Toph's Empty Year - 16. Early April

Texas.

Breathtaking. The sun was not yet above the horizon but brightly reflected off clouds in the distance. I perceived roses, grays and a slight steel-blue cast, reflecting the gulf below. Some higher clouds, nearer shore and in slight silhouette, showed bright rose tinges as the sunlight caught their rearward billows. Breathtaking. The sun was not yet above the horizon but delicately highlighted the hair splayed on the pillows beside me. I perceived sandy browns and dirty blonds, enhanced by the light now flooding our room. The colors outside seemed to warm as they entered the room, reflecting yellow, lemon and gold off the wall. I was not sure how long I had been observing every particle of his visible body, for my rapt attention precluded time.

When dawn eventually arrived, she did so bashfully. The full face of the sun was reduced to a blinding slit of light between the horizon and the bottom of distant clouds. While those enchanted moments had fled along with the darkness, night did not abandon me. I relived, yet again, the most rewarding and gentle lovemaking I had ever experienced. The panoply of colors which had surrounding us was beyond anything I had ever experienced.

Our first time, in New Glory, delivered what was required. Gary seemed to sense my needs and his lovemaking calmed my agitated state. My colors stabilized along with my temperament. The time pressure I had created was gently released, allowing me to consider my options from a more logical perspective. I don’t mean to make light of it. The sex was good, but we had not yet begun to learn each other’s physical and emotional demands for the long haul.

The next morning began a wicked few days of arrangements and preparation. While Gary was making airline and car rental reservations, I was describing the vacation to Naomi. She easily agreed to give me time off and thought it was a good idea to take this break before finishing my portfolio tasks. She also urged me to carry along enough sketchpads and pencils, since we would be a little remote.

I still didn’t know our exact destination when I had lunch at Happy’s. I wanted Betty to be aware I was to be gone. I only knew it would be on the gulf coast of Texas. Later, when I began to worry about what to bring, Gary advised packing lightly.

“Most of the time will be spent on the beach. Bathing suits, board shorts, tank tops, tees, sandals, sunglasses, sunscreen and a few hats will be enough. All the usual stuff you would want. It won’t be summertime, so a few light jackets for the evenings would be wise. As far as restaurant clothes, be very informal.”

“Where exactly are we going?”

Gary was on his laptop, finalizing airline reservations, so he brought up Google Maps to show me. He pointed.

“There’s Corpus Christi. That’s Padre Island, which is divided into various local names. We’ll be right there.”

He pointed to a spot on Padre Island, pretty much opposite Corpus Christi.

“You were able to get reservations so quickly?”

“We’ll be staying at a condo owned by my uncle. I go there when I need a break. He only uses it in September and October. Family members use it other parts of the year.”

After a quick shopping splurge, we were ready to leave. The air travel required a few connections, but we did arrive late afternoon in Corpus Christi at an airport larger than I had anticipated. Gary explained there was a huge naval air installation nearby. After picking up our car, we stopped at a friendly looking restaurant to eat before heading over the bridge. Finally, we arrived on the first night of our vacation.

I assumed we would both be tired and if we had sex, it would be perfunctory. How wrong I was. We had stopped for a few six packs before arriving. The room was stunning; the view even more so. We were on the fifth floor, which was the highest. Outside our living room was a balcony which overlooked the beach. The two of us were drawn to it and allowed ourselves to relax with a beer and the sound of breaking waves until darkness settled in.

Soon we were resting comfortably in bed, with me contentedly in his arms. Gary began an exploration of my body which seemed to awaken my nerve endings. Each kiss, each caress ramped up the sensations coursing through my body. When he entered me, everything made sense, was complete, was perfect. I was in virgin emotional territory.

The room was now in the full light of morning as Gary’s eyes opened. I smiled.

“Good morning.”

“How long have you been awake?”

“Hours?”

“Seriously?”

“It was still dark when I woke up.”

“What have you been doing? Having second thoughts? Worrying about your portfolio?”

I chuckled. “None of that. I’ve been looking at you.”

“For hours?”

“Mm-hmm. I was watching the colors shift as the sun rose.”

“Maybe we should shower and find breakfast?”

“Probably.”

I bent over and kissed him. “Last night was perfect. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did.”

“Probably more so. It was a little magical, wasn’t it?”

We grabbed breakfast at a hotel a few places down the beach. It wasn’t particularly beach weather, but it was pleasantly in the seventies and was reasonably calm. That day began a lazy routine for us.

Gary’s idea was to spend most of the time basking in the sun, not doing much of anything. His uncle’s condo unit was in a small building right on the beach. There was a pool at the condo but I thought, why be in a pool when you’re at the shore?

The evenings saw us with a glass of beer or wine on the patio to relax and watch the sky display an agglomeration of colors till darkness took over. We would then retire and make love. It was a beautiful pattern we fell into. And speaking of falling, I was beginning to love Gary a little more each day. The sex was always romantic and caring. Love and delight were always in his eyes. The General had captured my heart. For the first time since Steve, I began to think of forever. I was determined this wasn’t going to be a repeat of the dangerous threshold I had backed away from in the past.

The first few days were very pleasant. I made sure he experienced what I had awakened to that first morning. Thereafter, Gary and I wandered outside for sunrise, which explodes across the Gulf. There always seemed to be broken clouds on the horizon; probably thunderstorms brewing for somewhere else. It made each sunrise a unique, colorful and beautiful experience. I even grabbed a few photos every single morning with my phone, thinking I might discover a sky I could use in some painting. I began to notice a cute little pattern.

This pattern was in the behavior of kids. I’m sure there is no school building too near here, so they must have traveled some way, perhaps even across a bridge from the mainland. But each morning before sunrise, cars and pickups would materialize on the beach with high-school-aged kids appearing. They would sit in the sand and watch the sunrise. Some would briefly break into and out of the water, some would only sit and talk. Several were obvious couples, but there were also small groups of friends simply enjoying the morning and maybe a little Frisbee. Then at about 7 to 7:30, they would all vanish, no doubt having headed off to school. Late afternoon would find them back. Some would even stay until sunset, accompanied by coolers packed with light picnics. One pickup even carried its own small grill in the back. The boys would dutifully unload it, cook whatever they had brought, and it would be cooled by the time they left.

During this afternoon time we would also see some younger kids who weren’t old enough to drive. Sometimes they would skateboard down the concrete walk that ran for miles at the back of the beach. A few, we noticed, had arrived on bikes. Their homes and school couldn’t have been too far away.

On the third day, Gary and I were sitting on our blanket when I felt the urge to kiss him. I normally didn’t do this in public, but everything simply felt so wonderful. I think I was finally starting to recharge and loosen up. As I pulled back from the kiss, I noticed two boys approaching. They were both watching the kiss. I tensed up, not knowing what to expect. We were in Texas after all. I didn’t really think they were any particular threat, since they were both only about fourteen. One was a cute blond and the other was an even cuter brunette. Surprisingly, they dumped their stuff about 10 feet from us. This was rather close, by the standards of the huge and mostly empty beach.

They shucked their backpacks, then footwear, then school shirts and finally khakis, revealing board shorts underneath. Totally ignoring us, they took off for the water and frolicked for a while. When they returned, they lay on their towels and quietly talked, then repeated their water fun. Next time they were back on their towels, drinking up whatever sun they could, drying out. It was then they packed up to leave, but both looked directly at us. I noticed they had dropped bikes at the end of the steps, which they walked back up to the concrete strip and soon rapidly disappeared into the distance, no doubt to get home in time for supper.

Nothing was too unusual about it, except for the stares they gave us upon arrival and departure. The next day they were back. Gary and I weren’t kissing this time when they arrived. However, they both looked at us again, and then dropped their stuff. It was pretty much a repeat of the previous day, including the final stare before they left.

The third day things were a little different. After stripping down to board shorts, they looked at each other for a moment, and then walked over to us. The brunette spoke to me.

“Are you boyfriends?”

“Yes, we are.”

He turned to the blond. “Told ya.” Then they scampered away and into the surf. They pretty much ignored us until it was time to leave. They both looked at us again.

This time the blond blushed a little.

“Bye!” Then they were off.

That evening Gary and I decided to have our meal in Corpus Christi. Our dinner conversation actually revolved about those boys. Gary figured they were together too and felt safer camping close to us. I wasn’t completely convinced they were boyfriends. After all, they were awfully young.

“I’ll bet they’re really close best friends.”

He smirked. “Shall we bet?”

“You’re on!”

We decided to set up our blanket in a different location the next day, to see if they would park in the same spot or set up near us again.

Sure enough, they found us and again dropped their stuff about 10 feet away. This time, after they were in their shorts I motioned them over. When they ran up, I looked at the brunette. I turned the tables on him. “Are you boyfriends?”

He broke into a big smile, while the blond blushed a little.

“He’s my boyfriend, but I’m not his.”

Gary and I quickly looked at each other. Then Gary said, “OK. Go have fun in the water, but when you’re done, you’ve got to explain that to us.” They giggled and took off. Gary looked at me. “Do you have any idea what he meant?”

“I have a few guesses, but I suppose we’ll have to wait to find out.” While the boys were in the water, I ran back to the condo, retrieving my sketchpad.

By the time they returned and dried off, I had completed decent sketches of each of them. Instead of simply coming over to us, they brought their stuff and dropped it right next to our blanket.

“Is this OK?” The blond boy had a hopeful look on his face.

“Sure!”

“Whoah! That’s us!” The brunette had noticed my sketches. “Dude, you’re SO good!”

“Thanks. Now, you promised to explain how you two can be boyfriends in only one direction.”

The cute brunette began.

“Well, he likes me enough to be boyfriends, and I sure like him. The problem is J’s parents. They go to this crazy little church J doesn’t even like. But every week all they dump on are gay people. They don’t even realize we’re friends anymore. They actually told J to stay away from me, but he can’t resist me.” He broke out into a devilish smile, while the blond boy rolled his eyes and briefly stuck out his tongue.

“J figures if I’m his boyfriend, it would make him officially gay and, of course, he can’t be gay. So while he’s my boyfriend, I’m stuck with just being his best friend. It works out pretty good though.”

“Do you guys ever kiss?”

The blond answered this time. “Every chance we get.”

“Well then, what does it matter what you call it?”

“See. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” the blond boy said again to the brunette. They were beyond adorable together.

For the rest of our vacation, the boys were our beach neighbors. They didn’t carry on too many conversations with us – after all, we were old people. They did converse a lot between themselves, and it was a ton of interesting stuff. Of course, we only understood a part of what they were saying. Each evening our meal conversation became the deciphering of that day’s overheard comments. In addition to my sketchpad, I began filling up a small notebook with everything they said. I had no idea why, but it was so delightful, I didn’t want to ever forget a single word.

Toward the end of our stay in Texas, I received a text from brother, for the first time ever. I knew Charles had gotten the number from Niles, so receiving the text from him didn’t completely shock me. And, of course, we were never adversarial.

“Toph! Just a quick text to see how you’re doing.”

“Fine, Charles. Actually Gary and I are on the gulf coast of Texas right now, having a little vacation.”

“Gary?”

“He’s a guy I’m sort of falling for.”

“Really? I’m happy for you Toph.”

“Me too. This vacation has brought us much closer together.”

“Isn’t this your first ever vacation? You never took those summer trips your friends all did.”

“Haha! You’re right! Gary makes me do all sorts of stuff I previously objected to.”

“Then you have a good man there, Toph. How serious are you?”

“I’m falling in love with him, Charles. I’ve been resisting him since we first met in September, but my walls have totally crumbled.”

“If for nothing else than removing your walls, I’m grateful to, him Toph. I always worried about you.”

We texted, off and on, for several days. Most of his texts were like that, but we both began to warm to each other, and they became even more casual. I had read some of them to Gary, who asked me all kinds of questions about him.

Charles also began talking about his latest girlfriend. I had never paid too much attention to the love life of this sibling. Apparently he always had trouble making relationships stick. He was very hopeful, with this girl, that would all change. He also became very gossipy with the preparations and intrigues surrounding Clarissa’s wedding. Charles also liked Teddy very much. This was another bit of information which made me eager to meet, and possibly befriend, Teddy. Since I began texting so much, the need for a more texting-friendly keyboard became apparent.

The shocker came in the last few days we were in Texas. I received a text from Clarence. Of course, he was always my enemy. There was never a dinner where he and my father hadn’t conspired to savage me. Probably more than anyone else, Clarence was responsible for my wall of emotionless sarcasm.

“Hey Toph, it’s Clarence. How are you doing?”

“Pretty good until I received your text.”

“Ouch! But deserved. I see you still keep your tongue sharpened.”

“What do you want, Clarence?”

“I need to apologize. I was never a very nice older brother to you.”

“That’s an understatement. Why the sudden pang of conscience?”

“I’m growing up, Toph. In a few months, I’ll be out of school and working on Wall Street. I don’t want this thing between us to continue. When you boycotted the family at Christmas it started slowly eating at me. I spoke with Austin. He said you’re different now.”

“Different?”

“Warmer.”

“Probably because I am away from you.”

“Ouch again!”

After that little exchange, the texting ceased until I read it back to Gary that night. We had a two-part conversation about it. The first part consisted of Gary trying to make me see how important it was to have close ties with my family. He was so concerned, it led to another wonderful lovemaking session. In spite of that, I remained unconvinced.

The next day, we had a frank conversation specifically about Clarence. I must admit, Gary understands the psychology of people much better than I. He pretty much broke down the relationship between Clarence and me. This was the first time I had ever attempted to understand what made Clarence tick. With Gary’s help, my brother’s insecurities and my resentments were painted as vividly as anything I had ever put on canvass.

Before, whenever thinking of my brother, I never had any ruth. Now, with Gary’s insight, he became a complex individual, warranting more delicate, or nuanced reactions from me.

I texted Clarence the following day, our last in Texas.

“I accept your apology and apologize to you for resenting you when I was younger.”

“Thank you, Toph! Thank you. Will you attend Clarissa’s wedding?”

“Yes, certainly. Assuming I’m invited, of course.”

“Oh, you will be. I’ll see you there.”

Warmth.

Warmth is what I felt at the end of our time in Texas. There was the warmth of my body from the sun, the warmth of some of my family reaching out to me, the warmth of the goodbye from our fourteen-year-old friends, and most importantly, the warmth of the very good person I was falling so completely in love with.

Those warm feelings and that incredible final night of making love with Gary were enough to guarantee me fond memories of Texas, forever.