Funny but true

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi all,

 

Often the funniest things are the things which happen in real life. That's why I thought it would be a fun idea to create a thread for us to recount the amusing stories that had happened in our own lives.

 

I've got lots, but here's a recent one:

 

I went back to Louisiana several weeks ago to visit my very good friend Amanda. When I lived in the city we were in we used to go out weekly for margaritas and cheese dip and vent about our weeks and chat about our upcoming plans. Anyway, naturally when I went back to visit we relieved the old 'glory days'. Well, after leaving the restaurant it was mutually decided that we'd enjoy a bottle of wine once we got back to her house. Only problem was we needed a corkscrew. So we stopped at a drug store to pick one up. As we were checking out the following exchange occurred:

 

Cashier to Amanda: "Oh those shoes are so cute! Where did you get them?"

 

Amanda: "Thanks, I love shoes and these are so comfortable too!"

 

So the cashier smiles and looks expectantly at her waiting to find out where she purchased these delightful pumps. She says nothing. The stockboy glances at her, evidently curious about her lack of response. She still says nothing. Finally I grow impatient and uncomfortable

 

Me: "Well aren't you going to tell her?"

 

Amanda: "Tell her what?"

 

Me: "Where you got the shoes"

 

Amanda: "I love shoes," she reiterates simply.

 

Finally realization dawns on her and she starts laughing. As she looks at the three of us, all quite confused, she explains that the name of the little boutique where she purchased them was in fact "I Love Shoes".

[Dion]

Hmm... the only thing that comes to mind is once when I was hanging with a friend (this was a long time ago) and she told me she wanted to stop in to visit someone else on our way to... wherever we were going.

 

So we went in the house, introductions were made all around and suddenly, out of nowhere, this little white teacup poodle launches himself at me and starts barking and trying to lick my... ankles. I did say 'teacup poodle'.

 

Anyway, I'm trying to be a good guest (even though I don't particularly like dogs) so I said to the hostess "Nice dog. What's his name?"

 

"Ask him," she replies. The poodle barked.

 

I, being a little slow on the uptake, bent down and said "What's your name, little fella?" (Yes, I really am that dense.) The dog just sat there with his tongue lolling out, laughing at my inferior IQ.

 

The hostess came to stand beside me. "Uh... no," she ventured. "His name is 'Askim'." Whereupon the dog barked again.

 

My friend, needless to say, never let me forget that I was defeated by a dog trick.

[Benji]

...............To amuse myself when driving around with my young daughter we played stupid games. You know like the 'slug bug' game, where the first one to spot a VW calls out 'slugbug'. One day we were driving on Flag Day, so my daughter (7yrs old I think) started calling 'Flag' for every one she saw. She pointed and shouted 'flag' as we passed a young teenage boy on the sidewalk. Well, the boy obviously misunderstood what she said, as he cussed, flipping us off while jumping up and down. My laughter only added to my daughters confusion. Edited July 9, 2008 by Benji

[jfalkon]

Once when I was in school, one of my classmates was eating nuts. He put the bag down next to a computer and started typing. His friend came and sat down next to him. Seeing the bag he asked, "Can I have a handfull of your nuts?"

 

His friend smiled at him and said "Sure."

 

A second went by and all of us started laughing.

[MikeL]

Believe it or not, the military is a laugh riot.

 

Once while in basic training, I was on KP duty (no, it's not punishment). The mess sergeant told one of the other recruits, "Get down that big pot and fill it half full of water. Then take all these eggs and put them in the water. Be careful." When the mess sergeant came back from smoking a cigarette, he found that the soldier had very carefully cracked each egg (a case of 30 dozen) into the water. That is believed to be the only time in U S Army history that basic trainees were served poached eggs for breakfast. We were still laughing about it when we graduated two months later.

[rknapp]

Have any of you ever changed a supercharger pully? One of the ways you increased power in a supercharged engine, such as those found in the higher trim levels of my car, the Grand Prix, is to reduce the size of the pulley on the end of the supercharger. Well, being a member of several Grand Prix online communities, I have attended several "mod days" and in one of these gatherings a member who had this engine wanted to install a smaller pulley. I arrived as the group of guys was getting ready to install the new pulley, which requires A LOT of force. One guy was installing the pulley while another instructed him. It went like this:

 

Instructor: "Okay now hit it... harder... come on use your whole body, hit it! Harder!"

 

By this time many of us are snickering and the guy goes, "That's it! Smack that ass bitch! Bang it hard!!"

 

We eventually got it installed, and the increase in power was evident when he was able to do long burnouts on his street without trying (couldn't do full throttle runs until the engine computer was tuned for the smaller pulley).

 

Later that day we had two cars nose to nose. One was having new headers installed while the other was having major engine surgery to replace a bad gasket. Each car had one guy kneeling on the motor, his butt facing the other guys butt as they worked near the windshield and firewall. Of course we took a picture. LOL

 

Cars are dirty. You to have to hammer, screw, pull, shove, force, grease, twist, yank, pound, slam, blow, suck, and other such dirty words to make them run right, hahaha.

[Drewbie]

Hehe, I like cars as well, I don't know how to fix everything on a car as you do or as knowledgeable,

 

 

As for working on cars, there are many gay "connections"

 

Don't forget Lube and service

Edited July 27, 2008 by Drewbie

[jfalkon]

I work at a school. Because of this I am witness to many silly behaviors. One day I was in a physics lab. The experiment being done involved a presure sensor hooked up to a computer. Leading to the presure sensor was a tube. At one point I looked over to see what one noissy group was doing and found that one of the students had the tube in his mouth. The computer was recording small presure fluctuations while the rest of the group watched. Then the student with the tube removed it from his mouth and asked, "Wait. Should I be sucking or blowing?"

[jfalkon]

This stuff seems to always happen to me. Here's another one for the thread:

 

After about 10 years of driving the Los Angeles freeway system I have developed a pretty good sense of direction. The one thing that still throws me is road construction. Today I was driving to see a performance. I was late already and the rerouting of trafic did not help. I missed most of what I wanted to see but at least I got to spend some time with a friend. On the way home I drove to where there had been an onramp a few months ago. There were road cones in the middle of the street but nothing to indicate that the ramp was closed. I drove up slowly only to find that the ramp was completely gone. There was a deep trench where the pavement had been. If I had been distracted I would have done some impromptu off roading. I'm not sure if this is truly funny or just weird but if you find yourself trying to get on the 405 freeway off of Culver Blvd watch out!

[J_Ross]

Apparently, I think that all people in echo hoodie's with cute shaved blonde heads are Laura and when I saw the back of that hoodie and the back of a similar head, I went rushing up, wrapped my arms around the waist of some person and touched them in very inappropriate places.

 

And since I lack that whole brain-mouth filter, the first thing I said when a strange man turned to look at me was, 'Oh, you have a penis'. Not 'sorry' or 'my bad'...even 'oops' would have been great. But no, I said 'Oh, you have a penis'. And when he gave me a look like he sort of thought I should be in a mental institute somewhere instead of wandering around airports unsupervised, I followed my comment with 'It's...nice. Uhm...hefty, even.'

 

Hefty? Seriously? I'm a spazz.

 

Laura, who wasn't even wearing that god forsaken hoodie and had a hat on to cover her head, saw the entire thing.

 

Laura: Hefty?

Me: I hate you and I'm buying you a new hoodie.

Laura: And why would you even touch me like that in public?

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Laura: *frown* Right.

 

We hate each other most days. *shrug*

 

I embarrass myself on a daily basis. It's sad.

Edited September 13, 2008 by J.Ross

[Excuse]

Apparently, I think that all people in echo hoodie's with cute shaved blonde heads are Laura and when I saw the back of that hoodie and the back of a similar head, I went rushing up, wrapped my arms around the waist of some person and touched them in very inappropriate places.

 

And since I lack that whole brain-mouth filter, the first thing I said when a strange man turned to look at me was, 'Oh, you have a penis'. Not 'sorry' or 'my bad'...even 'oops' would have been great. But no, I said 'Oh, you have a penis'. And when he gave me a look like he sort of thought I should be in a mental institute somewhere instead of wandering around airports unsupervised, I followed my comment with 'It's...nice. Uhm...hefty, even.'

 

Hefty? Seriously? I'm a spazz.

 

Laura, who wasn't even wearing that god forsaken hoodie and had a hat on to cover her head, saw the entire thing.

 

Laura: Hefty?

Me: I hate you and I'm buying you a new hoodie.

Laura: And why would you even touch me like that in public?

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Laura: *frown* Right.

 

We hate each other most days. *shrug*

 

I embarrass myself on a daily basis. It's sad.

 

That is BRILLIANT!

[Former Member]

Funny but true stories.... Lol just hop on over to GA Live Chat whenever i'm there i tell the guys all kinds of stories. They call in "The Adventures Of Mattie" My 1 real life friend tells me i need to film myself like have a camera crew and everything and put it on youtube.

[PlugInMatty]

didn't happen to me, but anyway...

 

The night of December 27, 1989 was a big night for a friend of mine.

 

A young, sprightly 18 year old in his late-80s prime, my friend went out for a few drinks and ended up bringing home a lady friend, who he entertained for the remainder of the evening. After partaking in the usual late-80s activities, my friend cleaned himself up and fell asleep in the company of his new lady friend. Approximately 10.27am the next morning, my friend was at it again as the sunlight streamed through the window of his Newcastle apartment. Nearing an exciting conclusion, my friend suddenly feels the bed move, jerking violently as the lamp crashes to the floorboards at his bedside. But not the least bit deterred, my friend reaches an explosive climax and collapses into the arms of his now-very-shaken new lady friend.

 

He plants a kiss on her cheek and whispers...

 

"Did the earth just move for you, too?"

 

This event later became known as the Newcastle earthquake of 1989.