Met my ex today. Total disaster. Well, he's leaving for Belgium in 3 days. I'm just glad.

Well, just a little background why I don't like him at all.

We started the relationship (well, i don't consider it a relationship, i'd say it's f**k buddies, but obviously he thought otherwise) when I was recovering from a crush on a straight buddy. (I know, I know! Don't crush on your straight buudy.) So I'd consider him more like a buoy, or so we call it. It's like you were drowning in a past misery and you desperately want another relationship to help you not-drown. So that's how I see it. He was a buoy.

I didn't love him, not at all. I know it's really bad of me, but I told him we'd separate the moment I realized that I was using him. At that moment, he said "okay then", and we "broke up". In a later email he sent me, he said, and I quote, "...I know we've broken up..." Well, I thought it was the end of our affair and we'd be friends.

That was more like what I thought. The thing was, three months after we ended the affair, he appeared at the door of my dorm building and said we needed to talk. I thought twas okay. But when we sat down and talked, he kept saying that we were still in a relationship. I was like "What!?" He kept saying that he never agreed to break up and stuff. Just crazy talking. I got so furious that I just walked away.

After that, he kept calling me in odd hours, like three or four in the morning and ask if I wanna f**k. It was just annoying.

And today, when we met, I found myself so calm that it scared me. And through the calmness that I truly saw how abusive his words actually was. Every time he talkd about me, they were some degrading words. It was always like "you're this bad" or "you're too feminine for your own good." But I just blocked them away. I gave him the cold treatment and just ignored his words. And it made me realize the few months I had been with him were so crazy. I had let meself be so vulnerable and took all his abusive words in. And it made me realize the reason I felt so connected with Josh (Duncan Ryder's character in Everybody's Wounded. BTW, the story is fab, Duncan.)

So all in all, I'm just glad he's leaving and be out of my life.