Former Member

I get the feeling hospitals would prefer no visitors and allowing family in is the compromise! ;–)

I’m glad this isn’t one of those stories! ;–)

It’s actually the fight/flight/freeze response. I react to stress and panic by freezing. My ex couldn’t understand why I wasn’t running around in circles like he would when I was going to be evicted from my apartment. Instead I shutdown. I slept a lot and didn’t get anything done until the very last minute. Because others cannot see you doing anything, they think you’re not panicking. You mentioned that you live in a homophobic place. I don’t know that reporting the assault to the police is necessarily the right thing for you to do and it sounds like you didn’t report it. There are times when it might be the ‘right thing to do,’ but not necessarily the smart thing. Do what feels right to you. I’m sorry that none of us is able to be physically there to offer reassurance and comfort. I missed seeing your Comments over the past several years and this helps to explain what happened to you.

When I was homeless, I was prescribed several different antidepressants, and they never seemed to have any effect on me. After I was housed, I began to wonder if they had any effect at all. I decided, consulting with my psychiatrist, that I needed to find out what my baseline was and quit the meds. My therapist and psychiatrist agreed that I was doing better without the meds. My situation is different from yours, but I did get my psychiatrists to experiment with different medications and combinations over a four year period. Maybe you should ask about different meds…

We are not usually in agreement politically, but I agree that we have to stand up for our rights or they’ll be taken away by a majority that generally doesn’t pay much attention to any minorities. ;–) I’ve mentioned this elsewhere, but I think it’s important to repeat. In the Bay Area in the ‘90s, the city of Concord passed Domestic Partnership Registration and angered residents who organized a successful recall of several Councilmembers. A bunch of entitled Gay men were outraged and wanted to boycott Concord because the replacement Councilmembers rescinded the legislation. I pointed out that the legislation had to be passed in order for it to be rescinded. Unlike SF, Oakland, and Berkeley, Concord was not known as being an unusually Progressive city and was more like its neighbors in the suburbs. None of the other suburban towns ever considered similar legislation and it was unfair to single out Concord for having made the attempt even if it was eventually unsuccessful. There are times when it’s counter-productive to make a fuss. It takes wisdom and experience to know when to fight and when to retreat strategically. Todays fights are to defeat the Sincerely Held Belief argument that allows religious bigots to violate the laws. They only want those laws to protect their form of bigotry. Just look what happens when one of their politicians is jeered in a restaurant! ;–)

Please excuse my ignorance since I’m not an author, but is it possible to post pdfs as chapters? The pdf format was designed to maintain the look of a page across platforms for things like sales brochures and instruction manuals. It would seem to be a great solution if the software GA uses will accept it…

I was also surprised that I remembered the characters, the situations, and their relationships after all this time. ;–) I think it’s a mistake for Ben to have dealt with Eric himself. He should have sent a lawyer to negotiate and get him to sign a legal agreement. As it is, Ben is relying on Eric to keep his word and I don’t think he’s even remotely trustworthy!

I was very surprised to see this pop up in my Notifications! ;–)

…said the man who created the homoerotic nearly naked Tarzan and John Carter characters. ;–)

So farm boys only do it doggie/cattle/sheep/piggie-style rather than the conservative-mandated missionary-style? ;–)

The sex ed I had back in the Seventies (In conservative San Diego) was very clinical and dry. It focused on the physical changes of puberty only. There were no images of exactly how heterosexual sex occurred, much less any other forms of sex (not even masturbation). There was little discussion of relationships or the emotional aspect of sex. There were many, scary pictures of sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis and gonorrhea – this was pre-AIDS, remember, so those were still considered to be curable with penicillin. This was still (sort of) the free love era so schools were trying to terrify kids to prevent us from joining our older peers in experimenting with sex. It worked with me and I’m still screwed up. But, unlike many of my more adventurous peers, I’m still alive. There are at least a couple generations of Gay men who are missing, my age and older, who were infected by HIV before anyone knew it existed or how it was transmitted. I then had to educate myself on HIV/AIDS through newspapers and magazines in the Eighties. I was fortunate to live here in the Bay Area where the SF Chronicle had the award-winning journalist, Randy Shilts, on its staff. And the local TV news stations were generally pretty good about reporting more actual facts with less hysteria than was typical of many other regions of the country.

I’m sure if Heath said something to the ex-military ogre, Aidan would have less paperwork to process and maybe even more creative input. Heath could demand that Aidan spend less time in the office away from the client (Heath). The company would want to keep their representative happy and everyone knows that people like Heath are egotistical and demanding! ;–)

There are parents in California who seem to think their innocent, naïve little babies have never heard of sex before and having a class to discuss the topic will suddenly open Pandora’s Box! One of the problems with having a large immigrant population (often with a higher reproduction rate than those who were born here in California) is that they’ve brought their less-openminded opinions with them from whatever part of the country or world they came from. They want to change California into the place they came from. They don’t seem to understand that the knowledge, learning, and innovation California is famous for starts in our public (K-12) schools. Keeping kids ignorant means they have all that much more to learn in college! I guess they think that all those video games the kids play are sex-free. Also sex-free are all the apps the kids use. And the kids won’t discover sexual attractions to their classmates until their parents give them permission. Just like their own parents! ;–)

Charles will probably help out, but ‘he has that new baby.’ Caleb is likely to be the one: ‘At the time he had been a gangly beanpole of a guy. Quiet, tall, and a good worker, he was always just a bit too serious for Wren, but he was a good boy.’ ‘…and Caleb tagged along whenever he could, a mostly-silent shadow, just happy to be with them.’ I think Wren will be shocked and surprised at Caleb’s transformation from ‘gangly beanpole’ into drool-worthy hunk! ;–)

Wikipedia lists a male Canadian coach. Florence and Kimberley were male names in the past. Robin and Brooke are among names that are ‘transitioning.’ ;–)

You know, I’ve been wondering about his name. Wren doesn’t sound like a very masculine name to me. I used to know a man named ‘Ren,’ but I don’t know what it was short for (he was a coworker of an old man named ‘Akira’ back in the ‘70s). Rachel doesn’t seem to be old enough to be a hippie, but I suppose it could just be a ‘quirky’ name like the ones who can see Russia from their kitchen window have. It’s interesting that Charles and Caleb are loyal enough to Rachel (or is it to Wren?) to help her out so much. I have to wonder how they can be profitable if Wren moves home to work on the farm. It would seem like they’d be even further in debt with another mouth to feed! Will Wren be able to build his eco-friendly dream home in Kentucky? ;–)

Not to excuse those of us who are over 50, but I’d have to think that part of that tactlessness is due to the changing attitudes towards cancer. In the past cancer was a horrible secret that wasn’t supposed to be discussed. Now that times have changed, older people don’t know where the lines are drawn and how best to approach the topic. Plus there are people who just can’t help putting their feet in their mouths. We’re all a bunch of Joe Bidens who, most of us anyway, don’t intend to offend, but do it out of habit or ignorance. I apologize for all the times I carelessly insulted anyone or unintentionally crossed boundaries. And I’m sorry in advance for the mistakes I’ll make in the future. (I’ll just point to this posting at the appropriate times.)

My parents used to watch Japanese historical dramas. They always had very loud cicadas as part of the background noise. I would much rather have silence than the incessant sound of insects like cicadas!

I’m wondering if you’ve talked to him about this. Fantasizing about sleeping with or dating someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’d actually do that if the opportunity arose. Your boyfriend is with you, not them. It doesn’t sound like he doing things to intentionally provoke you. Insecurity and low self-esteem are difficult to deal with. I struggle with them and have had many discussions with therapists about the topic. I wish I had the solution to the problem, but you just have to concentrate on the things you know you do well and try not to obsess on the things you think you don’t do as well at. Regardless of how your boyfriend reacts to the situation, working on your own insecurity is beneficial in the long run. The fact that you’re asking these questions is a good thing. It’s much better than bottling them up and reacting out of frustration later. Communication is vital if your relationship is going to last.

I think even more amazing than the medical technology that made this possible is the location where it happened! Omaha, Nebraska isn’t known for much other than Mutual of Omaha* and Berkshire Hathaway/Warren Buffett. It’s certainly not known as a center of cultural inclusiveness when compared with coastal metropolitan areas. Mannheim Steamroller was founded in Omaha. Christmas was never the same again. (Full disclosure, Mannheim Steamroller is one of five concerts I’ve been to, along with Elton John, Erasure, Mr Mister, and Hall & Oates.) ;–) * Famous to many of a certain age in the US because of their title sponsorship of Wild Kingdom, a TV nature show which featured Marlin Perkins safely ensconced in a studio and Jim Fowler off being filmed in dangerous situations in the field. ;–)

I think it’s stupid of Alex to ‘check the scores’ on a gambling app. He even realizes how dumb it is by reacting the way he does when Liz comes in his room. It’s the action of a guilty man. If it was as innocent as he tries to tell himself, he wouldn’t need to hide it. Even a non-sports fan like me knows there are plenty of other non-gambling-associated sites that post the scores. ;–) I realize Alex is young, but he’s setting himself up for a relapse of his gambling addiction. Avoiding temptation would seem to be the first step in kicking an addiction. It’d be like an alcoholic buying a commemorative bottle of alcohol – because he wanted to ‘remember the occasion’ or something! Will Alex ever learn?

There are utilities that will automatically back up your hard drive to another hard drive for you. All drives will eventually fail, even the electronic ones (SSD or flash drives). I remember one job where we had to back up our sales on a tape drive every night – the tapes would fail occasionally. ;–) You can tell I once worked in a computer store, right? So far I suggested an external monitor, a bluetooth keyboard, and now a back up utility! And I’m not even getting any commission on selling you anything… ;–)

I make my own tsukemono (Japanese pickles) using Napa cabbage. It’s also easy to make, it just takes a couple days. You cut up the cabbage, discarding the bottom and most of the core. Rinse and shake (or spin) dry the cabbage. Then you layer the cabbage and salt in a large bowl (the salt kills the bad bacteria). I add either a sliced lemon or lemon juice. Then you put a plate with a heavy weight over the cabbage (or use a specially designed press that uses a screw to compress cabbage). Taste a piece in two days. Refrigerate the tsukemono, it keeps for up to at least two weeks. Avoid if you are on a sodium-restricted diet.

I think this is part of why people used to bring over a casserole. It allows those overwhelmed by a stressful situation to not have to think about preparing a meal. It’s a way of showing you care without being too intrusive. ;–) I think people just don’t know any better. In most situations, a caring touch is a welcome gesture. I’m sure many are trying to show that they don’t think differently of you, but don’t realize how inappropriate it is in this case. I’m sure I’ve said and done many inappropriate things in the past. I unthinkingly mentioned to my favorite Aunt that her three older sisters had all suffered from severe memory problems at the end of their lives. I hadn’t thought through that she was the fourth sister. I think my family is used to me putting my foot in my mouth.

Even if all the homeless people in San Francisco magically were housed, San Francisco would still stink in the middle of summer. It has an ancient (for California) sewer system and you can smell the stench wafting up from the storm drains. Many of the sewers are lined with bricks and they’re so old that the bricks are starting to collapse in places. I love being close enough to The City to commute in everyday for the ten days of Frameline film festival every year. The Castro is just a BART and Muni Metro ride away. I just wish it didn’t take me 90–120 minutes each way. But the film festival is worth it to me. (I get a Castro Pass and camp out all day in the theater.) ;–) If cities and towns outside California took care of their needy, they wouldn’t be migrating here. A whole lot more funding needs to be allocated to drug and alcohol rehab. There aren’t enough spaces for those who want to quit their habits. Many states aren’t providing sufficient social services for their poor and people are forced to move elsewhere.