Creative Writing Activity #2: Show and Tell

[Renee Stevens]

Since I know that some of have been told that they need to show, not tell, I thought this could be a very helpful activity. Let me know if you have any questions and after writing your piece, please post it in the forum for feedback! Thanks!!!

 

Show and Tell

Children in elementary school look forward to show & tell days eagerly. After all, it's the day that they can openly bring their special treasures to school and share them with everyone. But the point isn't just to bring the objects to school, but to tell others about them, to share details that help others understand why an ordinary teddy bear or a banged up toy dump truck is something special. For your writing assignment, choose something for show & tell, but rather than bringing your object to class, your job is to write a short story or poem that shows us the object and tells us why it's important to you. You'll need to use lots of details to demonstrate the significance of the object -- use your words to create images that *show* readers the object and why it is important to you.

[comicfan]

Okay, I'll take a stab at this.

 

Sitting here before you is an old friend of mine, Teddy Bear. Teddy has been with me for close to thirty six years now. Not many people can say they have a friend for that long. Looking at Teddy today we see his cracked face, spots where the fur has been hugged off, the stitches where repairs were made, and little seam that use to hold his music box. One look at Teddy and you know this bear has been well loved and taken care of.

When Teddy was new to the world, he was a dark brown bear with bright brown eyes, and big smiling face. His red tongue always looked like he had just taken a lick of a cherry ice. I first met Teddy when he was a resident of a family friend’s bed, named Dot. He proudly sat there and watched over her room, being a gift from one of her close friends, namely my grandmother. However, Teddy soon captured my attention on a visit to her home one summer. Dot saw how captivated I was with Teddy, wound his music box, and handed him over to me to hold. As simple as that a close friendship was born. When the time came to leave and head home, Dot sent Teddy home with me. When my grandmother learned I had Teddy she only laughed and shook her head.

Teddy Bear spent many years at my side. He was my constant companion and confident. He knew all my secrets and desires. Being the sort of bear he is he has never told a soul. Over the years his thick brown fur grew thin and was hugged off and he became a bare bear. He had trips to the hospital to fix up his stitching and when his music box finally died it was gently removed by my mother. Over the years Teddy has had many roles, in fact, he has been a soldier, an Indian, a friend, and secret keeper. Teddy watched Saturday morning cartoons with me, stayed at my side when I was sick, and never failed to have a ready smile for me when I was down. As I grew he went from being constantly at my side, to my bed partner at night, to watching over my bed, to now staying safely here in the closet so nothing happens to my old friend.

So this is my teddy bear, a dear old friend. Something I have loved and cherished for more years then most people have been alive and one I am glad I have hung onto.

[Naptowngirl]

I can't lie. I wrote this as soon as we got the assigment, was just too chickened to post it, but here it is short, not sure about sweet. If it's not obvious, I'm showing the letter.

 

~*~*~

 

The night air was damp and still, no wind blowing whatsoever. The only breeze I was privileged to was what I created as I sat on the porch swing. Beads of perspiration glistened across my bare chest; there wasn’t a part of my body that wasn’t moist. I stared off into the twilight sky my mind littered with thoughts of him.

Would I wait for him? Of course I would. I would wait forever if he asked me to.

This afternoon, Scott and I said good-bye to each other at the train station. I felt like such a girl, crying like a baby…like I would never see him again. His arms felt strong around me and I felt safe in them as he held me tightly, whispering how much he loved me in my ear. I can still smell his breath; sweet, minty like spearmint gum with the sugar still in it.

As he released me from his embrace he handed me an envelope and made me promise not to open it until midnight. With shaky hands and sweaty fingers I rip open the seal, my heart pounding within my chest, only he can evoke such emotions within me.

The paper; heavy, thick the color of fresh pearls feels rough against the pad of my finger tips it’s as if I can feel the wood used to make it. It’s folded in three parts and as I lift the folded edge I can smell his scent; fresh citrus and woodsy. It’s not overwhelming, it’s just enough to make me miss him more. I close my eyes, inhaling deeply as I allow my fingers to trace over the raised lettering of his swift pen. The feel of the words and the thought behind them were just a profound as the actual words themselves.

Why is this letter so important to me, you may ask, because it’s the first of many; our only means of communication until my man returns home.

 

He’s so eloquent with words and a master with the pen, let me show you.

 

My Love,

 

By the time you read this I will be miles and miles away but in spirit I am there with you…

[Renee Stevens]

Wayne~

 

I loved your description of your teddy bear. I think it really shows how most children feel about their beloved childhood toy, whether it is a teddy bear or some other special toy. It made me want to reach out and cuddle that bear like it is described. Great Job!!! Thinking about the "bare" bear, I wonder, what color is the fabric that was underneath all the fur? It it a tan, black, grey, etc? Also, after so many years, how have his eyes held up? Is there one that maybe is hanging on by a thread? Just a few thoughts!

 

Kim~

 

I think my favorite part of yours was when you describe the paper that the letter is on. I could clearly picture it, the texture, the color, everything. Awesome job on it! The one question that remains in my mind though is what color is the ink on the paper? How do the words flow over the paper? Are they cursive, with one letter flowing into the next or are they blocky? Just a couple of things to think on.

 

 

Overall, great job to the both of you.

[Johnathan Colourfield]

Finally got a chance to have a go at an exercise!

 

**

 

The object I’m thinking of probably won’t seem very special to you guys, but I guess most things don’t. This object is something that my mum wears. It’s a golden locket on a golden chain with two pictures inside.

 

Not really something that major but I guess it means a lot to me because it’s a photo of me and then of my brother. My family means a lot, even though I mean a lot. It feels as if I’m always here, in that locket, when I’m away. I guess its comforting for my mum as well when I am away.

 

It’s only a small little thing, but you know what they say: big things start in small places.

[Naptowngirl]

Thanks Renee, I didn't think about that...I got ya, next time

[Renee Stevens]

Hey Johnathan!

 

Thanks for giving this a go! I really like your description about how it feels to be one of the pictures in the locket and how it makes you feel like your always there! I do still have a couple of questions about the locket itself though. We know that it's gold, but is it still as bright as the day it was bought or is there maybe parts of it that are slightly dull, maybe from the mom touching it when she's thinking about the kids in it. Also, what shape is it? Is it a heart shaped locket or is it an oval locket? What about the chain? Does it hang from a long chain so that it rests over the heart or is a shorter chain the makes the locket nestle just under the neck? Thanks for sharing!

 

Anyone else want to give their thoughts on these pieces?

[Renee Stevens]

I loved seeing the responses so far to this activity! Anyone who wants to, can take the suggestions to revise if you would like.

[comicfan]

Well as an author I am usually blind to my own mistakes so your suggestion about the fabric beneath I can do, but no Teddy still has his bright brown eyes and they are not hanging by a string, thank you very much.

 

Kim - I loved yours. There was a depth of detail there but Renee pointed out ways for even more. Nicely done.

 

Jonathan - I would love to know more about this locket. Is the locket heart shaped or oval? Does it have filigree work on it or a cameo on the front? Is it engraved? Is this her favorite piece of jewelry? Does she update the photos or are the pictures of you and your brother as children? Is this the piece most people will find your mother wearing in the holiday pictures or this something she will be seen wearing if you catch her at the sink with your phone camera on Wednesday night? You seemed a bit tentative. Don't worry about going overboard, if you do your editor can always cut it back, but the more you give us the easier it is to picture that locket which means so much to you and your mother.

[Renee Stevens]

Wayne: Well, then tell me that his eyes are still the same bright brown they were when he was new!

[CassieQ]

I'm pretty sure this isn't what Renee was asking for, but it is what I came up with anyway.

 

* * *

 

You started with a spark. Small, smoldering, but you are not the type to stay unnoticed for long. You slithered up siding and coiled around drapes, feeding your hunger until your power was unstoppable. We quailed before you, ran from your rage and stood in awe of your terrible beauty. You laughed at those who tried to quench you, stood tall and furious in your rapture, a halo of light and heat. You danced in your shades of red, yellow, orange and gold, but kept the blue heart of yourself secret from our astonished eyes. You rolled, undulated and leapt before our dazzled faces. Graceful and languid, you broke apart and came back together, a seamless merge of heat that baked my face and brought moisture to my eyes. You arched into the dark sky, gathering oxygen to fuel your ravenous unending hunger. As your unstoppable appetite consumed, you belched dark oily smoke into the air. It drifted poison fingers too close to my lungs and I coughed, my body struggling to send the toxicity back into the air, the sky, where it rose up to hide the stars. Your dangerous dance usually enchanted, but that night it left me in tears. You are not containable, you are untouchable, and I cannot trap you in a bottle or box to bring to show and tell. But you are wonderful, you are terrible and I will survive you.

[Naptowngirl]

Love everyone's little stories, it was fun and I can honestly say I took something away from this exercise...can't want for the next one.