The Art of Being Gay - 4. A Night at the Opera

A Night at the Opera

“That’s not what happened, Dad. Mom mixed up two different events into one thing,” Justin said with a sigh. “It was the stupid volleyball coach who referred to me as ‘the fairy’s son’ when explaining things to another teacher.”

“What?” Chad said. He was getting more and more confused by Justin’s explanation of the events leading up to his son punching another student in the face and getting suspended for three days. “You punched a teacher!”

Chad heard his son moan into the phone. “You’re as bad as Mom. You both jump to conclusions before I even tell the whole story.”

“Well, then tell me,” Chad said, trying to keep his temper in check. “I only have ten minutes left on my break. So spill it.”

“Roger Stephenson was insulting Candy so I decked him. Then, Candy’s coach was trying to explain the situation to another teacher and that’s when Candy heard her call me ‘the fairy’s son.’ I only told the principal because it didn’t seem fair I was the only one punished for the whole thing. Roger started it.”

Chad closed his eyes and counted to three. “What did Roger say about Candy?”

“He said she was only going out for volleyball to get the knee pads. He’s been a complete ass ever since Candy dumped him. Roger calls her a slut every chance he gets. I couldn’t take it anymore and popped him one.”

Chad wanted to laugh but knew he couldn’t. This was the usual teenage drama he felt was normal for his son. He’d been worried for nothing. Justin got his temper from his mother. It was quick, unrelenting, and then over with once he got it out of his system. Eileen and Chad had worked with Justin for years to curb this terrible instinct of his. But sometimes it was a little too humorous when his son got so worked up. It was one of the things that so endeared him to Eileen when they first got together.

“Did you really break his nose?” Chad asked after curbing his mirth.

“Yeah. I apologized like twenty times, but the principal was such an ass about it.” Justin sounded remorseful. The boy was truly sorry after his bursts of anger.

“Why did your mother think you punched him because of Maureen Davis’ comment to someone else?” Chad asked. It was hard to imagine the old hippie meaning any harm with the whole ‘fairy’ comment. Maureen was going senile and often blurted out semi-offensive comments without a thought as to their impact.

“She didn’t listen to me. Once she heard the volleyball coach’s comment, she started blaming you. I’m not talking to her until she apologizes to you,” Justin grumbled.

“She’s doing the best she can. This whole thing’s been hard on her too,” Chad said evenly. “Give her some slack, Justin.”

“She’s not trying Dad,” Justin said loudly. “She’s a real bitch about your being gay. I’m sick of her badmouthing you.”

Chad had tried to explain things to Eileen. It hadn’t helped. He felt bad he’d hurt her so much. If only he could take back the events of That Night and tell her first. She probably would have dealt with it much better. Chad knew Eileen was still in love with him and finding out he was gay from the ‘flash mob rumor mill’ that is Council Bluffs had to be embarrassing. Eileen didn’t handle humiliation well and this was a doozy.

“Give her some time. She’s still getting used to the idea she married a gay man.”

“I guess,” Justin said softly. “I may have made it worse when I told her she was making me gay too.”

“Justin!” Chad yelled into the phone. “Tell me you didn’t.” After a short silence, his son started laughing.

“No, I didn’t do that,” he said. “Sometimes when she goes off on how selfish you are I want to strangle her.”

“Violence never fixes anything,” Chad said in his most fatherly voice. “It only makes things worse.”

“Roger’s leaving Candy alone now. It accomplished that,” Justin said. Chad could hear his son’s smile in his tone. “I didn’t mean to hurt him though.”

“I know you didn’t.” Chad said. There was an odd, uncomfortable silence on the line for a moment. They usually didn’t discuss how Chad’s revelation had altered their relationship.

“Have you met anyone yet?” Justin asked out of the blue, his voice was a bit teasing.

“I’m not here to meet anyone,” Chad said. “I’m here to become more comfortable with myself. You know that.”

“You must be lonely,” Justin said. “I would be.”

Chad paused and thought of a good answer. “I’m a little lonesome for you and for my house. I’m making friends and it’s not so bad.”

“Who are your new friends?” Justin asked.

“Well, my boss here at work is pretty cool. He’s taking me to some opera or something tonight.”

“Is he gay?” Justin asked feverishly. “That sounds like a date.”

“He is gay, but he’s my boss. He’s sort of counseling me on being less nervous about it all.” Chad waited for the teenage drama to take over. Justin sounded concerned, which was like their old dynamic.

“Candy’s mom worked for her dad before they got married. It happens,” Justin said eagerly. “Maybe I’ll have a new stepdad to train.”

“Hold on. This isn’t a date. Roy’s showing me a few cultural things so I’m more confident when I meet people. It’s all above board.” Chad smiled. He was excited about tonight even though the opera wouldn’t have been his first choice.

“I’d say going to an opera sounds pretty gay Dad, especially when you go with another gay guy.”

“It’s just two friends going out,” Chad said. “That’s all.”

“Okay. Promise you’ll tell me all about it tomorrow. Well, except the dirty parts. I don’t want to hear about those,” Justin teased.

“There won’t be any dirty parts regardless. Son, I’ve got to go. My break is over. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Chad said, looking at the clock in the break room.

“Okay. Dad, I miss you,” Justin said.

Chad gulped down a burst of emotion. “I miss you too, son.”

“Talk to you tomorrow,” Justin said wistfully.

Chad said his goodbyes and hit end on his phone. It hadn’t been that long since he’d left Council Bluffs, left his home. Frankly, Justin was the only person he really and truly missed at this point. Chad looked up and brushed away the moistness from his cheeks as he watched Roy and the new warehouse foreman talking about something at a table by the doorway. The new guy nodded and stood up following Roy over toward where he was sitting.

“Chad,” Roy said as they approached. “We have a question for you.”

“What’s up?” Chad asked with a smile.

“The conveyor has been acting pretty sketchy lately. Could you take a look at it and see what’s going on?” the new guy asked pushing his glasses up his nose. His nametag said Peterson, which was what everyone called him. Peterson was the guy Tyrell sent over to replace Lonnie while he was ‘doing his sentence,’ as Roy put it. Chad felt bad about how the whole thing played out with Lonnie getting transferred for a time. Roy was rather giddy about the whole thing. He’d laughed when Chad apologized and said Lonnie was in good hands with his brother.

“No problem,” Chad responded, trying not to look at Peterson’s face too long. The guy was nice, very proper, and had been respectful. He had cross eyes though. One eye was trained inward while Peterson’s right eye would focus on the other person. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Roy didn’t seem to notice so Chad tried not to as well. Peterson wore thick glasses and that seemed to mask it most of the time. It was evident when he talked to you.

Chad merely shrugged and forgot all about how the man looked. It wasn’t his concern.

He got up and threw away the bag and wrappers from his food. He was about to leave the break room when he looked over at the other two men. Roy was looking at the floor, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets and shifting back and forth nervously. Peterson had stepped away from their boss and in the bright fluorescent lights Chad could see the man had a gleam of sweat on his forehead and cheeks. An awkward silence had embraced them. That was odd. Roy bantered freely with everyone. It was strange to see him look so uncomfortable.

Chad left the break room and headed for the conveyor belt and the motor running it.

***************

“So, what’s wrong with it?” he heard Roy ask. Chad looked up and wiped his hands on a nearby rag.

“Its timing is off. I’m not sure I can fix it,” he said smiling at his boss.

“Tell Peterson to order a new one then,” Roy said. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s a good guy,” Chad said. “Easy to work with.”

“That’s good,” Roy said. His face was red. “Ready for tonight?”

“I guess. I’ve never been to an opera before,” Chad confessed. “I don’t have a suit with me.”

“Suit? Not tonight,” Roy said looking confused. “It’s pretty casual on Thursday nights.”

Chad was baffled by that. He’d always assumed going to something as formal as an opera would entail dressing up in a suit and tie. In the movies, everyone always got dressed up in their best outfits. Not wearing at least a suit seemed strange and disrespectful.

“I’m wearing a nice shirt and khakis,” Roy said after Chad didn’t respond. “Just wear something like that. You’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Chad said. “I’m a little nervous.”

Roy chuckled and patted him on the shoulder. “You’re not performing. There’s nothing for you to be anxious about. You’ll simply watch and learn. This will be a fun night. I guarantee it.”

Chad smiled back. “If you say so. Do gay people really go to things like this much?”

“Trust me. Gays are all about the drama my friend. Just be ready at nine o’clock. I’ll pick you up,” Roy said and waved goodbye as he left. Chad watched as the man walked through the warehouse. Peterson looked up for a moment and then went back to his computer. Roy stopped before he got to the door with the hanging clear plastic strips. He seemed to be lost in thought. Then, the manager slipped through the doorway without looking back.

***********

“You look very nice,” Roy said as Chad fastened his seat belt.

“So do you,” he responded. Roy’s demeanor was as formal as it was at work. The little spurt of flamboyancy his boss displayed at the tennis court had yet to reemerge. At work, Roy acted completely straight and narrow. When he’d asked Chad about going to the opera, it was in a way that seemed almost indifferent. Chad had almost said no until he looked at Roy’s face. The man’s determined, almost defiant look had said the request wasn’t really a question. Roy expected Chad to go with him. Chad had agreed as much out of deference as anything else.

They drove in silence until they got on the highway. Chad didn’t know what to say. The gulf of ‘boss and employee’ was too much of a divide to allow him to ask Roy any questions. As they sped towards downtown, Chad tried not to squirm in his seat. Roy was occupied entirely by the thick streams of traffic around them.

“I think you’ll like this,” Roy said as they crossed into Minneapolis proper. “It will be a good experience for you. One thing gays can really identify with is drama.”

“Where exactly are we going?” Chad asked.

“It’s a surprise,” Roy answered with a sly grin. “It’s not at all what you’re expecting I imagine.”

Roy’s cryptic response had Chad mystified. It also made him want to talk. Roy’s quiet determination gave rise to all kinds of questions. Chad couldn’t hold back any longer.

“I hope I didn’t get Lonnie in too much trouble,” Chad said looking for Roy’s reaction.

His boss laughed. “I’m sure his brother has it well in hand. We told Lonnie he had to work in the feminine hygiene products section because he was being such a douche to you.”

Chad’s mouth dropped open. “He is?”

“Naw. Girlfriend just scared Lonnie with that threat. Tyrell said he wouldn’t put his customers through the torment of his dumbass brother advising them on the kinds of products they might need. We got a good laugh out of it though. Lonnie was scared shitless.”

Chad was shocked that once again his boss slipped into flamboyant mode whenever talking about his friend. It was like he was two different people.

“Why do you call Tyrell your girlfriend?” he asked after some hesitation.

“I don’t know,” Roy said. “I guess because we’re so close. It was Tyrell and me against the world back in the day, or at least it seemed that way. We’re tight.”

“But why ‘girlfriend’ and not best friend or something?” Chad asked. Roy’s face bunched up as he thought about it. At first, Chad felt he’d crossed a line or something. His boss looked so annoyed. A smile broke over his face as they exited the highway for downtown Minneapolis.

“Tyrell and I are closer than best friends. He’s a confidante like girlfriends are. Guy friends aren’t as close I think. We used to tell each other everything, and I mean everything from our feelings to intimate sexual details I’d never tell another buddy. It’s an interesting question. I guess I’ve never really thought about it before.”

Chad was relieved. Roy seemed perfectly comfortable explaining his relationship with Tyrell. Chad had never been that close with another person. It sounded, well, different.

“Did you and Tyrell ever go out together?” he asked.

Roy snorted. “We tried to hook up once when we were really drunk. It was hilarious. We weren’t compatible that way. It ended up being more of a slumber party than anything else. Tyrell told me about things he’d never shared with anyone else. I told him all about my first encounters in high school. It was a special night, but no, we never really hooked up. We’re more like sisters.”

Chad pondered that admission. Again, the hint of flamboyancy returned to Roy’s voice and his mannerism became more animated. Was there something about being gay that did that? Chad couldn’t imagine calling another man his sister or girlfriend. It was like watching ‘Will and Grace’ when Jack would come over and Will would get campy. Or, when Cam and Mitchell on ‘Modern Family’ would squeal or get girly. No, that wasn’t right. Cam was almost always pretty effeminate and Mitchell would get gayer when he was upset about something.

“Any more questions about Tyrell and me?” Roy asked.

“No. It’s interesting to see how you light up when you talk about him,” Chad said watching him for a reaction.

“Tyrell’s good people.” Roy said. “We’re almost there. We’ll park and walk the rest of the way.”

“What theater is it in?” Chad asked though he didn’t know what theaters were downtown in the first place.

“It’s at the Rail Station,” Roy smiled as he put the car in park.

“They’re putting this on at a gay bar?” Chad asked.

“Duh! Where else would they have a show like this?” Roy said. “Let’s get there before the show starts.”

When they got to the bar, Roy was greeted with a bear hug by the large black man checking ID’s. The two of them bantered happily and were both acting quite silly.

“This is Chad. He’s a newbie to the scene,” Roy said. “So be gentle on him.”

“I’m Clyde,” the man said shaking his hand tightly with some enthusiasm. “Watch out for the queens tonight. I think Sofonda’s in heat. She’s looking for someone to pounce on.”

Chad blinked and tried to smile. He didn’t know exactly what that meant. It sounded a bit terrifying though.

“I’ll keep him close,” Roy chuckled. “Later sweetie.” Chad grimaced as his boss blew the bouncer a kiss.

“Follow me. Let’s get a table in the middle. I don’t want some drag queen manhandling me during the show,” Roy said with a gleam in his eye. He actually didn’t look like he’d mind that one bit.

Chad was mortified. Most of the people looked normal like in any old bar, however there were also people dressed as women but too tall and too broad to be actual females.

“Who’ve you got here Roy Toy?” a man/woman in a blue spangled dressed asked as they walked past the bar.

“This is Chad. He just moved here from Iowa,” Roy said. “This is Maxine Factor. She’s one of the belles of the ball here.”

Chad reached out to shake and instead the drag queen caressed his cheek with a satin gloved hand.

“Oh!!! Fresh meat. I like the strong, courteous type. They’re always such animals in the sack.” The drag queen lisped. Chad closed his mouth and looked, well, her over. The blue dress was so tight on her each and every roll was displayed prominently. She wore several necklaces and rings and on top of her head was a huge wig, jet black, and teased into a beehive shape. A tiara was perched on the top that looked like it could fall and take an eye out any minute.

“Behave Maxi. This boy’s mine for the night. No groping allowed.” Roy chuckled at the drag queen’s pout.

“All right, for tonight he’s safe. When you’re done with him, he’s fair game Roy Toy. Promise me that,” the drag queen laughed and posed.

“Does that sound good to you Chad?” Roy asked batting his eyes. “Maxi’s quite the tigress. She’ll eat you up.”

Chad shuddered and again tried to smile. The effect must have been pitiful because the drag queen patted his arm in response. “Don’t worry dear. I’m all bark and no bite. Well, I do like to nibble. Enjoy the show.” The drag queen winked a heavily painted eye at him.

The airborne kisses flew once more. What was it with gay men blowing kisses to everyone?

Roy gestured at a table and Chad gratefully sat down and put his hands on the table immediately fidgeting with the table tent advertising a Sunday Tea Dance, whatever that meant. It sounded exotic.

“Hey Roy Toy, the usual?” an effeminate young blond boy asked. The waiter was so blond his red scalp showed through. He was wearing an apron which was the only thing indicating he worked there. Otherwise, he had on a tank top that barely covered his nipples and only came down to the top of his stomach.

“Sure. I’ll take a Corona. Just one, I’m driving,” Roy said. “What’re you having Chad?”

“I’ll have the same,” Chad said softly.

“Who’s the hottie?” the boy asked smiling at him with a wolfish grin. “I love daddies.”

“This is Chad. He’s taken for the evening,” Roy said evenly. “Off you go Wes.”

“You’re no fun,” the boy said with a fake, exaggerated pout as he skipped away from the table.

“Wes is harmless. His boyfriend is the bouncer. You can relax. It’s okay,” Roy said placing his hand on Chad’s shoulder. “They’re all just a bunch of flirts.”

“Okay. I thought we were going to the opera,” Chad said, looking around. It was mostly men but scattered amongst them were a few women. To their left was a man clutching his female companion’s hand and looking as terrified as Chad felt. He gave him a nervous grin and looked away.

“I never said that. You misunderstood. Now quiet, the show’s about to start,” Roy said and took away his reassuring hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen. Please give a warm Rail Station welcome to your mistress of ceremonies, our very own Sofonda Dix.”

Chad almost gasped as a tall person dressed in the most ridiculous purple ball gown came out from behind the curtain on the small stage. He didn’t know what to think. She looked like that one ugly bridesmaid every bride has in attendance to make her look that much better. Her makeup was garish, huge streaks of red rouge and eyes as black as Elvira. On top of her head was a blonde wig which given the caramel color of her skin looked absurd. She too was wearing evening gloves but these matched the same awful color as the dress. The effect was overwhelming.

“Thank you everyone. We’ve got a great show planned for you tonight. First, let me introduce you to my sister and her gorgeous new husband Dave.” She pointed at the uncomfortable man and beaming woman Chad had noticed earlier. “I told him if he gets tired of the tuna casserole, I’ve got all the beef he’ll ever need.”

The crowd roared and clapped. Chad noticed the poor man in question had turned beet red and was grasping his wife’s arm even more tightly. He gave the crowd a sheepish grin and a half-hearted wave. In response, the bar patrons whistled and hooted at him even louder.

After that, a song came on and Sofonda danced and twirled, lip syncing in exaggerated expressions to ‘I’m Just a Girl.’

By the third song, Chad was enjoying it. All the performers were having such a blast it was hard to feel uncomfortable. They were playing the crowd who ate up the comedy of the moment. Chad found Wes the waiter had brought him another beer in the meantime. He didn’t realize he’d drank the first one so quickly. That was followed by a shot and then another beer by the intermission. Chad was feeling pretty good and as the lights came up he looked over at Roy. His boss was grinning at him.

“Having a good time?” Roy asked. The noise of the crowd was making conversation difficult.

“I am. I never would have thought a show like this would be so much fun,” Chad chuckled and leaned closer. “Why did you tell me we were going to the opera? This is a lot more fun.”

“I never said we were going to the opera. I said I was taking you to see the fat ladies sing. You assumed that meant the opera,” Roy laughed.

“I’m having a blast,” Chad said slurring a little. “These drinks are kicking my ass.”

“Maybe you should slow down a little,” Roy cautioned. Chad’s face was flush and his eyes a little unfocused.

“Wes, baby!” Chad called out to the boy. He came rushing over and rubbed the man’s shoulders.

“Yes Chadder?” he asked.

“I like you calling me that,” Chad gushed. “We need shots.”

“None for me,” Roy said shaking his head. “I’m driving.”

“Give my boy Dave a shot,” Chad said to the waiter. “Better yet, bring me three shots of Rumpleminze and I’ll drink them with Sofonda’s family.”

Wes disappeared into the crowd and Chad lifted his half empty beer. “Cheers to the best boss in the world.”

Roy clinked his diet cola glass with Chad’s beer bottle and shook his head. Chad was relaxing, maybe a little too much.

As Wes came out of the crowd with a tray of drinks, Chad waved him over to the man and woman giggling together at the other table. Chad grabbed Roy’s arm and pulled on it. “Let’s go say hi to them. No one’s talking to them.”

“They look pretty cozy together,” Roy said, but he followed the other man.

“Will you have a shot with me?” Chad asked pulling the drinks off Wes’ tray. “It’s peppermint.”

“That’s nice of you,” the woman said. “I’m Debbie, Will’s sister.”

“Who’s Will?” Chad asked wobbling a little.

“Will’s drag name is Sofonda Dix,” Roy said. “I’m Roy and this is Chad.”

“Dave,” the man said shaking their hands. “Won’t you join us?”

“Thanks,” Chad said plopping into a chair. Wes was laughing at him and Chad couldn’t help but snicker himself. Roy sat down next to Chad and smiled at the couple across from them.

“Your brother is quite the entertainer,” Chad said happily. “Let’s drink to Willfonda.”

The three of them clinked glasses and drank. Roy watched as Chad’s eyes grew a little heavier.

“Here’s to drag shows and new friends,” Chad said thumping Dave on his shoulder. “This is fun.”

The curtain falls…