Chapter 13

Four days. Four. Fucking. Days.

He paced his living room again. He just couldn't seem to settle. He kept feeling like he needed to do something. It was like an itch under his skin he just couldn't scratch.

Sgt. Woods had said they were still trying to track down Darrin. Bryan was sure Darrin knew they considered him the prime suspect and had made himself scarce.

He'd been inundated with calls of hope and well wishes and prayers. Monday, yesterday, when Wyatt hadn't shown up for work at the high school, rumors were already flying around. Not surprisingly. Sgt. Woods had made an announcement on the local station, asking anyone who had knowledge of Wyatt Kinnon and his possible whereabouts to call the tip line. But unfortunately, the only information they received was stuff they already knew.

"Damn it!" he shouted in frustration, pounding his fist on the wall. The picture frames on his fireplace mantle rattled.

He stared at the pictures of his family as they settled. His mom had had them framed for him, and when he'd moved in, the mantle seemed the perfect place for them. One was of the whole family, his father, mother, Eddie, and himself, at Disneyland when he was about twelve—he remembered Eddie had loved it, like the big kid he was. Of course, Bryan had been less enthused by the Disney characters and more interested in the thrill rides then. Another one was of him, his mom, and his dad at Bryan's high school graduation—it was the last picture he had of his dad. The picture of him and Eddie always made him smile, he loved the affectionate, innocent grin that Bryan always associated with his older brother. The last frame was one of just Bryan and his mother—one of the more recent Mother's Days after his father died. She had been so lost after he died that Bryan had been desperate to help her fill the void—hence his weekly luncheon dates.

The mantle was a tribute to everyone he loved.

Except one.

He abruptly turned away, unable to bear looking at the row of frames that were missing the one person that should be there: Wyatt.

Gut-wrenching panic overwhelmed him. He needed to fix this. Now. This was something he could do, he needed to do.

He abruptly darted to the kitchen table and fired up his laptop. He plugged his phone into the USB port and frantically searched for the perfect picture.

Wyatt. The honey-blond hair and those bright amber eyes crinkled in laughter, the absolute trust and love in his face nearly crippled Bryan. God, where was he? What was he going through? He broke down again, slamming the laptop shut, and dropping his elbows on the table beside it. His chin dropped to his chest as he rubbed the back of his head with his hands.

He didn't want that to be the last picture he ever took of Wyatt. The last time he ever saw that smile again. The last time Wyatt ever laughed at some silly thing he'd done. He wanted so much more. He'd been so sure they'd have that time.

And now it was gone.

Each day drove him deeper into the fog of depression threatening to envelop him. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep. His boss had told him to take the week off. If Sarah hadn't come over after work to make him eat yesterday, he'd be even worse. He was sure she'd be coming by again today.

His mother came by too, but he could barely stomach her visits right now. He knew she meant well when she hovered and held him, telling him that Wyatt would want him to go on, to be happy.

He laughed to himself, remembering when she'd said that yesterday with Sarah here. He'd seen a side of Sarah he rarely saw from the sweet redhead.

"Wyatt would want you to be happy, Bryan," his mother had said, "to find someone, maybe like Sarah here, to be happy with."

The petite girl had shot off the sofa. "He's not fucking gone!" she snapped at his mother. If Bryan hadn't been so shocked and speechless at her outburst, he probably would have found his mother's stunned look funny.

"Stop talking about him like he's gone," Sarah demanded, swiping at her eyes again.

"Oh...my...I..." his mother sputtered.

Bryan gaped at Sarah, shocked that she'd yelled at his mother like that. But he'd nearly done it himself about ten times already, so he couldn't fault her for finally losing it. He smiled up at her when she glanced at him in horror for what she'd just done.

Sarah sighed heavily, her cheeks blushing in shame for losing her temper. "Mrs. Foxgrove, I'm so sorry," she apologized in a hushed whisper. "I so didn't mean to yell like that."

Bryan noticed his mom looked a bit perturbed now that she was over the initial shock.

"I just... I..." Sarah looked over at Bryan, and he could see the same dark circles under her emerald eyes that he had under his. "We aren't ready to dismiss Wyatt so soon."

"Oh, my dear," his mom sighed, looking chastised, "I didn't mean it that way at all."

Bryan finally broke in. "Really, mom? Because that's what it sounds like every time you assure me you'll be there to help me 'move on'."

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. You know I love you. I'm only trying to help you. I hate that this man has hurt you so badly—"

"He didn't fucking hurt me, mom!" Bryan shouted. "The asshole who stole him from me did!"

"Bryan!" his mother huffed at his language, her eyes darkening. "You don't get to yell at me like that! I know you're upset, but yelling at me won't help."

Bryan grunted. She was right, but it still made him feel better to vent.

"And he has hurt you," his mom said softly, coming to sit next to him, and placing her hand on his knee. "He took something that you gave away so easily...your heart. I know you're upset right now, sweetheart." Bryan looked up at her with watery eyes. "I know you're hurting. I'm just trying to tell you I'm here for you. I'm sorry if I'm not doing it well."

He managed a faint smile. "I'm sorry, mom. I'm just not ready to give up hope." Fuck, he'd never be able to give up hope...

Her smile caused the small crinkles to appear by her eyes. "I know, sweetheart."

And he'd heard in his mind the words she hadn't said: She would be there when he'd finally did lose all hope. Right now, he felt like that time was approaching way too fast.

When Sarah arrived at almost six o'clock, Bryan actually had managed to print out three of his favorite pictures of Wyatt, including one of the both of them. It had been hard looking back through some of them, but he'd been determined. Even though it took him several hours just to stop shaking long enough to trim the pictures to the size of the frames, he felt a sense of relief that he'd done it.

He'd left the picture of his dad, mom, Eddie and him as well as the picture of just him and his big brother. The other frames now housed pictures of Wyatt. While it made his heart ache to see Wyatt's smiling face sitting on the mantle, it also gave him hope.

He wondered briefly if Wyatt had ever felt slighted by the fact his picture never made it to the mantle when he...

Oh, God, Bryan felt the air rush out of his lungs. Had he really been about to say 'when he was alive'? Had he already begun to give up his faith?

Fortunately, Sarah had arrived before he'd drifted too far down the dark path. She'd immediately noted the way he was sitting on the couch, just staring toward the fireplace and edged in next to him.

He knew when she noticed the changes in his collage because her body stiffened. Then she relaxed against him, rubbing at his thigh.

"They're beautiful, Bryan," she said softly.

"He's beautiful," Bryan whispered.

"Yes, he is."

For several minutes, they sat in silence, just staring. Then he felt Sarah's soft lips kiss his temple. "Let's go out. You need to get out of here for a bit."

He could only nod as she took his hand in her smaller one and dragged him off the couch. As she helped steady him, he realized again how beautiful she was. No wonder his mother kept hinting at them getting together. He suspected Sarah was her ideal woman for him—small, petite, polite (usually, anyway). His mom just had no clue that would never happen. They were friends, great friends, but only friends.

"We'll grab something to eat and go for a walk. Okay?" She bounced a bit as she pulled him to the door.

He checked again that his phone was in his pocket. He didn't ever want to be without it... just in case.

Dinner was a quick bite at Chipolte, where Sarah ordered a salad and Bryan ordered a burrito. As they ate, Sarah told him all the gossip happening at work, reminding him that several of his co-workers were thinking about him. He really didn't need to hear that part. He was tired of all the 'prayers'. He wanted results.

Afterwards, they ended up walking toward the park. He had actually avoided it until now, unable to face the place where he'd so recently asked Wyatt to marry him. But Sarah wanted to, so he followed.

It was strangely quiet. He was so used to hearing the squeals of children on the playground, or the shouts of kids playing soccer, even the rhythmic thump of skateboard wheels flying down the sidewalk.

It was almost eerie. It was like...

He stopped as he came around the bend to the fountain. Sarah's gasp next to him was muted as his heart pounded suddenly in his ears.

He could barely understand what he was seeing.

The bench. Wyatt's bench. The one he loved. It was filled and surrounded with flowers, stuffed animals, cards, and signs of prayer. Bryan's heart lurched as he shook his head, not wanting to see it. It seemed too much like a memorial, like a funeral.

"Oh, fuck. I can't breathe," Bryan slumped over, bracing his hands on his knees, then dropping to his heels in a squat.

Sarah clutched his shoulders as she fell to her knees before him. "Bryan. Bryan, listen to me. This is a symbol of hope, okay. It's a vigil, a sign of how much Wyatt was—"

His head snapped up.

"—is, is loved," she quickly corrected but she knew her blunder had already done it's damage. "Fuck," she breathed. "I'm sorry."

He just nodded dully. He knew she had to have been thinking the possibility of finding Wyatt alive was getting slimmer and slimmer each day he was gone. He'd done the same thing.

"Yo, Bryan," a young male voice called. It was strangely more subdued than he usually remembered it being.

He looked over to see several teens sitting around the fountain. Some were perched on the edge, others on the ground leaning against the base. Skateboards were propped up next to Nick and Greg. Alex had his foot on his, idly rolling it back and forth. Stuart was spinning a wheel where his sat in his lap. Marc waved at him from where he was sitting on his board.

There were others, a few girls mixed in with the small crowd, but he didn't know them. Bryan wondered why he hadn't noticed them before but realized they were talking in hushed whispers for the most part.

"You okay, man?" Alex called sympathetically.

Bryan finally managed to rise back to his feet. He nodded at the teens. "Hi."

They all murmured greetings. Of course all of the kids knew who he was. His face had been in the news right along with Wyatt's in Sgt. Woods's plea for help. Strangely, unlike many adults that had approached him, these kids didn't start telling him how sorry they were, how they knew everything was going to be just fine.

Because they knew it might not be. He could see it in their faces, highlighted by the fading sunlight. Some had already accepted Mr. Kinnon was gone and wouldn't be coming back. Others just kept their hope to themselves. And Bryan was grateful for their quiet respect and vigilance over this 'tribute' to their favorite teacher.

"I'm doing as well as can be expected," Bryan said, noncommittally as he stepped closer.

The boys just nodded in understanding. Bryan watched a few teens drift away quietly, others approaching and pausing for several minutes before moving on.

Marc picked at a piece of rubber off his shoe where he had one leg crossed over the other. "My dad's really trying."

Oh, shit. Bryan hadn't realized how Sgt. Woods might feel having failed to find Wyatt so far, or how Marc might feel knowing it was his dad who hadn't managed to find his missing teacher.

"Marc, I know your dad is doing everything in his power for Wyatt," he said forcefully, making sure the boy was listening. "He's done sooo much more than anyone else. I am so very grateful that you called him like you did. Without you, no one would have helped me for at least another day. You gave your dad, and me, and Mr. Kinnon an extra day, to find things that might never have been found—like his cell phone. God, if we'd had to wait until Sunday to make a report, the garbage truck would have taken it away Monday morning and we'd have no clue where it had been dropped."

"Yeah," Stuart agreed. "We told you that."

Alex punched Marc's arm. "Yeah, stupid."

Finally a slight smile emerged on the teen's face as he accepted the slight praise. "Dad would have killed me if I'd not said anything."

Bryan chuckled. "I doubt that, but I know he's grateful you did. We all are. Mr. Kinnon is."

He felt Sarah squeeze his arm in reassurance. She did that a lot, and Bryan abruptly realized just how much he needed it.

"Let's go get some ice cream, kids. My treat. Mr. Kinnon wouldn't want you all sitting around waiting on him, now would he?" Bryan offered with a small smile.

Nick nudged Marc until he smiled. "Nah, he wouldn't."

The subdued atmosphere was broken by the animated excitement of getting free ice cream, as the teens jostled to get up. Bryan led them over to the ice cream truck that perpetually inhabited a spot at Marshall park.

He listened to anecdotes on the way over that often began with "You remember when Mr. Kinnon..."

While he laughed along with the teens, he couldn't help sharing a glance with Sarah. She offered him a soft smile.

What if those 'remember when's' were the last ones they ever had?

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Sarah had spent the night on his couch again last night. The trip to the park had been hard, and Bryan was an emotional wreck.

Both of them had collapsed on the couch and curled up together to watch some mindless TV, neither one of them wanting to voice their worries again. But every time the phone rang or he heard a car approach, Bryan felt his body tense. He felt like he was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, the one where Sgt. Woods came to the door and told him. "I'm sorry, Mr. Foxgrove, but..."

He knew Sarah expected it too, but she was trying to hide it for his sake. He'd probably have made himself sick if she hadn't been here to keep him from spiraling into a pit of despair.

This morning, he woke to find coffee already made and a muffin waiting for him on the counter with a simple note: Eat!

He chuckled as he managed to swallow it down before dragging himself to the shower and a much needed shave. After staring at his mantle yesterday, he had realized in his self-pitying anguish that he had neglected another person he loved dearly.

Sarah was ecstatic when he told her he was going to visit his brother today. She'd said at least then she'd know he wasn't passed out in bed all day while she was slaving away at work. They'd laughed, something he could hardly do these last few days without thinking of Wyatt.

He had decided to go alone this time. While he loved his mother, he wasn't in the mood to deal with her looks of pity or offers of sympathy today. He needed Eddie, and Eddie alone. He could relax and enjoy the simplicity of being with his older brother. Of being with someone who didn't know the devastating turn his life had taken.

The drive to Beacon Estates, Eddie's assisted living home, seemed longer than usual. Maybe it was the little things, like finding Wyatt's last pack of gum in the console, or the fact that Wyatt's extra pair of sunglasses were in his little flip down glasses holder.

As he approached the doors, he pasted on a false smile as he greeted the receptionist and signed in.

"Oh, Eddie will be so excited to see you. He says he missed you this weekend."

"I know, it's been too long since I've been by. I've... I've been dealing with... something this week," he choked out.

Her eyes softened. "Oh, yes, and I'm so very sorry. I'm sure everything will be okay."

But it wouldn't. Everyone who said that already knew it wouldn't. They just liked to sound hopeful, to keep offering him false encouragement.

So he just nodded politely.

"He's, uh, in the common room, I think," she added solemnly.

"Thanks."

Bryan found Eddie playing ping pong with one of the other residents. He stood watching the unrestrained joy on his brother's face for a few moments before walking over. The delight that lit his brother's face when he turned and noticed him struck Bryan hard.

Damn. He should never have stayed away so long. Fuck, if he lost Wyatt...

Eddie would be all he had. And his mother too, but she was different. Sometimes Bryan felt like he had to earn his mother's affection. But Eddie loved him unequivocally, just as Bryan did Eddie.

"Bryan!" Eddie flew at him, and Bryan braced himself for the crushing hug as his brother engulfed him.

"Hey, big brother!" he laughed, forcing his voice to stay upbeat.

Eddie's grin was infectious, and Bryan found himself smiling for the first time in five days, really smiling.

"Let's play!" Eddie demanded, waving the ping pong paddle. Bryan noticed his previous opponent had left the paddle and wandered off, distracted by the TV.

They spent nearly a half hour playing ping pong before Bryan had to call it quits. "You win, Eddie. I give up. You are the master."

Eddie did a small Rocky run in a circle, and Bryan laughed. They played a game of checkers before heading to the dining room to have lunch. They were serving mac & cheese with the chicken and green beans, and Eddie gleefully scarfed it down.

"The box fell in the pantry," Eddie said between mouthfuls.

"It did?" Bryan often wasn't sure what Eddie might be referring to but that wasn't uncommon. Most of the time Eddie said things that didn't make sense. Eddie often lived in his own little world. They had all learned to go with it. "When?"

"This morning."

"I see. Maybe that's why they made it today for lunch. The mac & cheese jumped off the shelf because it knew you wanted it," Bryan teased.

Eddie frowned momentarily, obviously not getting Bryan's joke. "Sorry, just teasing."

Eddie smiled then before looking meaningfully at Bryan's lump of cheesy goodness. Bryan laughed again, shoving his plate at his brother. "Have at it, big guy."

After lunch, they stopped by Eddie's room to get his coat. Eddie put his thumb to the keypad at his door to unlock it. The keyless entry was perfect for the residents as they often forgot to carry a key. Bryan had loved that aspect of the facility—Eddie was treated with respect and dignity, even having the ability to have a locked door to his personal space.

Of course, it could be overridden by the staff in an emergency, but most of the patients here just needed a little extra help functioning. Bryan wished again his mother hadn't talked him into sending Eddie to a home at all, but at least he admitted this was one of the best. Eddie had even asked for Bryan's fingerprint to be granted access to his room.

After grabbing coats, they headed out to the garden gazebo for some fresh air. It was one of Eddie's favorite places, probably because it reminded him of the gazebos at home. Bryan always tried to make sure Eddie ventured outside when he was there.

Bryan froze as they approached the latticed structure. Eddie had stopped on the step and turned to him. An image flashed through his mind, nearly bringing him to his knees. Just over a week ago, he'd imagined Eddie standing in a similar gazebo on his mother's plantation next to him while Bryan joined hands with the man he loved.

"Bryan?" Eddie cocked his head, obviously confused by Bryan's sudden change of mood.

Bryan used his sleeve to wipe at his eyes before approaching his brother.

"Bryan okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Eddie," he assured, forcing a smile. "Just thinking."

"It makes you sad," his brother observed.

"It does," Bryan admitted.

"What makes you sad?" Eddie pressed, and Bryan could tell Eddie wanted to fix it. He usually did.

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Eddie. It's just... it's just about Wyatt, that's all," he sighed.

Eddie frowned. Bryan figured he was trying to remember their previous talks about Wyatt.

"You remember me telling you about Wyatt, right?" Bryan tried to jog Eddie's memory, but it was entirely possible Eddie didn't remember him talking about Wyatt since they had never met. Eddie was very visual and tactile. If Bryan had brought Wyatt by and Eddie had had the chance to see and probably hug Wyatt (because he was sure Eddie would hug him, he hugged everyone), then Eddie would know who he was talking about.

"Wyatt makes you sad? Did he not say sorry?" Eddie frowned, cocking his head questioningly.

Bryan raised his brow. What the hell did Eddie mean? "Why would he say he's sorry?"

"Mama said he needed time out. Then he come home and say he sorry for hurting you, and you be happy again. But you are sad."

Bryan's heart clenched at the anguish in Eddie's voice, he seemed so confused. Damn his mother for even talking to Eddie about Wyatt and pushing her ideas that Wyatt had left him as 'taking a time out.' Poor Eddie's limited view of the world obviously had him simplifying Wyatt's disappearance to a simple hurt, punishment, apology cycle.

"It's okay, Eddie. Just... it's not something you need to worry about, okay?" Bryan reassured.

Eddie leaned into him. "He say he love you."

Bryan heart lurched in his chest at Eddie's statement. It caught him so off-guard he didn't know what to say. It was a bit odd that Eddie would say that, but Eddie didn't always convey things in the most coherent way. Bryan had probably told Eddie several times that he loved Wyatt and Wyatt loved him too. He'd often reassured Eddie he was happy that way. "Yes, yes, Wyatt does say that a lot."

Eddie smiled. "Mama and Eddie make Bryan happy again."

"You always make me happy, Eddie." Bryan reached out to give his brother a big hug.

"Mama say he's tired. Might need help going home later."

Bryan tried to make sense of his brother's ramblings. It was an odd thing to say, even if Eddie had no idea that Wyatt hadn't actually left him voluntarily. Again, he fervently wished his mother hadn't dragged poor Eddie into this. It was too much for him to comprehend.

"Yeah, uh, Eddie, I think I need to be heading home now, before it gets too late," Bryan said, even though he knew Eddie would be disappointed.

The slight frown broke Bryan's heart. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

Eddie nodded quickly. They both rose and headed back into the common rooms. He gave his big brother another huge hug as he said good-bye.

"Love you, bro," he said.

"You too, Bryan."