AFriendlyFace

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

Aww thanks everyone -Kevin

*waves* Nice to see you again, David

I think that's very well said, Charles! I completely agree on all points! CJ consistently writes moving and compelling stories (along with a few cliffhangers )!

LOL, for some reason that reminded me of that Katy Perry Song, "I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It" If/when I ever experiment with a girl I plan on telling my friends in exactly that way (well, assuming I do like it ) One thing I've notice about guys (Ok, I've noticed more than one thing) is that I have a stronger reaction to them in general. For example there are many guys I find really HOT. There are many guys I'm neutral about (or neutral swaying slightly favourably or negatively). There are many guys I unfortunately find horribly unattractive. With women I'm much more neutral overall. There are a few girls I find really hot. Nearly all in the middle range. There are a few girls I find horribly unattractive. Thus, there are actually many more men that I'd under no circumstances ever want to be with than women. However there are many more men that I'd definitely really like to be with. I just think this is interesting because I get the impression that most gay males would almost always rather be with a male than a female. If we're talking about two 'unattractive' people I'd probably rather go with the female honestly. If we're talking about two 'attractive' people then I'd definitely go with the male. That's just my subjective taste, what I find unattractive other people might find really HOT, so I'm not trying to be judgmental.

Yep, these both tap into accountability and they're a great resource. LOL, in many ways it sounds like the last two both boil down to "That could be be!". Only the first one is said with a grimace and the second is said optimistically! Upward and downward comparisons are also both helpful, and having pretty 'scenery' to look at would definitely seem to help! Here's a few more: -Make specific manageable goals. Let's use your example of exercise. Say you want to lose 40 pounds all together. Break that up. Set a goal of maybe two pounds a week. That seems much more manageable and it's easy to focus on losing two pounds. If you're trying to bulk up or something set smaller, manageable weightlifting goals. If you're trying to run or swim more quickly or with more endurance you can similarly break it down and be specific. The most important thing is having specific goals and making them attainable over the short-term. "Getting into shape" is a poor goal. "Losing 50 pounds by next year" doesn't seem manageable and it's difficult to hold yourself accountable (you may not lose much or any weight until November or December and then be trying to 'hustle'...or more likely give up). -Visualize your goal. Imagine yourself with that new body, or how it will feel to reach your goals. Remind yourself of the benefits. Concentrate on the emotions involved. -Make your goal visible and easy to remember It needs to be strongly on your mind. Do what it takes to make that happen. Maybe carry around an index card or something in your pocket with your goal written on it. Take that out at set times of the day and go back to the visualization exercises. It might sound silly but you might try setting an alarm (maybe on your watch or cell phone?) to go off every few hours. When it rings stop and think about your goal and what you're doing to achieve it. Focus on your goal every morning before you get up and every night when you go to sleep. -Be consistent! It takes about two weeks for something to become a 'habit' (or to break a habit), so get yourself into a routine and don't break it! -Be forgiving You're going to have set backs. Don't let that discourage you or cause you to give up entirely. Simply refocus your goals and focus on all your other strategies. Definitely keep using the accountability strategies and those upward and downward comparisons. Good luck! -Kevin

Welcome dudes, it's really awesome having ya'll here! I look forward to interacting with ya around the forums -Kevin

I actually just mentioned this in a PM to Drew then realized it was probably suitable here as well. So here's a really simple, easy recipe that I've had a ton of compliments about:

OK, this is my observation: it just doesn't matter! Let me be honest, I use plain ol' water for almost every type of surface cleaning. A damp cloth is usually all you need on a plastic, wooden, or metallic surface. That said, I am a mild germaphobe so I spray everything down with Lysol after I get the stain off, but yeah water is really all you need to do the job the majority of the time. Now that's just for regular floors and surfaces though. For windows, glass, and mirrors I use a generic, knock-off version of Windex. Again there's really no increase in quality with name-brand. All you really need is any sort of liquid that won't streak. For carpets and upholstery I use knock-off Resolve. I think there actually IS more a variation in quality when it comes to cleaning cloth and fabrics and I do keep around namebrand cleaners for really tough stains, but most of the time a generic will do the trick. I imagine ovens would be difficult to clean, but I've honestly never bothered so I wouldn't know. I've always had an oven that purported itself to be 'self cleaning' and it always did a good enough job to satisfy me. Apart from which nearly all the cooking I do is stove top (it's just so much more fun and I generally prefer the taste) so I'm not a heavy oven user anyway. Stove top cleaning is the most difficult to do with plain ol' water, but honestly I wouldn't want to spray chemicals on my stove top (just seems like a bad idea), and I usually can get it clean with a bit of elbow grease. So yeah, water for like 95% of my cleaning and a few other things for random, specialized cleaning. If you have a really stubborn surface stain adding a bit of vinegar into the equation is a pretty cheap, non-toxic, eco-friendly and EFFECTIVE alternative too. -Kevin

I dunno, I'm pretty sure if I were constipated I wouldn't feel like swimming either. Of course and this is extremely good planning on their part! It makes avoiding the commercials all but impossible, thus people 'give up' and just watch the stupid things. Radio stations do the exact same thing. The best you can hope for is to catch a station that's starting a bit late and has one more song, then maybe catch another that's finishing up early. However, you're still stuck having to listen to a commercial for most of the middle of that time and I think that while it's extremely irritating it's a really good idea from their standpoint. By sort of forming this alliance it makes them less likely to steal each other's viewers/listeners as well. Doing so of course appears appealing from an individual standpoint, but collectively it does harm - especially since no one would be watching/listening to the commercials.

Beasty may be right, although to be honest what I was thinking is that in all likelihood some of the links are now broken as people have taken the photos down or moved them around over time. *shrug* Which ones were you talking about? Maybe one of us can check and see if they work for us? I agree! I never noticed you had green eyes before, Drewbie! Wow, dude! That's a really awesome picture! You look adorable I love that top one! You seem delightfully unsure and/or contemplative, very cute

Dude, that's terrific!! Good luck I'm celebrating being well caught up on most of my tasks.

LOL, and it's my experience that 'emo' straight guys don't tend to be homophobic. LOL, it's the ones that do cry, or express other emotions readily and freely, that - in my experience at least - tend to be the most accepting straight guys. They also happen to be the ones I do enjoy befriending the most. I think this is definitely a good point and definitely a big part of homphobia. I didn't mean to imply that homophobia as emotional jealousy was the primary reason, or even one of the top few reasons, why someone might be homophobic. However, I do think there's something in this theory, and I think it represents an aspect of homophobia. That's true, but I'm interested in your take on the reverse. How many 'gay' people do you know who get a few drinks in them and climb into bed with someone of the opposite sex? Shouldn't it be fairly prevalent as well? I think it probably is. I *might* 'experiment' with a pretty girl if I were drunk, single, and fairly horny and she came on to me. I think that probably is the case for a lot of 'gay' and 'lesbian' people as well, but there's that same general fear or reticence in the gay and lesbian community to admit it. What I think it really speaks of is the human need to stay within the lines and have everyone fit into neat little boxes. That definitely adds to homophobia IMO. I have two comments about this: First, I specifically meant 'internalized homophobia' as it relates to openly gay people (sorry I didn't say that). I would assume and readily admit that the incidence of internalized homophobia is probably quite high among closeted homosexuals. Indeed I think that having internalized homophobia is probably one of the main obstacles to coming out. I also think that internalized homophobia and the closet go hand in hand. I think that having internalized homophobia makes one more like to not come out, and I think not coming out makes one more likely to have internalized homophobia. Once a person 'takes the leap' and decides to come out I think that very often they have already dealt with much of their internalized homophobia or at least gotten to a place at which they're ready to start dealing with it. I also think that coming out itself is generally an affirming experience in that you're more likely to associate with other openly gay people (or strongly supportive straight allies) and are thus able to get support and sort of feed off each other's more positive, affirming attitudes. I also think that being out makes it easier to deal with internalized homophobia - even without the impact of other GLBT people - because you can then openly defend yourself and by so doing re-affirm to yourself your positive, healthy beliefs about homosexuality. So I definitely think internalized homophobia is often an issue for closeted people, people who have recently come out, and even a smaller percentage of more long-term out people. However, I really don't think it's anywhere near as prevalent and problematic for openly gay people. Nowadays we're seeing more and more people coming out as soon as they figure out that they're gay or lesbian. I think this results in less time to develop issues with it (after all even if you start out fine with it just having to keep something a 'dirty little secret' for too long makes it feel like a dirty little secret). I also think that an earlier age of coming out is itself indicative of less internalized homophobia. Thus, what I really meant by my statement was that it wasn't that much of a 'big deal' for the average out gay person, especially if he or she is fairly young. It's 'out dated' in that it was more of an issue when the majority of the GLBT population was in the closet (which as I said IMO often indicates, causes, and reinforces internalized homophobia). Homosexuality is much more 'out there' nowadays between the internet, television, movies, and other forms of exposure and it's just less of a taboo issue. As such, I think the people that are able to accept it and be open about it are also less likely to feel badly about it. The second point, was simply that I didn't want to discuss internalized homophobia in this thread (which I've obviously failed egregiously at doing) and instead wanted to keep the focus on a discussion of homophobia as emotional jealousy. OK, that's a good and valid point. However, it doesn't really change the general implications of my statement. I am defining 'emotional intimacy' as a comfort and willingness to, as you put it, engage in frank discussions of feelings, have affectionate touches, etc. It's fine if you don't think that necessarily equates to emotional intimacy. In fact I would have to agree with you and I readily acknowledge that my previous statement was based on my own paradigm of emotional intimacy. As a relativist I naturally accept and acknowledge that there's more than one way to be 'emotionally intimate'. However, just as James said about emo guys being emotionally expressive, and my observation that they tend to be less homophobic, I would say that those straight guys who aren't emotionally expressive and affectionate (whether or not they still have another paradigm of emotional intimacy) are still more likely to be homophobic than the straight guys who are emotionally expressive and affectionate (like the ones James mentioned). Basically, all I'm saying is that being emotionally open and expressive and being comfortable with non-sexual affection (which is my paradigm of 'emotional intimacy') makes straight guys less likely to be homophobic and that conversely straight guys who aren't comfortable with this are more likely to feel threatened when they see gay males doing these things with other males or with females. That is an excellent point I for example am unlikely to go around screaming and shouting or breaking things if I'm angry, but if I simply calmly say to someone, "I'm very upset," I feel like I am being emotionally expressive because I'm telling the person how I feel. Granted, I may not be demonstrating. By the same token if someone tells me that they're upset I'm comfortable and able to try to talk things out with them and work on the issue. However, if they start shouting or something I'm more likely to be shocked, uncomfortable, or generally to just shut down and have difficulty attending to their emotions or even openly conveying my own. That's definitely a personal, and yes probably cultural, bias. I imagine that in some cultures and environments a remark about being upset won't get you very far and if you want to discuss it and handle it you do need to be highly demonstrative. This goes back to my clarification above about internalized homophobia. Well, I was mostly joking before Well that's lovely and encouraging As I said, these are the sorts of straight guys I wouldn't expect to be homophobic. If they are homophobic then I would definitely attribute it to a different cause other than jealousy of emotional intimacy (as I said, I by no means meant to imply that that was the main cause of homophobia, only that it probably is one of the causes and that it's worth considering). Take care all and have a good day Kevin

Woo Hoo!! Happy Birthday Mike!! I hope you have a fantastic day and an awesome year!! -Kevin

Happy birthday, dude! Have a great one!

Thank you very much, Miguel! Both are now added

Hey Rafael! Thank you very much for your excellent and insightful comment! Thanks, and I'm flattered that you registered to comment! I'm sorry you felt let down As I said, I realize now that I probably didn't end this phase of the story as well as I'd hoped. However, I actually take some solace in the fact that you feel as though the end was like a new beginning! That's sort of ideal really I think that's a direct consequence of the story being told through Aaron's voice. He knows Mick and Jake and I wanted it to feel that way. The rest of the characters are rather mysterious to him at this point. They won't be by the end of the Worth A Shot though Good storylines indeed! I'll also say that all three are ones that I had considered. So I may be following one of the three, or maybe a modified version of one of the three, or maybe I'll take the story in a new direction, but either way, yep, good storylines that I had considered! Thanks! I'm really pleased that you care about what happens to them! I will say that there's a lot more in store for both of them Thanks, I think you're right. If I were Aaron I don't think I'd be in love with Ben either. On the other hand, Aaron's pretty inexperienced in general and he's never been in a proper relationship, so I think it's pretty easy to imagine him being taken in by Ben's charms. I've seen guys his age, with an equal amount of inexperience, 'fall in love' on much less. Thanks, and I did hope to portray that there could be the beginnings of something real and serious for Ben and Aaron. That's the delightful thing about falling in love when you're a bit naive and full of hope, sometimes on rare occasions it actually does work out. Other times it at least proves somewhat successful and you can leave the relationship a little bit wiser and more experienced and with some happy memories. Other times it turns into a total disaster. One of the three things, or a variation thereof, will happen here It seems to me, and I'm trying to be 'impartial' even though I'm the author but it seems to me, that Aaron falling in love with Ben - or at least convincing himself that he has - isn't all that surprising. Aaron is shy and inexperienced around guys and suddenly this great looking guy that everyone wants is paying attention to him. What I personally would be more curious about is why Ben would 'fall in love' with Aaron? I hope there have been enough hints at his motivation to make it believable. They definitely among the range of reactions I wanted the reader to feel! Well, I can honestly promise that it is my intention to answer all of those questions in Worth A Shot Thanks so much Rafael! I'm really flattered and pleased that you liked the story and took the time to register and post such a wonderful and thoughtful comment! -Kevin

Good observation, Graeme! I disagree with this statement! What do you mean 'full-blooded life' instead of 'their own gay little word'? I have a few straight people in my life but the overwhelming majority are definitely GLBT. It seems perfectly normal, and definitely 'full-blooded' to me. I was quite surprised by the ending as well! It was a good story, Krista. It felt like you manged to capture nearly all of Dan's life in the span of one short story! Awesome job! The characters definitely were full and vibrant! Well done -Kevin

So I was just reading an anthology of essays about homophobia when I came across a very interesting argument that had been quoted from James B. Nelson: "The gay male is resented because he symbolizes the intimacy of men with men, which all men desire but few seem to have. So I punish in others both what I desire and what I also fear in myself. Thus, homophobia strikes most men because we feel in the depth of our own beings our desire for closeness to other men, emotionally and physically even if not genitally. So the resentment against gay males builds. And it builds in all of us regardless of our sexual orientation, for gays inevitably internalize homophobia in a homophobic society, and it becomes self-rejection." Ignore the bit about internalized homophobia. I'm so sick of hearing about it, and I find it to be utter nonsense for me and many other contemporary gay males. I think it's a largely out-dated concept. However, the rest of that paragraph seems very striking and resonating to me. The essay continued by arguing that not only are straight males jealous of gay males emotional intimacy with other males, but they're also jealous of their emotional intimacy with females. This too seemed to resonate with me. For me at least, one of the reasons I'm primarily interested in relationships (not specifically romantic/sexual but any type of relationship) with gay males or females is precisely because of emotional intimacy. I don't have much interest in forming friendships with people whom I won't be able to be emotionally intimate and by and large most straight males are unwilling or unable to be truly emotionally intimate with other males (some can't even do it with females. Some can do it with males but only family members or very long-term friends). I've had many satisfying friendships with straight males in the past, and I knew that they cared about me, but even then it always felt like something was missing. Like we just couldn't take our emotional intimacy to the next level, at least not consistently and not without special circumstances. Then lo and behold, as I grow up I start forming more and more friendships with gay males and find that most of them are just as good as females at being emotionally intimate and physically, but non-sexually, affectionate. I can hug my gay male friends, touch them affectionately, talk about my feelings, listen to theirs, it's great; it's what a friendship should be IMO. Looking back, I realize that all my close friendships with straight males were with guys that were more emotionally open or who that for whatever reason were able to be more open with me at least. Anyway, obviously I'm not saying that all straight males are incapable of being emotionally intimate or that all gay males and females are capable, but I think that's a fairly accurate generalization. Really, I pity you poor straight females, I'd hate to have to try to consistently figure out a way to be intimate with a straight guy! Anyway, thoughts on this? -Kevin

Hey Jaci! Welcome to the forum WOW! According to your location we're neighbours! Very beautiful picture indeed Take care and have an awesome day, Kevin

I liked the concept of the marriage being 'revenge'...I mean it's a crummy thing, but it was an interesting concept. All around a fascinating story!

Good story. I was surprised by how pleasant George was. Very often people in the last stages of dementia can get quite volatile as their frustration and feelings of helplessness increase. Of course it isn't universal and it definitely makes George easier to deal with for his family. Anyway, interesting story -Kevin

Thanks Richard I appreciate the comments! *sigh* Yes, that interlude seems about as popular Tobasco sauce at an ice cream party Oh well, live and learn. Thanks for the feedback! Thank you very much, John! Sorry to leave ya hanging, lol. I'm looking forward to starting to release the next story. Unfortunately things are a bit hectic right now and I don't think I can for a couple more weeks at least. I hope everyone can hang on Take care and have an awesome day! Kevin