poetry Poetry Prompt 6 – Elegy

[Former Member]

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Poetry Prompt 6 – Elegy

 

Let's Write a Tennyson-style Elegy!

We have studied how verse form relates to certain patterns, like line length, using end-of-line rhymes for emphasis and memorability, and stanza patterns like the Tanka, Haiku, and Couplet.

We can build on that by practicing with the four-line structure of the Elegy, which is like a pair of couplets split up to be a-b-b-a in its rhymes.        

The Elegy belongs to a group of lyric poetry including the Pastoral and the Eclogue. This form is ancient, and city-bound Hellenistic Greeks used to dream of getting back to nature through such popular pieces. While the other two forms promoted bucolic bliss, the Elegy spoke of loss – more often than not, of one handsome shepherd being taken by someone rich and powerful to 'the city,' and his equally handsome and lonely shepherd mate having to deal with the separation.[1] In this sense Shakespeare's poem Venus and Adonis is an Elegy, as the goddess has to suffer the rather comic rebuff of the beautiful boy before ultimately losing him altogether.

 

With this, he breaketh from the sweet embrace

Of those fair arms which bound him to her breast,

And homeward through the dark laund[2] runs apace;

Leaves Love upon her back deeply distrest.

Look, how a bright star shooteth from the sky,

So glides he in night from Venus' eye.

 

Later, continuing to run from the goddesses' lust-driven pursuit, the beautiful teen boy is gored and killed by a boar. So in this we come to how the Elegy has been most often used in English: a lament for a departed loved one. Even though it is usually thought of as a death song, good Elegies still retain the element of nature as a sub-theme.

For our purposes of studying how to write one, I will stick with examples from arguably one the greatest same-sex love poems ever written (and one sadly few bother to read today); Tenneyson's In Memoriam contains the lines:

 

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

 

And the man he loved, Arthur Hallam, must have been a remarkable soul, for the expanse of In Memoriam is as passionate and sweeping as its near contemporary poem, The Leaves of Grass. Tennyson deals with his loss by questioning everything – Christian hypocrisy against same-sex love, faith versus reason, love being stronger than doubt and hate, even Creationism versus Evolution. And ever in the background is nature and how it brings the poet back to the presence of his beloved. Take for example these strophes from 95:

 

By night we lingered on the lawn,

For underfoot the herb was dry;

And genial warmth; and o'er the sky

The silvery haze of summer drawn;

 

And calm that let the tapers burn

Unwavering: not a cricket chirped:

The brook alone far-off was heard,

And on the board a fluttering urn: 

 

But when those others, one by one,

Withdrew themselves from me and night,

And in the house light after light

Went out, and I was all alone,

 

Then strangely on the silence broke

The silent-speaking words, and strange

Was love's dumb cry defying change

To test his worth; and strangely spoke.

 

So word by word, and line by line,

The dead man touched from the past,

And all at once it seemed at last

His living soul was flashed on mine,

 

And mine in his was wound and whirled[3]

About empyreal heights of thought,

And came on that which is, and caught

The deep pulsations of the world.

 

So, sucked from out the distant gloom

A breeze began to tremble o'er

The large leaves of the sycamore,

And fluctuate all the still perfume.  

                  

Here we can see what I mean when I say the rhyme pattern is like a pair of Couplets split up, and note that Tennyson chose to stick with a lyrical 8-syllable line length throughout. There is a grandeur to these lines, but I chose to show them first for how beautifully he weaves in the presence of both nature and the memory of the departed. But that does not always have to so blatant. Easier to follow are the four stanzas of 73:

 

So many worlds, so much to do,

So little done, such things to be,

How know I what had need of thee,

For thou wert strong as thou wert true?

 

The fame is quenched that I foresaw,

The head hath missed an earthly wreath:

I curse not nature, no, nor death;

For nothing is that errs from law.

 

We pass; the path that each man trod

Is dim, or will be dim, with weeds:

What frame is left for human deeds

In endless age? It rests with God.

 

O hollow wraith of drying fame,

Fade wholly, while the soul exults,

And self-infolds the large results

Of force that would have forged a name.

 

So here, I hope you noticed right away, Tennyson used the exact form and line pattern, but achieved something markedly different from 95. His anxiety almost beats with a heartbeat as we read his words, and 'nature' becomes thought of human nature and of how natural it is for two people to love one another.

The prompt: write your own set of four-lined Elegy stanzas. The theme is 'Remember,' and I encourage all of you to submit your work to Irri for the spring anthology. Keep the rhyme pattern a-b-b-a, use as many stanzas as you like, but maintain a consistent 8-syllable line. Play with it; your poem does not have to be about death or loss, just remembrance.       

 

 

 

 

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[1] The two young shepherds who were household names in ancient and Renaissance times were Corydon and Alexis. They were as well known a couple as Romeo and Juliet is to us and the story of how their pure love and passionate devotion to one another was tested by the glitz and fakeness of hypocrisy was written about time and time again. Marlowe's famous lines of "Come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove" is Corydon speaking to Alexis. (See Chapter 3 of Bruce R. Smith's 1991 literary survey of same-sex love in Shakespeare's England)       

[2] Laund = a grassy meadow

[3] The 'his' of this line and the line above are the originals. Tennyson's son later systematically went through the poem and edited parts he felt were too 'gay.' Thus in this line he craftily added a 't' to make a nonsensical 'this': "And mine in this was wound". Unfortunately this was one of his favorite ways to deface the manuscript. Sometimes, as in the case of "His living soul was flashed on mine," he was forced to cross out his father's words and simply write something obscuring above it; here he altered it to read: "The living soul was flashed on mine," which again makes no sense to a reader. (See In Memoriam, edited by Robert H. Ross, 1973 New York)

Walt Whitman's editor for the Leaves of Grass insisted he add qualifiers like "him and her," and "he and she" in his erotic poetry where he only wrote "him" and "he." Later on his dutiful students defaced his manuscripts after the master's death to reflect the edited print versions of the poem. (See Love Stories, by Jonathan Ned Katz, 2001 Chicago)

Emily Dickinson likewise had her manuscripts rather brutally altered by her editor and niece, Martha Dickinson Bianchi. As Keith Stern writes: "Though we know little about Dickinson's sexual life, we can be certain about the passions of her sexual orientation. In 1852 she wrote a love letter to her friend Susan Gilbert that read in part, 'Susie, forgive me darling, for every word I say – my heart is full of you, none other than you in my thoughts.' Her love for Gilbert inspired many of her poems. In addition to altering Dickinson's rhymes and punctuation, early editors replaced Gilbert's name in many of the love poems that were written to her. Scissors and erasers were taken both to poems and correspondence, turning 'her' to 'him,' and erasing the 's' in front of 'she.'" (ps. 139-140, Queers in History, 2009 Dallas)

It is a shame that LGBTQ youth are still systematically kept from knowing the extent of Gay arts and letters that exists all around them. Editing Gay people out of their own history should end.

 

_             

Edited February 2, 2023 by AC Benus

[Dolores Esteban]

This wasn't easy. It took me couple of hours.

 

Here's my poem: Winter Has Come

 

(I won't submit it to the anthology. I've already written a free-verse poem, not yet submitted though.)

[Former Member]

This wasn't easy. It took me couple of hours.

 

Here's my poem: Winter Has Come

 

(I won't submit it to the anthology. I've already written a free-verse poem, not yet submitted though.)

Nothing's that good should be easy...and this poem is good!

 

I've left a review on the posting itself, but on a personal note, I'd like to thank you for taking the challenge and for staying with us for each and every poetry prompt. It gives me motivation to keep plugging away on them.     

[Aditus]

I haven't forgotten about this. Brain isn't working poetry right now, but I'll get there. Somehow. Promise.

[Former Member]

I haven't forgotten about this. Brain isn't working poetry right now, but I'll get there. Somehow. Promise.

That would be awesome, thanks for playing  

[Aditus]

Finally. My uncle

[Former Member]

Finally. My uncle

Thank you, Aditus. This is a great elegy, and I feel humble and proud to have my prompt used by you to create it. 

[Puppilull]

This one went on and on...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/8

[Former Member]

This one went on and on...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/8

There's no limit to the number of stanzas you can add to this type of poem. I'm really excited you added one. Now, I'll have to go and check it out!

[Mikiesboy]

Here, finally after I don't know how many reworkings is my offering:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/mikiesboy/timmysjournal/23

[Former Member]

Here, finally after I don't know how many reworkings is my offering:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/mikiesboy/timmysjournal/23

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge, Tim! I've left you a review on the posting itself  

[Doctor Oger]

Lookie, mums and dads, I knitted a long sock! I made it all by myself!

 

Shade's Remembrance

[Former Member]

Lookie, mums and dads, I knitted a long sock! I made it all by myself!

 

Shade's Remembrance

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge, doctore! I left you a review on the actual posting.

[Former Member]

This one went on and on...

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/puppilull/puppilullspoetryprompts/8

Thanks for taking the poetry prompt challenge, Puppilull! I liked it a lot and left you a review  

[J.HunterDunn]

And an Elegy from me:

 

Thoughts on a War Cemetery

[Former Member]

And an Elegy from me:

 

Thoughts on a War Cemetery

Thank you for taking the poetry prompt challenge, Peter! It's a moving poem, and I've left you a review on the actual posting. 

[Parker Owens]

Here is a response to Poetry Prompt 6. I found this one to be both moving and rewarding. Thanks again, AC!

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/47

[Former Member]

Here is a response to Poetry Prompt 6. I found this one to be both moving and rewarding. Thanks again, AC!

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/47

It's wonderful, Parker. I left you a review and will repeat a heartfelt - thank you for taking the poetry prompt challenge!  

[Parker Owens]

Thank you...if it weren't such a melancholy exercise, I might write more of them...

[Former Member]

Thank you...if it weren't such a melancholy exercise, I might write more of them...

They don't have to be about death, and you integrated the Nature theme so naturally it makes me long for more just about your interaction with the environment around you.