JeffreyL

I loved the Ferris wheel moment, and I wonder what happened in the Ferris wheel car after the chapter ended. 😜

Another good chapter, and I continue to be amazed at Chris's parents! I guess they did take a long look at themselves and decided some changes were in order for them too. I am pleased they are being so supportive of Chris. Can't wait to sit in on the conversation between Chris and Rory.

This was so sweet, so realistic, and so intimate, I almost felt like I was eavesdropping and should stop listening. But, of course, I read the whole thing and loved it! Your writing was amazing! You brilliantly captured an intimate moment (and conversation) between these two men. Bravo and thank you! And feel free to share another moment between Maurice and David, if/when the spirit moves you.

I think "rings true" is an appropriate statement. As I tried to say in my comment, it is one of your writing gifts. You always seem to make it part of the story, not just a tag on.

You have written your usual good chapter with CJ, his squad, and family. I am always impressed the way you weave commentary on current topics into your story. CJ is on a trip with friends and we get commentary on racial profiling. CJ gets harassing tweets, his dad insists on getting him a pistol, and we have a continuation of the discussion on handgun control. I appreciate the food for thought. Thanks. Jeff

We learn some more about both boys in this chapter. Seeing Teddy's family help to understand why he's so outgoing. And you gave us another peek at the mysterious Ryder. Still a lot to learn about him, but it is nice to see him open up a bit with Teddy.

Out of the frying pan, into the fire! Can't wait to see how Alek's dad reacts. Gotta repeat what I've said before: love these guys, love this story! Thanks. Jeff

You've given us an interesting twist! And one of the commenters from the last chapter picked up on it. I missed it completely. The gay part didn't surprise me. The new character maybe a little. I was presuming Chris would end up with Kyle. Nice misdirection! I wonder if the Enforcer will be a roadblock in the guys getting together. Thanks. Jeff

This is beautiful in its simplicity. Well done! And don't sell yourself short. The only way to become proficient in any skill is to practice. A four line poem is called a quatrain. There are different rhyming patterns: AABB, ABAB, ABBA, AAAA. Yours, I believe, is written ABCB. Lines two and four rhyme. Lines one and three don't rhyme with each other or with two and four. I've also seen it written XAXA. Often quatrains are put together to make longer poems. Keep up the good work! Jeff

Gotta find out more about Ryder's background and why his music is so emotional it is almost scary.

Teddy's parents seem really supportive. If is good to see Teddy and Ryder become More relaxed with each other. Thanks.

I like what I see of Teddy in this chapter, and I still really like Ryder! You showed us a peek into Ryder's life, but not enough. I still have questions. I won't be bingeing after all. I decided to take it a little slower and enjoy your story. Thanks. Jeff

For me the jury is still out on Teddy and his friends. It's been a loooooong time since I was a teen, but to me your writing captures what it is like. I really like Ryder! There is some mystery, and several questions I hope you will answer as the story goes along. Thanks. Jeff

Just found this story and enjoyed chapter one. I'm a little behind so I'll binge a bit to catch up.

Alpha Jennings is pretty perceptive to allow Chris's parents to visit. I think it was another step forward in Chris's recovery. It might be to everyone's benefit if Chris's parents decide to move to Oregon. It would be a fresh start for the whole family. I grew up in Washington State and live about an hour from Mount Hood. I have only visited the east coast a few brief times, but the forests here are different. I especially enjoyed reading that part. More thanks for this really good story!

I am a mythology fan, and your title caught my eye. I enjoyed chapter one. It will be interesting to see a god that has to work at it to get some loving instead of just using a bit of power. I look forward to reading more. Thanks. Jeff

I am not a horse person, but I definitely felt your pleasure in anticipating a ride. I agree with the others that you've done a beautiful job! I debated about my next comment, but old teachers never die. A Tanka has five lines, with lines one and three having five syllables. The other lines have seven. After years of teaching (including a unit on haiku) I am a little embarrassed to admit I read first for pleasure; then I count syllables. In line two oiled is one syllable, making your line six syllables instead of seven. An easy solution would be to change waits to awaits. I debated posting this. Please take it as constructive criticism. Your poem was beautifully written. Jeff

I reread "The Watcher" before reading this. I was reminded how much I enjoyed that story, and how much I enjoyed Maurice and David in the little time we had. This continuation could stand alone. You conveyed their personalities, their meeting, and their past relations in a few well chosen words. However it made it even more enjoyable to read both stories back-to-back! Thanks for letting me get reacquainted with these guys. No tears this time, but still most enjoyable! Jeff

Maybe John is the right blonde, but you're still being a bit coy. You have yet to clearly identify the characters in the opening segment. So although there is Wes and a blonde, we don't know if the blonde is John. I know, be patient and keep reading. I will. Thanks. Jeff

It was good to read more about Kris's family and former boyfriends. This kind of chapter helps me get to know the characters better. It also makes them seem more real and three-dimensional, even if they are based on real people. Thanks. Jeff ..

How interesting to see the events of the Parker Valley Pack from a different point of view than the first story. I hope knowing about Michael's death will help Chris put things in perspective and move forward. He is fortunate to have the support of his new friends. Thanks. Jeff

It is interesting how much Declan is starting to notice about his team members and about Bailey. This must be the Declan his roommates and friends knew before Chris got him caught up in all the football b.s. I am happy to see Bailey loosen up a bit. I hope Declan can bring him out of the solitary life he's put himself in. I'm guessing he may be able to help Bailey get over his cutting. At least I hope so. I am really liking the way you're unravelling this story. Love these characters; even Chris and company are believable "bad guys." Thanks. Jeff

It's Friday, and I just finished having breakfast with CJ and company! Always an enjoyable way to start the day. It is getting hard to think of new ways to say "your story is terrific, and you are a talented writer." Maybe I need to make a list of superlatives, work from top to bottom (one per comment), and repeat. 😜 Oh, and Rolodex? You are definitely dating yourself. Do people still use them in this age of contact lists? Liked the pillow talk between CJ and Owen (Cesar and Brett passing the torch?), the table talk between the family (Ritchie had the best lines), Thiago's new girlfriend, and especially CJ asking Thiago to put Patrict in touch with the priest that helped him. You always leave me with something to think about, and I appreciate that. Thanks. Jeff

This is my third time reading "The Secret Santa Game," and I want to repeat what a great short story this is! Would it be fun to have this expanded? Yes it would. Your characters are very appealing. However the ability to write a good short story is a talent that shouldn't be dismissed. To have well-rounded characters, good dialogue, and a well crafted plot with fewer words, not more, is hard work. Thanks for succeeding so well. Jeff

Not quite a year ago I finished reading this story. I was gobsmacked by the cliffhanger at the time and didn't comment on the rest, although it looks like I lost some (most?) of my comment. Well the pleasure of reading your writing was just as great the second time around! Even if I knew most of what was going to happen. Your characters, dialogue, descriptions, and the little details you sprinkle throughout a chapter are all terrific! Your characters are well-rounded and never cookie cutter (football players that are smart, caring, and tolerant? 😜). Even the supporting players are well written (the cleaning lady that sneaks Preston into Indy's office for one). As has been mentioned in several comments, your dialogue sounds real, each character has their own voice, and your ability to write a group conversation that your readers can follow is amazing! A perfect example of your writing ability: I fell in love with Indy's mom in a dozen or so paragraphs and some touching dialogue. You captured her love and concern for her child perfectly, and gave readers a look at Indy from a different point-of-view. Thank you for your wonderful writing and this better than good story! Jeff