Shades of Gray - 8. Chapter 8 It's like Deja vu all over again...

It was so quiet he could hear a pin drop. The only sounds he heard as he walked down the corridor were the echoing of his shoes against the tiled floor with each cautious step he took. And, the smell, he hated the smell. It smelled sterile giving him the sick feeling he remembered so vividly, it smelled like death to him.

The only memories he had of hospitals were never pleasant ones. They represented nothing positive to him; it was half filled with sick people waiting to die while the other half prayed they wouldn’t. The fact that it had a place dedicated to dead people didn’t sit well with him either. Morgues always had a way of creeping him out. He had to visit a few on some abuse cases he’d handled in the past and he hated it every time.

The closer he got to the ICU wing, the sicker he felt. He almost wished he’d taken Kaleb up on his offer. Not that the thought didn’t cross his mind, it was just that, a fleeting thought and he quickly dismissed it. It would have been selfish on his part, using Kaleb to comfort him, make him feel better by exposing him to all the negativity he would be experiencing. Death was the enemy. One that could break down the toughest of souls, bring ones to their knees, crying out in agony. Have people wondering… if god cares so much why does he allow us to suffer this way. Get us used to someone, love someone only to take him or her away from us in death.

In the past two weeks, Kaleb had been his sanctuary, his light on those dark days. Kaleb was his simplicity, the balance he’d been missing. He couldn’t do that to him... he couldn’t bring him here. He laughed humorlessly thinking how much like Helen he sounded.

He checked in at the nurse’s station, and was directed to his father’s room. The flight from Chicago to Indianapolis took just under an hour, but by the time the plane landed and he’d gotten his rental car it was well after 1:00am.

He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as he quietly pushed the door open. The beeping monitors attached to his father seemed so loud they were deafening. He swallowed the lump lodged deep in his throat as he made his way over to his bed. He tried to choke back the tears that threatened to fall as he looked at his father, laying there so helpless, so still… so frail.

Grant Montgomery had to be, in Chase’s mind one of the best fathers, husband, and providers, he had even known. He worked hard to take care of his wife and kids. A retiree of Allison Engine, now known as Rolls Royce, on one salary he managed to put two of his three children through college, Chase went on a scholarship. He was always larger than life, all two hundred and ten pounds of him, which was reduced now to ninety because of the cancer.

“Hey dad…” Chase whispered glancing around the room. He slid the chair that was by the window over to the bed and sat down, inhaling deeply as he took his father’s thin hand into his own. He chewed on his lower lip as he stared at his father’s features, tracing the contours of what he remembered. He pushed the salt and pepper gray hair off his forehead and sighed deeply. “This is it…” He thought to himself.

“I know you’re tired of fighting,” He said as if his father could hear him. “It’s okay.” He forced a sad smile as he tightened his grip. He watched his father laying there still, the only signs of life coming from the machine to his left as his mind started to drift.

Flashback…

“What’s wrong boy?” His father asked. He sat with his back against the wall, his knees pulled tightly to his chest.

“The kids at school were teasing me again.” He whispered without lifting his head.

“Umhumm…” His father nodded before sliding down on the wall to sit next to him. “You know, son. People are going to talk about you no matter what you do. No matter who you are, hell, they talked about Jesus.” He laughed as he wrapped his arms around his shoulder.

“I hate it when they call me names.” He lifted his head coming eye to eye with his father’s gaze.

“Son, if this is the life you are choosing. If this is who you are going to be, you better toughen up cause, son, being called names will be the least of your troubles.” His father advised him. “You’re going to be looked at differently, judged on a different scale, and expected to exceed all expectations.” He warned.

End of Flashback…

“You know dad, you were right, but then again you’ve always been right.” He sighed. “I took your advice and made a positive name for myself. If they’re calling me ‘faggot’ it’s behind my back as they are writing that check for my services.” He chuckled softly. He sat there quietly watching the monitors beeping as he rested his tired head on the side of the bed. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there holding his hand, but he must have dozed off because he was awakened to a firm hand on his shoulder and soft voice in his ear.

“Chase…”

“Umm…” He sat up rubbing his tired eyes. “Hey.” He greeted with a sad smile as he focused on a pair of eyes that mirrored his own, laced with worry. He sighed forcing himself from his chair pulling her into a tight hug.

“I’m glad you’re here.” She whispered in his ear as she fell into his embrace.

He released his hold and stepped back getting a better look at his sister. “You look tired…” He observed.

“I’m okay.”

“You don’t look okay.” He replied tilting his head slightly while trying to make eye contact. “Why didn’t you call sooner?” He asked. His voice was warm and non-accusing.

"There was really nothing you could do. Nothing had changed since you were here last month.” She smiled, using the back of her hand to push away the flyaway strands of hair from her eyes. She took a deep breath as she walked over to the bed.

"Any change?"

"None.” Chase answered faintly as he stepped up behind her. He placed a consoling hand on her shoulder as they both watched, feeling helpless. "Carter…have you called him?"

"Right after I talked to you. He can't get a flight out 'till in the morning."

"Hummm...” Chase nodded. "Where were you?"

"I went down to get some tea.” She said while trying to stifle a yawn. It was obvious she was not only physically but also mentally drained.

"Why don't you go home? Get some rest. I've got it from here.” He suggested before turning her around and pulling her into his arms. "You're tired, Elizabeth. Go home.” He sighed as she rested her head against his chest. She was usually Liz, unless he was serious, a bit obstinate even.

“I am tired.” She finally admitted. “I just don’t want to go and….” She let the statement hang. Chase nodded his understanding.

Elizabeth was the oldest of three the three children. She was the only one who still lived in Indiana with their father. Chase stayed in Chicago after he graduated from Law School and his brother Carter went overseas to play basketball. Though they kept in touch, more recently since their father had gotten sick, no one had seen Carter in over twelve years.

The responsibility of caring for their father rested on Chase and Elizabeth, more so on Elizabeth since she lived in the city with him. Chase was in charge of the legal matters, such as Grant’s Will, Power of Attorney, which he shared with his sister and the Pre-Funeral Planning that they started a few months ago. Still nothing would prepare them for this moment.

“I’ll call you if something happens…I promise.” He assured her. “Go home, shower, and hug the kids. Eat a decent breakfast and please bring me something.” He chuckled humorously. “The food here sucks.” He frowned while sticking out his tongue. His action as tired as she was still incited a laugh from his sister.

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I say no? My little brother needs to eat.”

“And so do you.” He eyed her sternly.

“Okay…” She smiled warmly. After giving her brother a firm hug, she stepped over to the bed. She used her finger to daintily swoop her long dark auburn hair behind her ear before bending down to kiss their father good bye. Their fingers touched briefly, as she walked past her brother, receiving reassuring smile.

Chase took a deep breath as he watched his sister leave. He always thought she was beautiful. Her long dark hair fell to the middle of her back. She was not as tall as Chase but with a 5’7 frame she was considered taller than average for a woman. She didn’t get their mother’s eyes, unlike her brother’s; hers was a warm shade of brown.

As he glanced around the room, he noticed how small it was becoming. It was as if the walls were starting to close in on him and it was becoming harder to breathe. It pained him to watch his father like this. The man who taught him to always stand for something and be ready to make a defense for what you believed. He knew he needed to be strong. He needed to be able to handle this. He wasn’t a child like the one he was when he lost his mother. Nothing was expected of him then. But now… He sighed reflectively before shoving his hands deep in his pocket. He fumbled with his phone before glancing back at his dad.

“I’ll be back…” He whispered as he turned and walked out the room.

~*~*~

Chase dropped his tired body into the chair and relaxed his back against the wall heaving a heavy sigh. He frowned as he pulled his phone from his pocket. He knew it was too late to be calling, but there was only one voice he wanted to hear…needed to hear. He closed his eyes tightly, took a deep breath, holding it as he pressed send. He adjusted himself in his seat; resting his head against the wall waiting for him to answer.

“Hello….” Kaleb’s sleep laden voice made him smile without even realizing it. He knew not to ask if he had awakened him, it was obvious he had and Kaleb would indeed tell him so.

“Hey…” He replied faintly as he chewed on his lower lip. He could hear commotion on the other end of the phone.

“How’s your dad?” Kaleb asked as he adjusted the covers around him.

“He’s…he.” Chase sighed struggling to form the words.

“He’s what?” Kaleb questioned franticly. “Is he…you know?” Kaleb cleared his throat fearing the worst.

“Oh, no…” Chase responded to the unasked question.

“Good…” Kaleb placed his hand to his chest breathing a genuine sigh of relief. There was a moment of silence shared between them…a comforting one. Chase felt grounded, relaxed. Just hearing his breathing on the other end of the phone was like a calming balm.

“I hate hospitals.” Chase stated emphatically, as he glanced around the room.

“Why?”

“They’re too depressing.” He answered flatly. “The last time I was here, I thirteen years old.”

“What happened...?” Kaleb asked, his voice was soft and un-intrusive. He waited quietly, adjusting his pillow behind his head.

“My sister, brother, and I had to wait in a room like this while our dad talked to the doctors.” Chase nodded as if Kaleb could see him. He swallowed hard before speaking again. “The room seemed much larger though.” He laughed softly. “I remember it like it was yesterday. I kept asking when I could see her, and he would always say, ‘Sit tight son, be patient.’ He would pat me twice on the back each time without fail.” Chase shook his head reflectively. Kaleb didn’t say anything, he just continued to listen and that’s what Chase needed at that moment… he just needed him to be there. The fact that he could still hear Kaleb breathing was soothing even though he was miles away.

“I remember the last time I asked to see her; he told me she was gone.” A single tear slipped down his cheek followed by another one and then another. He thought he was done crying. “They couldn’t save my mom.” He cried quietly, “And now they can’t save my dad.” He choked up as he cupped his hand over his mouth to silence his cry.

“I’m so sorry….” Kaleb cried along with his boyfriend. They wept silently together, and as weird as it seemed Chase felt a closeness with Kaleb that he’d never felt with anyone.

“I better let you go.” He spoke just above a whisper, breaking their silence. “You need to get some rest.”

“And you need me.” Kaleb replied lovingly.

~*~*~

Kaleb made his way down the hall to his parents study with a sense of urgency. He knew they would still be up. They had been entertaining this evening and the last of their guest had just left.

Just as he figured, Helen and Horace were sitting in the study enjoying a nightcap before heading up to bed. Helen was surprised when she glanced up to see Kaleb standing in the doorway. “Kaleb?” She smiled warmly as she sat her drink on the table. “Is something wrong?” She asked hesitantly before she glanced towards her husband.

Horace noticed Kaleb had a suitcase beside him and he had his backpack slung over his shoulder. “Son, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Chase. He needs me. I have to go to Indiana.” Kaleb answered simply.

“Indiana?” Helen repeated with confusion.

“Yes, mom. His father is in the hospital and they think he’s going to die.” He offered softly.

“Chase’s father is in the hospital?” Horace asked for clarification.

“Yes…” Kaleb anxiously nodded his answer as he tightened his backpack over his shoulder.

“Oh son, that’s terrible.”

“Honey, I’m sorry to hear about his father, like your dad said, that’s terrible. But you can’t go to Indiana.” Helen said as she eyed him carefully.

“I’ve gotta go mom…” Kaleb whined as the tears filled his eyes. “He’s my boyfriend; I have to take care of him….”

“What part of Indiana?” Horace asked.

“Indianapolis. It’s not that far.” Kaleb answered.

Horace nodded his understanding as he ran his hand down his chin thoughtfully.

“It doesn’t matter, Horace. He’s not going.” Helen asserted strongly.

“Mom?” Kaleb protested.

“Honey.” Helen approached him cautiously, welcoming him into her arms. “I’m sure Mr. Montgomery can take care of himself.”

“Yes, but he shouldn’t have to. He has me.” Kaleb stressed. “I want to be there for him.”

“But…”

“No buts, mom.” He interjected. “I’m going.”

“No and that’s final.” She stated trying to keep calm.

“Dad?” Kaleb pleaded with tears in his eyes.

“Helen…”

“Don’t you dare tell me you are even considering this?” She glared at her husband.

“Helen, he’s not a kid anymore. I’ve meet Chase. I trust him.”

“Pffff…” Helen huffed as she squinted at him before softening her gaze to Kaleb. “Listen son. I can’t have you gallivanting all over Indiana by yourself-“

“I won’t be gallivanting, I’ll be with my boyfriend-“

“Your boyfriend…” Helen interrupted. “Mr. Montgomery is not your boyfriend.” She quipped.

“Helen…” Horace chided.

“He is, mom, and I love him.” He declared with conviction.

“Oh my god.” Helen mouthed faintly covering her hand over her mouth unable to speak anymore, stupefied by his admission.

“That’s right mom, I love him.” He repeated, his fist balled tightly by his side as if he was ready for battle, ready to defend his statement. Horace took a long swig of his drink as he too tried to process what his son had just confessed. Helen and her son stood, gazes locked neither one breaking the stare. It was a game of waiting, a war of the minds.

“Son….” Helen spoke in a calculating manner. “You’ve only known Mr. Montgomery for a little over two weeks.”

“He’s name is Chase, mom. It’s been three weeks.” Kaleb corrected her. Helen took a deep sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Okay…three weeks. Kaleb, you can’t possibly love him, let alone know what love really means.” She emphasized.

“Oh my god, mom. I’m not ten anymore.” Kaleb stress, his tone laced with irritation.

“I didn’t say you were son.” She replied in a condescending tone.

“I know what love is. It’s a feeling you have…a strong feeling. It’s the feeling I have for Chase.” He stated with a dreamy faraway look in his eyes. “I love him, mom.”

Helen and Horace shared a questioning glance, one that insisted Horace say something. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“Son, I have no doubt that you understand what love is. My only concern is, is that what you really feel for Chase?”

“I do, dad.” Kaleb stated with conviction. “He’s wonderful to me. He makes me feel important. He listens to me.” He frowned at his mother before continuing. “When we talk, he talks to me, not at me like I’m some child. He asked me what places I want to eat at, what movies I like. My feelings matter…I matter.” He smiled warmly. “And he loves me too.”

Helen’s eyes widened and her mouth fell at Kaleb’s last statement. Horace sighed deeply, as he rubbed his temples in an attempt to release the tension building.

“Did he tell you this?” Helen asked accusingly.

“Um…no. But I know it.” Kaleb smiled. “I can tell by the way he kisses me.”

“Shit….” Helen scoffed. “I knew it.” She sighed throwing her hands up in the air in defeat.

“You knew what?” Kaleb questioned, his arms now crossed tightly over his chest.

“Yes, Helen. You knew what?” Horace repeated. “He says they are boyfriends for goodness sake. What did you think they would be doing, having milk and cookies?”

“Yeah, Mom…” Kaleb replied sarcastically.

“He’s taking advantage of him.” She stated adamantly. “What are you going to do about this?” She demanded of her husband.

“What do you suppose I do, Helen?” Horace shrugged. “He’s a grown man.”

“Yeah…” Kaleb agreed.

“He’s got feelings….”

“Yeah…” Kaleb agreed again, this time receiving a stern stare from his mother.

“That’s it. They can’t see each other anymore.” She said shaking her head vehemently. “He should be ashamed of himself.” She grunted.

“Why, because he finds me attractive?” He asked rhetorically, not waiting for answer. “It’s what people who love each other do.” He countered.

“Next thing you know he’ll be trying to have sex with you, or whatever?” She retorted.

“And what’s wrong with that I’m a grown ass man like daddy said.” He gestured toward his father.

“Okay…okay. That’s enough.” Horace pushed himself from his chair. “Is that all you’re planning to take to Indianapolis?” He nodded toward the bag beside Kaleb’s feet.

“Horace?!”

“Yes sir.” Kaleb answered ignoring his mother’s protest.

“Do you have a suit in there…you know just in case?”

“Horace...What the!?” Helen yelled only for Horace to ignore her once more. Kaleb shook his head no.

“Go look in my closet and get my garment bag. Get your navy suit and a pair of black socks along with your Stacy Adams.”

“Horace?” Helen sighed exasperatedly.

“Okay…” Kaleb’s eyes lit up with excitement. He was so happy that when he turned to leave, he almost tripped over the bag on the floor.

“This is ridiculous, Helen.” Horace insisted as he reached on the table for his cell phone. “Let him be, before you lose him all together.” He shook his head with disappointment as he scanned the contacts.

“I don’t believe you.” Helen rolled her eyes as she stormed off.

“Henry…Fitzgerald here. Get the plane ready.” He instructed. “You’re taking my son to Indy. Yes now!”

~*~*~

Chase's eyes fluttered open at the sound of movement by his side. He sat up stretching through a sleep-laden yawn.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.” The soft voice whispered.

"No... No. It's okay.” He smiled as he watched the nurse check his father's vitals. "Is he in much pain?"

"Not too much. I increased the drip. All we can do now is make him comfortable.” She smiled sadly, as she glanced over to her patient. "Oh your brother is here."

"Really?” Chases eyes widened with surprise. "I didn't think he could get a flight out till in the morning.” He thought aloud. "Where is he?” Chase asked as he stood to his feet.

"He was out in the hall using his cell phone; he didn't want to wake you.” She informed him. Just then, the door opened capturing their attention. "Oh there he is.” She smiled.

"Heyyy...” Chase marveled at the man standing before him. "What are you doing here?” He questioned as he hurried over to the young man, pulling him into a tight hug.

"You needed me.” Kaleb whispered.” Chase pulled him back looking deep into Kaleb's warm blue eyes and smiled before falling into a desperate kiss.

"Yes, I did.” He managed to say as they broke for air.

"Ahem.” The nurse cleared her throat, reminding them she was in the room.

"Oh...” Chase blushed. "I haven't seen him in a while.” He ducked his head giving Kaleb a sly wink.

"Talk about your brotherly love.” She giggled as she walked past. Both Chase and Kaleb chuckled softly between them watching as she closed the door behind her.

"What are you doing here...How did you get here?” Chase asked in amazement.

"Well....” Kaleb started to speak.

"Wait...” Chase looked frantically behind Kaleb's back. "Where's your mom? Shit, does she know you're here?"

"Well if you let me finish.” Kaleb objected.

"Okay...okay.” Chase laughed in spite of himself. He stood back with a slight bow of the head and a humble wave of the hand signaling him to finish.

"Yes, Helen knows I'm here. She doesn't like it, but she knows.” He smirked.

"Really?” Chase asked incredulously.

"Believe it or not.” Kaleb confirmed. "And I got here on Daddy's plane.” He grinned widely.

"Daddy's plane?” Chase questioned with an arched brow.

"Well. If you've got the means.” Kaleb shrugged through a witty smile. Chase nodded reflectively as they leaned into a tender kiss.

"Thank you...” Chase sighed contentedly...

TBC...