[Andrew_Q_Gordon] Second Shot

[MikeL]

I agree with Anyta's comments on chapter 9 and I was glad to see it posted.

 

I would add just one thing. It appears to me that Jason and Peter have had a breakthrough on the money issue. They realize that they each have hangups that are unnecessary. Each of them is seeking ways of saying "I love you" and they need to be willing to accept those expressions of love from each other.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I like also how Jason and Peter have issues regarding money. In many relationships money can cause issues, and having it in this story adds more realism. I have a feeling that things might get evened out pretty soon, if Jason gets cut of from financial support from his parents. THAT would be interesting to see how it affects Jason. (All speculation of course--I'm a chronic guesser when I read things.)

 

 

No comment, but just keep in mind that anything and everything can change before the end. So what happens this day/chapter may or may not change another day.

 

I ANTICIPATE Jason's coming out very soon. I hope this happens before the end of the first third of book. Because I imagine this and the way it's handled is the crux of your story. And that threshold of a journey for Jason, from whence he cannot return... STAKES are higher.

 

 

Ummm maybe, not really and there is no going back once you are out

 

 

Um, as for nitpicks... they probably aren't so helpful at this point. BUT just read over this page--I think it probably explains it better than I have:

 

http://research-writ...ialogue_to_life

 

 

I have seen this and things like it and I will keep an eye out for it in the future - HOWEVER [there always seems to be one of those with me, I know.] in this there wasn't supposed to be a lot of movement/action - particularly in his apt at the end. There wasn't much I wanted to convey other than how easy it was/is for our own issues/demons to affect our relationship. Moving them around and about would - IMHO create too much distraction.

 

That is not to say I don't and didn't do it elsewhere but in that scene it was deliberate.

 

Ten should be up in a day or so, too hard to do much editing on vacation. That and I WANT to finish the the last three scenes I need to get the vast majority of the story connected.

 

Andy

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I would add just one thing. It appears to me that Jason and Peter have had a breakthrough on the money issue. They realize that they each have hangups that are unnecessary. Each of them is seeking ways of saying "I love you" and they need to be willing to accept those expressions of love from each other.

 

Mike

 

Trying to be non committal and not give things away - yes they did - this time. Insecurities are rarely overcome so easily - that is all I can say.

 

Andy

[AnytaSunday]

I have seen this and things like it and I will keep an eye out for it in the future - HOWEVER [there always seems to be one of those with me, I know.] in this there wasn't supposed to be a lot of movement/action - particularly in his apt at the end. There wasn't much I wanted to convey other than how easy it was/is for our own issues/demons to affect our relationship. Moving them around and about would - IMHO create too much distraction.

Oh, I think I wasn't clear on my intention for recommending that page. It had nothing to do with movement action and more to do with comma verse period placement. That was all. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I thought it read well and was just the right amount of action.

[broseph]

I think there's something sweet and innocent about the relationship between your two main characters. I love how you've captured the awkwardness of the early stages of a relationship: the sexual tension, the playful banter, the god-awful/completely wonderful/still-subtle friction of personalities.

 

The only thing that concerns me is that there's the danger of it becoming a bit canned (Jock meet Sensitive Guy. They fall in love. They have sex. Inter-personal drama ensues. They break up. Big, disastrous event brings them back together. Happily ever after. Rinse and repeat.) I'm trusting that there's definitely more in the mix than that. Looking forward to it.

 

And if it means anything, I was so into the last chapter than I had my Mac read it to me (you Mac users out there, just highlight the appropriate text, ctrl-click, select speech, select start speaking, and voila: instant audio-book) while I was in the shower getting ready for dinner.

Edited August 28, 2010 by JMac

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I think there's something sweet and innocent about the relationship between your two main characters. I love how you've captured the awkwardness of the early stages of a relationship: the sexual tension, the playful banter, the god-awful/completely wonderful/still-subtle friction of personalities.

 

The only thing that concerns me is that there's the danger of it becoming a bit canned (Jock meet Sensitive Guy. They fall in love. They have sex. Inter-personal drama ensues. They break up. Big, disastrous event brings them back together. Happily ever after. Rinse and repeat.) I'm trusting that there's definitely more in the mix than that. Looking forward to it.

 

There is more - or at least I hope it comes across that way, BUT there is an element of that sequence of events in this story - there almost has to be or else we all get to hold hands and skip happily down to the happy homo home in the clouds. Since you raised it and it made me think what is going to happen - I sent you a PM to explain. The explanation is in a spoiler so don't read if you don't want to know.

 

To be completely honest, I am not sure how it is going to end, so can't say - even if I wanted to - if it will be HEA [Happily Ever After].

 

And if it means anything, I was so into the last chapter than I had my Mac read it to me (you Mac users out there, just highlight the appropriate text, ctrl-click, select speech, select start speaking, and voila: instant audio-book) while I was in the shower getting ready for dinner.

 

Been a Mac user for 8 years - this is my third Mac Book and I NEVER knew that - that alone was worth the time to write, edit and post the first 9 chapters

 

Oh and thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it.

 

Andy

[broseph]

I think it's hilarious that you said this wasn't your favorite chapter, because it's one of my favorites to date. Pace was good (a little rushed, but it fits with where we are in the story), settings were okay (could've used a little more fleshing out- for instance, I would've loved a more detailed description of the grandparent's McMansion), and the dialogue was really nice, very open and emotionally honest. I want to smack Peter around a little bit for being such an idiot, but I guess that's a good thing, huh? I loved their chat over the pie, some of my favorite dialogue yet.

 

I'm loving where this is going. Keep up the fantastic work.

[Benji]

I think it's hilarious that you said this wasn't your favorite chapter, because it's one of my favorites to date. Pace was good (a little rushed, but it fits with where we are in the story), settings were okay (could've used a little more fleshing out- for instance, I would've loved a more detailed description of the grandparent's McMansion), and the dialogue was really nice, very open and emotionally honest. I want to smack Peter around a little bit for being such an idiot, but I guess that's a good thing, huh? I loved their chat over the pie, some of my favorite dialogue yet.

 

I'm loving where this is going. Keep up the fantastic work.

 

........... I agree that the skip over of the grandparents home was disappointing, however I understand that you wanted them to get back together rather soon. Aha, the closet door is cracked a bit open, I see his best friend next and then his brother. The money issue arises only because of Peter's last romance, he needs to understand these are two different people here. Hmmm, the recipe for that pie has to be shown here, much different from other recipes that I have seen and sounds great, ( I like pecan pie)

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I think it's hilarious that you said this wasn't your favorite chapter, because it's one of my favorites to date. Pace was good (a little rushed, but it fits with where we are in the story), settings were okay (could've used a little more fleshing out- for instance, I would've loved a more detailed description of the grandparent's McMansion), and the dialogue was really nice, very open and emotionally honest. I want to smack Peter around a little bit for being such an idiot, but I guess that's a good thing, huh? I loved their chat over the pie, some of my favorite dialogue yet.

 

I'm loving where this is going. Keep up the fantastic work.

 

I promise to flesh out the G-Parents and their home etc soon, BUT McManion isn't what I had in mind. Thing more along the lines of real Mansion, that has a name, and staff, and old as in Old money Mansion. Plus there were a few hints there about his grandparents that will come back later. Their home, impressive though it will be, isn't central right now and going into too much detail would have required I break up this into two chapters. And as I will address below, I need to move on tad, I am already close to 70K and not even close to half way done. I might need to delete a few scenes in the interest of space but will have to see as I get closer.

 

........... I agree that the skip over of the grandparents home was disappointing, however I understand that you wanted them to get back together rather soon. Aha, the closet door is cracked a bit open, I see his best friend next and then his brother. The money issue arises only because of Peter's last romance, he needs to understand these are two different people here. Hmmm, the recipe for that pie has to be shown here, much different from other recipes that I have seen and sounds great, ( I like pecan pie)

 

The money issue was dealt with quite a bit right now and will show up later - as a pivotal issue, just not in the way people will thing right now, but this sets the scenery -HINT remember that 15 chapters or so from now

 

Not saying much about much on how the door opens or closes BUT we all know it HAS to happen or else why spend so much time on it right?

 

Pecan Pie, - okay that is biographical, [sorry it is about the only similarity I have with that character but I do love me some pie; pecan pie, and chocolate cream pie, cherry pie all kinds - just not THAT kinda pie ]

 

I will post the recipe as a separate reply.

 

Thanks guys I love the interaction - it really keeps me on my toes to keep things on point.

 

Andy

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Pecan Pie - or as it ought to be called PPP [Peter's Pecan Pie] - per the request of an illustrious GA member/moderator

 

This is super easy or as they said on a commercial, easy squeezy lemon peezy.

 

Preheat oven to 350

you need a 9 inch glass pie pan [no size queen jokes please.]

One pie crust. I . . . er Peter uses Pillsbury but feel free to make your own - makes it less easy however.

2/3 cup of sugar

1/4 cup melted butter

3 eggs

12 ounce jar of caramel sryup

1 1/2 cups of Pecan Halves - don't use pieces you will regret it

 

Mix eggs and sugar until sugar is dissolved. Stir in caramel syrup and melted butter. Toss in the Pecan halve, leaving enough aside to put a layer on top.

 

Pour mixture into the pan with the crust laid in. Put a layer of Pecan Halves on top. Bake 45 minutes or until knife comes out cleanly. Cool and enjoy. Homemade whipped cream is always best but NEVER use cool whip - bleckie

 

Couple hints/tips from Peter - Caramel syrup from the organic store is better - real sugar is better than fructose corn syrup. But Hersey's or Smuckers will do okay as well.

 

Buy two full cup of Pecans, some jars of caramel are larger than 12 ounces so more Pecans is a good thing. Also the extra pecans can be used to make the top layer I make sure the pie pan is full, this doesn't rise when it bakes so full = good.

 

IF anyone uses this, be interested to see if you like or not. PM to let me know.

 

Pecan Pie - or as it ought to be called PPP [Peter's Pecan Pie] - per the request of an illustrious GA member/moderator

 

This is super easy or as they said on a commercial, easy squeezy lemon peezy.

 

Preheat oven to 350

you need a 9 inch glass pie pan [no size queen jokes please.]

One pie crust. I . . . er Peter uses Pillsbury but feel free to make your own - makes it less easy however.

2/3 cup of sugar

1/4 cup melted butter

3 eggs

12 ounce jar of caramel sryup

1 1/2 cups of Pecan Halves - don't use pieces you will regret it

 

Mix eggs and sugar until sugar is dissolved. Stir in caramel syrup and melted butter. Toss in the Pecan halve, leaving enough aside to put a layer on top.

 

Pour mixture into the pan with the crust laid in. Put a layer of Pecan Halves on top. Bake 45 minutes or until knife comes out cleanly. Cool and enjoy. Homemade whipped cream is always best but NEVER use cool whip - bleckie

 

Couple hints/tips from Peter - Caramel syrup from the organic store is better - real sugar is better than fructose corn syrup. But Hersey's or Smuckers will do okay as well.

 

Buy two full cup of Pecans, some jars of caramel are larger than 12 ounces so more Pecans is a good thing. Also the extra pecans can be used to make the top layer I make sure the pie pan is full, this doesn't rise when it bakes so full = good.

 

IF anyone uses this, be interested to see if you like or not. PM to let me know.

[Benji]

The money issue was dealt with quite a bit right now and will show up later - as a pivotal issue, just not in the way people will thing right now, but this sets the scenery -HINT remember that 15 chapters or so from now

 

Not saying much about much on how the door opens or closes BUT we all know it HAS to happen or else why spend so much time on it right?

 

Pecan Pie, - okay that is biographical, [sorry it is about the only similarity I have with that character but I do love me some pie; pecan pie, and chocolate cream pie, cherry pie all kinds - just not THAT kinda pie ]

 

I will post the recipe as a separate reply.

 

Thanks guys I love the interaction - it really keeps me on my toes to keep things on point.

 

Andy

 

.................Once the door is opened, it is very hard to shut!! Thanks for the recipe, I had no idea it was a real one but be assured I will make it as soon as pecans are available here in my area, and I will let you know how it comes out.

[AnytaSunday]

Well, this may not be your favorite chapter, but it's one of mine. I just loved it. The incredibly nosey family felt pretty real to me. I liked the added depth we get about Jason when we discover how he's helped Michele. That made me like him even more as a character.

 

Personally, I wouldn't cut a thing. If anything, I would add another scene at the beginning that shows a bit more of Jason's relationship with Dean and family--I would have liked to have seen a bit more interaction. Especially considering how close they are meant to be. (Hmmm, I wrote this up before reading the comments on this page. I guess that shows a lot think the same here.)

 

But my FAV. bit was the I love you part at the end. It gave me that nice 'sigh' feeling.

 

 

 

Oh, thanks for posting the recipe, I've always wanted to make Pecan Pie. (actually for years ever since I first saw 'When Harry met Sally' )

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Anyta,

 

Dean and Jason get's fleshed out soon - can't get everything in AND move this along a bit.

 

Clearly I am the only one who didn't like this chapter, but I think it is because I am/was trying to get to where I want and needed to fill in the blanks first. Also, I originally wrote this as being after his parents find out so I had to go back and rework a lot of it. So perhaps that is where my animosity comes from. lol

[AnytaSunday]

Chapter Eleven,

 

Oh what can I say? This was just right. I love the interaction between Peter and Jason, you do that perfectly. It felt real, reading this, was like I was almost there with them.

 

I was anxious about the money issue for the first part of the chapter, though, because I know how much such things have the potential to destroy relationships. But I think you dealt with Jase's emotions around this really well.

 

I am eagerly anticipating chapter 12. Thanks so much for the read,

 

Anyta

[AnytaSunday]

On Chapter 12!

 

 

OMG!!!

 

Okay, I think this one just took over as my favorite chapter. Like crazy, wowness. I loved the fact Jase was the one to out himself. That really showed to me (more than the telling each other 'I love you') how much he loves Peter.

 

The Valentines evening was very sweet although I initially felt awkward--just as Jase and Peter did--about the money thing. I'm freaked out what affect that will have on the two, and I hope they manage to find a way to sort out a compromise or something between them.

 

But the end bit was just fast paced goodness. I really enjoyed it.

 

 

Again, I LOVED this chapter. Excellent stuff,

 

Can't wait for 13,

 

Anyta

[Andrew Q Gordon]

On Chapter 12!

 

 

I had one stylistic issue with this chapter (But it's not too hard to fix)--that was the writing jumped out of viewpoint. The entire story so far has been written from Jase's perspective. In this chapter two times there is a jump of perspective.

 

One option, if you wanted to keep this all from Jase's POV, you could tweak those two parts so that we just get the scene from Jase's perspective. For example, maybe he overhears Wendy talking about peter being after him as he runs to the bathroom. And in that second bit, perhaps he just hears grunts from behind the door and Peter's voice. Senses something's not right and opens the door to Peter twisting Jordan's wrist. That way we learn everything with him and keep in one perspective.

 

Another option, is to use a scene break *** something like that so that it's clear the viewpoint is changing.

 

Of course, feel free to ignore this--in the end you have to do what works best for your story. I'm only hyper sensitive to POV switches because I keep being told from my critique group. (see what your other writer friends suggest).

 

 

Anyta

 

I make it a point NEVER to ignore a well reasoned opinion, even someone as pig headed and stubborn as me knows the value of a second set of eyes.

 

That said, I have a question and feel free to PM me if you like rather than reply here - though I am fine with you trashing me in an open forum

 

Okay, I need to go back and find the POV lesson I have - my understand - and it may be flawed - is that IF it is something the person whose POV we are listening to could have found out - i.e. Darryl told him or Peter told him etc, then it is fair game for third person perspectives. So long as I don't do something like:

 

'Wendy couldn't help but think it was odd that Peter had to go at the same moment as Jason. "Don't you think it odd?" She said.'

 

There I was using her as the POV and not telling what others could easily see and relay to the person whose PIV we are hearing. I guess I liken it to stuff like background info on the town, the school, the party etc.

 

That said I am NOT sure that is correct so I will go back and research it. I just read an article that talked about POV where they said if you use 1st person you are stuck with that persons observations or what they are told. However, it seems to me that if I do it wide spread there is an issue - but here it was just two small - though one was pivotal - scenes that connect the dots.

 

Again I need to figure check it out. Because there is also the part where Peter comes up after Jason runs off and asks what happened. There again, Jason is NOT there and couldn't hear what happened.

 

Food for thought that I need to go look into.

 

Thanks for that.

 

Andy

[Benji]

................. I guess Wendy will now get the hint!! Jordan is a piece of work!!! He definitely is not going to keep quiet, campus and hometown over night. In one instant, Jason not only opened the closet door, he tore it off it's hinges! I don't think the fallout at school will be that bad, the team will probably be a little divided. Home however is another story! Saint Barbara the Evangelist will not stand for it, Dean will be in his corner, I have no idea where Royce will stand. Surprisingly, I think the grandparents will ok with it. Great chapter and looking forward to more of the aftermath!

[Andrew Q Gordon]

So I know folks are reading the story - either that or one or two people are switching chapters to inflate the read count and since I am not paying anyone to do that I am going to assume that is not the case. Like everyone else who opens a thread, it is frustrating that so few people use it - but I am going to try something anyway ;

 

I am two chapters, maybe one really long one but I suspect it will be one ave sized and one short chapter - away from the end of the first part of the story - due to the length - it is rather long I know - I can do one of several things - A) I can keep going, word and chapter count be damned, B ) Break it into two stories; C) Eliminate scenes/chapters to shorten it or D) some combo of the three [sort of like all the 'all of the above' choice on multiple guess tests.]

 

Call it a shameless attempt to get input but it is more my wondering what folks would like to see.

 

Additionally, if anyone is willing - I would like to run a few idea by folks who have read this far. I have always thought of this as two parts, the - build up and the coming out - then the 'event' that tests them. In between are a few 'bridge' chapters - some can easily be cut - or at least severely cut down and condensed - these I am not sure about posting. I am not sure if it is just needless background, if folks want to read it, if I should shut the hell up and move away from the keyboard.

 

So, since we are moving to the new system, the next chapter [or two - see above] will be the last two until the new system is up and running. I don't want to transfer anymore than I have to AND this will be a good breaking point. I have not quite completed the bridge chapters, there is at least one vital chapter that I can not skip that I have not written. So this break will allow me to get those chapters written that need to be and edit the rest. [And have my editor and beta readers give me feed back.]

 

Having wasted far too many pixels and electrons getting this far, if anyone is willing to help, let me know. If you don't want others to know you are offering - a PM or the email function on my profile is perfectly fine. Thanks in advance for any who are willing - know this - I am not asking for an editor, got a super great one - nor a beta reader - got that too - what I am looking for is general, over view feedback on where to go next. The more input I get the better.

 

Thanks

 

Andy

[Nephylim]

who says what is too long. My stories at present average out at just over 100k broken down into chapters of varied lengths. People seem to be prepared to stick with them to the end so I think it works.

 

I am sure that some of the stories already posted are much longer than that.

 

I would be inclined to say that bridging chapters whilst not being essential to the storyline per se add richness to the characters and the world in which they live. They take the focus away from the story and show the characters in different situations away from the intensity of what's going on in the main thread. As such I don't think of them as bridging chapter but rather filling chaptes, filling us in on lots of things we wouldn't have known without them... and who's to say what the individual reader will find important in the detail you put in... or not.

 

 

Hope that makes sense. I vote for ... give us it all.

 

 

[option]

So I know folks are reading the story - either that or one or two people are switching chapters to inflate the read count and since I am not paying anyone to do that I am going to assume that is not the case. Like everyone else who opens a thread, it is frustrating that so few people use it - but I am going to try something anyway ;

 

I am two chapters, maybe one really long one but I suspect it will be one ave sized and one short chapter - away from the end of the first part of the story - due to the length - it is rather long I know - I can do one of several things - A) I can keep going, word and chapter count be damned, B ) Break it into two stories; C) Eliminate scenes/chapters to shorten it or D) some combo of the three [sort of like all the 'all of the above' choice on multiple guess tests.]

 

Call it a shameless attempt to get input but it is more my wondering what folks would like to see.

 

Additionally, if anyone is willing - I would like to run a few idea by folks who have read this far. I have always thought of this as two parts, the - build up and the coming out - then the 'event' that tests them. In between are a few 'bridge' chapters - some can easily be cut - or at least severely cut down and condensed - these I am not sure about posting. I am not sure if it is just needless background, if folks want to read it, if I should shut the hell up and move away from the keyboard.

 

So, since we are moving to the new system, the next chapter [or two - see above] will be the last two until the new system is up and running. I don't want to transfer anymore than I have to AND this will be a good breaking point. I have not quite completed the bridge chapters, there is at least one vital chapter that I can not skip that I have not written. So this break will allow me to get those chapters written that need to be and edit the rest. [And have my editor and beta readers give me feed back.]

 

Having wasted far too many pixels and electrons getting this far, if anyone is willing to help, let me know. If you don't want others to know you are offering - a PM or the email function on my profile is perfectly fine. Thanks in advance for any who are willing - know this - I am not asking for an editor, got a super great one - nor a beta reader - got that too - what I am looking for is general, over view feedback on where to go next. The more input I get the better.

 

Thanks

 

Andy

 

 

Your the author, its your story

therefore you should write whatever you feel is neccesary

 

fiction writing is a creative process

word & chapter counts shouldnt be imposed, as that restricts & hinders the creativity

[AnytaSunday]

I wouldn't worry so much about word count. I wouldn't let that be a factor in the decision. But having the story in two parts/books could work well. Many books have companion novels or sequels. I think you'd be the best one to know what you'd like best.

 

I don't really understand the transferring to a new system thing, won't the stories automatically get transferred? Gosh, if not, I'd better copy and paste the formatted stuff here. I hate fiddling about with those italics <i> thingy's!

 

Anyway, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. I'll love it whatever that is, I'm sure.

 

Sweet, all the best,

 

Anyta

[Benji]

................... Hmmmm, hurricane Barbara turned out to be a category 2 Royce is better then FEMA, and is going to be the clean-up man on this storm, meanwhile the trash left over by Jordan and Rebecca Colmar will leave a stink for awhile. But as Jason pointed out Jordan is a user, I'm sure people will tire of them and their smell real soon. Round 2 coming up, 'Coach & Team' .... let's just say I think things will work out better then Jason expects it to on that. Minimal fallout, because the team has too much to lose.

 

So what does one do with whiny homophobes that become unglued?? The ones that throw religious tantrums and go so red in the face they risk aneurysms? I mean how stupid was Jordan for even trying to hit Peter (Duh! an obvious black belt)! I think the louder they yell, the more ostracized the will become, this is no longer high school. Great chapter!!!

[Andrew Q Gordon]

I wouldn't worry so much about word count. I wouldn't let that be a factor in the decision. But having the story in two parts/books could work well. Many books have companion novels or sequels. I think you'd be the best one to know what you'd like best.

 

I don't really understand the transferring to a new system thing, won't the stories automatically get transferred? Gosh, if not, I'd better copy and paste the formatted stuff here. I hate fiddling about with those italics <i> thingy's!

 

Anyway, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. I'll love it whatever that is, I'm sure.

 

Sweet, all the best,

 

Anyta

 

My understanding - and I am 99% certain of it - we have to transfer our own stories - we being everyone other than the Hosted and Promising Authors - so the more I post, the more I have to transfer, hence my decision to keep the chapter count down.

 

I will forward you my thoughts and you can give me your feed back for the upcoming chapters/story development.

 

Thanks for always being so helpful - you have certainly helped me a ton so far.

 

Andy

[jian_sierra]

Hey Andy,

 

I just realized that I rarely reply to this forum and I have never posted a review on Second Shot. Sorry for that. The downside of reading your story ahead of time is that I don't get to participate in these discussions because I don't know what part you're already in

 

They already said everything there was to say about the length of your story. What I'm going to tell you is me just being me. I am going to admit that receiving a 200 page word document from you shocked me like never before. But as I read, I found out how easy it was to read your story. It just flows for me. So without having any idea what part of the story you're in, it seems that people like whatever it is your posting regardless of its length so that means you're doing a great job. Therefore, just keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

 

With that, separating the whole story into two parts seems like a great idea, but again this is your story. You do what you want.

 

Anyway, enough ranting from me. I'm just someone who doesn't have anything better to do (except that I'm trying to avoid editing the remaining parts of your story, I'll get to it I promise) so just wanna thank you for sharing this story with us. I don't speak for them, I only speak for myself. Although I have been very vocal with you that I don't like Jason, I really do like this story even with Jason in it

 

John

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Hey Andy,

 

I just realized that I rarely reply to this forum and I have never posted a review on Second Shot. Sorry for that. The downside of reading your story ahead of time is that I don't get to participate in these discussions because I don't know what part you're already in

I hear you on this - when I know what is coming it is hard to comment without spilling things - even if unintentional. BUT I know you comments, they have been extremely helpful all along the way.

 

Although I have been very vocal with you that I don't like Jason, I really do like this story even with Jason in it

 

John

 

I just don't get this - I mean how is he unlikeable but the story is okay? It is HIS story LOL. Oh wait you like Peter - sorry I didn't write this from his perspective. Maybe next time

 

Thanks again for all the help John, you probably don't hear me say it enough.

 

Andy