W_L

Happy Birthday, 23 is a nice mileston, you can rent a car now in my state, hehe!

Hey love can be found in unexpected places. If you see the kid again, send me his phone number........quietly *(Makes sure my BF doesn't know!)

Good to hear life is improving!

Reminds me of the Song from the Fray "How to save a life" It might be hard, but he most likely does care about you and feel somehow you can be there for him. Being alone in the world is hard. Talk with him, not to him, truthfully: no holding back, no restraint, and no fear. Get an idea what's really bugging him and make sure he knows that you have issues too. Hiding behind fear of the unknown is dangerous, lashing out unexpected to a mentally unstable person is much more dangerous to both of you. Before you get to that level of issues, try to to resolve it with honesty. Good luck on college, I got in full of AP Credits making me a Sophomore at entrance in my 1st year. It's cool, but you have to deal with a lot of guys who are older than you and you have a lot to prove to be their peer.

A happy blog caught my eye and it turns out to be yours Ash, congratulation on the new place. $550/month, is it rent controlled cuz that is really cheap. Two bedrooms is a big deal as well; all in all a nice break for a nice guy.

A child's smile warms the weary soul. I think you'd make a good daddy one day.

Well, Long story short, my holiday break from GA was extended up to February due to Chinese New Years and cold in the middle of January. I have missed you guys immensely . News from me: -Still unemployed, now along with 3 million other happy souls, hurray!!! -Still going to grad school, had to reduce courseload due to money conservation, but I will finish this year even under a tight budget. -Dating again, Staunch liberal democrat and MIT computer undergrad. I don't know why, but I kind of understand him on so many levels. I am really happy to have found a nice guy and hope it might last; he is trying to get me to change my evil conservative ways. I ain't whipped yet, but those cute puppy dog eyes are getting to me. Other than that; it's the same old, same old.

I thought this movie would be a good thing to discuss over here instead of politics forum. I looked at the previews for Prayers for Bobby and I felt very strongly and didn't know if I wanted to watch it. The story is set in the 1970's about a gay kid, who has been raised to reject his homosexuality in his ultra-religious conservative family. He ended up committing suicide due to his mother's assertion that she did not want a gay son. I have read comments about this movie and it kind of makes me cry just to think about Bobby's situation. I know some of you guys are in similar conditions trapped with family members who do not understand or tolerate your sexuality, too. I realized that the world of the 1970's are still prevalent today; even with all the support, gay teenagers commit suicide at an alarming larger rate than their straight counterparts.

Beautiful and honest, just a little is enough to alter one person's life.

Merry Late Christmas, Happy Holidays! And if I forget later, Happy New Years!!!

Our little boy is growing up!!! LOL! Happy Birthday, my friend.

Ah, anti-sodomy German law. The precursor to the evil Paragraph 175 of 1871. I hope you will introduce that law and the English law in your story as well as it progresses toward that era. Actually, the Napoleonic code enforced in 1813-1871 was open to homosexuality as long as it was not rape. I hope you remember that as well, when you write your historical fiction. It is kind of like our current issues with gay rights in the US, and you can draw parallels with acceptance under certain nations versus others in the Holy Roman Empire and how different states in the US has also have such problems.

I think I might have been thinking of Louis XIII and his favorites; although, during the early Enlightenment era of Europe in the 17th-18th century, bi-sexual monarchs are not so rare. The cross dressing fad also made things slightly less define in many ways. Remember one other truth about the 16-18th centuries mores, if you were the top, then you would not be the sinner, especially if you held power as a noble. Active f**king versus passive acceptance separated a minor offense and a deep sin. Among all the possible homosexuals, Fredrick the Great may have been one of the most tragic figures of the early 18th century due to this fact. (Imagine if your boyfriend was decapitated in front of your eyes by your dad; his legacy is tragic. The evidence for his sexuality is supposition and not completely founded in facts, but I'd like to believe that if it were true, he is one of the saddest gay kings in history.)

1815 French history, the era of temporary peace after the fall of the first French Empire. Interesting subject, I'd love to read it. I have always been a Hugo fan as well; melodramatic and romantic era in french history, where government was toppled continuously. The new Marxist and variant socialist worker parties fighting for control of the government; truly this was an age of chaos. Mark do you remember how many young male consorts Louis XIV supposedly had at court? (Gay history and french history are subjects for both scholarship and great epic fiction, if done right.) While I love the chaos of 19th century France, my favorite has to be "le grand siecle" (the great century) or 17th century french history. Back to the point of inflation, there are somethings you might need to adjust beyond inflation. During the period you are writing Dolores, there was a sharp increase in the french currency inflation. This was a shock from war reparations and severe population depletion affecting the french economy. This economic slump was on and off throughout the 19th century causing economic turmoil as the french economy tried to adjust. When you include prices try to create sharp increases from time to time like 20-30% inflation on the price of bread. Also, rioting never completely stopped and mobs formed on and off in the major cities due inflation. You will have lots of fertile ground.

By the way, plot alert: I noticed this on my second read.

Let's see: I am still not employed yet; most likely I will do part-time work during tax season, if I do not find a good company to work for. Lucky for me, this year's taxes will leave a lot of people asking questions and I can pretty much show them a way through the economic downturn. Not high paying work as I could on the corporate side, but I got to make a living, hehe! I am still lonely, which most likely will not change anytime soon. Am I too picky in the men I like? No, but I do prefer an amount of emotional connection and understanding. I can deal with drama very well, but I prefer complete honesty and someone that understands the idea of compromise in a relationship. To be a good lover; sometime you can't have thing your way, you got give him some room to grow into his own person and he must do the same for you. I understand the problem with relationship is sometimes too much of one side or another. Let's hope my true partner exists in this vast world. *On a side note, I kind of fallen for a Scottish/Australian guy, who I met at a Political event hosted by the Republican Party (strange place to find hot guys, I know). I doubt that there is any true quality of connection on his end toward me, but I kind of felt something. He is basically a European styled conservative, which for me works wonders and I love his insights, along with his accent, since he lived in for a few years Australia and was born in Scotland. I know it is foolish and lackluster to fall for a guy at first sight in this day and age. I barely know him and most likely he is not even gay, so there is no point in looking too much at it. Unlike some of the stories around, love does not come in unexpected places like a republican party event. Well that's my short entry.

Actually, there has been a few conspiracy theories about tsunamis or earthquakes and nuclear testing links. I wonder if our friendly Goat will apply 1+1 together for fiendish plot of revenge. I am starting to like the strong women characters in your stories more than the gay characters right now; CJ is turning me straight, hehe! Honestly, Felicia and the General would make an interesting dynamic duo.

I love the goat so much for his love of cliffs!!! I agree with the Felicia assessment, I like my women slightly butch and aggressive, hehe! By the way, Eric is coming along nicely; he just needs a little patience and love to blossom. Can't wait to see the next chapter CJ.

Sorry to here about the misery in school Shadey; it sucks, but glad to know you are soldiering on. Giv'em Hell!

"Marriage is defined as a union between One Man and One Woman" Well, I have an interesting concept, how do you define man and woman? If you apply sexual organs, then what if the guy lost his balls due to an accident? What if the woman is infertile due to a genetic condition? Would they still be denied the right to marry base on this law? Get the lawyers on the case and we can have some fun if the proponents try to argue against a woman, who has lost her ability to reproduce, from marrying due to the definition of this law. So, sexual organs cannot work. Then, why don't we apply a hormonal expression defining man and woman? If that is done, we basically have won the battle. There are trace amounts of Estrogen and Testosterone in both men and women, which varies to degrees on their organic chemistry. If we apply this principle, there is no way to define "a man and woman" without excluding a good proportion of heterosexuals from marriage as well. Anyone think my crazy idea has merit and any lawyers out there want to try this out? We can play a game of legal definitions to make the proposition impossible to uphold due to defining elements within the framework of human sexual identity.

Today, I went in for another interview at another regional accounting firm. They were a nice firm and pretty decent decor. I got to talk to the managing partner, aka. the Boss of the local office. I can tell you the guy had a worn out look in his face; slightly old and a bit battered. He had been at the firm after the Arthur Andersen collapsed. He was a decent guy and a really nice human being. We went through the stages and talked about my work experience as an intern and my specialties. Then, we got into my personal details: For anyone who did not know, I was formerly a College Vice Chair of the Republican Party and District Coordinator, never understood what I did in the latter aspect except say "hi", check people off lists, then go to meetings. We talked about policies and I was surprised by some of his frankness; we both thought Palin was a really bad choice for VP and there were a lot of problems. I didn't bring up the gay topic, because (a) Business people usually do not want to hear who you are sleeping with and (b.) Most upper management are pretty conservative. Somehow during our back and forth, we went into the topic and I got an interesting surprise. He said that he thought, "The party highest principle should be to let people do whatever they want" and he was very open about the entire gay issues that the Republicans have pushed due to religious influence. I did not come out to him, but it was truly good to know some one else felt the same way. However, he did vote for McCain, but it was mainly due to foreign policy and a hope of better fiscal policy in the future. I feel good to know there are people like that around, and sad since you never hear about people like him. He showed me pictures of his kids and told me about his experience and what being a good accountant and consultant should be. I may not choose his firm or his firm may not choose me, but I felt a bit better in my heart. Other stuff: I got into another fight with a friend over prop 8 stuff; he called me a "know it all guy" after I told him the Democrats are moving toward the Religious conservatives even more and it is likely with the recent defeats of Gay Rights' they will not be so quick to support us. It has only been a little more than an hour, but I searched my soul and I think he is right. I have an IQ of 147 and I really do act it out sometimes. I know a lot of different things from different disciplines and I still want to learn and acquire even more information, but there is a point that I got to realize a certain truth, I can't know everything. I hate being smart and I hate being active in that type of intelligence, damn it. I wish I could be one of those smart silent asian guys, but I am not. I might try to make myself out to be shy and demure in real life, but in reality, I like being an aggressive Top. I seriously can't hide my nature and desire in that regard like I tried my sexuality as a teenager. I have a complicated moral compass and a complicated code of honor. I will fight you for causes that I believe in, but I am willing to change and acknowledge that I was wrong if it comes to it. I don't like absolute in anything and maybe that is something people really don't understand about me most. What I mean by absolutes is ideals that you hold for me one day will not be the same for me tomorrow. It does not mean I am bipolar, but I develop my personal ideals as time goes by. I still retain somethings in my heart like sentimentalism, which is my greatest weakness. I attach honor and emotional strengths in principles, but I am in a constant state of fighting those same principles that I put such emphasis on. I have internal debates like the one I had after the "Know it all" statement. That's another one of my many coping mechanism that I learned to adjust. As a teenager, I did many things I am not proud of in order to shield my sexuality; I hated myself and had my own personal demons from that period still within. I know that part of me is still alive and he is not going to be destroyed. I must live with him and live with the pain I caused others and the irreparable damage I did. I used my adjustment mechanisms first to reason out why my parents divorced and I accepted part of the reason was my disability, which my mother actually said during a drunken state to my face. I fought portions of my disabled tag from elementary school and up. I never let the kids on the bus that tease me cause me to falter in front of them. I fought my own weaknesses in vision with only one operational eye and survived. I reasoned my problems and achieved greater sucess as I went. I developed it in my teenage years to use reason to get through the tough times. I have gone through many emotional tragedies, but I cannot allow them to break me. Yet, I succomb to fear from being gay for so long as a teenager and I only come to realize that it was wrong. That's alot of psycho-analysis for people to write a doctoral dissertation. So these little mechanism help me adjust and make sure I keep my focus. I have many character flaws and many problems, but everyone does. The only difference is I am willing to admit it to myself first and foremost. It might take me time, but I try to change everyday and improve. So that is my rant for today ------------------------------------ P.S: I got a sinus Cold earlier in the day, so it was quite a sight with me having a runny nose and itchy eyes. Since, I have a variant of glaucoma it puffs my eyes a bit more than usual inflaming them red and pretty scary with veins.

Seriously, there are a million things racing through my head. Should I be compelled to warn people again and again to a future that I have predicted in far too scary formation and accuracy? Then these blog entries are psychic readings and maybe I should charge rates higher than Ms. Cleo with her crystal ball. I predicted a split of the Republican Party with elements re-aligning in favor of Democrats 6 months ago. I predicted that black voters will most likely not help and possibly hurt gay rights by and large in California, which polls not only from CNN, but LA Times have now proven me sorrowfully right (Do a check on all the polls and tell me one that did not show black voters overwhelming support prop 8, because I want to believe that black voters were not so heartless). Should I talk about Economic issues? The Stock Market fell 400 points in Dow Industrial on Wednesday, which analyst do not understand a reasoning for. I would call it a anticipation correction; rising close to 900 points a week ago was a miracle and it really should have been taken in stride. Moderate Rises and falls of 100-200 points are good and healthy for a recession economy. Popular desire to see an ever growing stock market is a bit foolish and naive to the least; you must have corrections along the way to counter attack too much steam from overheating. By the way, estimates on holiday shopping is looking pretty bleak; even for online and high end retailers. The consensus is a large decline in the coming months and possible less hirings during the usual busy holiday season. I hope it is proven wrong, but people are buying less and there is less credit to buy new stuff today. It is not a fun thing to know that more people are not going to get jobs and more people are projected to get fired. I have friends in the big firms, who told me two words that should scare the professionals: "Hiring Freeze" and "Corporate Reorganization". Basically, it means that we are not going to hire anyone new, so "College grads are out of luck unless you got a great connection", and we are firing people, "sorry kid but your a first year and the other guys have more experience". Pretty sad news to pick up. Should I talk about my beliefs? Hmmm.....I am an odd guy. Gay of course, but I still believe in certain areas that make me Christian. Actually, I doubt any church shares my beliefs in faith and God. I know most people don't believe or choose not to due to either hatred for religious Conservatives or the simple fact that God seems like make believe. I choose an applied belief with a different idea that the Bible is not the sole source of God's words. I also counter the belief in absolute principes in religion, which has been a fundamental ideal in religious dogma for over three thousand years. I see religion and spiritual growth as something to strive for. You should seek some way to find peace both externally and internally; even if it means there are times that you must fight. I try never to start a fight unless there is a great need for one, but I will not stay away from one. I don't turn the other cheek or allow the universe to unfold in absence as ascribed by certain Buddhist principles (Yup, I studied a little Buddhism, too). So basically, it makes me a really huge Heretic against many of the world religions, since I mix and use certain philosophies that seem to work better without others. It could also make me a revolutionary depending on who writes the history books in a hundred years. Anything else, let's see, I like animals: I have dog named lucky, used to work with feed and clean cats when neighbors were on vacation, and had four other pets that my mother cooked (Very long and traumatic story involving my pet rabbit and turtles). For the guys looking for a boyfriend, I like reading, writing, debating politics and policy, video games mostly strategy, cooking, TV and pop culture (have an encyclopedic knowledge of certain obscure tv shows and very well verse in Star Trek, sorry!), camping if i have the time, skiing if it is possible again time, and anything fun. Yup I am high maitenance. So that is all for today.

I love the ending, but there is so much more. I am making a bet here: Other than that it was a good moderate cliffhanger, but there is so much more. Everyone was in character and the foreshadowing is both ominous and evil.

Aww....I thought we would get to dine on goat! :P

There is still so much of the story left; I do not think Eric can live up to the promise of "no Tequila". I think we are starting to see a lot of character movement; Eric's closet is opened slightly. The additional ominous symbol at the end of the wedding adds more for Eric in the next few chapters than he bargained for. By the way, I am getting a different outlook from Eric's Tequila use; each time he drinks Tequila, it might appear to be bad to everyone involved, but it turns out to be a great positive in the future. Eric's Tequila drinking helped form Instinct, foil Scar on more than one occasion, and it helped Brandon and Chase now deal with their silent problem. Perhaps, tequila is actually the catalyst for a great deal of good and I will go one step forward by saying that Tequila is the unsung hero of LMTP and maybe changing lanes as it is now.