The Orchestra - Sinfónia Lifsins - 21. Out for Christmas

I didn’t dare tell Jó or Eiri anything about the events at the dress rehearsal, and for the first time ever I didn’t want to tell mum either. What I had seen Kresten do to Siggi and Dmitri scared me so much I dreaded thinking about him; there was just no way I would be able to speak out without feeling sick again, at least until the concert was over. I felt badly for hiding such a serious thing from everyone, but I would feel worse if I had to talk about it.

At dinner that night my cousins were very excited about our Christmas Concert. We were going to play traditional carols with a choir and some well-known Christmas tunes with six soloists. Even Aunt Margrét had promised to come along.

“Are you going to dress up for the occasion?” Jó asked, smiling broadly. I had just told them that Christmas concerts were usually more relaxed and informal because of the festive season.

“We will be wearing red shirts and Christmas hats. Dmitri suggested dressing the other first violins as the Yule Lads and me as an elf, but Gummi thought it would be too much,” I answered, blushing at the memory. The Yule Lads were pranksters from Iceland folklore that nowadays had been turned into our local version of Santa Claus. Originally they were believed to be mischievous beings that liked to harass the local population (they even had a cat that ate children who didn’t get new clothes before Christmas), but the modern tradition changed their roles slightly: now they come in the thirteen days before Christmas, one each day, and leave gifts to good children or potatoes to bad ones. Since there were thirteen Yule Lads and fourteen first violins, Dmitri thought it would be nice to make our whole section ‘in character’.

“You would certainly look cute as an elf.” Eiri laughed and shared a look with his husband that said they had both just imagined it. I blushed even harder. “Maybe we should buy you an elf costume for your birthday…”

“Er…” I tried to say, but my cousins started laughing at the idea and didn’t listen. It took a while for Jó to have mercy and speak to me again.

Dmitri approached me as soon as I entered the Harpa. He acted scarily like a bodyguard, walking by my side while attentively surveying our surroundings.

“What is going on?” I asked, even though I had enough hints to make a safe guess. I didn’t want to say it out loud, though; things would seem much worse if I did.

“We’re watching over you and Siggi just in case,” Dmitri answered, smiling brightly despite the circumstances, or maybe because of the circumstances. He had been good at cheering me up before; he was probably trying to do the same now. “It’s very unlikely that Kresten will try to hit on you on performance night with so much stuff going on, so you don’t need to worry much.”

“But if you decided you needed to be watching me doesn’t it mean I should be worried?” I asked, feeling butterflies jump around my stomach for all the wrong reasons.

“Well…” Dmitri left his answer hanging in the air, like he was trying to come up with a new argument on the spot. “Kresten knows if he tries anything against you and you speak out, everyone will believe you more than him.”

“But they won’t believe Siggi.” And this whole thing was so messed up I was starting to feel sick again. Thankfully Dmitri noticed it and tried to change the subject.

“Siggi’s case is a bit different. It’s definitely a fucked up thing, but it will be over soon, so you don’t need to worry about it. Just focus on the concert and your adoring fans and let us take care of the rest!”

“Ok.” I sighed. We entered the Concert Hall and he guided me all the way to the stage, without passing through the warm-up room. The audience was chatting and I saw Jó waving at me from his place at the back. Eiri was by his side, between his husband and his mother. Aunt Margrét didn’t seem particularly excited to be there, but it could be because the concert hadn’t started yet and she was a bit bored.

The stage filled up slowly with musicians dressed in their shiny red shirts and funny Santa hats. Jokes were whispered about Santa, the violinist, and how he should spend the interval distributing gifts to little children. At some point during the jokes, I realised that Kresten and the other soloists would be sitting at the side of the stage, waiting for their turn to sing, which meant he would be facing me for a considerable portion of the concert (he would be partially hidden behind the cellos and double basses, but still visible enough to make me slightly nauseous). I felt his scary gaze on me, so intense it seemed he was trying to burn my skin. Or maybe my clothes.

I felt really sick then; and for a moment I thought I was going to vomit on stage in front of one of our biggest audience. Thankfully, Santa tapped my shoulder just then, distracting me long enough to bring me back to my senses.

“Maybe you should stand up now, everyone seems ready,” my stand partner told me. As principal first violin, it was my duty to indicate when the orchestra should tune their instruments by standing up and nodding to the principal oboe. My job also included indicating when everyone else should stand up for the applause, being the messenger between the conductor and my entire section, and, so I was told, replacing the conductor in case they dropped dead during a concert. This was why usually only very experienced violinists got the job; but because I was so new to everything, Santa had taken to helping me get the hang of it.

“Thank you. We’ll start, then.” I managed to smile faintly to Santa, who nodded in approval. When I stood, Dmitri was already prepared; he had probably been watching me the whole time. My boyfriend smiled confidently and played the first tuning note, to which all the woodwinds answered. He didn’t take his eyes off me when he played the second tuning note for the brass, and by the time he played to tune the strings I was feeling much calmer and ready to face Kresten.

During the concert, all soloists were positioned in front of Gummi in a single file, with Kresten standing right beside me. Thanks to Dmitri’s silent encouragement, however, I managed to ignore him as much as possible. During the interval I talked briefly to Eiri and Aunt Margrét, and once the concert was over for good I tried to leave as soon as possible, but Kresten caught up to Dmitri and I in the backrooms.

“Hi there, that was a great concert,” he greeted us, sounding friendly enough, though because I knew what he was like it only made him all the more terrifying. Dmitri squeezed my hand and answered him with a very toothy grin.

“Yeah, as good as always. Well done.”

“We should celebrate.” He inched closer, but Dmitri discreetly stepped between him and I to make up for it. His warm hand was still firmly clasped on mine.

“Sorry, we have plans already,” my boyfriend replied nonchalantly, though a bit louder than usual. There was no one else in this particular corner.

“It’s not a problem. I can accommodate and improve any plans of yours, particularly if the little guy is involved.” Kresten lunged his body forward towards me, and for a moment I thought he was going to grab me and take me away. As soon as this thought occurred to me, however, Dmitri blocked Kresten’s path with his own body. His hands held the tenor by his shoulders, even though Kresten was almost twice his size.

“Nah, I don’t think Gunni is up for it. I would certainly be glad to join you in that overpriced hotel room of yours, but unfortunately my boyfriend asked me first, so…”

“I still think the three of us could have lots of fun in my hotel,” Kresten answered, not giving up his attempt to reach me. Even though my brain screamed that I should run and call someone, my legs had frozen on the spot; they were working hard just to keep me standing.

“I don’t think you get my point, Kresten…”

He didn’t. The next thing I saw was Dmitri’s body being dragged towards the tenor for a forceful kiss on the mouth. He held the oboist’s hands down and pressed his body against the wall. I wanted to shout for help, but the terror spreading over my body nullified my vocal chords as well as my legs. Incapable of moving or doing anything, it wouldn’t be long until Kresten was done with Dmitri and went for his next target…

“Kresten! There you are! I was looking for you!” Kjartan called, appearing so suddenly I thought he had been specially summoned to save my life. Kresten was forced to leave my boyfriend slumped against the wall to greet the newcomer.

“What do you want?” he asked, obviously angry for having his fun interrupted. Kjartan kept his face neutral, barely acknowledging mine or Dmitri’s presence.

“Gummi is treating all of tonight’s soloists to a special drinks round at the bar. Come join us.”

“I don’t think I want to drink right now.”

“Gummi insists. You and Dmitri can have your fun afterwards, when you are both keen to get it going.” Something in the harpist’s tone must have set off alarm bells in Kresten’s head, because he finally agreed, though rather reluctantly, to get away from us. Kjartan led him through the corridor, turning back briefly to nod at Dmitri.

“See, I told you we would never let something happen to you!” My boyfriend exclaimed, slowly getting back to his feet after being unceremoniously dropped to the ground. Fortunately, he didn’t seem hurt.

“So Kjartan knew…” I asked, confused and relieved it was finally over.

“He probably suspected it. I don’t think he ever liked Kresten all that much.” Dmitri opened his arms, asking for a hug. I nodded and was soon embraced by his warmth, the last remaining thing I needed to feel safe and happy again. “Now let’s get you back to your family before he sneaks back.”

Eiri, Jó, and Aunt Margrét were waiting for us in the lobby. My aunt was holding her son’s arm tightly, like she was trying to protect him from Jó. She didn’t seem to be in the best of moods. When Dmitri saw Eiri he smiled widely and waved, calling him halfway across the room.

“Hi, gorgeous! Long time no see!” he shouted, running to greet my cousin. He hugged Eiri and kissed his cheek, making Aunt Margrét’s grumpy face become horror-stricken. I tried to find a way of telling Dmitri to shut up before things got worse, but I couldn’t think of anything that didn’t involve me saying ‘please don’t say anything anymore because my aunt is very homophobic and she is going to hate you if you do anything else’, so I ended up saying nothing. I realised I should’ve talked to my boyfriend about it as soon as I knew there was a chance of him meeting Aunt Margrét, but it was already too late. “Did you enjoy the concert?”

“Yes… yes, I did…” Eiri answered, all colour slowly draining from his face. Jó was also petrified, and Aunt Margrét seemed ready to storm the place, but Dmitri didn’t notice any of it because he still had his arms around my cousin’s neck.

“I’m glad. It was fun for us too.” Dmitri finally let go, and his eyes fell on Aunt Margrét for the first time. “Hi. I don’t know you. Who are you?” he asked her with a perfectly straight face. His blunt questions probably made my aunt even angrier, because she answered in the scariest tone I had even heard coming out of her mouth.

“I am Eiríkur’s mother. Who are you?”

Eiri, Jó, and I looked at Dmitri with the most alarming faces we could muster without making it too obvious to Aunt Margrét, but unfortunately he didn’t get the message. “I’m Gunni’s boyfriend. The name’s Dmitri. Nice to meet you.” He offered his hand for her to shake, but judging by my aunt’s reaction he could’ve been trying to bite her. Upon hearing the word ‘boyfriend’, her grip on Eiri tightened and she jumped back, assuming a threatening stance.

“Boyfriend?” she asked, horrified. Only then Dmitri realised something was not right, but instead of backing down he narrowed his eyes and puffed out his chest.

“Yes. Problem?”

“You turned my nephew into a poof! Pervert!” Aunt Margrét tried to hit my boyfriend, but Dmitri got out of the way and grinned triumphantly. The rest of us were too stunned to move or speak.

“I won’t deny the second accusation, but I have to say I haven’t turned Gunni into anything. In fact, I make a point of not forcing him to do anything because, you know, that’s what healthy relationships are like.” Dmitri had no way of knowing how Aunt Margrét’s relationship with her son worked, but his remark hit her like a slap in the face. Eiri was also taken aback, and Jó and I wanted to hide and hope this whole scene would be over soon.

“How dare you speak to me like that? Has your sodomy taken away your manners?”

“Actually, I have plenty of manners, I just don’t see the point in wasting them on someone who’s trying to insult me by calling me something I’m proud of.” His eyes narrowed even more and he lowered his head until his eyes were level with Aunt Margrét’s. “Gunni and I are a couple. Get over it.”

“I cannot stand any of you homosexual scum in my family,” Aunt Margrét spat. Dmitri stepped back and immediately looked towards Eiri. My cousin looked like he was about to have a heart attack. Dmitri nodded almost imperceptibly to him, but Eiri didn’t relax in the slightest. Thankfully his mother was too caught up in her hatred to see any of that.

“Too bad. Gunni’s your nephew like it or not. And quite frankly, that ‘homosexual scum’ is a lot nicer than you. I think you’re the one who needs some lessons on basic human decency.”

“Go to hell! Don’t you dare speak to me again!” Aunt Margrét shouted, grabbing Eiri with even more force and urging him away. Jó followed, worried, and I glanced at my boyfriend looking for some clue of what to do next.

“You should go with your cousin. I’m sorry, Gunni, I didn’t know you had these kinds of homophobes in this country too. I hope you won’t get in trouble,” Dmitri said, hugging me tightly. I felt slightly more relaxed.

“It’s ok. I should’ve told you about Aunt Margrét.” I moved closer to him, and he enveloped me in a comforting hug. “I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for everything today, though.”

“You’re welcome.” Dmitri kissed my forehead and I hurried to meet with Eiri at the car park. Aunt Margrét refused to talk to me the whole way home, and when Eiri dropped her off she demanded that he stay with her. My cousin couldn’t disobey her, so Jó and I went home on our own.

“I hope Eiri is all right.” Jó sighed, looking at the wall clock for the third time in five minutes. My cousin had been gone for more than an hour; it was getting late and we were more and more certain something had gone terribly wrong. Jó and I sat on the living room couch, eyes glued to the window hoping Eiri would appear in the next second. Even Tjúlli realised something was not right; he jumped on Jó’s lap and let his owner pet him relentlessly like a furry stress ball. When we finally saw Eiri approaching our front garden, it was almost one in the morning.

“Eiri! I’m so glad you are back!” Jó shouted, hugging his partner as soon as he crossed the front door. “How are you feeling?” Jó took Eiri to the living room, where he made him sit beside him on the couch. I moved to the armchair next to them and Tjúlli immediately jumped on my lap. The cat watched my cousins intensely, like he knew they were suffering and it made him worried.

“I almost made the worst decision of my life,” Eiri blurted out, running his hands through his dishevelled hair. Jó hugged him tightly. “I wanted to shout at her and tell everything. She was saying such horrible things; I wanted to make her shut up somehow…”

“It’s ok. It’s over now,” Jó said, still with his body practically glued to Eiri’s.

“She doesn’t want to talk to Gunni anymore. She was trying to convince me to force him out. She wanted him gone and didn’t care where he ended up.”

“Well, she didn’t seem to like me much before anyway…” I argued, wishing I could do something to make Eiri feel better. Tjúlli purred in sympathy and caressed my hand with his head. I petted the cat absent-mindedly until I left the armchair, and the furry psychopath didn’t try to bite me even once.

“But still. One little thing changed about you, and now she thinks you are as good as dead,” Eiri answered. He rested his head in his hands, throwing his body towards Jó for support. “She kept saying how she was disappointed in you, how disgusting you were, and how I should get rid of you before something happened to me.”

“Isn’t it what she always says?” Jó asked, also looking for a way to comfort his partner.

“She always says that about you. We’re used to that now,” Eiri agreed, though he didn’t seem any less distraught. “But you’re supposed to be just a housemate I have to help pay the mortgage. Gunni is her family; someone we’ve known since birth, even if we didn’t speak for ten years.”

Jó and I didn’t know what to say to that. We understood very well what Eiri meant: if Aunt Margrét could be like this with her family, what would keep her from turning on Eiri too if he was ever found out? He was scared for his future and so were we.

Aunt Margrét returned to haunt me in my dreams.