever and ever

     

    What d'you say?

    I, I wish you could swim

    Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim

    Though nothing, nothing will keep us together

    We can beat them, forever and ever

    Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day

     

    I, I will be king

    And you, you will be queen

    Though nothing will drive them away

    We can be Heroes, just for one day

    We can be us, just for one day

     

    I, I can remember (I remember)

    Standing, by the wall (by the wall)

    And the guns, shot above our heads (over our heads)

    And we kissed, as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)

    And the shame, was on the other side

    Oh we can beat them, forever and ever

    Then we could be Heroes, just for one day

     

    We can be Heroes

    We can be Heroes

    We can be Heroes

    Just for one day

     

    We can be Heroes

     

    We're nothing, and nothing will help us

    Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay

    But we could be safer, just for one day

    Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh, just for one day

     

     Bravado (Rush) - Against All Odds, Odds Against All

     

    If we burn our wings 

    Flying too close to the sun 

    If the moment of glory 

    Is over before it's begun 

    If the dream is won -- 

    Though everything is lost 

    We will pay the price, 

    But we will not count the cost 

     

    When the dust has cleared 

    And victory denied 

    A summit too lofty 

    River a little too wide 

    If we keep our pride 

    Though paradise is lost 

    We will pay the price, 

    But we will not count the cost 

     

    And if the music stops 

    There's only the sound of the rain 

    All the hope and glory, 

    All the sacrifice in vain 

    And if love remains 

    Though everything is lost 

    We will pay the price, 

    But we will not count the cost

     

     Zombie Apocalypse (Base Case) - Battle For The Shelter

     

    Dubstep Nightmare

     

     Zombie Killer (Rob Bailey and the Hustle Standard) - 

    ‘If They’re Already Dead, You Can’t Call Them Casualties’

     

    Special forces, black ops

    It won't go down

    On our watch

    Slowmo killin'

    Slowmo killin'

    Battle tested and battle ready

    For the biggest fight of our lives

    (You know we're ready!)

    The few, the proud, the deadly

    Hold strong and hold steady

    It's the zombie apocalypse, boys

    Whole life come to this moment

    This is what I'm made for

    Don't come close cuz' I…

    might not hold back

    might blow the whole place, one match

    I know I won't hold back

    Every mother fxcker going…

    down, down, down, d-down, down

    Every… every mother fxcker going…

    down, down, d-down, down, down-d-d

    Every last one going… DOWN

    I was fxcking made for this

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    I WAS FXCKING MADE FOR THIS!

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

     

    Hours on days

    Load-loading

    Aim-aiming

    High levels of ghost weapon training

    Hand-to-hand combat

    Street warfare (YEAH!)

    We can go there

    Our team is stacked

    We got heros-on heros-on heros

    Fearless

    And we're coming to your area

    Cuz' we're here to SAVE AMERICA!

    Every mother fxcker going…

    down, down, down, down, down

    Every… every mother fxcker going…

    down, down, d-down, down, down-d-d

    Every last one going… DOWN

    I was fxcking made for this

     

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    I WAS FXCKING MADE FOR THIS!

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

     

    Yo… yo

    Hand me that kill, Cliff

    Son, their drainin' my energy

    Out here got me depending on my enemies

    Man, you know what I'm about

    Got that zombie mentality

    Take a zombie head

    And hang it right above my mantle piece

    Snipin' mother fxckers… casually

     

    If they're already dead

    Can't call 'em causalities

     

    In the day I'm all good

    Night i don't lose sleep

    I was fxcking made for this

    A zombie killin' fiend

     

    I was fxcking made for this

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    I was fxcking made for this

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    I was fxcking made for this

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    I was fxcking made for this

    I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!

    Every mother fxcker going… down

    Every mother fxcker going… down

    This is my entire unit…

    my entire unit

    This is my entire unit…

    right here

    This is my entire unit…

    this is my unit

    This is my entire unit…

    right here

    Slowmo killin'

    Slowmo killin'

    Cuz' we're here to save A…

    Cuz' we're here to save A…

    Cuz' we're here to SAVE AMERICA!

    Every mother fxcker going…

    down, down, down, down, down

    Every… every mother fxcker going…

    (I was fxcking made for this) down, down, d-down, down, down-d-d

    (I'm a ZOMBIE KILLER!) down, down, d-down, down, down-d-d

     

     Subhuman (Throbbing Gristle) — Descending Into Madness

     

    Subhuman Subhuman!

     

    I see you grunting

    I see you grunting

     

    Subhuman Subhuman!

     

    I see you grunting 

    I see you grunting

     

    In the gutter

    In the gutter

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    You're like a virus in my body

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    You're like a virus in my body

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

    Drinking dirty water, to make you clean

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    You make me dizzy with your disease

    I want to smash you and feel at ease

     

    Subhuman

    Subhuman

    Subhuman

    Subhuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaan

     

    Subhuman Subhuman

     

    I see you grunting

    I see you grunting

     

    Subhuman Subhuman!

     

    I see you grunting 

    I see you grunting

     

    You're like a virus, a stinking virus

     

    In the gutter

     

    Subhuman subhuman

     

     Whispers (Vancouver Sleep Clinic) - When Walker Speaks

     

    You lost your purpose quietly

    In the night

    In your eyes

     

    No paving to your heartstrings

    On your own

    Left alone

     

    A silent rush of thunder

    A voice that pulls you under

    A whisper that stole you away

    it all

    We never fought to lose it

    We didn't build to burn this

    You don't have to carry the weight of your sin

     

    We didn't rise to cave in

    We never left for safety

    I will not just age to grow weary and bleed

     

    These burdens brought you crashing

    Under doubt

    Through the ground

    They sealed your lips with silence

    No resistance

    Not a sound

     

    It's worth too much to give in

    You gave it all for this

     

     Ruin (So Below) - Nowhere Is Safe

     

    Know enough to keep above

    Watch you fall back down as we start to run

    I feel it too as it calls to you

    Hit the dark, I will come through

     

    You think you're safe right behind the door

    You think the worst of it happened before

    You're all alone on the highest floor

    What are you waiting for?

     

    This is how it feels

    No use in these tears

    Shadows interfere

    Reach into the clear

    (I take the blame but you never know)

     

    Even out this far

    Who knows where we are

    Never where you start

    We're in the red, in empty air

    Acting up, don't take me there

    If you only knew what I've got to lose

    It's enough that I'm losing you

     

    You think you're safe right behind the door

    You think the worst of it happened before

    You're all alone on the highest floor

    What are you waiting for?

     

    This is how it feels

    No use in these tears

    Shadows interfere

    Reach into the clear

    (I take the blame but you never know)

     

    Even out this far

    Who knows where we are

    Never where you start

    And now

    Even though you drag me down

    I will keep you all around

    And now

    Even though you drag me down

    I will keep you all around

     

     Departure (Hundredth) - Making An Escape

     

    Sad truth

    The judges rule

    On who you used to be

    Not what's new

    Old spark

     

    The flame burns out

    We're not the same

    The smoke pushes out

     

    Was it all just a dream

    Inside a wide-eyed teen?

     

    New order

    Lay it all down

    The old is gone

    Put it in the ground

     

    New order

    Lay it all down

    The old is gone

    Put it in the ground

     

    Departure

    Departure

    Departure

    Departure

    Departure

    Departure

    Departure

     

     Leave Me Behind (No Sun) - Sacrifices Along The Way

     

    Cleanse me in your fire let me feel the burn of your light before i fade away Indefinite and cold as always leave me behind i swear i don’t mind i’ll find my Disguise under the foliage a mask of dirt and leaves for me to hide behind i’ll Disappear hiding in plain sight the earth will swallow me the soil will surround       My skin i won’t be here anymore i won’t be anywhere

     

     Survive (Chelsea Wolfe) - Finding The Will To Survive

     

    you said you won't break my heart

    unless you do

    you said you won't fall apart

    until the end

     

    did we travel all this way

    just to survive

    did you stay another day?

    we could survive

     

    all the sinners and the saints

    move in the same direction

    they walk in place

    until the end

    ramble on this barren place

    we call our home

    dreams of endless landscapes

    morphing, in love

     

     Disintegration (Chromatics) - Looking For A World That Is Gone

     

    The Horror, The Horror, The Horror

     

    The Dead Next Door (Billy Idol) - ‘You and me and the Dead next door’

     

    Watch the sky

    For a reason why

    I'm safe here

    Sunday it was part

    Monday it was none

    Monday was none

    For the dead next door

    One pair of silent terror reins

    And we're the dead next door

     

    The heat of the day fades away

    Fades into the night

    The heat of the day

    Suffering away

    Suffering away

    For the dead next door

    You see

    One error, silent terror

    And we're the dead next door

     

    In animal land

    And dark is in command

    One thing you should know

    Don't hear that knocking

    Don't eat out of their hand

    Don't stumble, die

    You say

    Don't stumble, cry

    They see you and me

    You and me

    With the dead next door

    You and me

    With the dead next door

    You and me

    With the dead next door

  10. Now, I generally highly avoid talk of politics, racism, or religion...

     

    HOWEVER...

     

    Let's be real here. China and India have MORE than 1 billion people each in their respective countries, dwarfing just about all other countries.

     

    English is third,  Spanish is second in languages spoken worldwide, and Chinese is FIRST. 

     

    In the US, Caucasians are becoming the minority. They are being vastly outnumbered by those of Hispanic and African lineage. 

     

    WHY is that such a scary thing when most of the children are mixed anyway? When we ALL are technically mixed down the line, anyway???

     

    If we weren't, we would all have quite the medical and mental conditions, wouldn't we? I mean, inbreeding's always been a great risk.

     

    I just feel so disheartened having worked in this kind of environment for so long. 

     

    God doesn't see race, politics, or wealth. 

     

    I grow weary of hypocrites that preach unity when they're the ones in perpetual fear.

     

    Yes, the church provides great help to the community.

     

    They reach out to the poor, they feed the hungry.

     

    But, those in charge are also great cowards.

     

    I will do my best for my community for this, my final year here.

     

    After that, I seriously have to consider if my Faith and core beliefs are worth putting on a facade of support. 

     

    ...and find out just how jaded I am at this point. 

     

     

  11. I'll just quote myself:

     

    Quote

    I might be going to Hastings, Nebraska next month. My best friend's mom has liver cancer, and I'm planning to take her to see her mom. Cancer sucks.

     

  12. northie
    Latest Entry

    My kettle died the other day, just as I was desperate for that morning hot drink. Irritating, but easily solved by buying another one. When my laptop died yesterday evening, that was something else again. Even my not very technical brain could understand something serious had happened from the error messages that appeared on the screen. 

     

    Fortunately it's still under warranty, just. A phone call to the seller's helpline confirmed my suspicion that the hard drive was fried. Great ... It is repairable under warranty but doing anything about retrieving the data would cost me. At this point, I breathed a sigh of relief. Although a lot of my data and photos are synched through my Google account, up 'til a couple of months ago, this didn't apply to my writing. That had to rely on me manually uploading my stories to Drive. Did I do it regularly? No - about every 3 months or so, if I remembered. 

     

    By some coincidence, a previous scare happened at about the same time Google was sending reminders about its new way of synching photos from a pc or laptop. Turns out, this works just as well on designated documents or folders. Phew ... So everything's safely backed up - it's more a question of what happens now.

     

    My laptop will be away for anything up to a month (I hope it's sooner). I do have a older standby; I've spent a lot time in the 24 hours getting it upto date. It is hardly a great replacement, having a useless battery, but more importantly a very poorly lit screen. Better than nothing ... The effect on my current stories have been noted in their respective story topics. I'm taking the opportunity to spend more time writing my antho story.

     

    Hopefully, normally service will be resumed soon.

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    Track List

    ——————————————————

     

    1. I Can’t Help Falling In Love Instrumental (Gian Piero Ferrini) - Love Theme Overture
    2. School Bus (Alex Somers) - Once Upon A Time On A School Bus . . .
    3. Someday My Prince Will Come (Prince Peter Wolf’s Male Version) - Derrick’s Wishing Well
    4. One Song (Vocals By Scott) - The Prince Makes His Appearance!
    5. Too Good for Me (Luke Underhill) - Derrick’s Insecurities
    6. The Gift (Angels & Airwaves) - Derrick’s Most Precious Gift
    7. Can’t Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley) - The Greatest Love Song For The Greatest Love Story
    8. Go All The Way (The Raspberries) - Talkin’ ‘Bout Makin’ Love!
    9. Who Do You Think You Are? (Jigsaw) - Classism At The Opera House
    10. Suedehead (Morrissey) - Chris’ Lament
    11. I Won’t Be Your Little Secret (Part Time) - Tanner’s Dose Of Reality
    12. Young Love (Moto Boy) - Nothing Will Keep Us Apart!
    13. Palo Santo (Teen Daze) - Going Deeper
    14. The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel) - I Am Just A Poor Boy . . .
    15. In The End (Linkin Park) - Chris’ Secret Anguish
    16. Revenge (Eurythmics) - The Wrath Of Chris
    17. Say You Love Me (A Flock Of Seagulls)  - Demands Made
    18. Getting Even (White Lies) - Chris’ Cruelty
    19. Stripped (Depeche Mode) - What Can Only Be Given, Cannot Be Taken
    20. Run (Germany Germany) - The Consolations Of Tanner
    21. True (Spandau Ballet) - Truth and Repentance
    22. People Are People (Depeche Mode) - The Beat Down
    23. The Hurting (Tears For Fears) - Which Pain Is Worse?
    24. Close My Eyes And Burn (Robin Guthrie) - Sexual Healing
    25. My Protector (Mesh) - Team Derrick 
    26. Shine (Cyndi Lauper) - Coming Out!
    27. I Just Called To Say I Loved You (Stevie Wonder)  - 2AM Phone Calls
    28. I Think We’re Alone Now (The Birthday Massacre) - Finally Alone Together
    29. Wasted We Stared At The Ceiling (Hammock) - Afterglows
    30. Lifelines (A-Ha) - Never Throw Your Lifelines Away

     

    ———————————

     

    I Can’t Help Falling In Love Instrumental (Gian Piero Ferrini) - Love Theme Overture

     

    Tender instrumental refrain of the main love theme.

     

    School Bus (Alex Somers) - Once Upon A Time On A School Bus . . .

     

    Anticipatory interlude.

     

    Someday My Prince Will Come (Prince Peter Wolf’s Male Version) - Derrick’s Wishing Well

     

    Someday my prince will come

    Someday we'll meet again

    And away to his castle we'll go

    To be happy forever I know

     

    Someday when spring is here

    We'll find our love anew

    Though he’s far away

    I’ll find my love someday 

    Someday when my dreams come true

     

    One Song (Vocals By Scott) - The Prince Makes His Appearance!

     

    One Song

    I have but one song

    One song

    Only for you

     

    One heart

    Tenderly beating

    Ever entreating

    Constant and true

     

    One love

    That has possessed me

    One love

    Thrilling me through

     

    One song

    My heart keeps singing

    Of one love

    Only for you

     

    Too Good For Me (Luke Underhill) - Derrick’s Insecurities

     

    You make my arm melt and you make it drop

    You make it shake and you make it stop

    Yet I know you’re Too Good For Me 

    But, I think it’s meant to be

     

    I love your life and the way your lips curl

    You’ve got the eyes that are out of this world

    Yet, I know you’re Too Good For Me 

    But, I feel it’s meant to be

     

    (Chorus)

    I shouldn’t like you I admit that it’s wrong

    Don’t want to lose you so I have to be strong

    You know I’m happy being your best friend

    I don’t ever want this to end

    Oh no, I never want this to end

     

    It drives me crazy that I can’t hold your hand

    At the beach we wrote our names in the sand

    Yet, I know you’re Too Good For Me 

    But, I hope it’s meant to be

     

    When we drive we tend to sing the same songs

    Through the years you’ve even righted my wrongs

    Yet, I know you’re Too Good For Me 

    But, I know it’s meant to be

     

    (Chorus)

    (An Insecure Bridge)

     

    (Chorus) X

     

    Oh no, I never want this to end (X)

     

    The Gift (Angels & Airwaves) - Derrick’s Most Precious Gift

     

    There's the strangest excitement today

    If you're awake then you're welcome to hear

    I got a gift and it blew me away

    From the far eastern sea, straight to here

     

    Oh god, I feel like I'm in for it now

    It's like the rush has gone straight to my brain

    God, my voice is as lonely as loud

    As I whisper the joy of this pain

     

    And suddenly

    You've done it all

    You've won me over

    In no time at all

     

    And now, I'll stop the storm if it rains

    I'll light a path far from here

    I'll make your fear melt away

    And the world we know disappear

     

    If you ask I will do what you say

    All we have is this night to get though

    With the taste of the smile you're only

    You left me all up in arms and confused

     

    Oh God, I feel like I'm in for it now

    And how this kiss will be one, roughly vague

    I swear I'll melt if you touch me at all

    And then I'll ask you to do it again and again

     

    And suddenly

    You've done it all

    You've won me over

    In no time at all

     

    And now, I'll stop the storm if it rains

    I'll light up a path far from here

    I'll make your fear melt away

    And the world that we know disappear

     

    I'll stop the storm if it rains

    I'll light a path far from here

    I'll make your fear melt away

    And the world we know disappear

     

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

     

    And now, I'll stop the storm if it rains

    I'll light a path far from here

    I'll make your fear melt away

     

    And the world that we know disappear

    I'll stop the storm if it rains

    I'll light a path far from here

    I'll make your fear melt away

     

    And the world we know disappear

    Make world we know disappear

     

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

    Oh, ohoh, ohoh, ohoh, yeah

     

    Can’t Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley) - The Greatest Love Song For The Greatest Love Story

     

    Wise men say only fools rush in

    But I can't help falling in love with you

     

    Shall I stay?

    Would it be a sin

    If I can't help falling in love with you?

     

    Like a river flows surely to the sea

    Darling so it goes

    Some things are meant to be

     

    Take my hand, take my whole life too

    For I can't help falling in love with you

     

    Like a river flows surely to the sea

    Darling so it goes

    Some things are meant to be

     

    Take my hand, take my whole life too

    For I can't help falling in love with you

    For I can't help falling in love with you

     

    Go All The Way (The Raspberries) - Talkin’ ‘Bout Makin’ Love!

     

    Ma-ma, yeah, whoo

    Whoo-hoo-hoo

    All right

    Ma-ma-ma-ma, yeah, whoo

     

    I never knew how complete love could be

    Till he kissed me and said:

     

    ‘Baby, please, go all the way

    It feels so right (Feels so right)

    Being with you here tonight

    Please, go all the way

    Just hold me close (Hold me close)

    Don't ever let me go (Don't let me go)’

     

    I couldn't say what I wanted to say

    Till he whispered ‘I love you’

     

    So, please, go all the way

    It feels so right (Feels so right)

    Being with you here tonight

    Please, go all the way

    Just hold me close (Hold me close)

    Don't ever let me go, oh, no (Don't let me go)

     

    Before his love, I was cruel and mean

    Had a hole in the place where my heart should have been

    But now I'm changed, and I feel so strange

    I come alive when he does all those things to me

     

    And he says (Come on)

    Come on (Come on)

    Mm-hmm (Come on)

    Come on (Come on)

    I need you (Come on)

    I love you (Come on)

    I need you (Come on)

    Ma-ma, yeah, yeah (Come on)

     

    Please, go all the way

    It feels so right (Feels so right)

    Being with you here tonight

    Please, go all the way

    Just hold me close (Hold me close)

    Don't ever let me go, oh, no (Don't let me go)

     

    Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

    Oh

    Ma-ma-ma, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, ooh

    Go all the way, yeah

    Whoo-hoo

     

    Who Do You Think You Are? (Jigsaw) - Classism At The Opera House

     

    Who am I?

    I’m just a guy who only wants

    To try to do what's right

    I'll never make you cry

    But, you're no good to me

     

    Who do you think you are?

    You tried to push me a bit too far

    And every day sees another scar

    Oh baby, who do you think you are?

    If you want me there, you gotta care!

    Oh tell me:

     

    Who do you think you are

    Taking advantage of me this way?

    Who do you think you are

    Hurting me more with the things you say?

    Its not fair! You don’t care!

    Who do you really think that you are?

     

    Where are we? (where are we?)

    We're at the cross roads and

    I just can't see

    Which road to take to keep you

    Here with me (here with me)

    The lights are changing, baby

    Who do you think you are?

    You tried to push me a bit too far

    And every day sees another scar

    Oh baby, who do you think you are?

    If you want me there, you gotta care!

    Oh tell me:

     

    Who do you think you are

    Taking advantage of me this way?

    Who do you think you are

    Hurting me more with the things you say?

    Its not fair! You don’t care!

     

    Who do you really think that you are?

    Who do you think you are? (Who am I?)

    Oh baby, who do you think you are?

    (I'm just a guy who only)

    Who do you think you are?

    (Wants to try)

    Oh tell me, who do you think you are?

    (To do what's right and never)

    Who do you think you are?

    (Make you cry)

    Oh tell me, who do you think you are?

    (But you're no good and baby)

    Who do you think you are?

    (Where are we?)

    Oh tell me, who do you think you are?

    (We're at the cross roads)

    Who do you think you are?

    (and I just can't see)

    Oh tell me, who do you think you are?

     

    Suedehead (Morrissey) - Chris’ Lament

     

    Why do you come here?

    And why, oh why do you hang around?

     

    I'm so sorry, oh...

    I'm so sorry, oh, oh...

     

    Why do you come here

    When you know it makes things hard for me?

    When you know, oh

    Why do you come?

     

    (Derrick’s Questions

    ‘Why do you telephone?

    And why, why send me silly notes?’)

     

    I'm so sorry

    I'm so sorry, oh...

     

    Why do you come here

    When you know it makes things hard for me?

    When you know, oh

    Why do you come?

     

    You had to sneak into my room

    'just' to read my diary

    "oh, it was just to see, just to see"

    (all the things you knew i'd written about you...)

    And oh so many illustrations

     

    Oh, but

    I'm so very sickened

    Oh, I am so sickened now

     

    Still, it was a good lay, good lay

    It was a good lay, good lay

    It was a good lay, good lay

     

    Ah...

    Still, it was a good lay, good lay

    It was a good lay, good lay

    It was a good lay, good lay

     

    A good lay, ah...

    Oh, it was a good lay

    It was a good lay

    It was a good lay

    Oh, it was a good lay

    Good lay, good lay

    Oh

     

    I Won’t Be Your Little Secret (Part Time) - Tanner’s Dose Of Reality

     

    I'm a little secret

    Oh boy, it's hurting me

    And if I

    Told the world what I was thinking

    It'll set you free

     

    And I can't be your shadow

    No you can't hide me

    I would tip-toe

    Around your window

    So no one can see

     

    Oh no, I won't be your little secret

    Oh boy, 'cause it's hurting me

    And if I told your friends

    What you were doing

    It'll set you free

     

    And I won't be your shadow

    No you can't hide me

    You can't hide me for the rest of your life

    You've got to set me free

     

    Tell me what you want

    To set me free

    Tell me what you need

    To believe in me

    Wasted time

    Wasted time

    Wasted time

    Please, don't waste my time

     

    Oh no, I won't be your little secret

    Oh boy, 'cause it's hurting me

    And if I told the world

    What you were doing

    It'll set you free

     

    And I won't be your shadow

    No you can't hide me

    You can't hide me for the rest of your life

    You've got to set me free

     

    Little Secret, Little Secret

    I can’t be your little secret

     

    Little Secret ...

     

    Young Love (Moto Boy) - Nothing Will Keep Us Apart!

     

    Young hearts light their own funeral pyres 

    A wild fire the hearts always keen to endure

    And I know the yearning will always remain

    And I know I'll always be asking for more

     

    And it wont let me go

     

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Find me and take me where my love belongs

    Burn me! I want it cause my love is young

     

    They asked me what do you think you will find?

    And I replied "I don't know but it's something divine"

    And it wont let me go

     

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Find me and take me where my love belongs

    Burn me! I want it cause my love is young

     

    I always wanted a bittersweet heart

    It seems it was already there from the start

     

    And it wont let me go

     

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Young love burning a hole in my heart

    Find me and take me where my love belongs

    Burn me! I want it cause my love is young

     

    Hold me and hurt me 

    Love and avert me

     

    Palo Santo (Teen Daze) - Going Deeper

    Sensual Instrumental

     

    The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel) - I Am Just A Poor Boy . . .

     

    I am just a poor boy

    Though my story's seldom told

    I have squandered my resistance

    For a pocket full of mumbles, such are promises

    All lies and jests

    Still a man hears what he wants to hear

    And disregards the rest

     

    When I left my home and my family

    I was no more than a boy

    In the company of strangers

    In the quiet of the railway station

    Running scared,

    Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters

    Where the ragged people go

    Looking for the places

    Only they would know

     

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

     

    Asking only workman's wages

    I come looking for a job

    But I get no offers

    Just a come-on from the whores

    On Seventh Avenue

    I do declare

    There were times when I was so lonesome

    I took some comfort there, le le le le le le le

     

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

     

    Then I'm laying out my winter clothes

    And wishing I was gone

    Going home

    Where the New York City winters

    Aren't bleeding me

    Leading me

    To going home

     

    In the clearing stands a boxer

    And a fighter by his trade

    And he carries the reminders

    Of ev'ry glove that laid him down

    Or cut him till he cried out

    In his anger and his shame

    "I am leaving, I am leaving"

    But the fighter still remains, mmm mmm

     

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la lie lie

    Lie la lie, lie la la la la lie la la lie

     

    In The End (Linkin Park) - Chris’ Secret Anguish

     

    It starts with

    One thing, I don't know why

    It doesn't even matter how hard you try

    Keep that in mind

    I designed this rhyme to explain in due time

    All I know

    Time is a valuable thing

    Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

    Watch it count down to the end of the day

    The clock ticks life away

    It's so unreal

    Didn't look out below

    Watch the time go right out the window

    Trying to hold on, but didn't even know

    I wasted it all just to watch you go

    I kept everything inside

    And even though I tried, it all fell apart

    What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

     

    I tried so hard and got so far

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

    I had to fall to lose it all

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

     

    One thing, I don't know why

    It doesn't even matter how hard you try

    Keep that in mind

    I designed this rhyme to remind myself how I tried so hard

    In spite of the way you were mocking me

    Acting like I was part of your property

    Remembering all the times you fought with me

    I'm surprised it got so far

    Things aren't the way they were before

    You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

    Not that you knew me back then

    But it all comes back to me in the end

    You kept everything inside

    And even though I tried, it all fell apart

    What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

     

    I tried so hard and got so far

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

    I had to fall to lose it all

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

     

    I've put my trust in you

    Pushed as far as I can go

    For all this, there's only one thing you should know

     

    I've put my trust in you

    Pushed as far as I can go

    For all this, there's only one thing you should know

     

    I tried so hard and got so far

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

    I had to fall to lose it all

    But in the end, it doesn't even matter

     

    Revenge (Eurythmics) - The Wrath Of Chris

     

    He said Revenge can be so sweet

    I like to take it when I can

    I need to play with the ones I hate

    I like to see them suffer

     

    It has to be dangerous

    It has to be refined

    It has to be skilful

    You need to take your time

     

    He said, "You gotta snake”

    And that's a good example

    You don't even notice it until you're bitten,

    You learn to enjoy it

     

    It has to be dangerous

    It has to be refined

    It has to be skilful

    You need to take your time

     

    He said I take care

    Of my resources

    You never know

    When you might need them

     

    I'm fast and I'm strong

    My reflexes are good

    It doesn't take long

    To achieve my deserved 

     

    Revenge

     

    I like to play with the ones I hate

    I really like to see them suffer

     

    Revenge

     

     Say You Love Me (A Flock Of Seagulls)  - Demands Made

     

    Say you love me 

    Come on say you do

    Say you need me 

    Just like i need you

    It's in your eyes 

    I know it’s in your smile

     

    Say you love me 

    If only for a while

    Won't waste my time 

    On other love

    If you were mine

     Lord above

     

    I still remember 

    When our eyes first met

    There's something about you

    That i just can't forget

    You made my heart 

    Into an open door

     

    Say you need me

    Can't take it anymore

    Don't waste your time 

    On other love

    When you are mine

    Lord above

     

    My heart's been tossed like a ship on the ocean

    I'm beaten and driven on waves of emotion

    That carry me carry me carry me

    On to your shore

     

    You stand like a statue of pure alabaster

    Surrounded by sirens on rocks of disaster

    They're calling me calling me calling me

    Into your heart 

    Where i'm torn apart

     

    Say you love me

    Come on say you do

    Say you need me

    Don't treat me like a fool

    It's in your eyes

    I know it's in your touch

     

    Say you love me

    Say you love me

    Say you love me!

     

     Getting Even (White Lies) - Chris’ Cruelty

     

    So if you go

    And leave recklessly

    We can only be me

    We can only be me

    That's something I

    Through the turns of my life

    Never wanted to be

    Never wanted to be

     

    But if you stay

    Just a bolt in the ball

    Then you'll never know

    Then you'll never know

    How you could miss

    Like the day light the way

    You're missing us now

    You're missing us now

     

    So listen to some reason

    There's nothing in your dreams

    But if you're getting even

    You're getting even

    Trying to get even

    Better start believing

    I can forgive

    And we can forget

    Even after all this

    Love and other nonsense we've made

     

    Now if we kiss

    Then the moon in the sky

    We'd linger a while

    We linger a while

    So ask to give just an inch more of night

    But you break from my life

    No more kiss, no more I

     

    But listen to some reason

    There's nothing in your dreams

    But if you're getting even

    You're getting even

    Trying to get even

    Better start believing

    I can forgive

    And we can forget

    Even after all this wrestling of conscience

    I can forgive

    And we can forget

    Even after all this

    Love and other nonsense

     

    It's the worst part of the best of me, best of me

    Love, I'm trying so hard to be free

    Worst of the best of me, best of me

    Love, I'm trying so hard to be free

    Lonely but free

    And out of love

     

    If you're getting even

    You're getting even

    If you're getting even

    You're getting even

     

    If you're getting even

    You're getting even

    Trying to get even

    Better start believing

    I can forgive

    And we can forget

    Even after all this wrestling of conscience

    I can forgive

    And we can forget

    Even after all this

    Love and other nonsense

    You're getting even

    You're getting even

    And I can forgive

    And we can forget

    You're getting even

    You're getting even

    And I can forgive

    And we can forget

    You're getting even

    You're getting even

    And I can forgive

    And we can forget

    You're getting even

    You're getting even

    (And I can forgive)

    (And we can forget)

    (You're getting even)

     

     Stripped (Depeche Mode) - What Can Only Be Given, Cannot Be Taken

     

    Come with me

    Into the trees

    We'll lay on the grass

    And let the hours pass

     

    Take my hand

    Come back to the land

    Let's get away

    Just for one day

     

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

     

    Metropolis

    Has nothing on this

    You're breathing in fumes

    I taste when we kiss

     

    Take my hand

    Come back to the land

    Where everything's ours

    For a few hours

     

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

     

    Let me hear you

    Make decisions

    Without your television

    Let me hear you speaking

    Just for me

     

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

     

    Let me hear you speaking

    Just for me

     

    Let me see you

    Stripped down to the bone

     

    Let me hear you crying

    Just for me

     

     Run (Germany Germany) - The Consolations Of Tanner

     

    Why can’t I get through

    To the other side of you?

    And it’s true that I still can’t forget

    And it’s true that I’ve still got regrets

     

    I try to follow you

    Through the undertow, but I could not break through

    I took the last few seconds of life that I had

    And spent it in a moment inside of my head

    I took the last few seconds of life that I had

    And spent it on a moment

    And spent it on a moment

     

    (Chorus)

    Why do you Run away

    From everything that makes you afraid?

     

    (Bridge)

    (Chorus) X

     

    True (Spandau Ballet) - Truth and Repentance

     

    So True funny how it seems 

    Always in time, but never in line for dreams 

    Head over heels when toe to toe 

    This is the sound of my soul, 

    This is the sound 

    I bought a ticket to the world, 

    But now I've come back again 

    Why do I find it hard to write the next line 

    Oh I want the truth to be said 

     

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

     

    With a thrill in my head and a pill on my tongue 

    Dissolve the nerves that have just begun 

    Listening to Marvin (all night long) 

    This is the sound of my soul, 

    This is the sound 

     

    Always slipping from my hands, 

    Sand's a time of its own 

    Take your seaside arms and write the next line 

    Oh I want the truth to be known 

     

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

     

    I bought a ticket to the world, 

    But now I've come back again 

    Why do I find it hard to write the next line 

    Oh I want the truth to be said 

     

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

    Huh huh huh hu-uh huh 

    I know this much is True 

     

    This much is True 

    I know, I know, I know this much is True

     

    People Are People (Depeche Mode) - The Beat Down

     

    People are people so why should it be

    You and I should get along so awfully

     

    So, we're different colours

    And we're different creeds

    And different people have different needs

    It's obvious you hate me

    Though I've done nothing wrong

    I never even met you

    So what could I have done

     

    I can't understand

    What makes a man

    Hate another man

    Help me understand

     

    People are people so why should it be

    You and I should get along so awfully

     

    Help me understand

    Now you're punching and you're kicking

    And you're shouting at me

    I'm relying on your common decency

    So far it hasn't surfaced

    But I'm sure it exists

    It just takes a while to travel

    From your head to your fist

     

    I can't understand

    What makes a man

    Hate another man

    Help me understand  . . .

     

    (People are People . . .)

     

     The Hurting (Tears For Fears) - Which Pain Is Worse?

     

    Is it an horrific dream

    Am I sinking fast

    Could a person be so mean

    As to laugh and laugh

    On my own

    Could you ease my load

    Could you see my Pain

    Could you please explain

    The Hurting

     

    Could you understand a child

    When he cries in Pain

    Could you give him all he needs

    Or do you feel the same

    All along

    You've been told you're wrong

    When you felt it right

    And you're left to fight

    The Hurting

     

    Get in line with the things you know

    Feel the Pain

    Feel the sorrow

    Touch the hurt and don't let go

    Get in line with the things you know

    Learn to cry

    Like a baby

    Then The Hurting won't come back

     

    Is it an horrific dream . . . ?

     

     Close My Eyes And Burn (Robin Guthrie) - Sexual Healing

     

    Deeply Sensual Instrumental

     

     My Protector (Mesh) - Team Derrick 

     

    I didn't see

    Who protects me

    But, I'm all that I could be

    Time rushes by

    More than we like

    But, I've all the love I need

     

    You're my protector, my home

    I'm nothing without you

    You're my deflector, I know

    That nothing can get through

    You feel the feelings for me

    So I don't have to face the things I do.

     

    Life's changing scenes

    Played behind screens

    We're all someone's hopes and dreams

    Caught in the lights

    You still have the fight

    When you're taught to do things right

     

    You're my protector, my home

    I'm nothing without you

    You're my deflector, I know

    That nothing can get through

    You feel the feelings for me

    So I don't have to face the things I do.

     

    All my life you shield me from the game

    You're my spine, but I've never been ashamed

    They don't see and I just can't explain

    You've my protector, you're mine forever

     

    You're my protector, my home

    I'm nothing without you

    You're my deflector, I know

    That nothing can get through

    You feel the feelings for me

    So I don't have to face the things I do.

    So I don't have to face the things I do.

     

    Shine (Cyndi Lauper) - Coming Out!

     

    Shine I'll stand by you

    Don't try and push me away

    'Cause I'm just gonna stay

    You can Shine I won't deny you

    And don't be afraid it'll all be ok

     

    Do you know my name

    Well I ain't gonna take

    That big time line

    Won't be beat by a lie

    Gonna call out to these embers

    Waiting to ignite

    Gonna pull you up

    By your love, by your love

    And tell you

     

    Shine I'll stand by you...

     

    I can see the frown you wear

    All around like some faded crown

    Like a watch over wound

    Gonna call down to this diamond

    Buried underground

    Gonna pull you up

    By your love, by your love

    And tell you

     

    When it's said and done

    What you need will come

    And time won't let me

    Let you let me waste it this time

    Shine...

     

    I Just Called To Say I Loved You (Stevie Wonder)  - 2AM Phone Calls

     

    No New Year's Day to celebrate

    No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away

    No first of spring, no song to sing

    In fact here's just another ordinary day

     

    No April rain

    No flowers bloom

    No wedding Saturday within the month of June

    But what it is, is something true

    Made up of these three words that I must say to you

     

    I just called to say I love you

    I just called to say how much I care

    I just called to say I love you

    And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

     

    No summer's high

    No warm July

    No harvest moon to light one tender August night

    No autumn breeze

    No falling leaves

    Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies

     

    No Libra sun

    No Halloween

    No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring

    But what it is, though old so new

    To fill your heart like no three words could ever do

     

    I just called to say I love you

    I just called to say how much I care, I do

    I just called to say I love you

    And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

     

    I just called to say I love you

    I just called to say how much I care, I do

    I just called to say I love you

    And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart, of my heart

     

    I Think We’re Alone Now (The Birthday Massacre) - Finally Alone Together

     

    Children behave,

    That's what they say when we're together.

    And Watch how you play,

    They don't understand, And so we're

     

    Running just as fast as we can,

    Holding onto one another's hand

    Trying to get away into the night.

    And then I put my arms around you,

    And you tumbled to the ground

    And then I say

     

    I think we're alone now,

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now,

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

     

    Look at the way,

    I gotta hide what I'm doin'.

    'Cause what would they say,

    If they ever knew, and so we're,

     

    Running just as fast as we can,

    Holding onto one another's hand

    Trying to get away into the night.

    And then I put my arms around you,

    And you tumbled to the ground

    And then I say

     

    I think we're alone now,

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now,

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

    I think we're alone now, (alone now)

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now, (alone now)

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

     

    Running just as fast as we can,

    Holding onto one another's hand

    Trying to get away into the night.

    And then I put my arms around you,

    And you tumbled to the ground

    And then I say

     

    I think we're alone now,

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now,

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

    I think we're alone now,

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now,

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

    I think we're alone now, (alone now)

    There doesn't seem to be anyone around.

    I think we're alone now, (alone now)

    The beating of your heart is the only sound.

     

    Wasted We Stared At The Ceiling (Hammock) - Afterglows

     

    Weightless

    On a cloud

    Only now

    Air between us

     

    Shapeless

    Off the ground

    Coming down

    Into pieces

     

    Wasted,

    We stare at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We stare at the ceiling

     

    Blameless

    Without fear

    Stars reappear

    We are something

     

    Fearless

    All the years

    Night disappears

    Into nothing

     

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

    Wasted,

    We Stared at the ceiling

     

     Lifelines (A-Ha) - Never Throw Your Lifelines Away

     

    One time, to know that it's real.

    One time, to know how it feels.

    That's all.

     

    One call, your voice on the phone.

    One place, a moment alone.

    That's all.

     

    What do you see?

    What do you know?

    One sign, what'll I do?

    Just follow your lifeline through.

     

    What if it hurts, what then?

    What do we do, what do you say?

    Don't throw your Lifelines away

     

    Don't throw your Lifelines away

     

    One time, just once in my life.

    Yeah one time, to know it can't happen twice.

    One shot on a clear blue sky.

    One look, I see the reasons why you cared.

     

    One chance to get back to the point where everything starts.

    One chance to keep it together,

    Things fall apart.

     

    One sign to make us believe it's true.

     

    What do you see, where do we go?

    One sign, how do we grow?

    By letting your lifeline show.

     

    What if we do, what now?

    What do you say, how do I know?

    Don't let your Lifeline go.

     

    Don't let your Lifeline go. . .

     

     

  13. This morning:

     

    Me:  Okay.  Gonna write.

     

    Brain:  No

     

    Me:  C'mon, I want to finish this.  It's like two or three scenes, let's go.

     

    Brain:  Nope.

     

    Me:  Okay, what about this story?

     

    Brain:  Nope, not feeling it.

     

    Me:  Well, let's work on this story.  Or this one.

     

    Brain:  Nope.  Fuck off.  

     

    Me:  *fumes all day long*

     

    An hour before I have to go to bed:

     

    Brain:  Hey, let's write about this new idea!  

     

    Me:  :facepalm:

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    About ten or so years back I was doing a fair amount of creative writing and had even put a little of it online. One of my pieces even appeared in the 2007 Fall Anthology "The Rainy Day" here on GA. Then paid work (from which I am now retired), voluntary work (particularly in the LGBT-support field - in which I am still involved) and various other things (such as developing my creative skills in digital photography) all managed to get in the way and I reluctantly decided to put my creative writing on hold. I still maintained my love of the written word and so have still been doing a lot of reading in the intervening years.

     

    A few months back my muse, after she had been on a long holiday to destinations that are unknown to me, decided to pay me a brief visit to tell me that I should start writing again. That prompted me to log back in to GA for the first time in a while and see what was going on with the creative writing community. Although the site itself has certainly changed over the years, it's good to see so many of the old crowd still here - and to even see some names that I recognise from other sites (some of those sites sadly now no longer active). So, after reading some of the stories and poems, I decided to take out Author status again (I say "again" because I am fairly certain I did once have author status - but that probably got removed because of my long hiatus) and see if that would prompt my muse to return again. So in the past week or so I have uploaded a story and a couple of poems - probably really just to try to justify (if only to myself) having that status. But none of them have been new work, just old pieces of mine.

     

    And that's really what's bothering me. I want to write new stuff! I've a couple of ideas that I am playing with. There's two novels that I really should finish that have both been on hold for over ten years. I've over 50k words done on one and 70k on the other, but neither of them are any way near complete, and both have chapters missing (as in I have early chapters, later chapters, but in-between chapters missing - if that makes any sense). I've struggled with both in the past few weeks, but don't seem to be able to move on with either of them. I know some people will suggest that I just start uploading the existing chapters and that that will give me the impetus to complete them. But I tried that on another (now defunct) site 12 years or so back and it didn't work. I just left readers asking me to complete them and I never did. And I don't think it would be at all good of me to do that again to the readers on GA.

     

    There's also a completely new short story (maybe 4k to 7k words if it ever gets written) that's been going round in my head for the past while. I've tried numerous times recently to type it in. But every time I try it just doesn't seem to want to flow. I'll write half a page, read it through, and just not be happy with it. The idea is there! And I'm sure in my head that it is a great idea. But it just doesn't seem to want to leave my head and appear on paper (or on the monitor of my laptop). I sometimes actually finish up with a headache trying to write it. Is it writer's block? Has my muse deserted me again? I have the fucking story in my head! So why can't I write the fucking thing??

     

    I know I could just upload lots of my old stuff on here (and I may well do that with some of my pieces). But I would feel somewhat of a fraud if that's all that I do. If I'm going to call myself an author I feel that I ought to actually be writing some new stuff as well.

     

    Questions:

    • What is the cause of writer's block?
    • How does an author overcome writer's block?
    • O Muse, where art thou?

     

    The piece mentioned in the first paragraph that I wrote for the 2007 Fall Anthology "The Rainy Day" can be viewed here if anybody is even remotely interested. 😉

  14. Hi all

    I have been full of work, so of course to escape that i decided to make a new suggestion. I will finally suggest a single book, and although to be honest the author did wrote a "kind of a series" around the same subject, Alexander The Great rise and rule, it can be a stand alone read. The Persian Boy by Mary Renault, tell as the story of a young boy that captured, made an eunuch and sold as a slave to the King of Persia. After Alexander conquering of the Persian Empire, he becomes Alexander servant and lover. I know many in the gay community might already know this book, but I decided to make it my suggestion because this was a book that always stayed in my mind. My parents have a considerable book selection and I read this book when I was a teenager in high school. I am not sure of the details anymore, I think at that time I already new I was gay, but before I found online fiction or GA, it was actually the first book I read that can be considered a gay story, and it was important for me at the time.

    Hope you guys enjoy it.

     

    image.png.05100dcfd446a6c1445927380aac3d4f.png

     

    PS: these entries don't have to be my suggestions only, you can leave another book suggestion of the featured category in the comments. :*)

     

  15. Toast

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    Toast
    Latest Entry

    empty frame

    decoration

    beauty

    at the edge

    in the beginning

    at the end

    beauty

     

    but

    nothing

    except

    foolish 

    filler 

    mars 

    the captured soul 

     

    doubt

    refusal

    the sad silence

    the only gesture

    left

     

     

     

    1.7.19 Monday

  16. So as someone who listened to lots of noise from county, folk songs, to modern day stuff, through the seventies and eighties, I believe I have a solid understanding what it sounds like when you got somethin that cripples the peaceful surface of your soul and you love it. Yep that`s heavy metal, from Black Sabbath, Dio, DC, `Tallica, Maiden, Megadeth, Motorhead, Death, Sepultura, Rage against the machine, Soundgarden, Tyrant, Violent force, Overkill, Arch enemy, The scorpions, Slayer, even Marilyn Manson...ring a bell? Hahaha yeah The ultimate noise makers, I like a lot of a lot of genres, but what made the stereotype that all of em are satanists? Is it the lyrics? Or the harsh and beast like sounds? Or was it people like "I wish I could play like that..." ? Not saying that metal is all there is, but I`m kind of interested how it all became evil?

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    B7E90i8.jpg

     

    Music

     

     

     

     

    Track List

    1. Video Killed The Radio Star (Ben Folds Five Cover Of The Buggles) - General Theme
    2. Images Of Heaven (Peter Godwin) - Dream Out Of Reach
    3. Billboard (If I’m Honest) (Jacob Whitesides) - Taken For Granted
    4. Show You (Shawn Mendes) - Not Settling For Second Place
    5. He Likes Boys (Simone Battle) - Lori’s Deal
    6. All Eyes On You (St. Lucia) - Chance Encounters
    7. Shooting Stars (Bag Raiders) - Bridging The Gap
    8. Two Weeks (Grizzly Bear) - Return To Distance
    9. Dazed And Confused (Ruel) - He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
    10. Take On Me (A-ha) - Risk and Reward
    11. Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney) - In Love With Your No. 1 Fan
    12. Midnight City (M83) - Dreaming While Awake
    13. Boys Just Want To Have Fun (Team Heartbreak) - Giggles and Gumdrops
    14. Tongue Tied (Geographer) - More Than A Memory
    15. Kiss The Boy (Keiynan Lonsdale) - Momentum
    16. Obvious (CHPTRS) - Something Better, Something Real (Jesse 101 Love Theme)
    17. Touch (Troye Sivan)  - Eight and A Half Minutes
    18. Who We Are (Tristan Prettyman) - The Madness and the Ache
    19. Internet Killed The Video Star (The Limousines) - Counter-Theme
    20. Obvious (Alternate Version) (CHPTRS) - Love Theme Reprise

    ————————————

     

    Video Killed The Radio Star (Ben Folds Five Cover Of The Buggles) - General Theme

     

    I heard you on the wireless back in fifty two

    Lying awake intent at tuning in on you

    If I was young it didn't stop you coming through

    Oh a oh

     

    They took the credit for your second symphony

    Rewritten by machine on new technology

    And now I understand the problems you can see

    Oh a oh

     

    I met your children

    Oh a oh

     

    What did you tell them?

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

     

    Pictures came and broke your heart

    Oh, a, a, a, oh

     

    And now we meet in an abandoned studio

    We hear the playback and it seems so long ago

    And you remember the jingles used to go

    Oh-a oh

     

    You were the first one

    Oh-a oh

     

    You were the last one

     

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far

    Oh-a-aho oh

    Oh-a-aho oh

     

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    In my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone too far

    Pictures came and broke your heart

    Put down the blame on VCR

     

    Oh, you are a radio star

    You are a radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

     

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

    Video killed the radio star

     

    Images Of Heaven (Peter Godwin) - Dream Out Of Reach

     

    Nothing is sacred

    So, give me your soul

    Nothing is wasted

    On someone like you

     

    Somebody killed me

    And tore out my heart, my love

    Somebody killed me

    Because of you

     

    And there's nothing I can do

    The media made you

    There's nothing I can do

    'cause you don't exist

    you don't exist

     

    Just images of heaven

    that take me to hell

    Images of heaven

    Of something to sell

    Images of heaven

    Images of heaven

     

    Something possessed me

    An image of you, my love

     

    Video visions

    That play on my mind

     

    Nobody blessed me

    With power to reach, my love

     

    When you're an illusion

    You can still be divine

     

    And nobody believes

    In this new religion

    Yeah nobody believes

    'cause nobody sees

    nobody sees

     

    Images of heaven

    Take me to hell

    Images of heaven

    of something to sell

    Images of heaven

    Images of heaven

     

    Images of heaven

    Images of heaven

     

    And there's nothing I can do

    The camera made you

    There's nothing I can do

    'Cause you don't exist

    You don't exist

     

    Just images of heaven

    that take me to hell

    Images of heaven

    Of something to sell

    Images of heaven

    Images of heaven

     

    Billboard (If I’m Honest) (Jacob Whitesides) - Taken For Granted

     

    Hello

    Where have you been?

    You're about to miss it all

    I would give anything to hear you call

    If I'm honest

     

    Sometimes

    It's all that I can do to keep my head up high

    I'm like a book with empty pages inside

    Cold wind blowing through the window shade

    I'm calling, what else can I say?

     

    I'm like a billboard in the sky

    How many times you passed me by-y-y

    You passed me by

    You're like a blinking neon light

    How many times I bought your lies

    Sometimes I wonder why

    If I'm honest

     

    My life

    It's not as easy as I make you think

    I close my eyes and I try not to blink

    If I'm honest

    Cold wind blowing through the window shade

    I'm falling faster each and every day

     

    I'm like a billboard in the sky

    How many times you passed me by-y-y

    You passed me by

    You're like a blinking neon light

    How many times I bought your lies

    Sometimes I wonder why

     

    Come back, come back

    Please don't leave me all alone

    Come back, come back

    I'm right here

    Come back, come back

    I'm willing if you are

     

    I'm like a billboard in the sky

    How many times you passed me by

    You passed me by

    You're like a blinking neon light

    How many times I bought your lies

    Sometimes I wonder why

     

    I'm like a billboard in the sky

    How many times you passed me by

    Passed me by

    You're like a blinking neon light

    How many times I bought your lies

    Sometimes I wonder why

    If I'm honest

     

    Show You (Shawn Mendes) - Not Settling For Second Place

     

    You can’t walk the streets at night

    You're way too short to get on this ride

    No I'm not, no I'm not, they're tryna tell me that I

    I gotta be home when the street lights glow?

    You can’t watch your TV show

    I will watch what I wanna watch

    No, won’t listen to you, do what I wanna do

     

    And I will walk this road ahead

    One hundred miles on my hands

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

    And if you don't believe me now

    I'll flip the whole world upside down

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

     

    Watch me swim across this lake

    Fly through the sky in my Superman cape

    Watch me walk across this wire

    Tip-toe through the coals of a blazing fire

    Watch me fly this kite in the rain

    I’ll jump rope with my ball and chain

    Come by and knock on my house of cards

    If it falls I'll rebuild it from the start

    I won’t listen to you, do what I wanna do

     

    And I will walk this road ahead

    One hundred miles on my hands

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

    And if you don't believe me now

    I'll flip the whole world upside down

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

     

    Do I really gotta show you now? Really, really, really, gotta show you now?

    Do I really gotta spell it out? I-T, I spelled it out

    If you really wanna see me now? Watch me walk across the clouds

    I don’t know what you heard about, listen to me yell it loud

    Do I really gotta show you now? Really, really, really, gotta show you now?

    Do I really gotta spell it out? I-T, I spelled it out

    If you really wanna see me now? Watch me walk across the clouds

    I don’t know what you heard about, see that door I'll knock it down

     

    And I will walk this road ahead

    One hundred miles on my hands

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

    And if you don't believe me now

    I'll flip the whole world upside down

    Do I need to show you?

    Guess I gotta show you

     

    Do I really gotta show you now? Really, really, really, gotta show you now?

    Do I really gotta spell it out? I-T, I spelled it out

    If you really wanna see me now? Watch me walk across the clouds

    Do I need to show you? Guess I gotta show you

     

    He Likes Boys (Simone Battle) - Lori’s Deal

     

    Sexy hair, gorgeous smile

    He's the most perfect guy

    I've come across

    In a while

    Sensitive, real sweet

    He even watches Desperate Housewives

    With me

     

    My heart's beating like a mini drum

    I told my best friends he's the one

    I said I think that I'm in love this time

    They told me something that could change my mind

     

    He likes boys

    Finally now it's all making sense

    He likes boys

    I like this guy but he's on the fence

    He likes boys

    Can't believe this happened again

    He likes boys

    oh oh boys oh oh

     

    Manicured, finger tips

    He dresses like an American Apparel mannequin

    Guess it is kind of odd

    That he's a such a big fan of Lady Gaga

     

    My heart's beating like a mini drum

    I don't believe he will lead me on

    But now I'm startin' to see all the signs

    Is it true? Have I lost my mind?

     

    He likes boys

    Finally now it's all making sense

    He likes boys

    I like this guy but he's on the fence

    He likes boys

    Can't believe it's happened again

    He likes boys

    oh oh boys oh oh

     

    He likes boys

    Finally now it's all making sense

    He likes boys

    I like this guy but he's on the fence

    He likes boys

    Can't believe it's happened again

    He likes boys

    oh oh boys oh oh

     

    I don't think I could take

    This kind of rejection

    I guess it's time to take it in

    My gaydar needs some inspection

    I thought him an me

    Were the perfect we

    I guess I'll move on to plan B

    We both like vintage shopping

    and we both like

     

    Boys

    Finally now it's all making sense

    We like boys

    It's a love story with a twist

    We like boys

    I find a new gay best friend

    He likes boys

    oh oh boys oh oh boys

    We like boys

    Finally now it's all making sense

    We like boys

    It's a love story with a twist

    He likes boys

     

    All Eyes On You (St. Lucia) - Chance Encounters

     

    I will never take back

    The words that I said then

    I will always come back to you

     

    Even in the meantime

    I will always stand by

    A mirror on the shelf

     

    Call you in the nighttime

    Call you in the daytime

    Can't fess up to you

     

    'Cause I hope

    We will never have to take back

    What we said in the night

    I hope that I will always have

    All eyes on you

    Know that I will take what I can

    When you are there standing by

    Soft, spoken in the dead of night

    All eyes on you

     

    I will never take back

    The words that I said then

    I always knew I'd come back to you

     

    Even in the meantime

    I will always stand by

    A mirror on the shelf

     

    'Cause I hope

    We will never have to take back

    What we said in the night

    I hope that I will always have

    All eyes on you

    Know that I will take what I can

    When you are there standing by

    Soft, spoken in the dead of night

    All eyes on you

     

    I hope

    We will never have to take back

    What we said in the night

    I hope that I will always have

    All eyes on you

    Know that I will take what I can

    When you are there standing by

    Soft, spoken in the dead of night

    All eyes on you

    [x3]

     

    All eyes on you

    All eyes on you

     

    Shooting Stars (Bag Raiders) - Bridging The Gap

     

    It's late and I'm awake

    Staring at the wall

    Open up my window

    Head floats out the door

     

    No one else around

    The shimmer takes my eye

    I lift my head

    Blinded by the sky

     

    Feel my weight in front

    Following the sound

    Moves away so fast

    Fall down to the ground

     

    I know there's more to come

    Jump back to my feet

    Now I only see ahead of me

    Chasing down the street

     

    Gave my love to a Shooting Star

    But he moves so fast

    That I can't keep up

    I'm chasing

     

    I'm in love with a Shooting Star

    But he moves so fast

    When he falls then

    I'll be waiting

     

    Two Weeks (Grizzly Bear) - Return To Distance

     

    Save up all the days

    A routine malaise

    Just like yesterday

    I told you I would stay

     

    Would you always?

    Maybe sometimes?

    Make it easy?

    Take your time

     

    Think of all the ways

    Momentary phase

    Just like yesterday

    I told you I would stay

     

    Every time you try

    Quarter half a mile

    Just like yesterday

    I told you I would stay

     

    Would you always?

    Maybe sometimes?

    Make it easy?

    Take your time

     

    Would you always?

    Maybe sometimes?

    Make it easy?

    Take your time

     

    Always

    Sometimes

    Easy

    Time

     

    Dazed And Confused (Ruel) - He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

     

    You came in swinging like Apollo

    I'll be feeling it tomorrow

    No, I ain't seeing straight, hyperventilate

    Knees begin to wobble

    You cut my brakes and hit the throttle

    I couldn't stop it if I wanted

    Dizzy silhouette, makes me break a sweat

    I'm in trouble

     

    Oh, I've been Dazed and Confused

    From the day I met you

    Yeah, I lost my head

    And I'd do it again

    Either I've seen the light

    Or I'm losing my mind

    There's something 'bout you

    That's got me dazed and confused

     

    Dazed

    Dazed and Confused

    Dazed

     

    I bet you know just what you're doing

    You're not the type that's used to losing

    First, you build me up, then with just a touch

    Leave me here in ruins

    Something 'bout your eyes

    I can't even walk in a straight line

    Under the influence

     

    Oh, I've been Dazed and Confused

    From the day I met you

    Yeah, I lost my head

    And I'd do it again

    Either I've seen the light

    Or I'm losing my mind

    There's something 'bout you

    That's got me Dazed and Confused

     

    Dazed

    Dazed and Confused

    Dazed

     

    I don't know if this is real life, real life

    What happens if I open my eyes, my eyes?

    Will I ever get my head right, head right?

    I don't know if this is real life, real life

     

    Oh, I've been dazed and confused

    From the day I met you

    Yeah, I lost my head

    And I'd do it again

    Either I've seen the light

    Or I'm losing my mind

    There's something 'bout you

    That's got me

     

    That's got me Dazed and Confused

    From the day I met you

    Yeah, I lost my head

    And I'd do it again

    Either I've seen the light

    Or I'm losing my mind

    There's something 'bout you

    That's got me Dazed and Confused

     

    Take On Me (A-ha) - Risk and Reward

     

    We're talking away,

    I don't know what

    I'm to say...

    I'll say it anyway:

    Today's another day to find you,

    Shying away.

    I'll be coming for your love, okay?

     

    Take on me (take on me)

    Take me on (take on me)

    I'll be gone,

    In a day or two.

     

    So, needless to say,

    I'm odds and ends.

    But I'll be,

    Stumbling away,

    Slowly learning that life is okay, though

    Say after me,

    "It's no better to be safe than sorry"

     

    Take on me (take on me)

    Take me on (take on me)

    I'll be gone,

    In a day or two.

     

    The things that you say,

    Oh, is it life, or

    Just to blame my worries away?

    You're all the things I've got to remember.

    You're shying away,

    I'll be coming for you anyway.

     

    Take on me (take on me)

    Take me on (take on me)

    I'll be gone,

    In a day or two.

     

    Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney) - In Love With Your No. 1 Fan

     

    [Intro:]

    I don't want another pretty face

    I don't want just anyone to hold

    I don't want my love to go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

     

    I know that you are something special

    To you I'd be always faithful

    I want to be what you always needed

    Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

     

    [Chorus:]

    I don't want another pretty face

    I don't want just anyone to hold

    I don't want my love to go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

    You're the one I wanna chase

    You're the one I wanna hold

    I won't let another minute go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

    Your beautiful soul, yeah

     

    You might need time to think it over

    But I'm just fine moving forward

    I'll ease your mind

    If you give me the chance

    I will never make you cry c'mon let's try

     

    [Chorus:]

    I don't want another pretty face

    I don't want just anyone to hold

    I don't want my love to go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

    You're the one I wanna chase

    You're the one I wanna hold

    I won't let another minute go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

     

    Am I crazy for wanting you?

    Maybe do you think you could want me too?

    I don't wanna waste your time

    Do you see things the way I do?

    I just wanna know that you feel it too

    There is nothing left to hide

     

    [Chorus:]

    I don't want another pretty face

    I don't want just anyone to hold

    I don't want my love to go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

    You're the one I wanna chase

    You're the one I wanna hold

    I won't let another minute go to waste

    I want you and your soul

     

    I don't want another pretty face

    I don't want just anyone to hold

    I don't want my love to go to waste

    I want you and your beautiful soul

     

    Ooooooo

    Beautiful soul, yeah

     

    Oooooo, yeah

    Your beautiful soul

    Yeah

     

    Midnight City (M83) - Dreaming While Awake

     

    Waiting in the car

    Waiting for a ride in the dark

    At night the night city grows

    Look at the horizon glow

     

    Waiting in the car

    Waiting for a ride in the dark

    Drinking in the lights

    Following the neon signs

     

    Waiting for a word

    Looking at the milky skyline

    The city is my church (city is my church)

    It wraps me in its blinding twilight

     

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for a ride in the dark

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

    Waiting in a car

    Waiting for the right time

     

    Boys Just Want To Have Fun (Team Heartbreak) - Giggles and Gumdrops

     

    (Funny take on Cyndi Lauper’s ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun)

     

    Tongue Tied (Grouplove) - More Than A Memory

     

    Take me to your best friend's house

    Go around this roundabout

    Oh yeah

    Take me to your best friend's house

    I loved you then and I love you now

    Oh yeah

     

    Don't take me tongue tied

    Don't wave no goodbye

    Don't...

    Right!

     

    Take me to your best friend's house

    Marmalade we're making out

    Oh yeah

    Take me to your best friend's house

    I loved you then and I love you now

     

    Don't take me tongue tied

    Don't wave no goodbye

    Don't...

    Right!

     

    One, two, three, four

    Don't leave me tongue tied

    Let's stay up all night

    I'll get real high

    Slumber party; pillow fight

    My eyes on your eyes

    Like Peter Pan up in the sky

    My best friend's house tonight

    Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye

     

    Don't take me tongue tied

    Don't wave no goodbye

    Don't take me tongue tied

    Don't kiss me goodnight

    Don't...

     

    Take me to your best friend's house

    Go around this roundabout

    Oh yeah

    Take me to your best friend's house

    I loved you then and I love you now

     

    [2x]

    Don't leave me tongue tied

    Don't wave no goodbye

    Don't leave me tongue tied

    Don't...

     

    Kiss The Boy (Keiynan Lonsdale) - Momentum

     

    I've been afraid of my place

    Of this way

    Of my feelings

    But I'm amazed at how we talk

    It's so chill

    But there's tension

    What was the deal when your eyes locked on me

    What was the deal when you smiled at me like that

    You see I try to be cool

    But the problem is

     

    You messing my emotions up

    My air gets stuck

    I'm scared to show just how I feel 'cause people talk

    Don't want to worry 'bout whatever

    Just got to know your deal

    See, half the time I'm wondering if this is real

    Why not say something's on my mind if I feel love

    But when the moment's right I freeze

    That's how I know my heart is his

     

    If you want to kiss the boy

    Then you better kiss the boy right now

    You ain't got to be afraid

    Of the words you want to say right now

    'Cause love is a game we deserve to play out loud

    So if you wanna

    Then you better kiss the boy

    Oh, you better kiss the boy right now

     

    Give into love

    Give into love

    Give it the time

    Give it the time

    If it's all a movie

    Then you'll see

    It's only about us two

    But the cost of trust is that you could throw it away

    Maybe it's overrated

    I probably shouldn't chase it

    But I can't stop the crazy within

     

    You messing my emotions up

    My head gets stuck

    I'm scared to show just how I feel 'cause people talk

    Don't want to worry 'bout whatever

    Just got to know your deal

    See, half the time I'm wondering if this is real

    I might not say the one thing on my mind

    'Cause it's too tough

    But we lose our chance when we don't try

    On second thought

    Yeah, I think I might

     

    So if you want to kiss the boy

    Then you better kiss the boy right now

    (right now, right now)

    You ain't got to be afraid

    Of the words you want to say right now

    'Cause love is a game we deserve to play out loud

    So if you wanna

    Then you better kiss the boy

    Oh, you better kiss the boy right now

     

    Don't want to hide

    Don't want to hide

    Most of my life I've been terrified

    Spending my days always questioning

    Am I wrong to love a man

    I realized

    I realized

    Ain't gotta hide this heart of mine

    I'm gonna fight just to let you know

    To open your light and let it glow

     

    So if you want to kiss the boy

    Then you better kiss the boy right now

    (Oh, yeah)

    You ain't gotta be afraid

    Of the words you want to say right now

    (You gotta say it baby)

    'Cause love is a game we deserve to play out loud

    (We deserve our love)

    So if you want to play

    Then you better kiss the boy

    Oh, you better kiss the boy right now

     

    If you want to kiss the boy

    Then you better kiss the boy right now

     

    Obvious (CHPTRS) - Something Better, Something Real

     

    Don’t tell me to calm down.

    Look all around us here

    Fall.  It’s easy to see from down here

    If I’m not swinging then the war is won

     

    Caught beforehand

    falling forward

    All in front of us

    Light bestowed

    the heavens open

    Was it obvious?

     

    Isn’t it obvious?

    You were right in front of me

    with the answer

    with the answer

     

    Sign on the dotted line  

    in the hands of authority now

    All that’s left now is time

     

     

    Touch (Troye Sivan)  - Eight and A Half Minutes

     

    Glow is low and it's dimming

    And the silence is ringing

    And I can almost feel your breath

    I can almost feel the rest

     

    Night is young and we're living

    Hands move, moving steady

    And the time is moving slower

    I can feel we're getting closer, closer

     

    Standing in the eye of the storm

    My eyes start to roam

    To the curl of your lips

    In the center of eclipse

    In total darkness I, I reach out and touch

     

    My mind's gone on racing

    On a horse that's escaping

    And I'm ready to jump,

    Yeah, I'm ready to swim

     

    Life is chances that are taken

    But nothing's ever broken

    They're just pieces on the ground

    New hands need to build them

     

    My mind's gone on running

    My hands cut loose

    Yeah, but there's no need for answers

    Just the things you gotta do

     

    And I need you to trust

    That I'm lost and we must

    Get past all these rules

    We must choose

    To reach out and touch

     

    Standing in the eye of the storm

    My eyes start to roam

    To the curl of your lips

    In the center of eclipse

    In total darkness I, reach out and...

     

    Standing in the eye of the storm

    My eyes start to roam

    To the curl of your lips

    In the center of eclipse

    In total darkness I reach, I reach out and touch

     

    Who We Are (Tristan Prettyman) - The Madness and the Ache

     

    I would grant all your wishes

    If you promised me a thousand kisses

    I will never, love another, like you

    So give me all your secrets

    your fear and doubts, honey you don’t need them

    I will never, find another, like you

    And the airs getting thin

    Where the wings meet the wind

    We see it, we can feel it and we know this

    I believe in something more

    all the days that came before

    led us right to where we are

    right to where we are

    it’s all written in the stars

    we’ve already come so far

    and we can’t change who we are

    ah ah who we are

    ohhhhhhhh who we are

    ohhhhhhhh who we are

    I don’t have all the answers

    but right now is all the matters

    I could never, love another, like I loved you

    And we don’t have to understand

    fate always has the upper hand

    and fate choose me and you

     

    Internet Killed The Video Star (The Limousines) - Counter-Theme

     

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    I try to tell them, "Hey, that drum machine ain't got no soul"

    But they don't want to listen, no

    They think they've heard it all

    They trade those guitars in for drum machines and disco balls

     

    We can't rewind now; we've gone too far

    Internet killed the video star

     

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

     

    You know we never listen; we think we've seen it all

    Like everything we're doing, no one's ever done before

    Did you hear what they said?

    That rock and roll is dead?

    Yeah, it's like a zombie: it will dig itself back up again

     

    Tune in the signal but it's fading

    Some ghost strumming his guitar on the radio

    Singing, "Oh, the glory days are gone

    But everything's okay, 'cause we still love our sex and drugs

    Just like the good ol' days"

     

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

     

    Well, I'm a horrible dancer; I ain't gonna lie

    But I'll be damned if that means that I ain't gonna try

    Yeah, I'm a shitty romancer, baby; I ain't gonna lie

    But I'll be damned if that means that I ain't gonna try

    Get up, get up, get up, and dance

    Get up, get up, get up, and dance

     

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

    The kids are disco-dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    Don't bother telling them that drum machine ain't got no soul

     

    The kids are disco dancing

    They're tired of rock and roll

    They're tired of rock and roll

    They're tired of rock and roll

     

    We can't rewind now; we've gone too far, oh

    The Internet killed the video star

    The Internet killed the video star

    The Internet killed the video star

     

    Obvious (Alternate Version) (CHPTRS) - Love Theme Reprise

     

    Love-in till fade-out.

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    Recent Entries

    Giorge Leedy
    Latest Entry

    I did a lot of research over the years trying to find the cheapest place in the world to live. The cheapest I found was about $500 dollars a month in Vietnam. I had no clue what the cost of living would be in the Philippines when I moved here last February. To my surprise, it is only about $200 dollars a month for a small home and everything I need, including the most important thing; the internet.

     

    I left my job in New York City for several reasons, but the most important one was because I had no retirement plan and needed to start getting serious about my future. So I quit my job and cut off all ties to my paycheck addiction.

     

    Having been here for 10 months, my small savings is about depleted. Facing the real possibility of going broke is scary, but I am not focused on that. I’m focused on succeeding and believe I will, as I have no other choice.

     

    It is said that one of the best ways to motivate oneself to succeed is to cut off all ties to plan B. That is what I did and now I will see if that was a super smart thing to do or extremely foolish.

     

    In moving to the Philippines, my plan was to start an online business here, which I have just begun. Now, I not only need to start earning money to continue surviving, but to move on to my next big adventure; Sicily. My plan is to move to Palermo, where I spent a month 5 years ago. While there, I dated several guys and had a really great time even though I could not speak their language.

     

    Starting a business can be a fairly quick and easy thing to do. But being a creative person who is married to my talents, I could never start just any business. I had to create my business from within- bringing my talents as a writer and artist to life. So while I could have started any business as soon as I got to the Philippines, I have been busy- up to now- creating.

     

    I only recently finished and published my novel, TO BE HIS LIFE - When A Straight Man Strays. The toughest part to get just right was the first interactions and sexual encounters between the main character, Mikey Lane, and the straight guy, Cole Landry. To fully evolve those scenes and Cole's character, I had to write Cole's character using a straight friend I know and love dearly. Once I did that, Cole's character and scenes evolved into what they needed to be. Since doing that, I have made it a rule to always use a real person I know in writing every character and scene, even if it is a minor character- like a waitress. Having done this in this novel, I have created some of the story’s best scenes in the most unlikely places with the most minor characters.

     

    While creating my products to sell took me a long time, that is not the hardest part of starting a business. The hardest part is marketing. I have been doing a lot of studying lately on this to get myself up to speed, but I am still lacking. I wish I had studied marketing long ago. It is something everyone who wants to start a business should do first, as it is what ultimately determines ones success or failure.

     

    I have also done a lot of studying on the law of attraction; aiming to better manifest the things I want to achieve in my life. But I have found some of these teachings problematic. One is that I don’t hear enough teachers telling people to try. Instead, they tell people they must absolutely believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that something is going to happen in order for them to manifest it. That is total bullshit. One of the biggest reasons people fail is because they never try. To succeed, you have to try. I am a high achiever and some of my greatest successes have resulted from facing my fears and doubts and trying to achieve the most difficult things regardless of how impossible they seemed.   

     

    Trying to succeed despite my fears is what I am busy doing right now. Not having enough money to buy a ticket out of the Philippines, I have every reason to be afraid. My back is up against the wall. There is no plan B. This is it. I have to start making money or else.

  17. Carlos Hazday
    Latest Entry

    Twenty years ago today, on December 1, 1998, the Miami-Dade County Commission approved the addition of sexual orientation to the county’s human rights ordinance. The battle many had fought over the past year culminated in victory. A temporary achievement since the hateful Christian Coalition worked to place the decision on the ballot the following year. They lost.

     

    For over a year, I helped increase awareness, raise money, conduct outreach, lobby politicians, debate homophobes, and granted countless interviews to the media. I was called vile names by those professing their Christianity often enough my dislike for the religion became permanent. To this day, any mention of Christian values makes me frown.

     

    On that fateful morning, my boyfriend and I awoke in darkness and were in front of the Commission chambers by sunrise. With hateful chants as background, I spoke to National Public Radio, The New York Times, the Voice of America, Armed Forces Radio, and who knows how many more outlets in both English and Spanish. My fifteen minutes of fame thanks to the marketing people thinking I spoke well and came across as a level-headed individual. Ha! Seeing my name on the front page of the Times and listening to the NPR report the following morning was a thrill. I still have the newspaper and a cassette of the radio show.

     

    However, the most wonderful part of the experience was working with the men and women who made the day’s events possible. Maybe it was not on par with the promise made by the signers of the Declaration of Independence to “mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our Sacred Honor,” but to me it was close. The time and financial commitment made by many propelled us to victory.

     

    Liebe Gadinsky stands out amongst all. The mother of two and her husband became friends, and although we rarely communicate these days, I will treasure the time I spent with them for as long as I live. Liebe and Seth were proof that the fight for our humanity was not limited to GLBT community members, but encompassed caring individuals who felt discrimination was unjust.

     

    Many of you dislike and dismiss political involvement, I read the comments often enough when I posted a story revolving around a presidential campaign. As an aside, my involvement back then influenced much of what I wrote in that book. I would like you all to remember that without drag queens fighting in front of the Stonewall Inn in 1969 or volunteers canvassing throughout Miami in 1998, most of us would be hiding in the back of a closet too scared to live. Go out, give money, volunteer, make phone calls, write letters; do whatever it takes to elect individuals who will not treat us as second-class citizens.

     

    It was the experience of a lifetime and I am grateful I was part of such a momentous event. My participation also allowed me to keep a promise I made when the Anita Bryant-backed forces led to the overturn of a similar ordinance in 1977. I swore that if the issue arose again, I would not remain quiet. I am glad I did not.

     

    I’ll close with Margaret Mead’s words: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has”

     

     

     

    https://www.nytimes.com/1998/12/02/us/2-decades-on-miami-endorses-gay-rights.html

     

  18. Howdy y'all! :hug:  These last few weeks have been busy for me, to say the least.

     

    Without further ado, let's begin!

     

    PHYS 2425: In Week 11, we finished up on waves. My professor went over sound waves, the Doppler Effect, and finally the superposition of waves. In Week 12, we began new material, this time on Temperature. We learned about four different temperature scales: Celsius, Fahrenheit, Kelvin, and Rankine. We then learned how the raising and lowering of temperatures can affect the shape of objects, whether they are solids, liquids, or gases. Speaking of that last phase, my professor also went over the Ideal Gas Law. (And no, @Headstall, it's not how many 'pffts' a day are ideal. :P ) Anyways, Week 12 was also Exam Week for Physics. And... it was difficult. The median score for that exam was 58%. Well over half my class failed the third exam. And honestly, I am surprised that I didn't fail this exam, but it's not worth celebrating given how so few actually passed. Next, we have Week 13, this was Thanksgiving Week, so it would be a short one for classes. The College was open as usual on Monday and Tuesday, and closed at noon on Wednesday. So, in Physics, on Monday, we learned about Heat. And that's it for lectures this week. Wednesday morning, instead of the usual lecture, my professor held an Ask Me Anything for his classes. It was not mandatory, so students could choose to attend or not. I attended and it was really interesting. We ended up asking him about black holes, dark energy and dark matter. And, it just shows that is PhD was well deserved.

     

    MATH 2414: Week 11 was basically a review on what we learned since Exam 1, because Exam 2 was coming up. My teacher told us that this exam would be long, so it wouldn't be held during class, but would be taken in the Testing Center, which gives us as much time as we need to finish it. And as it turned out, it took me four hours to finish the second exam. Week 12 is when thing got interesting. We learned about the Indeterminate Form of the Limit, which led us to learning about L'Hopital's Rule. Basically, Indeterminate Forms are limits equal things like 0/0 or infinity over infinity. L'Hopital's rule simply state's that the limit (as x approaches c) of f(x)/g(x) is equal to the the limit (as x approaches c) of f'(x)/g'(x). In short, if you take the derivative of the numerator and of the denominator, you can find the limit that isn't in an indeterminate form. Next, we learned about Improper integrals, and how to use the limit to solve them. Then, in Week 12 things got really interesting. We learned about infinite sequences. And then, Week 13 came along... @Parker Owens Can you guess what we learned next?

    Spoiler

    Series

     

    These next few weeks are gonna be fun! :D 

     

    ENGR 1201: During Week 11, we prepared for an Exam on Universal Units. (Can y'all see the pattern here?) Then in Week 12, we took the exam and I got an A on it! Finally, on Monday of Week 13, we went to a computer lab to work on a computer program called MATLAB. Apparently it does things better than a graphing calculator so I was intrigued. But... the computers wouldn't work as they were supposed to. So, those plans were scrapped. Instead, she had us work on our design projects.

     

    Question: In regards to Physics, on Exam 1, the median score was 66, on Exam 2 it was 69, and on Exam 3 it was 58. The teacher has the responsibility to teach the material and the student has the responsibility to study that material. The question is, who has greater responsibility, the teacher or the student? Or do they bear equal responsibility. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

     

    Finally: I'm now registered for Spring 2019. I'll be taking the following classes:

    • Principles of Physics II
    • Calculus III
    • Differential Equations
    • Engineering Mechanics I (Statics)

     

    I'm looking forward to next semester!

  19. I haven't been around much, but then, over the course of the last year, I haven't really done much in the way of writing. Most day, I feel like as soon as I get started i'm too tired to keep going and when I read what I wrote it reads like gibberish to me. For awhile there, I started to think that I shouldn't bother anymore, but then story ideas started flowing on to storyboards around my office, and I decided to leave the cork boards up to see if anything got done. Ech, it's slow, but something is trying to emerge. its funny, because some days I will have all these ideas and inspiration, but the get up and go dies right out of the gate and meh, its easier to sit in my easy chair beside my dog and watch tv instead of create something. I probably need to get out more and most likely rambling here, but a few weeks back I remembered how much I used to look forward to popping in here, hanging out on the chat and in the forums and interacting with people, and kicked myself for letting time get so far away from me. This whole year has felt like it's slipped away, or maybe it was just the meds I've been on making things seem out of sorts, I don't know i'm still trying to figure that part out. anyway, I'm back, put up a new story, fingers crossed I finish it. If anyone wanted to read anything else I've done that's not here, you can find it under Layla Dorine, there's some novels and stories and stuff out there. Happy reading. Drop me a line and say hi if you'd like, I need to crawl back out of my shell again. 

     

    The Places You Enter

     

     

    Tell me what you fear

    And I’ll tell you what I am

    What you are

    what is coming

    Prophesy

    My white eye sees death

    My green one the depth of your shriveled soul

    I walk paths of cobblestone

    Footsteps splashing puddles

    tracing echoes of memory

    Shattered by cawing  crows

    Black wings tipped with red

    Fluttering

    Falling without souls to curry

    No words to carry on

    I ride nightmares in a distant holler

    Searching for a place to hide

    To change

    grow

    shifting

    Evolving

    You know you can’t destroy me

    Killing what I am

    Would be killing what you’ll be

    When it all crashes to an end

    Enter

    Hold the door

    what you gain

    may be less

    than what you leave behind

     

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    Frost: Hot and Cold Book 2 by [Nilsson, Märit]

     

    https://www.amazon.com/Frost-Hot-Cold-Book-2-ebook/dp/B07KCJC838/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

     

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    Thank you all again for all your support and kind words!

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