[Andrew_Q_Gordon] Second Shot

[Bumblebee]

No he prefers sci-fi fantasy stories for the most part. He said he was going to read read more than the first page but I am not holding my breath. To each his own I suppose.

 

then tell him that an Alien abducts Peter or something

[Andrew Q Gordon]

then tell him that an Alien abducts Peter or something

 

 

Cute, but don't you think he'll figure it out fairly quickly??? :wacko:

[Bumblebee]

Cute, but don't you think he'll figure it out fairly quickly??? :wacko:

 

noooo... tell him it happens close to the end, but you have to read the whole story so you can find out why and how he gets abducted

[Andrew Q Gordon]

noooo... tell him it happens close to the end, but you have to read the whole story so you can find out why and how he gets abducted

 

:o Your tricksy... remind me not to mess with the Bee.

 

But I find it best that one not lie to the hubby - or in your case the wife [when you get there]. After 16 years the - don't lie to Mike - policy has served me well. And clearly you can see he subscribes to it as well - he told me after 1 page - meh, not liking it already. LOL.

[Bumblebee]

:o Your tricksy... remind me not to mess with the Bee.

 

But I find it best that one not lie to the hubby - or in your case the wife [when you get there]. After 16 years the - don't lie to Mike - policy has served me well. And clearly you can see he subscribes to it as well - he told me after 1 page - meh, not liking it already. LOL.

 

LOL good advice maybe ask him to read your "Jason and Peter get happy" chapters... then see how he likes it

[TetRefine]

Was searching for college-age stories and came across yours Andy. Just read the first chapter and I'm intrigued.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Was searching for college-age stories and came across yours Andy. Just read the first chapter and I'm intrigued.

 

Thanks Matt, hopefully it will grow on you, it was/is a tad on the long side I am learning. But at least it is complete so you won't have to wait for the 'next chapter' like some people did as I was writing and posting

[TetRefine]

Thanks Matt, hopefully it will grow on you, it was/is a tad on the long side I am learning. But at least it is complete so you won't have to wait for the 'next chapter' like some people did as I was writing and posting

 

Just finished the first four chapters, and despite the soccer , I'm lovin' this story. And I'm guessing it takes place in southeast PA?

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Just finished the first four chapters, and despite the soccer , I'm lovin' this story. And I'm guessing it takes place in southeast PA?

 

Soccer is a small piece of the story. Yes there are a few games, but for the most part they are short. Not southeast PA, south Central - Harrisburg is the nearest city. BUT the place is totally made up. It was easier to make it up as I went then try to keep it true to some real place and school

[BeaStKid]

I absolutely loved this story!! It was beautifully written, the characters were well-crafted and I totally enjoyed the plot form the beginning till the end!

 

Thanks for sharing this with us, Quonos10

 

-BeaStKid

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I absolutely loved this story!! It was beautifully written, the characters were well-crafted and I totally enjoyed the plot form the beginning till the end!

 

Thanks for sharing this with us, Quonos10

 

-BeaStKid

 

No thank you for reading and for letting me know what you think. I appreciate both

 

Andy

[TrevorTime]

Okay, I think I caught a small error in the very first chapter..........................

 

Noting the glare he received from his father, Jason regretted not stifling his reaction. “Nothing wrong with being early,” he said to cover. “We can all get a drink at the bar while we wait for the table to be ready.”

 

“Need I remind you Jason Henry Tellerman that you are not twenty.” His mother said.

Shouldn't that be, "you are not twenty-one"? I actually caught this the first time I read the story, but for some reason, I figured she meant "you are only twenty".

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Okay, I think I caught a small error in the very first chapter..........................

 

Noting the glare he received from his father, Jason regretted not stifling his reaction. “Nothing wrong with being early,” he said to cover. “We can all get a drink at the bar while we wait for the table to be ready.”

 

“Need I remind you Jason Henry Tellerman that you are not twenty.” His mother said.

 

Shouldn't that be, "you are not twenty-one"? I actually caught this the first time I read the story, but for some reason, I figured she meant "you are only twenty".

 

Sorry Sherlock Trevor, but that is not a mistake. Just because the drinking age is 21 doesn't mean she has to say it like that. She was reminding him he wasn't even 20 let alone 21. And yes that is how I meant to write it. The idea was given his year in college - sophomore - and that he was not 20, it was a good bet folks would guess he was 19 which is what I wanted to say without saying he was 19.

 

But thanks for trying

[Hamen Cheese]

Just figured I would share with everyone, the bf read the first page and declared he didn't like it. Hasn't read a lick since. Said he wants a fantasy or sci story instead.

 

Oh well,

 

Make sure the next story has his name on it in the first line. Just saying.

[West Coast Dude]

Make sure the next story has his name on it in the first line. Just saying.

 

Aren't you writing an epilogue of the story, or did I hear wrong ?

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Make sure the next story has his name on it in the first line. Just saying.

 

Point noted, I'll have to see if that helps - though he is somewhat partial to Purpose, so I have an unauthorized Beta reader in the house now

 

Aren't you writing an epilogue of the story, or did I hear wrong ?

 

No, it would be a short story about the trial of Jordan Colmar. I haven't gotten it going to well just yet but am working toward it. No fear, I have it on the list. I might also have a companion story to this in the offing but for now that's a pipe dream. Just ask your brother what a baby means in terms of time

[West Coast Dude]

Point noted, I'll have to see if that helps - though he is somewhat partial to Purpose, so I have an unauthorized Beta reader in the house now

 

 

 

No, it would be a short story about the trial of Jordan Colmar. I haven't gotten it going to well just yet but am working toward it. No fear, I have it on the list. I might also have a companion story to this in the offing but for now that's a pipe dream. Just ask your brother what a baby means in terms of time

 

Mhmm, lol I used to babysit. But actually the baby is Jer's sisters friends baby. The baby was born due to a broken condom, and she didn't want to abort, so through her network she found my bro and his hubby, and so they process was way less than what you too went through. Less money too

 

Mhmm, lol I used to babysit. But actually the baby is Jer's sisters friends baby. The baby was born due to a broken condom, and she didn't want to abort, so through her network she found my bro and his hubby, and so they process was way less than what you too went through. Less money too

 

I'm curious to see a story 10 years from now. Do they get married, kids etc..

[Bumblebee]

No, it would be a short story about the trial of Jordan Colmar. I haven't gotten it going to well just yet but am working toward it. No fear, I have it on the list. I might also have a companion story to this in the offing but for now that's a pipe dream. Just ask your brother what a baby means in terms of time

 

Soooo.... we shall expect to have the trial story in like 20years after you baby girl has gone off to collage and given you enough time to write?

I will write it in my calendar lol

 

*and yes I think your going to have a girl *

[pabz]

I am always looking for feed back, good bad or in between. I am particularly interested in comments on what to work on. There is a LOT more to come, maybe too much but we will see.

 

Story Link: Second Chances

 

For those with an interest, I did play soccer for a LONG time, but was never that good. Steady maybe, but never great. I started to referee when my knees were shot. I played in the Gay Games in New York and helped referee several finals of the Gay Soccer Championships before my career took too much of my time. Gay Soccer

 

I am taking Martial Arts classes - though my discipline [Krav Maga] is nothing like what I am having Peter study. For those interested, Krav Maga is the Israeli defense training. It is at its core a self-defense training that is intense, difficult and leaves me bruised and achy when class is over. I highly recommend it to anyone who is interested. Here is a link for anyone interested. Just go knowing that on day one they are going to have you punching and kicking. Krav Maga

 

Otherwise the rest of the story is pretty much based on thoughts in my head. The characters truly don't remind me of anyone I know. They are not based on anyone I knew, wanted to know or hated.

 

Thanks for reading and feel free to email me if you don't want to tell me I stink in a public forum.

 

PS, not sure if the links work but if you right click you should be able to open them.

 

Update - turns out Second Chances was used by another Author on GA so with apologies to that author and to avoid a breach of etiquette, I changes the the title [after making sure this was not used already] I don't think it will be too confusing [ok yes it will a bit confusing but it is still necessary ]

 

[pabz]

Well I would like to thank you Q10 for producing Second Shot....

My type of book, good easy reading, perhaps a little too much on the romantic side but never the less it gave me pleasure...

Looking forward to reading more of your work.....

Sincerely... Paul, aka Pabz

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Thank you, Paul

 

Appreciate the feed back and glad you enjoyed it. I will try to live up to your expectations

 

Andy

[TrevorTime]

Hmmmm, in going over Chapter One again (hey I like the story, what can I say), it sure seems like Pete is going out of his way to run into Jason a whole bunch of times. So the prequel to the story (in my mind anyways) is that Pete knew exactly who Jason was, and had had his eye on him for some time. There's just too many coincidences for me to believe otherwise.

 

(like that locker room thing, it seems to me that Pete planned it, instead of it being some random encounter)

Edited May 20, 2011 by TrevorTime

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I would agree that IF there were a prequel, that would be true - Peter knew who Jason was but I would say that until the field house - he had no inkling Jason might be of that 'persuasion.'

 

But I don't plan a prequel any time soon if at all.

[ghrays]

This story was recommended to me by Trevor, and I just finished the last page this morning. What a ride!

 

It was an interesting story, I especially liked how Jason friends and family were well-described and believable. The characters Dean, Daryl and Wendy were really well done and fully realized. If I had to make a couple of tiny criticisms, it would be that the middle of the story was perhaps a bit overlong, and

the explanation for Peter's distancing himself in the last few chapters being related to control issues didn't seem authentic to me.

 

Thanks for writing and I look forward to more.

Edited May 24, 2011 by ghrays

[Andrew Q Gordon]

This story was recommended to me by Trevor, and I just finished the last page this morning. What a ride!

 

It was an interesting story, I especially liked how Jason friends and family were well-described and believable. The characters Dean, Daryl and Wendy were really well done and fully realized. If I had to make a couple of tiny criticisms, it would be that the middle of the story was perhaps a bit overlong, and

the explanation for Peter's distancing himself in the last few chapters being related to control issues didn't seem authentic to me.

 

Thanks for writing and I look forward to more.

 

Thank you for taking the time to a) read and b ) let me know. Trevor has been a huge fan and a good friend so I am not surprised he is still pushing my story

 

If you don't mind, and this isn't really a shameless attempt to solicit more comments, but can you expound on your comment about control issues not seeming authentic? Why not? and I am asking not to say you are wrong, but to hear why.

 

I am not sure if you write - your profile doesn't say Author yet, but that doesn't mean much - but if you do then you understand how you can write something and think - oh yeah baby, this works so well. Then put it out there and folks go :blink: say what?

 

Your comment about the middle being over long was seconded by a few people, so if I were to rewrite it, I would start chopping there.

 

I am glad you thought the characters were developed. That was an area I tried very hard to establish. I wanted them to have a distinct character and then tried to keep them 'in character' as much as possible.

 

Really, thank you for this. And please - if it isn't too much - give me a bit more about the control issue - I promise not to be upset or pissy