The Orchestra - Sinfónia Lifsins - 5. Meetings

After I had taken my seat on the plane, the pilot announced that because of the bad weather we would have to wait a while before we were cleared for take off. We ended up waiting for an hour, and I became worried that Eiríkur would end up having to wait for me all this time in Reykjavík. Hopefully mum would be able to get hold of him before it was too late. It didn’t feel right to put my cousin through this kind of situation when he was being so nice to me, even if I thought this “niceness” was too good to be true.

After getting my luggage I crossed the gates looking for someone who vaguely resembled the memory I had of my seventeen year-old cousin. There weren’t many people around; it didn’t take me long to realise there was no one who seemed to fit. I panicked slightly, thinking that everything had been a joke and that there was nobody waiting for me, but thankfully someone recognised me before I could get even more nervous.

“Hey, Gunni! Here!”

The man who approached me was tall and slim, dressed in very fine black clothes. His hair was blond mixed with red to such an extent that it was impossible to tell which his natural hair colour was. He smiled widely and hugged me as soon as he got close enough. This man was very different from the image I had of Eiríkur, and when he started talking (a bit faster than most people) I realised his voice was actually higher than mine, which meant he couldn’t be the deep-voiced cousin who had spoken to me over the phone.

“Ah… Sorry, but… who are you?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound rude. The man just smiled and lowered his head so that our eyes were at the same level.

“Oh, I should be sorry! I’m so sorry, Gunni! I was so happy to finally meet you that I forgot to introduce myself! How could I do such a thing? My name is Jónas Jónatansson, but you can call me just “Jó”. Eiri had an emergency at home, so he asked if I could come in his place. Now come on, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we will be home!”

Jó started walking to the exit and I followed soon after, lagging behind because of my luggage. I kept my eyes on Jó as we walked, noticing how incredibly thin he was. I wondered if he would’ve been able to push the cart if he was in my place. Jó’s car was a 4x4; I put my luggage in the back seat and joined him at the front. He seemed to be struggling to ignite the machine.

“Damn, Eiri! You and your car! Someday I will…”

I never found out what Jó would do, though, because at that moment the car decided to finally obey him. During the journey home he told me he was not used to driving, that he preferred bikes to cars, but that sometimes he didn’t have a choice. Jó talked a lot about many things; he seemed to be enjoying himself even though it was almost midnight and we were in a car in the middle of nowhere surrounded by cold and snow. I probably fell asleep at some point; it had been a long day for me and I was really tired. I remember being on the road and almost immediately afterwards being gently pushed out of the car and walked to the warm interior of a bright house.

“Welcome home, Gunni!” Jó’s gentle voice whispered close to my ear. We were in the front hall, overlooking the corridor and the kitchen at its end. There was a set of stairs to my right, but the lights were all off in the second floor. “It seems your dear cousin is not here yet. That means I can’t give you a decent bed just now, even though I know you must be really tired. Want to crash in the sofa for a while? I don’t think Eiri is going to take that long, at least I hope he doesn’t…”

Jó didn’t wait for my reply to walk me to the living room (first door to the right) and make sure I was comfortably lying on the sofa with my shoes off. He went away for a minute and came back with a fluffy red blanket. I was too tired to really look around the room, but I noticed they had a very big TV in front of the sofa. I could see my reflection on it. Jó sat next to me in an armchair. He seemed nervous.

“Are you ok?” I asked. I was fighting my weariness, but Jó seemed really troubled by something, so I couldn’t just ignore it.

“Yeah… yeah… It’s just… Every time your cousin goes there I can’t help but imagine terrible things happening. Sorry, I don’t want to scare you so soon!” Jó smiled, but soon afterwards lowered his head, supporting it with his hands. He looked just as tired as I was.

“Where is Eiríkur?” I asked again, trying to understand what was going on.

“At his mum’s. She lives at the end of the street. She went mad when she found out you were coming and staying here instead of staying with her.”

“Why?”

“Ah, well… that’s…”

Jó stopped talking when we heard the front door opening. The next second he was up and running to greet whom I hoped was my cousin. I heard Jó saying lots of things too fast and a deep voice laughing. I heard their footsteps and looked up when they entered the living room.

“Hi, Gunni. It’s good to see you after so long.”

I recognised Eiríkur’s voice, but I had trouble linking the man in front of me to the image I had of his seventeen year-old self. Eiríkur was not very tall, probably a little shorter than me, his hair was blond and carefully arranged, even at that time of the night, and he had the biggest arms and the most defined torso I’d ever seen. I felt my face heat up as I noticed those last details about his body and he and Jó giggled. It was embarrassing.

“Now, Gunni, we know you are very tired, but we need to have a serious talk with you before your well-deserved sleep. Eiri is here now, so soon we’ll give you a proper bed, but first you need to listen.” Jó explained in a very sombre tone. He smiled and winked at me, but I caught on to the importance of that ‘talk’. Eiríkur took a place next to me on the sofa and Jó retuned to the armchair. They exchanged nervous looks before my cousin spoke:

“Well, the thing is…”

I felt like I was going to be sick for most of the talk. It didn’t last long, they assured me I would be able to ask more questions when I wasn’t so tired, but it was enough to leave me with a very bad feeling hurting my chest. Their story was that Jó was Eiri’s boyfriend, but because my aunt was extremely homophobic his son could not come out. They were living pretending to be just housemates and the room I was going to use was supposed to be Jó’s. My aunt had called Eiri earlier because she couldn’t understand how he would be able to house me when all the rooms in the house were theoretically already occupied, while she had his old room available for me in her house. He had being trying to convince her that Jó and I could share that room; that was why he could not pick me up at the airport. I was expected to go along with all the lies, and despite my sickness I gave my word I would.

Ten minutes later Eiri had brought the luggage upstairs to ‘my’ room. I was ready to sleep soon after, but despite my tiredness I found it quite hard to fall asleep that night. I kept thinking about the things my cousins (Jó was a cousin too, in a way) told me, about how they could live like this. I was a bit afraid of my aunt too, of what she would think of me. I had more memories of Eiri than I had of her, I couldn’t even remember what she looked like ten years ago. She was almost a complete stranger to me, but I already feared her.

(...)     

I woke up when I felt something heavy land on my stomach. Because I was having some sort of nightmare concerning Aunt Margrét, my first thought was that she had come to punish me for not staying with her. Instead, it was a nice surprise to find a big, fluffy, ginger and white cat looking curiously at me when I opened my eyes. The cat’s eyes were bright yellow and seemed to ask “who are you, stranger?” Once it realised I was awake it came closer to me, sniffing the hand I had let out of the duvet. I tried to stroke its fur then, but as soon as I did I felt a sharp pain, as if needles had been suddenly pinned all over my hand. I screamed when I realised the cat had curled up around my outstretched hand and had all its nails and teeth carved on it.

I must have screamed quite loudly, because just a few seconds later Jó and Eiri were at my door looking visibly panicked. Jó even had a frying pan in his hand.

“Gunni? Are you alright?” Eiri almost screamed. He was looking at me, but had not seen the cat yet. Jó did, though.

“Oh, no! Tjúlli, get out now! Shooo!!” Jó came towards my bed and threatened to hit the cat with the frying pan. I felt another wave of pain when the nails left my body and the cat ran out of the bedroom in an orange flash. My ‘new’ cousin sat on the bed to take a closer look at my hand. It was bleeding slightly and there were scratches all over it. “Oh, Gunni, I’m so sorry! We should’ve warned you about Tjúlli! I’m so, so sorry!” Jó kept repeating ‘I’m sorry’ for a while. “Does it hurt?”

“A little, but…” I was trying to say that I was sure I would feel better soon, but Jó didn’t let me finish. As soon as he heard I was in pain, even though it was minimal, he lost it.

“Oh, my God, Gunni! I’m so sorry! How could I be so stupid? It’s my fault! I should’ve told you that Tjúlli doesn’t like to be touched by strangers! I should’ve told you we had a cat in the first place! I should’ve…”

“That’s enough, Jó, I’m sure Gunni’s got the message by now.” Eiri appeared beside his partner, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him fussing over me. I noticed that even though he was supposed to be scowling Jó his eyes were very gentle and caring, not angry. He also had a first aid kit in his hands, which he deposited beside me in the bed and from which he took out an anti-sceptic spray and some bandages. “Now let’s see… what has Tjúlli done to you?” I showed him my left hand. Small red dots and long scratches seemed to be spread everywhere.

“Ah, Eiri, we should’ve told him about Tjúlli last night! I can’t believe I forgot…”

“It’s ok, Jó, I’m sure Gunni understands we had other things in mind back then, right, Gunni?” I nodded in agreement and Eiri began dressing my wounds. “Tjúlli is our cat, as you’ve already noticed. He usually comes here after we feed him in the morning to take a nap. We were meant to warn you last night about it. We were also going to tell you that Tjúlli is a very anti-social cat, and that he will only allow us to touch him when he asks us to, and that he gets violent if we invade his personal space. Hum…”

“He’s a psychopath, that’s what he is.” Jó added, making us laugh. Thanks to Eiri my hand was not so sore anymore, though it was now covered in bandages.

“I can take those bandages off before today’s rehearsal, right?” I asked Eiri, realising it would be difficult to play anything with my ‘mummified’ hand, since I could barely move my fingers. My cousins looked at each other with their eyes narrowed and mouth slightly opened. I had the feeling they had forgotten that as a violinist I needed my hands to be in perfect working order at all times.

“Well, they are only small injuries, I think as soon as they stop bleeding you can take the bandages off.” Eiri answered after thinking for a while. He was right, my wounds were not deep, so I probably shouldn’t worry about them so much. They stung a little, though, and it was a bit uncomfortable.

“Shall we head for breakfast, then?” Jó asked all of a sudden, probably trying to change the subject. He got up and dashed to the door, taking his frying pan with him. “I’m waiting for you guys in the kitchen!” He shouted, disappearing through the door. I gave Eiri a questioning look and he laughed.

“Hum… let’s say Jó can’t stand dramas for too long. He’ll try to cheer you up and make you forget about your hand for the whole day now.” Eiri stopped for a second and leaned towards me until our heads were really close. He tried to make a serious face, but his lips were still slightly curved upwards. “That was a warning.”

I laughed. I didn’t know if it was what he had in mind, but I was feeling much better when I followed him to the kitchen. The stinging feeling in the wounds was almost gone as well.

(...)

“Alright. Gunni, take a seat wherever you want, breakfast is almost ready!”

Eiri and I were greeted by a very happy and enthusiastic Jó, reminding me of when I first met him at the airport. He was over the counter working on our food, gesturing towards a big wooden table in the middle of the kitchen. I sat on the right side, closest to the door, and Eiri sat on my right. While I waited for Jó to finish preparing our meal (I didn’t know what it was yet, he wouldn’t let me see it), I decided to look around the place. I hadn’t been to the kitchen yet; it was very clean, almost sparkling, with matching white cupboards, fridge and cooker. There were some flower pots on the big window to my right. On the top of the fridge there was a cute little polar bear dressed as Santa Claus, and the door to the back garden, on the wall opposite to me, had a smiley snowman holding a “Merry Christmas” sign. After a while I also noticed a small frame located in the counter where Jó was standing. Taking a closer look at the people in the picture I realised it was a photo taken during Christmas ten years ago. Grandpa was there, and so were mum, Eiri and I.

“Hey, that picture…” I pointed to the object I had been examining. Eiri smiled and promptly got up to get it for me, even though I wasn’t asking him to do so.

“You remember it, don’t you? That Christmas?” He asked, handing me the golden frame. He was speaking in a whisper, his tone gentle and reminiscent. I took the picture and saw my younger self proudly displaying my ‘new’ violin, laughing as I sat on grandpa’s lap. I didn’t know he was sick then, and probably wouldn’t have believed it if they’d told me. Grandpa’s entire face seemed to shine, he was laughing with me, holding me so that I wouldn’t fall to the ground in my excitement. Behind his chair were two women. One I recognised as being my mother, but I didn’t remember who the other one was. In front of her was the younger version of Eiri that had been so scary for me at that time. He was skinny, his hair was cut very short, and he didn’t seem at all happy to be in the picture. Looking at the two version of my cousin I was impressed by how much he had changed. It took me a while to answer him; I was remembering the day this picture was taken, the same day I played the Mozart Violin Concerto. I would never forget that day.

“Yes, I do.” I said simply, in the same gentle whisper Eiri had used. H seemed just as much lost in his memories as I was. I wondered what he remembered of that day, if it was as special to him as it was to me.

“I don’t really know why I keep this here…” he said all of a sudden, still looking at the photo “There are shitloads of pictures in the living room, but for some reason I feel like this one belongs here. I don’t know…”

I didn’t say anything, but I thought I understood him. It was an odd sort of picture to have in the kitchen, but there was something about having the whole family sitting together like this that made it fit perfectly where it was.

“Breakfast is ready, everyone!”

I looked up when I heard Jó’s voice. He had a giant bowl of food in his hands and seemed very pleased with himself. Upon hearing the warnings Eiri took the picture from my hands and put it back on its place.

“It looks good.” He commented, winking at his boyfriend. He took three small bowls from one of the cupboards and three spoons and handed them to us. Jó sat facing me, examining my reactions with a very toothy grin.

“Gunni, I don’t know what your mother used to give you for breakfast, but here we’re two healthy freaks who only eat good stuff. I hope you’ll like it.” Curious, I stood up slightly to look at the bowl’s content and was pleasantly surprised to find a very colourful fruit salad staring back at me.

“Yes, it looks very good!” I had to agree with Eiri, it looked incredibly delicious. Jó’s smile widened.

“Well, I’m glad you like it, then! Bon appetite!”

We ate until there was no more space left in our stomachs. I didn’t know it was possible to find so many colourful fruits in Iceland at this time of the year; some of them I had never eaten before. Jó told me they were mostly tropical fruits and that they were indeed very difficult to find, but not impossible. I ate three bowls and would’ve had a forth, had my stomach not complained so much.

(...)

By lunchtime my hand was feeling much better. I took the bandages off to see only small red dots were before there was a great mess of blood and scratches. My fingers were moving alright, but they stung a little in some positions. I was a bit worried that it would affect my play in the afternoon, but I said nothing to my cousins, especially Jó, in case they became overly-worried again.

I spent the rest of the morning unpacking my stuff. Because my room was also suppose to be Jó’s, some of his stuff was still there, so it was a bit harder than I had hoped to find free space, particularly in the closet. Jó had the biggest collection of clothes and shoes I’d ever seen. When I asked my cousin-in-law if I could take some of them out or move them somewhere else, he panicked and decided he was going to help me unpack to make sure I wouldn’t do any barbarities to his belongings. It was fun to see him fussing over expensive shoes and coats. He was very helpful as well, considering that at that point I was still with a bandaged hand.

Lunch was again a visual spectacle. The salad had green and purple leaves, yellow and red peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers and radish. Then there was salmon in a white sauce and potatoes. It was carefully arranged in our plates to look like the best meal I’d ever had in my life.

“Don’t get used to it, Gunni, we usually have sandwiches for lunch.” Eiri whispered in my ear before we started eating. Jó heard him, though.

“This is my way of welcoming Gunni, Eiri dear. And anyway, you’re usually at work at this time of the day, I have no reason to cook all this stuff for one person only.”

Jó had a point. During breakfast they had told me that Eiri worked for the fish industry, and that Jó wrote articles for a newspaper. That meant Jó could work at home if he wanted, but Eiri was away from nine to five. They also told me that Eiri had asked for a morning off so that he could be with me and take me to the Harpa. I felt very grateful for what they were doing, and to show that I ate everything Jó gave me. The uneasiness I felt the day before about coming here was slowly fading as I got to spend time with my cousins.

(...)

Lunch was so good we almost lost track of time. Jó talked about everything and anything, and made us laugh quite a lot as well. Eiri was mostly silent, but he asked a few questions about my life in Akureyri and my mother. When it was finally time to go Jó wanted to be sure I was well-dressed, so he chose my clothes and helped me dress up. He checked again and again if I had everything I needed. It was good to see he cared about me so much, but all his fussing made us at least twenty minutes late, so by the time I got in the car I was feeling more nervous than excited. What if I was late on my first day? What would the other musicians think? I was afraid they could get mad to the point of sacking me even before my first concert.

“Don’t worry, Gunni, we’ll work it out.”

“I don’t want to be late. They’ll think I’m irresponsible.”

“I don’t think so. They probably know you arrived in Reykjavík yesterday. It’s not like that gives you a lot of time to prepare yourself.”

What my cousin said made sense. But still, they probably had a lot of expectations built on me, if the interviews for TV and newspapers were anything to go by. I didn’t want to disappoint them.

To make things worse, not long after Eiri had tried to calm me down we got stuck in traffic. When the clock ticked one o’clock, the time the rehearsal was suppose to start, I was sitting in a car lost in a never-ending line of similar vehicles. Eiri did his best to cheer me up, but when one o’clock became half past one there was no way it would work. I had already lost half an hour. They were probably mad at me by now.

Finally we were moving. The reason there was so much traffic in the area was because there had been an accident in the road and it was partially closed. As soon as we passed the smashed cars the traffic was back to normal and we made our way to the Harpa. Or so I thought. Eiri took a wrong turn somewhere and it took us another fifteen minutes to get back on track. By the time we finally arrived at the place my hearth was jumping manically from my throat to my stomach in anxiety and shame. I said goodbye to my cousin and ran as fast as I could to the rehearsal room. Thankfully I knew where it was because I had passed by it on my way to the audition, but the room was still considerably far from the entrance, so I was panting by the time I got there. I was so anxious I didn’t stop to recover my breath; I just opened the door and came in.

The people inside all turned to look at me, and then most of them came towards me. They didn’t seem to be angry, though. Gummi was the first to reach me and shake my hand.

“Oh, Gunni, it’s good to see you again!” He beamed. The people around him looked at me expectantly. I noticed there were many young-looking people there, which lifted my spirit a bit.

“I’m sorry I’m so late, Gummi, but there was an accident on the road and…”

“Ah, don’t worry! We understand!” said a man who was getting particularly close to me. He wore glasses and his blond hair was very short, somewhat spiky. “We don’t really mind having to wait for you for an hour. We actually had fun trying to guess what had happened to you, so…”

“Dmitri, don’t be so rude! You have to introduce yourself before you speak!” A woman beside him said, rolling her eyes. She was a bit shorter than him, but not by much, and had her long blond hair tied in two pigtails. She playfully punched her friend’s shoulder and looked at me, smiling somewhat creepily. “Hi, my name is Karen Stephansdóttir, I am the principal flute, and this is my friend Dmitri Miroslavich Kovlov, the principal oboe. Welcome to the ISO, you’re one of us now!” She made a gesture stretching her arm outwards, like she was showing me that the space we were in, and by association the whole ISO, was now mine too.

“Hi Gunni, I’m Ander Kristophersson, but everyone calls me Santa. I’m the assistant leader. Nice to meet you.” After Karen spoke, I shook hands with a man that really looked like Santa Claus. He had the belly, the beard and the voice. I could picture him dressed in Santa’s clothes, with the hat covering his bald head, smiling and giving presents to children.

“Hi, nice to meet you too!”

After that most of my colleagues introduced themselves to me. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to remember all their names easily, but it didn’t seem to bother them. Apart from Santa, Karen and Dmitri, a few others stood out to me: two identical twins from Japan who spoke Icelandic with a very bad accent, and a timpani player who had dyed his fringe purple. I didn't know we were allowed to do things like that. Gísli was his name, and he spoke really loudly.

We walked towards the centre of the room where our chairs, stands and instruments were, and it was only then that I noticed I hadn’t yet met all the musicians. Dmitri, who was walking closest to me, saw who I was looking at and hurried to make the last introduction.

“And this is Siggi, our principal cello.” He said. The man in question looked at me when he heard his name, and I immediately felt my face heat up. It was not like what had happened when I first saw Eiri, though, nor was it anything related to my run to the auditorium. My heart stopped when I looked at him, and then resumed beating at a much accelerated speed. Siggi was gorgeous. He was the tallest in the whole room, some twenty centimetres taller than me; his dark hair came up to his hips, tamed in a ponytail; and his eyes were the darkest blue I’d ever seen. Everything in him seemed to be big: his hands, his hair, his eyes; but he was also very, very thin, even more so than Jó. I knew I was probably blushing more than ever, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t stop staring at him, taking in every detail of his body.

“H-Hi.” was the only thing I was able to say.

Siggi’s enchanting blue eyes suddenly became even darker. I sensed the hostility coming from him instants before he spoke for the first time. “Hi, replacement. Enjoy your stay with us, but feel free to go crying to mama if you suddenly figure you can’t cope with being a professional. I certainly wouldn’t mind.”

His words hurt. I had felt relieved when my boss and most of my colleagues didn’t make a great deal of my lateness, but with Siggi I realised not everyone was like that. He represented my worst fear coming through: that I was just kid, that I had no right to be there. But more than that, after how my body reacted to the cellist’s presence, it was painful to hear so much hatred coming from him. Even if he believed I was just a kid, there was no reason for so much contempt. I had done nothing to him, we had barely spoken to each other, and yet…

“Siggi, watch your mouth. I will not tolerate verbal abuse towards your colleagues, do you hear me?” Fortunately Gummi stepped in before any of us could say anything else. He looked genuinely angry, and the other musicians seemed outraged as well. It did something to make me feel better, but it couldn’t get rid of the pain in my chest. “I’m sorry, Gunni. Siggi is having a few personal problems and taking it out on other people. I’ll make sure he doesn’t do that anymore.”

Siggi didn’t answer him, just nodded his head and turned towards the instruments. He sat down and we slowly followed. They gave me the programme (a selection of pieces fitting the theme of Tragic Love) and we started playing. My hand stung a bit in certain places, but it didn't affect my overall performance. I was nervous at the beginning, but the more we played the more confident I felt. It was really a great feeling to be playing surrounded by so many people. The five hours of rehearsal passed in a blur, lifting my mood and making me feel good again. I was able to sit down and just play until my hand hurt too much, when Gummi called for a brake and I had to tell everyone about the furry psychopath my cousins had at home. I also tried to ignore Siggi as much as I could, but it was difficult when he was sitting in front of me (he had no problems ignoring me, though). Santa, who was sitting on my side, seemed to be taken by my performance while we were playing, but I only heard about what the others thought once it was all over.

“You know, we were afraid you would have some difficulty fitting in.” Kjartan the harpist told me as we left the rehearsal room. “But it seems you’ll do alright. Are you ready for the concert on Thursday?”

“I think so, yes.” It was a bit intimidating having your first rehearsal on Tuesday when a concert was due in two days, but after the last five hours I felt like I could do anything.

“That’s good to hear. You played really well.”

“Thank you.” I was blushing again, I knew it. Kjartan chuckled, probably making me even redder. We soon arrived in the car park, though, and went in opposite directions. I had to wait for Eiri to pick me up.

“Hey, Gunni!” I heard Karen calling. She came towards me, followed closely by Dmitri. “Do you want to hang out with us for a bit? You know, friendly bonding and that stuff?”

“Erm… sorry, I don’t want to be rude or anything, but my cousin said he would pick me up and I already promised I would go with him and…” I felt extremely embarrassed. I wanted to hang out with them, get to know them, but I also wanted to be with Eiri and Jó tonight and thank them for everything they had done for me since yesterday. I didn’t want my colleagues to think I didn’t want to be with them or be their friend, but I wasn’t sure I was getting my point across. Thankfully they just smiled.

“Ok, no worries. There’ll be other opportunities, right?” Karen looked expectantly at me, then eyed Dmitri suspiciously. The urge to be nice to them won against the bad feeling I had about their exchange, though.

“Yes, sure!”

“Well, see you tomorrow then.”

And they left. When they got in their car I noticed Siggi was with them. I wondered if they were close friends and my chest hurt a little, but that feeling faded when I thought of other, happier things, like the last five hours.

(...)

Eiri didn’t take long to arrive. I greeted him enthusiastically, but I soon noticed he seemed to be worried about something. “Is there anything wrong?”

“Depends on how you see it, I guess…” Eiri wasn’t looking at me. He had his eyes fixed on the road and his voice was somewhat colder than usual. “Mum invited us to dinner tonight. She wants to see you.” As soon as he said that my heart sunk. I had a feeling I knew where this conversation was going. “She’s still mad about you staying with me, and I think she’ll try to make you live with her. Look, Gunni, she is not a bad person, not really. I know she’s only trying to help, but your mum and I both agree it would be difficult for you to stay with her. Aunt Lilla wanted you to be with me, and I’ve accepted that responsibility. So, please, whatever happens, don’t do it.”

“You don’t need to ask me that.” After all he and Jó had done, there was no way I would leave them. He seemed really worried that somehow I would, though, so I thought I should stress my feelings to make him feel better. “I had a great day today, you and Jó are really good people. There’s no way I’m leaving, you don’t need to worry about it.”

Eiri smiled. I could almost see the metaphorical huge weights been lifted from his shoulders. He was silent for a few more minutes, but then his worried tone was back. “There is something else, we talked about it yesterday. I hate myself for making you lie, but I need you to tell mum that you and Jó are ok sharing the room and that there’s more than enough space for both of you there.”

I had almost forgotten about that conversation. So many things had happened during the day that last night’s talk about how my cousins had been hiding their relationship for the past two years simply vanished from my mind. Of course I would do as they asked, even if it did make me feel bad too. I still didn’t understand why they were doing this, but it was not my place to out Eiri and possibly destroy his relationship with his mother.

“I’ll do it, Eiri, don’t worry. I just…”

“You just…?”

“I still don’t understand how you guys can cope with it. I don’t think I would ever be able to do it.”

“Talk to Jó. It’s harder on him than on me, I think he can explain it better than I ever could.” I believed him; it wasn’t so hard after what I had seen of their personalities and interactions, so I didn’t ask anything else. As we arrived on Aunt Margret’s doorstep I could only think of two things: help my cousins as much as I could and ask as many questions as Jó would be willing to answer when we got back.