why is coming out so hard for some

[Graeme]

I say we start our own gay only country

Why start our own? Why not join the one that's already been started?

 

Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea Islands

[Thorn Wilde]

I say we start our own gay only country

 

That would kind of exclude a lot of the people who have contributed to this thread... Just saying.

[Ron]

I say we start our own gay only country

 

I know you meant this tongue in cheek  but we are better off distributed around the world. It makes it difficult to wipe us all out with one stroke. I hate to be negative, but it is something I think that many wouldn't mind doing. The easier the better and not soon enough for them. Despite any headway, their rancor at our existence and the hate that that brings with it will sadly be around for a long, long time. The fight for equality is not over yet and we should be mindful of it, always.

[Celethiel]

in my thoughts, the fight for equality will never be over... because humanity is a tribal species... they fear and ostrocise what they don't understand... if it isn't gays it's something else... women, other races, ... aliens if we ever meet them...

[Rndmrunner]

At my age i have seen a huge change in the landscape. Where i live being gay has gone from being a dirty little secret to accepted, legal and our relationships are endorsed. The province where i live has a premier who is openly lesbian. That said, i live in a large urban centre and even in the outer suburbs the landscape is very different. There some kids come out thinking it will be fine based on what they see in the media and on TV and find out that they are bullied and isolated. When i was coming out it was common to wait till you have finished your schooling and were independent just in case it all went south.  That still holds for many and for some coming out is still not an option. People have to choose for themselves when it is okay to come out and where they want to do it. 

 

The problem is that while it is still sometimes smart to stay in the closet, the very safety (or perception of it) keeps some people there long after it is necessary. I also have an acquaintance who came out in his late 40's. His biggest problem was that friends were hurt that he had not trusted them. Now he is also learning about relationships and it is painful; it is better to feel like a teenager when you are still in your teens. His peers may sympathize but they don't want to date someone who is dealing with issues that they have long dealt with long ago. 

[Kitt]

I'm in a similar boat with Rndmrunner, in that things have changed considerably since I was in high school. Being a straight old lady perhaps I look at things very differently than most of you do. From my POV things will not really be right till everyone gets that a persons choice in sexual partners is no one else's business.  Some day the terms gay and straight will be obsolete. Hopefully my grandchildren will know that time, but in the meantime it is up to us "straight and accepting" people to help institute change. The bottom line is that it really is not an issue a gay person can change - it's the bigoted straight community that needs the help.

 

When I was in high school, a friend got up the nerve to tell me he was gay in our senior year. I had known since we were freshmen at least, probably even earlier. I think I just didn't understand enough about sexuality in general before that to connect the dots. He was so shocked when I shrugged and asked him if he thought that he was any different than he was yesterday. He had not changed in the 24 hours, why should I?

 

I know Cele was speaking tongue in cheek, but that sort of separatism DOES exist, and it is not helping the GLBT cause. Reverse discrimination does not help the issue. I have seen instances where gay rights were defended so vehemently that it created a problem that did not exist. When I introduced myself to one woman at the stable where I work part time she assumed I was there to tell her to stay away from the riding students because of her sexuality and proceeded to lay into me about how wrong that was. Had she kept her damn mouth shut she would have found I was simply going to ask her to comply with a request not to mix grain mashes in the restrooms as the grains clog the drains. No one, including me, would ever have known she was a lesbian if she hadn't started lecturing me on how "not different" she was!  The openly gay guy that stables with us was laughing his ass off at her since - in his words - i am the most easy going straight old lady he knows!

[Never Surrender]

From my POV things will not really be right till everyone gets that a persons choice in sexual partners is no one else's business.  Some day the terms gay and straight will be obsolete. Hopefully my grandchildren will know that time, but in the meantime it is up to us "straight and accepting" people to help institute change. The bottom line is that it really is not an issue a gay person can change - it's the bigoted straight community that needs the help.

I know Cele was speaking tongue in cheek, but that sort of separatism DOES exist, and it is not helping the GLBT cause. Reverse discrimination does not help the issue. I have seen instances where gay rights were defended so vehemently that it created a problem that did not exist. 

 

This - although im sure that Cel was joking, i can only imagine the uproar that would happen if someone had suggested that instead, we have 'straight-only' countries. My viewpoint has always been that i don't care who you want to sleep with in your free time, as long as its a consensual adult relationship. My sexuality is still a major question mark for me, but if you asked me i would say that i was straight. Having also had problems with reverse discrimination, i would agree with Kitt that this is a very real problem, and one that should not be ignored. Attack is not always the best form of defence. 

[Sasha Distan]

This - although im sure that Cel was joking, i can only imagine the uproar that would happen if someone had suggested that instead, we have 'straight-only' countries.

 

good point. i like integration.

[Thorn Wilde]

in my thoughts, the fight for equality will never be over... because humanity is a tribal species... they fear and ostrocise what they don't understand... if it isn't gays it's something else... women, other races, ... aliens if we ever meet them...

 

That doesn't mean it's not something to work towards, though. Will we eliminate discrimination/inequality/racism/homophobia/misogyny entirely? Probably not. But look how far we've come already. We keep fighting, we keep making the world a better place, and hopefully one day, decent people will so far outnumber bigots that the bigots no longer have a say. 

[Warrior1]

Because being a gay is a difference social experience than being straight.

 

Live in a country where you can be punished (even death) for your sexuality, where your parents can disown you, lock you up in the house, or simply take you to some pseudopsychiatrists and give you "alternative medicines" to "cure" your sexuality, where your friends and jobs and your mental health and sanity are dependent on your sexuality ... well, coming out ain't just difficult. Sometimes it's an impossibility. It's such a strong taboo -- and unknown issue -- that a lot of people can't even come out to themselves, let alone their family members or friend circles.

 

But things are changing. Can we hope for a day when there won't be any coming out, because our parents and everyone will simply assume the person is either a straight or gay or bi, and won't bother? Yes, maybe, but today is not the day.

[Ashi]

But things are changing. Can we hope for a day when there won't be any coming out, because our parents and everyone will simply assume the person is either a straight or gay or bi, and won't bother? Yes, maybe, but today is not the day.

 

"...but today is not the day" used to be my favorite sentence add-on.  Attach it to any sentence, it'll magically become depressing.

 

"Future is going to brighter, but today is not the day."

 

"Let's have a flaming gay party, but today is not the day."

 

"One day I'll get some steamy hot sex, but today is not the day."

 

However, consider replacing it with "...just add bacon."

 

"Future is going to be brighter, just add bacon."

 

"Let's have a flaming gay party, just add bacon"

 

"One day I'll get some steamy hot sex, just add bacon."

 

"OMG, I am gonna have a heart attack, just add bacon."

[Kitt]

Works both ways Ashi - try this one on for size:

 

     Yea we are all going to die - but today is not the day.

[Warrior1]

"...but today is not the day" used to be my favorite sentence add-on.  Attach it to any sentence, it'll magically become depressing.

 

"Future is going to brighter, but today is not the day."

 

"Let's have a flaming gay party, but today is not the day."

 

"One day I'll get some steamy hot sex, but today is not the day."

 

However, consider replacing it with "...just add bacon."

 

"Future is going to be brighter, just add bacon."

 

"Let's have a flaming gay party, just add bacon"

 

"One day I'll get some steamy hot sex, just add bacon."

 

"OMG, I am gonna have a heart attack, just add bacon."

 

Uh, if you find the fact that in most cultures out there, gay people are not accepted like straight people "depressing" as a thought, then yes, "today is not the day" will also make you feel 'depressed'. It is a FACT that, though in a lot of culture things are moving in a positive direction (for gay people), today is still not the day where we can all express ourselves openly without any fear or anything. The world keeps evolving, and no matter how far we have come forward, today will never be the day where we will all become perfect and stop evolving socially.

 

Is it depressing? yes, but then, the fact that things are at least changing is a positive (ala, non-depressing) thought. So, as a whole, I wouldn't say "today is not the day" is a depressing line because the line itself implies there has been some definitive improvements.

 

Works both ways Ashi - try this one on for size:

 

     Yea we are all going to die - but today is not the day.

Sorry, but that just made me giggle.

[Kitt]

Was sort of the point!  Everything is a matter of perspective and if we choose to allow a phrase to be depressing it will make the truly depressing things in our lives so much worse.

[Ashi]

And that's the whole point of my post..., ligthen things up!  Come on!  I know that works either way!  I thought the last punch line was sort of like a give-away....  :grunts:  Now I'm depressed.  I am an unfunny comedian.  (just kidding, please don't call suicide hot line)