Streak - 36. Chapter 36

November 19, 2002

Escorial

Will

“Dude, that looks amazing,” I said, as I stood in the studio, gazing at the painting Marc had finished. He’d made a wave scene, using his grinder to give the water that three-dimensional effect; and he’d spread it out over the three panels I’d seen him welding. It was very cool.

“Thanks,” he said. “I was worried it would be shit, since I did it in such a hurry.”

“Looks good to me,” I told him.

“I wanted to have something ready for Tom,” he said.

“Tom?”

“Hartford,” he explained. “He said his friends get to call him Tom.”

“So you’re his friend?”

“Evidently,” he said, even as we chuckled. “I’ve talked to him on the phone a few times, and I sent him some pictures of my work. They want to feature me in their gallery.”

“That’s incredible!” I said, and it was.

“Things are really coming together for me,” he said, but then got nervous afterward.

“You know, since you’ve been here and away from David, you seem to have a lot more confidence,” I said.

“Thanks. I feel so much better about myself.” He was grinning, and then his grin faded.

“What’s bugging you?”

He sighed. “Everything is going so well, it’s like I know something is going to come along and fuck it up.”

“Probably will,” I said fatalistically as I shrugged. “Not much you can do about it, so you should probably just enjoy the good times while they last.”

“I’ve only been here for a week, but I feel like I’ve gotten my life together. I feel good, I’m painting, and I have this link with a gallery to sell my work.”

“Those are all good things,” I said. “So what’s wrong?”

“So much of this is contingent upon my relationship with your father.” He sighed. “It’s probably weird for me to talk about this with you.”

“Maybe, but at the same time, I know him pretty well.”

“You do,” he agreed. “It bugs him when you read his mind.”

“That’s why I do it,” I said playfully, making him laugh. He had a really nice laugh. “You’re worried that you’re building this new life for yourself here, and then things won’t work out with Dad, and you’ll be fucked.”

He nodded. “We haven’t been together all that long. We haven’t even had a fight yet.” That was pretty funny.

“I’ll give you my read on it,” I said. “I haven’t seen my father this happy in a long time. He’s fucking giddy, so giddy he annoyed the shit out of JJ when he was in Pennsylvania.”

“JJ’s not mad at me, is he?” he asked nervously.

“No, he liked you, and that’s a pretty major achievement,” I said. “You’re here, trying to figure out if you and Dad will be good together. You moved out here so you could both do that.”

“Well, I didn’t formally move,” he said, which was bullshit, because he was settling in here like he belonged here. “What’s your point?”

“Even if things don’t work out, he’s at least partly responsible for making sure you’re OK,” I said. “He’s not going to throw you out and tell you to go fuck yourself.”

“That’s what David did,” he said, and that pissed me off, that he would even think of comparing my father to David, but I got that he was just working it through his mind. He thought about things for a bit. “No, he’s not. You’re right. Even if Brad was pissed at me, he’d help me land on my feet.” And it seemed like realizing that boosted his confidence just that much more.

My phone buzzed, and it was the guard, telling me that they’d passed Tom Hartford through the gates. “Thomas is here,” I said, and led him down the stairs, and up to the foyer. We got there to open the door just as he walked up.

“This place is incredible,” he said with a gasp. “When was it built?”

“It was built in the 1920’s. You’ll have to ask Grand about the details at dinner,” I said, then realized he probably didn’t know who the fuck I was referring to. “That’s what I call JP: Grand.”

“It fits,” he said with a smile.

“I thought I could show you my latest work, and then we can talk business, if that’s alright,” Marc said. He was very professional when he said that; it was actually pretty cute. “Dinner is at 7:00, and I’m fairly sure we can talk JP into giving you a tour after that.”

“That sounds excellent,” he said.

“I’ll see you at dinner,” I told them. I escaped back to my room and started working on my homework, and got it finished up just as there was a knock at my door. The door opened, without me even saying ‘come in’, which would have annoyed me except I saw it was Zach.

“Hey,” he said cheerfully, even as he closed and locked the door. “I missed you.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” I said, “but I missed you too.” We made love quickly, since it was almost time for dinner, and we both had pretty short fuses, at least the first time. “I’m glad you made it down here.”

“I talked to Isidore, and she remembered that Tom dude. She wanted to see him again, and I think she wanted to see JP’s face when he showed up.”

“She likes some drama,” I said, chuckling.

We went up to the dining room early, and that gave me a chance to talk to Frank and Grandmaman. Stef and Grand came in, followed by my father. Just as the bell began to gong out 7:00, Marc and Tom Hartford walked in. “Good evening everyone,” Marc said. “This is my guest, Tom Hartford.”

It was rare to see Grand shocked, but he was, and so was Stefan. Grandmaman jumped up and was as gracious and cordial as ever. “Tom, it has been years since I have seen you, but you still look so young and handsome.” She kissed him on each cheek.

“You are the one who is ageless,” he said. “It is so good to see you.” He had a smooth, refined air about him, one that made his conversation with Grandmaman seem natural.

“What a pleasant surprise,” Grand said. He got up and greeted Tom, shaking his hand. Tom seemed mildly annoyed, but got over that pretty quickly.

“I must say that both JP and Isidore are correct,” Stef said in his most flirtatious voice. “You are young, and it is indeed good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, Stef,” he said, and was much friendlier to Stef. We all took our seats, and the staff brought dinner out. After we started eating, conversation resumed, in between bites, of course.

“So what have you been up to?” Grand asked him.

“I finished up my PhD at Vanderbilt, and then took a position at Ole Miss,” Tom said. “I was there for six years, but didn’t get tenure.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Grand said. He’d told us enough about the academic world that I knew not getting tenure, especially for a history professor, was the kiss of death. It meant he probably wasn’t able to get a tenure-track position at another university.

Tom shrugged. “Much of my studies revolved around the intersection of history and art, and so I focused on the art aspect. I’ve worked at several galleries, but a friend of mine opened a place here in the City about five years ago, and asked me to work for him a couple of years after that.”

“So you are living in the City?” Stef asked.

“I am,” Tom said. “There’s a loft apartment above the gallery that I can use. It’s part of my deal.”

“That is good, since it is not easy to find a place to live in San Francisco,” Stef said.

“At least not without spending a fortune,” Tom agreed.

“The last I heard, you and Willie Jackson were a couple. He was studying to be an anesthesiologist,” Grand said.

“We broke up in 1968,” he said coldly. “After he slept with you at Jeff’s funeral.”

We all looked at Tom, who looked pretty angry, and at Grand, who looked embarrassed. “I am hoping that was not the catalyst,” Grand said.

“Well it was,” Tom said abruptly. “He came back from the funeral and told me that he wanted his freedom.”

“I’m very sorry, Tom,” Grand said sincerely. “I didn’t know you two were exclusive. It was a tough time.”

“It was,” Tom said. “For all of us. But he wanted his freedom, so that was the end of us. He stayed in Nashville, while I moved to Oxford, Mississippi.”

“Did you stay in touch? How is he doing?” Stef asked.

“He is dead,” Tom said. “He died in 1986, of AIDS.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Grand said. He was trying not to look upset, but it was obvious to those of us who knew him.

“I often wonder if we’d have stayed together, if he’d have dodged that bullet,” Tom said, which was a pretty horrible thing to do, since it placed the blame for Willie’s death at Grand’s feet. He seemed to enjoy watching Grand squirm, so he paused for a few seconds. “But I don’t think it would have mattered. In the end, we just weren’t that happy together.”

“I am sometimes amazed that any of us survived that horrible disease,” Stef said. “I am almost certain that if I had not had a partner in those early days, when the disease was just beginning to take its toll, I would have been infected.”

“I remember how awful that was,” Dad chimed in. “I was at Yale, and it seemed like every time we talked, someone else had died.”

The mood had gotten absolutely depressing, but no one seemed to be impacted as much as Grand. “I am very sorry that you had to go through that, Tom.”

“It’s in the past,” Tom said dismissively.

“Yet I sense that you still bear me some malice for it,” Grand said.

“It was frustrating, the way you seemed to be able to lure pretty much any guy into your bed, and it was even more frustrating when the guy chose you over one of the rest of us,” he said bitterly.

“I was not as successful as you would make it sound, but I can see where that would have angered you,” Grand said diplomatically. Tom nodded. “Here we are, some thirty-four years later, and I am really happy to see you, and to have you visit us here. It would truly be a shame if we let these past events ruin what was, at one time anyway, an important friendship.”

Tom smiled. “I don’t want to carry a grudge, and I don’t want to ruin our dinner and our reunion. I think I just needed to let you know what happened, and to hear that you were sorry. Now that I have, I think we should move on.”

“How did you two meet?” I asked, to move us on from that topic.

Tom grinned. “I was working for your grandfather, as one of his TAs, and he seduced me.”

“Dude, you screwed around with one of your students?” I asked Grand. He turned bright red, while the rest of us were trying not to laugh our asses off.

“He wasn’t my student, he was working for me,” he snapped.

“So you screwed around with an employee?” He gave me an exasperated look.

“If I am not mistaken, Sam was also working for you as a TA,” Grandmaman said. I think she was enjoying this most of all; she loved to give Grand a bad time about his slutty ways.

“That is correct,” Grand said, in his stuffy voice, and that was too much for me, Dad, Zach, Frank, and Grandmaman. We started laughing, and ultimately that made Grand shake his head and grin.

“Perhaps you should bring home your current TA,” Stef said.

“I was younger and more stupid back then, although I definitely had more fun,” Grand said, and winked at Tom.

“So were you with someone after Willie?” Stef asked Tom, deftly changing the subject and saving Grand.

“There were a few guys, but nothing lasted more than a couple of years,” he said. “I’ve been single so long now, I’m used to it, and it’s comfortable.”

After dinner was over, Tom, Stef, and Grand went out onto the patio and talked for a while, then they went into Grand’s study and talked for a while longer, and then they went into Grand’s bedroom, although I’m not sure if they did all that much talking in there.

November 24, 2002

Escorial

Brad

Marc and I were up in the studio, both of us working on our own projects. I really liked the way he used aluminum to give his art a unique flavor, so I was experimenting with some of his scrap pieces. I’d spent some time shaping them, and then I attached them to the canvas in a haphazard way. After that was done, I used that shape as my inspiration, and painted around the aluminum. The piece I was working on had strangely enough turned into a landscape, where the major focal point was a tree.

“That’s interesting,” he said, as he stood behind me.

“I don’t usually do trees, so I think it kind of sucks,” I told him.

He looked at it carefully. “Try shading in the leaves here,” he said, pointing at part of the painting.

I did what he said, and it made a pretty dramatic difference. “That was a great idea,” I told him. “That really gave it depth.”

“See, I’m not just a pretty face,” he said flirtatiously.

“You are definitely very pretty, but you are also so much more than that,” I said in a very caring way.

“Sweet talker,” he responded, one of his favorite quips. “I’m almost done for the night.”

“I’ll be done too,” I said, winking at him. We cleaned off our brushes and put our stuff away, then went down to my room, which was actually more like our room. My room was on the second floor, and had the same basic footprint as JP’s room. It was big, with a large closet, one that I’d shared with Robbie, but now I was sharing with Marc. We took off our clothes in an organized way before heading to bed, another similarity to my life with Robbie. The comparisons used to bother me, but for some reason, they just didn’t evoke the pain that they used to. I guess that meant I really was moving on, and putting the grief behind me.

“Meet you in bed,” he said, winking at me.

We climbed into bed, and I lay on my back. Marc lay on top of me, playing with my chest hair. I felt my libido soaring as Marc’s body molded itself to mine. “I should probably shave that off.” I used to keep my chest devoid of hair, but I’d stopped shaving, and it had grown out a bit.

“I like it,” he said. “I think it’s sexy.”

“You would know what sexy is,” I said, kissing his forehead.

He got nervous, which meant he was going to bring up an unpleasant topic, or at least one that he thought would be unpleasant. “Do you like having me here?”

I backed away from him a bit so we could look at each other. “Yes, I like having you here. Did I make you think that I didn’t?”

“No, but I’ve all but moved in, taken up half your closet, and pretty much spent every free moment you have with you.”

Then I got what this was about. This was about his ongoing insecurities about us. “I like that you do those things. I’ve been really happy since you’ve been here.”

“What if that changes?”

“You mean if you piss me off?” I asked. He nodded. “If we got mad enough at each other that we weren’t going to be together, then I’d ask JP to give you your own room.”

“You wouldn’t just throw me out?”

I rolled my eyes. “No. And even if I wanted you to move out, I’d help you find someplace to land.” I sighed. “I’m really enjoying you, and the more we get to know each other, the more I like you. I’m happy with the way things are. Are you?”

“I’m happy, but I’m also a little insecure,” he said. “But you just made a lot of that vanish.”

“You know, one of the reasons that David was able to keep you enslaved was because he made you ruin your career,” I said, stating the obvious. “I think that the key to you feeling secure about things is getting back to the place where you’re successful with your art.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re good at it, because the world deserves more of your stuff, and because the success you earn makes you feel better about yourself, and it gives you more freedom,” I explained.

“Thanks,” he said, and gave me a nice kiss. “You prop me up.”

“I think that actually, you’re propping yourself up,” I told him. “Look at what you’ve accomplished in just a few weeks. You landed on your feet and you’ve already got some pieces at a gallery in the City. They’re begging you for more.”

“Yeah, but you’re the one who helped me get there,” he said. “And you make me happy, and that makes painting so much more enjoyable. Plus I do a lot better job.”

“I think I do my best work when I’m miserable,” I said, kind of joking. “When I was at the Sorbonne, after I graduated from Yale, I was really happy then, and my professors bitched at me about how shitty my painting was.”

“Maybe because that’s when you’re miserable, you really let your emotions flow onto the canvas. I’ll bet if you could learn to do that when you were happy, you’d be amazed at how well you’d do.”

“Maybe,” I said, pondering his words, then changed the subject. “Did you tell your parents you weren’t coming home for Thanksgiving?”

“I did,” he said. “They weren’t all that upset about it. They didn’t like Sam all that much, and they didn’t like David at all, so I haven’t spent the holidays with them for a few years. They’ll go over to my uncle’s house, and they’ll have a nice time.”

“Since you’re an only child, I figured they’d be all over you to come home,” I said, digging a bit.

He shrugged. “They have their own lives. They don’t worry about me too much, and I don’t worry about them.”

“That doesn’t work in my family,” I joked.

“No, it doesn’t,” he said. “I like your way better. There are a lot of people here that support you, and who rely on you.”

“I’m not sure about that,” I said. “My sons are pretty independent.”

“Especially Will,” he said, making me chuckle. “But he still relies on you; he’s just not willing to let you control him.”

“A fact I am well aware of,” I said, making both of us laugh.

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you to move this along faster than you want,” he said, referring to our relationship.

“I don’t feel that way,” I said, and I didn’t.

“We haven’t talked about us, and what our status is, since we got back from Australia,” he said. I just waited for him to go on. “I think we need to figure that out.”

“Alright,” I said, wondering where he was going with this.

“I was up in the City on Friday, at the gallery, and a guy asked me out,” he said. I felt the green demon of jealousy surge through my body, but I think I managed to keep my cool. “I turned him down.”

“Did you want to go out with him?” I asked nervously.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t want to go out with other guys, but at the same time, I’m not willing to rule that out unless you are.” In other words, if I wanted to see other people, he’d do the same thing.

“That’s only fair, but I really don’t want to go out with anyone else either,” I told him honestly. I didn’t tell him that the thought of him with another guy just about made me go apeshit, even though he probably knew it.

“So what are you saying?”

“Look, I’ve done all kinds of different variations on relationships, only I did them with one guy. I’ve done the deal where we were totally committed to each other, I’ve done the deal where we could do whatever we wanted with whomever we wanted, and I’ve done the hybrid deal where there were a few guys we were allowed to mess around with. Like I told you when we first started dating, I’m an all or nothing kind of guy.”

“Me too,” he said.

“So we’re still getting to know each other, and I think it’s a little soon for us to be married,” I joked. “But right now, and for the foreseeable future, I only want you.”

“And I only want you,” he said lovingly. I felt my feelings for him surge, even as we formalized our commitment. “There’s one other thing I want.”

“What?” I asked curiously.

“I got tested last week, just to make sure I’m negative. I am.”

“I got tested this summer, but I’ve been safe since then,” I told him.

“I want to be with you, and leave the condoms in the drawer,” he said, kissing me.

“I can do that,” I said, smiling at him. And then we made love, and we did it without condoms, using the exchange of fluids to seal this new stage in our relationship.

November 27, 2002

Claremont, OH

Zach

I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat at the kitchen table next to Will. “This is going to suck.”

“It probably will,” he said. “But it’s pretty important for you to work things out with them.”

“In June I hit 18, and then I’m my own person,” I said wistfully.

“That’s not why this is important,” he said. He must have sensed that statement annoyed me. “Look, I’ve been where you are. When my emancipation went through, I was on top of the world, because then I could be in control of my own life.”

“See,” I told him. “That’s what I mean.”

“Only it wasn’t good until I worked things out with my father. It’s almost like because you don’t need them, then you want them more.”

“That’s how it was for you, not for me,” I said skeptically.

“I’m just saying that if you can end up working things out with them, I think it will make everyone a lot happier.”

I gave him my steely look. “Since getting me away from you has been one of their big battle cries, it’s kind of strange for you to say that.” That had been the one constant for the past year: my parents had wanted to get Will out of my life.

“Maybe,” he said. “Why did they want me to be at the meeting today?”

“I have no fucking idea,” I told him. My sessions with Jacobs had actually been good. Part of that was probably that I didn’t let him see what an asshole I really was, but part of that seemed to come from him talking to my parents. In a weird way, I got the feeling he was on my side, but I wasn’t banking on that. Jacobs spent a lot of our time focusing on how totally gay I was, but I had come to terms with that, so it wasn’t the big deal it would have been a couple of years ago.

“Have they talked to Frank?”

I shook my head. “That was part of the deal. Jacobs wanted them to talk to him about our issues and no one else.” That hadn’t really bothered Frank, but it bothered me. He tended to have a calming effect on my parents, or at least he made them think about things. Plus, if there were some big nightmare ahead of me, Frank would have found a way to warn me. Without his involvement, I was freaking out in case this turned out to be an ambush.

“We’re staying over tonight,” he said.

“Why?” I was anxious to get out of here as fast as I could.

He shrugged. “That’s the way everyone else wants to do it. Frank and Grandmaman are doing some shopping today, and Grand has a meeting. They want to go out with Gathan and Kristen tonight, and they don’t want to inconvenience Wade by showing up in the middle of the night.”

“If they get up by dinner,” I joked. We’d landed late last night and Gathan had latched onto her and all but dragged her up to the room he was staying in here. We hadn’t seen them since.

“If it was up to me, we’d still be in bed,” he said, winking at me and making me smile. “But we have to go meet with your ’rents.”

I looked at my watch and nodded grimly. “Let’s go.” JP let us take the Corvette again. We walked out to the car with Will shivering, even though he was bundled up in a warm coat.

“It’s fucking cold,” he bitched.

I shrugged. “It’s only 32 degrees.” A few snowflakes fell harmlessly down on us, melting as soon as they landed on the ground.

“That’s freezing, and freezing is fucking cold,” he countered. I fired up the Corvette, but it took a while for the heater to work. We were almost there by the time it was even remotely warm in the car.

“I’ll warm it up before we go home,” I said helpfully. He gave me a dubious look. We got out and went into Jacobs’ office, and once again, we were the only ones in the waiting room. Will stomped around, trying to warm up.

“Welcome,” Jacobs said in a friendly way, as he came out to greet us. “Thank you both for coming.”

“You’re welcome,” I said curtly. “Are my parents here?”

“They are,” he said, but didn’t move to go back there yet. Clearly he wanted to talk to us first. “I’d like to ask both of you to be as calm and as patient as you can.”

“Does that mean there’s going to be a whole bunch of shit flying at us?” Will asked.

“It’s been a rough journey for your parents,” he said, talking to me. “They’ve come a long way, but it will help if you give them the benefit of the doubt. They brought a good attitude with them.”

“Sounds good,” I said skeptically. Will shrugged, to agree with me. We followed Jacobs into the conference room and sat around the round table, in the same seats we’d been in last time.

“It’s good to see you both,” my mother said with a smile. I smiled back, but said nothing.

“There are a few things I want to say, and I want you to let me get them out before you jump all over me,” Wally said. That got him an annoyed look from both my mother and Will.

“I’m listening,” I said, to encourage him.

“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I treated you. Dr. Jacobs has helped me see why I did what I did, but that doesn’t excuse things. I feel bad, and I’m real sorry, about the way I jumped all over you after your games. You really are an amazing football player.”

My shields were at full strength, waiting for the big ‘but’ that had to be coming. “Thanks.”

“Will said that you wanted me to be proud of you, which seemed pretty stupid to me, since I am.” He actually gave Will a pleasant look. “I should have told you that, and made sure you knew that, instead of ripping you up for stupid shit that didn’t matter.”

“Why did you do it?” I asked, mostly because I was uncomfortable with him all but groveling over this.

He shrugged. “It’s the same way my father dealt with me. You’d think I’d have remembered how much I hated it, but for some reason, that didn’t manage to make it through my thick skull.”

I wasn’t sure what to say about that, so of course, Jacobs prodded me. “How does that make you feel, Zach?”

I looked at my father squarely, so our eyes met. “Thanks for apologizing, and for the nice things that you said. That makes me feel better, but it’s hard to forget all those past games.” He just stared back at me, and that had the strange effect of frustrating me. “You could have made things so much better, just by encouraging me.”

“I know, Zach. But I can’t go back and change the past,” he said honestly.

“You’re right, and worrying about it won’t do any of us any good,” I said, to move us beyond that topic.

“I think that with the next issue, we all bear some of the blame,” he said. I just looked at him, waiting for him to drop a bomb on me. “Our issues with you and Will, and how we treated both of you, would have been a lot different, and a lot better, if you’d have been honest with us.”

“Even if we were just friends, the way you tried to pull us apart was just wrong,” I told them both.

“You said you weren’t gay, and we believed you. We really didn’t think you were, because we’ve tried to be open and accepting about that. We figured if you were, you’d have no problem telling us,” my mother said. “So we were worried that Will was, at worst, trying to corrupt you, and at best, he would simply tarnish your reputation.”

“You haven’t liked Will from the very beginning,” I said, putting them on the spot. “When I’m around him, I feel like I’m on top of the world, and I take control of my life. And I take that control away from you.”

“Those are three different issues,” Jacobs said, stepping in to moderate.

“We only wanted to guide your life so you didn’t make mistakes and ruin your career,” my mother said. “You have so much potential, and we just wanted to see you achieve your dream. We weren’t trying to control you, or at least that wasn’t our plan.”

“I guess you’re right about you being with Will, though, because it did seem like when you were around him, you became much more obnoxious. I figured he was rubbing off on you,” my father said, and then winked at Will to let him know he was largely teasing him. They were totally blowing my mind, so they had to be blowing his. “He was acting like your boyfriend, at least in our eyes. Since we didn’t know that’s what he was, he bothered us.”

I sat there, pretty dazed by this whole thing. Jacobs sensed how freaked out I was. “Let’s take a break for twenty minutes.” So just like last time, Will and I went to the convenience store to get a soda.

Will drove us back to Jacobs’ office, then parked but left the car running. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m okay, I just don’t know how I feel about this,” I told him.

“Your dad is really making an effort, putting himself out there. I never thought I’d see him get what he did that bugged you, and to apologize so sincerely.”

“I know.”

“What more do you want from them?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, then thought about it. “I really don’t want anything from them, but I’m still pissed off at them.”

“Then tell them that,” he said. I shrugged, and we went back into the office to find everyone there, as if they hadn’t moved since we left.

“Thanks for the break,” I told them politely. “I was thirsty.” I gestured at my Big Gulp.

“No problem,” Jacobs said, and then there was silence as they all looked at me.

I knew I needed to throw my dad a bone or two, at least so I didn’t seem like I was a complete dick. “I really appreciate the things you said,” I told him. “I was really pissed off at you guys for making me miss the game on the 16^th, and that stopped me from being as receptive as I should have been. I did appreciate you faxing the coach so I could play last weekend.”

“I understand,” he said, smiling at me. Just seeing him happy, and being at a good place, started to transform my mood.

“I didn’t tell you the truth about Will because I thought you didn’t like him, and that you’d try to break us up,” I said. He made to talk, but I stopped him. “My turn.”

“Fine,” he said. It was like he and I were having this conversation, just the two of us, even though there were three other people in the room with us.

“The other part of that was that I wasn’t even willing to admit to myself that I was gay, so there was no way I could have told you,” I explained.

“If you’re having sex with other men, doesn’t that mean you’re gay?” my mother asked, entering the conversation.

But my father looked at me carefully. “You told yourself that it was just sex, just a release, and it didn’t mean anything.” I nodded. “You pretended that you liked women better, but a guy would do.”

I stared at him, stunned. “How did you know that?”

“When I was in high school, I was part of a group of guys who gang raped Robbie in the locker room showers.” I stared at him, even more stunned by that admission, and freaked out by the tears that flowed out of his eyes. “Of all the things I’ve done in my life, I’ve regretted that the most.”

“Wally, you talked to Robbie about it, and he told you he didn’t want you beating yourself up about it anymore,” Mom said gently.

“I’m not gay, so for me, it was just that, a release, plus a way to bully Robbie. None of us liked him all that much back then. But I think that for a couple of the guys, it was more than that. I think they told themselves it worked for them just like it worked for me, but I think they were too into it for that to be true.” He stopped and wiped a tear out of his eye.

The whole thing made me feel a lot better about myself. I’d done some pretty dickish things, but I’d always put my father up on a pedestal as being so fucking perfect, at least when it came to morals. As far as I knew, he’d never cheated on my mother. Shit, he was probably a virgin when they first hooked up. That’s why when I compared myself to him, I felt pretty inadequate. Only now I didn’t, and it was a very liberating feeling. “Thanks for telling me. It’s nice to know you screwed up when you were younger too.”

“I did,” he said ruefully.

“I buried who I was, because I figured that if I did that, no one would know,” I told him. “But then I totally messed it all up.”

“How did you do that?” Mom asked.

“I fell in love,” I said, and smiled at Will. He smiled back at me, mirroring my gesture. “By the time I figured things out, we’d been together for a while, and it just seemed like I shouldn’t tell you. Plus, I knew you didn’t like Will, so I was worried if I told you you’d try to keep us apart.”

“I can recognize love, regardless of gender,” Dad said. “I’d like to think that would have changed my mind, and I’d have been supportive. Now I feel that way, but before, when I had my head up my ass, I may not have been.”

“How do you feel about all of this, Zach?” Jacobs asked.

“I’m feeling happy, and liberated,” I said honestly.

“Why do you think you’re happy?” he prompted.

“Because I think there’s a good chance we can get along and have a good relationship,” I said gesturing at my parents. They both smiled. “And I feel liberated because at least you guys know how I really am, and that Will and I are together.”

“And how do you two feel?” Jacobs asked my parents.

“I’m on top of the world,” Dad said, “because I feel like I got my son back.” I stared at him, stunned by that statement. With that one sentence, he’d shown me just how much he really did love me. And he reminded me of how much I loved him.

As if I was on autopilot, I stood up and walked over to his chair, and he stood up as I did. I pulled him into a monster hug, and just held onto him tightly, using his shoulder to absorb my tears. “I love you, Dad,” I said.

“I love you too,” he said, all choked up.

Jacobs let us get our emotions back under control. “And how do you feel?” he asked my mother. She looked at me nervously, as if trying to decide whether to tell me the truth or not.

“I’m happy that we all seem to be good with each other,” she said, “but I’m also very sad.”

“Why are you sad?” I asked, before Jacobs could.

“Because to play football, you’re going to have to live a lie,” she said. “I think that’s going to be really hard on you. I think that you’ll be trading your happiness for your career. I’m not sure that it’s worth it.”

“Neither am I,” my father said. They totally blew me away. They’d always pushed me to play football, and to excel. At first, that was my ticket out of the gritty east side of Claremont, but then it was just something that seemed like my destiny. Only here they were, almost encouraging me to give it up so I could be the person I am.

“Eventually, I’ll have to deal with that,” I said. “And like I told you last time, it’s like I’m always balancing whether to throw it all away. It’s like a constant tug of war going on inside me.”

“And how do you feel?” Jacobs asked Will. He blinked in surprise.

“I don’t really factor into this whole deal,” he said.

“I’d like to know what you think,” Dad said, blowing Will’s mind.

“I’m really happy for you guys, and especially for Zach, because I’ve seen how hard this whole thing has been for him. Plus, I understand his pain, because I was there too, more or less,” he said. “But I’m nervous that the nasty relationship we had will make you hate me going forward.”

“You don’t think we can move beyond that?” Dad asked, his brows narrowing to tell us he was slightly annoyed.

Will gave him an exasperated look. “Here’s the deal. I purposely set myself up as the bad guy, so you guys would be pissed at me instead of Zach. I remember that dinner we had this summer, when Grand and I came over. When Zach had to go toe to toe with you, it ripped him up. It was easier for me to take the heat, and for him to defend me, than for him to take you on himself.”

That totally blew my parents away, because there was no way they’d given Will credit for thinking things through that much. “I’m just starting to realize how much you’ve done for Zach, and how important you are to each other,” my mother said.

“I really didn’t like Zach,” Will said, getting a fake pout from me. He ignored me. “After Robbie’s memorial, when he came to my room, I was nervous, thinking that I’d just be a dude he’d latch onto then toss aside, and I wasn’t strong enough to handle that. But after I spent about ten minutes with him, there was a bond between us, an incredible connection. It was like I could read him, and know what he was thinking and feeling without him saying anything.”

“I felt that too,” I told him.

He smiled at me, and then finished his thought. “That’s why I’m along for this ride. I don’t think that kind of connection happens very often. It’s pretty amazing.”

“I have an idea,” my mother said, which made me nervous, because she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “I think we’d all be a lot better off if we could put all this behind us, and just move on.”

“I feel like the fog is gone, and now I can see things clearly,” my father chimed in.

I looked at Will. “I’m good with that,” he said.

“Me too,” I said. We all got up and hugged each other, a big maudlin moment.

“I know you’re going to Virginia for Thanksgiving,” my mother said, making me feel guilty for leaving. “I don’t know what you have planned, but I’d been hoping we could go ahead and celebrate today, while you two are here.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked.

“The turkey is cooking as we speak,” she said.

“You were that confident that we’d work things out?” I asked.

“I wasn’t leaving this room until we did, so I knew that either we’d have Thanksgiving dinner, or we’d have a burnt turkey.” That was pretty funny. “Will, bring your family with you. I made plenty.”

“Sounds good,” he said.

“We’ll see you at 6:00,” she said. We walked out, and got into the Corvette. Will drove this time.

“I told you this would all work out,” he said.

“You were right,” I said, acting grumpy, even though I was pretty happy about things. It felt good to have this thorn removed, and it felt good to be back at a nice place with my parents. But best of all, I felt closer to Will than I ever had.