What's Love and Infatuation

[Ashi]

I wanted to write a blog about it, but instead, I think I'll just ask the question: What does love and infatuation mean to you? What's the difference? Have you ever been mistaken one for the other?

 

I want to discuss about romantic love and infatuation, as they're the most confused about. That is, no platonic love, parental love, friendships, or sexual (eros) type of love, please. It'll keep things more focused and manageable because they're really abstract and hard to grasp conceptual words.

[Y_B]

Not really something that can be described in words imo, it's something you gotta feel for yourself and know the difference, whatever that may be for you.

 

 

I've never "been in love" in the commercialized way, and even in my own interpretation of "love", it hasn't come by...my 1 failed relationship was God awful, but no hard feelings, I learned a lot. Infatuation on the other hand is easy to spot. I fall hard, fast, and short for people more often than it does me any good but I've got a pretty good handle on it now to know when it happens and that it's most likely temporary. Meaning, i won't be the one to ask someone to marry me after the 3rd date. I don't sit around and think about "love". ever. If it happens, it happens, however that may be, as if I would know...it's just a word people made up to conceptualize a feeling and how the f*ck am I suppose to know what a feeling is before I feel it? Actually, it's more than a feeling, it's a condition and circumstance, and again neither have come my way.

[Y_B]

The last guy I was infatuated with (and since it was recent, I'm still coming down from it), I was so senselessly crazy passionate about him it drove me wild. Key word is senseless...it didn't make any sense. I knew him for like 2 days and it was only on-paper stuff. But we connected instantly and so well it was just offff the wallll. At one point I think we both just sat there in disbelief thinking...ok yesterday I didn't even know you and now you suddenly seem integral to my life or something. Yes, we became that retarded...but I didn't think for a second this was "love at first sight" or any of that bullshit. We were two guys caught up in the moment and had a really great time. No expectations...'tho I couldn't stop thinking about him for like the next 2 days but I came off of it, and I'm sure he did too. It's not like we had a choice, I'm no longer even in that city but I still like him a bunch and have his number and next time I visit, I'll probably give him a call and if we become friends, great. But yeah, thats my classic example of crazy stupid infatuation.

[Krista]

Substance is the biggest difference. Love and infatuation can be intense. There can be yearning, disappointment, highs, and lows. In Love there is often a past.. you've known them, known about them, something. In infatuation there usually isn't that strong bond that only time can make. It usually happens quickly, lasts for awhile, then the disappointment or differences doesn't allow it to move along to anything else... it is just infatuation.

 

Infatuation can lead to love... if there is something between the two that can take it to that elevated step.

[Cia]

It is very simple for me. You can have infatuation, which I consider a fancy word for lust. You WANT a person. Doesn't necessarily have to be solely sexual but that's the long and short of it. It can be instant or a sudden change in how you view a person you already know.

 

Love grows between two people, and you can look back and recognize the connection with the person you love from the beginning, but it never starts 'at first sight'. It's not instant but it can be just as crazy intense as lust. You have to spend time with them, know them and be with them, in order to love a person. It's more encompassing and a lot stronger. It's like the recognition you feel inside that this person is part of you, and no matter what, they always will be. It's a commitment and a promise to be there for them, to accept them for who they are. And if you're lucky as hell, they feel the same way back.

[Ashi]

To me love lasts longer, and something strong enough, I would sacrifice myself without thinking too much. Infatuation is temporary, but very acute attraction. It's easy to get over with infatuation. Love makes me think about the person a lot..., and could make me laugh silly or sometimes cry just think about the person. If I ever think about a past infatuation, it's probably something like "what was I thinking?" rather than "those were the days." Love can make me think about the possibility of organize a family together and endure hardship together than being apart (I don't know why some people can keep a long distance relationship, because I can't). I don't think I can make a compromise with someone I don't love. I might make concession and apologize even if I am right, if I really love that someone.

 

Infatuation can lead to love... if there is something between the two that can take it to that elevated step.

 

I think that hits the nail in the head, for me anyways. I consider them as very different things, but infatuation definitely can lead to love, but it can just as easily be some really silly crush. I think most of my previous love experience is infatuation turned into love type of stuff. Which makes sense, because I need time to trust someone. And love definitely comes after I started to trust that someone.

 

Not really something that can be described in words imo, it's something you gotta feel for yourself and know the difference, whatever that may be for you.

 

I've never "been in love" in the commercialized way, and even in my own interpretation of "love", it hasn't come by...my 1 failed relationship was God awful, but no hard feelings, I learned a lot. Infatuation on the other hand is easy to spot. I fall hard, fast, and short for people more often than it does me any good but I've got a pretty good handle on it now to know when it happens and that it's most likely temporary. Meaning, i won't be the one to ask someone to marry me after the 3rd date. I don't sit around and think about "love". ever. If it happens, it happens, however that may be, as if I would know...it's just a word people made up to conceptualize a feeling and how the f*ck am I suppose to know what a feeling is before I feel it? Actually, it's more than a feeling, it's a condition and circumstance, and again neither have come my way.

 

I feel at times you're really stupid (probably one of the stupidestest people I've ever associated with), but at times, I think you might just do as my BFF, which probably puts me on the same level as you. But I suppose I don't mind because I am an old boy now. Though I still need to learn to be more honest about my personal feeling, instead of let my self-esteem play a game on me (though I really wanted to click on "remove as friend" button on you more than once...).

 

Even if you didn't post your second post, I knew you are one of those crazily in love easily and hard one moment, and get back to normal the next type of guy (you are so Gemini). You're that transparent (but I thank you for writing that post , because I need confirmation). At times I envy you. I wish I could be just like you when it comes to love. I think my fear for rejection is severely enough that I need to seek some professional consultation.

 

I am not sure what you mean by "love in the commercialized way." Anyways, I don't really think love can be bought. I do think about "love." Not about a particular person, but the concept of it. I think my homosexuality makes me think about it a lot, and makes me treasure it a lot more than straight couples around me (I have a cousin in the process of divorce). Maybe that's why I could never say I love someone unless I can keep the promise. I voted no on Prop 8 in California. That was like the first time I ever voted. It was that important to me. So yeah, to me love is really "til death doth us apart" type of stuff, but not something one should talk about on the third date either (that's too freaky, and probably not love but infatuation).

 

Anyways, I don't think what you said about the fling about that guy you fell for it in two days that atypical (for you ), and awkwardness is bound to happen, but you guys got sober, right? So I don't think it's that unhealthy. I used to work in place where most people around me were near a decade younger than me, so it's not like it's the first time I've heard young people describe everything about their love lives in such detail anyways.... I guess they don't realize my generation don't talk about everything in public (though 90's was very open, but not that open). So yeah, next time remember that when you want to talk about sex-related stuff (condom thing is near my limit..., but I guess I am pretty uptight ). You don't want me to suffer from a stroke, are you?

 

I wonder if some people find this topic helpful in their story writing. I am not sure I will ever finish another story, but it's an important topic to think about when writing a romantic novel, to think about different definitions of love.

[Warrior1]

I think infatuation is similar to lust in a number of ways. Both are mostly based on outward appearances of the person without much inner-knowledge about him or her.

 

Love, on the other hand encompasses a lot more - things like trust, respect, understanding, commitment, etc must be present there to a certain degree.

Edited August 2, 2012 by Warrior1

[TommyZ]

I think infatuation a lot of times has to do with what you think someone is like, not what they actually are like. Most of the time some one that is infatuated with someone else does not listen to that person.

 

True love has a lot to do with listening. You probably would start with infatuation and then, hopefully, that would develop into true love

[podga]

I'd like to extend the definition of infatuation, because I don't think it's limited to lust. I've become infatuated with colleagues, women, ideas, none of which I've felt the least sexual attraction towards. For me it's a craze, something I cannot define logically (and might not even want to), and it mostly has to do with where I am at a certain point, how I feel.

 

Love is caring about the other more than myself, about wanting to know him or her, about wanting to be there for them more than I need them to be there for me. It's something that needs to be nurtured in order to grow and flourish. There might be some chemistry involved, some sort of magic, but that can also come along the way.

 

And Ashi, speaking as one who was in a long-distance relationship for a lot longer than I was in a close-distance one (same guy, fortunately!), I think the main reason was exactly that we loved each other. Especially in this day and age, long-distance physically doesn't mean long-distance emotionally. We could keep on nurturing our relationship. In a way it was even easier, because we weren't subject to the normal wear-and-tear of daily life together, where you have to consider when the other wants to eat, or if he feels like going to the movies or running an errand, but it was also more difficult, because lack of physical contact also made it impossible to count on daily routines (or make-up sex ) to smoothe out problems between us. We had to really resolve issues, otherwise we might as well have called it quits.

[joann414]

Love is when you find someone, become friends, confidants, lovers, and soulmates, and want to be with that person, more than any other person.

 

Infatuation is when you are attracted to someone, finally interract, kiss them, blah,blah,blah, and you realise it was just purely something you thought you had to have, but didn't. Sometimes when you actually act on the infatuation, you are like,what was i thinking? JMO