AFriendlyFace

Happy Birthday, dude!

LOL, yes I am. But on the bright side I have people with whom I do most of those things anyway. I just don't have one particular person whom I do them all with. In reality, expecting to share all those things with anyone person probably isn't very realistic anyway. I'm quite happy single, and not all that eager to shake things up. If the right person came along that I meshed well with and with whom I could share most of the important things on my list, then I'd certainly pursue that, but in the meantime I'm much happier on my own than in an unsatisfying relationship. -Kevin

I did say there might always be exceptions, lol You know, I can actually respect that. I don't quite understand it directly myself though, but I can respect it. Actually I usually find it very difficult to have any respect for gender roles. So you phrased that in a really good way! I was with you through the shopping and sitting with your girlfriends in the kitchen...but then you sorta lost me I want a boyfriend I can go shopping with; then later we can go rollerblading. I want a guy with whom I can just sit with while we discuss our thoughts and feelings; then we can hit the batting cages. I want a boy I can get a manicure with; then we can go rock climbing (okay, maybe we should get the manicures after the rock climbing ). I'll be happy to change his flat tire if he'll take out the trash. I'll cook dinner if he does the laundry. We can take turns cleaning the bathroom. We can have a lot of sex and a lot of cuddling. I'll pay for dinner and he can get the tickets. He can do all the driving when we're together. If anyone ever gives us any crap I'll tell them off or kick their ass (even though I'm a pacifist). I'll keep things tidy and organized around the house. He can do all the vacuuming and dusting. That's sorta what I'm after. Very good point. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's also a very good point, Billy! There's nothing sexier than confidence or people just being themselves Take care all Kevin

Please do, I always enjoy reading about those sorts of social phenomena. For me this is one of the best 'reasons' for having sex early on in a story. If you're writing about people who have been in a relationship awhile it isn't at all unrealistic that they're having sex. I personally started my story Indefensible with two sets of couples having sex in the first chapter. I had a specific reasons and it was to highlight differences in the lives of my characters, where and who they were, etc. But the two couples were both serious couples. In general do I think "instant hook-ups" are unrealistic? No, not at all. It depends on the situation though. I think it's unrealistic to have two characters who have never met cross paths in a non-sexual environment and suddenly be having sex, or even get on the topic at all. If on the other hand they meet in a bar, or online, then I think it's very realistic that they might have sex right away. You have to keep in mind what the characters' likely motivation is. Someone who walks into the grocery store to buy toilet paper and milk isn't expecting sex, won't be on the look out for it, and probably won't be especially receptive to the suggestion. Someone on a hook-up site, or even just in a bar, might very much be wanting and hoping to have sex and will definitely be on the look out for it. If you instead start with the premise that the characters know each other already and are having a first date, then it may or may not be realistic depending on the characters themselves. Some people are willing to have sex on the first date, some are disinclined to do so. I think it just needs to match with the way the characters are written. Apart from strangers having sex as the result of unlikely encounters and circumstances I think one of the most unrealistic things an author can do is have the characters both fall instantly and deeply in love with each other. Yeah that's believable, two presumably stable adults crossing paths in the produce section, deciding to get it on in the parking lot, and then professing their undying love and commitment to each other. In general I'm more put off by this fast love phenomenon in stories. "Oh we've only just met, but as soon as I looked into your eyes I knew we'd be together forever." How romantic ...and utterly preposterous. Even if people do fall in love that fast - and I suppose some people do - they aren't generally likely to take such a huge step and be that direct and vulnerable with the other person. Besides, even if they tried I don't think they'd be as emotional articulate and certainly not as sugary sweet. What's even less believable is when the other person feels exactly the same way, is completely comfortable and confident about this sudden impact love, and responds in kind. I'd only buy that if it were really well-written and the author portrayed the characters as naive and desperate for love. I'd then expect a host of problems to develop for this couple over the remainder of the book. Not crazy, external problems, but direct problems involving the relationship itself. So yeah, instant hook-ups can be very unrealistic, but I'm even more shocked - most of the time - by instant "love." -Kevin

Oh no, Nicholas, I'm so sorry! I'm with Verm and SRevol on this one. Time and space are your friends (not to mention a sci-fi writer's plot devices). I know it sucks and hurts like hell waiting, wanting to fix it and not being able to, and generally freaking out about the whole thing, but seriously don't push too hard. I obviously don't know the situation as well as you do, but I do see a few things going on. Drew is reeling from a breakup with someone he cares about. He isn't over her. He just had sex with his best friend. His best friend is in love with him. Drew's kinda got a lot on his plate right now. You mentioned how much it sucks not being able to talk to your best friend about this, and I know that does suck big time But think about how he likely feels not being able to talk to either of the two people he's closet to. Obviously you know the situation better than I do or ever could, and please don't take my advice if you think it's crappy for your situation, but I think the easiest way to keep his friendship would be to give him about a week or so without any form of contact, and then shoot him the most casual, easy going text message you can come up with. Just sort of a "Hi, whatcha up to, dude?" Or better yet, just casually start talking about something relatively minor going on in your life, "Man, my boss is in the worst mood today. What have you been up to anyway?" What you guys' friendship has going for it is that it's old, familiar, comfortable, and all around easy. It shouldn't be too hard to fall back into it once the feelings aren't as fresh. I think Mark's got a good point here. I personally like talking about my feelings. If I'm having an issue with someone and they ask me that it feels like a relief and I welcome it. However, I'm not like most other guys in this regard. I once wrecked a friendship by pressing a close friend to open up about his feelings. You know what finally fixed the situation? A year of barely talking combined with the fact that we genuinely liked and respected each other. Don't let that happen to you, give him some space and some time to work stuff out. Just stay receptive and supportive and of course accept any approach he makes. Naturally you don't leave it for too long before you try to contact him again, but I'd suggest giving it at least a week. Just my advice though, please don't take it if it doesn't seem to apply to you, him, and the situation. Take care and good luck, Kevin

That does really awesome and beautiful! That does sound amusing! Poor dog. I would like experience these cliches. I bet they are really fun. Thanks, that's good advice.

Interesting topic, Mark! Of course everyone knows that I don't have much to say on this issue In all honesty though, the poll is difficult for me to answer because I personally have a strong preference for a sort of 'versatility', middle of the road, not too femme, not too butch sort of guy. So I'd personally have preferred some sort of middle or "other" option. However, I gave the poll a shot anyway: Which type of guy are you most attracted to? In terms of looks most definitely "effeminate." I'd describe it more as the pretty boy, twinkish sort of look. I like guys who have a smaller build (height and weight), smooth, soft looking skin, and are lightly muscled or "toned". I prefer guys with longer hair, not long like shoulder length, but more like the plenty of full bangs sort of look. I'm fairly flexible on all this though. That's really only physically though. My preference for personality in terms of someone I'm dating is definitely for them to be well-balanced and middle of the road. Romantically I prefer guys who aren't "big queens" (just romantically, I'm fine with "big queens" in general), but who are obviously gay. Actually, I have the delightful benefit of almost exclusively being attracted to gay guys. Very few straight guys do anything for me, unless they are the really pretty type and have a very chill, non-butch, emotive type of personality. I could fall for a pretty looking, straight hippie/surfer/emo type but that's about it. As I've said many times before, I like "masculine" gay guys just fine, but I'm usually not interested in them romantically. Ideally my type is the twink with the balance in personality. Failing this balanced boy, I'd lean slightly toward effeminate over masculine for my boyfriend. That's not to say I couldn't date a "masculine" gay guy under the right circumstances...it's just more unlikely and he'd have to be very open-minded and willing to balance our roles in the relationship. Would you invite and effeminate man to dinner with your family? Of course. I'd also invite a masculine gay. I'd invite anyone I cared about and wanted to introduce. What type of guy are you? The versatile, middle of the road type. I always like to embrace the best of each and discard the worst (which is of course just my opinion about what is good and what is bad in each). So it's really hard for me to pick one or the other for myself. It completely depends on what we're talking about, and even in most specific areas I prefer a mixed, go with the flow, let's see where I end up sort of approach. One of my main obstacles in dating is that I frequently find myself annoyed by being locked into a role. I flipflop alot between "I don't need you to look after me. Don't you dare control me, even in a nice way. Let me help you and quit being such a tough guy." to "make me feel special and pretty!" I dunno, it's almost impossible to pick. In the absence of a total balance and assuming the disparity is only slight, I'm more comfortable relating to others from a slightly more masculine perspective; however, by myself, just me in my head, probably slightly more feminine (or effeminate for the sake of this poll ). Told you guys, I didn't have much to say about this -Kevin

Oh no! I had heard nothing of this! How terrible

Wooo HOOO! Happy Birthday, Nick!! I hope you're having a fantastic day and may the coming year bring you all the peace and happiness that life has to offer -Kevin

I'll go with being corrected quietly. Would you rather mispronounce - in a very odd and embarrassing way - a very common word while giving a speech. OR Accidentally drink ketchup while on a first date with someone you really like.

Is it okay if I start playing too?

Yep, that's Bodega Bay by our very own Nickolas James! A terrific story from a very talented writer! You should drop by his forum too if you get a chance and tell him how much you liked it Take care, Kevin

Congrats, dude

Tim and Kit have both offered some excellent advice. I would say let the story choose. Whenever you feel compelled to work on one of them, go for it! After awhile you'll probably notice that one or two are further along than the others. At that point do try to focus primarily on those. Just my advice. I would also recommend that you do what feels right for you. Odds are high that Tim, Kit, and I all approach writing in at least a slightly, if not very, different way. The same can probably be said about every other author here with regards to everyone else. The real trick is knowing what works best for you. I also happen to agree with Tim and Kit's voting selections as well, and also picked 2 and 4. Of those I'm slightly more interested in 4. Take care and good luck Kevin

Another smaller scam involves shipping and moving fees. If you've ever tried to sell anything online you'll get a random, poorly written, email from someone offering you a better bid than you received from anyone else or expected to receive. They'll then go on to say that they've already got a shipping/moving company all lined up and will pay for shipping, but they want to avoid the extra fees involved with doing a second transfer (or there'll be some other excuse) so they'll send the agreed upon amount plus the shipping and moving fee, and you are to then send just the moving fee off to another account, presumably the person/company responsible for handling the shipping/moving. Naturally if you do this you'll wind up being out the shipping and moving amount and the other funds won't clear. Usually they will be quite far away and try this scam on a large object so that the fees are understandably high. Often the fact that they are far away also helps "explain" why they have to use this particular company (there's a local branch in their city, or they couldn't do foot research in your city so they had to take what they could get, etc). On another note, at first I thought this thread said "Beware of Freud." Naturally as someone with a background in psychology this piqued my interest. -Kevin

I just wanted to wish Niels a fantastic and happy 21st birthday! Have a great one! -Kevin

Have a very awesome and special birthday, Tiff! -Kevin

Wooo HOOO! Welcome to the board, Lisa! Have a fantastic day! Kevin

Oh dear, how awful! I'm so sorry

What is the general condition now? Have things settled down? What are they projecting the damage and loss to be? Timeline on recovery? Just curious and concerned -Kevin

I can't imagine that! The general seems much too old for her and not inclined toward dating younger people. I don't get the impression Felicia would go for older guys either. Plus, they don't seem like they have much in common and like they have very different values. Just doesn't look like a promising romance to me. I think you mean Jane, not Julie.

Well, no one bothers me much anyway since I live alone, but I'm very much in agreement with Sharon about her choices. I love to cook, and it's a close second, but washing dishes is definitely my favourite. It's a really great way to just zone out and think, and I like the feel of the warm water, and the feeling of accomplishment. It feels clean to wash dishes. The other chores like dusting, vacuuming, and cleaning the bathroom all make me feel dirty and I do not like them at all. Dusting isn't all that bad I suppose, but I don't care for it. I loath vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom, but I virtually never vacuum in the first place (it's always been optional as far as I'm concerned) and cleaning the bathroom doesn't really take that long. So the chore I hate the most is most definitely LAUNDRY! EUGH! It has the benefit of not making me feel dirty but that's about all it's got going for me. It takes forever and I'm really picky about how things are arranged in my closets/drawers, plus I iron after I do laundry (and thus just consider it part of the territory like the washing, drying, and folding/hanging), so it's just a miserable ordeal. I think one of the main reasons I have so many clothes is so that I can go as long as possible without doing laundry I can make it a month even on underwear/socks and towels, and my supply of shirts, pants, and other accessories is such that I can easily go for multiple months if I'm really avoiding the laundry thing The only thing that really gets me bogged down is that a few of my outfits are my favourites, so I usually only wash because I want one or two specific pieces. Of course then I wash the whole lot. Take care all, Kevin

Robert, that's wonderfully said! Hmm, well I'm going to have to disagree with you just a bit, Tim. At least with regards to my own life and experiences. There's no question at all that I almost always prefer guys and that I'm happier living my life among gays and lesbians. However, I'm..."bi-curious" I suppose, and I've been interested in experimenting, and would theoretically be open to the idea of an actual relationship, though I think it's fairly unlikely. It's not easy at all. The majority of my friends, who are mostly gay and lesbian, are at best confused by the idea. The general tone, seems to be "we'll reluctantly support you if that's what you want." Recently I was having a conversation with my best friend about the topic, and he pretty much said it just like that. A few moments later another friend joined us. My first friend said, "We were just talking about bisexuals." Whereupon my second friend, who was completely unaware of my position and feelings, said "Oh bisexuals..." and proceeded to criticize them. In terms of "worrying what others might think" dating a girl would be much more ostracizing for me. OK, it might be more readily accepted by casual strangers, but I'm not as concerned about their opinion in the first place, so that's little consolation. As I said, these are just my experiences and feelings on the matter. I suppose for guys who aren't actively involved in the gay community it would be easier, but personally I feel like expressing bisexual feelings is quite a stigma in the gay community (in the straight community too if they find out you're bisexual as opposed to just straight). It also fills me with more internal distress. Not over my feelings, but over how it'll be perceived by my community (which is somewhat important to me) and whether it would discredit me in terms of being able to fight for acceptance and tolerance of gay and lesbian people ("What do you know about gay life? You're dating a girl." kinda thing). It even makes me wonder sometimes whether or not it really would be some form of 'betrayal' as some in the gay community like to say. Anyway, I don't even identify as bisexual, and my bisexual feelings are usually fairly rare and non-intense. So I would assume, theoretically, that it's even harder for true bisexuals actively involved in the gay community. Just my thoughts though -Kevin

Hey, you boys are like me only introverted! Actually, I've always considered myself both introverted and extroverted. I feel like they occur more along two separate scales than as polar opposites. -Kevin