The Journal of Chris Williams - 17. Journal 17

Journal entry 25:

I didn’t text Rory yesterday evening right after we met. It felt like I needed to give my mind time to wrap itself around what had happened. But I did text him this morning. It was short. After hitting send I felt like a dork for how plain it was. <This is Chris Williams. We met yesterday with our families.>

Part of me never expected to hear back from him. I am sure his father filled him in on me and all my problems. On all my crimes. Mr. Hanson has been… I guess nice is a good enough word. Nice to me since I got here. But I’m still afraid of him, and I really don’t think he likes me much, especially after yesterday.

I find myself wondering what it would be like to be near Rory. To be in his arms and have him hold me. To be touched by him and to touch him. I think most of it is my wolf messing with my mind. It feels like the majority of those thoughts are coming from him instead of me, even though we’re the same person. It gets confusing to decipher which part of my mind is doing something. God, if I had a human therapist, I’d get locked up in a padded room or maybe the dog pound the first time I said, “Well my wolf said so.”

That part of my mind remained silent when I was hurting people. He never tried to tell me to stop being an ass or bully. We both viewed my victims as prey meant to be chased, hunted, and claimed. I know it doesn’t work that way, but having a second and somewhat separate consciousness in my head, you’d think one of them would help me out when the other portion is causing trouble. And it’s usually the human side that screws up. That’s just an excuse for things I’ve done wrong, and it isn’t my wolf’s fault. He told me more than once I was the one who chose to follow Michael, so he naturally took to viewing him as our alpha. We are one and the same, but those things are my fault, since I can’t blame half my mind for things I did. What my wolf’s telling me now is to stop dwelling on the past. We’ve met our future. He wants to be near Rory if he’ll have us. I think the fur ball inside me is where all these odd thoughts and feelings are coming from. I don’t know enough about him to make any decision. I’ll have to wait and see what happens. I really shouldn’t have slept through the classes on lycan mating.

I was showering to go meet up with my parents when he texted me back. My mood changed to feeling all happy when I saw there was a message from him. <Hoped I’d hear from U. R U free at all today to meet and talk?>

I was meeting my parents for breakfast. Later, they were going to see the surrounding area beyond where I could currently travel without permission or an escort. The alpha did let me go to the Timberline Lodge with them when they arrived, but I don’t feel right about asking permission to go sightseeing. <Meeting parents for breakfast, but free anytime after while they go sightseeing.>

Almost instantly my message alert sounded. <Meet me at the coffee shop on the loop next to the ski rental shop at 1130?>

<I’ll be there.> I felt a bouncy Tigger-like excitement in my head as that damned wolf made his happiness known.

I grabbed my jacket and keys and headed out to meet my parents. The short walk and brisk air gave me time to think. Given how they used to comment on same sex couples, I was a little surprised yesterday they weren’t mad my mate appeared to be a man. Dad even said they loved me no matter what and encouraged me to see what could happen with Rory. Maybe more than just my attitude had changed since I left Parker Valley. Mom was all smiles when I got to the hotel. She and Dad were a little concerned since they could tell I hadn’t slept too well. They distracted my thoughts by telling me where they were going. They wanted to visit the Bonneville Dam and then drive down the Columbia River Gorge seeing a few of the waterfalls ending at Multnomah Falls. It’s supposed to be especially beautiful this time of year as the mist freezes and covers everything in ice. Dad offered to talk to Alpha Jennings or the beta to get permission to take me with them, but I said no. As much as I would like to go, I’m here as part of a punishment, and I’ll serve my time without asking for favors. Once my sentence’s over, I’ll see the sights around here and marvel at the area’s beauty. I think Dad was proud of me. My old attitude would have been to use my place as friend to the alpha’s son to get special treatment.

Mom asked me several questions about my thoughts on meeting Rory. I really didn’t know what to tell her, and I said as much. It was all still a shock to me. Dad reminded me again to keep an open mind. I jokingly asked him who he was and what he’d done with my real dad. He got a serious expression on his face and explained after I’d gotten in trouble, when I was sentenced to be exiled, they just wanted me to find peace and happiness in my life. Throughout my trial they thought they were going to lose me. When my life was spared, they realized they needed to change as much as I did.

He sat as he told me again they both felt bad for encouraging me so many times to maintain my friendship with Michael. For not listening to what I told them early on about how he was. Dad went on to say meeting someone’s true mate is the ultimate form of happiness for a lycan. He reached over and grabbed Mom’s hand as he said it, smiling at her with love. “I was incorrect when I said it was wrong for wolves of the same sex to be together because it didn’t benefit the pack with a new generation of pups. I’ve been able to see Aiden’s happiness with his mate. It’s what your mother and I found in each other. If you find as much joy with someone, even another man, who am I to have a problem with it. Besides, it’s the mate set forth by the lunar gods, and things like that are not to be questioned by anyone.”

I guess in the time I’ve been away, my parents have grown like I have.

I voiced my concern about Rory being the son of the enforcer. After everything I got into being around an alpha’s son, I was scared of even becoming friends with anyone tied to a position of power. Dad’s hand once again on my shoulder was comforting. “Rory is not Michael, and you’ve grown a lot since you arrived here. Just the fact you’re questioning it shows how much you’ve changed.”

Mom took my hands. “If you have even the slightest impression he’s in any way like Michael was, you can refuse him as your mate. If that’s the case, we’ll help get you to another pack. You won’t know until you meet him though. Maybe you should even tell him your concerns.” She kissed my forehead. I’ve missed things like that from when I was little.

I let them know I planned to meet Rory around lunch time. Mom grinned ear to ear and felt the need to point out he’s quite handsome. I shrugged but couldn’t help grinning in agreement. It felt so weird discussing how handsome a guy was with my mom. When she said something about being disappointed she probably wouldn’t get any grandpups, I mentioned I could always find a hot she-wolf to knock up if it would make her feel better. Dad did his best not to laugh while Mom hit my arm with a rolled up magazine. I guess it’s better than getting hit on the nose with it. They said Rory and I were both young and would have plenty of time to think about things like that, but she wouldn’t object to someday becoming a grandmother.

She finally let me off the hook about Rory and me having pups of my own and started talking about their thoughts on possibly moving out here. They would know more after seeing the area and speaking with the alpha to find out if he would even allow the move. Then there was checking on job possibilities. Dad seemed to like the idea of moving. Nothing was said about it, but I’m sure it can’t be easy for them back home to be known as being the parents of one of the two worst wolves in the pack’s history. I guess they’re in good company for that since my teacher and mentor was the alpha pair’s son.

I know what you’re going to say about the last statement, Doc. But in my past life that is what I was. I’m not the same wolf but as long as I keep in mind who I was, hopefully I’ll never become that person again.