The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 6. Mother's Intuition

---Teddy---

As I walked past Cait and out of Ryder’s room I couldn’t help but become weighed down by everything that was going on inside my head. He got my initials tattooed on his body, why? We were apart eight years by time he decided to do that. Do I mean that much to him? Does he mean that much to me?

The whole drive home was like sitting in a fog. Maybe I’m not fully over him, but still, it’s never been this bad! It’s like I can’t even get him off my mind! I let out a sigh of relief as I saw Blake’s car parked in my driveway. If there’s anyone who can give me the advice I need right now it’s him!

“Blake!” I shouted, walking through the front door.

“He’s not here.” Oli pouted, looking down at his phone. “It’s just Liz.”

“You don’t have to sound so disappointed.” I teased, hearing her and my mom’s voices carry out of the kitchen.

“I am disappointed.” He insisted more focused on his phone than with our conversation.

“Didn’t mom take that away?” I asked but he offered no response. No doubt she caved in on her punishment because of his stitches. They mean well, and they’re just trying to make him happy, but god damn are they spoiling him rotten. I rolled my eyes and kept moving until I finally reached the kitchen.

“Wow, you’re home!” Liz shouted, reaching over and giving me a hug. “I thought for sure you’d be at the hospital for another few hours.”

“I had the morning and afternoon shifts today.” I shook my head as she pulled me in close.

“I don’t think it matters what shift you have,” She shrugged as I finally pulled away. “you live there.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved off, already done with seeing her. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you here?”

“To talk to your mom about my baby.” She replied as her stare began to scan me. “But please, don’t make me feel too welcome.”

“Oh shhhh.” I teased, turning away and opening the fridge. “You’ve been coming here for thirty years, your welcome wagon left a long time ago.” Before I knew it I felt my mom’s eyes joining Liz’s in trying to pick something apart. Like hyenas sensing weakness in their prey they both prepared to pounce. “What?” I sighed, turning back to them.

“Nothing.” Mom quickly replied. “You just look tired is all.” I rolled my eyes, but didn’t bother responding. “Still not talking to me?” She sighed, looking over to Liz.

“Don’t be a baby Teddy.” Liz pestered jumping to my mom’s side. “You’re thirty-one years old. The least you can do is talk to your mother.”

“And when she starts being honest with Oliver I will.” I explained, more to my mom than to Liz.

“He’s mad because we left out some details about Ryder to Oliver.” Mom quickly explained in a whisper.

“No, you left out some details about me.” I corrected, finally talking to her. “Made me look like an absolute dickhead.”

“All that schooling and you still talk like you’re just a boy.” Mom sighed, beginning to stare me down once more.

“Blake does it too.” Liz complained. “Stupidity runs deep between those two.”

“Whatever.” I mumbled, staring right back at my mom. “Can you give us some privacy for a few minutes?”

“I have to keep an eye on dinner.” She shrugged, using the boiling pot more as an excuse than a reason.

“Can we go downstairs?” I asked, turning back towards Liz.

Liz let out a big laugh as she heard my question. “Do you see my stomach?” She asked with a shake of her head. “If I go down those stairs I’m not coming back up!”

“I’ll watch the pot then.” I muttered, trying my hardest to shoo my mom away.

“I’m not letting you burn dinner.” My mom dismissed with a stubborn shake of her head.

“I need to move out!” I shouted taking a seat at the counter and letting my head fall into my arms.

“No you don’t!” Oli yelled back. “You’re not leaving!”

“And he’s listening too.” I groaned in a quiet voice.

“Oliver.” Mom called out, looking over at the living room. “Go upstairs and do your homework before I take the phone away again.”

“Crap.” A young voice let out as we heard quiet footsteps quickly ascending the stairs.

“And that’s exactly why you need your kids to be just slightly scared of you.” Mom shrugged, proud of what she had just accomplished. My mom’s eyes shifted to me and nodded. “Well go ahead.”

“I’m not talking in front of you.” I pouted, more or less mimicking my younger brother’s attitude from before.

“Then looks like we’re not talking.” Liz shrugged, turning back towards my mom. “So, what type of formula did you use for the boys?”

“Formula?” My mom repeated, shooting her a strange look. “You think me and Harrison would ever use formula? I fed the boys myself.” She proudly answered with a smile.

“Alright, alright.” I groaned. I know it’s childish, but I really don’t care to hear about my mom’s pregnancy habits. I got to see her raise one close up and in person, isn’t that enough? “But mom you’re not allowed to talk or tell dad.”

“Got it.” She giggled to Liz, as their plan worked out.

“Alright Teddy,” Liz exhaled, turning towards me. “Spill, is it about that cute nurse at work?”

“No,” I grumbled, as my eyes began to drift. “It’s about the asshole patient.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” Liz shrugged, looking to my mom for insight.

“I think he means his newest one.” Mom whispered, trying her hardest not to step on my toes.

“Who?” Liz asked but a second later I saw the light bulb go on in her head. “Oh.” She let out in disgust. “Him.”

“Why do you have to say him like that?” I asked, beginning to look away. “It’s just Ryder.”

“Just Ryder?” Liz repeated, looking from me to my mom. “Just Ryder?”

“I’m not allowed to talk.” She reminded Liz, more than happy to sit out on such a sensitive subject.

“Alright Teddy, I’ll give this a try.” Liz began, already slightly annoyed. “Why is he now, ‘Just Ryder’?”

“He was always just Ryder.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like we ever had a code word for him.”

“Okay.” She let out, preparing for the conversation. “What about Ryder?”

“I don’t know.” I let out as the fog in my mind began to take my words. “He’s just, well, him. It’s like he hasn’t changed.”

“That’s not a good thing.” Liz tried to remind me.

“Why not?” I shrugged once more.

Liz looked to my mom but quickly back as she realized she wasn’t getting any support. “Maybe because he cheated on you in front of the whole nation?”

I let out a deep sigh and nodded. “I know,” I began, not sure how to phrase my next few words. “But that was just his stupid plan.”

“Yeah, okay.” She rolled her eyes, fully looking back at my mom. “I’ve done this with him on and off for thirteen years, you better join in because I don’t have much left to say.”

“His stupid plan because he thought he was a curse?” My mom asked, but got no response. “Look, I know he thinks he’s cursed. I heard him say it a million times, and as much as I wish he didn’t change. Well Teddy, you’re smart, don’t you think there’s a chance he’s just an emotionally unstable person who hooks up with whoever is around?”

“No.” I grumbled, realizing there was no way around speaking with her. “I mean, he’s emotionally unstable, but he doesn’t just sleep with people. He was trying to hurt me, he thought it would help.”

My mom let out a worried sigh as she turned back towards Liz. “Alright Teddy,” Liz exhaled. “And he told you that?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I read it in his letter.”

“He’s been writing you letters?” My mom asked, slowly starting to get frustrated at the situation.

“Most people do when they commit suicide.” I let out, trying my hardest to silence them both.

“I thought the press said there was no suicide note.” Liz let out, slowly looking back at me.

“Only the investigators and hospital staff know about it.” I sighed. “He dropped it off here along with his will before he went to the cemetery.”

“That’s what you had a few days ago!” Mom yelped, finally connecting the pieces of the big white envelop I received.

“Yeah.” I slowly nodded, thinking it over. “He left me everything.”

Liz and my mom shared another worried gaze as they thought it over. “And what’d the letter say?” Liz asked, now fully invested in the drama.

“He took responsibility for everything that happened.” I shook my head, thinking back to the letter that’s kept me awake for days. “He said he deserves all the blame. That it was his fault for leaving, and that he was just trying to protect me.” I shrugged. “He said he knows I’ll never be able to forgive him and he understands that, he just wants me to remember that he loves me.”

Silence filled the air as they both thought it over. “Okay,” Liz began. “But he could still be lying. He could just be using you until he gets back on his feet.”

“He had no idea he was going to survive his suicide attempt.” I grumbled, recalling the half dead body that wheeled into the E.R. that night. “I still have no idea how he did.”

“How’s he been since he woke back up?” Mom asked as the worry in her eyes only grew further and further.

“Afraid.” I shook my head. “He only really talks to me, and even then things still aren’t right with him. It’s like he’s scared of being alive.”

Liz let out a sigh and locked eyes with me. “And what exactly about him did you want to talk about?”

“He just,” I began but hesitated as I saw them both cautiously observing me. “Today when I went to examine him I noticed one of his tattoos, and it, it had my initials on it.”

“Did you ask him about it?” My mom skeptically let asked.

“Yeah, he said that he got it when he turned twenty-six.” I replied in a low voice. “He claimed that he felt like his sleeve was missing something, so he added my initials on a pride flag.”

“He’s just trying to win you over.” Liz rolled her eyes. “Don’t fall for his tricks.”

“But that’s the thing.” I defended. “How could it be a trick? It’s not like he could’ve left and added it in the past few days. Hell, he even tried to hide it from me.” I shrugged. “And the look in his eyes. He was being serious.”

Liz once more looked to my mom for support but my mom quickly looked away. “How are you going to wrap yourself right back around his damn finger Teddy?” Liz asked in frustration. “He hurt you! He hurt all of us! You, if you saw how broken he left you, you wouldn’t’ve even performed surgery on him that night!”

“I did see how broken he left me!” I insisted but her angry stare instantly silenced me.

“Not the way we did.” She let out in a warning. “You became someone I didn’t even recognize. You let it consume you. I-I’m not going to sit here and let it happen all over again!”

“Come on Liz.” I pleaded as she rose to her feet.

“No, no, you need to sleep on this and then come talk to me.” She dismissed, beginning to walk towards the door. “Talk to your son.” She warned my mom, slamming the front door behind her.

“So you’re really going to fall for Ryder Sullivan all over again?” My mom asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I didn’t say that.” I defensively let out, getting to my feet. “I just wanted to talk about it.

“Sit.” She warned in a voice so strict I couldn’t help but listen. “We can still talk about it.”

“You’re just going to go tell dad and then lie to Oliver about it.” I shrugged, refusing to look over at her.

“I think you forget how much Ryder meant to your father.” She began, pretending to be distracted by the food. “He wasn’t just yours’ Teddy. We all loved him.”

“So?” I asked, leaning back in my chair. “That doesn’t mean you two get to paint a fake picture of what happened.”

“That’s just your dad’s way of dealing with it.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Do you know how much guilt he still carries from that night? He could never stop thinking about how much he encouraged you to date him. How he took you to his concerts at the barn. How he set up Martin with Ryder. How he flew with you to Messiahs shows. In his mind he set you up for failure.”

“That’s life.” I shook my head. “I never blamed him, and I never will. It-it was Ryder’s fault. He’s the one who broke my heart and cheated on me.”

She slowly nodded her head and looked into my eyes. “Then why are you so ready to run headfirst back to him?”

“Because it’s Ryder.” I confessed, opening up and letting my mind speak freely. “And deep down I always expected him to come back for me. Deep down I always wanted to forgive him. I knew what I was getting into that summer. I knew he was hurt and complicated, and I should’ve known he was going to try something stupid.”

“It’s not your fault.” She quickly shook her head.

“I know,” I nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t’ve stopped it. That last night I spent with him, he got trashed on pills and wine and screamed at his father. I-I should’ve called an ambulance then and there, but I was just a kid, we both were.” I realized as suddenly everything dawned on me. This whole time I’ve been angry at the actions of an eighteen year old. I’ve been damning him for being immature and cold, but in reality we were still just kids. We were teenagers trying to find our place. And He-He was a teenager who had just lost his only family left in the world.

“I need to go see him!” I yelped, but my mom grabbed my wrist before I could stand.

“Woh.” My mom let out. “You need to sleep on this before you do anything.”

I let out a sigh but sat back down, knowing she was right. “What do you think?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “You’re thirty-one. You’re capable of making your own choices.” She let out, side stepping the question.

“I still want your opinion though.” I sheepishly admitted. I’m a momma’s boy. I always have been and always will be.

“My honest opinion?” she asked and I quickly nodded my head. “I think that love never makes sense. I think that sometimes crazy things happen and we have to move on.” She exhaled. “But then I see you with other guys, and it-it’s not the same. You’re not as happy. It was just three months in the summer, but god damn it, I’ve never felt love so alive in this home. It was like everything was right in our lives. We were all happy. Love never makes sense, and neither does Ryder Sullivan.” She shook her head. “But if you think you can make sense of him. If you think giving him another try will bring you closure. Then you go for that.”

I nodded my head but stayed silent. That night went by slowly and quietly. I pretended like I still wasn’t talking to my parents, but my mom’s words rattled around in my head for hours. More importantly neither of us dared to tell Dad about our conversation. He just wouldn’t understand. Like my mom said, this is just his way of dealing with it. This is how he made sense of the break up, how he made sense of his second son betraying him. Ryder broke all of us, and as much as I want to stay mad at him, well my heart is begging for something else.

************************************************************************************

It’s weird, I’ve been a doctor for four years now and I’ve never been as nervous as I was standing outside Ryder’s door. It’s like all of the sudden my body has remembered who he is and what he means to me. Yet as I finally forced myself to walk into his room my heart nearly cracked at the sight. It’s not that there was anything different from yesterday. It’s just seeing him, locked up in this room, well the gravity of it all is finally hitting me.

“Hey.” He let out, sitting up and looking over at me. I watched him quickly slide the T.V. remote to his other hand, trying his hardest to hide it from me.

“I’m not going to take it away.” I shook my head in a sigh. I went to reach for the clipboard next to him but stopped myself. I can’t keep hiding behind work, I have to just, talk to him.

“So did you come here to stare at me?” He teased, trying his hardest to act strong. But I could see through his façade. I could see the pain in his eyes and into his body. I could see his arms struggling to hold up his body as he sat, and his lungs crying out for air as his addiction suffocated him.

“No.” I quickly shook my head snapping back into the moment. “I was just thinking about Liz is all.”

“Liz?” He repeated, looking back at me. “You still talk to her? Is she still with Blake? How is he?”

“Woh, woh,” I waved off trying to get him to relax. “Yes we still talk. She and Blake are married and he is fine.”

A second of happiness flashed in his eyes before reality tore it right back down. He’s struggling to cope with what he’s done. I know he is. “Can you tell them I’m sorry? For everything.”

I slowly nodded my head and looked deeply into his eyes. “Are you?”

“More than anything else in my life.” He confessed, keeping the eye contact. “If I could change anything in my life, it would be breaking your heart.”

“That’s ridiculous.” I shook my head, but he kept still, showing he was serious.

“At least I didn’t kill my parents or grandma. That was just life being, well, crappy. But you, I chose to break your heart.” He exhaled. “Even if I am cursed, even if I’m the reason they all passed, well at least it wasn’t intentional. But you, I chose to break your heart. I chose to hurt you. I did it.” He shook his head. “And that’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life.”

“Not if I forgive you.” I supported, reaching over and resting my hand on his.

He quickly pulled his hand away and turned his back to me. “Stop.” He grumbled. “I-I can’t play games with you.”

“I’m not looking to play games.” I decided in a confident voice.

“I’ll let you down and break your heart all over again.” He began in a shaky voice. “I can’t control myself. I keep getting hit with waves of depression, and I-my body just wants drugs. I have to fight withdrawal every single night.” He shook his head in pain. “I’ll never beat my addiction.”

“Then I’ll do it for you.” I decided, standing up and trying to force him back over. “I know your history, and I know your health. I know everything I’m getting involved in here.”

“That doesn’t mean I have to put you through it.” He grumbled fighting me with everything he had.

“You should’ve thought of that thirteen years ago.” I shook my head, finally turning him back over. “I forgive you Ryder Sullivan. I-I still have so many questions, but I, even if I can’t trust you right now, I just need to ride this out.”

I saw a million thoughts swarm his mind as he tried to understand the moment. “Teddy I’m, you can’t do this to yourself.”

“Well I am.” I nodded my head, and sat back down. “If you don’t want to hurt me, then I, then don’t.” I shrugged my shoulders. “The balls in your court.”

“Why?” He shook his head, still stuck in shock.

“Because yesterday, when I saw the tattoo, I just, I realized you were telling the truth.” I exhaled, as our eyes met. “And I guess, I, you promised you’d come back for me.” I shook my head. “Deep down, I always held onto that promise. Deep down I’ve always been here waiting for you.”

“Then why’d you yell at me in the store?” He asked, trying to put it all together.

“Because I was mad at you, I’m still mad at you.” I confessed, trying my hardest to be completely honest. “I’m mad that I can’t trust you, I’m mad that you hurt me, I’m mad at myself for not seeing it coming. But if I let this slip past me, if I let you come in and out of my life again, I’d always ask myself what if? I’m not going to do that.” I decided. “So you need to man up and be the Ryder I knew.”

“I will.” He quickly nodded, not sure what else to say or do. “I, whatever it takes, if it means I get you back, I-I’ll do it.”

“Then keep doing what you’re doing.” I nodded, finally relaxing back into my chair. “Keep following the steps, and fighting to take your life back. And when you do that, when you’re ready to leave, well figure out a place for you.”

He forced a nod but couldn’t take his eyes off me. “I’m so sorry Teddy. I’m so so sorry.”

“Don’t feel bad for me,” I began, recalling the words he always used to tell me.

“Just be there for me.” He finished, as his eyes grew misty.

“How the tables have turned.” I smiled, reaching out for his hand again but stopping myself as I realized a nurse could walk in at any moment.

“Dr. Theodore Haner to Surgery.” The intercom interrupted. “Dr. Theodore Haner to surgery.”

Ryder nodded his head, understanding I had to go. “That’s my cue. Don’t go telling all the nurses about this either! I know how much you love talking after all.”

“Can’t get enough of it.” He teased as I picked up my chair and walked out the door.

For better or for worse this felt, right. I need to give him this chance; I need to know where it goes. Just like in high school I can’t sit still and let what ifs pass me by. I know he hurt me and everyone I love, but he did that for me. If he’s willing to do that, to sacrifice everyone he loves to protect me, then I know he’ll always do what he thinks is best for me. One step at a time we’ll get back what we had, if it’s the last thing I do, I swear we will.