The Instant Hook-Up

[Happiness is Key]

Now dont get me wrong, I love when two characters get together. But I think i prefer the lead up to such an event, and as such i find myself getting increasingly turned off by stories that within the first chapter have the two leads, *Or however you classify them* get together.

 

It just seems a tad unrealistic and I know that stories arent always of the realistic sort but I guess thats how I feel.

 

Oh, the point of this topic?

 

Well I'd like to hear others thoughts so just throw in your two-cents, if you think there's a well founded excuse for a speedy relationship. Or not.

 

I know I've been guilty of doing that in some of my stories as well so I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here.

 

-M

[Cynical Romantic]

Depends on the story.

[corvus]

Depends on the story.

 

lol... Brevity is the soul of -- in this case -- wisdom.

 

I very much agree with CR. It depends on the characters of the story and the situation they're in. It is certainly not unrealistic that the men and women (or boys and girls) nowadays to have sex on first dates or to have hookups. In fact, there's been some scholarship on the hook-up-then-have-relationship-later "phenomenon" or "trend." If anyone's interested, I can provide links.

 

However, speedy sex does not a relationship make. Or rather, it does make a relationship -- that of sexual partners becoming acquaintances and perhaps a couple. But the emotional development still takes time. Then again, it is possible to fall in love with someone on first f**k. The bottom line, in any case, is that hooking up on initial encounters certainly isn't realistic, but the kind of emotional closeness and depth characterizing mature relationships needs time to develop, regardless of how much or how little sex is involved.

[Mark Arbour]

Depends on the story.

 

Hilarious. I was going to post exactly the same comment.

[David McLeod]

That so many of us have been taught to expect instant gratification is likely to find its way into our stories. Further, many of us who write think we have to grab the reader's attention quickly, and an instant hook-up is certainly one way to do it. It's also an easy way (and I've certainly shown that I'm lazy enough to take the easy way ). And, this is probably one of the cliches (that are the subject of another thread).

[Graeme]

I like realism in stories, too, so it is up to the author to make it realistic. From what Matt has posted, most of the stories he's been reading, the author has failed to do that.

 

After giving it some thought, I can think of a few scenarios where an instant hook up can occur:

 

1. Casual sex between strangers that leads to a deeper relationship (with all the complications that occur because it was sex first and relationship second).

 

2. The story is starting in the middle of the relationship, where there is obviously a lot of history before the story starts, and something has triggered the people involved to take the final step.

 

3. One of the two is working as a prostitute (a variation of scenario 1 above).

 

4. They're on the set of a porn movie (another variation of scenario 1 above).

 

Otherwise, though, I think it's unrealistic for sex to occur soon after when two people meet.

[Dolores Esteban]

I agree. It depends on the story. And, I think it's not entirely unrealistic for sex to occur on the first date. I think it's very realistic. But sex on the first date does not necessarily lead to a relationship. So, yes, it depends on the story and the intentions of the author of that story.

[DomLuka]

Now dont get me wrong, I love when two characters get together. But I think i prefer the lead up to such an event, and as such i find myself getting increasingly turned off by stories that within the first chapter have the two leads, *Or however you classify them* get together.

 

It just seems a tad unrealistic and I know that stories arent always of the realistic sort but I guess thats how I feel.

 

Oh, the point of this topic?

 

Well I'd like to hear others thoughts so just throw in your two-cents, if you think there's a well founded excuse for a speedy relationship. Or not.

 

I know I've been guilty of doing that in some of my stories as well so I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here.

 

-M

 

 

It sounds like you like foreplay. Personally I tend to stick with a story longer if there

[Cynical Romantic]

Yep, okay, that was my brief answer. Here's my longer one. It depends on a lot of things about the story, for instance:

 

- The age and experience level of the characters. The young and/or inexperienced may wait a bit longer before jumping each other's bones. Or, to borrow a shopworn cliche, "first times take time".

 

- The circumstances in which they meet. Is it a casual office flirtation that builds up for months before the characters do something about it? Is it a hookup in a bar, beer googles optional? A typical Hollywood "meet-cute"? A lifelong friendship that develops into more? Obviously, the circumstances determine the amount of build-up.

 

- What role the sex plays in the story. It doesn't have to *be* the story. More often, it's a side note to the actual story being told. After all, while (good) sex can the most fascinating thing in the world if you're the one having it, it's not actually all that interesting to read about most of the time. Personally I'd rather read a really good story than a really good sex scene. (But what do I know, I'm a chick )

 

- The plot itself. After all, sex can bring people together, push them apart, or make them run screaming. It can break up relationships. It can complicate things. It can do an awful lot. The best place for a sex scene in your story is the place where it makes sense, plot-wise. That can be at the beginning, in the middle, at the end, at all of those points, or at none of them.

 

- The characters and their own issues. Are you writing about a sociopathic predator-type who looks for vulnerable people to hook up with for self-gratification? Is your character a victim of abuse who is acting out with promiscuity? Is your character playing the field because he's free at college for the first time after growing up in a strict religious household where he was in the closet, and he's enjoying his newfound freedom a bit too much? Or maybe you're writing about a character who was badly hurt by his ex-boyfriend and wants to take things slowly. Think about who your characters are, where they're at in their heads, and ask them what they're likely to do in a given scene.

 

- Whether opportunity knocks. Are your characters living with their parents with no opportunity to be alone together anywhere? Or did they meet at a singles resort in the Caribbean or Bali, on a beach wearing nothing but swimsuits and holding martinis? Carpe diem, right?

 

- Lots of other things I haven't mentioned here.

 

Hmmm, all that to say... Depends on the story. I could've just said that, I suppose. (Oh wait, I did).

[David McLeod]

Yep, okay, that was my brief answer. Here's my longer one. It depends on a lot of things about the story...What role the sex plays in the story. It doesn't have to *be* the story. More often, it's a side note to the actual story being told. After all, while (good) sex can the most fascinating thing in the world if you're the one having it, it's not actually all that interesting to read about most of the time. Personally I'd rather read a really good story than a really good sex scene. (But what do I know, I'm a chick )

 

I'd say you know a great deal, but what do I know, I'm a guy. Seriously, though, the notion that sex doesn't have to be the story, but a part of a good story, is, imho, especially important to good fiction. There has to be so much more than sex: plot, conflict, yearning, humor, angst, to name a few. Further, as I've said before, I'm absolutely convinced that readers' imaginations, especially when it comes to sex scenes, are much better than my writing skills. Just because all my stories to date are set in a fantasy world where guy sex is the norm doesn't mean they can't be read as "just stories."

[kitten]

Seriously, though, the notion that sex doesn't have to be the story, but a part of a good story, is, imho, especially important to good fiction. There has to be so much more than sex: plot, conflict, yearning, humor, angst, to name a few.

 

I'd take this a step further...

a good story doesn't need any sex at all - it doesn't even need any hint of sexual desire or yearning.

 

Kit

[Dolores Esteban]

I definitely agree.

 

But, you know, sex sells.

[hh5]

Maybe one of the reasons for early on sex is part of the "Seize the moment"

 

Since teens can count time in the tenths of the seconds - they would see they miss marking their mate.

 

But because of drama or comedy interruptions - they have to find another moment to have it - tension builds - hormones screams!!

 

Unless the characters have a low hormones or suffered trauma - sex takes a longer route.

 

Aren't we lucky we're not in the 50s - where parents band together to pratically sterilize the dating and marriage rituals. hehehe Separate Beds for married couples.

 

Someday, the norm may gauge if sex hasn't occured in the first four paragraphs.

Its must be from an ancient era.

[S.L. Lewis]

Okay, coming in late, but hey, sick. I'm excused.

 

Anyways, like it's been said, it depends on the story.

 

I have one story called 'Honey Drops' that will have sex before a real relationship happens, because it fits the plot. It helps set a base for the world and how it works and how certain characters are treated.

 

Another story, this one never being posted unless I get a rejection letter from publishers (*bats eyes cutely*), won't have sex. It's about the plot. But it'll still have that sexual undertone and at the end, the characters will be getting together, but that's because they have a solid foundation.

 

Again, it depends on the story.

[AFriendlyFace]

I very much agree with CR. It depends on the characters of the story and the situation they're in. It is certainly not unrealistic that the men and women (or boys and girls) nowadays to have sex on first dates or to have hookups. In fact, there's been some scholarship on the hook-up-then-have-relationship-later "phenomenon" or "trend." If anyone's interested, I can provide links.

Please do, I always enjoy reading about those sorts of social phenomena.

 

2. The story is starting in the middle of the relationship, where there is obviously a lot of history before the story starts, and something has triggered the people involved to take the final step.

For me this is one of the best 'reasons' for having sex early on in a story. If you're writing about people who have been in a relationship awhile it isn't at all unrealistic that they're having sex. I personally started my story Indefensible with two sets of couples having sex in the first chapter. I had a specific reasons and it was to highlight differences in the lives of my characters, where and who they were, etc. But the two couples were both serious couples.

 

 

In general do I think "instant hook-ups" are unrealistic? No, not at all. It depends on the situation though. I think it's unrealistic to have two characters who have never met cross paths in a non-sexual environment and suddenly be having sex, or even get on the topic at all. If on the other hand they meet in a bar, or online, then I think it's very realistic that they might have sex right away. You have to keep in mind what the characters' likely motivation is. Someone who walks into the grocery store to buy toilet paper and milk isn't expecting sex, won't be on the look out for it, and probably won't be especially receptive to the suggestion. Someone on a hook-up site, or even just in a bar, might very much be wanting and hoping to have sex and will definitely be on the look out for it.

 

If you instead start with the premise that the characters know each other already and are having a first date, then it may or may not be realistic depending on the characters themselves. Some people are willing to have sex on the first date, some are disinclined to do so. I think it just needs to match with the way the characters are written.

 

Apart from strangers having sex as the result of unlikely encounters and circumstances I think one of the most unrealistic things an author can do is have the characters both fall instantly and deeply in love with each other. Yeah that's believable, two presumably stable adults crossing paths in the produce section, deciding to get it on in the parking lot, and then professing their undying love and commitment to each other.

 

In general I'm more put off by this fast love phenomenon in stories. "Oh we've only just met, but as soon as I looked into your eyes I knew we'd be together forever." How romantic ...and utterly preposterous. Even if people do fall in love that fast - and I suppose some people do - they aren't generally likely to take such a huge step and be that direct and vulnerable with the other person. Besides, even if they tried I don't think they'd be as emotional articulate and certainly not as sugary sweet. What's even less believable is when the other person feels exactly the same way, is completely comfortable and confident about this sudden impact love, and responds in kind.

 

I'd only buy that if it were really well-written and the author portrayed the characters as naive and desperate for love. I'd then expect a host of problems to develop for this couple over the remainder of the book. Not crazy, external problems, but direct problems involving the relationship itself.

 

So yeah, instant hook-ups can be very unrealistic, but I'm even more shocked - most of the time - by instant "love."

 

-Kevin

Edited February 21, 2009 by AFriendlyFace

[J_Ross]

In general I'm more put off by this fast love phenomenon in stories. "Oh we've only just met, but as soon as I looked into your eyes I knew we'd be together forever." How romantic ...and utterly preposterous. Even if people do fall in love that fast - and I suppose some people do - they aren't generally likely to take such a huge step and be that direct and vulnerable with the other person.

 

Agreed. HUGE pet peeve of mine. Every time I read the instant love, just add water thing, I cringe and back away. I'm a sucker for romance and love stories and all that rot...but I feel like the 'fast love' kind of skips over everything that I love about the love stories. 0.o If that makes any kind of sense. I need build up. I need to know the characters well enough to actually give a crap. Also, it kind of takes any kind of 'meaning' the words are supposed to have and tosses it out the window, for me. I just... don't see how it's supposed to mean much of anything coming from someone you've known all of twenty-four hours. *headdesk* But maybe that's just me

 

... I don't think it's unrealistic, though. I've seen it happen. I've seen people telling their bf/gf's they love each other after about a week of dating. I cringe then too.

[Procyon]

Please do, I always enjoy reading about those sorts of social phenomena.

 

Lol, yes, do share this with all of us. And while you're at it give us some links to research on early divorces, too. The connection must be pretty direct.

 

 

In general do I think "instant hook-ups" are unrealistic? No, not at all. It depends on the situation though. I think it's unrealistic to have two characters who have never met cross paths in a non-sexual environment and suddenly be having sex, or even get on the topic at all. If on the other hand they meet in a bar, or online, then I think it's very realistic that they might have sex right away. You have to keep in mind what the characters' likely motivation is. Someone who walks into the grocery store to buy toilet paper and milk isn't expecting sex, won't be on the look out for it, and probably won't be especially receptive to the suggestion. Someone on a hook-up site, or even just in a bar, might very much be wanting and hoping to have sex and will definitely be on the look out for it.

 

Yeah, of course hook-ups and one-night stands are realistic, they happen all the time. The question is what feeling you want to have in your story, and what you want your character(s) to be like -- of course, anyone might go to a bar and pick someone up after a few (or not so few) drinks, and things develop from there -- in this case, one's character might still be a sensitive and mostly sensible person. It's the kind of thing that happens on a night out. Hook-ups online give a bit of a different impression of one's character -- it's sex for the sake of sex, and the excuse of inebriation is (usually) absent. It comes across as either desperate and a bit pathetic (so lonely you have to have sex, no matter with whom or under what circumstances) or as rather callous and calculating (the guy wants to get laid and looks for the specimen with the sexiest torso, or biggest, hmm, yeah, and then checks if said specimen is willing.) Of course, a character like that can be very interesting to write about -- probably more interesting, sometimes, than someone who just gets pissed and accidentally stumbles into bed with someone.

 

If you instead start with the premise that the characters know each other already and are having a first date, then it may or may not be realistic depending on the characters themselves. Some people are willing to have sex on the first date, some are disinclined to do so. I think it just needs to match with the way the characters are written.

 

Yes, and sex is probably more likely on a first date if the characters know each other less well than if they have some history together -- then it would seem like a bigger thing. But there are endless variations, of course.

 

Apart from strangers having sex as the result of unlikely encounters and circumstances I think one of the most unrealistic things an author can do is have the characters both fall instantly and deeply in love with each other. Yeah that's believable, two presumably stable adults crossing paths in the produce section, deciding to get it on in the parking lot, and then professing their undying love and commitment to each other.

 

In general I'm more put off by this fast love phenomenon in stories. "Oh we've only just met, but as soon as I looked into your eyes I knew we'd be together forever." How romantic ...and utterly preposterous. Even if people do fall in love that fast - and I suppose some people do - they aren't generally likely to take such a huge step and be that direct and vulnerable with the other person. Besides, even if they tried I don't think they'd be as emotional articulate and certainly not as sugary sweet. What's even less believable is when the other person feels exactly the same way, is completely comfortable and confident about this sudden impact love, and responds in kind.

 

I'd only buy that if it were really well-written and the author portrayed the characters as naive and desperate for love. I'd then expect a host of problems to develop for this couple over the remainder of the book. Not crazy, external problems, but direct problems involving the relationship itself.

 

So yeah, instant hook-ups can be very unrealistic, but I'm even more shocked - most of the time - by instant "love."

 

Very good points -- it's perfectly believable that one party falls in love after a one-night stand or a hook-up -- sex can often have that effect, especially if one is desperate -- but that both do? The likelihood is near zero.

 

And you said it might happen if both parties are equally desperate, and I agree, only they have to actually be exactly equally desperate, or there'll immediately be an imbalance in the relationship, which is a great turn-off for the less in-love person. I think it's more likely to happen if both are equally non-desperate, and just take a liking to each other and go on from there -- but then it's not instant love, of course, so I guess that doesn't count. Either way it's not very likely that a lasting relationship will ensue after a one-night stand, though it is possible.

[LongGone]

I just put it into "lazy author syndrome" which I dislike. A lot.

 

Then again, if it's a SHORT story it's okay. In a novel or novella it's not excusable.

[writeincode]

In general do I think "instant hook-ups" are unrealistic? No, not at all. It depends on the situation though. I think it's unrealistic to have two characters who have never met cross paths in a non-sexual environment and suddenly be having sex, or even get on the topic at all. If on the other hand they meet in a bar, or online, then I think it's very realistic that they might have sex right away. You have to keep in mind what the characters' likely motivation is. Someone who walks into the grocery store to buy toilet paper and milk isn't expecting sex, won't be on the look out for it, and probably won't be especially receptive to the suggestion. Someone on a hook-up site, or even just in a bar, might very much be wanting and hoping to have sex and will definitely be on the look out for it.

I have a (rather promiscuous) friend who went to a juice bar and ended up in the storage room with the juicer moments after the purchase was made. They remained in a quasi-relationship for about a month and a half. So sometimes instant hookups originating in non-sexual environments are completely realistic.