[Menzo] The Unbearable Heaviness of Being by Menzoberranzen

[C James]

The Unbearable Heaviness of Being by Menzoberranzen

 

 

:nuke: :nuke: Spoilers Below!!! :nuke: :nuke:

[Graeme]

Wow!

 

First, we're taken into the history of the narrator, from the early days when he leaves a friend so he can protect himself. It was only a broken window, but he still couldn't face up to shared responsibility, because he felt the punishment wouldn't be shared fairly.

 

Next, the narrator walks out on his best friend because he couldn't face that the narrator couldn't accept that another boy could love him.

 

The third memory was where the narrator walked away, rather than admit he's gay. He'd progressed to the point of being able to say he loved another boy, but he couldn't take the next step, instead he refused to face it.

 

The fourth memory still has the narrator leaving, though we don't know the reason. The preceding paragraph talked about courage -- was it the courage to walk a difficult path through life?

 

It made me sad to realise that even at the end of the story, the unnamed narrator was still running away. He was still fleeing his friend with the turquoise eyes.

 

I felt arms squeeze me tighter, and I felt love wash over me

[CarlHoliday]

Damn! This is good!

 

The choices we make through life creating the final path we follow. Does it have to be permanent? Can't we go back? Is the love of today so precious we can't dash it upon the rocks and go back to an earlier love, the love of our dreams? His lover pulls him away from that past, the past he yearns for, the past he knows he may not be a part of ever again.

 

Sad.

 

Black and white, with a bit of turquoise.

 

Thanks for the great story.

 

 

Carl

[jkeeling]

Wow...

 

Deep. That is a very heavy burden of depression to have to bear.

[Bardeara]

Wow... this story actually makes me almost want to open my mouth and admit something I've been holding back on, but I won't because I shouldn't. Somethings are meant to be not spoken, yet this dude, in your story mate needs to really be smacked upside the head until he finally open his mouth properly.

 

Well done, very emotionally descriptive. I was just hopping that at the end he would take the road he hadn't taken.

[Menzoberranzen]

Wow... this story actually makes me almost want to open my mouth and admit something I've been holding back on, but I won't because I shouldn't. Somethings are meant to be not spoken, yet this dude, in your story mate needs to really be smacked upside the head until he finally open his mouth properly.

 

Well done, very emotionally descriptive. I was just hopping that at the end he would take the road he hadn't taken.

 

Awww, now I'm curious.

 

Graeme, the narrator felt he couldn't return his friends love because he was too guilt-ridden over the mistakes he'd made in the past. The end was supposed to show him being haunted by his past, not being given another opportunity. Sometimes we know what road we should take, but even with that knowledge we can't make ourselves do it.

 

It was written to be an abstract tragedy; yes the narrator was foolish, but if you didn't feel sorry for his inability to escape from what he'd done, then I think I failed in my objective. We all make choices we regret, and sometimes we can't reverse what's been done.

 

Thanks for the comments guys, I'm glad you liked it.

 

Menzo

[Graeme]

Graeme, the narrator felt he couldn't return his friends love because he was too guilt-ridden over the mistakes he'd made in the past. The end was supposed to show him being haunted by his past, not being given another opportunity. Sometimes we know what road we should take, but even with that knowledge we can't make ourselves do it.

 

It was written to be an abstract tragedy; yes the narrator was foolish, but if you didn't feel sorry for his inability to escape from what he'd done, then I think I failed in my objective. We all make choices we regret, and sometimes we can't reverse what's been done.

That was one of the possibilities I saw, so it's nice to have it confirmed. We're the sum of our actions and past, and that's clear in this case -- he's unable to go back because he thinks he's burnt too many bridges. I did feel sorry for him, but also for those around him. Both his old and his new love -- neither is getting what they want.

 

Thanks again, Menzo!

[Krista]

Hey.

 

My goodness Menzo... I read this story twice before I decided to comment on it.. lol.. I read it and then immediately read it again because I liked it and really the first time I couldn't think of a way to comment. Now after the second time all I can say about your story is that I feel so sorry for the Narrator. He is haunted by a love that he never understood enough to act on. Now that he is confident in himself, I'm assuming that the owner of those haunting turquoise eyes is no longer there. The narrator needs a resolution that isn't going to happen, and that is just a terribly depressing tragedy, especially when that resolution would mean finally returning the love he feels, for the person he loves. I also enjoyed the references to colors throughout the story.

 

 

Anyway, awesome story.

 

Krista

[Ieshwar]

The first story I read and I definitely don

[Menzoberranzen]

The first story I read and I definitely don't regret it. After 'The Pecularity of Obsession', I was really looking forward for more from Menzo. And I'm not disappointed at all.

 

The imagery, the way the emotions has been told

[Razor]

Sweet baby zombie Jesus on a pogo stick with peanut butter crackers.

 

 

~twitches~ Menzo, on a scale of merit, this is without argument amazing.

 

On a scale of how much I like it? I love it and I hate it so much I wish I hadn't read it. It just ouches. It's like a nihilist snapshot, it's just painful. It doesn't even have the nice insulation of a nihilist snapshot, where at least you'd have some numbness knowing that it didn't actually mean anything, it's more of like... I don't think I have a word for it.

 

It's good, Menzo, but like I said it just makes me cringe. That part of me that has a compulsive need for fixing people and making everything okay just does not like the story.

 

Also, I gotta say, you have a delicious vocabulary. Now, if we could just persuade you to drop those annoying English spellings, it'd be great.

 

~sigh~ It was really good, but I still feel lonely from reading it. Makes me wanna go cuddle that ignoramous I'm enamored with. ~nods~ 'Cept then, it'd make me wonder what was going through his head, which would make me nervous, which would make me start asking weird questions, which would lead into a whole treasure trove of weirdness. Damn it, Menzo! I'm giving you an ultimatum! You will write more having to do with this paradoxically austere boy, and you will resolve the conflict, and you will do it to the satisfaction of those of us who have mushy, touchy feely emotions! Or I will rally a group to kidnap you, then hold you until you do so. Ever read Stephen King's Misery? Yeah, that was a hint. Rawr.

 

 

 

Seriously I loved it... but God it made me sad. 9.8 out of 10.

[YaP]

shivers

that is a very intense story, Menzo ! And well written !

And i like intense stories...

i am at a loss of words.. but at least i wanted to say "wow" and.. well done.. and, well what the others said above...

thanks for sharing !

i think i have to read it again right now...

[Menzoberranzen]

Sweet baby zombie Jesus on a pogo stick with peanut butter crackers.

 

 

~twitches~ Menzo, on a scale of merit, this is without argument amazing.

 

On a scale of how much I like it? I love it and I hate it so much I wish I hadn't read it. It just ouches. It's like a nihilist snapshot, it's just painful. It doesn't even have the nice insulation of a nihilist snapshot, where at least you'd have some numbness knowing that it didn't actually mean anything, it's more of like... I don't think I have a word for it.

 

It's good, Menzo, but like I said it just makes me cringe. That part of me that has a compulsive need for fixing people and making everything okay just does not like the story.

 

Also, I gotta say, you have a delicious vocabulary. Now, if we could just persuade you to drop those annoying English spellings, it'd be great.

 

~sigh~ It was really good, but I still feel lonely from reading it. Makes me wanna go cuddle that ignoramous I'm enamored with. ~nods~ 'Cept then, it'd make me wonder what was going through his head, which would make me nervous, which would make me start asking weird questions, which would lead into a whole treasure trove of weirdness. Damn it, Menzo! I'm giving you an ultimatum! You will write more having to do with this paradoxically austere boy, and you will resolve the conflict, and you will do it to the satisfaction of those of us who have mushy, touchy feely emotions! Or I will rally a group to kidnap you, then hold you until you do so. Ever read Stephen King's Misery? Yeah, that was a hint. Rawr.

 

 

 

Seriously I loved it... but God it made me sad. 9.8 out of 10.

 

I'm not big on writing happy things. All three of the anthology entries I've submitted have been fairly bleak in different ways. I'm also not prone to writing about characters I've introduced in previous stories, so unless you find and kidnap me (which might be interesting...) then you probably won't get to read more about this boy. Suffice it to say he lived a long, depressing life without ever finding love or happiness. Does that make it better?

 

And you'll notice that I spelt 'grey' in the American fashion, 'gray.'

 

Thanks for the comments,

 

Menzo

[Benji]

I'm not big on writing happy things. All three of the anthology entries I've submitted have been fairly bleak in different ways. I'm also not prone to writing about characters I've introduced in previous stories, so unless you find and kidnap me (which might be interesting...) then you probably won't get to read more about this boy. Suffice it to say he lived a long, depressing life without ever finding love or happiness. Does that make it better?

 

And you'll notice that I spelt 'grey' in the American fashion, 'gray.'

 

Thanks for the comments,

 

Menzo

 

..................Remember Stephen King's "Misery"

[Menzoberranzen]

..................Remember Stephen King's "Misery"

 

Don't read Stephen King and choose not to look it up on wikipedia, so I'll just assume that Jamie will be miserable unless I write more

[Krista]

Don't read Stephen King and choose not to look it up on wikipedia, so I'll just assume that Jamie will be miserable unless I write more

 

 

No! Don't ruin the story by making it happy.. lol. Characters that are suffering makes for good reading too. It's ok to let Jamie suffer a bit.

 

Anyway, I just now noticed that you have some stories on eFiction so I'll get to those shortly.

 

Krista

[Hylas]

Suffice it to say he lived a long, depressing life without ever finding love or happiness. Does that make it better?

 

 

I do feel sorry for his current partner.

 

I like abstract stories with more focus on feelings than actual plot, but I wasn't sure about having half a story set in a dream.

 

Well, it worked. You left me depressed heh.

 

Great story!

 

P.S. Stephen King has the best characters in an author I've ever known. You can't help but feel even for those characters who die early on. I think you should try reading a bit of him, even though the hype around has kinda ruined his appeal somewhat. He's still a brilliant storyteller.

 

Eric (Forever Stephen King fan)

[FrenchCanadian]

Umm, I'm kinda speechless here, in a good way. the first word that comes to mind is very intense.

 

The narration is very well done. I simply love the way I could get into the story.

 

In short, I simply love the way it was written and the story is nice, somewhat sad, but I like it that way. It's a good thing that you did choose to submit that story.