Man concerned about his health: If I give up men, drinking and partying all night, will I live longer?
Doctor: It will certainly seem longer.
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A man, a duck and a horse go into a bar.
The bartender says, "WTF is this? Get out of here you morons."
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One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night".
So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and the horse starts laughing his ass off and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.
The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.
So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.
The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".