Biggest mistake in your love life?

[Marzipan]

Mine was to get involved with a guy that I thought was the most intelligent person on earth (I get easily attracted to brainy people, well I guess we all hawe brains, lol). He was a kind, handsome, generous type that I really can't say bad things about. But He was totally wrong for me.

 

He knew a lot more than I did, he was 5 years older and had so much more experience than me. I was never really in love with him. We were together almost 10 years, it would have been 10 years this New years eve!

 

Mistake nro 1:

He became my best friend and it took me years to realise I don't love him and I'm constantly looking outside our relationship. I had secret crushes all the time to fill in my need for romance. --> Don't seddle on friendship, it's totally different kind of love.

 

Mistake nro 2:

I started to change myself to fit better into his patterns, he didn't do the same thing. I became less of me and faded more and more. --> Don't change who you are.

 

Mistake nro 3:

He had financial controll over me and I didn't feel independent. I hated that! I'm not rich, but I can take care of myself. Easily! --> Keep your own money!

 

BIGGEST MISTAKE:

I didn't leave from the relationship earlier. I feel i have lost nearly a decade of my life. --> I do feel stronger will to live the way I want now. I really don't want to think if the love of my life has passed me when I wasn't paying attention. He/she is still out there!!!!

[Stargazer]

I think mistake number three is the most important. You can share bills, have joint accounts, but no matter what, always keep your own money, too. That goes for everyone. I believe in love and happiness and ever after but you never know when a curve ball can come your way and you need to be able to rely on YOU.

 

Don't worry about love. It's all around you and when the time is right, you'll find your true one!

[Nephylim]

The biggest mistake I ever made in love was to miss the chance of love because I was too scared to express it. The one who possibly was the love of my life disappeared from it becasue I was too scared to tell them how I felt.

[Marzipan]

The biggest mistake I ever made in love was to miss the chance of love because I was too scared to express it. The one who possibly was the love of my life disappeared from it becasue I was too scared to tell them how I felt.

 

 

I hear you! I'm working on it!

[Cia]

Hmm... I was a stupid teen and was into the party scene. Lots of mistakes there but the worst was a guy I was with who thought it was okay to beat on me. The worst thing was that I could have defended myself from him, I was capable physically but not mentally to defend myself from a guy who wanted to hit me. I snapped one day and just started laughing at him after he hit me and that lead to a major beating that left scars. That incident led me to finally get up the nerve to tell him to stay the hell away from me and I vowed to never let it happen again. I was young so it didn't manage to mess me up too much mentally and I have been with a great man for 13 years. I was one of the lucky ones who managed to escape the cycle that so many people who were abused early in life get stuck in. Not everyone is so fortunate.

[AleMaho]

I thought i was in love.

But others would've called it being stupid! Hell, i call it stupidity now.

I mean, now i've grown and learned so many things, and now i know how messed up my relationship was.

 

He said he loved... he said i was the one... he said he wanted me...

He said everything i needed to hear. =(

And i believed him.

That was my biggest mistake.

 

I distanced myself from everyone. I had time only for him.

I did everything to be with him.

 

And then things ended.

 

I'm grateful though. What he did, and with all his actions, he taught me many things.

And the person i am now, well, i owe him a bit.

I don't hate him, in fact i still love him. I'm just not in love with him anymore.

 

To me, the biggest mistake one can do is what i did: stop being myself.

[Marzipan]

I was one of the lucky ones who managed to escape the cycle that so many people who were abused early in life get stuck in. Not everyone is so fortunate.

 

 

Good for you Cia, physical and/or mental abuse is horrible! I'm soo affraid for a close friend of mine that's in a really dangerous looking relationship. She is trying to leave him, but he always manages to pull her back with all kinds of pretexts... If he hurts her, I'm so gonna kick his ass.

 

In case Cia's advice wasn't clear enough,

 

Leave when you can and back your bags quicly!!!!!!

[JamesSavik]

Never sleep with your boyfriends siblings. Enough said.

[hayven]

The biggest mistake I ever made in love was to miss the chance of love because I was too scared to express it. The one who possibly was the love of my life disappeared from it becasue I was too scared to tell them how I felt.

 

That's my biggest mistake too. I'm still trying to learn from it.

 

 

Never sleep with your boyfriends siblings. Enough said.

 

 

Woah - awkward all around.

 

 

[Tipdin]

Biggest mistake and regret of my life is leaving a great relationship because I wanted to "see what's out there" - and I found out.

 

We are friends still, 30 years later, but I found out that I started with a Rolls Royce and worked my way down from there.

[Benji]

Biggest mistake and regret of my life is leaving a great relationship because I wanted to "see what's out there" - and I found out.

 

We are friends still, 30 years later, but I found out that I started with a Rolls Royce and worked my way down from there.

 

...........I have so many regrets, the biggest that has been on my mind was when I was still in the Marines, this regret goes back over 35 years or better. He was 19-20 and I was 23 I should just call him '12"' because he was! But our encounter which he agreed to was 'nothing' he had his demons still with him, and he deserted. I never saw him again, I still blame myself for that. On a lighter note, the guy I was most attracted to in Jr. and Hi. school, the one I avoided all through school! Never married.

[Venkman]

I dove into a relationship with a girl in high school and we were inseparable for three year. When I came out of the relationship, I was so sick over how I behaved that I in the unable-to-express group.

 

Is it possible that love is inherently a mistake?

[Marzipan]

Biggest mistake and regret of my life is leaving a great relationship because I wanted to "see what's out there" - and I found out.

 

We are friends still, 30 years later, but I found out that I started with a Rolls Royce and worked my way down from there.

 

 

Life/love is a gamble.... You win some and you loose some. If I ever find myself a time machine, I'll take you, Tipdin back to that moment of no return... Maybe it's not all over for you to...?

[Tipdin]

Life/love is a gamble.... You win some and you loose some. If I ever find myself a time machine, I'll take you, Tipdin back to that moment of no return... Maybe it's not all over for you to...?

 

You're sweet and I thank you!

 

However, yes, it's over. We're both in relationships and he now lives in Arizona. He went from Minneapolis Queen of the Lakes to the elected Empress of Arizona. I kiss you for trying!

[Y_B]

I think mistake number three is the most important. You can share bills, have joint accounts, but no matter what, always keep your own money, too. That goes for everyone. I believe in love and happiness and ever after but you never know when a curve ball can come your way and you need to be able to rely on YOU.

 

My cultural background plays a big role when I say that I don't find that an appealing option. Finance is without a doubt one of the major things couple's have to address in order to make their relationship work. To me, if you can't trust each other with money, you ain't really trusting each other. Sure, it's nice to take precaution just in case things don't turn out right, but if that "just in case" is significant enough that you'd actually go ahead to make preparations for it, what does that really say about you and the relationship? It says there are plenty of egg shells being walked on. It says you sleep with a metaphoric knife under your pillow even in your own house. It says there's no real trust.

 

When I end up with someone one day, I want it to be like the family I already have. There's no he, she, you or I in my family when it comes to money and the relationship we have warrants no precaution. If my future spouse keeps personal private funds somewhere, that'll be as if he/she tells me they're keeping some money for themselves just in case we don't work out, or that they've already decided on who they're gonna end up with next just in case I die or that they've got copies of divorce documents ready in the house just in case we wanna split....and that would sure as hell make me feel uncomfortable.

Edited January 3, 2011 by Yang Bang

[Stargazer]

Yang, I didn't say anything about private funds. I'm not talking about keeping secrets from your spouse or significant other. I'm talking about being able to support yourself IF something should go wrong.

 

When you've had a boyfriend clean out your joint bank account and you can't pay your rent or bills or had your husband literally steal money and jewelry from you and allow you to think someone broke into your car another time, maybe you'll see my point. I was young and stupid when the ex-boyfriend did that to me and a little older but totally conned when my ex-husband did that, the same way he conned lots of his friends after we broke up. When I look back, I see the signs but when you're right there in it, you ignore lots of things or just plain don't notice them.

 

That was a lesson to me. My current husband and I have been married for almost six years and together for nine. We've always had our own checking accounts. He pays certain bills and I pay others but we share our expenses, too. We don't hide money or anything like that and we don't look at anything financial as 'in case it doesn't work.' For me, it's a matter of being able to take care of myself and taking care of each other, too. He and I are partners in every sense of the word.

 

Finances don't equate how you feel about your relationship.

[Y_B]

Yang, I didn't say anything about private funds.

 

 

Wasn't that the second sentence of your post?

 

I'm not talking about keeping secrets from your spouse or significant other. I'm talking about being able to support yourself IF something should go wrong.

 

You missed my whole point which focused in on the idea that if the relationship's real and good enough, there wouldn't be an "IF"

 

When you've had a boyfriend clean out your joint bank account and you can't pay your rent or bills or had your husband literally steal money and jewelry from you and allow you to think someone broke into your car another time, maybe you'll see my point.

 

If that were to happen to me, I can only blame my poor judge of character, no so much regret that I didn't put up a safety net below.

 

I was young and stupid when the ex-boyfriend did that to me and a little older but totally conned when my ex-husband did that, the same way he conned lots of his friends after we broke up. When I look back, I see the signs but when you're right there in it, you ignore lots of things or just plain don't notice them.

 

nuff said.

 

Sorry, don't mean to be rude. I know that people aren't perfect and too often get involved emotionally in things that blind them from reality, but it's our job to ultimately learn from them and not make the same mistakes again. However, the lesson learned shouldn't be how to defend yourself against other people but rather how to pick the right people that you wouldn't need to defend yourself. You can live your life always keeping a skeptic eye out for your own well being, but that's exhausting and in some cases, disrespectful.

 

My current husband and I have been married for almost six years and together for nine. We've always had our own checking accounts. He pays certain bills and I pay others but we share our expenses, too. We don't hide money or anything like that and we don't look at anything financial as 'in case it doesn't work.' For me, it's a matter of being able to take care of myself and taking care of each other, too. He and I are partners in every sense of the word.

 

I'm very glad to hear. I'm sure y'all are great for each other

 

Finances don't equate how you feel about your relationship.

 

Of course it does.

 

Financing is dealing with funds management and deciding how to make it flow, and decisions make a person. It's not who you are that defines you but what you do, so ultimately, what you decide to do in life reflects exactly who you are and what others mean to you when relevant.

Edited January 3, 2011 by Yang Bang

[Stargazer]

The second sentence of my post didn't say anything about PRIVATE funds. It was meant as being able to support yourself, as I stated. You can live in lala land and think your judgment about other people is flawless but it's not. No one's is. Do you know EVERY thought, desire or deed of every person you choose to keep company with?? You don't, nor do they know yours. It's impossible, no matter how open you are with someone, to know everything. There's ALWAYS an IF.

 

It's not about not trusting someone with money. It's about BEING ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. If you'd like to be a kept man, more power to you, but I like to know that I can take care of myself.

 

What if your partner gets injured, becomes ill, or God forbid, passes away and you're the only one making the money?? You'll wish then that you maybe kept a little emergency fund aside. But go ahead and live in your little fantasy world where everything and everyone is full of rainbows and sunshine. I'll be here in the real world.

 

As for putting my comment about being young and stupid in bold, you are incredibly rude and that was uncalled for.

 

"However, the lesson learned shouldn't be how to defend yourself against other people but rather how to pick the right people that you wouldn't need to defend yourself. You can live your life always keeping a skeptic eye out for your own well being, but that's exhausting and in some cases, disrespectful." The lesson learned is to watch out for yourself so you don't get taken advantage of and choose better in the future. There's nothing disrespectful about having self-esteem and being confident in yourself and your abilities.

 

I'm not a skeptic. I'm an optimist and a half. I always believe there's inherent good in people but based on my own personal experiences and things I've seen others go through, it's necessary to take care of one's self. Hope you get the point of my post but you likely won't.

[Daisy139]

Hmm, my then boyfriend of 2 or 3 weeks raped me (anal rape is not fun), and I stuck with him because I thought he didn't mean to actually hurt me, and maybe he was so into it that he didn't hear me asking him to stop or bawling my eyes out before I almost passed out.

A few days later, I let him talk me into taking nude photos of me.

Then, a buddy of mine (male) came to me saying my boyfriend was enthusiastically discussing my privates at their dinner table of approximately 10+ guys.

Theeeeen.....another male buddy calls me late at night and verbally molests me for about 30 minutes (I'm not quite sure why I didn't hang up the phone... ), trying to talk me into sleeping with him. When I told my boyfriend the next day, he played me a recording of that phone conversation on his cell phone, telling me he instigated the whole thing to test if I was faithful. Well, I passed that one.

 

Then I hear he's sleeping around with way many people, and I let him talk me out of that idea, still sleeping with him without condoms (I hereby declare that the most stupid mistake of all of the above, though I got away extremely lucky). When i finally found a condom in front of his bed, knowing it wasn't for me, I started to get some brains (but slowly).

 

Finally I found out that he had showed the nude photos around (surprise) and dumped him, still not reporting the rape to anyone, because I was afraid of him and his dad (super rich and high flying attorney for politicians....I didn't think I stood a chance....).

 

Do I win the award for biggest relationship mistake? I think I do. For the condom thing. Oughtta know better than that...

[Y_B]

The second sentence of my post didn't say anything about PRIVATE funds. It was meant as being able to support yourself, as I stated. You can live in lala land and think your judgment about other people is flawless but it's not. No one's is. Do you know EVERY thought, desire or deed of every person you choose to keep company with?? You don't, nor do they know yours. It's impossible, no matter how open you are with someone, to know everything. There's ALWAYS an IF.

 

It's not about not trusting someone with money. It's about BEING ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. If you'd like to be a kept man, more power to you, but I like to know that I can take care of myself.

 

What if your partner gets injured, becomes ill, or God forbid, passes away and you're the only one making the money?? You'll wish then that you maybe kept a little emergency fund aside. But go ahead and live in your little fantasy world where everything and everyone is full of rainbows and sunshine. I'll be here in the real world.

 

As for putting my comment about being young and stupid in bold, you are incredibly rude and that was uncalled for.

 

"However, the lesson learned shouldn't be how to defend yourself against other people but rather how to pick the right people that you wouldn't need to defend yourself. You can live your life always keeping a skeptic eye out for your own well being, but that's exhausting and in some cases, disrespectful." The lesson learned is to watch out for yourself so you don't get taken advantage of and choose better in the future. There's nothing disrespectful about having self-esteem and being confident in yourself and your abilities.

 

I'm not a skeptic. I'm an optimist and a half. I always believe there's inherent good in people but based on my own personal experiences and things I've seen others go through, it's necessary to take care of one's self. Hope you get the point of my post but you likely won't.

 

My, my aren't we defensive.

I'll bet you're one of those people who brings your own set of utensils to family holiday dinners. Ya know....just in case your brother-in-law's wife or whoever didn't clean their's enough and accidentally poisons you.

 

And about that comment in bold, hey you said it not me.

 

By the way, your 3rd paragraph made no sense.

[Marzipan]

Hmm, my then boyfriend of 2 or 3 weeks raped me (anal rape is not fun), and I stuck with him because I thought he didn't mean to actually hurt me, and maybe he was so into it that he didn't hear me asking him to stop or bawling my eyes out before I almost passed out.

A few days later, I let him talk me into taking nude photos of me.

Then, a buddy of mine (male) came to me saying my boyfriend was enthusiastically discussing my privates at their dinner table of approximately 10+ guys.

Theeeeen.....another male buddy calls me late at night and verbally molests me for about 30 minutes (I'm not quite sure why I didn't hang up the phone... ), trying to talk me into sleeping with him. When I told my boyfriend the next day, he played me a recording of that phone conversation on his cell phone, telling me he instigated the whole thing to test if I was faithful. Well, I passed that one.

 

Then I hear he's sleeping around with way many people, and I let him talk me out of that idea, still sleeping with him without condoms (I hereby declare that the most stupid mistake of all of the above, though I got away extremely lucky). When i finally found a condom in front of his bed, knowing it wasn't for me, I started to get some brains (but slowly).

 

Finally I found out that he had showed the nude photos around (surprise) and dumped him, still not reporting the rape to anyone, because I was afraid of him and his dad (super rich and high flying attorney for politicians....I didn't think I stood a chance....).

 

Do I win the award for biggest relationship mistake? I think I do. For the condom thing. Oughtta know better than that...

 

 

Whooaa... Talking about dangerous (!), narsistic bastards... Sorry hon, that you had to go through that.

[Tipdin]

Hmm, my then boyfriend of 2 or 3 weeks raped me (anal rape is not fun), and I stuck with him because I thought he didn't mean to actually hurt me, and maybe he was so into it that he didn't hear me asking him to stop or bawling my eyes out before I almost passed out.

A few days later, I let him talk me into taking nude photos of me.

Then, a buddy of mine (male) came to me saying my boyfriend was enthusiastically discussing my privates at their dinner table of approximately 10+ guys.

Theeeeen.....another male buddy calls me late at night and verbally molests me for about 30 minutes (I'm not quite sure why I didn't hang up the phone... ), trying to talk me into sleeping with him. When I told my boyfriend the next day, he played me a recording of that phone conversation on his cell phone, telling me he instigated the whole thing to test if I was faithful. Well, I passed that one.

 

Then I hear he's sleeping around with way many people, and I let him talk me out of that idea, still sleeping with him without condoms (I hereby declare that the most stupid mistake of all of the above, though I got away extremely lucky). When i finally found a condom in front of his bed, knowing it wasn't for me, I started to get some brains (but slowly).

 

Finally I found out that he had showed the nude photos around (surprise) and dumped him, still not reporting the rape to anyone, because I was afraid of him and his dad (super rich and high flying attorney for politicians....I didn't think I stood a chance....).

 

Do I win the award for biggest relationship mistake? I think I do. For the condom thing. Oughtta know better than that...

Yeow! It absolutely unhinges me when wealth creates the power to get away with stupidity! (Been through similar crap as you.) I write REALLY realistic, violent stories when I think about a certain someone....

 

One nice thing though - you appreciate the good ones all the more!

 

 

[Stargazer]

My, my aren't we defensive.

I'll bet you're one of those people who brings your own set of utensils to family holiday dinners. Ya know....just in case your brother-in-law's wife or whoever didn't clean their's enough and accidentally poisons you.

 

And about that comment in bold, hey you said it not me.

 

By the way, your 3rd paragraph made no sense.

 

 

Do you walk on water as well as give advice and throw insults around?

[Cia]

How about we keep this civil and the insults out of it before I'm forced to step in and do the whole mod thing. If you guys want to squabble over semantics and make rude comments to each other use the pm system. Otherwise, please drop it and either stay on topic or don't post.

[Stargazer]

I didn't start it, Cia, but I'm not going to stand by and let some twit talk smack to me. Won't say another word about it. He can argue with himself now.