[LittleBuddhaTW] SOOTB 20

[LittleBuddhaTW]

Chapter 20 is up ...

 

http://littlebuddhatw.gayauthors.org/SOOTB/SOOTB20.html

 

Many, many thanks to Kitty for another fabulous job editing!

 

ENJOY!

 

[Drewbie]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :cry:

 

Please tell me Toby isn't dead. grr

 

Now i'm angry at Ryan. I could understand how he wouldn't want to face what's going on with his brother, last chapters but now

 

Hehe Ben finally kissed another boi, it being connor is a plus.

 

Hope that Mikey bf is Derek or Ben.

 

BTW Connor and Ryan should pick up Cody to see Ryan.

 

 

 

Great Chapter David

Edited June 17, 2006 by Drew

[annushka]

that's pure evil to be finishing the chapter on that note... And I want to kick Ryan too... How long untill the next upadte?

 

well, I guess getting us this annoyed and frutrated means you did a good job as a writer, Mister Buddha, but it would be even more awsome if nobody died...

[Jack Frost]

One of the main point in the chapter will be obviously about Toby and it can go either two ways.

 

1) He dies.

 

2) He goes into coma because of high fever but pulls it off and recovers from the fever.

 

Basically it's extremely annoying to hold off us readers like that and make us wait for another week to see what the hell will happen never.

 

J'esp

Edited June 17, 2006 by Jack Frost

[Conner]

I can't really comment right now. I'm too busy oiling up my new customized stainless steel rack.

 

Hey, lil'Budda, do you remember a character by the name of Annie Wilkes? Think Stephen King. Think Misery.

 

Not that I'm trying to send you a message, honest!

 

Hugs,

Conner

[Rabble_Rouser]

OK, that was just EVIL ... and I leave for vacation Monday and won't have access to a computer for two weeks! EVIL!

 

Another great chapter and you've started to develop the characters of the twins more whom I'm starting to like more and more.

 

My first thought was that it was Toby who's swan song the chapter title implied but after thinking about it for a few minutes, I think it's Mikey that's the reason for the late night phone call. I think that if it was Toby, Connor would have mentioned Maggie crying or being upset.

 

Now I just have to wait two weeks to find out!

 

S'est toujour triste qu'un jeune est mort!

Edited June 17, 2006 by Rabble_Rouser

[G4R3TH]

One of the main point in the chapter will be obviously about Toby and it can go either two ways.

 

1) He dies.

 

2) He goes into coma because of high fever but pulls it off and recovers from the fever.

 

 

 

Allright, so it does look as though something is going to happen to Toby, and I really hope that at worst he just goes to sleep for a while. I don't want him to die. However, Maggie didn't say anything on the phone about why they had to go to the hospital. Is it possible that Mikey's done something to himself, or that Cody has? After all, he did seem upset at the hospital.

[Boxerdude]

Well, LB has left us with a cliff hanger, and it seems to be quite obvious at this point. I must say, I think I had the most trouble reading this one because of all the emotions it brought up and out (even in myself) I even cried twice reading this one.

 

I know that everyone is going to be pissed at Ryan. It was hard for me not to be, but I was proud of Connor. He is really becoming the "Rock." Don

[C James]

This was a very, very moving and powerful chapter (Thank you LB and Kitty!).. I'm still trying to puzzle out the lyrics of that song (the one in the chapter, with Cody), and why it's significant. I'll ruminate on that more later.

 

I can't really comment right now. I'm too busy oiling up my new customized stainless steel rack.

 

Hey, lil'Budda, do you remember a character by the name of Annie Wilkes? Think Stephen King. Think Misery.

 

Not that I'm trying to send you a message, honest!

 

Hugs,

Conner

 

Hmmm.. Let's see, so far we have had, that I recall, threats to:

Torture LB's cats

Fly to Taiwan and hunt him down, then shoot him twice

Threats of the creative use of chopsticks

Kind offers to send LB a Mountain lion or rattlesnake for a new pet

And now a rack!!

 

Hmmm.. Maybe we need a whole thread dedicated to this creative cottage industry?

 

OK, that was just EVIL ... and I leave for vacation Monday and won't have access to a computer for two weeks! EVIL!

 

Another great chapter and you've started to develop the characters of the twins more whom I'm starting to like more and more.

 

My first thought was that it was Toby who's swan song the chapter title implied but after thinking about it for a few minutes, I think it's Mikey that's the reason for the late night phone call. I think that if it was Toby, Connor would have mentioned Maggie crying or being upset.

 

I agree about the Evil part!

 

I'm not so sure I agree regarding whom Maggie was calling about. I'd have thought that Maggie would have, under the circumstances, been clear if it wasn't Toby. HOWEVER, it's not explicitly stated that she wasn't.

This could indeed be misdirection.. Or not...

 

Well, LB has left us with a cliff hanger, and it seems to be quite obvious at this point. I must say, I think I had the most trouble reading this one because of all the emotions it brought up and out (even in myself) I even cried twice reading this one.

 

I know that everyone is going to be pissed at Ryan. It was hard for me not to be, but I was proud of Connor. He is really becoming the "Rock." Don

[Jack Frost]

I forgot it could be Mikey and Cody. But Cody doesn't seem to be the one that would do this to himself. Mikey is a possiblity.

[Guest steven_1983]

Great chapter!!

 

I'd honestly like to see Connor end up with Toby in the end. That is if you didn't just kill him off ... then i'd just say

 

Good job!

Edited June 18, 2006 by steven_1983

[dkstories]

I really liked Ryan's reaction to events. So many people numb themselves at the possibility of loss, or lie to themselves that things are going to be okay...and in the end it usually blows up in their face and makes things a lot worse.

 

usually the smarter and more caring the person...the more likely they are to do this...

[shadows]

You have made me once again seriously consider using my contacts in Taiwan. I'm afraid however if they're overly harsh we may not see SOOTB 21 and that would be... tragic? Fitting? Satisfying?

 

I hope nobody else has landed in the hospital. Toby is enough. There's only so much sorrow you can feel before you start feeling "enough is enough too much is happening." If Toby ties I'll be sorry to see him go, even without Ryan's emotional isolation I've grown to like him (Toby) better. And I think Ryan is making himself not care. He's gone through this, the fear of his brothers death, once before and he doesn't want to face the reality of its possibility again. He's not being callous, he's just tired of feeling pain every time he cares.

 

 

 

Well LB, you've come far as an author. Look at the reactions you're provoking from your fan(atical) base. You've given Connor, and your readers, a very rough life. I still can't believe I started reading this as a "light" alternative to DomLuka.

 

I'm eagerly looking forward to Chapter 21... and there better be a chapter 21 move to the states or no.

[Chris Fallen]

alright let me just say if toby dies all will not be lost. i will get to try out my roast little Buddha recipe.

[C James]

You have made me once again seriously consider using my contacts in Taiwan. I'm afraid however if they're overly harsh we may not see SOOTB 21 and that would be... tragic? Fitting? Satisfying?

 

Ahh, another death threat for LB! I think that this exceeds the number he got for chapter 11 (the attack on Conner). :axeman:

 

Unfortunately, Little Buddha has pointed out that killing a buddha results in much bad karma. So, I can't really participate... However, perhaps Little Buddha just needs enlightening? Surely enlightening a Buddha would not result in bad karma?

 

Soooo... How does one enlighten a Buddha? Lots and lots and lots of light!

And, what is one thing that produces a lot of light? Really high temperatures. Anything over thirty million degrees should suffice....

 

Now, where did I put the supplies that I needed for Little Buddha's highly-enlightening welcome-home present? Let's see...

Kryton switches, check!

Lithium-6, Check!

Plutonium 239, check!

 

I wonder if I could build it into a jukebox.. I could have it play "you light up my life" right before it the area is heated to a nice, uniform, incandescent plasma? :nuke:

 

Or perhaps the Doors classic "Come on baby light my fire!"? :nuke:

 

Nah, "Until we meet again" is just sooooo much more traditional for this sort of thing.. :nuke:

 

I hope nobody else has landed in the hospital. Toby is enough. There's only so much sorrow you can feel before you start feeling "enough is enough too much is happening." If Toby ties I'll be sorry to see him go, even without Ryan's emotional isolation I've grown to like him (Toby) better. And I think Ryan is making himself not care. He's gone through this, the fear of his brothers death, once before and he doesn't want to face the reality of its possibility again. He's not being callous, he's just tired of feeling pain every time he cares.

Well LB, you've come far as an author. Look at the reactions you're provoking from your fan(atical) base. You've given Connor, and your readers, a very rough life. I still can't believe I started reading this as a "light" alternative to DomLuka.

 

I'm eagerly looking forward to Chapter 21... and there better be a chapter 21 move to the states or no.

 

 

My hunch is that Toby survives. As someone else mentioned, it's too close to the end for a main character to perish... I also suspect that the title of chapter 20 was all part of the build-up to one heck of a cliffhanger!

[NickolasJames8]

Argh.......everyone has to stop saying that Toby's going to survive or he'll kill him off....I have a bad feeling about it. Actually, I kinda hope he doesnt read the threads anymore until the story's over so he doesnt do something crazy like have Toby die or make Connor and Ryan stay together even after Ryan starts hitting Connor

[JSmith]

Ahh, another death threat for LB! I think that this exceeds the number he got for chapter 11 (the attack on Conner). :axeman:

 

Unfortunately, Little Buddha has pointed out that killing a buddha results in much bad karma. So, I can't really participate... However, perhaps Little Buddha just needs enlightening? Surely enlightening a Buddha would not result in bad karma?

 

Soooo... How does one enlighten a Buddha? Lots and lots and lots of light!

And, what is one thing that produces a lot of light? Really high temperatures. Anything over thirty million degrees should suffice....

 

Now, where did I put the supplies that I needed for Little Buddha's highly-enlightening welcome-home present? Let's see...

Kryton switches, check!

Lithium-6, Check!

Plutonium 239, check!

 

I wonder if I could build it into a jukebox.. I could have it play "you light up my life" right before it the area is heated to a nice, uniform, incandescent plasma? :nuke:

 

Or perhaps the Doors classic "Come on baby light my fire!"? :nuke:

 

Nah, "Until we meet again" is just sooooo much more traditional for this sort of thing.. :nuke:

My hunch is that Toby survives. As someone else mentioned, it's too close to the end for a main character to perish... I also suspect that the title of chapter 20 was all part of the build-up to one heck of a cliffhanger!

 

You crack me up, CJ!!!

 

I agree with you though. Buddha's much too good of a writer to kill of Toby. He's too evil ( ) and sneaky to set it all out there for you and build up the death of Toby. I think he's doing what he usually does... keep his reads on edge. Throw us a curveball that we didn't see coming.

 

The predictions of Maggie calling about other people were also really creative. I didn't think about it until someone else mentioned it. Could it be that Mikie's homophobic parents cracked? They've never been violent before, but "It's the quiet ones you have to watch"

 

I think I can wait another week before I start threatening Buddha like some of the others here you have seven days, Buddha! Not a day more! After that, who knows what might happen :nuke: :ranger: (that's right... I have no problem hiring a hitman that uses bows instead of guns! They're quieter!)

 

Joe

[AFriendlyFace]

Now i'm angry at Ryan. I could understand how he wouldn't want to face what's going on with his brother, last chapters but now

...I was proud of Connor. He is really becoming the "Rock."

It does seems as though that's going to be the prevailing sentiment this chapter. Perhaps unsurprisingly I'm going to have to disagree. At least with the part about people being proud of Connor. It's a "hot issue" for me; Connor kissed Ben. In my mind it doesn't matter how much Ryan was pushing him away or screwing up (and I agree that he was), Connor is the one who just "crossed a line". Being mad at your boyfriend, feeling hurt and abandoned, being under a great deal of stress, none of these things independently or in conjunction with each other give you the right to go make out with someone else! I think one of the main things about being in a (successful) relationship is the security in knowing that even if you really tick off the other person he isn't going to go bed hopping on you (or play tongue hockey with someone else). People have disagreements and hurt each other, that's always going to happen. To me it's important to know that infidelity won't be a result. It's easy to stay faithful to someone during the good times, it's time like these that test your resolve. My opinion of Ben isn't much better. Ryan has two knives sticking out of his back now, and (probably) a terminally ill brother: OUCH!

 

My first thought was that it was Toby who's swan song the chapter title implied but after thinking about it for a few minutes, I think it's Mikey that's the reason for the late night phone call. I think that if it was Toby, Connor would have mentioned Maggie crying or being upset.

I had the same thought, Steve. More as another possibility than what I actually think. I still think it's more likely about Toby, but the Mikey thing is possible. I don't consider it significant that Maggie wasn't crying. She's a strong lady and she's very much in the "crisis" mindframe, it seems more likely to me that should would retain her composure and do what needed to be done, then cry and grieve AFTER Toby passed - which I don't think he's done yet, though I think "he died before we could get to the hospital" is a good possibility. However, even if he is dead I think she would make it a point to stay composed while notifying Connor and Ryan.

 

I would like to know what Toby told him, but I have a feeling it was more than he has told anyone in his family. From the reaction of Cody, I am guessing that Toby told him he was dying and he loved him. Cody probably could not handle all of it and that is why he bolted.

Hmmm, that's a very interesting possibility. I had just assumed they'd broken up. I didn't think they were close enough for Toby to confide such things in Cody, but I guess that is a possibility and it's hard for us to gage just how close they had gotten.

 

Now Ben, he is starting to get interesting. I was proud that Connor stopped before things got to crazy. He was so mature about it and Ben was very respectful as well.

Too little too late if you ask me. Don't get me wrong this is infinitely better than if things had continued to progress, but still really bad. I believe I was a little ticked off when Toby kissed Connor, and angrier still at Cody when he did, Ben is now the culmination. When Toby kissed Connor it was wrong because they both must have known, at least on some level, how Ryan felt. BUT they weren't even together yet, so it was tacky and insensitive, but not even "technically" a betrayal.

 

Cody's kiss was much worse. Both Cody and Connor were much more at fault here. Cody for purposely coming on to someone with a boyfriend and Connor for going along with it and betraying Ryan. There were some mitigating circumstances though. Cody's got this whole "free love" attitude and probably didn't mean to hurt anyone, and Ryan actually wasn't mad at first.

 

With Ben it's different and much worse. Ben's much closer with Ryan than Cody was (particularly at the time), so not only is he messing around with someone in a relationship (which is bad enough IMO), but he's screwing over a close friend. Plus, unlike in the previous two instances, Ryan and Connor's relationship is much more serious, and they've even talked about this sort of thing before (after the whole Cody thing). It's just a betrayal on a bigger scale because the relationship is more advanced. To make matters worse the timing and circumstances are more serious. Many will argue that this all happened because of what went down with Ryan, I won't argue that point, but what I will say is that it is precisely now that Connor needed to not give up on their relationship and seek comfort in someone else's arms (and mouth). These are the moments that test a relationship, and Connor just failed.

 

In fact looking back at his behaviour it becomes clear that Connor isn't particularly trustworthy, at least not where relationships are concerned. Connor's kissed three other people since he and Ryan started moving towards a relationship. How many has Ryan kissed?? Sure Connor's got plenty of excuses in his circumstances, and we could analyze why he keeps messing up till we were blue in the face if we wanted. Undoubtedly he does crave affection, and have attachment issues stemming from his past, but none of that changes the bare facts.

 

 

I totally agree about Connor! What a change from the way he was in the beginning!!!

True! Connor has come a very long way from the beginning of the story and made huge advances, I'm proud of him for that too.

 

As for Ryan, he does have Attention Deficit Disorder, which is known to enhance emotional-withdrawal issues, so personally I'm not inclined to be too harsh on him. However, for his own sake, I hope he snaps out of it before he wrecks his relationship with Connor. I think they are heading for the rocks right now, due to Connor's comment that he could no longer open up (or words to that effect) to Ryan. That often spells doom for a relationship if it stays that way for long. Also, if Toby dies, Ryan may be setting himself up for a monumental guilt complex.

I completely agree, C J! I know it seems like I've completely focused the blame on Connor here, but had he kept his lips to himself I'd still be saying they were heading for trouble based on Ryan's behaviour and the way Connor feels. I think it's hugely significant that Connor said he'd never felt so alone while sleeping with his boyfriend before. It's also significant that Connor couldn't talk about the way he was feeling with Ryan earlier in the chapter, and even worse that when he finally did Ryan basically proved him right in that he wasn't receptive. Their relationship has quite a few issues that need to be ironed out. Personally I suspect they will be ironed out by the end of the story, in real life I think I'd be a little more pessimistic about the chances of two people staying together that had all that going on between them. Basically the just didn't act like partners (in the team sense) when the going got tough.

 

As for Connor's visit to Cody... Cody in a loincloth! Now that was HOT!!!

uhhh huh!!

 

I forgot it could be Mikey and Cody. But Cody doesn't seem to be the one that would do this to himself. Mikey is a possiblity.

I agree

 

I really liked Ryan's reaction to events. So many people numb themselves at the possibility of loss, or lie to themselves that things are going to be okay...and in the end it usually blows up in their face and makes things a lot worse.

 

usually the smarter and more caring the person...the more likely they are to do this...

Excellent point, Dan!

 

 

 

And I think Ryan is making himself not care. He's gone through this, the fear of his brothers death, once before and he doesn't want to face the reality of its possibility again. He's not being callous, he's just tired of feeling pain every time he cares.

I agree Shadows, unfortunately I don't think life works that way. The really cruddy thing is you do have to keep exposing yourself to the possibility (even likelihood) of getting hurt. At least if you want to have an overall happy life and close relationships with people. All just my personal opinion of course though.

 

I think I can wait another week before I start threatening Buddha like some of the others here you have seven days, Buddha! Not a day more! After that, who knows what might happen :nuke: :ranger: (that's right... I have no problem hiring a hitman that uses bows instead of guns! They're quieter!)

 

Well that was long even by my standards

 

I really enjoyed this chapter! Again I'm perfectly happy to see the characters behaving in ways I don't agree with, that just adds to the fun and makes me think more. Awesome job, David!

 

Take care and have a great day everyone!

Kevin

Edited June 18, 2006 by AFriendlyFace

[C James]

I agree with you though. Buddha's much too good of a writer to kill of Toby. He's too evil ( ) and sneaky to set it all out there for you and build up the death of Toby. I think he's doing what he usually does... keep his reads on edge. Throw us a curveball that we didn't see coming.

 

About the only thing that's predictable about LB's writing is that he will be unpredictable!

 

Poor LB. The last human voice he hears will be Debby Boone's.

 

You are right, that would be just too cruel.. But, then again, so was the chapter 20 cliffhanger!

 

It does seems as though that's going to be the prevailing sentiment this chapter. Perhaps unsurprisingly I'm going to have to disagree. At least with the part about people being proud of Connor. It's a "hot issue" for me; Connor kissed Ben. In my mind it doesn't matter how much Ryan was pushing him away or screwing up (and I agree that he was), Connor is the one who just "crossed a line". Being mad at your boyfriend, feeling hurt and abandoned, being under a great deal of stress, none of these things independently or in conjunction with each other give you the right to go make out with someone else! I think one of the main things about being in a (successful) relationship is the security in knowing that even if you really tick off the other person he isn't going to go bed hopping on you (or play tongue hockey with someone else). People have disagreements and hurt each other, that's always going to happen. To me it's important to know that infidelity won't be a result. It's easy to stay faithful to someone during the good times, it's time like these that test your resolve. My opinion of Ben isn't much better. Ryan has two knives sticking out of his back now, and (probably) a terminally ill brother: OUCH!

 

With Ben it's different and much worse. Ben's much closer with Ryan than Cody was (particularly at the time), so not only is he messing around with someone in a relationship (which is bad enough IMO), but he's screwing over a close friend. Plus, unlike in the previous two instances, Ryan and Connor's relationship is much more serious, and they've even talked about this sort of thing before (after the whole Cody thing). It's just a betrayal on a bigger scale because the relationship is more advanced. To make matters worse the timing and circumstances are more serious. Many will argue that this all happened because of what went down with Ryan, I won't argue that point, but what I will say is that it is precisely now that Connor needed to not give up on their relationship and seek comfort in someone else's arms (and mouth). These are the moments that test a relationship, and Connor just failed.

 

I was wondering who would bring that up! I found it at once funny (Conner firmly deciding to say no, then answering "ok") and also the harbinger of major trouble. It's not like Connor hasn't done this before (With Cody, quite a lot) and Ryan was PISSED (not at the first kiss, but at the later ones). I doubt he's going to be overly pleased to find out that Connor is doing it again with Ben. Ryan is clearly under stress from other things, which IMHO is not going to help his reaction.

 

Regarding Ryan's prior reactions: I did think he was out of line for being so furious when he found Connor kissing Toby. Connor and Ryan were not a couple at that time, so Ryan had no justification for that IMHO. However, for the Cody episodes, I think he did have justification.

 

Sooo... It has to be asked.. Why does Connor keep doing this? Is Connor a slut?

 

I still think it's more likely about Toby, but the Mikey thing is possible. I don't consider it significant that Maggie wasn't crying. She's a strong lady and she's very much in the "crisis" mindframe, it seems more likely to me that should would retain her composure and do what needed to be done, then cry and grieve AFTER Toby passed - which I don't think he's done yet, though I think "he died before we could get to the hospital" is a good possibility. However, even if he is dead I think she would make it a point to stay composed while notifying Connor and Ryan.

 

Hmmmm... Very good points!

 

Maggie is a Doctor, and Doctors have to deal with death quite often. That seems to give many of them an ability to suppress emotions, for at least a short while.

 

I certainly agree regarding your thoughts on Toby still being alive. .

"Connor, it's Maggie. You and Ryan need to get down to the hospital right away. It's serious."

 

Most anyone, especially a Doctor, would avoid saying it in that way due to getting them to hurry (and perhaps face danger) if Toby was already dead.

 

However, every time I've gotten a call like that, the family member it was regarding was dead within hours, so Toby is IMHO still at serious, serious risk. No one has addressed the medical issues yet, so I'll give it a shot.

 

Toby does not have a standard case, as his is a relapse. The prognosis is far worse. The best chance is high-dose chemo to destroy the patent's own bone-marrow cells, all of them, followed by a stem-cell transplant. A compatible tissue donor must be found for this, and Ryan would have the highest probability of a match.

 

For a relapse case, the prognosis is usually terminal if the stem-cell procedure cannot be performed or is ineffective. There are however some cases of remission, so there is hope. However, given that Toby is obviously extreemly weak, and we haven't heard yet that the Chemo was successful, I have my doubts.

Poor Toby!!!

 

I had to look up the relapse info above as Leukemia is something I'm only passingly familiar with, but one of the drugs mentioned for the chemo immediately caught my eye: Prednisone.

 

Prednisone is a Steroid, and a very powerful one. When used in Chemo, the doses are massive. One infrequent but not uncommon side-effect is that the patient will develop Type-1 diabetes as a result. Sometimes the patient recovers, but often the diabetes is permanent. So, if Toby recovers, and LB knows about this side effect potential (possible, if he looked it up AND checked the drugs used for known side effects, AND was lucky enough to find the connection , which is something even many Doctors don't know about) we might see Toby having to deal with insulin (either injections or a pump), learning how to do basal and bolus calculations, dealing with hypoglycemia, using a blood glucose meter, etc, etc, etc.

 

But, surely, Toby will have suffered enough if he survives his current crisis?

[one_confused_pyro]

Well, I read this chapter and it does have a lot of emotions in it.Quite moving.I haven't cried (at least while watching a movie/reading) since I was maybe 12.I don't think I've EVER cried reading anything.But I'll say this much, I had a weird feeling in the back of my eyes and I lost control of the bottom half of my jaw.

 

I think it's either Mikey or Cody for the late night call.Maybe Mikey attempted to kill himself.Or maybe his parents finally started beating him for something.Or maybe Cody tried to hurt himself, although I truly don't see him as the type to do that.But maybe if Toby said something harsh enough to him earlier......

 

DAMN THESE CLIFHANGERS! lol

 

But on a very serious note.I'd like to thank you for writing these stories.I honestly can't remember the last time I read a book/ (or anything online really) that I actually read because I wanted to.Not for homework or anything.But a story I truly enjoy.I used to read a lot when I was younger, up until about 10-11ish and then I slowly stopped.I'm glad at least some story has kind of inspired me to read more.

 

The only thing is I know it has to end sometime..... which of course I think sucks

 

Well, that's all for now.I can't wait for the next chapter! (but yet afraid of what's going to happen at the same time.... who gets the boot).

[petefromoz]

Hmm.

Ominous title - check.

Intensely emotional events - check.

Even more ominous cliffhanger - check.

 

This could be very bad ... or not. We're at a pivotal moment, and things could realistically go in any number of directions, all of which would make sense based on what has gone before. It's moments like this in stories like this that end up defining the nature of everything - the theme, the characters, and even to some extent the author.

 

Looks like we've got an interesting and difficult wait ahead of us.

 

I can only counsel patience and echo Tatyana's words - "Everything happens for a reason" (which happens to be even truer in fiction than in reality).

 

-- Pete

[Boxerdude]

I have not figured out how you select and copy a someone elses comments yet, so I did my best.

I believe this is from Afriendlyface, not good with the names yet: His comments on Connor and Ben's Kiss.

 

Too little too late if you ask me. Don't get me wrong this is infinitely better than if things had continued to progress, but still really bad. I believe I was a little ticked off when Toby kissed Connor, and angrier still at Cody when he did, Ben is now the culmination. When Toby kissed Connor it was wrong because they both must have known, at least on some level, how Ryan felt. BUT they weren't even together yet, so it was tacky and insensitive, but not even "technically" a betrayal.

 

Cody's kiss was much worse. Both Cody and Connor were much more at fault here. Cody for purposely coming on to someone with a boyfriend and Connor for going along with it and betraying Ryan. There were some mitigating circumstances though. Cody's got this whole "free love" attitude and probably didn't mean to hurt anyone, and Ryan actually wasn't mad at first.

 

With Ben it's different and much worse. Ben's much closer with Ryan than Cody was (particularly at the time), so not only is he messing around with someone in a relationship (which is bad enough IMO), but he's screwing over a close friend. Plus, unlike in the previous two instances, Ryan and Connor's relationship is much more serious, and they've even talked about this sort of thing before (after the whole Cody thing). It's just a betrayal on a bigger scale because the relationship is more advanced. To make matters worse the timing and circumstances are more serious. Many will argue that this all happened because of what went down with Ryan, I won't argue that point, but what I will say is that it is precisely now that Connor needed to not give up on their relationship and seek comfort in someone else's arms (and mouth). These are the moments that test a relationship, and Connor just failed.

 

In fact looking back at his behaviour it becomes clear that Connor isn't particularly trustworthy, at least not where relationships are concerned. Connor's kissed three other people since he and Ryan started moving towards a relationship. How many has Ryan kissed?? Sure Connor's got plenty of excuses in his circumstances, and we could analyze why he keeps messing up till we were blue in the face if we wanted. Undoubtedly he does crave affection, and have attachment issues stemming from his past, but none of that changes the bare facts.

 

I understand why you feel Connor betrayed Ryan and I even understand your point of view but, I don't think that it is realistic. Connor is learning self control little by little. I think he made a huge leap here in actually confronting the situation. Now, reality! If a kiss is going to ruin your relationship with someone, then you will have a lot of relationships! Gay guys like to kiss other guys! If I would have been upset, every time my partner has kissed another guy (yes even tongues) I would have been divorced 15 years ago. It is the trust in your partner, that they know when to stop that is more important. Connor knew when to stop! You may not agree now, but after you get a few years behind you, you will start to learn what is threatening to your relationship. You will also learn that you have to live your relationship in trust and love and can not harp on what might happen. Life is to short for that. Oh, I do need to add that yes I am in a monogamous relationship and July 1st will be 17 years. I am not trying to brag, I am trying to make the point that don

[Boxerdude]

LB,

 

I did go to the yahoo forum and found the photo albums you posted. Thank YOU!! I can now picture things in my head much more clearly. The Elton John was was increadible. I wish I had seen it before reading that chapter, it would have definetly made a bigger impression on the situation.

 

I also just wanted to make a note to everyone about how much I appreciate your postings. Sometimes, I feel that I say to much or come across wrong but thank you for reading. This story hits very close to home for me so I tend to pour my heart out. Mike (my partner) is only on chapter 15 so I can't talk to him about my thoughts or how I feel about the stroy so well I guess I pour them out to all of you! Keep your points of view because they are yours and don't mind me if I disagree or try to put a spin on things.

 

Waiting calmly for chapter 21!

 

Boxerdude

[Gandalf]

Ok man.. I am afraid that you and Vance are trying to match each other for cliffhangers and it is not fair. I threatened to either stay one chapter behind with Dom's stories or stop half way thru. Of course that is impossible to do especially for an addict like me. I am giving up my boat trip and returning to the world just so all these GA cliffhangers don't get lost. How sick is that?

 

I do agree with DK that what you have done with Ryan is very true to life. How often have people not lived up to what I thought they should due to the fact that they were ... oh,, human. ADHD may be a clinical part of why he is acting that way but there are no shortage of people that bury their heads or emotions regarding shit that has come their way.

 

Man there are no clear easy solutions here. whoever or whatever happens there will be hard pain. The neat thing is that Conner at least seems to have several people to help him get through it.

 

Meanwhile now that my nephew and neice and daughter have grown up and moved out I may have to reactivate my old dungeon for LB' return stateside. So if you head to New England beware. Pax all. Steve S/V Gandalf still in Sevilla.

 

PS I really am enjoying this community so much.

[Boxerdude]

I search for two hours trying to find this song. Here are the rest of the lyrics. When I listen to the song, my eyes started tearing up. He is talking about Ryan!!!! I have no choice to stay, I have to stay, I had to stay. He loves Ryan so much and this song shows how much he feels he is loosing him. Connor is crying out in his own way. It hit me like a brick, and only after listening to the song completely. He is really scared he will not only loose Toby but the one true love of his life. Yet, he is putting everyone else first with that big heart and trying to be there for everyone who was there for him. His unconditional love for his "family of friends" and he only knows how to express it through song. I am a total mess now and I challenge each of you to listen to the song completely and someone tell me I am wrong!

 

Beautiful child

Beautiful child

You are a beautiful child

And I am a fool once more

 

You fell in love when I was only ten

The years disappeared

Much has gone by since then

I bite my lip, can you send me away

You touch

I have no choice

I have to stay

I had to stay

 

Sleepless child

There is so little time

Your eyes say yes

But you dont say yes

I wish that you were mine

 

You say it will be harder in the morning

I wait for you to say, just go

Your hands, held mine so few hours

And Im not a child anymore

 

Im not a child anymore

Im tall enough

To reach for the stars

Im old enough

To love you from afar

To trusting... yes?

But then women usually are (switch women for boys)

 

Im not a child anymore

No, Im not a child, oh no

Tall enough to reach for the stars

I will do

As Im told

Even if I never hold you again

I never hold you again