The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 18. The Divison

I’d never seen anything like the darkness of that night. It seemed like the night was feeding off the pain in his words. As if the gravestones surrounding us were merely taunting what he had said. I looked up to the sky, hoping to see maybe a handful of stars, but the nearby New York City lights made sure to shine bright enough to take them away without actually supplying us any light. Ryder slowly pulled away from me and crawled forward slightly. He almost blended in with the darkness. It was like the air knew him, like it was welcoming him into it.

“You’re scared,” he spoke, breaking the silence that had been sitting for at least ten minutes, “of what?”

“Nothing,” I lied, trying my hardest to get a good look at him.

“That’s not true.” He exhaled, staring off into the darkness. “You’re scared of me?” he guessed.

“No!” I shut him down, not wanting to hear anything else. “I’m scared because I’m sitting in a pitch black cemetery at 11pm. You’re the only person who wouldn’t be scared.”

“My band practices out here, they don’t find it scary.” He shrugged, his words were coming out in an almost cold tone, as though he wasn’t actually there. “But that’s not the type of scared I meant. You’re scared…”

“I’m scared that you’ll become too famous too quick.” I interrupted, before he could take another guess. He turned around and let out a sigh, finally having the answer he was looking for. “I want you to be successful, I do,” I quickly clarified. “But you have a lot you need to work through.” I shook my head, carefully thinking over everything he had just told me. “And I don’t know, once you have a hard schedule and are around musicians all the time, I’m just scared music won’t be a big enough outlet anymore.”

A faint laugh escaped his lips as he heard my words. “Music will always be a big enough outlet.” He tried to comfort me with his words.

“But how do you know that?” I forced out, not sure if I wanted the answer.

“Because I’m still here.” He shrugged, same distant tone carrying through his voice. A shiver ran down my spine as he turned around like his words where nothing.

“What?” I shook my head, still trying to understand around what he was saying.

“It got me through both my parent’s death. I can’t see anything being worse than that.” He stood there and stared into the distant black.

“Yeah,” I let out, unsure what else to say. I sat there for a few seconds, just letting his words hit me. “Ry?” I forced out, still not quite sure what I should do. “You’re scaring me.” I slightly moved up so I could be next to him and rested my head against his shoulder.

“I know, we just spoke about…”

“No,” I interrupted in a sigh. “I don’t mean scared about the future, I mean you’re scaring me right now.”

“Oh” He let out, leaning his head against mine. He sat there for a second, trying his hardest to figure out what I meant “Sorry, I guess it is kind of creepy how used to all of this…”

“No, not that either!” I couldn’t help but smile at how clueless he was “Do you hear how you’re talking?”

“Oh,” he repeated, as my words clicked in his head. “Sorry” I felt him shrug his shoulder, as he struggled to find words. “My grandma calls it zombie mode, I don’t even realize when I’m in it, sometimes it just happens.”

“Are you okay though?” I asked, as I nervously began to run my hand through the grass. “Like can I help at all?”

“Just hang out for a while.” He exhaled, pulling away from me and laying back on the grass. “I’m not in pain or anything. I’m just drained.”

“Okay.” I nodded, lying next to him under the dark summer sky. “What’s it feel like?” I let out, turning my head so I can see him. “You know to be depressed.”

He thought it over in his head before turning on his side to look at me “No one’s ever asked me that before,” he observed, as our eyes locked. “No one’s ever cared enough.” A light blush filled his face as he began to work out his answer. “I have major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. So, like most of the time I’m anxious which is why I get so fidgety and awkward. It just feels like everyone is staring at me, or talking about me. The worst part is, I want to write it off to the anxiety, but sometimes at school…I just can’t tell what’s real or not. Sometimes everyone is actually staring at me, or making jokes about me. I don’t know. It all just screws with me I guess.” Our hands met as I tried to offer him any support I could as he spoke. “When that ultimately fades the depression takes over and my head just feels, it feels…heavy.” He exhaled. “It feels like a million thoughts going on at once but none of them are clear. It’s like my brain’s overloaded with static and I just don’t feel like moving or saying anything. The static takes over, and numbs everything. Like time is standing still.”

“But when you get like that,” I began, but paused unsure if he was okay with my questions. He forced a soft smile, trying his hardest to show it was okay. “Does it really help if I’m there? Don’t you just want to be left alone?”

“Some people do.” He shrugged. “But not me. I’m alone with my thoughts enough. Having someone there, it’s like-like someone actually cares if something happened. It’s one thing to say you’ll always be there, but another to sit with me for an hour when my head’s just in a different state.” A blush filled his face as he got closer to me. “That’s how I beat my anxiety when it tells me you don’t actually care. It’s how, even when you don’t stand up for me, I know you want to date me.” The red on his face seemed to spread to mine as I was left speechless by his words. “You’re a lot better at helping mental illness than you think, maybe you should look into psychiatry.”

“Maybe.” I smiled, enjoying how open he’d become with me. “After I leave, you’re not going to go into a state are you?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “I’m so drained that I’ll probably just crash. But tomorrow morning, I have no idea what it’ll bring.” He reached over and ran his hand through my hair as he saw concern enter my eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. Sometimes it’s a good thing for me.” I couldn’t help but lean back at his words, how in the world can depression be good? He let out a faint laugh as he read the look on my face. “It can be cleansing. Like now I’m just tired, and sad, and it’s like all the emotions from losing my parents are at the surface. If I’m in a deep depression for a few days, once I start feeling better, it’s like all those feelings have been purged for a bit. It’s the same reason the Greeks loved tragedies. They make you cry and they make you feel sick to your stomach from being sad, but in the end, there’s a bittersweet peace to it all.” I think he could tell by the look on my face that he’d completely lost me. “I hope you never understand what I’m talking about.” He laid a light kiss on my forehead. “I hope no matter what happens in your life, that you keep finding the light in it all.”

“I can do that,” I reassured with a smile. “But for right now I think I’m going to just enjoy being with you.”

He gently nodded his head as our eyes connected. “Can we do this again soon?”

“Sure! I know this great Italian place down by,”

“No,” he interrupted. “Just lay together and talk. No one really listens to what I have to say. You’re one of the only ones.”

“Just wait,” I encouraged. “Pretty soon, everyone is going to be listening to what you say. It’s only a matter of time.”

He lightly bit down on his lip, thinking about the future that awaited him. I could tell he was excited, that he understood just how big his destiny was. But I could tell he was scared. He understood how much pressure was going to be placed on him. What it was going to be like up on that stage. “But you were the first.” He spoke quietly, finally breaking the silence. “I’ll never forget that.”

“Technically Blake was the first,” I corrected, wishing I could honestly own that title.

“No.” Ryder shook his head. “Blake’s seat was just next to me in English. It’s complete luck that his last name is Ramsey and mine is Sullivan. But you, you chose to talk to me. You could’ve invited me to your party and ended it there, but here we are.”

“Here we are,” I repeated in a confident voice. “And where are we headed next?”

“Only God knows.” He exhaled, staring up at the starless sky.

I nodded my head and let silence fill the air. There was a certain peace that seemed to surround us that was chasing away the darkness we had been sitting in. I’m not sure how long we were laying out there, or if we even fell asleep or not, but when we finally stood up hours had passed.

“Shit!” I let out, standing up and checking my phone. “It’s three in the morning! My parents are totally going to kill me! I have like 100 missed calls!”

“They’re cool though.” Ryder shrugged, taking my hand and leading me through the darkness. “Just tell them what happened, I’m sure they’ll believe you.”

“I don’t know about that.” I groaned, as we slowly made our way through the cemetery. “What am I going to say? That we fell asleep in a cemetery star gazing?”

“Sure.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, that’s what happened isn’t it?”

“Yeah but I can’t tell my parent’s that!” I yelped. “They’ll never believe it.”

“Why? Did you give them reasons not to?” he wondered, applying some pressure to me.

“No!” I quickly shook my head. “But I mean come on. Disappearing for hours after going on a date? They’re totally going to think something’s up!”

“Well you’re the king of being fake, figure it out,” he teased, giving me a light nudge with his shoulders. “Either way it can’t be as bad as dealing with her.” He groaned, seeing a frail silhouette sitting on his porch.

“Nice of you two to finally make it home,” she called out, seeing us wandering out of the darkness.

“We’ve been home,” Ryder defended. “We just feel asleep is all.” She gave him a cautious look before leaning forward in her rocking chair. “Swear to god,” he continued. “When we got home, I saw those damn potheads roaming around in the lot again. Teddy helped me chase them out. Then I took him to the new plot, and we laid down for a bit and I guess we just kind of passed out.”

“Is that true?” his grandma asked, turning towards me.

“Yes ma’am,” I quickly supported. “We went to the patch of grass all the way in the back.”

She nodded her head, putting her faith in our words. “Anything visit you two while you were out there?”

“Grandma!” Ryder sighed, preparing himself for her stories. “He’s already scared of the cemetery enough, we don’t need your crazy old lady stories.”

“Old lady?” she repeated in a stricter tone. “Watch your mouth Ryder! I am not old! I’m 77! I still have plenty of years left here.”

“Lucky me,” he groaned under his breath.

“Besides the dead won’t hurt you, they just want to show you the way.” She continued, looking towards me.

“The way to where?” I asked, shifting my gaze towards her grandson.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s crazy.” Ryder muttered, taking in a deep breath. “I live with the village crazy lady.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” she chastised, shaking her finger at him. “Besides, it’s not like you’re all that sane.”

He shrugged his shoulders, accepting her words. “Teddy should probably get going now, I’m sure his parents are worried sick,” she advised, looking at my beaten down car siting in her driveway. “If that thing will even run that is!”

“Grandma!” Ryder reprimanded as she let out a sickly laugh. “Go to bed!”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead!” she argued, standing up anyway. “Goodnight Teddy. You’re welcome back whenever. And if you’d ever like to get over your fear you can,”

“Goodnight Grandma!” Ryder cut off, worried about what she would say next. She muttered something to herself before walking back into the rickety old home.

“You don’t have to be so mean to her.” I exhaled, slowly backing up to my car.

“That’s just how we talk to one another.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Especially when it gets this late.”

“You’re normally up until three?” I asked, not sure how to take his last few words.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Neither of us can ever sleep. Just something we have in common.”

“Okay then.” I smiled, shooting him a weird look. I guess it’s good they have one another. I mean, she seems absolutely crazy, but she’s friendly and kind. If that’s who he becomes, well there’s a lot worse ways to end up in this world.

“So, when’s Mike’s party?” Ryder asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

I shook my head, and looked over to him, trying my hardest to remember. “Um, probably like Wednesday or Thursday. I’ll text you.”

“Sounds good,” he accepted, pulling open my door for me.

“Yeah, so answer your phone,” I teased, laying a kiss on his lips. “And stop sending me snapchats of your room or the studio, I want to see your face.”

“You get what you get,” he teased, this time taking the initiative to kiss me.

“Stop!” I laughed, pulling away. “I need to actually get home before sunrise.”

“Need to, or want to?” he pestered, slowing shutting my door as I climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Ryder Sullivan, are you trying to flirt with me?” I giggled, looking up into his eyes.

“Maybe.” He shrugged, taking a step back so I could pull away. “But if you need to get home before sunrise…” he paused, waiting to see what I would say next.

“You’re the worst!” I laughed, finally pulling into reverse and starting to roll away. “Goodnight Ryder.”

The ride home seemed to last as long as a blink of an eye. There were a few seconds when I was worried I would nod off or zone out, but I was able to keep it together just long enough to make it inside. As I walked into the basement and up the stairs, I couldn’t help but groan as I heard the upstairs TV on. Please be dad, I kept repeating to myself as I pulled open the basement door and slowly walked towards the living room.

“Hey bud,” Dad sleepily called out. “I think you owe me an explanation.”

“Sorry,” I nervously began. “After The Barn, we went back to his place. He lives in skyline cemetery and there were kids smoking weed he had to chase. I didn’t want him getting them off the property alone, so I tagged along.”

“And that took until three thirty in the morning?” he groaned, not sure where my story was going.

“No, but after we laid down in the grass and fell asleep,” I felt a blush fall on my face as the words came out of my mouth. “Sorry, I guess I just lost track of time and all.” I paused when I noticed he wasn’t exactly biting.

“That’s the story you want to go with?” he asked, slightly tilting his head. “And your mom was worried I’d fall for anything! Boy you really must be tired.”

“I’m serious!” I insisted in a tired groan. “Why else wouldn’t I answer my phone, or text back? Check the miles on the car, I swear we were at the cemetery the whole night.”

“Relax, relax,” he waived off. “I believe you were at the cemetery, but come on I expect you to be a lot more imaginative than ‘falling asleep’. I get it, you’re young, you feel like you’re untouchable. But you can’t just disappear, it’s not like you.” He exhaled, showing the fatigue on his face.

“I know,” I accepted in a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Just please tell me you were both smart enough to be safe.” He grimaced with a hesitant look on his face.

“I’m sorry?” I let out, not following where he was coming from.

“I get it, there’s no risk of pregnancy. But you still are at risk for STIs, and other…”

“Whoa!” I interrupted before he could talk anymore. “We were just sleeping!”

“Come on Ted.” He shook his head. “It’s cool, I won’t let your mom know, but you,”

“I’m serious!” I exclaimed, as the blush on my face grew even brighter. “We were just sleeping.”

He shifted his mouth, trying his hardest to judge my response. “Okay.” He nodded. “I still expect you to be more responsible though,” he lectured. “Your mother has work in a few hours, and she’s barely slept a minute because she’s so worried.”

“I get it!” I let out, wishing I could just get to bed already.

“Good.” He finally smiled. “And when the day does come for you and Ryder, remember that you…”

“No! Dad!” I shouted, running towards the stairs. “We’re not having this conversation!”

“Alright, but I’m always here if you need advice!” As I made it halfway up the stairs I couldn’t help but turn back towards the man slowly getting up from the couch. Ryder never got this. He never got embarrassing conversations with his dad. He never came home late to find that, no matter how tired his dad was, he stayed awake just to make sure his son was safe. He never got to run to him when growing up was overwhelming or annoying. He never got to get his advice, or his love. I couldn’t help but walk right back down the stairs. “Bud?” dad asked, confused by what was happening.

“I love you,” I let out, walking up and embracing him.

“Oh, I didn’t think you’d actually take me serious. I mean I guess I can give you advice, but I don’t know too much about two guys.”

“No, not that” I interrupted, still holding onto him. “I…thank you.”

“You’re welcome?” he cautiously let out.

“Ryder’s dad killed himself when he was five.” I explained, trying my hardest to fend off emotions. “And he…I, I guess sometimes I forget how lucky I am.”

When my dad heard my words, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close to him. “I think we all do,” my dad began. “You, me, and your mother are all so lucky. I couldn’t’ve wished for a better son and wife.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as a feeling of safety washed over me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but god, did I hit the lottery with my parents. I mean, here I am coming home at three thirty in the morning, and he didn’t even raise his voice at me. I don’t know how I could ever pay them back. How I could ever show them how much I appreciate them.

“Bud,” my dad began once more as he let me go. “I should probably wait until your mother’s up to tell you, but this just feels like the right time.” I could hear how nervous he was, so I took a deep, steadying breath. “Me and your mom…your mom and I…” I clinched my fist, preparing for bad news. “Your mother is pregnant.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, not able to contain my excitement. “You mean? You’re? I’m?” I stuttered, not able to string together coherent words.

“You’re going to be a big brother.” My dad nodded in excitement.

“Oh my god!” I called out. “Oh my god!” Once more I found myself embracing my dad. “Mom’s totally going to kill you for telling me.”

“For telling you what?” I heard my mom’s voice faintly call out. I could see the confusion rise on her face when she appeared on the stairs. “What in the world are you two doing?”

“I-I’ll explain later,” my dad forced out. “But for now, well, Teddy knows.”

“Teddy knows what?” She asked while giving my dad the death stare.

“That you’re pregnant!” he happily cheered, hoping tired mom would take it a lot better than if she was fully awake.

“You’re an ass, Harry.” She shook her head, turning back towards the stairs. “I can’t leave you with Teddy for five seconds without you telling him everything under the sun.”

“Oh, come on!” he argued in a nice tone. “We were having a whole big father son moment and it just felt right.”

“Moron,” she dismissed, turning back towards me. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed you just got home.”

“Mom, I love,”

“Don’t even try it hotshot,” she warned as I headed towards the stairs. “We’ll talk about everything tomorrow, including you coming back at three in the morning.”

“It’s almost four,” Dad corrected, looking up towards his wife.

“Dad!” I yelped, giving him the same look my mother had just given him. “I thought you were on my side here!”

“Idiots!” she exhaled as she finally started climbing back up the stairs.

“Still feeling lucky?” he teased, giving me a nudge with his shoulder.

“Yeah.” I smiled and looked back towards him. “But did you really have to rat me out?”

“Had to take the heat off myself somehow,” He taunted, walking towards the stairs. “Goodnight Teddy.”

The next few days seemed to fly. Summer’s just really begun to hit its stride. If I wasn’t working out with Mike, I was at the lacrosse field practicing or at school working out some dumb student government issues. Worst of all, I would’ve dropped it all for just five minutes of Ryder but it seems his life isn’t any less chaotic. He basically moved into the studio, pushing himself to perfect everything there was about his E.P. It’s been five days since he told me it’s nearly done and yet he must’ve sunk another 72 hours into the damn thing! I know it’s going to be amazing. I know people are going to love it. I just hope for his sake it matches his expectations.

“Do you have the best boyfriend or what?” I teased, as I saw an anxious Ryder waiting for me on his porch. “I invite you to a party. I drive so that you can drink. I text, and snap you all the time. I’m nearly perfect.”

“Yeah, I should really count my blessings,” he provoked, stepping into the passenger’s seat and landing a deep kiss on my lips.

“Whoa,” I smiled, as our eyes finally connected. “Someone’s not playing around tonight.”

“I missed you,” he mumbled, anxiously tapping his fingers against the center console.

“I missed you too.” I blushed, beginning to slowly pull out of his driveway.

“I know I should’ve texted or snapped you more, but I just get so lost in working that I…”

“Don’t worry about it.” I giggled. “I get it.”

“I just feel like…”

“Ryder,” I interrupted, before he could drive himself crazy over it. “I never think you’re ignoring me. I never think you don’t like me. I mean, here you are all dressed up and going to a party for me. Can I really ask for more?”

“No.” He smiled, finally relaxing. He really was dressed up. Or as dressed up as Ryder could get. He was wearing another button-down flannel and a nice pair of skinny jeans. I could tell by the way he’d styled his black hair that he’d had another beanie/no beanie debate.

“Good.” I laughed once more. “And don’t you dare worry about tonight. I won’t let anything happen, I swear.” He anxiously nodded his head, carefully thinking everything over. I wish he could put more faith in my words, but I don’t blame him for being nervous. “Look,” I exhaled. “I honestly don’t know what this parties going to be like. I don’t know who’s going to be there, or what they’re going to say. But I swear to you I’ll be there protecting you.”

“I know,” he forced out, looking over to me. “Or it’s over.”

“Or it’s over.” I repeated with a nod of my head. When we pulled onto Mike’s street I couldn’t help but take a big gulp as I saw the long line of cars along the street. I slowly pulled behind one and rushed over to the passenger’s side of the car. “You ready?” I asked, opening his door for him.

“As I’ll ever be.” He groaned, anxiously gripping onto my hand. His nervousness seemed to flow through his hand and into mine as we grew closer to the house. I don’t know what’s going to come next, but I won’t let it split the two of us. I won’t let it get in our way.

“Only beer tonight, yeah?” I double checked, looking towards him.

“Yeah,” he agreed, as we finally walked towards the front door. With the little he had texted me Ryder told me about his meds and drinking on them. I doubt he’s supposed to be drinking at all but he swears he’s got a science to it. Just two or three beers and that’s it. It’s what he had at my party, and he was fine, so I trust him. Besides, I’m his boyfriend not his babysitter.

“Hey!” Mike shouted, as he pulled his door open “I didn’t think you were going to make it!”

“I told you I’d stop by.” I smiled, but as soon as our eyes separated I saw his go to Ryder’s.

“How you doing man?” he asked, fully knowing the only way I would come was if I could bring Ryder.

“Good.” Ryder nodded. “How’s baseball?”

“Alright.” Mike nodded, trying his hardest to carry the awkward small talk. I smiled at him, proud of how he was starting off the night. He reflected the smile before turning around and facing the party. “Teddy’s here!” he shouted, beginning to rile up the crowd.

I heard a few shouts and cheers as we followed Mike into the house, but those shouts and cheers soon turned to skeptical looks as people saw who I was with.

“Hey!” Blake shouted as he and Liz wandered over to us, trying their hardest to hide the hostile stares that were coming our way. “Look who finally fucking made it! Liz grab them beers!”

“Not for me, I’m driving.” I waved off as she begrudgingly wandered towards the table.

“Of course you are.” Blake rolled his eyes. “You live like ten minutes away, just fucking walk home.”

“I have Ryder with me.” I exhaled, surprised by how drunk he already was.

“Here’s a crazy idea,” he let out, grabbing a beer from Liz’s hand and giving it to Ryder. “Have him sleep over your place.”

“Mom’s not in the sleep over mood, I think it’s pregnancy hormones.” I teased, knowing I could get a reaction out of Liz.

“All you boys are the same!” she shouted. “A woman says no and you go right to blaming hormones! Maybe you’ve been acting like a little shit lately, and she knows you don’t deserve it.”

“Wow, so you haven’t drunk anything tonight, have you?” I giggled, raising my eyebrows towards Ryder.

“No!” she groaned, looking towards a drunk Blake. “I’m in charge of him all night.”

“Sounds like fun.” I teased with a smile.

“Watch it loser!” A heard a voice boom as one of the baseball players purposely slammed into Ryder. “Who even let you,”

“Yo!” I interrupted turning towards him. “Watch where you’re fucking walking.”

“I-“

“You walked right into him.” I finished for him. “So how about you go practice walking over there.” The player cursed under his breath as he walked away. I could tell he didn’t understand why I was sticking up for Ryder, but pretty soon they’ll all know. Every single one of them.

“Still think I’m being a little shit?” I teased, turning towards Liz.

She swayed her head and looked towards Ryder. “Congratulations, you finally stood up for him, but you have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Drink up pretty boy.” Blake teased, giving Ryder a friendly bump. “Because you’re in the perfect place for Teddy to make up some ground.”

I clicked my tongue at Blake, knowing he wasn’t helping the situation. “It’s cool.” Ryder nodded, finally speaking. “I know what I’m in for.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” I encouraged, flashing him a smile. “Now come on, let’s go introduce you to some people.”

“Teddy,” he groaned, still trying his hardest to fight off his anxiety.

“Trust me,” I reassured. “I’ll make sure it’s to good people.”

I spent the next hour or two introducing my boyfriend, Ryder, to all the different couples I knew at the party. First, to the lesser known people, so that Ryder could gain a rhythm, but pretty soon I was introducing him to other athletes. I could tell that most of them weren’t taking it too well, but I knew the lacrosse team would rally around me, I mean, I’m their captain, they have no choice.

“Watch yourself,” Mike warned, as word got to him about what I was doing. “Don’t fly too close to the sun.”

“Oh please,” I dismissed, as Blake walked over and pried a buzzed Ryder from my side. “Most of the people here are wasted anyway. Barely anyone will remember it.”

“Everyone will remember it.” Mike sighed, watching Blake and Ryder disappear into the crowd. “You like him enough to commit social suicide?”

“More than I’ve ever liked anyone in my life.” I let out, as Liz walked up to us.

Mike rolled his eyes and turned towards Liz. “Am I the only one who just doesn’t get it?”

“Get what?” She asked, just as sober as me.

“Ryder,” he answered, trying to find him in the crowd. “I just don’t get it,” he forced out, trying his hardest not to slur his words. “Why are you so okay with tanking yourself for him?”

“It’s not for us to understand,” Liz defended, before I could even answer. “He’s Teddy’s boyfriend. Not mine, not yours. We support it, no matter what.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But nothing!” she insisted, letting venom flow into her words. “What’s that stupid thing you boys say? Mess with one of us? Well why doesn’t that carry over to his relationship?” She paused to let Mike answer but quickly changed her mind. “I swear to god, I will slap you silly.”

“Alright, alright!” He sighed, throwing his hands up. “I let him come over, didn’t I? I’ve been nice so far, haven’t I?”

“He has,” I supported with a quick nod of my head.

She let out a long groan as she heard my words. “Teddy, you want to stand up for Ryder? Stand up to Mike.”

“Why?” I shook my head, not understanding her message.

“Because he could snap his finger and call off the bullying if he wanted to. He’s got a better handle over it than you,” she explained, maintaining eye contact with Mike. “And you know that.”

“No, he doesn’t,” I quickly argued, turning towards him.

“You know what? Fine!” She forced out. “But until the day you stand up to Mike, Ryder will always be haunted by this school.”

“Don’t you have someone you should be watching?” I asked, sick of the conversation.

“Don’t you?” she spit out, grabbing onto me and leading me towards where Ryder and Blake had wandered. I could tell she was mad at me, but she had no idea what the hell she’s talking about. Sometimes she’s just as blind as everyone else around here.

“Blake,” I groaned, seeing him shakily trying to drink water. “Where’s Ryder?”

“We did shots,” he happily let out, spilling water all over himself.

“What do you mean you did shots?” I asked, feeling my eyes grow wide.

“We did shots!” he repeated, not sure how else he could phrase it. “I thought you were supposed to be smart.”

“He’s not supposed to drink liquor!” I yelled, staring Blake down. “Are you out of your mind? Didn’t he tell you no!”

“Everyone says no to shots at first,” Blake argued, looking towards Liz for support.

“Relax,” Liz reassured, turning towards me. “I’m sure he’s fine. I mean, who hasn’t taken one too many shots?”

“He’s not supposed to drink hard liquor on his medicine!” I explained in a shout. “Where’s the last place you saw him?” I demanded, trying to keep my focus on Blake.

“I don’t know, he um, he went outside for air!” he yelled, smiling as though he had saved the day.

“Alone?” I asked, with even more power in my voice. “Are you insane?”

“Standing here yelling at him won’t help,” Liz sighed, catching my nerves. “I’m sure he’s fine, just, go!”

I nodded my head before quickly making my way to the back door. I could hear my heart begin to beat in my ears as I finally reached the sliding glass doors and noticed two or three baseball players standing outside with Ryder. I yanked opened the door, and immediately started to hear everything they were saying to him. ‘Faggot’, ‘school shooter’, ‘unwanted’, ‘useless’.

“Yo!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “What the fuck is the matter with you guys?” They took a step away, caught off guard by my scream. “What? You see someone stumble outside and you try and jump him? Are you fucking crazy?”

“We weren’t doing anything.” One of them dismissed. “Just relax.”

“I heard you!” I shouted, feeling anger begin to overtake me. “What the fuck’s the matter with you?”

“What the fuck’s the matter with you that you would even bring him here?” one of them argued, looking towards the other for support.

“Whoa!” I heard one of my teammates shout as he pulled open the door. “Don’t talk to Teddy like that.”

“Or what?” he asked, stumbling towards me.

“Or I’ll fuck you up.” He smirked, starting to puff his chest. “You pussy ass baseball players think you’re so tough, you’re just a whole bunch of…”

“Enough!” Mike voice carried through the growing crowd in the doorway, freezing everyone in their place. “What the fuck is happening here?”

“Nothing,” I answered, walking between the players and grabbing onto a trembling Ryder. As I finally got a look at his face I saw how pale and warm he was. I let out a concerned groaned as I grabbed onto him and started pulling him towards the gate.

“Teddy, come on man,” Mike called out, running up to me. “You don’t want to leave like this.”

“He’s sick Mike,” I shouted, barely slowing down.

“I-I’m fine,” Ryder forced out, barely able to make the sounds into words.

“No, you’re not,” I argued, shaking my head. “I never should’ve taken him here.”

“Come on man, I’ll have someone drive him home.” Mike shook his head, trying desperately to get a handle over the situation. “Just have a drink and relax.”

I briefly let go of Ryder and gave Mike a shove. “You’ll have someone drive him home?! Someone drive him home?!” I exclaimed, immediately grabbing Ryder once more. “Did you not see what the hell just happened? Maybe Liz is right.” I shook my head, and tried to keep moving.

Mike grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “What’s that mean?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like,” I lashed out, dropping Ryder and giving Mike another shove. “You just don’t fucking get it, do you? You think this is all a game, you think you can just keep whipping him until he collapses.”

“What are you talking about?” Mike let out, trying his hardest to play innocent. “I was nice to him before I was…”

“For a few seconds!” I shouted, starting to lose my temper. “But what about ten minutes ago? Those are your teammates, aren’t they? They listen to you? Don’t they?” He kept silent, but I could tell my words were connecting in his brain. “If you actually want to help tell them to cut it out. Right now. In front of everyone.”

“Come on man,” Mike shook his head. “This isn’t the,”

“Fuck you,” I growled, as everything finally made sense to me. I can’t believe things had to get this bad for me to finally understand. I can’t believe my boyfriend had to be on the edge of overdosing for me to finally understand what a snake Mike can be. “You don’t care about me, Blake or Liz. You only care about yourself.”

“Teddy.” Blake stumbled over. “Calm the fuck down bruh, everything’s cool.”

I angrily shuttered as he leaned against Mike, barely even able to support his own weight. “Don’t even talk to me right now,” I forced out, finally latching back onto Ryder.

“Me?” Blake repeated, almost falling over.

“Yes you,” I snarled, once more grabbing onto Ryder. “You did this to Ryder, you know he can’t be alone in a place like this, how the fuck could you do this to him?”

“Whoa,” Blake cackled, as though the whole situation was funny to him. “Don’t PMS at me just cause you’re finally standing up for Ryder. Oh, guys watch out,” Blake swayed. “Pretty boy finally acknowledges that he’s dating Ryder. Man, what a pussy you are for…”

“Shut the fuck up!” I went to let go of Ryder again, but could tell if I did he would fall. “You can’t even fucking talk.”

“I’m talking pretty fine right now.” He giggled, now fully leaning against Mike.

“Oh yeah, when are you going to say something to Liz?” I asked, as she pushed her way through the crowd to see what was happening. “When are you going to grow a pair and tell her how you feel?” The smile fell from his face as he heard my words. “Ain’t so easy, is it tough guy?”

Blake went to take a step forward but one of the Lacrosse players pulled him back, sending him stumbling to the ground. “Let’s get the fuck out of here Teddy.” He suggested, grabbing onto the other side of Ryder and helping me towards my car. I saw a few other players rally behind us as my team came to their captain’s aid.

“He going to be okay?” one of the players asked as we finally got Ryder into the passenger’s seat of my car.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine.” I groaned, not even fully believing the words myself. “I owe you guys for…”

“No, you don’t!” Another one of them interrupted. “After all that shit you do for us?”

“Dude you’re our captain,” a third one chimed in. “We’d do anything for you.”

“We’d do anything for each other,” another voice called out, leading the rest of the remaining lacrosse members out of the party. “We’re a brotherhood, this is what we do.”

I gratefully nodded, but felt the growing smile on my face quickly fade as I remembered the gravity of the situation. “You guys can get out of here.” Liz shouted out, joining the growing crowd on Mike’s front lawn. “I’ve got it handled from here.”

“You sure?” one of them asked.

“Yeah,” she confidently nodded. “Go on, I heard the football teams having a party at the captain’s house.” They hooted and hollered as they realized their night hadn’t come to an end the way they thought it did. A few of them even shook my hand and checked on Ryder on their way out. They can be childish, and immature, but they’re my teammates, and when I needed them most they were there for me.

“Teddy,” Liz sighed, looking from Ryder to me. “I…”

“Save me the lecture,” I groaned, as my eyes locked onto Ryder. “I’m not going to apologize for…”

“I’m proud of you,” she let out, finishing her original sentence. “You, I-I never would’ve believe you would stand up to Mike.”

“He didn’t give me a choice.” I sighed. “It’s like he didn’t care what happened to Ryder. As if it wouldn’t’ve bothered him if Ryder stumbled into his pool and drowned.” Liz swayed her head, trying to ignore my dramatic tone. “Okay maybe not that, but still, it’s like he doesn’t understand how much I care about Ryder.”

“He understands, he just doesn’t want to.” Liz exhaled, looking over at Ryder. “But that doesn’t matter to you anymore, does it?”

“No!” I quickly answered, not even needing another second to think about it. “I don’t care if I never talk to either of them again.”

“You don’t mean that,” Liz sighed. “You’re just in the moment.”

“How could Blake do this to me?” I shook my head, still trying to grasp it. “I guess I expected this from Mike, but from Blake?”

“It’s been a rough week for him,” she moaned, trying her hardest not to pick sides.

“That doesn’t mean he can down shots with Ryder and just abandon him,” I argued, showing that my main priority was Ryder. “If he wants to be childish and go nuts, that’s fine, he can handle that. But Ryder can’t, and Blake knows that.”

“You’re right,” Liz conceded in a low voice.

“Whoa!” Ryder managed to finally let out. “There are like three Teddys right now.”

I let out a groan and watched as he began to play with the window. “Looks like the shots are finally settling in his system.” Liz observed, watching him switch his focus from the window to the radio.

“Teddy, yo-your radio it totally busted.” He hiccupped throwing his head back. “Which one of you can fix it?”

“Won’t be long before he’s puking all over.” I sighed, walking towards the car.

“Yeah,” Liz acknowledged. “Do you need me to come with you?”

“No, I can handle him. It’ll be better if it’s just me and him.”

“Okay. Just call me if you change your mind, I’m going home.”

“And leaving Blake?” I asked, as I finally reached the driver’s side of my car.

“He’s belligerent, no one can help him now.” She breathed deeply. “I’m not sticking around to watch the Titanic sink.” I nodded my head, understanding where she was coming from. “Just try to forgive him okay?”

“No promises,” I let out, jumping into the driver’s seat and slowly pulling away.

“Whoa, all three of you are driving.” Ryder giggled, trying to focus his eyes

So, this is it. This is how it all breaks down. After tonight, nothing will be the same again. I’ve started a war between the baseball and lacrosse teams, between my friends. More importantly, I learned something new about myself, that I don’t care what anyone thinks. Ryder needs me right now, and I’m not going to let him down. Not again.