Trials and Tribulations

[Billy Martin]

Trials and Tribulations is on hold until after the holidays, Sorry, medical issues.

[Billy Martin]

Chapter 10 is coming soon.

[Billy Martin]

Okay, I finally got chapter 10 out and published. I hope you enjoy it and feedback IS welcomed. Don't be shy or think you'll hurt my feelings. This is all new to me and I'm looking to learn from it. I think I've gotten better with each chapter, but if you don't agree, then I want to hear that too.

 

And never forget, if you like it, click it

[Bleu]

I also think that your writing is getting better, Billy. Sorry for not leaving you reviews: I usually read from my phone and it's a bit awkward to input a review.

 

Keep up the good work.

[Billy Martin]

I also think that your writing is getting better, Billy. Sorry for not leaving you reviews: I usually read from my phone and it's a bit awkward to input a review.

 

Keep up the good work.

 

I totally understand. So don't worry about it. I know it wasn't easy to leave this post using your phone

 

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. It means a lot and I do hope to learn from all of this.

 

And dont forget ladies and gentlemen, it you like it, click it.

[option]

Ive got as far as chapter 5 so far, so some observations;

 

 

theres quite a bit of unneccesary repitition, eg the description of getting ready every morning, the bumping of everyones fists

 

 

keeping track of the tenses, & what the character would actually know, is important

eg

Is that understood?” Dad said to the nurse who clearly knew who he was.

“Yes sir.” She said and told me to follow her to an empty room with Joey.

She told Joey to take off his shirt and that she would be right back. After she left, I helped Joey take off his shirt for the second time today.

Dad told the Deputies to check the lobby for Miss Anderson and the State Detective. He then walked outside and made a couple of phone calls.

While Joey and I were waiting on the nurse to return, Dad walked in.

in this example, theres no indication that Dad followed the nurse to the room, we know that Joey & Andy did.

so how does Andy then know what his dad was doing?

theres no way for him to know, unless theres some dialogue from Dad

[Billy Martin]

Ive got as far as chapter 5 so far, so some observations;

 

 

theres quite a bit of unneccesary repitition, eg the description of getting ready every morning, the bumping of everyones fists

 

 

keeping track of the tenses, & what the character would actually know, is important

eg

 

 

in this example, theres no indication that Dad followed the nurse to the room, we know that Joey & Andy did.

so how does Andy then know what his dad was doing?

theres no way for him to know, unless theres some dialogue from Dad

 

Good points and I hoped I have gotten better with each chapter. I could say that Andy knew because as they went towards the room, he over heard him telling the deputy what to do and he saw his dad walking outside pulling out his phone.

 

However, I could have made that plainer and will do so in the future. That's something that should have been caught and corrected. I'm sorry.

 

I corrected it this way...

 

“Yes sir.” She said and told me to follow her to an empty room with Joey. As we followed her I overheard my Dad tell the Deputies to check the lobby for Miss Anderson and the State Detective. He then walked outside and pulling out his phone I assumed to make a phone call.

 

Thank you for you comments and observations.

 

 

~Billy~

[Billy Martin]

Chapter 11 is about ready to post. It's with the editor now for final editing So stay tune!

[Billy Martin]

I have to take the time to stop what I'm doing and thank those of you who thought this story was worthy enough to nominate it for Best Story and Best Story by a new author. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would be possible when I first decided to write a story.

 

When I started I had a vague idea where the story would go, but not how I would get there. Each week so many of you have encouraged me and slapped my hand when I had negative thoughts concerning my abilities. I must confess that I am probably enjoying the story as much as you are. I just hope that with the help of Ryan and Wayne, I can at least maintain the level in story tellin as I find myself now, to be able to finish a story we have come to enjoy.

 

And dont forget ladies and gentlemen, it you like it, click it.

 

~Billy~

[podiumdavis]

I think you've off to a great start here Billy, keep the good work up Just remember that you get better at writing with practise. It took about 5 chapters for me to get my groove.

[Billy Martin]

I think you've off to a great start here Billy, keep the good work up Just remember that you get better at writing with practise. It took about 5 chapters for me to get my groove.

 

Thank you podiumdavis! I hope you enjoy the story

[Billy Martin]

Chapter 11 is now posted for your reading pleasure

[Billy Martin]

I really don't mind questions or comments about the story. Ideas you may have for the story are welcomed as well. So, feel welcome to say whatever you have on your mind concerning the story. I won't bite, I promise

[Billy Martin]

I'm looking for feed-back here concerning a scene in chapter 12. The scene takes place in church. Without giving too much away, the pastor is giving his Sunday morning service sermon. The whole sermon is NOT quoted, but a couple of verses and a small story is a part of the dialogue. The message is positive towards gays and a positive stance is take by some.

 

My question is this: Is this too much religion, even though it will play an important part in later chapters?

 

I really need your opinion on this.

 

~Billy~

[Benji]

I'm looking for feed-back here concerning a scene in chapter 12. The scene takes place in church. Without giving too much away, the pastor is giving his Sunday morning service sermon. The whole sermon is NOT quoted, but a couple of verses and a small story is a part of the dialogue. The message is positive towards gays and a positive stance is take by some.

 

My question is this: Is this too much religion, even though it will play an important part in later chapters?

 

I really need your opinion on this.

 

~Billy~

 

I'm looking for feed-back here concerning a scene in chapter 12. The scene takes place in church. Without giving too much away, the pastor is giving his Sunday morning service sermon. The whole sermon is NOT quoted, but a couple of verses and a small story is a part of the dialogue. The message is positive towards gays and a positive stance is take by some.

 

My question is this: Is this too much religion, even though it will play an important part in later chapters?

 

I really need your opinion on this.

 

~Billy~

 

I'm looking for feed-back here concerning a scene in chapter 12. The scene takes place in church. Without giving too much away, the pastor is giving his Sunday morning service sermon. The whole sermon is NOT quoted, but a couple of verses and a small story is a part of the dialogue. The message is positive towards gays and a positive stance is take by some.

 

My question is this: Is this too much religion, even though it will play an important part in later chapters?

 

I really need your opinion on this.

 

~Billy~

 

....................... IMHO, religion play a part in most stories, especially gay ones. If it factors in later chapters I say go for it.

[Billy Martin]

Thank you Benji

[Billy Martin]

Chapter 12 is now posted. I hope you enjoy it

[Billy Martin]

Who is looking for chapter 13?

[Benji]

Who is looking for chapter 13?

 

.........I'm sure anyone that is following it!!

[C J]

Is chapter 13 hard to see? Maybe it's invisible or something....

[Billy Martin]

ghostboy, you are wise beyond your years.

[Andrew Q Gordon]

Way to go Billy!!!!! Congrats on the Award!!

 

Of course now we expect great things for you now - no pressure

[Benji]

...............Especially a new chapter!

[Daddydavek]

Billy

 

Just wanted to add my congrats for your win. I hope it inspires you to keep writing and working to be the best author that you can be! Dave

 

 

[Billy Martin]

Thank you Daddy! And thank you to everyone that voted for the story. When I started the story, I had no idea that I could actually put together a story others would like. I'll be honest, I'm kind of speechless right now. Thank you everyone that read the story, voted for the story, clicked on like it, and left a review.

 

Thank you Travis for editing the first nine chapters. I know you dropped everything to put your all into the work you did. *kiss on the cheek*

 

Thank you Ryan for editing the last three chapters. You stepped in when I really needed someone, even when things in your life wasn't the best. You have the soul of a teacher and the heart of a friend.

 

Thank you Wayne. You do as much work as I do writing this story; so, Andy and Joey are as much your children as they are mine. You have a full time job and yet you give so much of yourself to so many others. You're a saint to everyone you touch. You're family. *Hugs and Kisses*

 

Again, thank you to everyone that has supported me in this endeavor. I love you all.

 

~Billy~