Ron

What an interesting set up to the story the prologue and this chapter is, Graeme. They have captured my attention very well.

It is a fine chapter, if awful in its content. I think that I speak for many when I say that we have been waiting to learn of these events. You certainly do not disappoint in this deeply sad chapter and the tale continues to move forward just as it looks back. Thank you, Fitz for this moving moment in the lives of these characters.

No disrespect to the individual, I didn't like country even though I had to listen to this stuff when I was a kid. It didn't stick and I can't stomach it as an adult.

I understand your feelings and I am sorry for your loss.

It seems that he is destined for a rehabilitation center and not just for a little while. Psychologist and the authorities are slowly coming around to the fact that it is easier to change the mindset of young offenders than it is for adults. The young brain is wired differently and can be influenced more readily to appropriate behavior. Why do you think that organized religion and militias around the world try to indoctrinate at early an age and keep control until adulthood? By adulthood it is set and difficult for the mind to break free of. That goes for both behavior and the thinking process. It's also why parents, even the crappy ones, have so much sway long after children leave the nest. So why not attempt, with restrictions and consequences of failure in place, to rehabilitate? Frankly, I am surprised that the response is to assume that it will happen again with mostly anecdotal evidence and no real knowledge of this young man's life or thought processes to support your conclusion, Kitt. People do change. Especially the young.

Spooky and I want a cookie!

The poem and opening paragraph set the tone and direction well for the rest of the story. The description of the protagonist, Brian Cole's behavior was interesting and thought provoking. The mention of the anthology theme in the story was redundant, and its use perhaps ill considered. Brian's gambling addiction horrifyingly and all too clearly emphasized the theme well enough. For such a short story, to use the ruse of repeating the first refrains of the story at the end should not have worked, in this case it did. Nicely done.

Excellent and horrifying. The emotional apathy of the para-human, Poll is captured beautifully in the opening chapters and just as artfully is his tech empathy abilities explained. The relationship between him and his owner, Anthony is amazingly well thought out. Introducing the brother, Costa into the story as part of the aftermath from the attack was deftly done, providing another vehicle to weave in information to further the tale, and open the idea that, Poll is a being with feelings after all. While this story touches on both historical and past science fiction ideas, those very same ideas strike as original in their use here. Something to be proud of. The story reads remarkably well in its entirety. The ending is altogether imaginable. Well done!

Prison is not the be all - end all answer to every crime every time, perhaps even this one. Maybe a monitored probation and rehab is better than the choice of prison for this young man. It is unfair to judge the judge on a single word definition used by a psychologist as there is more to it than that. The prosecutor's blanket statement 'that being cushioned by the parents wealth would produce another tragedy' doesn't ring as always true. In fact the lead defence attorney suggested that it was likely he would have been out of prison in two years but this way 'he is under the thumb of the justice system for the next ten years'. In other words - he screws up, he goes to prison. I am not saying that it is an option every time but it could be the right one this time. I am not so hasty to judge.

The story was dreary and had a generic feel to it. Most of the characters were unlikable. The main characters were flat and the attempts to make them real were not convincing. There were elements that could have made this interesting in a humorous way but it ended up being an awkward read instead. The dinner party was all over the place. The clandestine behavior of dinner guest away from the table would have been better served had it been noted as odd behavior during dinner. Instead it was tacked on, in its entirety, as if after dinner gossip in the kitchen (before the guest left) and lost impact. The ending felt contrived but the nephew and girlfriend, who offered the only real sincerity in the story, saved the ending. And not because they had money, but because they felt genuine.

This is a very professional example of the short story. It reads nearly flawlessly. The ease with which the different characters are brought in and out of the story is exemplary. Dialogue is easily assignable, free and natural amongst the differing individuals. Humor is doled out as befits the situation; again naturally and not forced. What with the nature of the subject matter, it would be so easy to go overboard on the emotion though the dramatic scenes never feel overblown. This seems, as mentioned below, to be a deliberate choice and one that I applaud. The ending left room for possibilities and I found it to be most agreeable. I expect great things from you.

Oh, you manipulator you. It's now amusing how many folks were up in arms in defense against Jesse being pulled away. You quash that and bring back the intrigue from Spin's attack and an unknown half brother with cancer. A fine example of bait and switch and a lesson on upping the ante. Another fine chapter, Andrew.

It was cute. There was a lot of action but not much depth and the story was full of ideas that didn't seem very well thought out. With more work, it might turn out to be a fine story for young adults. As is, it is enough to loosely hold my attention but not much more than that.

I see. Even the various author banners do that. It's something that I never noticed before as I've never had a reason to click or touch on them. Thanks for the explanation, Renee.

I would have thought that the anthology banner on each story page would have linked back to this announcement page rather than the home page. What is the reasoning behind that?

Brilliant writing. I know, I used the word brilliant to describe, in a review comment, your first chapter in this anthology story line. This time it is no less appropriate; perhaps even more applicable this chapter. The connection between the siblings is compellingly believable. Your first paragraphs set the background and tone for the kitchen conversation remarkably well. The kitchen conversation… Well, it was stunningly well conceived. There is a considerable amount of dialogue used in these latter paragraphs, and while in many circumstance that might be ill considered, it is not in this case. Your use of dialogue, and shorter actively descriptive passages, conveying Paul’s anguish and Maya’s empathy, and their inner thought processes, was convincing. Bravo.

A splendid story and one that I enjoyed very much. It definitely had that out in the middle of nowhere feel. You did well to keep the action and descriptions outside of the main town to emphasize this and make it believable. I also like that there were just enough hints at what Blake an Axel looked like physically and to still leave room for me to fill in the blanks with my own imagination. Your dialogue was natural, there when it was needed and then out of the way for the story. There is no need to have been in love with a best friend to recognize the futility of falling for someone who isn't going to return the emotion. Even when in the midst of it, you just know that it isn't going to end well and you captured the emotional sense of that superbly. Ending the story with potential was the best possible outcome. Truly, I wanted to go on and read a chapter two.

I have been following your posts about this, Jeremy. The loss of a friend, no matter great or small, is significant. It changes you. You have my sympathy.

Twelve new stories to read. That ought to cover the holidays. Though if I start at the top, it may take a while to get down to you Bill.

As concerns the POV switch - This is not bothersome in the least. In fact, you could get by with writing Jacob or Josh and leave off the POV, simpler and gets the point across nicely. If you look at Myiege's current story, you will see that she named each chapter after the individual she was showcasing and it works. It would work for you as a point of view denotation as well. It would also allow you to note things outside of the pov without having one or the other need to make a direct observation; more room to maneuver. Ethan is cute but the whole alpha comment. Jeez kid, ever hear of a thing called genetics? So, crushing on your twin is narcissism? -> (Duuude that would be like masturbation). Too funny! The whole trading places thing has been done to death. I look forward to your creativeness to make it different and exciting for your readers, Sammy. Nice chapter!

Kyle did a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Does he know that he has supporters on the web? Lol Seriously though, the school doesn't have any anti-bullying programs, at all? If not, then threat of lawyers may be needed to start a fire under their asses.

Canada could also recoup some money by charging a rental on the Central Mailboxes just as for post office boxes. You don't pay rent, you don't get any mail. I know that Singapore does not deliver on Saturday already and it doesn't seem to bother anyone. I wouldn't be upset if the US did something like this but if I remember correctly, there was a big outcry when it was bandied about that the Saturday delivery might be done away with. A lot of elderly folks were up in arms over it, particularly because of mailed medications, and I can certainly understand the fear of missed medications for those that get them that way. It would put many out of work nonetheless and I suspect that the pensions of mail workers are underfunded so I'm not sure how much that would be affected without new revenue. Perhaps savings from losses could go into to pensions until fully funded. I get and pay no bills through the mail, everything I do is electronic. And for crying out loud, Christmas cards, birthday cards and their ilk; if you don't send or get them, you won't have to send or get them. But we all know what the greeting card lobbyists will do. <-- satire as far as I know. Are there card lobbyist?

Tricky. You. I didn't catch that screwed up address either. I thought maybe the mail account had been deleted. Hard to know sometimes just when it is that it's best to let go. I like this chapter.

I agree. I thought of this as well. If it is in fact real and I am not entirely convinced that it is, he could be in for additional harm.

I hope you mean 'Ha Ha Funny'. Then again it's sort of 'funny' the other way as well.