AFriendlyFace

Well, I don't suppose that's true. Very often I seem to be able to liven them up. Tonight though I definitely killed it. I went out to dinner with Scott and Brian then we went for coffee (btw, hottest guy in the WORLD, working behind that counter! ). Anyway, we usually have fairly serious discussions, which is one of the things I enjoy most about hanging out with them. We discuss philosophy, death, politics, religion (ad nauseum), and pretty much anything else. Anyway, last night one of the blogs I didn't post was about my thoughts and feelings on John leaving and people moving on with their lives in general, so I thought it was a perfectly acceptable topic to bring up. ...yeah not so much. I swear I thought they were going to both cry...actually Scott did cry a bit in the car on the way home. My opinion is that it's okay, important even, for people to do what the need to do. I think that the most important thing about a relationship is living in the moment, enjoying it, fully experiencing it, giving and sharing, and then having happy times to look back on and always being able to think of the person fondly. I've 'left' or 'been left by' quite a few people over the course of my life. I've lived in three cities, and had friends I loved a great deal. A few people I've stayed in touch with, to some degree or another, but most are only a happy memory. I think of them and I smile, and I remember what we had, what we went through together, and I wish them well, and I wonder what they're up to. It's nice. It fills me with a warm sort of happiness to know that I have people all over the country (and outside of the country) that I love and care about and with whom I've shared my life. It is not sad for me. But I got on the topic, and we talked about the possibility of our own friendships ending (not a stretch for Brian and me in the first place given that ours is already in it's second life), and the next thing I knew they both looked near tears and Brian made up an excuse to leave. Scott cried a bit on the way home and wouldn't talk very much. What he did say is that I had a different perspective on things because my family accepts me...which I guess is true, and it definitely made me feel like shit. I tried to be nice, I tried to lighten things up, I tried to tell them how much I cared..I think I made the hole deeper. I guess I do have different perspectives than they do. Brian doesn't trust people or open up very easily. That's probably why he ended our friendship in the first place. It's probably also why he made an effort to reconcile it. I guess he concluded that he still trusted me to some extent that was rare and important enough to work on. Telling him I'd probably leave some day wasn't exactly a comfort. I do see things differently. The only reason I was open to working out our problems is precisely because I can live in the moment and try to set the past and future aside. Here we are, right now, and I care about you, and I'm happy, and that's enough. I thought about it and I realized that even given the shit and pain he put me through I was still very grateful for our friendship and I'd had a lot of good times. I still cared about him as a person. So even if we'd never spoken again I could have gotten to a place where I was happy it had all happened and could look back on him fondly (indeed I did get to that place before he decided he wanted to make up). The reason I decided it was okay to have another round wasn't because I thought he'd changed and I didn't expect him to do it again. That isn't the case at all. I think there's a damn good chance he'll do it again, and a damn good chance I'll get pretty f**kin hurt again, but I know we'll have a lot more good times (indeed we already have), and I strongly think that if we do 'break up' again, I'll ultimately be able to appreciate the second go around again too. Besides that I'm pretty confident in my resilience. I get knocked down, but I always get up again. So yeah, I flubbed with Brian, but despite all that I know I screwed up much worse with Scott. I think the more I told him "I care about you" the more he heard "but I'm still going to leave you anyway." I guess it is harder for him if he feels like his friends are the only family he has. I suppose it didn't help that for most of the discussion I was too fixated on trying to make my own point to see that I really should have dropped it. I kept trying to point out the various things which might cause us to separate, things like jobs, partners, death, sick family etc. Gee I wonder why pointing out that death and serious illness were real possibilities didn't cheer him up? The truth is I hope we do grow into little old queens together, but somehow it doesn't seem very likely to me that we'll still be living in the same city, or if we do that we will have always done. Is it all my fault? I guess I am more likely to be the one that leaves. Even if I'm not I'm probably the one who'll get hurt less, the one who'll bounce back more quickly. I've been around more than a little. I haven't been all over, but I've had varied experiences in many different places. I've had a wide range of friends. Online I've been in several communities, I've known people through tons of jobs, hobbies, and chance encounters. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to stop any time soon. It's not that I'm discontent; I'm not. It's just that there's a lot out there and I like poking around. As most of you have noticed sometimes I'm here a lot, and sometimes I'm no where to be found. Well, the truth is that I love it here, I love the community, I love the mission, but some day I probably won't be back. I'm not planning it, not anymore than I'm planning to leave Houston, but realistically it'll probably happen. When it does I'll have a lot of happy memories and people to look back on fondly. I'll also have a lot more adventures waiting for me and the sincerest of hopes that everyone is okay, and happy our paths crossed. I could have lived my life quite contentedly in the city I grew up in. I could have literally kept the friends I had when I was 8 until I or them died, and that wouldn't have been bad at all. But I'd sure have hated to miss out on my life in Baton Rouge. I can't stand to think that I wouldn't have done the things I did, met the people I met, gone through all that. I sure as hell could have lived my life happily there. Yet, of all the times I've spent, I think the best have been in Houston. To think that I'd have missed the experiences I've had here is beyond tragic. Sometimes I do think I might stay though. Sometimes the certain and familiar are pretty damn appealing. I guess at some point, somewhere, they'll be so appealing I'll just stay. I don't think I'm there yet though, and I don't think I want to be. Not just yet anyway.

Hi all, Since we've now had a month's distance and perspective from 2008 I thought it might be fun if we reflected on what some of the best events of the year might have been. I was specifically thinking of things that happened to you directly or directly impacted you, but more general things are okay too of course Just remember that politics and graphic sexual discussion isn't for The Lounge. So for me I was thinking: -I started a new job that love. -I reconciled with a good friend. -Two other close friends moved back to the area. -I wrote some of my favourite stories. -I got contacts and glasses (who knew trees had individuals leaves on them?!) -I read quite a few excellent books and stories. So what about for each of you? Take care all and have a great day -Kevin

Aww, thanks Procyon!

I'm looking forward to seeing it!

I'm inclined to think he would. He doesn't seem liked he'd have hang up in this regard and he also seems legitimately interested in exploring this side of himself, so I don't think it would take alcohol. Yes, I'm interested in seeing how that develops. I don't think her behaviour was all that shocking or terrible under the circumstances. I found it interesting too that it was justified right then and there as it was written. She was anxious about losing her husband over the situation and upset that her boys still have more loyalty and affection toward Helen. It's not surprising then that that stress and anxiety would cause her to feel a little territorial. I'm not saying I think her actions were right, but they're fairly understandable, and it seems to me that CJ has taken care to ensure that we at least have some sympathy and affection for Jane. And perhaps other people cope by climbing into bed with hot dancers?

It is indeed considering how many other nations have come so much further. I think part of it is the general attitude of 'the average American.' I think many Americans are resistant to change, have deeply embedded religious issues, and in general somehow feel like it's their right to stick their noses in other people's business. I think many Europeans and Canadians have a more laid-back, do your own thing and I'll mind my own business sort of attitude. Perhaps these cultural differences both make Americans more prone to activism and more likely to resist it?

It seems that very often when I sit down to write a blog entry I write a really long, open, honest one...then I decide I should post it in my private journal instead. Just did that actually. I really enjoyed writing it, and perhaps in a few months or years I'll enjoy reading it again. I didn't post it not because it was particularly personal, just because it was so long, so self-involved. I mean blogs are supposed to be self-involved aren't they? Or at least I would assume that it's okay to be self-involved in your own blog. Yet lately every time I write one I feel like I'm being arrogant or bragging. Like I'm saying "Look at me! Look how great I am!" Or alternatively like I'm just asking for attention in general. "Help me with my problems." "Feel sorry for me." Blah, just seems a bit unseemly.

You're both very beautiful Cute pic, Billy

LOL, I agree with these comments! Not having seen Equus all I have to go on is his Harry Potter performance. He's okay for that, perfectly adequate but not outstanding. I hope he does develop his chops as a serious actor.

I liked it That's a good idea!

Woo Hoo! That's awesome! Awww ...You would think Eugh, that sucks! It's definitely worth the DVD rental/purchase

Happy belated birthday!

I agree; the scruffy look just doesn't do much for me. The pretty boy look he had going in Twilight was nice though. He's just not as cute as Jasper though

These two points agree with wholeheartedly!

Awww

In my life I've thought long and hard about what gender means, and what it means "to be a man." I've ultimately decided that it means absolutely nothing. Gender is meaningless, and in my opinion the pursuit of assigning certain things as belonging to "the masculine" or "the feminine" realm is not only insulting, but completely pointless. I shall do, be, say, and think whatever the hell I like I shan't give a damn whether it's "masculine" or "feminine". Do I want 'to be a man'? God no! No more than I want 'to be lady.' Such things are ridiculous as far as I'm concerned.

I would disagree. Some people are completely unlikely to initiate greetings, conversation, and activities together. That doesn't mean they don't want those things. It just means they're shy or, for whatever reason, feel like it's the other person's responsibility. A good friend of mine is always complaining that guys he likes don't ask him out. I always reply that he should ask them out himself. His response? "It's his job to ask me out." No, I don't personally understand it, and frankly that in and of itself would make me not particularly want to date someone, but nevertheless that's how some people think. It's possible that this guy just doesn't want to do the pursuing but instead wants to be pursued. If that in and of itself doesn't put you off, Zapp, then I'm afraid you will have to do the pursuing if you like him. I'm not saying that's the situation at all. I'm just pointing out that incidents like that disprove the theory that he'll actively show interest or take initiative if he likes you. I do agree with this. Again it's possible he'll be too shy, but if he does do these things then that is certainly a good sign.

HAHAHHA! You guys are so delightfully wacky

Moving stuff around can definitely invigorate a living space. It's actually nice to walk into a room, shut your eyes, and not know exactly where everything is. I moved my whole place around a few months ago. It was really nice, but it's already starting to feel 'old' again. I think the problem is that I'm sick of these walls and this carpet. To remedy that I'd have to move completely though. I'd like to actually, but I have to be realistic and realize that I probably won't find something I like as much for the same price. So I guess I'll have to wait it out awhile longer. Anyway, congrats on the spring cleaning. Now bring the spring! I'm sick of winter, it's all dreary all the time. Take care, Kevin

Aww That's really sweet of you! Thanks, Corvus! Anyway, slightly less enthusiastic or not, I think you're pretty nifty

Or so I accidentally said in a text this afternoon. I was hanging out at our favourite cafe with Scott and Brian today when I got a text from John. He moved away to Connecticut a couple of weeks ago and it was basically a "hey, what are you up to" text. So I responded saying where we were and he said "Aww, I miss going there." Now I meant to respond with "I miss being here with you." Unfortunately, I suck at texting/typing/reading and talking/listening so I was saying to Scott and Brian "I'm sorry I'm texting; I feel rude." (Because I really do feel rude texting/talking on the phone if I'm hanging out with other people) So yeah, I ended up mixing my words and texting "I miss being rude." Anyway, I do miss going there with John I'm actually thinking he's going to end up coming back. I kinda thought he might all along anyway, but I think it's still something he needed to go and check out. Anyway, the way I see it he'll either come back (YAY), or he'll decide he's happy and stay (also YAY), so either way it'll work out In other news I had my friend Jesse over for dinner the other night and naturally Lucky (my cat) was all over her. That cat is so adorably friendly and social. I don't think she's ever met a person, or another animal for that matter, that she didn't like. Anyway, she's REALLY good-natured and nothing makes her happier than cuddling with someone. So Jesse made this awesome suggestion! She proposed that I look into enrolling Lucky in one of those 'animals in nursing homes/hospitals' programs. Ya know, where they bring the animals in to sit with the sick or elderly. I think that's a terrific idea! Lucky would have a fantastic time, and if I do say so myself she's a pretty awesome cat. Even people that don't like cats like Lucky, so I definitely think she could cheer people up. I also got hit on by two separate guys at Kroger this evening. I took one of the incidents as a nice little compliment, but the other one made me a bit uncomfortable. I noticed this cute guy (see it always helps when the flirter is cute ) checking me out and when I caught him he just gave this cute little sheepish smile, and when I smiled back he sort of winked. So perfectly pleasant there. The other guy...not so much. He was walking toward me so I sort of stepped back to let him pass, but he adjusted his direction so that he still walked directly into my right shoulder/side. Not hard, but firmly and he sorta passed really slow and lingered. Now really I had no idea what was going on until I looked up, already thinking "how rude," and when I made eye contact he DIDN'T smile, he just sort of leered at me. It's interesting because I just finished a book about body language/touch, and I think one of the main problems is that he invaded my personal space and broke a lot of 'social rules' when it comes to asking permission/apologizing. Conversely, the other guy played by all the 'rules' mentioned in the book. When someone catches you staring, for whatever reason, you're 'supposed' to give a quick smile and look away. I then followed it up by catching his eye and smiling myself, which made the returned attention and friendly wink acceptable. In fact that's almost exactly how the book said it was supposed to work. And no, of course I wasn't thinking about these things while they were happening, but it's interesting to reflect on. Anyway, needless to say given all the attention I received today (even Scott was very complimentary about my appearance) I shall definitely be wearing that outfit again

Eh, personally I don't care for it. Gets kinda old and annoying. But then maybe I'm just no fun I agree that it isn't so bad if it's only done rarely to reflect a long term change that the member feels is necessary. I guess maybe once every year or so seems okay. More than that and I find it a bit tiresome. I wouldn't be opposed to that at all Kevin (who still has the same display name he registered with)

Very cute indeed

Welcome aboard.