Shades of Gray - 14. Chapter 14

He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there with that blank stare. He had just admitted something that scared the hell out of him, and yet Helen seemed unfazed by it. It was only by her reply, that he was even sure she heard him. And she was right; he was telling the wrong person. He combed his fingers through his hair while exhaling deeply. He watched as the door slowly open, concerned blue eyes zeroed in on wearied green ones.

"Are... are you okay?” Kaleb's voice was soft and soothing to his ears. He smiled and nodded as Kaleb cautiously stepped inside. "Helen is ummm...” He pointed his thumb back over his shoulder. He held his breath knitting his brows together tightly. "Are you okay?” He repeated this time with more concern as he made his way over to Chase. He eyed him carefully looking for any sign of discontent.

"Because if my mom did anything....” He declared almost brazenly.

"I'm fine...it's" Chase stuttered stopping suddenly as he concentrated on those eyes that appeared so innocent, yet filled with such determination...such conviction. A small smile appeared as he absorbed the validity of those words spoken earlier. 'I love your son.'

"No... No, it's fine. Really.” Chase recovered, receiving a questioning gaze from Kaleb as he took his hand. "Let's go join the others, shall we.” He suggested as he pressed his lips together in a tight smile bringing Kaleb's hands to them. He kissed each finger before he allowed Kaleb to lead them into the other room.

To say the rest of the evening was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Helen was her usual calculating, callused self, the only difference was she'd stopped taking merciless jabs at Chase. It was as if they had formed a 'hostel' alliance together. Based on her conversation and demeanor, he was sure she was convinced he would never tell Kaleb about their little talk and she would be right. And, as perceptive as she was, Chase knew she understood why.

The night went on later than he expected. It wasn’t until ten o’clock when everyone was saying their good-byes. Adam and Chase made solid plans to check out the Bulls when basketball season started. To his surprise Helen didn't complain when Kaleb informed her, he would be spending the night at his place. She kissed him lovingly on the forehead; told him to drive safe and call his father when they arrived so they wouldn't worry about him.

~*~*~

Love...to say that Chase was afraid of it or the word would be untrue, on the contrary, he wasn't afraid of love at all. Sure love is subjective and different from person to person. Love, in his mind wasn't something you tossed around casually, no heat of the moment confessions. No, it was much deeper than that. To him it was something that developed over time as you got to know a person. A blossoming as it were, of trust...honesty... understanding, and sacrifice. Those exact feelings were developing between Lance and him. Their relationship progressed at a nice, slow, easy pace. They eased into it, just as easily as they eased out. Unscathed, a little tattered, but not torn or broken. It was controlled...comfortable, and it fit Chase by design.

The movement beside him distracted him from his thoughts. He glanced up and smiled as Kaleb settled down beside him. He squinted furrowing his brows together noticing Chase's pensive stare.

"Are you alright?” Kaleb questioned as he pulled his knees toward his chest resting his journal on top of them.

"Yeah...” Chase smiled softly.

"Because you've been acting strange every since we got back here.” He pointed out as he pulled the cap off his pen and started writing. Chase scooted over closing the space between them. He nodded toward Kaleb's lap as he intrusively wedged his head between Kaleb's knees and chest. Kaleb didn't mind however, he just shifted slightly adjusting his journal and continued writing unfazed by the pair of eyes admiring him. Chase adjusted his head making himself comfortable on his boyfriend's lap.

"So you really do write in your journal every night.” He observed.

"Every night...” Kaleb confirmed never lifting his pen from the paper.

"Hummm...” Chase hummed processing the information. There was a moment of silence for two beats before Chase spoke again. "How long have you been journaling?” Kaleb lifted his pen and sighed as he pondered the question thoughtfully.

"For as long as I can remember.” He stated reflectively. "Before I could write actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah.” Kaleb inhaled deeply.

"How?” Chase questioned with piqued curiosity. He smiled as Kaleb placed the pen between the pages of the book to save his place before setting it beside him.

"When I was little I had nightmares really bad.” He explained. "I used to sleep with the lights on.” He giggled embarrassingly. Chase smiled while casually resting his arms across his chest clasping his fingers together as he listened intently.

"Yeah... it's embarrassing I know.” Kaleb rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. "But true.” He admitted bashfully. "Anyway, my mom said it was because my soul was heavy...weighed down.” Chase arched his brow questioningly. "I know.” Kaleb shrugged. "Weighed down? I didn't know what that meant. But she explained it by saying the activities of the day stayed with us. The good stuff kept us awake at night because we were too excited to sleep and the bad stuff gave us nightmares.” He stated pointedly.

"Okaayyy...” Chase said following Helen's line of reasoning. "I can understand that."

"So she bought me my first journal.” He continued fondly. "It was this big ole book with big red letters on the front. I still have it.” He noted excitedly.

"Cool..."

"So at night when it was time for me to go to bed, my mother would sit with me; I would tell her everything that happened to me that day and she would write it down.” He stated simply receiving a short nod from Chase. "She would say all the excitement, good and bad was now in the pages of that book. She then gave it to me to close and seal everything away.” He stated through a toothy grin.

"And did it work?"

"Believe it or not… it did.” Kaleb admitted surprisingly. "And I've been doing it ever since."

"Hummm..."

"I have several trunks full of journals."

"Really?” Chase questioned as he lifted his head off Kaleb's lab repositioning himself beside him.

"Yep. When I die they should gather them all together and make a movie about my life.” He said jokingly as he picked up his journal.

"That's a great idea.” Chase exclaimed. "While you're joking. I think it would make an amazing story."

"Really?" Kaleb asked quizzically.

"Really.” Chase replied with excitement still lacing his tone. He held his hands out in front of him as if they were a marquee and stated in an animated voice. 'The Chronicles of Kaleb.’ Kaleb smiled looking off in the distance as if he could actually see it.

"Yeah....” He leaned his head against Chase's and sighed with a dreamy faraway look in his eyes.

"Who would you want to play you?” Chase nudged Kaleb’s shoulder.

"Ummm... I don't know.” Kaleb replied while he thoughtfully tapped the pen against his chin. After a few seconds, he exclaimed with wide eyes. “I’ve got it!”

“Who?” Chase laughed.

“Darren Criss.” He stated nodding quickly.

“Darren Criss.” Chase repeated. “Blaine, from Glee.” He twisted his mouth as he thought of the actor’s features. “He might work, if he wore contacts.” He added. “He’s not as cute as you, but he’s a viable option.”

“Who would you want to play you?” Kaleb asked enthusiastically.

“Me? Chase waved off dismissively. “Nawh…”

“What…no, Nawh.” Kaleb laughed. “You have to be in the movie as my love interest.” Kaleb insisted as he playfully swatted at Chase and missed.

“Okay...okay.” Chase fell backwards against the pillow. “Who could play me? Hummm, let me see.” He thought hard and after a moment of silence, he shrugged. “I can’t think of anyone.”

“John Barrowman!?” Kaleb blurted out, taking Chase by surprise.

“Who?” He knitted his brows together at a loss.

“Captain Jack, from ‘Torchwood.’” Kaleb stated the obvious.

“Ohhhh….” Chase smiled reflectively. “Wait how old is he?” He asked almost sounding insulted.

“I don’t know…” Kaleb shrugged. “But he’s cute and with makeup I can see him playing you besides I don’t watch much television so I can’t think of anyone else.”

Chase laughed just thinking about it. “So we have Darren, and John, playing Kaleb and Chase.” He hummed as he rubbed his finger thoughtfully under his chin, and nodded. “That could work.” He grinned.

“Oh, and they have to put lots of sex scenes in there.” Kaleb added.

“Sex?”

“Yes…because you’re so good at it.” He blushed.

Chase chuckled softly, gazing hopelessly into Kaleb’s blue eyes. “It takes two, you know.” He reminded him as his voice took on a darker tone. “I’m only as good as my partner.”

“I’m not that good.” Kaleb ducked his head bashfully. Chase scooted closer, using his finger to lift Kaleb’s head bringing them eye to eye.

“You. Are. Incredible.” He stated passionately, leaving no room for doubt in Kaleb’s mind. “Everything about you is incredible.” He smiled as he took the journal from Kaleb’s hand and placed it on the bed. He scooted a little closer as he draped his arm around Kaleb’s shoulder taking a deep breath before continuing. “It’s almost intimidating actually.” He humbly admitted.

“Intimidating?” Kaleb parroted with confusion. “Me?”

Chase chuckled a little as he gathered his thoughts together. “The first time I saw you in the nursery I was….” He sighed reflectively. “I didn’t understand it.”

“Understand what?” Kaleb questioned.

“Why from that moment I couldn’t get you out of my head.” He admitted as he placed his finger to his temple and twisted slightly. “It was like you were stuck there.”

“I understand it.” Kaleb smiled. “I felt the same way. You walked in, tall…confident, all business like.”

“Oh yeah…” Chase laughed at Kaleb’s perception of him.

“Yeah…”

“Anyway, like I was saying I couldn’t get you out of my head. And then when we actually met it was all over for me.” He chuckled softly. “I wanted to be a part of…of whatever you were a part of and it scared me because I’d never felt anything remotely close to that feeling before. It was as if you reached in and literally touched my heart, causing it to skip beats every time I saw you. And when you asked if I wanted to be boyfriends it was as if everything fast-forwarded in my head. I didn’t have time to process it.” He admitted honestly through a warm smile.

“I’m sorry…” Kaleb sighed. “Was I moving too fast?” He asked despairingly.

“Yes…I mean no…well maybe.” Chase chucked nervously while scratching behind his ear. “I said yes because I wanted to, but I didn’t know why I wanted to.” He stressed through a heavy sigh. “It was as if my feelings took over and I went into overdrive and somewhere between first and fifth gear I fell in love with you.” He confessed more to himself. ‘There I said it and the earth didn’t explode and I didn’t die… not yet anyway…’ Kaleb swallowed and pressed his lips together in a tight line.

He tilted his head slightly. “Is it okay….?” He asked hesitantly.

“Is what okay?” Chase questioned as he took Kaleb’s hand into his own. “That I fell in love you?” Kaleb combed his fingers through his bangs and nodded slowly as he tried to look away. Chase gently touched his chin turning him back around.

“It’s more than okay, baby, it’s like an adrenaline rush…. all the time.” He smiled lovingly while gazing into Kaleb’s eyes. “You make me happy by just being you, it’s that simple. I guess that’s why I was having such a hard time accepting it.” He reasoned. “Nothing has ever been that simple for me, especially where love is concerned. “I love you Kaleb.”

“I know…” Kaleb replied. “I’ve always known.” Chase just shook his head and smiled. He inhaled deeply as he cupped Kaleb’s face in his hands.

“You always knew eh?” He chuckled as he leaned forward pulling Kaleb’s face toward his own. Their lips toughed briefly before Chase pulled back receiving a disapproving moan from his partner. “So you knew.” He smiled.

“Umhum…” Kaleb nodded as he leaned forward demanding another kiss, which Chase readily abided. He placed his hand behind Kaleb’s head deepening the kiss. What started out gentle and sweet quickly turned into more. Passionate…heated and desperate. Hungered moans escaped between labored breaths as he lowered Kaleb back onto the pillow. He shifted himself allowing Chase easier access to his entire body. They struggled as they tore off each other’s clothing with a sense of urgency never breaking the kiss. Their union was unique, but it worked. It didn’t matter what others thought, or if they were convinced they should or should not be together. What mattered were Kaleb and Chase, they made each other happy, and in the end of the day, that’s what it’s really all about.

The next few days were amazing. Kaleb relished in Chase’s confession of love. Though he knew all along that Chase loved him, his actions spoke louder than any said words it, but it felt good hearing him say it. It was like an awaking for Chase. It was as if he was accepting them. He wasn’t fighting it anymore and that made Kaleb happy. He wanted Chase to be as comfortable and happy with “them” as he was.

He lay still, careful not to wake him as he watched him sleep. Watching the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed steadily…peacefully. He didn’t need many lovers to know that he would love this man for the rest of his life. He was his first and his last. He gingerly traced the contours of his face loving the feel of his skin under his fingertips. A huge smile appeared as he thought of an idea. It was Saturday morning and neither one of them had any place to be so what better way to start the day then with breakfast in bed. Kaleb eased his body from underneath the covers; carefully, not bothering to put any clothes on, in fear the movement would wake his sleeping prince.

As he padded down the hall his mind wandered, eggs, but how? Scrambled, Sunnyside up, boiled. “I could always try making an omelet.” He thought to himself. But what kind? There’s veggie, Ham and cheese, western. He was so lost in thought he didn’t see the sleepy, shadowy figure heading towards him.

THUD!?...CRASH! “UGH! OUCH!”

“What the Fuck?!”

“Oh.My.God! Don’t look.”

“Where the hell are your clothes!?”

“Get off my toe!”

The commotion in the hall startled Chase from his slumber. He jumped out of bed in a panic, eyes wide, and his heart pounding spastically within his chest. His eyes darted around the room quickly looking for signs of Kaleb. “Fuck?!” He gasped. “Kaleb.” He scrambled out of the room. “Kaleb! Carter is staying….” His voice trailed off as he tried to untangle himself from the twisted sheets holding him captive. He hopped on one foot, with the bedding trailing behind him.

“Oh my god…” He cupped his hand over his mouth in awe when he saw the sight in front of him. Carter stood with his back turned slightly facing the wall, with red stained cheeks waving his hands frantically in the air. Kaleb scurried past him, his hands pressed tightly over his groin running as fast as his legs carry him.

“I’m sorry…” He muttered embarrassingly as he ran by.

Chase watched Kaleb until he ran into the bedroom before turning his attention back to his brother. “I’m sorry.” He said to no in particular as he collapsed helplessly against the wall.

“Is it safe?” Carter asked cautiously turning around. Without waiting for an answer, he turned coming face to face with his brother. “UGHHHH…. For the love of god.” He sighed. “Do you guys believe in wearing clothes?” He asked as he clamped his hand over his eyes. “Cover that shit up…Damn.” He chuckled humorously.

“Oh…shit.” Chase replied as he quickly covered himself with the palm of his hand while searching out the cover he’d dragged behind him. He pulled the tangled sheet up around his waist. “Sorry about that, man.” He apologized profusely. “I forgot to tell Kaleb….” He stopped abruptly, his eyes wide as saucers and his mouth agape. “Kaleb?!” He turned trying to keep his balance as he ran down the hall. Carter shook his head and sighed as he combed his fingers through his messy tresses before continuing his quest… the bathroom.

“Kaleb?” Chase called out as he cautiously entered the room.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry.” Kaleb chanted. Chase looked around the room searching out the direction of his voice. He walked around the bed to find his boyfriend curled up in a ball in the corner fully dressed.

He dropped to one knee and immediately took Kaleb into his arms. “Baby…it’s okay.” He assured him. “It’s okay. I promise.” Chase rubbed soothing circles over Kaleb’s back as he buried his head in the crevice of Chase’s neck.

He held Chase tight, clearly distraught. “I didn’t know he was here.” He explained.

“I know. I’m sorry, that was totally my fault.” Chase admitted softly in Kaleb’s ear. He pulled him back in effort to make eye contact with him. “I was going to tell you when we had dinner at your house, but it just slipped my mind.” He explained with a forlorn glance. “It’s totally cool.” He forced a sorrowful smile.

“I’m so embarrassed.” Kaleb whined falling back into Chase’s arms.

“I know, baby. It’s kind of funny when you think of it.”

“No it’s not.”

“You should have seen the look on my brother’s face. It’s him that’s embarrassed, trust me.” Chase chuckled trying to lighten the mood.

“I don’t know…” Kaleb replied skeptically as he buried his face deeper against Chase’s chest.

“Hey what were you doing out of bed anyway? I thought we had planned to sleep in.”

“We did.” Kaleb released his hold on Chase. “But I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed and that’s when….” He frowned with a slight shrug while fidgeting with his fingers.

“Awww…” Chase kissed Kaleb on the forehead. “That’s so sweet, but I didn’t know you cooked.”

“I don’t, but I was going to try…for you.”

“See that’s why I love you. You are just too good to me.” Chase smiled. “I tell you what, why don’t I put on some clothes, and you take off some of yours, you’re way over dressed.” He teased nodding to the shirt, and jeans Kaleb had thrown on. “We cook breakfast together and come back in here and eat in bed.” Chase suggested as he helped Kaleb to his feet.

“Okay…” He replied faintly still a little shaken. Chase smiled as he pulled him into his comforting embrace and kissed him.

~*~*~*~

Fall had finally arrived. The leaves were turning into their magnificent shades of yellow, orange, and red. The air was crisp, cool enough for a light jacket, but not heavy enough for a winter coat. The Indian summers were nearing its end. Fall and winter were Kaleb’s favorite seasons, October, November, December, and January to be exact. He loved them the most, because they each had a holiday to celebrate, well all except October, it had Halloween.

“Hurry, Chase.” He yelled excitedly. “You know I can’t be late.” Kaleb stood in front of the mirror giving himself a once over, smiling approvingly at his costume as he adjusted the green cap on his head.

“I’m coming…” He heard Chase reply. “I’m not sure how to tie this thing.” He complained as he walked toward him fumbling with the string on his cape.

“Come here.” Kaleb snickered at his boyfriend who was dressed in his ‘Batman’, costume.

Tonight was the first ever Halloween party for the kids at the shelter thanks to Kaleb. He had to practically beg Darla to let them have it. ‘It wasn’t in the budget,’ she reasoned. It wasn’t until he offered to pay for the entire party that she agreed… reluctantly.

Kaleb went all out, sparing no expense. He brought several different costumes of various characters and sizes for the children, along with all the decorations. He made sure there was plenty of food to eat from hamburgers, cheese sticks, chicken tenders, and hot dogs along with lots of chips, dips, and apple cider. After Darla warmed up to the idea, she got excited, even dressing up herself. She would be ‘Elvira.’ He made sure there were loads of toys and lots of fun games for the kids to play. He wanted this to be a night they would always remember. For most of them, this would be their first party.

“Hold still…” Kaleb instructed as he focused on his task. Chase tilted his head chewing sexily on his lower lip as he admired his boyfriend lean physique.

“You know….” Chase whispered in a deep, provocative tone. “You’ve got to be the sexiest ‘Peter Pan,’ I have ever…ever seen.” He purred against Kaleb’s neck as he pulled him flush against him.

“Stop it…” Kaleb blushed as he wiggled his body from Chase’s hold. “You’re gonna make me…you know.” He glanced back over his shoulder making sure they were alone. “Hard.” He ducked his head bashfully.

“That’s actually the plan.” Chase bounced his brows suggestively.

“Not right now, Chase. Later.” He promised.

“Oh…okay.” Chase feigned disappointment before swatting Kaleb on the butt. “Later.” He winked as he grabbed his keys. “Carter, we’re leaving!” Chase called out to his brother.

“BOO…Arrgghh…BOO.” Carter made his voice echo as he limped stiff legged down the hall with his arms stretched out in front of him.

“Wow, you look good man.” Chase broke out in a boisterous laugh as he draped his arms around Kaleb’s waist. “I like it.” He nodded approvingly. “Who are you?”

“I’m Frankenstein stupid.” Carter replied proudly as he puffed out his chest.

“Oh yeah…I knew that.” Chase continued to laugh.

“Duh….” Kaleb chuckled.

“What, no ‘spidey’ suit?” Carter teased with an arched brow. Kaleb placed his hand on his hip and quipped.

“Not that you would know, because I didn’t know you then, but…I was ‘Spider Man,’ last year at my brother’s costume party. I couldn’t very well be him again this year.” Kaleb politely informed him. He stopped mid thought and knitted his brows together tightly as he inspected Carter’s outfit.

“You stay away from the babies.” He shook his finger at him sternly. “I don’t want them getting scared, they won’t have any fun if they’re scared.”

“But it’s Halloween. It’s supposed to be scary.” Carter countered. “That’s what the haunted house is for…remember?” Carter waved his hands in the air.

“The haunted house is for the bigger kids….” Kaleb stressed.

“You’re no fun man.” Carter shook his head disappointedly. “He’s no fun.” He pointed to Kaleb.

“You can have fun. Just don’t scare the babies.” Kaleb repeated exasperatedly crossing his arms defiantly over his chest. “Chase?” He looked to his boyfriend for reinforcement.

“Don’t scare the babies, bro.” Chase replied as if on cue.

“Okay.” His brother conceded. “I won’t scare the babies.” Carter sighed and rolled his eyes. Kaleb glared at him skeptically. “Scout honor.” Carter promised with a sly grin. “But the big kids better watch out. Hell I didn’t pay all that money to rent this outfit for nothing.”

“Fine.” Kaleb huffed uncrossing his arms from his chest.

“Now that, that’s settled, we better get going or we will be late.” Chase informed them.

“I can’t wait to see who Adam and Jenny will be this year.” Kaleb voiced excitedly. He had enlisted his brother and sister in-law’s help with the haunted house along with a few other employees at the shelter, all of which were more than willing to assist. Chase nodded in agreement, as he opened the door ushering them out. He motioned for Kaleb to go first. “After you.” He smiled as Kaleb sauntered past him in his green tights. Carter followed close behind going back into character mode before limping out.

~*~*~*~

The night proved to be a fun one indeed. Chase lost track of how many times he danced to ‘Monster Mash.’ And he ate so much candy corn he was sure he would have a tooth ache this morning. He woke up a little tired, but no worse for wear. Not only did the children have fun, but the adults did as well. By the end of the night, they were already making plans for next year. Last night was a huge success, and Kaleb’s time to shine which he did. It was his first time hosting a party and it was only fitting that it was for the children…they were his pride and joy. Chase was proud of him and honored to be standing by his side. The children were very appreciative and so were the moms. Every time Chase turned around they were giving Kaleb hugs or just hanging on him, and he loved every minute of it.

He smiled fondly as his thoughts shifted to the file in front of him. He grimaced at its content. This one involved a little girl. His client, who was the victim’s grandmother, is seeking to remove the child from her current environment, claiming sexual misconduct by the mother’s boyfriend.

So engrossed in what he was reading, he never took his eyes off the paper as he carefully reached for his coffee.

“Mr. Montgomery?” The voice on the intercom interrupted him. He placed his coffee down and pressed the talk button.

“Yes, Delia.”

“I have a call holding from a Darla Jackson. She says it’s urgent.”

“Darla…” He parroted. “Send it though.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Chase answered on the first ring. “Darla?” He questioned curiously. He squinted, knitting his brows together tightly as he listened. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?” He asked as he ran his hand roughly down his chin. He released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Shit. Is he okay?” He asked remaining calm. “No…no, you did right.” He assured her. “I’m on my way.” He stated even as he pushed himself from his chair. He hung up the phone, grabbed his jacket off the chair, and sprinted out the door.

“Cancel my afternoon appointments!” He bellowed as he whisked by Delia’s desk heading for the elevators. “Please…” His voice trailed off as the elevator doors were closing.