Coming out to a homophobic family is HELL!

[AsmodeusBoy7]

any tips are welcome, but im screwed, and im good with keeping it hidden

[Camilo]

It's hard and you're not alone There are other people like this awesome guy

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95WenuM8-68&feature=feedu

 

 

Hope you find tons of support and love here.

[Abersloth]

The best advice I can give you is to know what your options are. Know which of your friends might be able to take you in if your parents were to find out and you found yourself needing a safe place to stay. Know what resources are available to you, know that there is help for your family and help for you.

[Cia]

Ahh... you're not alone here either. I'm 30, bi but married to a guy, and I still won't tell my dad about that or that I write mm fiction. At your age... no way in hell. There are other topics on the site about coming out and I think the most salient point of all of them is DON'T come out until you are safe to do so. Most 16 year olds cannot live on their own or support themselves. If you are unable to do so, you need to stay quiet. The slight chance that homophobic parents would change their mind because it was their child is not likely and the risk you take outweight the benefits of telling anyone you're gay. Your choice is quite smart, really.

[DarkCrow99]

My parents are strong Christian and do not like homosexuality. I told my dad and he flipped out saying all kind of things. My mom said she loved me but she couldn't agree with my "lifestyle". So you know I can't really get 100% support from them. My advice is to stay true to yourself not matter what happens. There will always be someone there who'll love you and support you. It may take time for family to come to terms...they may never come to terms but that isn't your fault. It's how they were raised and brought up. It has absolutely nothing at all to do with you. If you ever need help there are always resources to go to. Have faith that it'll work out. You'll find a way. I know it. I believe in you, and I'll cheer you on.

[Nephylim]

I agree with what has been said above. The rule has to be First Be Safe.

 

I would strongly recommend that you watch some 'it gets better' vids on YouTube, they show you that, no matter how bad it is, how hard to hide who you truly are, there will come a time when you won't have to.

 

Everything changes, the good and the bad, it may be that you have no choices now but your situation will change, maybe sooner than you think, and your choices will change.

[AsmodeusBoy7]

thanks guys, and its ok really, my bestfriend found out by me being careless, but nstead of being freaked out or anything, she gives me tips on how to keep it hidden, and wat i ned to work on and stuff

[SkittlePrincess]

My Mother had always been supportive of my gay best friend when he was having a hard time at home, but she wasn't so keen on her own daughter being bi when I came out to her. I was lucky in that I was heading back to university the next day and she is starting to accept it as fact. Never put yourself in a situation that you're not comfortable with and never let go of that friend of yours - she'll be worth her weight in gold!!

[Bill W]

I can empathize completely with you and can only state what the others have said, be safe first and foremost. Have a safe place you can go to if anything ever comes to a head (such as a friends house), but do not tell anyone until you are absolutely ready for their reaction - either way.

 

I have three cousins and a nephew who are also gay, but none of us ever came out to the family. The family members suspect, and we've each overheard them make verious comments to each other about one of the others, but never to us. As long as they only suspect, nothing happens. However, if one of us were to actually come out, all bets are off. Therefore, we've all become really good at hiding it. Let's just say that it wasn't their fear of disapproval that kept us in the closet. Before my grandfather died, I believe that we all believed he would rather have seen us dead than embarrass the family by being 'queer.'

[Y_B]

You don't have to.

I feel there's a pressure on gay kids to come out and it's said to be the next step forward.

That's not always true.

If you don't want to, feel the need to or can be inconvenienced by it...then by all means, you. dont. have. to.

[sucre]

I agree with Yang Bang. I wouldn't come out quite yet especially since you're only sixteen. I know lots of kids in my city's youth LGBT choir who got kicked out of their houses just for being gay. You never know what your own parents might do, sad to say. Although, since I don't really know them, I can't necessarily say that's what they'd do exactly. It's best to get your life off to a stable start before making such a drastic decision as coming out if you run that risk.

[hh5]

Yaaa, my aunt and mama are homophobic. Not sure if my father is but I'll guess that he is since he is a tough guy to get along with. My sister-in-law knows. But the rest of my family doesn't. I presume they are not as open since we are not a very close family.

 

I am out to some people like one of my co-workers from two jobs ago, my college roommate after the fact, and other gay individuals I meet on the internet or in person.

 

I guess you have to follow your gut instincts about people. I guess if they are truly loving and tolerant people then its worth the gamble.

 

I guess another issue for you is that whoever you tell better be able to keep the Superman's secret most of the time. Not to tell anyone unless you tell them yourself.

 

Mmm, to keep it well hidden. LOL, I am so straight acting my gay college roommate was shocked.

The main idea is that I come from where bullies beat up the weak and a minority.

If they find out your gay -> dead meat.

 

Thats pretty much is the secret.

[Former Member]

I would say hope for the best but prepare for the worst. If you believe your family to be homophobic, I would wait until you've finished with school first,at least, then consider coming out. The best time to come out is really an individual one, and unique in every case.

I came across this video on You Tube recently, who is about seventeen himself, and has also described his parents as homophobic.

 

[DragonMando]

Well, my mom knows and she threw me out for it, if my dad doesn't know yet, he probably will by spring whether I want him to or not. My LGBTQ group is scripting an It Gets Better video and it'll be doing short interviews with all the members who are out/who've been outed.

 

I'm really tempted to just...casually not go for the weeks they're filming.

[johnlaw]

It's hard and you're not alone There are other people like this awesome guy

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95WenuM8-68&feature=feedu

 

 

Hope you find tons of support and love here.

 

I will have to agree. It's you're life and you're not living it for someone else. I guess this is the situation I am in but I really want to live my life to the fullest and having no regrets.

[Y_B]

Like a couple of people said. You're 16.

A lot is going to change in the next couple of years and you will change your mind just as much.

Don't do something today that you can't take back when you are 18, 20 or 25

Like having a kid by accident, getting a DWI and think it's funny, or coming out of the closet when it's not the right time.

[hh5]

Be inquisitive to knowing what goes on in your family so you know more about where you stand.

 

Example: Because of my father being hard to live with, I really never knew what boundaries I could occupy. My brothers never taught me things. Us siblings lived like we're in prison because Asian families are strict as well as not so trusting with relatives. Well that's how my family is. I'm sure other's are better. Perhaps if I knew a few things then perhaps I could have been a stronger person.

 

This is just an example. Not sure how it is in your family. Perhaps a lot better than an Asian family. But at least in common, this thread we have to talk about our human condition.

[Y_B]

Us siblings lived like we're in prison because Asian families are strict as well as not so trusting with relatives. Well that's how my family is.

 

....yea that's just your family.

[TrevorTime]

I told my mom when I was 15, but I knew before I told her, that her reaction would not be a negative one. Actually she was more surprised than anything, but she totally has my back.

 

However, I waited until just last year to tell my dad, because I thought for sure he would be disgusted or something similar. I get the feeling he is still not 100% on board with my "lifestyle", but he isn't homophobic or anything like that.

 

Pooter, unless you are totally sure your parents will be okay with your orientation, then it's best to stay in the closet.

[hh5]

....yea that's just your family.

 

not exactly, another family the kids at times rebel their mother strictness ... remember strictness includes physical abuse.

[Y_B]

not exactly, another family the kids at times rebel their mother strictness ... remember strictness includes physical abuse.

 

Everyone beats their kids. I do....I mean uhhh I would...yes that's right, would.

[Aximili Chaosmembrane]

I told my mom when I already had a job (and when my family was more or less dependent on me), and when I was sick, so she couldn't get too mad. I'm sure she got sad, but she's a strong woman, so she never show it.

 

But I never thought it necessary to tell her or anyone. It's just her teasing me with some girl or about dating girls that kinda got into me, so I decided to tell her. I used to think it'd be nice to share about my crushes and stuff, but since she gets negative when I talk about guys, I gave it up.

 

I don't tell people not because I hide it, but because I find it completely unnecessary. I mean, you don't hear straight people introducing themselves as straight, right? But those who spend enough time with me eventually find out, and if they don't like it, they leave. If they don't mind, then it's cool.

[littlebuddy]

I come from an ultra-progressive family, but the fear that they might flip a lid scared the crap of me. My ex came out to his family before I did, and that was what prodded me to do the same. But I understand your apprehension and hope the best.

 

lb.

[Elezbed]

Well before coming out to your family, you need to have a plan B just in case... Do some pay work, so you will have some money just in case. And at last wait until you don't depend of them anymore...

Good luck