Finding Alex - 7. Chapter 7

Sacha was nervous, as he climbed the last few steps and passed Lacey, stepping into the room. He froze. It was enormous, seeming to stretch the whole length of the house. Four dormer windows along one side of the ‘L’ shaped room, let sunlight stream in, setting the warm wood floors alight.

“I’m sorry it’s so bare. We didn’t know what you’d like so we just moved a few pieces up from downstairs. We can go shopping when you’ve settled in a bit.”

Sacha blinked at her, barely hearing what she said. Bare? Tables, chairs and sofas were scattered through the room. At one end a little cluster was gathered around an enormous flat screen television.

“There’s a fridge over there and snacks in the sideboard. You’re going to have to venture out on kitchen raids now and again because, of course, the staff can’t get up here to re stock.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Still not sinking in.

“The doors over there,” She indicated toward the long wall opposite the windows, are for the bathroom and two bedrooms. You can choose which one you want, and the other can be a for your friends, when you make some. The one in the middle connects to the bathroom but, personally, I like the one on the end best. It has a much nicer shape and a bigger window. It’s got a balcony but I wouldn’t go out there much if I were you. It overlooks the stables and it stinks. It’s fine with the window open,” she hastened to add.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Don’t open that door,” Lacey said, nodding to the final door in the room, right at the end beyond the television. “That’s where we stuffed all the things we used to keep in here. It took ages to fix up the room for you.”

“Oh. I.... Thank you.”

“No problem. It was fun. Come see this.”

Lacey took his hand and led him to a large indent in the wall, right at the end of the room. He was faced with enormous, floor to ceiling windows. Lacey threw the windows open and disappeared. Hesitantly, Sacha followed her, and found himself on a balcony. It took him a few moments to realise he was on top of the porch and, with a shock, that his room did not, in fact, stretch the whole length of the house after all.

Lacey shivered. “It’s chilly. You wouldn’t think it was June.”

Obediently, Sacha followed Lacey back inside and back toward the door. “Is it okay for you?”Lacey asked. “It’s not very homely, really.”

“It…it’s…. Um, it’s….”

“Well, we can make it more yours in time. I’ve finished uni for the holidays and I’m going to spend a couple of weeks here, to help you settle in. We can go shopping in a couple of days. Luke is coming down next week and he can give us a more masculine perspective. I warn you, though; he hates shopping.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly realizing what her words said. “I’m separating you and Luke.”

“He has to work. He’s still on probation, but he only has two weeks left before he’s done and he can take a couple of weeks off before he starts his new position. He’s going to work for Dad, well, in Dad’s department at the met. We’re looking for apartments in the City, so we won’t be far away. You can come visit and we’ll show you around London.”

“London? Oh. Okay.”

Lacey’s smile turned soft. “It’s all a bit much isn’t it. You’re overwhelmed right now.”

Sacha nodded, not able to smile. Unexpectedly, Lacey hugged him. “You’ll be alright. We’re all here for you. You’ll have loads of fun exploring the house and gardens. Do you ride?”

Sacha shook his head.

“Never mind. I’ll teach you if you want. There’s no feeling like riding across the hills, with the wind in your hair. It feels like flying. So free.”

Sacha liked the sound of that and he nodded eagerly.

“Good. It’s a date. We’ll start tomorrow. Just introducing you to the horses. Why don’t you relax for a bit? Dinner’s at seven thirty, but you can come down whenever you’re ready.”

“Come down? Where?”

“The dining room,” she said, then laughed and shook her head. “You weren’t listening to a word I said, were you.” He shook his head. “It’s the last door on the right, under the stairs. It’s next to the kitchen, which is the middle door. The door on the left is the terrace room. I’ll show you that one later. I think you’ll like it.”

“Okay. Who…who’s here? I mean…who will be there for dinner?”

“Just me and Dad, tonight. Adam and Amy are coming in a couple of days and James will be home on Thursday.”

“James’ my brother, too, right? He’s younger.”

“Yes, he’s fifteen. That’s why he’s a bit later than usual coming home from school. He’s been doing exams.”

“Oh. Okay. I think it will be nice to have a younger brother.”

“Um. Yeah. Um, James’…. Don’t be surprised if he’s a bit…hostile to start. He’s jealous of all the attention.”

“Jealous? Of me?”

“A little. He’ll get over it. He’ll love you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“I swear if you say that one more time I’ll slap you.”

Startled, Sacha took a step backward. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s another one that’s going to earn you a slap. Oh don’t look at me like that. I was teasing.”

Sacha relaxed a little, feeling confused. He was totally out of his depth here. The whole dynamic was so different to anything he’d experienced before, and the house…!

“Try to relax for a little while. Have a bath. There are lots of bubble baths and salts and stuff in there. I tried not to make it too girly. It might relax you. There are plenty of clothes to choose from. We don’t dress for dinner so wear whatever you feel comfortable in.” Lacey surprised him again when she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Try not to be scared by all of this. You’ll get used to it, I promise, and you’re absolutely safe here. Dad has all kinds of security. No one’s going to get in here. No one. Okay?”

Sacha smiled and nodded, even though he didn’t believe her – about anything.

It was a great relief to close the door on Lacey and put his back to it. Don’t be afraid, she said. Try to relax. No way that was going to happen. Christ, he was in a mansion, a fucking mansion. He’d been to some big houses before, to ‘parties’, but never one as big as this, and he was supposed to try to be at home here? Not going to happen. Not ever.

Sacha walked around the room, brushing things with his fingertips. He located a soda and sipped as he wandered. He sat down on the sofa near the television and toyed with the idea of watching something mindless, like he had back home when he was feeling edgy. Back home? What brought that thought into his head? It wasn’t his home. It had never been his home. It didn’t even exist anymore.

Trying to divert the waves of anguish that brought tears to his eyes, he switched on the television with the remote control lying on the table in front of him. It didn’t work. The screen wasn’t blank but it seemed to be showing the starting screen of some kind of game. Oh hell. A cursory examination found just about every gaming machine he could think of a name for, and more. Cupboards at the sides of the television contained DVD’s and games. Oh, hell no. He couldn’t handle any more.

Switching off the television, he wandered again, until his feet took him to the window and out onto the balcony. It was nice out here; cold, but beautiful. The sun was sinking but still had a way to go before it hit the horizon and, in the meantime it was high and bright, lighting a landscape that was immaculately kept lawns sloping gently down to the wall, then rolling hills on the other side. Everything was green and the air smelled of mown grass and sunshine.

There were two chairs on the balcony. Made of metal to match the fancy balustrade, they were, nevertheless, deeply and comfortably upholstered. Sacha sank into one with a sigh. He closed his eyes. It was warm and still and sweet. At last, for the first time in weeks he felt at peace.

Sacha could have stayed there, on the balcony for hours and, indeed had started to doze, but a cold wind, sweeping across the front of the house, made him shiver. He opened his eyes. There were clouds over the sun and it was cold. He sighed. Why was the weather so unpredictable in this stupid country? One day he was going to live somewhere warm, like the south of France, or Greece; maybe even Florida. When it was hot there it was hot, not unable to make up its mind like the UK. Hot one minute; raining the next.

Shivering, Sacha retreated indoors and closed the window. For good measure, he pulled the curtains across. They were beautiful – thick, chocolate coloured velvet. There were more on the other windows. He took a moment moving from window to window, closing curtains, rubbing his cheek against the soft material. As he closed the last one, the first rain clouds drifted across the sun and turned the evening grey. It would be a while before it started raining but he could already feel it, taste the metallic flavour in the air.

After a quick search for the light switch, and another shock when lights came on all over the room, he found himself at a loose end again. Strangely reluctant to use anything in the room, he remembered what Lacey had said about taking a bath. He was still cold and a bath seemed like a very good idea.

Sacha had forgotten which door Lacey had said led to the bathroom. He started with the nearest door, the one on the far right. It led into a bedroom. It was enormous. Not as big as the living room but still the biggest bedroom he’d ever seen. It was dominated by an enormous, sleigh bed, covered in chocolate brown leather, complimented by the cream and brown bed-linen. The colour scheme was repeated through the room and, no doubt it would have been warm and inviting if it hadn’t abeen so big.

Beating a hasty retreat, Sacha tried the middle door, feeling something like Alice in Wonderland. This room was just as big, and just as brown, but there were two beds and, although they were much bigger than the one he was used to, at least they weren’t huge. Feeling less intimidated, Sacha entered the room and closed the door. The beds were set either side of a floor-to-ceiling window and he wandered over to look out. It did, indeed overlook a stable yard. He’d never seen one before and watched for a while, as the horses nodded and bobbed over the half doors of their stables, and someone in wellies washed down the yard with a hose.

As he watched, the person in wellies glanced up and must have seen him, because they waved. Horrified, Sacha pulled back and hid behind the curtains. When he dared peep again, the person, and he couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl, as they wore a slate grey coverall and cap, was working again, their back to the window. Sacha hovered between longing for them to look up again and dreading they would. He didn’t know why, but having contact with someone else, someone outside the crazy new family he’d found himself belonging to, was terrifying and comforting at the same time.

Feeling let down, Sacha sat on the bed and looked around. Apart from the bed there were two wardrobes, two bedside tables, two desks and a couple of upholstered chairs. The furniture wasn’t new but it glowed from long care. Everything in the room looked expensive. It was too good for him.

The bed was ridiculously soft and he bounced experimentally. It felt comfortable. He thought about lying down but was pretty sure, if he did so he’d fall asleep, so he thought he’d explore the bathroom instead. Having a bath seemed like a better and better idea all the time. He liked bathing, although he pretty much always had a cold, or at best luke-warm one. He always let the little ones go first and they took all the water. He had a feeling that wouldn’t be a problem here.

Sacha opened the door and stepped inside. His mind blanked out on him; he just couldn’t handle the whiteness, the enormous round bath set under a long window, the round sinks, two on either side, the room-sized walk in shower, and why on earth would they want two toilets.

As if in a dream, Sacha wandered about, running his hands over cold marble, turning taps on and off, staring at the nozzles in the shower. He spent a lot time staring at the nozzles in the shower. At one point, he closed the door and sat on the tiled seat, staring at the wall. It was the only part of the bathroom that wasn’t white. It looked as if it was made of a glossy, green kind of stone, shot through with gold. It was beautiful, mesmerising. He could handle the stone. It was okay to look at it. It didn’t overwhelm him. If he just stared at the stone for a while, run his hands over its slight roughness, he’d be okay.

Gradually, he came back to his senses, to find himself huddled on the floor in the shower, with his knees drawn up. Taking a deep breath, he got to his feet and stepped out of the shower. The whiteness assailed him, but it was okay, he could handle it now.

Tentatively, Sacha turned on the tap in the bath and water gushed out. It only took moments to heat up. It was so hot it hurt his hand when he thrust it into the stream. Suddenly excited by the prospect of having a hot bath, Sacha turned on the cold water also, figuring it would be quicker, and looked around for something that would make bubbles. She’d said there would be bubbles and the thought of a bubble bath was deliciously decadent. Of course, the whole bathroom was decadent but bubbles were on his level. Bubbles were something he could get excited about.

After testing out a few of the bottles in the rack, he chose one that smelled of mint and citrus. It said ‘Foaming bath’ on the label and he figures foam must mean bubbles so he poured a generous measure into the tub and watched fascinated as the water frothed, clouds of tiny bubbled forming and expanding.

“Better get my clothes off,” he said, feeling better at the sound of a voice, even though it was his own.

The bath was amazing. Sacha had to climb steps to get into it, and when he lay down the water was up to his chest and he had to blow bubbles out of his face. God it felt good. Sacha closed his eyes and sank under the water so he was entirely submerged. If it hadn’t been for the need to breathe he would have been happy to stay there, with his hair floating like pondweed and the water making his ears pop.

He couldn’t stay there, though, and had to surface again, with a swoosh of water, which almost sloshed over the edge of the bath. Startled, he froze. He had to be careful. What would happen if he spilled water on the floor and it went through the ceiling underneath? Sacha looked up at the smooth, white ceiling and shuddered. He didn’t want to even think about it.

Lying still, he sighed and closed his eyes, letting the hot water relax him totally. He very nearly fell asleep, to wake with a start as he started to slide under the water. Sacha chuckled to himself. If that psychiatrist was here she’d try to make out he was trying to drown himself.

After relaxing for a while longer, the thought occurred that he had no idea how long he’d been in the bath. Panic gripped him. What if he was late for dinner? He scrambled to get out of the bath, sloshing water as he did so, and almost slipped on the steps. Pausing to mop up the water with one of the huge white towels he’d found hanging over the edge of the bath, and taking a minute to panic over the dirt that clung to it, he hurried into the other room in search of a clock.

He didn’t find a clock in the living room, but struck gold in the bedroom. He was so relieved, it was still only half past seven he collapsed on one of the beds. A few minutes later, he realized he was wet from the bath and panicked again that he’d wet the covers, especially the pillow, which had soaked water from his hair. Dammit. That was the last time he was going to take a bath for a while. It was too dangerous. Too many ways to screw up.

Sacha remembered Lacey had told him there were clean clothes for him and he looked in the drawers. They were empty. For a moment, he was disappointed, then realized Lacey would have expected him to use the other room. A cursory search found drawers stuffed with all kinds of things, from pyjamas, to underwear, to jeans. The wardrobe contained suits and dress shirts, and it had a whole section with nothing but shoes.

Grabbing a random selection of clothes, Sacha hurried back into the bathroom. First, he emptied the bath and carefully cleaned it with a rag and bath cleaner he found under one of the sinks, Then he decided he’d better wash his hair. The shower confused him. There were so many knobs and buttons. He stepped in, pushed what looked like a start button and an intense burst of cold water dropped onto his head from the enormous shower-head. He stepped backwards fast, and sat down heavily when the seat hit the back of his legs.

“Ouch.” After studying the buttons more carefully he managed to get the water spray to be less intense and considerably warmer. Selecting a mint shampoo, he hurriedly washed and rinsed his hair. In an attempt to blindly turn off the water, he pressed a new button and jets of water shot out of the wall. It scared the heck out of him and he stifled a girly squeal.

Finally out of the shower, Sacha rubbed at his hair with a towel until it was fairly dry, then located a brush in one of the drawers and brushed it thoroughly. Not having time to properly dry his hair, Sacha braided it so it wouldn’t drip down his back. He caught sight of himself in the mirror. He couldn’t help it; they were everywhere.

A pale boy, with red hair and weird eyes stared back at him. Sacha knew he was good looking, even beautiful; he’d been told often enough by enough people. He didn’t really see it himself. He thought he was too thin, too angular and too girly. He didn’t like fems, they weren’t his thing at all. He’d often been called a twink and he hated it. He wanted to be a big man, like his father, like Adam, but that was never going to be. He was cursed to be a girly dwarf for the rest of his life. With a sigh, he turned away and trotted into the bedroom to dress.