The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 43. Growing Up

---Oliver---

As I sat in the car and watched them out the window I felt a million thoughts flood my mind. Why in the world would he come back here? Why would he want to be where he tried to kill himself? I get that he wanted to see his parents and grandma, but still. Why does he hate himself so much? Why does he put himself through so much pain? And how long until it’s too much to bear?

I let out a sigh as the back door opened and he slid inside. “I’m sorry you saw that,” He began in a soft voice. “I honestly had no idea what it looked like. I had no idea how obvious it was.” I shook my head and looked away. “You want to know why I came back?”

“Yeah.” I forced out still not looking at him.

“I can’t run from it my whole life Oliver.” He said in a shaky voice. “What am I supposed to do? Never come back here? Have the house torn down and forget about it?” He asked, but got no response. “I tried to kill myself, and that, it’s something I have to accept or else it’ll haunt me my whole life.”

“Accept? How do you accept something like that?!” I shouted as I began to grow frustrated with the conversation.

“I don’t know.” He confessed in a sigh. “I have to remember that it wasn’t really me that night. That I was possessed by my addiction and depression. I was sick Oliver, I still am.”

“So how long until it happens again?” I muttered beneath my breath.

“I wish I could promise you never, but that’s not how life works.” I couldn’t help but gulp at how honest his words were. “I don’t know what next year brings, I don’t even know what tomorrow brings. But I can promise you right now I am the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“So then why not accept it without coming back?” I shook my head.

“Because this is my home.” He answered reaching over and resting his hand on mine. “This is where I grew up. For better and for worse, this is where I became who I am now.”

I grew quiet, not knowing what to say next. “You’re wondering even with the depression and addiction, how I got to that point?” He suddenly asked. “How I could try to kill myself.”

“No.” I lied, finally turning back to him.

“It’s okay, it’s a good question.” He tried to support. “I told you depression and addiction, but that all came from being scared.”

“Of life?” I asked.

“Of loss.” He corrected. “It felt like the world was taking everyone I loved. My mom, my dad, and my grandma. So I tried to stop loving, but that, it only made things so much worse.” He explained, looking deep into my eyes. “But now I know loss, it’s a natural part of life. It’s what makes life so precious.” He let out a soft laugh as he saw confusion in my eyes.

“Life without love, it’s so much worse than loving and losing. I’m so glad I got to play one last show for my grandma. I’m so glad I got to show her how much she means to me. Because now I know she died never questioning my love for her. And that’s all I want for you, your brother and your parents Oliver.” He paused. “For you guys to know that I love you. A few months ago that would’ve been terrifying for me. But now I see, as long as I never lose sight of that I’ll always be happy.”

“I don’t get it.” I admitted, trying my hardest to wrap my mind around it.

He leaned forward and suddenly laid a kiss on my head. “It means love goes on forever.” He exhaled. “It means I never really lost anyone at all, because they’re always here with me.”

I felt a red blush coat my face. “Okay.” I sighed, still not understanding.

“You think I’m crazy right now?” He asked, drawing a slow nod from me. “I get that.” He softly laughed. “Just, that was my darkest moment ever.” He sighed. “But now, now I’m happy and I’ve come back and saw it was just a really bad mistake I made. If I can come back from that, I can come back from anything.”

“Promise?” I timidly asked, looking away once more.

“I promise.” He nodded, reaching over and giving me a light hug before waiving Teddy into the car.

“You okay Oli?” Teddy checked, as he pulled the door open.

“Yeah.” I said, looking up at him. How does he do this? How can he handle all of Ryder and still have a smile on his face? He must really love healing people. It’s all he tries to do!

“Good.” He smiled. “I’m sorry you had to see that, it just, it honestly slipped my mind that it was even there.” As he stepped in and started the car he turned back to look at me once again. “You should be proud though, you helped someone recover from that.”

“No, I, I didn’t.” I stuttered glancing over to Ryder.

“You did.” He reassured me, sending my gaze right back to my feet. “You gave me unconditional love when very few people would. I owe you a lot for that, brother.”

I nodded but had to look away to hide the growing smile on my face. Alright, I guess I like healing people too. I kept quiet as Teddy pulled out of the gravel driveway and out onto the road. If I never have to see this place again, it’ll be too soon!

*************************************************************************************

The studio was a welcomed change as I was able to slip away from Ryder and back into the booth with Tommy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think of him any different. It’s just, he’s being all lovey and feely today! And one kiss on the head is enough for me!

“About damn time.” Tommy grumbled, glancing up to me then right back down to a music sheet. “Where have you been all damn morning?”

“Sleeping, I’m only thirteen.” I reminded him. “And tomorrow I have school again, so I won’t be here until like four.”

“You gotta be kidding me.’ He groaned. “Just, take the week off. What you’re doing here is way more important than school anyway.”

“Not according to my mom.” I grumbled, taking a seat behind one of the kits.

He rolled his eyes and looked back to me. “So then we really have to rely on the weekends?”

“I guess so.” I shrugged. “But I’m leaving early on Saturday to spend time with my boyfriend.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Tommy angrily complained.

“Yup.” I insisted, forcing eye contact. “I’m doing you guys a favor by being here all week. I have my own band to write for you know.” I reminded him.

He stared me down before nodding his head. “You got balls kid.” He conceded. “Go get your dick wet, I would be doing the same if I could, just make sure you make up the work somehow.”

“Oh no I’m not,”

“It’s alright.” Tommy shrugged. “We’re all men here. We know what Saturday nights with boyfriends or girlfriends mean.”

“No I’ve never done it before.” I quickly tried to explain.

“So this weekend’s your first time?” Tommy smirked. “Nice.” He nodded his head.

“No!” I insisted as Tommy began to laugh at my frustration. “I’m not having sex this weekend!”

“And why the fuck not?” Tommy asked. “If you’re old enough to get a boner, you’re old enough to fuck something. Trust me, I used to hump everything that moved when I was your age.”

“You still do.” Brandon laughed as he joined us in the booth. “Joe, Zach and Ryder are fighting.” He sighed, shutting the door to block out their yelling. “So I’m coming in here, but apparently I’m interrupting a pep talk.”

“Oli won’t bang his boyfriend.” Tommy shrugged, looking down at his work.

“Why not dude?” Brandon asked in a giggle. “Someone in the band needs to get laid this week, and it’s not looking good for any of us.”

“I just, I’m not ready.” I muttered, looking down at the drums.

“Nonsense.” Tommy dismissed. “You wrote a hit song, did a televised interview and you’re writing for Messiah. You can handle getting your dick sucked.”

“Oh my god!” I grunted as my cheeks turned a bright red. “Can we stop talking about this?!”

“Let me just ask this, do you think your boyfriends hot?” Brandon asked as I slowly nodded my head. “Do you like the idea of messing around with him?” I took a deep breath but nodded my head once more. “Then you might as well rip the band aid off now, because I can promise you, you’ll always be nervous about your first time.”

“Really?” I gulped, looking over to Tommy.

“Oh yeah.” He nodded. “I was so fucking nervous I almost forgot to pull out.”

“The girl actually bought that?” Brandon cackled.

“And the girl after her, and the one after her and the,”

“You’re such a pig.” I sneered interrupting him. “I don’t know why I was actually listening to anything you were saying.”

“Sorry we can’t all be monogamous like you’re idol.” He rolled his eyes. “But you know I’m right, and I know on Sunday morning you’ll be strutting in here like you own the place.”

“Will not.” I shut down, but could feel voices in the back of my head beginning to bug me. It would be nice to start trying some stuff out with Mark. I’ll be fourteen next week, and maybe it’s time to end thirteen with a bang! Literally!

“You finish the song we started?” I asked, taking full advantage over the silence.

“Yup.” He sighed, handing me song sheets. “Turns out your sorry ass was slowing me down.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh before looking it over slowly. “This is a mess!” I exclaimed. “This isn’t at all what we agreed on!”

“I got creative.” Tommy shrugged. “I appreciate your help but I’m still,”

“You got lazy.” I reprimanded, seeing him take out a small pen form his pocket. “No!” I demanded, reaching over and ripping it out of his hand. “You’re not going to be high all day and barely help.”

“Damn.” Brandon cackled, looking up from his work and watching us.

“It’s medicinal.” Tommy fought, trying to grab it from me. “I’m in pain and it helps,”

“We’re all in pain!” I dismissed, trying my hardest to keep it from him. “Finish the song right and you can have it back!”

“I’ll trash everything I wrote without you in exchange for it back.” He offered. “But that’s the closest thing you’re getting.”

“Fine.” I grunted, tossing it back to him. “Lazy piece of shit.”

“Spoiled brat.” He spit back, before taking a hit. “Now do you want a double ride or,”

“That’s way too generic.” I shook my head, starting to softly play. “You need something more dynamic, something that really shocks people.”

“Woh, woh, woh,” Brandon interrupted. “Did you just call Tommy a piece of shit and get away with it?”

“Yeah, what’s it to you?” Tommy asked before shooting me an annoyed look. “You believe this?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I think sitting around the others made him lose some brain cells.”

“You never let anyone insult you.” Brandon shook his head. “You’ve punched me in the face for calling you a bitch.”

“Well maybe I like the kid.” He grumbled. “He’s got some spunk to him.”

“Uh.” I rolled my eyes. “Can everyone stop getting all emotional today, and just play some damn music.”

“See.” Tommy laughed. “Spunk.”

Brandon shook his head but let us finally go back to work. There were more arguments and debates, but I could tell Tommy was going easy on me. I could tell he had started to take a liking to me. That he even respected my opinions.

And he may not be the perfect person, but working with him behind the drums, it was eye opening. Everything from the way he wrote, to his effortless performances behind the drums. If this is him sick, well I wish I got to see what he was like healthy. Sure, every now and again he tries to take the short way out but for the most part we both put our feet on the gas pedal and never let off.

That night when I got home I slept like a baby. Exhaustion barely even describes how I felt from it all!

*************************************************************************************

When I woke up the next morning I moved double time, trying my hardest to make sure to look the best I could for Mark. Like a bat out of hell I rushed to the bus and jumped on as it pulled up. I ignored whatever the driver had to say before quickly turning into the first booth and gently nudging the sleeping teen that sat there.

“Good morning.” I softly said before discreetly laying a kiss on his cheek.

“That was nice.” He giggled, slowly waking back up.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t in school these past couple of days.” I began. “I-I missed you a lot.”

“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “Your mom told me you’ve been working really hard in the studio when I stopped by to drop off more homework yesterday.”

“Yeah.” I sighed with a nod of my head. “I’ve been writing music non-stop for the past few days.”

“Are you getting sick of it?” He asked, knowing exactly what to expect.

“Not at all!” I exclaimed, drawing a laugh from him. “I could do this the rest of my life!”

He nodded and rested his head against me. “Just make sure you find time for me.”

“Of course.” I confidently answered before feeling my heart begin to race in my chest. “Like, maybe time Saturday night at your place?”

“Okay.” He quickly nodded as a blush took over his face. “Ma-maybe you could even sleep over?” He offered. “You know my dad works Saturday nights and likes when I have company.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I nodded, trying to hide my trembling hand. “And maybe this time we can do more than watch movies.”

“I uh,” He nervously laughed. “I’d like that.”

“What are you two giggling about?” Wendy asked, approaching our aisle as she stepped on the bus. “Well, scoot down.” She instructed with a waive of her hand.

“You’re totally third wheeling.” Mark teased as we made room for her.

“Apparently that’s my life now.” She shrugged. “Just until I can get Sammy to date me.”

“Then we can totally double date!” Mark exclaimed looking over to her. “And you can wear that new dress you got yesterday!”

“You really liked it?” She blushed.

“Oh yeah.” He nodded his head. “I think, I think you’ll look beautiful in it.”

Her smile grew as she heard his words and nodded. “When did you two get so close?” I asked, looking back and forth between them.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe when you left us both in detention! Or these past two days when you skipped school!”

“Oh yeah,” I recalled in a laugh. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” She sighed. “My dad was proud I stuck up for my friend. He just wants to get to know your mom and dad.”

“He already spoke to mine.” Mark quickly nodded.

“Mhm.” She hummed. “So then maybe on Saturday we can,” She paused as she saw me and Mark exchange a look. “What?” She sighed.

“We have a date that night.” I lied in a shrug.

“Oh.” She exhaled. “Well maybe I can ask Sammy and see if he,”

“Like a date date.” Mark warned, not looking to go any further. “Just me and him.”

“Well where are you going?” she provoked, looking at us closely.

“You now,” I began, not knowing where to take it. “Just like to get pizza, just like guy stuff.”

She made a disgusted face as she leaned away from us. “You two are pervs!” She deduced, putting the pieces together. “You just want to be alone with one another.”

“Nuh uh!” Mark tried to defend in a blush. “We’re just going to talk is all.”

“I don’t want to know.” She decided with a shake of her head. “Whatever you two do behind closed doors is your business.” She let out another sigh and shook her head. “Boys.” She exhaled.

“Better than girls.” Mark giggled, keeping his head on my shoulder.

“So much better.” I agreed, giving her a light nudge. “Or why else would you hang out with two?”

“Because you’re Oliver, and you don’t count.” She taunted. “And Mark is gay.”

“So,” He quickly said. “I’m still a boy.”

“Yeah, but you like shopping.” She giggled causing him to blush.

“You do?” I asked, looking down at him.

“Kinda.” He confessed. “It’s just, I like the colors and all.”

“Oh.” I slowly nodded. “But you still like action movies and WWE, and,”

“And all that stuff.” He proudly nodded. “Speaking of WWE, did you see RAW on Monday night?”

“No!” I exclaimed. “What did I miss? Did Roman Reigns actually come back?”

“Uh Huh.” He happily giggled. “And it was so freaking awesome!”

“You know that stuff is fake right?” Wendy interrupted.

“So?” Mark rolled his eyes. “They still throw one another and jump off of stuff!”

“Remember when La Sombra fucked up and cut Rich Swanns face open?” I excitedly asked as he quickly nodded.

“That was so nasty!” He excitedly yelped. “There was blood everywhere.”

Wendy rolled her eyes and sighed, but I could tell she was still listening. She can pretend we’re stupid all she wants. I can see how much she enjoys sitting with us. We’re not fake like all the girls in our class. We like what we like and that’s that! We would never lie to her, try to hurt her, or talk behind her back, and no matter what she knows that.

When we finally arrived to school I was happy to hear that Mrs. Flores was going to work in the High School the town over! I don’t know what Ryder did but she’s really gone! I can’t believe it!

And when we got to homeroom, well things were finally back to normal! Sure, my classmates and people in the halls still stared at me, but Mr. Rose gave me that angry stare I had grown to love so much! He can hate me all he wants; I’ll happily take it over that fake love he tried to give me!

“Mr. Rose.” A tall man in a suit called out. “Can I borrow Oliver Haner for a few minutes?”

“Sure.” He nodded, waiving me to the door.

“That’s the new Principal.” Mark whispered as I stood up and made my way to the door.

“Oliver.” I introduced myself as I reached to shake his hand.

“Oh, I’m Mr. Gordon and I’ll be the new principal.” He said, caught off guard by my handshake. “Why don’t we take a walk to my office?”

“Oh boy,” I sighed as I followed him. “You can ask Mark Roberts or Wendy Fuller, I didn’t do anything this morning.”

“I’m aware.” He nodded his head. “I just want to get to know you for a few minutes.”

“Why?” I cautiously asked.

“I think we both know the answer to that question.” He replied, as we finally reached his office. “You’ve made it no secret you’re unhappy with how this school is run, and I’m here to tell you things will be different.”

“Okay.” I appeased, not believing a word of it.

“I’m serious.” He nodded his head. “For example, you won’t be serving detention for your recent actions. You’ll be writing a note for your class.”

“What?” I groaned. “That’s not fair,”

“I think it’s plenty fair.” He interrupted, staring me down. “You clearly have something you want to get off your chest, and I think instead of punishing you. We should hear you out the proper way.”

“No it’s okay, I,”

“You’re doing it.” He instructed, causing me to gulp. “And from now on every detention you receive will come with a writing assignment.”

“Just me?” I grumbled.

“Every student.” He nodded his head. “You’ve changed the school for the better Mr. Haner. I’m excited to work with you.”

“You’re going to be one of those teachers that makes me write a bunch, aren’t you?” I complained, taking a long look at him.

“Oh yeah.” He smiled with a nod. “Well, only when you get in trouble. Fair?”

“No.” I mumbled as his stare grew more strict. “Yeah, it’s fine.” I quickly corrected.

“Very good, you can go back to class now.” He nodded his head.

“I already miss Mrs. Flores.” I groaned to myself as I walked out of the small office.

“Would you like to write her a goodbye letter?” He called out.

“No! That’s okay!” I answered quickening my pace.

What the hell did Ryder do! I know Mrs. Flores sucked but this guy, this guys a sadist! Now every time I’m in trouble I actually have to write a paper! How is that fair? Why can’t I just go to detention or get suspended like every other time! Now I’m actually going to have to listen!

***********************************************************************************

When I finally got back to the classroom I could see Mark and Wendy laughing at the look on my face. But as upset as I am about the principal, well I didn’t get a single detention this week! It’s just not worth it anymore! An extra paper on top of all my homework? No thank you!

Much to my hatred, my parents loved the new principal. Finally someone to get their terrible son in line! What a god send! But even worse, the band seemed to like him too! Or, that I wasn’t getting in trouble! At least, when I was at school.

“You’re such a lazy asshole!” I shouted as Tommy finally wore down my patience. “All you think about is yourself!”

“Go cry about it like the baby you are.” He dismissed. “Fucking spoiled brat!”

“At least I’m not all washed up!” I spit back. “The band doesn’t even like you!”

“We don’t.” Joe supported. “We just tolerate you.”

“You’re not helping.” Brandon rolled his eyes.

“Neither are you.” Ryder warned. “Now, what the hell are you two fighting about?”

“Nothing.” I grunted, looking back down at my work. “It just sucks that we can’t use the booth anymore.”

“We needed to start recording.” Ryder shrugged. “Now what are you fighting about?”

“He wants to put a ride where the crash should go!” I yelped as most of the band lost interest. “Ride, ride, ride, that’s all he wants his drumming to be!”

“Aren’t you a prog drummer?” Tommy rolled his eyes. “Isn’t that your bread and butter?”

“That doesn’t mean you abuse it! You clueless shit for brains,”

“Woh!” Ryder interrupted. “You’re fighting this much over one piece of a song?”

“They’ve been doing it all week.” Brandon rolled his eyes.

“It’s how we work.” Tommy warned. “So butt out and let us work this out.”

“Seriously!” I exclaimed. “Why the hell are you even getting involved anyway?”

Tommy nodded his head to my words. “Seriously, don’t you have lyrics to write?”

“I, uh, yeah.” He nodded. “You sure you’re okay Oliver?”

“I don’t need you checking in one me.” I grumbled. “I can handle myself.”

“Hell yeah you can.” Tommy teased, reaching over and giving me a shake. “And tonight you,”

“Shhhh.” I hushed, shooting him a serious look.

“Tonight you what?” Ryder asked. “Leave early?”

“And become a man.” Tommy teased, enjoying how fast he could make me blush.

“Ughh.” Ryder remarked. “Look guys, he’s going to be my brother in law, can we not encourage that type of stuff.”

“Don’t be such a stiff.” Tommy rolled his eyes and nudged me with his elbow. “Kill em champ.”

I hide my face from Ryder but nodded to Tommy. I know I was uncertain at the start of the week, but now I’m all stressed and overworked and I haven’t seen Mark in weeks! So maybe, maybe I do want to get closer with him.

When it finally came time for Ryder to drop me off I found myself nearly shaking in the passenger’s seat. “You don’t have to go through with anything you don’t want to.” He sighed.

“I know.” I quickly said, hoping he would drop it.

“Good.” He smiled. “Just, be safe and have fun, and take things slow, and just, make the choice yourself.” Ryder advised. “Don’t let the band pressure you one way or another. You’re smart and mature, you can make this choice for yourself.”

I slowly nodded my head and looked over to him. “Thank you Ryder.”

“Anytime.” He offered as we pulled up to his house. “I’ll pick you up at ten. Make sure you’re ready, you have a lot of work to get done tomorrow.”

“I know, I know.” I dismissed, slamming the door behind me and rushing up to the door.

“Good evening.” Mark giggled. It was clear he had tried his hardest to look as nice as possible. “You look exhausted!” He remarked as I stepped inside.

“Sorry.” I sighed. “I just, I’ve been working since this morning.”

“No, I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “You still look perfect.”

I felt a smile coat my face at his compliment and the second the front door closed his lips met mine. “I’ve been waiting to do that all day.” He giggled.

“Me too.” I confessed, falling back on the couch. “Today, all I could do was think about you.” I shrugged. “Tommy had to keep yelling at me because I was staring off too much.”

“Do you two still fight?” Mark asked, having already heard my stories.

“Of course.” I nodded my head. “He’s just so stubborn and hard headed.”

“So are you.” Mark smirked. “Do you still think you’re learning from him?”

“Unfortunately.” I groaned. “The stupid old man still has so much to teach me, but instead he just gets high and cracks jokes.”

“You said you like his jokes.” Mark giggled.

“I know.” I nodded. “I just wish I had more time with him.”

“He’ll be fine.” Mark nodded as his smile slowly spread to me. “So uh, what do you want to do first? My dad left us money for food. So we could order something, or watch a movie, or,” He paused.

“Or, do something else?” I smirked as he nodded his head.

“Yeah, if-if you want.” He timidly shrugged.

“That’s my vote.” I smiled.

“Oh, uh, okay.” He nervously nodded, before planting another kiss on my lips. “Follow me.” He instructed as he pulled away.

I don’t think the word nervous describes how I felt as Mark slowly led me into his room and towards the bed. I know we had been flirting and joking all week, but now that it’s happening, it’s just, different. I could see reluctance in his eyes as we both froze.

“Wh-what do we do first?” He nervously forced out.

“I don’t know.” I gulped, studying him closely. “You watch the stuff.”

“I know, but I don’t want it to be like that.” He exhaled. “I want this to be special.”

“Maybe we can just kiss for a while.” I offered, hoping we would both ease into something.

“Okay.” He quickly nodded, leaning in and connecting lips with me. We awkwardly stood there locking lips for a few minutes as we tried our hardest to prepare ourselves. I felt my pants grow tighter and tighter as our tongues connected and battled for control.

Without warning Mark wrapped his hands around me and wrestled me down to the bed. “Sorry.” He giggled as we fell harder than he expected.

“It’s okay.” I shrugged as he slowly crawled on top of me. Before I knew it his lips were right back on mine. He kept his hips raised above mine, but the more we relaxed the lower he dropped them. Finally they rested against my stomach and I felt something stiff beginning to poke at me.

I tried my hardest to ignore it but as or kiss grew deeper I pulled away. “What’s wrong?” He asked, looking into my eyes.

“Nothing, I just, I uh, I feel you.” I tried to explain.

“I understand you too.” He smiled, taking it a different way than I meant.

“No, I like, I feel you into me.” I tried to clarify as he shot me a confused look. “I feel your, your penis.”

“Oh!” He bashfully explained, raising his hips back up. “I’m sorry, I forgot and I couldn’t keep,”

“It’s okay.” I quickly comforted. “I’m not complaining, I just, I wanted to make sure you’re okay with that.”

“I’m okay with it.” He nodded as he let his hips lower once more. “I just, can we not say penis.”

“Sure,” I hesitated. “So what do we say?”

“Cock or dick.” He blushed as he thought it over. “Something like, sexy.”

“Cock is sexy?” I asked in an immature giggle.

“Sure, like, let me suck your cock.” He tried to whisper.

“That wasn’t sexy.” I cackled, starting to take him less seriously. “What about, let me lick your dick.” I giggled. “It even rhymes! “

“Tickle your pickle!” Mark exclaimed in a laugh.

“We kind of killed the moment, huh?” I asked feeling the hard thing poking me growing soft.

“I don’t think so.” He shrugged. “I still want to try this if you want to.”

“I think I do.” I nodded, thinking over my insecurities. “I just, I don’t want it to ruin anything.”

“Why would it ruin anything?” He asked with a tilt of his head.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “What if, what if it’s not like we think it’s going to be? What if we don’t like it, and it, it makes us drift apart?”

“Oh.” He softly exhaled. “Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve been excited for this all week.” He confessed. “I was doing research and people said, they said it brings couples closer. That this is how I show that I like you.”

“I know you like me though.” I smiled.

“Yeah, but this is a different kind of like.” He nervously explained. “This is like the real deal.”

“So it won’t divide us?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you’re not into it.” He exhaled. “And it’s okay if you’re not, it might mean, I don’t know.” He stuttered as he looked away. “That maybe you’re not into guys.”

I shrugged, but leaned forward and began to kiss him once more. This time I made sure to kiss him for as long and deep as I could. I wanted him to feel my want for him, I wanted him to know I think of him as more than a friend.

As I felt my erection reappear I reached out for his hand and slowly guided it down. The second it reached the front of my pants he pulled away from my lips. “I’m into you.” I blushed.

“This is okay?” He asked, too scared to move his hand.

“Fine.” I nodded my head as I felt his hand gently enclose around the bulge. “Should we, do you want to,”

“Get more comfortable?” He asked, reaching for his shirt.

I nodded and followed his lead and before I knew it, well, we were fully getting to know one another. Suddenly I stopped seeing him as my best friend, and started seeing him as so much more. The more we explored our bodies, the more comfortable with one another we seemed to get. There was a nervousness in the air, but there was no one else I'd rather have lost my virginity with. No one else I'd rather learn who I was with.

I did it! Now I’m really a man! I couldn’t help but giggle as we enjoyed the moment. The quieter we got the more I could feel our connection strengthen. I know we didn’t exactly reinvent the wheel our first time, but I just feel, I feel really close to him right now. Like we were meant to be together right now. Like he was meant for me.