Crazy Stuff That Jeff Says

[Jeff Burton]

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a faithful trip.

Well no, not really but it is a tale.  Okay so for starters I'm a data packrat. Sometime in the 2000's I got tired of losing data or backing up date, so one time I solved the problem and threw in a second hard drive into my trusty steed of a PC and remapped all my documents/downloads/windows settings to dump the data in there instead so I didnt have to back it up.  

And this data has been growing like a tumor since then, as more data is collected so on and so fourth.  That original hard drive from way back when is long since gone but the data on it is still with me.

For a while after moving and stuff I used my laptop instead of my desktop, and used it so much I never set the desktop up.  Well my laptop broke (physically) when it slid off my lap for the last time and hit the floor, I still have to pull it's second hard drive out and get story data off it but you get the idea.

ANYWAY THE POINT IS.

Since my laptop broke I needed a replacement, so I put the desktop back together and I've been getting reacquainted with my data hoard, and buried deep within an archive of an archive of an archive of an archive I found a folder called "2009 Summer Anthology" and inside it, I found unfinished original attempts for the 2009 Summer Anthology series Carpe Diem. 

One was soooo close to completion, reading it though made me realize how much my writing style changed over time. Some of it got better some of it got worse (which is something I'm working to correct) I just thought it was interesting that I found an actual artifact from that era, and I actually got close to meeting an anthology deadline, which by the way if I ever say "I'm participating in this," then actually file something by the deadline, we're all doomed.  The world will end, the universe will divide by zero so that's why I don't do it lol.

We came so close to the world ending in 2009, you have no idea.

[Jeff Burton]

So I don't want anyone to think I've jumped the shark again, I haven't I'm still here.  And my apologies to everyone waiting for chapter 12 of 'Just Maybe' and probably the way overdue updates to the other 2 stories in my try-not-to-abandon pile.  My concentration has been all over the place lately.

I do have chapter 12 and most of chapter 13 in progress and almost ready to be posted for "Just Maybe" but I also uh have chapters 1 through 3, of something else in progress too that I haven't posted yet.  Apparently Comicality has lent me his focus from beyond because I have this explosion of ideas suddenly, maybe it's just unvented emotions begging to come out, maybe it's the real me trying to force it's way out I'm not sure.

This new one is a bit darker, but it's something that's been brewing for about a decade now and I'm finally trying to get it out of me.  As with all my writing I just hope it helps someone who might need it.

Anyway that's where I'm at right now, and I hope to set off everyone's notifications here really soon. <3

[Jeff Burton]

You know I have to say, there is so much good literature on this site that some of it will stick with me forever.

i just wish I’d read it sooner.

[Jeff Burton]

It’s been a crazy busy weekend.

Is it bad that I’ve got like 4 browser tabs open on 4 different stories I’m reading or re-reading as I work on 4 stories I’ve got going as well?

I’ve got new chapters of ‘Encrypted’ in draft, new chapters of ‘Just Maybe’ I’m editing and I’m  rewriting a few chapters of ‘Life in Suspension’ that I lost when my laptop broke.

I also have an unpublished novella, ‘The Black Sun’ that happened because of a prompt (well the prompt itself caused me to make a new prompt kinda and it blew up from there) it’s not published yet because I’m not happy with the first chapter and now I’m reworking the whole idea EVEN THOUGH I wrote 2 other chapters already.

My life is a huge mess lmao.  I don’t know how Comicality did it and on webTV no less.  But I feel it and I get it.

Edited July 2, 2025 by Jeff Burton

[xleroc]

We appreciate your work for our entertainment. Seriously, though, I've broken my general rule these days of not reading stories "in progress" (made because of being left hanging with no updates for years after I've gotten sucked in enough to care about the characters) with both "Just Maybe" and "Encrypted" so I'm hopeful in my own selfish way that you keep making progress!

[Jeff Burton]

3 hours ago, xleroc said:

We appreciate your work for our entertainment. Seriously, though, I've broken my general rule these days of not reading stories "in progress" (made because of being left hanging with no updates for years after I've gotten sucked in enough to care about the characters) with both "Just Maybe" and "Encrypted" so I'm hopeful in my own selfish way that you keep making progress!

I totally get that, and I'm guilty of doing that with two of my stories, which I am trying to rectify although I will say rewriting something you wrote before is difficult because the original had this 'flavor' or 'imprint' you'll never be able to replicate a second time no matter how close to the original it was, but I'm trying lol.

I don't know why I didn't use google docs to write my older in progress stuff, I was using it to basically back up completed chapters and edit, now I write drafts in it too after the rather tragic death of my laptop. So at least 'Just Maybe' and 'Encrypted' are safe as long as nothing happens to me (I'm knocking on wood as I write this)

The next chapter of 'Encrypted' will be posted this week and I'm also going to going to try to slide in 'Just Maybe' as well.  The latter isn't all that long of a story and is about halfway there, the former will probably take a while since it's got a couple of plots running at the same time and a third that hasn't been started yet.

Thanks for reading though! And I'm glad you're enjoying it as much as I am writing it!

[Jeff Burton]

My brain has been way too full lately.

Sometimes it feels like a dam after a big rain event.  The spillway gates are opened all the way but it's woefully inadequate for the job it was meant for.

It's not just my brain though, it's my emotions too.  This unpublished novella - that I mentioned in another post- I've been writing has been doing stuff to me.  I really want to work on it but it's like part of me is afraid to because I'd have to feel some things I don't want to feel again, things I don't want to think about again.

Maybe that's why my brain as been too full and I can't concentrate fully on what I'm doing.  I've noticed the time I spend on reading stories here, instead of writing my own has increased. 

It's avoidance I know, but how can one avoid avoidance?

Sometimes I wish I could just plug my brain into my computer with a USB cord so I could dump all this writing I really need to do just to finally get it out of my head.  You know be able to do the work, methodically, logically without all those messy emotions getting in the way.

It's all just...heavy.

[Ron]

2 hours ago, Jeff Burton said:

It's all just...heavy.

Yep! Sometimes it's just that.

Maybe think of your story as a free therapy session. Each time you sit down to write you get to dump a little of those feels onto the page and out of your psyche. And if you must cry along the way then do so, and if you laugh do that, and if it means you bang a fist on the tabletop (not too hard) every now and again then do that, too. In the end, and if you never publish the story some good may still come from writing it (which, I think, is time and effort well spent).

I once wrote a short prompt story that had nothing and everything to do with a breakup after a long, long relationship (it was definitely a 'telling' type of story) and although there was no thought of saving the relationship I felt better because there was a release of some pent-up emotions I was holding back. The story is posted but I'm not here to promote me so I'm not linking to it. 

Cheers!

[Jeff Burton]

46 minutes ago, Ron said:

Yep! Sometimes it's just that.

Maybe think of your story as a free therapy session. Each time you sit down to write you get to dump a little of those feels onto the page and out of your psyche. And if you must cry along the way then do so, and if you laugh do that, and if it means you bang a fist on the tabletop (not too hard) every now and again then do that, too. In the end, and if you never publish the story some good may still come from writing it (which, I think, is time and effort well spent).

I once wrote a short prompt story that had nothing and everything to do with a breakup after a long, long relationship (it was definitely a 'telling' type of story) and although there was no thought of saving the relationship I felt better because there was a release of some pent-up emotions I was holding back. The story is posted but I'm not here to promote me so I'm not linking to it. 

Cheers!

Yeah I get you and funny enough that's exactly what this is I'm writing and it was inspired by a prompt.  Talk about a small world. I am going to get this out of me, I'm rewriting what I've got though because I changed the premise a little bit.

[Jeff Burton]

I just had to slap myself and yell "STOP READING, YOU HAVE TO WRITE TOO!"

[Jeff Burton]

So Saint Sebastian the patron for tragic twinks (yeah I know that's not right, it's a gag I've got going on in a story.) bestowed upon me free tacos on my way home from work.

I'm totally getting the poster and pendant now.  I may use my already existing faith to satire Catholic guilt in real life, because why not.

Edited July 17, 2025 by Jeff Burton

[Talo Segura]

57 minutes ago, Jeff Burton said:

Saint Sebastian the patron for tragic twinks (yeah I know that's not right

Oh I don't know: in the 1976 film directed by Derek Jarman and Paul Humfress the script portrays the events of the life of Saint Sebastian, the film was aimed at a gay audience, was controversial for the homoeroticism portrayed between the soldiers and for having dialogue entirely in Latin.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebastiane

 

[Jeff Burton]

12 minutes ago, Talo Segura said:

Oh I don't know: in the 1976 film directed by Derek Jarman and Paul Humfress the script portrays the events of the life of Saint Sebastian, the film was aimed at a gay audience, was controversial for the homoeroticism portrayed between the soldiers and for having dialogue entirely in Latin.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sebastiane

 

Thank you for that, it vindicates the "Blessed be the Tragic Twink" 

Gee who would have thought the Catholic Church would be such an excellent avenue to explore Homoeroticism in history.  I'm seriously going to have to track down this film because now I REALLY want to see it.

[Talo Segura]

Just remember it's in LATIN, now if that isn't really arty what is! Be prepared to read the subtitles. 

https://youtu.be/SuIWAN-XQzw?si=f51XXrBv44p3yiLS

 

Edited July 17, 2025 by Talo Segura

[Jeff Burton]

I'm so buried in drafts right now I made the mistake of not looking at them for 12 hours.  Now I don't remember what is what version.  I really need a new system to handle all these scraps.

I'm pretty sure somewhere in this electronic mess of words I've got three completed chapters ready to go.  Now if I can only find them again.

[Jeff Burton]

So I'm going through character sheets and I'm noticing a trend.  My character names are becoming biblical at this point.  At first I thought it was just because of the running joke in Im Gay: A Nifty Story.  But It's also showing up in an unpublished project I'm working on, plot notes from Encrypted that I'm finishing up, and new notes from projects that haven't officially started yet.

I'm kind of scratching my head at this because I don't know if it's intended or just a happy mistake.  Maybe there's a message to myself in their somewhere I just haven't found yet, or something else.

It's just one of those weird things that keeps popping up.

[Ron]

1 hour ago, Jeff Burton said:

It's just one of those weird things that keeps popping up.

Has Methuselah popped up, yet? 

[Jeff Burton]

1 minute ago, Ron said:

Has Methuselah popped up, yet? 

Not yet but we're working our way there lmao.

[ReaderPaul]

5 hours ago, Jeff Burton said:

     So I'm going through character sheets and I'm noticing a trend.  My character names are becoming biblical at this point.  At first I thought it was just because of the running joke in I'm Gay: A Nifty Story.  But It's also showing up in an unpublished project I'm working on, plot notes from Encrypted that I'm finishing up, and new notes from projects that haven't officially started yet.
     I'm kind of scratching my head at this because I don't know if it's intended or just a happy mistake.  Maybe there's a message to myself in their somewhere I just haven't found yet, or something else.
     It's just one of those weird things that keeps popping up.

What Biblical names you run into also can depend on which translation you run into.  But some Biblical names are not necessarily those one expects.  If we define a Biblical name as one mentioned in the Bible, then Pontius, Pilate, Felix, Festus, and Gomer are Biblical names.  (Gomer is sometimes a female name and sometimes a male name.)  Jeremiah and Jeremy are Biblical names.  Onan is often wrongly used as condemning masturbation, but actually his sin was pulling out instead of finishing inside a female.  

Some common guy names in the Bible include James, John, Matthew, Mark, Luke, Saul, Paul, Timothy, David, Jonathan, Nathan, Nathaniel, Adam, Noah, Elijah, Elisha, Samuel, Jesse, Abner, Ezra, Peter, Simon, Barnabas, Thaddeus, Asher, Ephraim, Jacob, Joseph, Jed, Joshua, Reuben, Dan, Judah, Micah, Amos, Isaiah  Daniel, Levi, Isaac, Malachi, and many more.  Less common names include Maher-shalel-hash-baz, Media, and Muppim, among many others.  Common names for women included Mary, Ruth, Salome, Sarah, Eve, Dinah, Delilah, Miriam, Sarai, Deborah, Martha, Joanna, Sapphira, Alexandra, Elizabeth, and many other female names.

Many names have an appearance in Biblical mentions.  If memory serves, over three thousand names are mentioned in the Christian Bible.

[lawfulneutralmage]

Look at using Celtic names: https://www.parents.com/celtic-baby-names-2562526

[Ron]

1 hour ago, ReaderPaul said:

Gomer is sometimes a female name and sometimes a male name.

I wonder if the writers for the Andy Griffith show were aware of this when they hired Jim Nabors to play Gomer Pyle?

At least it wasn’t Gozer (the Gozerian) Pyle — none of those heathen names..

Edited July 21, 2025 by Ron

[Jeff Burton]

3 hours ago, lawfulneutralmage said:

Look at using Celtic names: https://www.parents.com/celtic-baby-names-2562526

Reading this list almost makes me want to write an arthurian legend lol

[Topher Lydon]

On 6/14/2025 at 7:03 AM, Jeff Burton said:

So I don't want anyone to think I've jumped the shark again, I haven't I'm still here.  And my apologies to everyone waiting for chapter 12 of 'Just Maybe' and probably the way overdue updates to the other 2 stories in my try-not-to-abandon pile.  My concentration has been all over the place lately.

 

I've been thinking of your 12 chapter hump problem.

I *might* have a suggestion. Write a three act story. Which is just three stories in a row. Keep them to 12 chapters each. Act one set up and set the relationship etc. Act two evolve the problems, and Act 3 is conclusion to the three stories tying them together. You don't even need to have the same characters in all three acts, though it helps if they are connected be it setting, supporting characters, or even flipping perspectives. 

Just a random Idea, I've been thinking on it as I worry I head through the same problem so adapted this format to my own work.

[Jeff Burton]

1 minute ago, Topher Lydon said:

I've been thinking of your 12 chapter hump problem.

I *might* have a suggestion. Write a three act story. Which is just three stories in a row. Keep them to 12 chapters each. Act one set up and set the relationship etc. Act two evolve the problems, and Act 3 is conclusion to the three stories tying them together. You don't even need to have the same characters in all three acts, though it helps if they are connected be it setting, supporting characters, or even flipping perspectives. 

Just a random Idea, I've been thinking on it as I worry I head through the same problem so adapted this format to my own work.

Thanks mate, I appreciate it. I'm actually going to send my real reply in a PM.  Gotta have that OPSEC.

[Jeff Burton]

Sigh. I can't stop writing and I have enough new stuff.   I think I need professional help.

I was lying on my bed, phone pressed to my ear, half-listening to the rain outside and fully ignoring the mountain of homework I wasn’t going to touch tonight. My burrito had gone cold an hour ago, and the Netflix screen was still paused on the Are you still watching? judgment.

“Jesus,” my sister said, “you sound like crap.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. “That’s the kind of support I live for.”

She made a sound, somewhere between a sigh and an eye-roll. “I’m serious. You’ve barely texted since the breakup. Mom’s starting to think you joined a cult.”

“If I did, I’d at least pick one with better food. Maybe robes.”

“I’m not kidding. You really okay?”
I stared at the ceiling, counting the thumbtacks holding up a poster that no longer meant anything. “I dunno. Some days suck. Some suck less. I’m not writing poetry in my own blood or anything.”

“Ugh. Why do you say things like that?”

“Because I know it makes you gag a little.” I smiled, just barely.

There was a pause. Not awkward, just quiet. Familiar.

“Just… don’t shut me out, okay?” she said. “You don’t have to act like everything’s fine when it’s not. You don’t get a prize for bottling it up.”

“I know.”

“Promise me?”

“I promise.”

She let out a breath, like she’d been holding it the whole time. “Okay. Love you, idiot.”

“Love you too.” I rubbed a hand over my face, closing my eyes. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry, girl.”

I glanced toward the window, where the storm clouds looked like they were brooding just for me.

“I’m not expecting any hot guys to drop out of the sky anytime soon.”
 

Um, except they can?

The stars twisted and blurred as the scout vessel dropped out of supralight.

A shudder ran down the spine of the ship like a ripple through muscle. Its hull, once sleek and matte-black against the void, flickered with residual energy discharge. The view from the cockpit stretched unnaturally, snapping into focus with a nauseating jolt that threw the lone pilot forward against his harness.

The ship protested in a chorus of warning chimes.

“GRAVITIC FIELD DISSIPATION INCOMPLETE.”
“INERTIA COMPENSATION UNSTABLE.”
“NACELLE TWO—CRITICAL DAMAGE DETECTED.”

“What-?” The pilot’s voice caught in his throat, raspy and panicked. His four-fingered hand shot across the control panel, pale under the emergency lights. A diagnostic display flared to life, then overloaded, bathing the cockpit in red.

Something had hit them.

Something small. Unplanned. Unmapped. Orbiting at a wild, illogical vector. A fragment of twisted, ancient alloy.

The pilot isolated the impact-Portside Nacelle Two. The damage report was grim. The external plasma conduit had ruptured. Energized exhaust was venting into space like arterial spray. Subsystems in the left aft quadrant were unresponsive. His fingers danced over the controls, rerouting power, attempting to activate the emergency dampeners.

The ship groaned. Something inside, metal or bone, cracked.

“STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY BREACH. PRIMARY SKELETON COMPROMISED.”

No.

No, no, no.

He was a surveyor, not a fighter. A long-range scout, trained to log anomalies, observe emergent cultures from a safe distance, and get back to the network beacon alive. His mission was supposed to be clean, quiet.

Not this.

Auto-navigation was gone. The ship refused to level. He fought the yaw manually, the controls sluggish and unresponsive. Outside the main viewport, space wheeled sickeningly, stars sliding past like melting constellations.
He switched to the external scanners.

There…a star system.

Just barely within range.

A dull, yellow star at its center, radiating steady light. Eight planets, according to the scan. Four rocky interiors, four gas giants stretched across the outer rim. The ship’s biosensors pulsed, pinging faint traces of oxygen, nitrogen—stable, breathable.

Planet Three.

He keyed in the nav data and initiated a system scan, hoping to cross-reference the region, build a planetary profile, something. The onboard library flickered, drew from its catalogue, and spat out a message in bright, pulsing letters:

“SYSTEM RESTRICTED — DO NOT ENTER — DANGEROUS SPECIES DETECTED.”
 “CLASSIFICATION: 2B34D”

His breath hitched.

 “2B34D?”

He read it again.

No. No, that couldn’t be right. He’d heard the warnings, of course. Every Academy student had.  “Stay away from 2B34D.” “They reverse-engineer everything they find.” “They fight without reason, dissect without ethics.” “They’re violent, tribal, relentless.” “They steal ships.” The training vids had called the system a ‘cultural quagmire.’ The senior officers used a different word:

“Deathtrap.”

The pilot leaned forward, trying to get the starfield into view, to see for himself. But the ship jerked, hard, as another stabilizer failed.

“STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY BREACH. SECTION FOUR UNSEALED.”

He slammed a hand against the console.

There was no time. He couldn’t jump out, the plasma leak was interfering with the drive coil. The FTL would tear the remaining engine to pieces. Even if it worked, he wouldn’t be going far. And there was no guarantee he wouldn’t fragment mid-jump.
Maybe…maybe-he could make a micro-jump, use the remaining coil energy to inch closer to the third planet. Get within atmospheric braking range. But with the shields drained, the cloak at minimum charge, and power bleeding out from the nacelle conduit…

He’d be seen. If they had any form of deep-orbit surveillance, they’d spot the energy bloom like a flare in the night.

Still. Better to crash than die screaming in the void.

He punched in the jump vector manually, bracing for the jolt. The ship screamed as spacetime folded around it. The stars blinked, shivered…and then returned.

He was closer now.

Close enough to see the blue-green curvature of the third planet. Its upper atmosphere shimmered in the distance. The bioscanner confirmed it again: oxygen-rich. Gravity tolerable.
Life detected.

Then the screen blinked again.

“ARTIFICIAL SATELLITE DETECTED.”

He squinted. The object was small, ancient, non-functional—clearly relic tech, and it was tumbling away from his ship.

Designation tag: Voyager 1.
Origin: 2B34D.

He cursed. That was what he’d hit.

He’d been knocked into the forbidden system by a drifting piece of interstellar garbage. A child’s toy left in space by a species too aggressive to be trusted.

“I’m going to die because of trash.”

He angled the ship toward the night side, hoping to minimize visual exposure. There! A landmass. Sparse biosignature clusters. Flat terrain. High plains. No orbital defense grid, no evident space traffic. Minimal risk.

He locked in trajectory, and 

“CLOAKING SHROUD: 32% FUNCTIONAL.”
“DEFENSIVE FIELD COUPLING: STABLE.”
“SUBLIGHT ENGINES: BARELY.”

It would have to be enough.

He keyed in a final distress signal on a narrow encrypted band. No response. Not even a pingback. The beacon couldn’t activate without triggering every low-frequency surveillance satellite on the planet.

There would be no help.

Only the fall.

Edited July 22, 2025 by Jeff Burton